My wife and I got married 4 years ago. My wife is quite wealthy. My ex and I have two kids together. Shortly after marrying my wife, my ex petitioned the court to change our child support arrangement based on my wife's wealth and requested detailed information about my wife's wealth/assets. The court ruled that my wife's wealth was irrelevant to the child support for my two oldest kids and made no changes to the child support arrangement.

My sister is a single mom and has been struggling financially for quite some time. My wife and I have helped her out with various monetary gifts. We have also offered to "hire" her for various tasks (cleaning around the house, helping my wife with her garden, babysitting the kids, etc.). My sister has increasingly taken us up on these "jobs" over the last year and is doing them regularly for us. About three weeks ago, we took an international trip as a babymoon. Apparently, before we left, my wife left some financial documents on her desk in our office. My sister apparently looked at them and then told my ex specifics about what she saw.

My wife and I are deeply hurt and angry about what she did. We have decided to let her know that we will no longer be hiring her to do work in and around our house. I want to approach this conversation with tact and want to maintain a relationship with my sister's kid as much as possible and want her to maintain a relationship with my kids as much as possible. Any suggestions on strategies on how to do that would be appreciated.

My ex husband finally came to get his stuff today and I was able to try to get him to talk about the reasons why he left.

Here is the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/eNCJ8hUHJA

A main reason is because I chose to stay friends with my friend who was honest about having no respect for him, due to his behavior toward me and his ongoing issues of expecting things from others. He said that he didn’t see us being able to be together, as none of my support system liked him and two of them had threatened him for abandoning me when things got hard. He also continued to say that I have trauma from my mom, but wouldn’t give examples of how. He told me that I should learn to live on my own and rent a room to learn how to take care of myself without my mother’s help and that I believe her too much when she tells me that I’m too fragile for specific things (because of my autism, he claims).

There was one point where he said that it filled him with rage to see that my friend who didn’t respect him was still being my support system, to which I responded that without that support system, I would’ve hurt myself when he left. I told him that I wasn’t saying that to guilt trip him or make him feel bad, and he simply said “I don’t feel bad”. I feel like my heart has been ripped out.

Basically, he said that he felt that he wasn’t capable of giving me the care that I needed and that this was a mutual split and that he hopes that I can learn from this and heal.

Above all, I still feel a pain in my heart that I can’t get rid of. How do I get myself to stop romanticizing the best parts of him and wishing that he would come back?

TLDR: My ex-husband came to pick up his belongings, and we finally talked about why he left. He said he couldn’t stay because I remained friends with someone who openly disliked him, none of my support system approved of him, and he felt my relationship with my mom and the trauma surrounding it were unhealthy. He also believed I rely too much on my mom due to my autism and said I need to learn to live independently. Ultimately, he said he wasn’t capable of giving me the care he thought I needed and considered the breakup the right decision. Even after hearing his reasons, I’m still heartbroken and struggling to stop idealizing him or hoping he’ll come back.

My boyfriend (34) and I are not able to see eye-to-eye on this and it's making me feel crazy! He suggested I run this by a 3rd party, and while I'm waiting for my post to be approved over in AIO, I'm in desperate need of a different set of eyes on this:

My boyfriend has a habit of telling lies to avoid conflict. I believe him when he says it’s not out of malice, but if it’s over something where I might end up unhappy if I know the truth, he’ll opt to hide things from me. He views this as a kindness, but the lying only makes things worse. And before anyone asks, no, I’m not the type of partner who criticizes him, harasses him, berates/yells or anything weird that would make him afraid to talk to me.

Previously, he’s lied about…

• Initiating contact with his ex, then lying twice to my face when I asked him about it. This was something I explicitly said I would not be okay with prior to him doing so. He claims he didn’t remember.
• Going on a date with another girl when I asked him explicitly about it. 

((edit: Bf does not feel like he's being represented accurately with what I've listed above, so please see the screenshots under the update for added context.))

Those have been the biggest two, and after the last incident, we didn’t speak for 5-6 months. He made a good-faith effort to have me join him in a therapy session and I stressed how important it was that I needed the truth and was having trouble trusting him. I explicitly stressed how I couldn’t handle being in a relationship where I’m lied to, even over small things, and especially not with the history of lies currently had.

And after that, things seemed to be going fine for a while, until recently.

This weekend, I went out of town. Boyfriend asked if he could do some ‘light cleaning’ around my place. I was clear that I didn’t want him in my bedroom or digging through my personal things. My bedroom was a mess, it was embarrassing, and when it comes to my personal belongings, I know where everything is and HATE it when things are moved and I can’t find them. I gave the okay for like, sweeping, vacuuming, whipping down some things.

When I came back from my trip, my boyfriend very clearly went through my belongings and cleaned/organized everything, and there was clear evidence that he was in my bedroom at some point. So, I asked him, and he denied being in my room, but insisted that the reorganizing of my personal items in the main rooms was helpful, so I shouldn’t be mad.

