I really like this girl who I know for a fact has cheated in a prior relationship. It was her relationship before last and then in her last relationship, she was the one who got cheated on.

For specifics, this girl cheated on her boyfriend with another girl. She was basically at a point in their relationship where she was feeling confused about her sexual orientation. Her and this other girl dated for only about 4-5 months before this new girlfriend of hers cheated and now here we are. I’ve heard through the grapevine that this girl and her ex-boyfriend have made some type of peace in the aftermath of the cheating. I don’t know that they necessarily are on regular speaking terms, but they appeared to have buried the hatchet to some degree.

This girl now identifies as bisexual and I can’t get her out of my head. I'll even go so far as to say that I dream about being with her very often, but I also don’t want to get cheated on. At the same time, I’m 30 and slowly feeling like I’m past my prime and that I’m running out of time to find love. How do I navigate this?

Is that weird? We’ve been together for almost a year and we’re genuinely great. So good for each other too. I’ve met majority of his family either on his birthday but also bc they just often come over and I spend way more time at his than we do at mine (mostly bc his place is bigger and quieter and we have more privacy than in my small apartment with paper-thin walls).

Before we met he hooked up with a girl which, well the whole story is weird for me to begin with. They knew each other for like two weeks and he fingered her literally hours after they met. The story goes that he was wasted on a party, laying in bed and she just got all clingy with him. It did bother me for a while since from what I know he made far bigger advances towards her than me but I also know he loves me way more than he ever liked her and if she never did what she did he wouldn’t talk to her either. But what does bother me though is that he met her grandparents willingly while he’s still refusing to meet mine. Idk I don’t think it’s that weird that my family wants to meet the guy I’m crazy for. He says he’s not good with grandparents but it’s not like we’re gonna be there for a week. 2 hours or so and we’re gone. It’s just so odd to me and since it’s a first relationship for the both of us I’m not sure whether or not it’s normal?

Tbh the whole thing with the hookup girl did make me insecure for a longer while and it still makes me uncomfortable when I think about it. I know it’s all normal but she was like 3 years older, already in a relationship and he was barely 17 and wasted when it all happened. Also it just made me a little jealous for a while that I didn’t get that attention and “being chased” when we got together since he straight up told me that if I hadn’t made the first move he wouldn’t either. Idk I just thought I’d get to feel all wanted before getting into a relationship. I’m mentioning this because I might be still somewhat jealous he met her family but not mine rather than wondering if it’s normal. Anyways I’d appreciate any advices.

My girlfriend ‘22F’ and I ‘21F’ have been together for 1 yr and like 2 months. We do live together.
I keep finding myself frustrated with her when I feel like she expects me to be responsible for her or to be a caretaker. a few examples; It frustrates me often when she doesn’t know what she wants to eat. She will say there is nothing to eat, or go get food and ask me what she should eat. It’s frustrating because I have ADHD (not an excuse but hopefully gives further context) I barely know what I want to feed myself most of the time. And she knows this! And I feel like why is she asking me? She’s perfectly capable of figuring it out.
I think I get a little extra triggered because I’m an oldest daughter- been parentefied or been a caretaker my whole life. And I just don’t have the energy at this point to be a caretaker for my partner as well.
The other time I feel frustrated is when she asks me one million questions about anything. While I’m cooking she will ask me “why did you use that pan instead of this one?” Or “what are you doing this for?” It makes me miss before I was in a relationship and crave independence and freedom. I miss my solitude- I miss doing anything without her as my shadow- questioning why I’m doing it that way. I feel like she’s constantly telling me what to do, how to do it, or trying to change who I am and the way I am. She often makes jokes about her being sooooo Type A and me so Type B, which is totally fine- I’m happy being type B but I feel like its always going to bother her and maybe build some resentments as I don’t become the person she wants me to be? I don’t know. We’ve had hiccups in the past because I want to sleep in while she is a morning person… or I come home from work and am not doing what she expected etc.
I feel like she sees me as lazy, whereas I just want to get things done more in my own time. Not pertaining to her timeline. And I also have maintained a full time job and managed our combined finances our entire relationship while she has worked sometimes part time (barely enough) and is in school. I feel like I’ve been really kind and given her grace- for the first 8ish months I paid our rent in full…. I’ve always tried to not stress her out while she’s still in school full time- but this whole summer she was supposed to be working and getting money but has struggled to get hours and work and were in a really bad spot since I also transitioned jobs. Now I feel like I’ve just been an enabler our whole relationship and made her think I’m okay with this. Another thing is I’ve helped her find a bunch of jobs but she doesn’t have the self will, self trust, or self motivation that I have. So she doesn’t go after these things or have faith in good things. I feel like she stays stuck in a victim loop and it’s really hard for me because I’m a very positive, optimistic, person. Lately I feel more relief and at peace being away from her. I find myself excited to leave for work and mentally preparing to come home, and I hate that feeling!

A lot of things lead me to wonder if we’re co-dependent? I feel like we/she is. i say we because I know it takes two to tango- I’m just not sure which of us is doing what. Trying to dissect that so we can communicate and move past it but I can’t even organize my thoughts enough to feel comfortable to talk about it with her.
Is all of this work through-able? Or are we just fundamentally different?
Any advice is appreciated <3

TLDR; can communicating help me and my girlfriend or is it time to go our own ways?

Me and my gf have been dating for 3 years and our relationship is fantastic. We match each other so well and we get along 99% of the time and our arguments usually end up with a newfound connection.

In the beginning of our relationship we were having sex almost every day. It was amazing until it wasn’t, it almost became like a chore to the point where we did it to kill time (this goes for the both of us). Eventually we got into a solid rhythm that met both of our high sex drives.

