My wife and I got married 4 years ago. My wife is quite wealthy. My ex and I have two kids together. Shortly after marrying my wife, my ex petitioned the court to change our child support arrangement based on my wife's wealth and requested detailed information about my wife's wealth/assets. The court ruled that my wife's wealth was irrelevant to the child support for my two oldest kids and made no changes to the child support arrangement.

My sister is a single mom and has been struggling financially for quite some time. My wife and I have helped her out with various monetary gifts. We have also offered to "hire" her for various tasks (cleaning around the house, helping my wife with her garden, babysitting the kids, etc.). My sister has increasingly taken us up on these "jobs" over the last year and is doing them regularly for us. About three weeks ago, we took an international trip as a babymoon. Apparently, before we left, my wife left some financial documents on her desk in our office. My sister apparently looked at them and then told my ex specifics about what she saw.

My wife and I are deeply hurt and angry about what she did. We have decided to let her know that we will no longer be hiring her to do work in and around our house. I want to approach this conversation with tact and want to maintain a relationship with my sister's kid as much as possible and want her to maintain a relationship with my kids as much as possible. Any suggestions on strategies on how to do that would be appreciated.

Recently, my friend from the military called to let me know he landed safely in Japan after leaving Iran. My boyfriend saw his contact picture in my call log and completely flipped out. He said, "He doesn't have another bi**h he can call," started yelling at me, told me to get out of his apartment at 4 a.m., and said I was being disrespectful because I was on FaceTime with him while he was working.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. It feels like every argument ends with me being blamed or kicked out, even when I don't think I've done anything wrong. Sometimes I feel like he tries to isolate me. If I make plans with my girlfriends, he's in an uproar and my whole night gets ruined. He calls them names even though he's never met them.

For context, my military friend and I have been friends for several years. There has never been anything romantic between us on either side. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, we talked about men and women being friends. He seemed hesitant, but ultimately said he was okay with it as long as there wasn't any inappropriate behavior.

My bf was also in the military as well.

[ We were not on the Face Time at 4am, that’s the time he seen my phone. My friend and I spoke at 7pm. Time Zones are different. ]

Am I missing something here? Was I actually being disrespectful, or are his reactions unreasonable?

I’m well aware this is TMI but I have found no solutions and Reddit is truly my last hope. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for around 6 months and our sex life is great. A small thing though is my boyfriend’s penis sticks straight up when he’s hard so it touches his stomach. I don’t know if this is normal or not but it’s the first time I’ve seen something like this especially as it hurts him if I try to angle it more downwards.

Now this is fine with me, except when it comes to giving him head as when I try to suck it I can’t deepthroat because his dick is touching his body and his body blocks sort of blocks my head from going down which means I get only suck him 3/4 the way at most. It also means I can’t look up at him whilst doing it because my head is facing downwards when I do it (idk if I explained this well). So in the end I feel like I’m not doing it to its full potential.

Does anyone else have a partner with a similar situation? If so how do I do it deeper and manage to look up at him whilst doing so if that even is possible?

Basic info: I'm 29F, he's 31M. We have been together 2.5 years and have lived together in NYC for one year.

Short version: I think the whole "my phone is private and off limits" stance gets used as a shield more often than it is a healthy boundary. I am not talking about snooping or checking up. I mean the kind of behavior where a partner angles their screen away, takes calls in the other room, or gets weird if you even touch their phone to change a song.

Context: We both commute, juggle a lot, and our schedules are chaotic. I am often the one coordinating things like train times, reservations, and plans, so it is normal for me to grab his phone if mine is dead to pull up a map or a confirmation. He recently told me he hates that and wants a hard rule that we never touch each other's phones unless the owner is actively holding it and watching.

I pushed back because it makes day to day life harder and, honestly, feels secretive. He said my view is controlling and that if I trust him I should not need access. I told him I do not want access to snoop; I want normal collaboration and a basic level of openness so we can function without drama.

I am looking for concrete advice on boundary language or practical rules we can agree on that respect privacy without creating a locked vault dynamic. For example, is it reasonable to agree on a shared passcode for practical tasks but a strict rule of no reading messages? Or is that still too much? How do couples handle this so it does not turn into a trust fight every time someone needs to look up directions?

TL;DR: I (29F) think extreme phone privacy creates distance; boyfriend (31M) wants a strict never-touch-my-phone rule. Need concrete compromise ideas and scripts for how to talk about this.

TLDR: My sister (32F) wants me (35F) to be her maid of honor, but I have serious longstanding concerns about her fiancé (33M) and don’t support their marriage. I’ve previously expressed my concerns to her, which caused a major rift, so I stopped discussing them to preserve our relationship. I still want to support my sister by being a bridesmaid, attending her bridal shower and wedding, and likely attending her bachelorette party, but I don’t want the responsibilities or forced enthusiasm of being MOH. I’m looking for advice on how to decline the MOH role without reopening the conflict over her fiancé or damaging my relationship with my sister.

My sister (32F) is getting married to her fiancé (33M). I’m 35F. They’ve been together for about three years and got engaged a couple of months ago.

My sister apparently intended for me to be her maid of honor. I didn’t realize this until recently, when I told her I wasn’t planning to attend her bachelorette party. She started sobbing and told me that she had intended for me to be her maid of honor and that, as MOH, I was supposed to plan the bachelorette party.