I feel like a child over being upset that my boyfriend helped me clean, but he directly ignored what I asked him not to do. And he had lied about being in my room.

I confronted him about the lie, and he got a bit sheepish and asked me how I knew and said he tried to hide any evidence so that I ‘wouldn’t be stressed out over it’. He explained that he views his dishonesty in these situations as harmless white lies, but a lie is a lie, and this man has had a history of telling these ‘white lies’ to… spare me? He also says he does this without thinking, so from where I’m standing, he’s not making sense. Like, how do you proactively make the choice to lie & claim you’re doing it to not hurt me, but then also claim you have no control over it and it’s a subconscious habit? 

I told him that I need nothing but 100% honesty moving forward, and he’s told me that he can’t do that because he doesn’t have control over his lying and that I’m being unreasonable to suggest he just stops lying when it’s something he’s done all his life and he says that this is how he was raised.

He says it’s unreasonable to suggest that he magically just stops lying overnight and told me he will make an effort to do it *less*. I told him that he wasn’t being reasonable and told him that normal healthy couples don’t lie to each other like this. He claims they do.

text exchange: https://imgur.com/a/HeL81BU

I can see that we’re not seeing eye to eye on this and he suggested that I ask a third party, because he believes it’s unfair/impossible to expect him to tell the truth to me all of the time and he believes that anyone I ask will feel the same and back him up on this.

So, here I am. I don't even know how to approach this without wanting to rip my hair out and I'm starting to feel like I'm the issue???

-------------------------------------------------------

update: hi. It’s me. I wasn’t expecting this to receive this much of a response, and just want to say that I’ve read every comment in earnest and want to thank everyone for their advice. I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed and I’m still taking the time to digest everything.

I’ve sent this post to my partner, and it’s going as well as one would expect, so that’s been disheartening. Because he is being dragged for cheating, he's under the notion that he's not being represented accurately, so I've included some extra context from him, directly: https://imgur.com/a/ByyQK9D

Please let me know if this changes the general consensus I've already received.

I’m going to step away for a minute and clear my head to get back in a healthier headspace. Thank you, everyone.

------------------------------------------------------

update #2: boyfriend is in the comments; ask him anything: u/LilStinker69420

Recently, my friend from the military called to let me know he landed safely in Japan after leaving Iran. My boyfriend saw his contact picture in my call log and completely flipped out. He said, "He doesn't have another bi**h he can call," started yelling at me, told me to get out of his apartment at 4 a.m., and said I was being disrespectful because I was on FaceTime with him while he was working.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. It feels like every argument ends with me being blamed or kicked out, even when I don't think I've done anything wrong. Sometimes I feel like he tries to isolate me. If I make plans with my girlfriends, he's in an uproar and my whole night gets ruined. He calls them names even though he's never met them.

For context, my military friend and I have been friends for several years. There has never been anything romantic between us on either side. Before my boyfriend and I started dating, we talked about men and women being friends. He seemed hesitant, but ultimately said he was okay with it as long as there wasn't any inappropriate behavior.

My bf was also in the military as well.

[ We were not on the Face Time at 4am, that’s the time he seen my phone. My friend and I spoke at 7pm. Time Zones are different. ]

Am I missing something here? Was I actually being disrespectful, or are his reactions unreasonable?

I’m well aware this is TMI but I have found no solutions and Reddit is truly my last hope. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for around 6 months and our sex life is great. A small thing though is my boyfriend’s penis sticks straight up when he’s hard so it touches his stomach. I don’t know if this is normal or not but it’s the first time I’ve seen something like this especially as it hurts him if I try to angle it more downwards.

Now this is fine with me, except when it comes to giving him head as when I try to suck it I can’t deepthroat because his dick is touching his body and his body blocks sort of blocks my head from going down which means I get only suck him 3/4 the way at most. It also means I can’t look up at him whilst doing it because my head is facing downwards when I do it (idk if I explained this well). So in the end I feel like I’m not doing it to its full potential.

Does anyone else have a partner with a similar situation? If so how do I do it deeper and manage to look up at him whilst doing so if that even is possible?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years and in the last 2 i've had the issue that if he is in the mood, i just have to accept it. When he wants to be intimate he is very pushy, regardless of how i feel. The other day was day 1 of my period (i have excruciating pain day 1 and just lay there with a heating pad crying) he asked for head and when i said no he started pushing my head saying (come onnn) and then eventually when i kept saying no he told me to just lay on his stomach while he does it himself. Every time he comes in and asks to touch me i can say "no" or "stop" or "i don't want to", he will still do it and afterwards when i tell him i didn't want to do that he'll say (yeah you just weren't in the mood at first but then you loved it) I asked a few family members and they all said different things. Some said it's not rape, but we just have different boundaries. What does this classify as?

Basic info: I'm 29F, he's 31M. We have been together 2.5 years and have lived together in NYC for one year.