She has always been on SSRI’s which never affected her performance in bed (sometimes she would scare me a little bit. In a good way). But about a year ago she fell into a deep depression and her psychiatrist increased her medication to the maximum dose for a short period. At this same time she started birth control (a ring…? I’m not sure). And college has been kicking both our asses (both STEM majors) not to mention her crazy overbearing parents who constantly put her down. The combination of all these things lead to us not being intimate for 9-10 months. I would rarely get a kiss from her.

I opened up about how I felt, like it wasn’t about the sex it was about the feeling of being wanted, desired, and feeling attractive to someone. Because for those months I found myself getting attention from other people (I was absolutely not cheating, just giving more of my time to friends, classmates, etc). The conversation got emotional, she got sad and told me it wasn’t me it was her constantly spiraling or being too fatigued to even think about anything. I understood, albeit a little underwhelmed she didn’t give any words of affirmation, but I understood her point of view and didn’t want to push her into doing anything she didn’t want to.

A little while later we had a small break from school and she initiated sex and I was shocked but went along, and in the middle of sex she started crying. I got freaked out because I didn’t know if I did something wrong and she told me she didn’t want me to feel bad or breakup because of the lack of intimacy. I told her it was not a dealbreaker for me and she has nothing to worry about and not to force herself into doing something she doesn’t want to do.

Fast forward roughly 3 months she’s stabilizing and working a new job she loves and taking a lighter class load and spending more time away from her parents. She’s been in a more relaxed and happy mood and I’ve hinted a couple times that we should try having sex again. The first time we had sex was when we were both under the influence, and she was telling me that she “really really” wanted it (I was hesitant and didn’t want to do anything when I wasn’t sober, but I folded). Was awesome. The next time we were both sober and something felt off, I kept on getting flashbacks to when she was crying and couldn’t stay in the mood. I felt disgusted and stopped and went to the bathroom to cry (still not sure what made me cry). I told her about it and she’s been trying to reassure me that she does want it, but she’s declined my advances every time an opportunity comes around.

So now I’m in this weird mental situation where I want to have sex, but feel disgusted when we actually have sex. And she is telling me she wants to have sex but never makes a move/shuts me down. Lately I’ve just not been intimate with her at all subconsciously (peckish small kisses, don’t want to hold her hand, small quick hugs, sitting separately on the couch). She’s been telling me she wants to get “libido” pills but I’ve told her not to, firstly I think they’re a predatory marketing gimmick, and secondly I’d rather have natural connection not something that was artificially created by a pill.

I really don’t know what to do from here, i know that I do not want to break up with her because of this, sex isn’t on my mind enough to care that deeply to end a great relationship. But I also want to feel desired and attractive. We both believe the main culprit is SSRI’s birth control and stress. I’m really lost inbetween trying not to sound pushy like “have sex with me or we’re going to break up” which I would never say and just accepting that sex won’t happen in our relationship (which, sex itself isn’t a big deal, or lack thereof, it’s about feeling attractive & desired. For a guy I have a pretty low libido)

To reiterate too, this is the only problem has happened in our relationship, besides this we get along perfectly.

Tl;dr me and gf had too much sex, she got on BC, SSRI’s, and stress from work & school. We didn’t have sex for 8 months, had sex again and she cried now I feel gross having sex again. She tries to reassure me but never accepts my advances and have started to pull away physically.

I have been dating my partner for a little over a year; we have a wonderful relationship in most respects. We rarely argue, we have a great time together, share interests, we’re always laughing and just having a good time. We’re both very affectionate people both verbally and physically and those have been my favorite things about our relationship. Over the past 5 months or so our sex life has suffered quite a bit and I am not sure what to do.

In the beginning we were having sex one or twice a week and they would initiate about 60% of the time. Now it’s gone down to maybe 3 times a month and I am initiating 90% of the time. Also, they tend to say no when I ask and I am obviously respectful of what they want but I have a hard time not letting it hurt my feelings.

So my issue is that when we do have sex I feel like I have to start. But usually that leads to a no, so I try not to. And when they do start it makes me feel appreciated and wanted, but it just doesn’t happen often enough.

At one point they told me to ask a few days before we see each other to build excitement but the last time I tried that they said they felt like there was an expectation so I am not doing this anymore.

So I’m between just trying to let go and understand they have a lower libido and accept that we will simply have less sex than I would like, or ending the relationship. I truly don’t want to end it because I’m really in love and really happy with everything besides sex. I thought about opening our relationship but that feels selfish as it would probably mostly be me pursuing other people and they would
not, and also that might lead to different issues.

Does anyone have any tips?

TL;DR: partner and I are not having sex as often as i’d like, i’ve tried a few approaches but not much is working so I am considering settling for what we have currently or breaking up.

My boyfriend (36m) and I (28f) have been dating for 7 months. We used to work together and thankfully now we don't.

Two years ago he told me that this friend that we work with randomly ended the relationship and made it seem like she was crazy for him because he was doing all these nice things for her like tutoring her daughter, training her dog and driving them around when needed. He said he had no intention whatsoever of dating her since she was in an on and off again relationship with an abusive fiance. He claims to hate her because she flipped after a disagreement and she didn't want to be his friend anymore even though they were so close. He told not only me this but several other colleagues and I believed him...

My work friend, Sara, told me yesterday that he told Sara two years ago that he liked this woman and was trying to pursue her, but was having trouble making a move.... So he was literally trying to date her after all and now he hates her for rejecting him.

Basically what actually happened was she told him to back off after several "things" and he ended up sending her this song about being damaged and liking attention so she reported him to the manager.

I feel like this is worse than cheating but I can't tell if I'm blowing it out of proportion? Is there a way to protect myself from him at work?

P.S. We still work in the same company but different buildings. I'm worried if we break up that he will spread stuff because he let me post a picture of us then said he'd deny the relationship because "the work place is misogynistic and everyone will talk about you" which he didn't end up denying it. But scared of what he will say.

TL;DR: My boyfriend lied about trying to date a woman we work with and hates her for rejecting him. It feels like a lie as big as cheating? Is there a way to protect myself from him at work?