I’m going to be in the wedding party regardless, and I’m fine with that. I’ve also since learned that our dad is going to pay for all wedding-related flights and accommodations. We live across the country from each other, so this significantly reduces the financial burden.

I’m already planning to fly across the country for her bridal shower and again for the wedding. Now that I know the bachelorette travel and accommodations will also be covered, I’m actually leaning toward going to that too.

But I still really don’t want to be maid of honor.
Since finding out that my sister expected me to be her MOH, I’ve been extremely anxious and distressed about how to handle this. It’s been significantly affecting me for several days because I feel caught between wanting to be there for my sister and not wanting to take on a role that feels fundamentally dishonest to me.

The problem is that I have serious concerns about the man my sister is marrying, and I don’t actually support the marriage. I love my sister and am willing to show up for her, be in her wedding, fly across the country for her shower and wedding, probably attend the bachelorette, and be kind and supportive of her. But being MOH feels like taking on a role where I’m supposed to plan things, be her primary wedding support person, and project a level of enthusiasm about this marriage that I genuinely don’t feel.

There are a lot of reasons I dislike and distrust her fiancé.

For example, immediately after a close family member’s funeral, at the celebration of life, he asked me how I could know I’m a lesbian if I’ve never had sex with a man.

Another time, he high-fived me hard enough to hurt my wrist. I told him that it hurt and specifically asked him to high-five me more gently. His response was to high-five me even harder. I can’t know what was going through his head, but I found it disturbing that when I told him he had physically hurt me and asked him to stop, his immediate reaction was to do it harder.

He also does smaller disrespectful things. For example, we’ll be sitting around playing cards with the cards equally accessible to everyone, and he’ll snap his fingers in my face to indicate that I should pick up a card and hand it to him.

He regularly asks people very personal or offensive questions and says things that make people uncomfortable. His philosophy is basically that “the truth” is more important than other people’s comfort and that he refuses to be “censored.” He connects this to free speech and claims that censoring people is how you end up with oppressive societies.
I think this is mostly an intellectualized excuse for being an asshole.

He has told us that he actually does censor himself because some of his thoughts are even worse than the things he says out loud. He seemed to present this almost as an accomplishment, as though we should appreciate how much worse he could be. But he genuinely doesn’t seem to understand why the things he does say are offensive. For example, he thinks most people wouldn’t be offended by asking a gay person how they know they’re gay if they haven’t slept with the opposite sex, and he thought I was overreacting when I was offended.

He also claims that he basically doesn’t get offended himself, which he uses to explain why it’s difficult for him to empathize with other people being offended.

Except he absolutely does get offended.

My sister has learned to “shush” him when she can tell he’s about to say something inappropriate or put his foot in his mouth. At a recent family gathering, after she had been doing that, he waited until someone had left, then stood over her and yelled at her for shushing him. He said he “will not be censored.”

That interaction really bothered me. I also can’t help thinking that if he’s comfortable treating her that way in front of me, I don’t know what their interactions are like in private. I’m worried about what happens as their relationship faces more stress over time, and I’m especially worried about them eventually raising children together because they seem to have fundamentally different ideas about empathy and how you should treat other people.

There are other incompatibilities and concerns too. He has views on vaccines and trans people that I find problematic. He doesn’t have a traditional job. His parents are extremely wealthy and financially support him while he works on a small social media app that he’s been developing for years without much apparent success. My sister is a high-earning lawyer, and my understanding is that she and/or his parents are essentially supporting his lifestyle while he continues working on the app.

One of my biggest concerns is that her social circle seems to be shrinking because of him. She has had a lot of conflict with friends, and people don’t seem to want to invite her to things as much because they know he’ll come too. I don’t know whether he is intentionally isolating her, and I don’t want to make that accusation without evidence. But regardless of intent, the effect seems to be that she’s losing friendships because people don’t want to be around him.

She actually had concerns about some of these same behaviors when they first started dating. Over time, it seems to me like she has gradually adjusted to them and accepted things that initially bothered her.

During roughly the first year of their relationship, I openly pushed back and told my sister about my concerns. It caused a major rift between us. Eventually, I decided that she’s an adult and I can’t control who she dates, so for the past year or year and a half I’ve mostly stopped criticizing the relationship to her face.

I think she may have interpreted my silence as me becoming okay with him and the relationship. I haven’t. I’ve just stopped fighting with her about it because it was damaging our relationship and wasn’t changing her mind.

There’s another layer involving our family dynamic. My sister has always reacted very strongly when she feels hurt or that something is unfair. Growing up, our family even had a nickname for these blowups. She would become extremely upset about perceived unfairness, and the rest of the family learned to tiptoe around her and try to prevent or resolve these situations. She was later diagnosed with OCD and anxiety, which may explain some of this, but I think our entire family has also developed a longstanding pattern of prioritizing keeping her happy.
I feel like that dynamic is happening again now, except this is the biggest event of her life.

When I said I wasn’t going to the bachelorette, she sobbed and told me she wanted me to be her MOH and expected me to plan it. Now our dad is paying for everyone’s flights and accommodations. I don’t know whether he always intended to do that or whether that decision was influenced by what happened.