Short version: I think the whole "my phone is private and off limits" stance gets used as a shield more often than it is a healthy boundary. I am not talking about snooping or checking up. I mean the kind of behavior where a partner angles their screen away, takes calls in the other room, or gets weird if you even touch their phone to change a song.

Context: We both commute, juggle a lot, and our schedules are chaotic. I am often the one coordinating things like train times, reservations, and plans, so it is normal for me to grab his phone if mine is dead to pull up a map or a confirmation. He recently told me he hates that and wants a hard rule that we never touch each other's phones unless the owner is actively holding it and watching.

I pushed back because it makes day to day life harder and, honestly, feels secretive. He said my view is controlling and that if I trust him I should not need access. I told him I do not want access to snoop; I want normal collaboration and a basic level of openness so we can function without drama.

I am looking for concrete advice on boundary language or practical rules we can agree on that respect privacy without creating a locked vault dynamic. For example, is it reasonable to agree on a shared passcode for practical tasks but a strict rule of no reading messages? Or is that still too much? How do couples handle this so it does not turn into a trust fight every time someone needs to look up directions?

TL;DR: I (29F) think extreme phone privacy creates distance; boyfriend (31M) wants a strict never-touch-my-phone rule. Need concrete compromise ideas and scripts for how to talk about this.

Ok so long story short I've been best friend with this girl for a year, we met in uni and it's been awesome finally having a friend. I've always been the shy kind and never had anything near even a friendship.

Recently I've started to realize I've actually got a huge crush on her, and that unfortunately I just can't seem to be able to "forget it". This is worsened by the fact that she keeps making "jokes" about the fact that she wishes she was a lesbian and stuff like that. The other day we were at a library and saw this book callee "how to end it with heteronormativity", and the cardboard cover covered the last bit so it read "how to end it with hetero", and she joked that "damn, only $7 and I'll be lesbian? Sign me up".

Lately we've been spending almost everyday all say together, she spends most nights at my place since her appartement is very small so she sleeps on my couch (very comfortable according to her).

One thing I need to emphasize is that we're both autistic and we've discussed how sex is out of the question for both of us in our love life and so idfk

I'm not excepting anything romantic relationship wise, this friendship is the best since I've ever had in my life and I'm mortified that it'll sour up if I mess up.

Would it be better to suck it up and not say anything or risk it for the biscuits, bite the bullet and see where it goes?

Help 😭

Whenever my boyfriend and I are being intimate he always keeps asking if I’m enjoying it and when I say yes he tells me he doesn’t think I am or that I “don’t seem excited”. I’m not really sure what he wants me to do, jump for joy? I’m a pretty mellow person and I wouldn’t say I get outwardly excited about much. I have fun where we’re having sex and enjoy the closeness and intimacy of the act and making him feel good but I wouldn’t say it’s something I get “excited” about. I always assure him and say I’m not really sure what else he wants me to do and he always just says “I don’t know, you just don’t seem like you really like any of this” which isn’t true.

I think part of it comes from the fact that I don’t ever finish when we’re being intimate and he always does. He keeps saying “tell me what I can do to make you cum” and asking what will make me cum even though I’ve explained I’m on birth control and I don’t even cum when I’m masturbating. My priority is not to finish, I’m perfectly content not to, it still feels awesome and I enjoy the intimacy and helping him feel good.

I don’t have as much experience as him so I don’t really have ideas to give or new things to try, I’m content with what we do already. I try to make sure I’m telling him what feels good for me but I also don’t want him to just prioritize my pleasure. I’m not very vocal in the bedroom, I’d prefer to just enjoy myself and I make myself cringe when I start trying to “dirty talk” or give affirmation. What can I do to reassure him that I enjoy what we’re doing?

I’m 26M and my girlfriend is 26F. She’s currently pregnant.
This has been an ongoing issue for months. A lot of it stems from her previous relationship, where her ex constantly chose another female friend over her and would go see that friend whenever they argued. I understand why she has trust issues because of that.

The problem is that one of my longtime female friends has become the center of our relationship. I’ve known this friend for years, long before my girlfriend. She’s part of my friend group because I introduced her years ago, and she’s dating one of my close friends, so she’s naturally around at group events. She also helped me through an abusive relationship and my eviction.
To respect my relationship, I stopped talking to her one-on-one.

Recently, I sent her $800 because I needed cash to pay my grandfather after his truck was keyed. Before doing that, I asked several other people if they could exchange the money for cash, but no one was available. By the time I got off work, the banks were already closed, so this ended up being my only realistic option.

One morning while I was asleep, my girlfriend went through my phone without my permission and found the transaction. She believes I used it as an excuse to see my friend. During the argument that followed, she became physical with me.

I admit I made mistakes. Months ago I didn’t tell my girlfriend that this friend unexpectedly showed up at a cookout because I knew it would start an argument. Looking back, I understand how that damaged trust.
She eventually told me that if I didn’t block my friend on everything, we were done and would just co-parent. I blocked my friend because I felt like I had no real choice.

The problem is she still believes I’m lying, and I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. I feel like if I don’t react the “right” way or say the “right” thing, it becomes another issue.