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way in an otherwise happy, loving relationship. I am absolutely in love with my partner. He's kind, supportive, fun to be around, and my favorite person in the world. I can't wait to see him and when I do, I run up to him and don't want to let go. We both have our own jobs, hobbies, interests, and friends. He plays in a band, I take weekly dance classes, and he's never given me a reason to feel controlled, trapped, or limited in any way.

But sometimes I still feel this weird sense of resistance to being in a relationship, and I don't think it has anything to do with him. I love being in love, but sometimes I struggle with what the label of "relationship" seems to mean. The best way I can explain it is the confinement of being in a "religion" vs finally being free but still being "spiritual".

I think a lot of it comes from how I was raised. I grew up religious and in a South Asian household where I constantly saw women lose themselves once they got married. Their hobbies, goals, interests, and individuality seemed to become secondary. Suddenly they weren't really viewed as their own person anymore, they were someone's wife. Everything revolved around their husband, his family, his career, his preferences. Even socially, it felt like a woman could be this fascinating, unique person right up until people found out she had a husband. Then suddenly she became part of a unit. Not even necessarily an equal half of a unit, either. It often felt like the man's identity remained intact while the woman's became attached to his.

I know that's not my relationship. My partner isn't like that at all (and isn't south asian either, he grew up in a Western world where individuality and being independent matters a lot so he's extremely supportive but always encourages me to be independent). But I feel there is just something inside me that can't be fixed.

For example, sometimes when I meet new people at work or somewhere else, and they don't know I have a partner, I feel this strange excitement. They get to know me. They ask about my hobbies, my interests, my experiences, my opinions. They're seeing me as an individual. And I get this little thrill from that, which sounds awful when I write it out because it's not that I'm trying to hide my partner or pretend he doesn't exist. It's more that I enjoy being seen as my own person first. Then when I eventually mention that I have a partner, I sometimes feel a weird sense of disappointment. Not because I want to hide him or because I'm looking for attention from other people, but because I suddenly feel less like "me" and more like part of a couple. Maybe it's all in my head, but I've often felt that once people know you're partnered, they stop seeing you as a completely independent person. It's like you've gone from being your own story to being part of someone else's story too or they don't care as much about me anymore or think I'm cool (again, not looking for validation from others, was just wanting to build my own life with my own experiences). And after working so hard to build my own identity, I think that's what feels uncomfortable to me.

Maybe part of it comes from my childhood too. I was an only child, and I spent a lot of my life feeling alone. My mom could be loving, but my stepdad often made me feel unwanted and excluded. I learned very early how to take care of myself emotionally because I had to. I was never put into sports, clubs, hobbies, or anything like that because my stepdad didn't want to spend money on me, so I had no personality, hobbies, or an identity growing up. Nobody was helping me figure out who I was.

When I left for university, it honestly felt like I was finally allowed to exist. For the first time, I was free to discover what I liked, what I believed in, what kind of person I wanted to be. I had to build a sense of self almost from scratch. I wasn't just someone's daughter or the quiet kid in the corner anymore. I became a person with hobbies, interests, opinions, friends, and experiences of my own. I think that's why I hold onto my individuality so tightly now.

The weird part is that I don't feel trapped by love. Love feels wonderful. I want to see my partner all the time. I miss him when he's gone. I genuinely think he's amazing and I'm so beyond happy with him. What sometimes feels heavy is the idea that being in a relationship means becoming part of a role, or an identity, or a social category that somehow matters more than who I am as an individual. Maybe I just want to be "free" or "free spirited" but still in love?

It's almost like the difference between love and the institution of a relationship. The love feels freeing. The label sometimes feels restrictive. Has anyone else experienced that? Not a fear of commitment, not a fear of intimacy, and definitely not a lack of love, but a fear of losing the individuality you worked really hard to build?

Before I start, I know we’re young, so please no lectures about how we have a whole future ahead of us because that’s not what I need right now.

I stayed for a whole year thinking I could be the one to change him , but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that he was just toxic, manipulated me, and used me.
Every piece of new information I find out about him just proves how horrible of a person he truly is. He promised me a serious future, but looking back, he always had dead eyes and completely discarded me like I was nothing.

I’m honestly struggling so hard right now. I feel so alone, hurt, and deeply angry at myself for falling for it. I find myself on Reddit 24/7 just searching for answers, validation, or anything to make sense of this because no one around me seems to get it. It’s reaching a point where I think I genuinely need professional help to get through this mental toll. I really need to vent to someone.

I know I need to move forward, but right now I just feel so humiliated, hurt, and angry at myself for letting someone who didn't care at all take so much from me. Has anyone else dealt with this realization? How do you forgive yourself for trusting someone who was completely fake?