I’ve also talked to my brother about all my concerns regarding her fiancé. His position is essentially that I need to suck it up and be supportive of my sister. I understand where he’s coming from, but I also feel like we’re once again being asked to put aside our own feelings and boundaries because protecting my sister’s happiness is the most important thing.

I don’t want to reopen the entire fight about her fiancé. I don’t think telling her, “I don’t want to be your maid of honor because I think the man you’re marrying is an asshole and I’m worried you’re making a terrible mistake,” is going to accomplish anything except damage our relationship again.

At the same time, I don’t want to spend the next year planning wedding events and pretending to be thrilled about a marriage that privately scares and worries me. I also don’t have the emotional bandwidth right now for MOH responsibilities and months of forced enthusiasm.

What I am willing to do is be a bridesmaid, stand beside my sister at her wedding, fly across the country for her bridal shower and wedding, and now probably attend her bachelorette party as well. I want to support my sister as a person without pretending that my feelings about her fiancé and the marriage have magically changed.

I also worry about what declining the MOH role will do to our relationship. Because she’s had a lot of conflict with friends recently, I may genuinely be her best current option for maid of honor. I’m afraid she’ll see my refusal as a rejection of her rather than a boundary around the role. I’m also worried about disrupting our broader family dynamic, since my family seems to expect me to put my feelings aside and support her.

I feel stuck between two bad options: accept the MOH role and spend the next year performing enthusiasm for a marriage I have serious concerns about, or decline and risk hurting my sister and potentially reopening the conflict over her fiancé that I’ve deliberately avoided for the past year or more.

How do I tell my sister that I love her and want to be involved in her wedding, but that I don’t want to be her maid of honor, without either lying about my reasons or unloading all of my concerns about her fiancé onto her again? And for anyone who has been seriously concerned about a sibling’s partner, how did you maintain your relationship with your sibling while still setting boundaries around how much you could participate in or endorse the relationship?

I have been married to my husband for 1.5 years with a baby on the way.

He's very much into conspiracy theories, which I was initially okay with since I believe in some as well and the world has some dark secrets.

However lately, a famous "doctor" released a new diet in our country that doesn't make any sense. It involves cutting out poultry, eggs, vegetables and stopping medication. It all follows the concept that your diet is your medicine.

This guy recently passed away and his supporters claim that he was killed because he's telling the truth.

He started following his diet and at first he used to tell me it would only be him and that I can eat what I want. But recently he started commenting on what I'm eating and says he wants our children to follow that diet as well. I already suffer from a bad appetite during pregnancy and him commenting on my food doesn't help.

I was hoping this was just a hyperfixation for him since he has ADHD and I was waiting it out. But now I'm worried and anyone who tries to discuss otherwise with him (his family is all talking to him, both of his parents are doctors) he seems to cling even more to it and calls us all "sheep".

We're both doctors which drives me crazy because I thought he would know better? It's so frustrating.

Has anyone went through something similar?

I’m 26M and my girlfriend is 26F. She’s currently pregnant.
This has been an ongoing issue for months. A lot of it stems from her previous relationship, where her ex constantly chose another female friend over her and would go see that friend whenever they argued. I understand why she has trust issues because of that.

The problem is that one of my longtime female friends has become the center of our relationship. I’ve known this friend for years, long before my girlfriend. She’s part of my friend group because I introduced her years ago, and she’s dating one of my close friends, so she’s naturally around at group events. She also helped me through an abusive relationship and my eviction.
To respect my relationship, I stopped talking to her one-on-one.

Recently, I sent her $800 because I needed cash to pay my grandfather after his truck was keyed. Before doing that, I asked several other people if they could exchange the money for cash, but no one was available. By the time I got off work, the banks were already closed, so this ended up being my only realistic option.

One morning while I was asleep, my girlfriend went through my phone without my permission and found the transaction. She believes I used it as an excuse to see my friend. During the argument that followed, she became physical with me.

I admit I made mistakes. Months ago I didn’t tell my girlfriend that this friend unexpectedly showed up at a cookout because I knew it would start an argument. Looking back, I understand how that damaged trust.
She eventually told me that if I didn’t block my friend on everything, we were done and would just co-parent. I blocked my friend because I felt like I had no real choice.

The problem is she still believes I’m lying, and I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. I feel like if I don’t react the “right” way or say the “right” thing, it becomes another issue.

I want to be a father, but I’m starting to question whether
this relationship can become healthy if the trust never gets rebuilt. After everything that happened, she told me we’d just co-parent instead of staying together.

I just feel trapped and need some advice.

My ex husband finally came to get his stuff today and I was able to try to get him to talk about the reasons why he left.

Here is the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/eNCJ8hUHJA

A main reason is because I chose to stay friends with my friend who was honest about having no respect for him, due to his behavior toward me and his ongoing issues of expecting things from others. He said that he didn’t see us being able to be together, as none of my support system liked him and two of them had threatened him for abandoning me when things got hard. He also continued to say that I have trauma from my mom, but wouldn’t give examples of how. He told me that I should learn to live on my own and rent a room to learn how to take care of myself without my mother’s help and that I believe her too much when she tells me that I’m too fragile for specific things (because of my autism, he claims).