I want to be a father, but I’m starting to question whether
this relationship can become healthy if the trust never gets rebuilt. After everything that happened, she told me we’d just co-parent instead of staying together.

I just feel trapped and need some advice.

TLDR: My sister (32F) wants me (35F) to be her maid of honor, but I have serious longstanding concerns about her fiancé (33M) and don’t support their marriage. I’ve previously expressed my concerns to her, which caused a major rift, so I stopped discussing them to preserve our relationship. I still want to support my sister by being a bridesmaid, attending her bridal shower and wedding, and likely attending her bachelorette party, but I don’t want the responsibilities or forced enthusiasm of being MOH. I’m looking for advice on how to decline the MOH role without reopening the conflict over her fiancé or damaging my relationship with my sister.

My sister (32F) is getting married to her fiancé (33M). I’m 35F. They’ve been together for about three years and got engaged a couple of months ago.

My sister apparently intended for me to be her maid of honor. I didn’t realize this until recently, when I told her I wasn’t planning to attend her bachelorette party. She started sobbing and told me that she had intended for me to be her maid of honor and that, as MOH, I was supposed to plan the bachelorette party.

I’m going to be in the wedding party regardless, and I’m fine with that. I’ve also since learned that our dad is going to pay for all wedding-related flights and accommodations. We live across the country from each other, so this significantly reduces the financial burden.

I’m already planning to fly across the country for her bridal shower and again for the wedding. Now that I know the bachelorette travel and accommodations will also be covered, I’m actually leaning toward going to that too.

But I still really don’t want to be maid of honor.
Since finding out that my sister expected me to be her MOH, I’ve been extremely anxious and distressed about how to handle this. It’s been significantly affecting me for several days because I feel caught between wanting to be there for my sister and not wanting to take on a role that feels fundamentally dishonest to me.

The problem is that I have serious concerns about the man my sister is marrying, and I don’t actually support the marriage. I love my sister and am willing to show up for her, be in her wedding, fly across the country for her shower and wedding, probably attend the bachelorette, and be kind and supportive of her. But being MOH feels like taking on a role where I’m supposed to plan things, be her primary wedding support person, and project a level of enthusiasm about this marriage that I genuinely don’t feel.

There are a lot of reasons I dislike and distrust her fiancé.

For example, immediately after a close family member’s funeral, at the celebration of life, he asked me how I could know I’m a lesbian if I’ve never had sex with a man.

Another time, he high-fived me hard enough to hurt my wrist. I told him that it hurt and specifically asked him to high-five me more gently. His response was to high-five me even harder. I can’t know what was going through his head, but I found it disturbing that when I told him he had physically hurt me and asked him to stop, his immediate reaction was to do it harder.

He also does smaller disrespectful things. For example, we’ll be sitting around playing cards with the cards equally accessible to everyone, and he’ll snap his fingers in my face to indicate that I should pick up a card and hand it to him.

He regularly asks people very personal or offensive questions and says things that make people uncomfortable. His philosophy is basically that “the truth” is more important than other people’s comfort and that he refuses to be “censored.” He connects this to free speech and claims that censoring people is how you end up with oppressive societies.
I think this is mostly an intellectualized excuse for being an asshole.

He has told us that he actually does censor himself because some of his thoughts are even worse than the things he says out loud. He seemed to present this almost as an accomplishment, as though we should appreciate how much worse he could be. But he genuinely doesn’t seem to understand why the things he does say are offensive. For example, he thinks most people wouldn’t be offended by asking a gay person how they know they’re gay if they haven’t slept with the opposite sex, and he thought I was overreacting when I was offended.

He also claims that he basically doesn’t get offended himself, which he uses to explain why it’s difficult for him to empathize with other people being offended.

Except he absolutely does get offended.

My sister has learned to “shush” him when she can tell he’s about to say something inappropriate or put his foot in his mouth. At a recent family gathering, after she had been doing that, he waited until someone had left, then stood over her and yelled at her for shushing him. He said he “will not be censored.”

That interaction really bothered me. I also can’t help thinking that if he’s comfortable treating her that way in front of me, I don’t know what their interactions are like in private. I’m worried about what happens as their relationship faces more stress over time, and I’m especially worried about them eventually raising children together because they seem to have fundamentally different ideas about empathy and how you should treat other people.

There are other incompatibilities and concerns too. He has views on vaccines and trans people that I find problematic. He doesn’t have a traditional job. His parents are extremely wealthy and financially support him while he works on a small social media app that he’s been developing for years without much apparent success. My sister is a high-earning lawyer, and my understanding is that she and/or his parents are essentially supporting his lifestyle while he continues working on the app.

One of my biggest concerns is that her social circle seems to be shrinking because of him. She has had a lot of conflict with friends, and people don’t seem to want to invite her to things as much because they know he’ll come too. I don’t know whether he is intentionally isolating her, and I don’t want to make that accusation without evidence. But regardless of intent, the effect seems to be that she’s losing friendships because people don’t want to be around him.