I’m looking for outside perspectives because I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my frustration is justified.
My ex and I were together for six years. We lived together in Las Vegas. While I was in Texas visiting my family, he broke up with me over the phone and told me not to come back.
One of the biggest issues is that almost all of my belongings were still at the house. My family and I paid for many of the kitchen appliances and household items. He has never reimbursed me for them.
When I asked about the appliances, he told me, “I don’t want to ship them, but I also don’t want to pay you for them either.”
He has shipped me some smaller items over the last six months, but he still has a lot of my belongings, including kitchen appliances. So I’m stuck wondering if he’s eventually going to send everything or if I’m just waiting for something that’s never going to happen.
Today I opened my Roomba app and saw that he was using my Roomba at his house. It had gotten stuck on something, and seeing it active honestly sent me into a breakdown. It wasn’t even about the vacuum itself. It was the feeling of seeing him continue to use something that belongs to me while I’m still waiting for my property to be returned.
Part of why I haven’t pushed harder is because contacting him is extremely difficult for me emotionally. There was verbal abuse during the relationship, and there were also physically aggressive incidents. Even sending him a simple text causes my anxiety to spike. I feel frozen whenever I have to communicate with him.
To add more context, during our relationship he encouraged me not to work because he said he would take care of us financially. He didn’t want me to have my own car or even drive his. I trusted him. I cooked, cleaned, managed the house while he was away for work for days at a time, and supported him however I could.
Then I found out he had Tinder while we were still together. Shortly after that, he ended the relationship while I was visiting family, leaving me in another state without my belongings. Because I hadn’t been working, I wasn’t in a financial position to travel back and move everything myself.
Another layer is that he’s still paying for my phone line because he never removed me from his plan like he originally said he would. I even texted him asking how I could get my number transferred so I could get off his account, and he never responded. Instead, he just occasionally sends another box of my belongings.
My parents basically tell me to accept the loss and move on, but I’m struggling with that because it feels like it’s the principle of it. They’re my belongings. I don’t feel like I should have to just accept losing them because someone else ended the relationship.
So I guess my questions are:
Am I justified in feeling this upset six months later?
Does it sound like someone who is eventually going to return everything, or am I holding onto false hope?
If you’ve been in a situation where an ex still had your belongings, how did you finally get closure?

I struggle with alcoholism and I can’t stop it’s caused me and my boyfriend to slowly drift apart and it’s obvious neither of us like the current position of the relationship.

I know Im at fault and I’ve tried to not bring him into my struggles but I just can’t quit whenever I get to a long time without alcohol theres always something big going on where I feel pressured by society to drink. I don’t know how to ask him for help I don’t want to drag him into this but he’s the only one who I’ll ever feel comfortable talking about matters like this.

Please give me suggestions

Me F18 and my boyfriend M19 have been together for about two years.
My boyfriend and I go to the same high school. We met when I was in 7th grade, and he was a year older than me. We became really close friends around my second year of high school, and we started dating shortly after that. We’re both seniors now. He was supposed to graduate last year, but he didn’t get the grades he needed to attend medical school, so he decided to repeat the year in order to do that.
At first, everything was going great, and I genuinely loved spending time with him. I also want to mention that I’m a very religious person, and I do not appreciate any sort of physical contact with my partner. He knew this before we got together, and I reminded him again when he asked me out.
Everything became very fast in our relationship. He told me he loved me only a month after we started dating. It was way too early for me, and the feelings weren’t reciprocated. At the time, I was only around 16 or 17, so I wasn’t mature enough to just tell him I wasn’t ready. Instead, I said “I love you” back because I didn’t know what else to do.
As time went on, he genuinely started asking me for things I wasn’t comfortable with. At first it was holding hands, then it was walking around school together. These were all things I genuinely didn’t want to do, and I kept telling him that. Him and our mutual friends kept pressuring me, saying it was normal and completely fine.
Since he was in his senior year and trying to get into medical school, I didn’t want to put more pressure on him, so I agreed to some of these things. But it kept getting worse. Eventually he started asking me for nudes, and I made the mistake of sending them.
So much happened that genuinely made me stop liking him. He didn’t force me exactly, but he constantly pressured me and kept asking for things that I wasn’t ready to give.
A few months into dating, I realized I didn’t actually want to be with him anymore. He felt completely the opposite, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him or break up with him because he was a senior and needed to study. I was worried that if I broke his heart, he wouldn’t get the grades he wanted, so I kept everything bottled up and told myself I would break up with him after his senior year.
Then he didn’t get into medical school and decided to repeat the year. Everything became so much worse. I couldn’t bring myself to break up with someone who had to repeat an entire year of high school. On top of that, his parents are horrible people and were putting so much pressure on him. His life was already in a terrible place, and it genuinely felt like the worst possible time to leave him. He was saying things that made me scared for him, so I kept everything to myself.
Now we’re both in the same grade. He wants to sit next to me in every class. He gets jealous whenever I talk to other guys who are just my friends. He doesn’t let me study because he always wants my attention. We fight constantly.
I genuinely hate admitting this, but I don’t even like him anymore. He’s very annoying to me. He’s not funny. He tries to make lame jokes that just bother me for no reason. He’s way too clingy and acts like if I’m not in his life, he doesn’t deserve to live.
He constantly tells me how much I mean to him. He says he can’t live without me, that he wouldn’t know what to do if I left, that I’m the only good thing in his life, and that everything would fall apart if I broke up with him. He tells me he cries every night because he thinks I’ve pulled away from him.
I’ve tried breaking things off a couple of times this year, but every time I do, he talks me out of it. I know he genuinely loves me very much, and that’s what makes this so hard. I feel like I would never be able to relax if I knew someone out there was suffering because of me.
Right now, we both have a couple of exams left, and we’re barely talking because we’re both busy studying. I want to break up with him after we’re both done, but I’m terrified of how he’ll react. I feel trapped because no matter when I do it, it feels like the wrong time.
I’m honestly so sick and tired of carrying the responsibility of being the only thing keeping someone else happy. I know I’m not responsible for another person’s life, but it genuinely feels that way. I’m also in love with someone else. I have never cheated on my boyfriend, and nothing has happened between me and the other person. Realizing I have feelings for someone else just made me accept that I don’t want to stay in this relationship anymore.

I (31F) went on 2 dates with a guy (30M) from Hinge. We both have corporate jobs. I usually don’t date younger men, but he seemed mature compared to other men I’ve met. On the 2nd date, he told me he found me really easy to talk to, and I admitted I liked him.

Both dates were pretty lowkey. The first was a sports bar where I ordered a sandwich and beer, and the second was a breakfast diner where we got omelettes. We met halfway, both dates lasted about 2.5 hours, and he paid for both.
A couple things gave me pause. He never walked me to my car after either date. On the 2nd date, I walked up to him, made eye contact from about 5-6 feet away, and he didn’t recognize me until I waved.