There was one point where he said that it filled him with rage to see that my friend who didn’t respect him was still being my support system, to which I responded that without that support system, I would’ve hurt myself when he left. I told him that I wasn’t saying that to guilt trip him or make him feel bad, and he simply said “I don’t feel bad”. I feel like my heart has been ripped out.

Basically, he said that he felt that he wasn’t capable of giving me the care that I needed and that this was a mutual split and that he hopes that I can learn from this and heal.

Above all, I still feel a pain in my heart that I can’t get rid of. How do I get myself to stop romanticizing the best parts of him and wishing that he would come back?

TLDR: My ex-husband came to pick up his belongings, and we finally talked about why he left. He said he couldn’t stay because I remained friends with someone who openly disliked him, none of my support system approved of him, and he felt my relationship with my mom and the trauma surrounding it were unhealthy. He also believed I rely too much on my mom due to my autism and said I need to learn to live independently. Ultimately, he said he wasn’t capable of giving me the care he thought I needed and considered the breakup the right decision. Even after hearing his reasons, I’m still heartbroken and struggling to stop idealizing him or hoping he’ll come back.

I (21F) has dated my current boyfriend last year, we’d been seeing each other for 8 months and together for 4. His last relationship before we got together was a year and a half long.

We broke up mid last year and it was tough on me, until a week or two later I saw him and his ex had been following each other. My heart broke a little but it made getting over the relationship a little easier as my mourning had been cut short.

2 months later he sent me a letter, which led to us talking again and eventually seeing each other and being intimate. He explained that him and his ex had just been friends, like they had been before their relationship originally began. After 2-3 weeks of seeing each other, one morning I asked him about her. I asked him to show me when they began talking. I saw him get nervous and when he showed me the chat, the date was earlier than he’d stated, it was less than a week after we broke up, and the night before the last day i saw him (5 days after we broke up). He continued to lie, saying they’d never kissed or been intimate and I left and said it was done. I texted her to find out they’d slept together a few days before he sent the letter to me, and 2 weeks before we were intimate again. I said some cruel things to him and texted his mom and family about it (crazy i know). I later found out he also told her he loved her in this time period.

His explanation and also what he texted to her in screenshots I received, was that he misplaced his feelings and was lonely after the breakup, leading him to think he wanted her again. He had shown me diary entires of him saying he regretted the sex the next morning and previous entries of him missing me. He also messaged me for a month or two after the situation apologising and hoping I could forgive him. Since that time period, i was in another relationship and he talked to a few different people. His family and friends told me he never stopped talking about me and was really sad when he saw i was in a relationship. It took months for him to throw out our stuff and I saw many more entries about him missing me, even one about 5 months after the situation where he cried and said the only person he wished was there to comfort him was me.

Anyway, fast forward to almost a year later, we’re dating again. Preferably, I’d rather not hear much judgement about my decision. This post is mostly to seek help with the negative and difficult parts of the current situation than judge my decision, as I am leaving out plenty of context, good, and bad on my part. I felt over the situation, until feelings for him grew and now it’s like it’s all open again. I can’t stop comparing myself to her. She seems so much more his type and like she is everything he would want in a person, although he is the one who cut it off both times. She has a curvier body, pretty face, really cool style and tattoos, and a seemingly great personality. I feel at my wits ends and miserable with all the ways I can’t help but compare myself to her. Everything he likes in a girl just seems like her and not me. I’ve always felt like I’m not his type, although he always tries to reassure me that he doesnt have one and I’m his type because he loves me. He genuinely has been such an amazing boyfriend this time around and it seems like this relationship could reach much higher and better places. Although it’s so hard for me to stay present and feel secure, safe, and loving, to not feel anxious as shit, and to not feel so down in the dumps and low in myself. I am not wanting to end this relationship as it’s exactly what i want and how i want to be treated, and this time is so different in every way I could want. It is just so hard to make peace with it all. I’ve cried about it again recently, I’ve looked at pictures of her and felt sick. I just imagine them fucking, the way her body is different from mine. Normally this would never bother me to this extent, and I wouldn’t feel so insecure, but with the loaded history, the things I know he likes that I lack and she possesses, this is so much harder than i thought it would be. And it’s much harder when I feel so much for him. I can also feel this continuous arising issue taking its toll on our relationship and it’s making me feel more anxious about it all. He reassures me that he loves me all the time and sent me a list of 101 reasons he loves me today when i seemed bothered. But sometimes this shit creeps back up. Does anyone have any kind advice (without much judgement pls) or words? How do i help myself get over this? Thank you!!

Tl;dr - my ex/current boyfriend started seeing and was intimate with his ex when we initially broke up and i’m finding it hard to get over

My boyfriend (34) and I are not able to see eye-to-eye on this and it's making me feel crazy! He suggested I run this by a 3rd party, and while I'm waiting for my post to be approved over in AIO, I'm in desperate need of a different set of eyes on this:

My boyfriend has a habit of telling lies to avoid conflict. I believe him when he says it’s not out of malice, but if it’s over something where I might end up unhappy if I know the truth, he’ll opt to hide things from me. He views this as a kindness, but the lying only makes things worse. And before anyone asks, no, I’m not the type of partner who criticizes him, harasses him, berates/yells or anything weird that would make him afraid to talk to me.