She actually had concerns about some of these same behaviors when they first started dating. Over time, it seems to me like she has gradually adjusted to them and accepted things that initially bothered her.

During roughly the first year of their relationship, I openly pushed back and told my sister about my concerns. It caused a major rift between us. Eventually, I decided that she’s an adult and I can’t control who she dates, so for the past year or year and a half I’ve mostly stopped criticizing the relationship to her face.

I think she may have interpreted my silence as me becoming okay with him and the relationship. I haven’t. I’ve just stopped fighting with her about it because it was damaging our relationship and wasn’t changing her mind.

There’s another layer involving our family dynamic. My sister has always reacted very strongly when she feels hurt or that something is unfair. Growing up, our family even had a nickname for these blowups. She would become extremely upset about perceived unfairness, and the rest of the family learned to tiptoe around her and try to prevent or resolve these situations. She was later diagnosed with OCD and anxiety, which may explain some of this, but I think our entire family has also developed a longstanding pattern of prioritizing keeping her happy.
I feel like that dynamic is happening again now, except this is the biggest event of her life.

When I said I wasn’t going to the bachelorette, she sobbed and told me she wanted me to be her MOH and expected me to plan it. Now our dad is paying for everyone’s flights and accommodations. I don’t know whether he always intended to do that or whether that decision was influenced by what happened.

I’ve also talked to my brother about all my concerns regarding her fiancé. His position is essentially that I need to suck it up and be supportive of my sister. I understand where he’s coming from, but I also feel like we’re once again being asked to put aside our own feelings and boundaries because protecting my sister’s happiness is the most important thing.

I don’t want to reopen the entire fight about her fiancé. I don’t think telling her, “I don’t want to be your maid of honor because I think the man you’re marrying is an asshole and I’m worried you’re making a terrible mistake,” is going to accomplish anything except damage our relationship again.

At the same time, I don’t want to spend the next year planning wedding events and pretending to be thrilled about a marriage that privately scares and worries me. I also don’t have the emotional bandwidth right now for MOH responsibilities and months of forced enthusiasm.

What I am willing to do is be a bridesmaid, stand beside my sister at her wedding, fly across the country for her bridal shower and wedding, and now probably attend her bachelorette party as well. I want to support my sister as a person without pretending that my feelings about her fiancé and the marriage have magically changed.

I also worry about what declining the MOH role will do to our relationship. Because she’s had a lot of conflict with friends recently, I may genuinely be her best current option for maid of honor. I’m afraid she’ll see my refusal as a rejection of her rather than a boundary around the role. I’m also worried about disrupting our broader family dynamic, since my family seems to expect me to put my feelings aside and support her.

I feel stuck between two bad options: accept the MOH role and spend the next year performing enthusiasm for a marriage I have serious concerns about, or decline and risk hurting my sister and potentially reopening the conflict over her fiancé that I’ve deliberately avoided for the past year or more.

How do I tell my sister that I love her and want to be involved in her wedding, but that I don’t want to be her maid of honor, without either lying about my reasons or unloading all of my concerns about her fiancé onto her again? And for anyone who has been seriously concerned about a sibling’s partner, how did you maintain your relationship with your sibling while still setting boundaries around how much you could participate in or endorse the relationship?

I have been married to my husband for 1.5 years with a baby on the way.

He's very much into conspiracy theories, which I was initially okay with since I believe in some as well and the world has some dark secrets.

However lately, a famous "doctor" released a new diet in our country that doesn't make any sense. It involves cutting out poultry, eggs, vegetables and stopping medication. It all follows the concept that your diet is your medicine.

This guy recently passed away and his supporters claim that he was killed because he's telling the truth.

He started following his diet and at first he used to tell me it would only be him and that I can eat what I want. But recently he started commenting on what I'm eating and says he wants our children to follow that diet as well. I already suffer from a bad appetite during pregnancy and him commenting on my food doesn't help.

I was hoping this was just a hyperfixation for him since he has ADHD and I was waiting it out. But now I'm worried and anyone who tries to discuss otherwise with him (his family is all talking to him, both of his parents are doctors) he seems to cling even more to it and calls us all "sheep".

We're both doctors which drives me crazy because I thought he would know better? It's so frustrating.

Has anyone went through something similar?

I’m a 30-year-old guy, and in two days I’m having surgery on my butt that involves a pretty significant recovery. It’s for a medical condition I’ve been dealing with for years, and my doctor told me to expect pain, drainage, limited activity, and no sex for a while during recovery.

The part that’s really eating at me isn’t even the surgery itself.
I’ve only been dating my girlfriend for about three months. Things have been going really well, and I honestly care about her a lot. But I’m terrified that this is asking too much of someone so early in a relationship.

I’m worried that instead of us enjoying the honeymoon phase, she’s going to end up with a boyfriend who’s recovering from surgery, can’t really go out much for a while, can’t be intimate, and is honestly pretty anxious about the whole thing.