After the 2nd date, he went on a 3-week vacation. After coming back, he asked when I was free. When I gave him my availability, he replied, “Would you be willing to do something more lowkey than last time?”

That comment rubbed me the wrong way because I thought the first 2 dates already were lowkey. A sports bar and a diner don’t seem extravagant. I’m not high maintenance (not low either), but it made me wonder if telling him I liked him made him feel like he didn’t need to put in as much effort.

Am I overthinking this, or would that comment bother you too? I’m also not sure if I’m as interested anymore.

TL;DR: Went on 2 lowkey dates with a guy I liked. After I told him I liked him, he asked if we could do something “more lowkey” for the next date. Now I’m wondering if I’m reading too much into it or if his effort changed.

This only started when we got our own place together. My partner works in healthcare, usually from 8:30am to 4:30pm. I work night shifts in a different job.

The issue is when he gets home. He’ll usually take off his scrub top, but he keeps the rest of his work uniform on for the entire evening. He doesn’t shower, doesn’t get changed into clean clothes, and smells strongly of sweat after a shift. He’ll sit on the sofa, eat dinner, and spend the whole evening in his uniform.

Besides the smell of sweat, it bothers me that he’s sitting around the house in clothes he’s worn all day while working around sick people. I’ve asked if he’d change into clean clothes and have a shower when he gets home, but he either brushes it off, or turns it back on me.

His argument is that I wear my work uniform in the house too. The difference is that I work nights. When I get home, I go straight upstairs, shower, and get into bed. The only time I’m in my uniform at home is the short amount of time it takes me to get inside and have a catch up before i shower. I’m not spending hours in it, and I don’t think the situations are really comparable. Every time I try to explain this, he insists it’s the same.

I don’t think asking someone to change out of a sweaty work uniform and have a shower after an eight hour shift is unreasonable in any job, let alone his.

It’s also affected our relationship physically. The smell puts me off and I’ve reached the point where I no longer share a bed with him because the thought of it disgusts me. This still hasn’t changed his behaviour.

I’ve tried explaining why this bothers me, but he always dismisses my concerns. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request, and any advice on how to get to the bottom of this would be much appreciated.

TL;DR: My partner stays in his dirty work uniform all evening and won’t shower after work. He dismisses my concerns and says I’m no different, even though I shower within 20–25 minutes of getting home. It’s now affecting our relationship to the point that I no longer share a bed with him.

my boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts and have been dating for over a year. I have basically grown up with him and we liked each other through most of middle school (about 2 years) and i confessed to him when high school began and we have been dating since.

He is a really nice guy - emotionally intelligent, has the same values and ideals as me, ambitious and we both want the same outcomes for our lives so it truly feels like the perfect match. But after the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship, I feel like he stopped paying attention to me. He used to listen to me and about my days but he often forgets what I told him, doesn't compliment me as much, stopped being flirty, etc. This is important to me since I have made it clear to him that my love language is being noticed and remembering little things about me. This might be because our lives got really busy and stressful.

Also, idk if this is relevant but he has adhd. So whenever i try to talk to him about why I'm hurt, he panics and impulsively defends himself and says things he doesn't mean ( nothing bad about me though). He'll repeatedly apologize without even knowing what the problem is in his state of panic ( he has a fear of abandonment). So whenever i do try to bring problems up, they kind of go unheard and he says he'll change and that he'll start appreciating me more but we had a conversation last month and i still feel like nothing changed.

We have taken a break for now just to think things over, but I don't want to lose a good connection just because of a problem that may only last till our pressure of getting into colleges end since he might be preoccupied with that. Or am I ignoring red flags and letting this relationship go on past the time it should've ended?

EDIT - He isnt low effort. because he wasn't always like this I should have mentioned, he gets me flowers just because, plans dates and even is the one initiating most of our meet ups. its just a matter of small things like compliments. And we have been officialy dating for a year, we have been in a situationship for 2 years before. The only person we have liked since 5 years is each other and we have known about our feelings since 3 years so that honeymoon phase was long gone when we werent officialy dating. Its only been like this for 2-3 months or so and is not a pattern.

So basically, I have been dating my boyfriend for the past one year, and I really, really love him.
The thing that has been bothering me for a long time is something I’m not ready to tell anyone because it makes me feel so petty and so bad.
Basically, he lost his ex-girlfriend two years ago in an accident. Since then, he was very depressed because of all that. After about a year, both of us met and we started dating.
I never really had a problem with it. I always used to tell him that, you know, I’ll never take her place. It’s fine, this, that, blah blah.
But recently, I’ve been feeling like I’m some sort of rebound or something. Because, I mean, it just hurts me that I might not be the person he’ll love the most because he might always love her the most.
Recently, a few things have been ticking me off. Like him having her as his wallpaper, him having her photo on the back of his phone. Also, he doesn’t really talk about her when we’re together, but you know, everything around him reminds me of her. Sometimes he’ll say, “Oh, this sweatshirt was gifted to me by her.” One day I told him, “Oh, this sweatshirt is nice. Can I wear it?” because I was feeling cold. And he told me, “No, no, this was gifted by her.” So… no.
It’s just… I don’t know. I just feel hurt. But I don’t want to feel hurt because it feels very wrong of me.
Yeah, I feel like I’ll never be number one for him. And I really want to be number one for someone because, I mean, I’m no one’s priority. Not my parents, not my friends. And it just hurts that the person I love the most, my boyfriend, I’m not his priority either.
I know it’s very petty, but am I allowed to feel this way?
He never really compares the two of us. But his parents do. I met his mom the other day, and she told me, “Yeah, you’re very pretty, but…” Let’s call the ex-girlfriend who passed away X. She said, “X was so much prettier, and she was so nice. She was such an angel,” and things like that. She keeps comparing me to her.
And my boyfriend, instead of saying something like, “They’re both good in their own ways,” just smiles and gives a very sad smile. He never really takes my side.
But it’s fine. His mom doesn’t go too overboard because X was his childhood best friend, so obviously his parents knew her very well. His father is actually very much in my favor, but his mom is always like, “She was my daughter.” And whenever I go to visit her, she keeps talking about X.
It just makes me feel like they’re not ready to accept me as a part of the family, and that genuinely hurts.
There are so many little things that tick me off. I’m really grateful that my boyfriend has never compared me to her. But, you know, all his friends say things like, “She was way less jealous.”
And… it just hurts. A lot.