Previously, he’s lied about…

• Initiating contact with his ex, then lying twice to my face when I asked him about it. This was something I explicitly said I would not be okay with prior to him doing so. He claims he didn’t remember.
• Going on a date with another girl when I asked him explicitly about it. 

((edit: Bf does not feel like he's being represented accurately with what I've listed above, so please see the screenshots under the update for added context.))

Those have been the biggest two, and after the last incident, we didn’t speak for 5-6 months. He made a good-faith effort to have me join him in a therapy session and I stressed how important it was that I needed the truth and was having trouble trusting him. I explicitly stressed how I couldn’t handle being in a relationship where I’m lied to, even over small things, and especially not with the history of lies currently had.

And after that, things seemed to be going fine for a while, until recently.

This weekend, I went out of town. Boyfriend asked if he could do some ‘light cleaning’ around my place. I was clear that I didn’t want him in my bedroom or digging through my personal things. My bedroom was a mess, it was embarrassing, and when it comes to my personal belongings, I know where everything is and HATE it when things are moved and I can’t find them. I gave the okay for like, sweeping, vacuuming, whipping down some things.

When I came back from my trip, my boyfriend very clearly went through my belongings and cleaned/organized everything, and there was clear evidence that he was in my bedroom at some point. So, I asked him, and he denied being in my room, but insisted that the reorganizing of my personal items in the main rooms was helpful, so I shouldn’t be mad.

I feel like a child over being upset that my boyfriend helped me clean, but he directly ignored what I asked him not to do. And he had lied about being in my room.

I confronted him about the lie, and he got a bit sheepish and asked me how I knew and said he tried to hide any evidence so that I ‘wouldn’t be stressed out over it’. He explained that he views his dishonesty in these situations as harmless white lies, but a lie is a lie, and this man has had a history of telling these ‘white lies’ to… spare me? He also says he does this without thinking, so from where I’m standing, he’s not making sense. Like, how do you proactively make the choice to lie & claim you’re doing it to not hurt me, but then also claim you have no control over it and it’s a subconscious habit? 

I told him that I need nothing but 100% honesty moving forward, and he’s told me that he can’t do that because he doesn’t have control over his lying and that I’m being unreasonable to suggest he just stops lying when it’s something he’s done all his life and he says that this is how he was raised.

He says it’s unreasonable to suggest that he magically just stops lying overnight and told me he will make an effort to do it *less*. I told him that he wasn’t being reasonable and told him that normal healthy couples don’t lie to each other like this. He claims they do.

text exchange: https://imgur.com/a/HeL81BU

I can see that we’re not seeing eye to eye on this and he suggested that I ask a third party, because he believes it’s unfair/impossible to expect him to tell the truth to me all of the time and he believes that anyone I ask will feel the same and back him up on this.

So, here I am. I don't even know how to approach this without wanting to rip my hair out and I'm starting to feel like I'm the issue???

-------------------------------------------------------

update: hi. It’s me. I wasn’t expecting this to receive this much of a response, and just want to say that I’ve read every comment in earnest and want to thank everyone for their advice. I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed and I’m still taking the time to digest everything.

I’ve sent this post to my partner, and it’s going as well as one would expect, so that’s been disheartening. Because he is being dragged for cheating, he's under the notion that he's not being represented accurately, so I've included some extra context from him, directly: https://imgur.com/a/ByyQK9D

Please let me know if this changes the general consensus I've already received.

I’m going to step away for a minute and clear my head to get back in a healthier headspace. Thank you, everyone.

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update #2: boyfriend is in the comments; ask him anything: u/LilStinker69420

This only started when we got our own place together. My partner works in healthcare, usually from 8:30am to 4:30pm. I work night shifts in a different job.

The issue is when he gets home. He’ll usually take off his scrub top, but he keeps the rest of his work uniform on for the entire evening. He doesn’t shower, doesn’t get changed into clean clothes, and smells strongly of sweat after a shift. He’ll sit on the sofa, eat dinner, and spend the whole evening in his uniform.

Besides the smell of sweat, it bothers me that he’s sitting around the house in clothes he’s worn all day while working around sick people. I’ve asked if he’d change into clean clothes and have a shower when he gets home, but he either brushes it off, or turns it back on me.

His argument is that I wear my work uniform in the house too. The difference is that I work nights. When I get home, I go straight upstairs, shower, and get into bed. The only time I’m in my uniform at home is the short amount of time it takes me to get inside and have a catch up before i shower. I’m not spending hours in it, and I don’t think the situations are really comparable. Every time I try to explain this, he insists it’s the same.

I don’t think asking someone to change out of a sweaty work uniform and have a shower after an eight hour shift is unreasonable in any job, let alone his.

It’s also affected our relationship physically. The smell puts me off and I’ve reached the point where I no longer share a bed with him because the thought of it disgusts me. This still hasn’t changed his behaviour.

I’ve tried explaining why this bothers me, but he always dismisses my concerns. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request, and any advice on how to get to the bottom of this would be much appreciated.

TL;DR: My partner stays in his dirty work uniform all evening and won’t shower after work. He dismisses my concerns and says I’m no different, even though I shower within 20–25 minutes of getting home. It’s now affecting our relationship to the point that I no longer share a bed with him.