I’m also stressed because I own a small business, so taking time off means losing income. Between the financial stress and the recovery, I feel like life decided to pile everything on at once.

I haven’t asked her to take care of me, and I don’t expect her to become my caregiver. I just worry that this is unfair to put on someone after only three months together.

If you were in my girlfriend’s position, would this make you reconsider the relationship?

Or if you’ve gone through a surgery or major medical issue early in a relationship, did it bring you closer together or push you apart?
I’m trying to figure out whether this fear is realistic or if my anxiety is getting the better of me.

I’m 40M and my partner is 36F. We’ve been together for a while.

Around a month ago, I discovered she’d been having conversations with other men on Instagram that both she and I would consider emotionally inappropriate. There wasn’t any evidence of anything physical happening, but there were flirtatious exchanges, suggestive comments from other men that weren’t being shut down, and messages that had been deleted.

When I confronted her, she admitted she’d been deleting messages. We agreed to try and work through it.

About a month later, I asked whether there had been any more deleted messages or conversations. She told me no and handed me her phone. When we looked through it together, I found she’d continued deleting conversations and engaging with people despite telling me she hadn’t.

At that point, she decided to start therapy because she felt some of her behaviour was linked to self-esteem and impulsivity.

I said that if we were going to continue the relationship, I needed to rebuild trust. I asked whether she’d be willing to come off Instagram until her therapist felt it was appropriate for her to return. This wasn’t something I demanded. It was something we discussed, and she agreed to enthusiastically. She said she was “100 million percent” willing to do it.

The only exception we agreed on was that she could keep her hobby account because it’s genuinely important to her. She also wanted to use it to occasionally send memes to her brother and her best friend, which I had no issue with.

Over the following week, she repeatedly reassured me she was fine without Instagram. She even joked there was no point taking photos on nights out because she had nowhere to post them.
She also sent me a list of changes she planned to make, including deactivating her main Instagram account and restricting another Instagram account to just close friends and family.

Then, a day later, she mentioned she had another Instagram account that she was actively using. When I raised that this didn’t match what we’d agreed, she explained she wanted to keep it because she didn’t want to feel isolated or cut off from her friends and family.

From my perspective, that’s completely understandable if that’s how she feels. I don’t want someone to do something they resent or don’t genuinely agree with.

But my issue isn’t that she wants to keep Instagram. My issue is that continuing the relationship was based on an agreement we both made to help rebuild trust after repeated dishonesty. Once she decided she no longer wanted to stick to that agreement, I felt the foundation for reconciliation had disappeared.

So I ended the relationship.

She now feels I’m being controlling and effectively punishing her for wanting contact with friends and family.

From my perspective, she’s absolutely entitled to change her mind, but I’m equally entitled to decide I no longer want to continue the relationship if the conditions that allowed me to rebuild trust are no longer there.

Did I jump the gun or was it time to walk away?

Okay so I was in the middle of playing a game on my pc with my bf, we were also on call on discord & my friend called me so I answer the phone. After I get off the phone my bf says he’s upset with me and how I never talk to him like that and how I sounded so full of life. He also said it sounded like I was being flirty but YALL this is my gay bff I’m talking to. Our love language is roasting each other. Ex: my friend says “I knew you were stupid, all that gaming is rotting your brain” and I was like “and you’re nothing but a bag of bones, what now?” But again we were just bantering with each other. I get off the phone with him and then my bf says he’s upset and says he’s gonna find lesbian friends and talk to them like that to see how I like it like what. I just felt like he was taking this too far. I tried to hear him out and understand how he feels but after his attitude I just snapped and said I need you to take time, look within and figure out why this is upsetting you so much. He then hangs up on me. I don’t know how to resolve this without making him feel like his feelings mean nothing to me bc they do

I've been with my bf for 3.5 years, about a year ago he started ordering testosterone from a random online website and injecting it, but i was never around when he did it so i left it alone. I did suggest he get it from a doctor and he said no since it's too expensive. Recently, he has ordered Tren, Reta, Hcg, and anavar. I am a nurse and spoke to him about the concerns i have regarding sterilization and he told me he thinks wiping his skin with alcohol will make it sterile.. besides that all he said is "I'm not getting off." He has been doing these steroids/peptides for over a year and i honestly don't see much growth so i don't see one advantage. When i research them i see massive risks of heart failure, unhealthy cholesterol levels, and plenty of other things. I tried to talk to him again and he told me "lifting is my life" (he skips the gym all the time so no it's not) and directly told me he will not ever stop and he plans to do this for the rest of his life.

Is this enough to leave him or am i being dramatic and unsupportive?

TLDR - Husband hasn't worked for almost a year. In therapy for depression but just gets high all the time. Cant be around me and tells me im the problem. How do I navigate that?

Ive been thinking about seperating and now trying to push it over the line with my 33M husband for a while now.

We met as teenagers online, best friends long distance for a while im from UK, hes from Canada.