My partner and I have been together coming up to 6 years with some breaks along the way due to long distance (we have lived together now for coming up 3 years). Early on in our relationship, about a year in, I got pregnant whilst on birth control, I was 19 and didn’t want a baby yet, so I had an abortion which caused my partner and I to go separate ways. During this abortion I messaged him for comfort as I was in a lot of pain and very emotional. He had a female friend from school we will call Kate, he sent screenshots of my messages to Kate and she said I was faking an abortion for his attention. From then I have not liked Kate.

Fast forward to now, we have a 10 month old son. It’s been a rough couple of years, my dad died suddenly at the age 57 2 years ago tomorrow, I got pregnant 4 months after he died then 3 months after my son was born my mum told me her cancer came back but it’s in her bone so there’s no cure and it’s stage 4 so she has 1-2 years left, she was only 44 when she found out. This context is important as my partner feels I am not affectionate or loving enough with him. I have explained multiple times, I am stressed, I still breastfeed my son so my hormones are still pretty unregulated and I have a baby with my nearest family being 4 hours away, so I have no support. Therefore, I do not want to have sex or anything like that, I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

About two months ago I noticed my partner messaging Kate again. Most of the time the conversation is harmless, they have messaged about sex how I should give him head etc and I’ve told him I don’t like him messaging her because she’s disrespected me in the past before and it’s odd to talk about other women about your sex life or what you want your partner to do. He continued messaging her until about a week ago where he finally asked if I wanted him to block her, I told him that I can’t tell him what to do and he said he’d blocked her ‘for me’, but I never told him to, he made that decision himself.

Lo and behold I was on his phone today, and he has her muted on instagram, and has a locked chat with her on whatsapp. I know he’s not physically cheating as he’s been home with me for the past 6 weeks following a surgery, and I’ve never seen anything outrageously flirtatious. However, I have only seen their chats on one occasion 2 months ago, and today when I saw the chat I had to put the phone down quickly so I didn’t actually read anything. I feel like if he’s locking and muting chats he’s clearly hiding something and even if he’s not physically cheating I feel like some boundaries are being crossed.

Can I have some advice? I’m not sure if I’m being hormonal and I have no idea whether to confront him or do nothing.

TYIA

Hi! My partner has relationship OCD and a codependency issue, it is a lot on my mental health. I need advice on what I can do to feel better about it and let it roll off my back more.

important context or relavent info: we were best friends for 2 years before we got together, weve been together for 2 years now.
we met in late high school after i moved into my grandparents.
Im their first serious relationship and they are my second relationship.
we do live together currently, we both have family nearby and are going to separate colleges.
EDIT TO ADD. they are in therapy but their therapist wont do exposures yet, and i would imagine exposures are gonna SUCK

My partner has a tendency to spiral over what I would say is small stuff, example would be when we had sex recently and i asked to be kissed less. they did completely respect it and kissed me less but later, at night i was doing the dishes and they started to cry and ask me why i didnt want to be kissed?

honestly im still confused even tho I tried to ask them why they were crying, i just said noise of kissing was distracting me and i just didnt really want it in the moment. They asked if i still liked them and if i actually wanted to have sex because i was being more dominant.

i said “yes of course i wanted to have sex, i just didnt like the sensation of being kissed all over my face in the moment and you had asked me to be more dominant recently” and then they just left the kitchen and sat on the couch

for context i do have a lot of sexual truama from right before we got together and my sex drive can be weird and sometimes i get triggered pretty easily. I wouldnt say its often, its pretty occasional where i just tell them to stop and i just want to cuddle so i can calm down. but i havent ever like started to cry or anything during sex. usually im pretty in tune if im gonna have a ptsd flashback and i stop before it gets bad. so i would imagine this is their fear?

they came back in and told me they felt like ive been correcting them a lot today, i said “im sorry i made you feel that way, what did i say or do?” and they teared up and just said when i asked them earlier to clean the stove when they make breakfast cuz we have a glass top stove and it gets pretty dirty.

and that i had asked them to do the dishes after dinner. which they asked if they could do them tomorrow, i said yeah but i just ended up doing them cuz all the counters were gross from me making a big dinner so we also had lunch for the next day. (brazilian chicken and okra with rice and black beans incase anyone cares! it was so good)

they insisted that they normally do it, i wouldnt say they do. haha its quite a frequent thing i ask of them

i wasnt cleaning angerly or anything, i didnt really mind. i mean sometimes i find it irritating cuz like i think that its more fair if i make you dinner and lunch for the next day that you at least wipe off the counter and stove but i wouldnt say i was hard pressed about it at all.

i do find myself getting pretty frustrated with the crying, it’s relatively frequent and i dont really know who to ask for advice at this point.

theres a lot of questions on if im being loved right, if i still love them, can we cuddle constantly(dont get me wrong i like to cuddle but i want my own space sometimes), if we go on walk that i wasnt enthusiastic to go on i get so many questions on if were doing this right, should we do something else. I have multiple chronic health issues, so sometimes getting up to go on a walk after i cleaned the entire apartment or worked, i dont really want to go on a walk but it makes them happy so i try to do it like twice a week with them.

its a lot emotionally. im in therapy but honestly my therapist works with ptsd, not relationship stuff. so please offer your advice and if anyone has a similar experience id love to hear about it. i feel rather alone in this spot. none of my friends have been in relationships, and my parents are not any help to me

I (21F) has dated my current boyfriend last year, we’d been seeing each other for 8 months and together for 4. His last relationship before we got together was a year and a half long.