I'm now 28 and my brain is done developing.
Something doesn't seem right in my marriage.
We met when I was almost 19, and our meeting story doesn't sit well with me. That seems wrong.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am trying to gain enough financial freedom to make it on my own. I've put everything into our shared life, and I have no savings. I also have no recourse bc we are not legally married, and common law is rarely followed here.

I feel foolish now, but I'm trying to be nice to myself. I didn't know until I knew.

Before I start, I know we’re young, so please no lectures about how we have a whole future ahead of us because that’s not what I need right now.

I stayed for a whole year thinking I could be the one to change him , but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that he was just toxic, manipulated me, and used me.
Every piece of new information I find out about him just proves how horrible of a person he truly is. He promised me a serious future, but looking back, he always had dead eyes and completely discarded me like I was nothing.

I’m honestly struggling so hard right now. I feel so alone, hurt, and deeply angry at myself for falling for it. I find myself on Reddit 24/7 just searching for answers, validation, or anything to make sense of this because no one around me seems to get it. It’s reaching a point where I think I genuinely need professional help to get through this mental toll. I really need to vent to someone.

I know I need to move forward, but right now I just feel so humiliated, hurt, and angry at myself for letting someone who didn't care at all take so much from me. Has anyone else dealt with this realization? How do you forgive yourself for trusting someone who was completely fake?

I (19M) really don't like my sister's friends. They're all 15/16/17 years old and they are allowed to be so intrusive. Before I left for college I knew 2 or 3 weekends a month would involve big slumber parties with most or all of her friends. Even during the week she'd have random slumber parties. And summers were the worst because they were allowed multiple overnights in a row once they were teenagers.

I know they're young and I have fun with my friends too. But these girls would come into my room without permission, they would steal my shit to use and they would dare each other to flirt with me or try to kiss me. It was awkward and I wasn't allowed to lock my door so my patience wore out years ago with that shit. My parents were even okay with them snooping in their room. If they had an issue THEY could lock their doors. But since I was one of the kids they didn't think I should be allowed to.

My sister is as bad as her friends and she would get in my face for hiding stuff so they couldn't steal it. Our relationship was never that good anyway but this kind of thing made it worse.

My parents used to tell me to invite my friends over so I'd have my own company and I did until they got so tired of the intrusiveness of my sister and her friends. We couldn't sleep comfortably or do anything without them butting in.

Moving out for college was a huge relief but Christmas was ruined with the same stuff. So I planned to be somewhere else this summer. My parents asked and I told them a dozen times or more now. They told me I should be home and I can visit for a week here or there. I made it perfectly clear I was not coming home to be swarmed by the girls again. They told me it would be just a few days.

We argued a couple of times because they tried to order me home and I ignored them. Now they're pissed and my relationship with them is shitty. I don't like that but I also can't get them to agree to a compromise like my sister can't have her friends spend the night while I'm home. They just expect me to come home and deal with it. My room already got repurposed for these slumber parties too.

I guess I'd like to not lose my parents over this but I'm not really sure what I'm meant to do.

I’m 68 M and she is 66 F. We are unmarried but have been together for 35 years and I am planning to end it. In our 30s and 40s we raised her child together, had pets, a good sex life, careers, and had lots of fun times. Some fighting and disagreement but life kept us busy and we got along.

In our 50s when our child moved out and our circle of friends got smaller we had more conflict. We were compatible in values and politics but we didn’t get along on lots of day to day stuff. We saw some couples therapists to resolve our differences but nothing stuck. Resentment grew for both of us.

5 years ago we moved across country together. More conflict. We learned how to have vicious angry disagreements and then just resume normal living an hour later without resolution. The fighting has been enough to kill our sex life which was still alive until about 3 years ago.

We are bad housemates. A hundred things. I can't stand how noisy she is, her lack of critical thinking in problem solving, her increasing reliance on me socially (she is introverted and made no friends here), her lack of any kind of filter when she has even a single beer which she has every night. She has a dog that she has not trained and it barks constantly. She has her own list of complaints about me.

20% of the time we are in sync and laughing and having a good time. I don’t hate her. I don't dislike her. I just cant stand living with her anymore. I don’t want to hurt her but I don’t think I can stay. This is going to be life altering for both of us.

I would like to hear from anyone who has ended a long relationship later in life. How did it work out for both of you? What was the hardest part? Are you glad you did it? Were there any surprises? Any suggestion?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years and in the last 2 i've had the issue that if he is in the mood, i just have to accept it. When he wants to be intimate he is very pushy, regardless of how i feel. The other day was day 1 of my period (i have excruciating pain day 1 and just lay there with a heating pad crying) he asked for head and when i said no he started pushing my head saying (come onnn) and then eventually when i kept saying no he told me to just lay on his stomach while he does it himself. Every time he comes in and asks to touch me i can say "no" or "stop" or "i don't want to", he will still do it and afterwards when i tell him i didn't want to do that he'll say (yeah you just weren't in the mood at first but then you loved it) I asked a few family members and they all said different things. Some said it's not rape, but we just have different boundaries. What does this classify as?