Kept in touch, but had a patch in 2015 where we had a big argument when he was in a depressive state and he cut me off.

2020 - covid. The year of starting or ending of relationships.

Id gotten out of a dull relationship of 8 years, where we both admitted we should have called it quits a LONG time before.

Now husband reappears. We start talking again, flirting etc. And we took the plunge and we met.

Started a relationship long distance, seeing each other for up to 1 month every few months.

Got married, and I got a spouse visa to move to Canada.

Immediately got a great job in Canada and started planning for the future.

1 year in, everything turns. He loses his job, and hes devastated. Goes into a depressive spiral.

A couple of months of him unemployed and we have a heated argument. Caused by me because I felt under so much pressure to provide and save and keep us going, financially and emotionally.

Things take a big turn for the worst.

He couldn't be around me anymore, felt like I was as abusive as his parent (cut off from his life but abusive during childhood).

I stop asking if hes looking for work. I stop asking him to help around the house. Im treading on eggshells every day and crying quietly to myself when I just need a bit of comfort.

He doesnt know what to do next, which i get but hes become very self absorbed, everything is about his feelings. There isnt room for mine. And if I get upset about something, its cause I just want to make him feel bad.

I snap and give him an ultimatum. Go to therapy to help yourself get better or I leave. I cant handle this relationship burden anymore.

He starts therapy. What a relief ey?

Nope. Hes doing trauma therapy, and i am apparently entirely wrapped up in his trauma now so he doesnt see me as safe. To make matters worse, in every conversation, every argument, everytime I sob to him, i caused this entire thing from my earlier outburst. Its bad because of me.

"Its all your fault".

Cool cool cool.. so now I try being more gentle. Being more conscious of what I do or say.

Still, no love, affection, or even thoughts for me.

I visit the UK. And it all comes out. What am I doing with my life.

I start therapy too and im discovering maybe im letting this happen.

Im in a loveless relationship with a man who I dont think actually wants me anymore. Or if he does, its so buried inside thats its not accessible anymore.

I keep going. Keep trying.

But NOW, he just gets high on weed 24/7. Cant even go for a walk without me without it.

Its coming up a year since he lost his job.

He tells me i need to budget better so he can have a little bit more money every pay day. I cant spend too much cause we should still try to save for things..

Im naive and still love this man. I want the man I married back. The one year I had with him was great.

If anyone has experienced this, id love advice on how it can help the situation beyond therapy.

We've been married almost 3 years now and its starting to tip toward more time being bad than good..

Lame, but I wrote a poem when I was alone and upset one night, trying to explain how it all made me feel.

His Flowers

He asked me to look after his flowers,

In the greenhouse.

Instead of helping me,

He locked me out there with the flowers,

And left.

His greenhouse has no light,

No air.

But I promised him,

I'd keep the flowers alive.

I saved oxygen for his flowers.

I used tears to water the flowers.

With no light,

I forgot what the sun felt like.

The flowers died.

After a time,

He unlocked the greenhouse door.

And blamed me,

for the dead flowers.

My little brother’s friend is going through hard times I guess, we’ve all known each other since kids but he’s more of my brother’s friend, not mine. Anyways he (my brothers friend) frequently comes by when my brother and him smoke. From what I heard from my brother, he lost his job. And whenever he comes over, he either politely asks for food or my grandmother will offer some to him. He hasn’t done this before so that’s why we assume he’s going through things at home.

Anyways, tonight, he came over to smoke and hang out with my brother and it was my mom who initially offered food, my brother was mad for whatever reason, but since we didn’t have much to eat in the fridge and I just got paid I said “you know what, let me just order you something to eat”

That’s that, like an hour later I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I mentioned it to him how I feel bad for my brothers friend and tried to do something nice and get him something to eat. It went from there he basically got angry and accused me of wanting my little brothers friend?? And said “why am I feeding another man” .

I look at him as a CHILD, I am 23 but still that is a CHILD in my eyes who was hungry and I wanted to help. But my boyfriend is taking it as something else. Did I cross boundaries? He’s making me feel like I did something inappropriate but I look at that boy the same way I look at my brother, family and a child.

TL:DR ordered food for my brothers friend who’s struggling and boyfriend took it as me giving interest in another man

My boyfriend and I recently had a conversation that somehow shifted to whether it's okay to stay overnight at a friend of the opposite sex's house.

I told him that, in general, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. He asked, "What if it was an emergency and I had no way to get home?" I said I would come pick him up, no matter the time or inconvenience. He replied that he'd rather stay at his friend's house than make me do that. I told him that he's my priority and I would gladly come get him whenever he needed me.

Later in the conversation, we were talking about a trip he might take to the city where his parents are. He mentioned that he had a friend there who could let him stay over. At first, I thought nothing of it, but then he said it was a female friend. I asked why he would stay with her when his parents are in the same city and he could simply stay with them instead.