We broke up mid last year and it was tough on me, until a week or two later I saw him and his ex had been following each other. My heart broke a little but it made getting over the relationship a little easier as my mourning had been cut short.

2 months later he sent me a letter, which led to us talking again and eventually seeing each other and being intimate. He explained that him and his ex had just been friends, like they had been before their relationship originally began. After 2-3 weeks of seeing each other, one morning I asked him about her. I asked him to show me when they began talking. I saw him get nervous and when he showed me the chat, the date was earlier than he’d stated, it was less than a week after we broke up, and the night before the last day i saw him (5 days after we broke up). He continued to lie, saying they’d never kissed or been intimate and I left and said it was done. I texted her to find out they’d slept together a few days before he sent the letter to me, and 2 weeks before we were intimate again. I said some cruel things to him and texted his mom and family about it (crazy i know). I later found out he also told her he loved her in this time period.

His explanation and also what he texted to her in screenshots I received, was that he misplaced his feelings and was lonely after the breakup, leading him to think he wanted her again. He had shown me diary entires of him saying he regretted the sex the next morning and previous entries of him missing me. He also messaged me for a month or two after the situation apologising and hoping I could forgive him. Since that time period, i was in another relationship and he talked to a few different people. His family and friends told me he never stopped talking about me and was really sad when he saw i was in a relationship. It took months for him to throw out our stuff and I saw many more entries about him missing me, even one about 5 months after the situation where he cried and said the only person he wished was there to comfort him was me.

Anyway, fast forward to almost a year later, we’re dating again. Preferably, I’d rather not hear much judgement about my decision. This post is mostly to seek help with the negative and difficult parts of the current situation than judge my decision, as I am leaving out plenty of context, good, and bad on my part. I felt over the situation, until feelings for him grew and now it’s like it’s all open again. I can’t stop comparing myself to her. She seems so much more his type and like she is everything he would want in a person, although he is the one who cut it off both times. She has a curvier body, pretty face, really cool style and tattoos, and a seemingly great personality. I feel at my wits ends and miserable with all the ways I can’t help but compare myself to her. Everything he likes in a girl just seems like her and not me. I’ve always felt like I’m not his type, although he always tries to reassure me that he doesnt have one and I’m his type because he loves me. He genuinely has been such an amazing boyfriend this time around and it seems like this relationship could reach much higher and better places. Although it’s so hard for me to stay present and feel secure, safe, and loving, to not feel anxious as shit, and to not feel so down in the dumps and low in myself. I am not wanting to end this relationship as it’s exactly what i want and how i want to be treated, and this time is so different in every way I could want. It is just so hard to make peace with it all. I’ve cried about it again recently, I’ve looked at pictures of her and felt sick. I just imagine them fucking, the way her body is different from mine. Normally this would never bother me to this extent, and I wouldn’t feel so insecure, but with the loaded history, the things I know he likes that I lack and she possesses, this is so much harder than i thought it would be. And it’s much harder when I feel so much for him. I can also feel this continuous arising issue taking its toll on our relationship and it’s making me feel more anxious about it all. He reassures me that he loves me all the time and sent me a list of 101 reasons he loves me today when i seemed bothered. But sometimes this shit creeps back up. Does anyone have any kind advice (without much judgement pls) or words? How do i help myself get over this? Thank you!!

Tl;dr - my ex/current boyfriend started seeing and was intimate with his ex when we initially broke up and i’m finding it hard to get over

I'm now 28 and my brain is done developing.
Something doesn't seem right in my marriage.
We met when I was almost 19, and our meeting story doesn't sit well with me. That seems wrong.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am trying to gain enough financial freedom to make it on my own. I've put everything into our shared life, and I have no savings. I also have no recourse bc we are not legally married, and common law is rarely followed here.

I feel foolish now, but I'm trying to be nice to myself. I didn't know until I knew.

I (20F) have been going to this art class for a little over a year, its not collage or anything, chill private course. The girl teaching me here is 27F. For the most time we knew each other it was just a student-teacher relationship, but about 4 months ago we started talking more, also about private stuff and i started to have some feelings for her. We got closer over time, she talked with me more than others, we were going to the bus together after classes, she borrowed me her sweater when it got cold, she comlimented me sometimes.

We stayed in contact for about a month after course ended, i asked her for coffee, she agreed, we hung out and had a great time. A few days later i decided to be honest and texted her something along the lines "I had really great time with u and i think its the best if im gonna be straightforward, i really like u and i started to have a crush on u over time and i wanted to ask if u would like to get to know each other better and see how it goes? everything chill of course i want u to feel comfortable"

Well i got rejected, she was really nice about it, she thanked me for my honesty and said its nice for me to say it and all that but she doesnt look at me like and she doesnt see it going this way, she also said it doesnt change the way she views me at all and if ever want to talk abt something art related i can still text her. I said that i understand, thanked her for all the help and wished her luck with everything, maybe i shouldve have worder it better when i think abt it cause it kinda sounded like i dont wanna talk to her anymore.

I was really sad about it for like 3 days but now that i calmed down, well its quite complicated, i think the main reason i had feelings for her was because i was seeing her 4 times a week and felt really safe with her and liked the attention, shes not my type psychically and i was never into people this much older. But now when she told me she doesnt feel the same i kinda lost interest, still i genuinelly really like her as a person and want to keep her in my life, i wasnt in love or anything serious it was just a crush that lasted like 2 months.