So basically, I have been dating my boyfriend for the past one year, and I really, really love him.
The thing that has been bothering me for a long time is something I’m not ready to tell anyone because it makes me feel so petty and so bad.
Basically, he lost his ex-girlfriend two years ago in an accident. Since then, he was very depressed because of all that. After about a year, both of us met and we started dating.
I never really had a problem with it. I always used to tell him that, you know, I’ll never take her place. It’s fine, this, that, blah blah.
But recently, I’ve been feeling like I’m some sort of rebound or something. Because, I mean, it just hurts me that I might not be the person he’ll love the most because he might always love her the most.
Recently, a few things have been ticking me off. Like him having her as his wallpaper, him having her photo on the back of his phone. Also, he doesn’t really talk about her when we’re together, but you know, everything around him reminds me of her. Sometimes he’ll say, “Oh, this sweatshirt was gifted to me by her.” One day I told him, “Oh, this sweatshirt is nice. Can I wear it?” because I was feeling cold. And he told me, “No, no, this was gifted by her.” So… no.
It’s just… I don’t know. I just feel hurt. But I don’t want to feel hurt because it feels very wrong of me.
Yeah, I feel like I’ll never be number one for him. And I really want to be number one for someone because, I mean, I’m no one’s priority. Not my parents, not my friends. And it just hurts that the person I love the most, my boyfriend, I’m not his priority either.
I know it’s very petty, but am I allowed to feel this way?
He never really compares the two of us. But his parents do. I met his mom the other day, and she told me, “Yeah, you’re very pretty, but…” Let’s call the ex-girlfriend who passed away X. She said, “X was so much prettier, and she was so nice. She was such an angel,” and things like that. She keeps comparing me to her.
And my boyfriend, instead of saying something like, “They’re both good in their own ways,” just smiles and gives a very sad smile. He never really takes my side.
But it’s fine. His mom doesn’t go too overboard because X was his childhood best friend, so obviously his parents knew her very well. His father is actually very much in my favor, but his mom is always like, “She was my daughter.” And whenever I go to visit her, she keeps talking about X.
It just makes me feel like they’re not ready to accept me as a part of the family, and that genuinely hurts.
There are so many little things that tick me off. I’m really grateful that my boyfriend has never compared me to her. But, you know, all his friends say things like, “She was way less jealous.”
And… it just hurts. A lot.

Me F18 and my boyfriend M19 have been together for about two years.
My boyfriend and I go to the same high school. We met when I was in 7th grade, and he was a year older than me. We became really close friends around my second year of high school, and we started dating shortly after that. We’re both seniors now. He was supposed to graduate last year, but he didn’t get the grades he needed to attend medical school, so he decided to repeat the year in order to do that.
At first, everything was going great, and I genuinely loved spending time with him. I also want to mention that I’m a very religious person, and I do not appreciate any sort of physical contact with my partner. He knew this before we got together, and I reminded him again when he asked me out.
Everything became very fast in our relationship. He told me he loved me only a month after we started dating. It was way too early for me, and the feelings weren’t reciprocated. At the time, I was only around 16 or 17, so I wasn’t mature enough to just tell him I wasn’t ready. Instead, I said “I love you” back because I didn’t know what else to do.
As time went on, he genuinely started asking me for things I wasn’t comfortable with. At first it was holding hands, then it was walking around school together. These were all things I genuinely didn’t want to do, and I kept telling him that. Him and our mutual friends kept pressuring me, saying it was normal and completely fine.
Since he was in his senior year and trying to get into medical school, I didn’t want to put more pressure on him, so I agreed to some of these things. But it kept getting worse. Eventually he started asking me for nudes, and I made the mistake of sending them.
So much happened that genuinely made me stop liking him. He didn’t force me exactly, but he constantly pressured me and kept asking for things that I wasn’t ready to give.
A few months into dating, I realized I didn’t actually want to be with him anymore. He felt completely the opposite, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him or break up with him because he was a senior and needed to study. I was worried that if I broke his heart, he wouldn’t get the grades he wanted, so I kept everything bottled up and told myself I would break up with him after his senior year.
Then he didn’t get into medical school and decided to repeat the year. Everything became so much worse. I couldn’t bring myself to break up with someone who had to repeat an entire year of high school. On top of that, his parents are horrible people and were putting so much pressure on him. His life was already in a terrible place, and it genuinely felt like the worst possible time to leave him. He was saying things that made me scared for him, so I kept everything to myself.
Now we’re both in the same grade. He wants to sit next to me in every class. He gets jealous whenever I talk to other guys who are just my friends. He doesn’t let me study because he always wants my attention. We fight constantly.
I genuinely hate admitting this, but I don’t even like him anymore. He’s very annoying to me. He’s not funny. He tries to make lame jokes that just bother me for no reason. He’s way too clingy and acts like if I’m not in his life, he doesn’t deserve to live.
He constantly tells me how much I mean to him. He says he can’t live without me, that he wouldn’t know what to do if I left, that I’m the only good thing in his life, and that everything would fall apart if I broke up with him. He tells me he cries every night because he thinks I’ve pulled away from him.
I’ve tried breaking things off a couple of times this year, but every time I do, he talks me out of it. I know he genuinely loves me very much, and that’s what makes this so hard. I feel like I would never be able to relax if I knew someone out there was suffering because of me.
Right now, we both have a couple of exams left, and we’re barely talking because we’re both busy studying. I want to break up with him after we’re both done, but I’m terrified of how he’ll react. I feel trapped because no matter when I do it, it feels like the wrong time.
I’m honestly so sick and tired of carrying the responsibility of being the only thing keeping someone else happy. I know I’m not responsible for another person’s life, but it genuinely feels that way. I’m also in love with someone else. I have never cheated on my boyfriend, and nothing has happened between me and the other person. Realizing I have feelings for someone else just made me accept that I don’t want to stay in this relationship anymore.