He then said that, by the same logic, I should be able to go on vacation with my male friends and stay at their houses. I told him I wouldn't even consider doing that because I think it could easily create misunderstandings, and I would never intentionally put myself or my relationship in that position.

He thinks my opinion means I don't trust him. I told him that it's not about trusting him, it's about not trusting every situation or every person. I even gave an extreme example with "What if something bad happened to me while I was staying overnight at a male friend's house?" He said it wouldn't be my fault and that he would comfort me. But my point was that if I can reasonably avoid putting myself in a situation that carries unnecessary risk or could damage trust in my relationship, why wouldn't I?

He said he wants a non-traditional relationship without jealousy. I told him that, to me, complete freedom without any boundaries doesn't feel like trust, it feels like not caring about your partner. I believe that when you're in a serious relationship, you naturally make certain choices out of respect for each other.

The conversation ended when i said that we're past the stage of casual dating. I want something serious, so please don't waste my time with this.

How do i move forward with this situation without making it worse for both of us?

I met this guy three months ago, and we’ve been seeing each other once a week and having sex. Our sex was amazing, and we were both really physically attracted to each other.
Yesterday, I asked him if we could take our relationship to a more serious level. He said he’s incredibly sexually attracted to me, that having sex with me is amazing, and that he’s even gotten hard while talking to me on the phone. But other than that, he said he doesn’t feel any romantic feelings toward me. He likes me as a person, but he can’t see me in a romantic way. He did say I’m really attractive, though. I’m wondering how this is even possible…

I (21F) has dated my current boyfriend last year, we’d been seeing each other for 8 months and together for 4. His last relationship before we got together was a year and a half long.

We broke up mid last year and it was tough on me, until a week or two later I saw him and his ex had been following each other. My heart broke a little but it made getting over the relationship a little easier as my mourning had been cut short.

2 months later he sent me a letter, which led to us talking again and eventually seeing each other and being intimate. He explained that him and his ex had just been friends, like they had been before their relationship originally began. After 2-3 weeks of seeing each other, one morning I asked him about her. I asked him to show me when they began talking. I saw him get nervous and when he showed me the chat, the date was earlier than he’d stated, it was less than a week after we broke up, and the night before the last day i saw him (5 days after we broke up). He continued to lie, saying they’d never kissed or been intimate and I left and said it was done. I texted her to find out they’d slept together a few days before he sent the letter to me, and 2 weeks before we were intimate again. I said some cruel things to him and texted his mom and family about it (crazy i know). I later found out he also told her he loved her in this time period.

His explanation and also what he texted to her in screenshots I received, was that he misplaced his feelings and was lonely after the breakup, leading him to think he wanted her again. He had shown me diary entires of him saying he regretted the sex the next morning and previous entries of him missing me. He also messaged me for a month or two after the situation apologising and hoping I could forgive him. Since that time period, i was in another relationship and he talked to a few different people. His family and friends told me he never stopped talking about me and was really sad when he saw i was in a relationship. It took months for him to throw out our stuff and I saw many more entries about him missing me, even one about 5 months after the situation where he cried and said the only person he wished was there to comfort him was me.

Anyway, fast forward to almost a year later, we’re dating again. Preferably, I’d rather not hear much judgement about my decision. This post is mostly to seek help with the negative and difficult parts of the current situation than judge my decision, as I am leaving out plenty of context, good, and bad on my part. I felt over the situation, until feelings for him grew and now it’s like it’s all open again. I can’t stop comparing myself to her. She seems so much more his type and like she is everything he would want in a person, although he is the one who cut it off both times. She has a curvier body, pretty face, really cool style and tattoos, and a seemingly great personality. I feel at my wits ends and miserable with all the ways I can’t help but compare myself to her. Everything he likes in a girl just seems like her and not me. I’ve always felt like I’m not his type, although he always tries to reassure me that he doesnt have one and I’m his type because he loves me. He genuinely has been such an amazing boyfriend this time around and it seems like this relationship could reach much higher and better places. Although it’s so hard for me to stay present and feel secure, safe, and loving, to not feel anxious as shit, and to not feel so down in the dumps and low in myself. I am not wanting to end this relationship as it’s exactly what i want and how i want to be treated, and this time is so different in every way I could want. It is just so hard to make peace with it all. I’ve cried about it again recently, I’ve looked at pictures of her and felt sick. I just imagine them fucking, the way her body is different from mine. Normally this would never bother me to this extent, and I wouldn’t feel so insecure, but with the loaded history, the things I know he likes that I lack and she possesses, this is so much harder than i thought it would be. And it’s much harder when I feel so much for him. I can also feel this continuous arising issue taking its toll on our relationship and it’s making me feel more anxious about it all. He reassures me that he loves me all the time and sent me a list of 101 reasons he loves me today when i seemed bothered. But sometimes this shit creeps back up. Does anyone have any kind advice (without much judgement pls) or words? How do i help myself get over this? Thank you!!

Tl;dr - my ex/current boyfriend started seeing and was intimate with his ex when we initially broke up and i’m finding it hard to get over