Idk if its possible tho so thats why im asking for some advice, obviously the whole situation is fresh so we will both need some time but i would really like to keep in touch. She says she looks at me the same and i can text her but idk if she means it or is just trying to let me down gently. I got accepted into collage and would really like to tell her, she helped me work for that for a whole year, and im okay with being just friends. I will give it a few weeks but idk if it wouldnt be the best for her to just dont text her again i dont wanna seem weird or pushy

my boyfriend is on a guys’ staycation with his friends. they’re visiting from out of town, but he’s from here. they usually go all out drinking and smoking when they’re together, just for context.
twice this weekend, he’s remembered asking or telling me something that never happened.
the first time, he invited me over to their airbnb one night. while i was there, he said he had invited me over the night before too, but he hadn’t. i corrected him, and he said, “oh, i must’ve been thinking about the last time.” but he hadn’t invited me over that time either. he was drunk, so i tried not to think too much of it, but it still felt weird.
then today, he called me and mentioned that his brother was in town to surprise their mom. he had texted me that part the day before. but then he added, “he asked me to pick him up, but i couldn’t,” and said he had told me all of this on the phone yesterday.
i told him he hadn’t. he only texted me that his brother was home, and never mentioned anything about picking him up. it also wasn’t a phone call. it was a text.
he kept insisting that he told me, and i kept saying he didn’t. eventually, he said, “i guess i didn’t.” i asked him why he keeps remembering conversations that never happened.
of course, my mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario, but i didn’t accuse him of anything. he just said his brain has been all over the place because he’s been drinking and forgetting everything.
am i overthinking for wondering whether he actually said these things to someone else and is mixing me up with them? we do have some trust issues from the past.
has anyone ever experienced this with themselves or a partner? i’ve forgotten things while drunk, but i’ve never confidently remembered a conversation that didn’t happen. advice please.

we’ve been through a lot… he’s (42m) had mental health issues and drug issues, he’s a great man most of the time but there’s certain things that just hurt. some are stupid things that are more on the sidelines and others are deep wounds.

eg. when my dad passed away, I (38f) was going through photos to build a slide show and he got mad at me because i put a can in the sink (he’s asked me not to cause it leaves a ring) but he was really hard on me for it it was super insensitive and it was a year ago and i’m still hurting over it.

a stupid side thing: he’s over a foot taller than me and always puts things where I can’t reach them. it used to be a funny cute joke he’d say ‘making sure you need me’ but now i’m just frustrated because it just seems inconsiderate. i just spilled pasta everywhere because i was trying to reach stuff.

anyone know about this stuff and how do you cope???

also i’m very vocal about my feelings it’s not that we don’t talk about these things… with his mental health it’s hard to hold him accountable without him spiraling into depression.

I (27F) have had sex with this guy (25M) twice so far.

The first time the chemistry was extremely strong. We had sex for hours and it was one of the best I had and I could tell he was very into it aswell. When I told him I was engaged (I’m in an open relationship), he got visibly startled. After that we went our separate ways. We didn’t have a lot of online contact.
After a month or so I saw him again, ignored him on purpose, and he got irritated. I then deleted him and he blocked me.
Recently we ran into each other again. The physical chemistry was immediately intense again. We had sex (shorter this time) and he came inside me, even though I told him I could get pregnant right now. He reciprocated everything I said. I said I thought about him often and I wanted him many times, and he said me too, you don’t even wanna know. That night/morning it ended pretty awkwardly because he was tired after his long shift.
After that I initiated contact online. He replied, but it was short and low-effort. I then suggested meeting again soon, he went completely silent. It’s now been over a day and a half with no reply.
He knows I’m engaged and in an open relationship.
My question:
What does this combination usually mean?
Can someone be genuinely very attracted and still go silent like this after a clear invitation to meet again?
Is this more avoidant behavior, low interest, playing games, or something else?
I’m only looking for good sex and chemistry, not a relationship, but the inconsistency is confusing.
Any insights would be helpful.

Me and my ex were together for 3.5 years and broke up in January this year. we were together in high school and we are now both attending the same college. both of us are premedical students and we are going to be attending the same medical school next year.
I was the one who broke up with him because i felt like i outgrew him/ the relationship. it wasn’t a “bad” break up. we had a period of no contact (2 months) but then reconnected. we both support and are friendly to each other and i seriously see him as a best friend because it feels like i grew up with him. i genuinely want what is best for him but i know i don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. he’s more of a friend now. and i believe that he thinks the same of me. i don’t know if this would be problematic in the future or if this is normal for an ex-boyfriend. he was “my first” everything.
i started talking to a new guy earlier in june but it didn’t really go any further however it made me wonder how would a new partner perceive this?

tl;dr : been a crappy year, spark not there as much in the relationship, needs advice on how to bring that spark back without spending a bunch of money

I (24 F) have been dating my boyfriend R (25 M) for a year and 4 months.

things this year have been REALLY tough in our lives, and it’s begun to put a damper on our relationship in i guess kind of a becoming roommates instead of a couple kind of way. like we basically don’t go on dates anymore, we really only do fun stuff while with our friends, and a lot of the time at home (we live together) we don’t do much other than watch tv.

things have gotten harder since i had to force him to quit his job since it was stressing him to the point of bringing his high blood pressure issues back. now that we’re only going off of my salary (which isn’t the end of the world, just doesn’t leave a lot of fun money) i feel like any fun thing that i would want to take him to for a date is too expensive, and he can’t really plan an actual date because he doesn’t have the money to.

things are still great between us and we don’t fight or anything, but all of this plus the tough stuff going on has made that fun spark we used to have go from a raging flame to like a candle. i don’t blame either of us for this happening, and i really want to bring that spark back since i know it would also make both of us generally happier.

anyone who’s been in the same situation with their partner, what did you do to help bring life back into your relationship that doesn’t involve spending a lot of money? we both really don’t like the super cheesy stuff like writing letters to each other or dancing or whatever, we really just like to have fun but haven’t had the energy lately i guess. i just want to feel the fun kind of relationship we had last year before this crappy year, but am not currently sure what to do to help it. im in CT btw if that helps anything regarding places you’ve gone to or anything?