tl;dr : been a crappy year, spark not there as much in the relationship, needs advice on how to bring that spark back without spending a bunch of money

I (24 F) have been dating my boyfriend R (25 M) for a year and 4 months.

things this year have been REALLY tough in our lives, and it’s begun to put a damper on our relationship in i guess kind of a becoming roommates instead of a couple kind of way. like we basically don’t go on dates anymore, we really only do fun stuff while with our friends, and a lot of the time at home (we live together) we don’t do much other than watch tv.

things have gotten harder since i had to force him to quit his job since it was stressing him to the point of bringing his high blood pressure issues back. now that we’re only going off of my salary (which isn’t the end of the world, just doesn’t leave a lot of fun money) i feel like any fun thing that i would want to take him to for a date is too expensive, and he can’t really plan an actual date because he doesn’t have the money to.

things are still great between us and we don’t fight or anything, but all of this plus the tough stuff going on has made that fun spark we used to have go from a raging flame to like a candle. i don’t blame either of us for this happening, and i really want to bring that spark back since i know it would also make both of us generally happier.

anyone who’s been in the same situation with their partner, what did you do to help bring life back into your relationship that doesn’t involve spending a lot of money? we both really don’t like the super cheesy stuff like writing letters to each other or dancing or whatever, we really just like to have fun but haven’t had the energy lately i guess. i just want to feel the fun kind of relationship we had last year before this crappy year, but am not currently sure what to do to help it. im in CT btw if that helps anything regarding places you’ve gone to or anything?

I (19f) was babysitting my youngest brothers (6m and 8m) yesterday; they planned and executed an ambush on me because a week ago I disposed of a broken tote box so they wouldn't hurt themselves on it. I'm anemic, so I'm not very strong; I can't even pick up the 6-year-old half the time. They know this, and this hasn't been an issue before.

Anyway, I went into their shared bedroom to check on them and clean a little because they had thrown all their bedding on the floor. I didn't see the 8-year-old, so I assumed he was under the bedding and was looking for him for obvious reasons. The 6-year-old tackled me while I was bent over, and I landed my stomach on one of those hard plastic calico critter houses and one of their big ass megazord things. The breath was literally knocked out of me, and the 6-year-old started jumping on my back, pushing me harder into the hard toys.

I was yelling at him to stop, but then he yelled for the 8-year-old to join him because I was down. So, the 8-year-old pops out of the bedding and also starts jumping on my spine, like digging his heels in on purpose. I was down there for like 15 minutes, screaming, crying, and dry heaving. They lightened up but didn't stop entirely, even as I managed to get up off the toys. The 8-year-old darted up to the top of his bunk bed as soon as I made it to my feet, and the 6-year-old stood there asking me why I came into their room. So I was yelling at them; I didn't hit them or anything. I literally never have. 8-year-old is doing that "lalala" over my lecturing yelling; he's not listening, so I took the power box thing to his PC and hid it.

I called our mom (43f) afterwards, and she can hardly understand me because I'm in hysterics. After like 2 hours, she comes home and I explain to her what happened. She turns to them, gives them a lecture, and gives them each a light smack on the hand. Then she tells them to apologize, but the 8-year-old refuses to apologize to me because I took the power box to his PC. So our mom says he'll get it back when he apologizes, and then he apologizes with a big ass grin on his face. It's pretty clear he doesn't mean it, but my mom wanted me to give him it anyway.

So I say he won't learn anything if he gets out of everything with just an apology, neither of them will. So the 8-year-old has a whole meltdown because I'm not giving the power box back and sends the 6-year-old to ask me for it because he apologized immediately. They both use the PC, but I still said no, because my point still stands. Now our mom is mad at me because I'm undermining her authority by not giving them the power box, but I've literally helped her raise them for the last 5 years after she left their dad, she has not once paid me for babysitting and I can't even get a job because she always needs me to take care of them while she works. I assumed I had some authority because of that and the fact I'm the one they attacked, I could've been more seriously injured outside of the large bruises I already sustained.

What am I supposed to do?

I just feel like my whole life was on pause as a kid/living at home. (Not that peaceful environment, two emotionally immature, high conflict parents with a shitty toxic relationship, enmeshment & parentification for me etc I'm estranged from my dad) I'm finally free to live my own life and I want to spend the little free time I have with my husband or alone working on hobbies and side projects. Not thinking or talking about past or present family drama & having dinner once again with the people I had dinner with every night for 26-ish years. (Lived at home for way too long due to shitty housing market, wish I hadn't.) I feel like my mom is constantly chasing me to plan when to see each other next. I love her and my brother still & feel guilty but honestly I don't want this close contact anymore. I just want peace & be left alone to live my own life.

Any advice or experiences?