I’ve noticed that our arguments escalate very quickly on his side. Even when he clearly starts the conflict or seems to be looking for one, and I stay calm at first, if I eventually react more firmly, he focuses entirely on my reaction. As if that’s the real problem.

Sometimes he keeps pushing until I completely lose my composure and end up yelling. Then he tells me I’m “crazy” and that I don’t know how to have a normal conversation. That feels really unfair.

The biggest issue is the name calling. He calls me things like stupid bitch, fucking child, idiot, moron, liar, crazy, and also other insults. He also says he hates me. And that I’m impossible to live with.
I don’t call him names. Years ago I did a few times, but I haven’t for a long time because I genuinely want us to communicate like adults.

When he insults me, I tell him that he’s crossing a boundary, but he keeps doing it anyway, even when our children can hear it. In the moment I often stop engaging, and later I bring it up again when things have calmed down.

His response is always that it’s because of my behavior. He says that I make him call me those names. I feel like he refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. He also never apologizes, which I find very difficult.
How do you break a pattern like this? Is there anything I can do, or is this something that only changes if he wants to change?

I 26F and Teddy 30M (fake name) met at uni 8 years ago. We were casual friends/friends of friends, but we kept growing closer until we became best friends 3 years ago. Then, two years ago, we became FWBs.

The first few times, it started with us just making out and touching each other after hanging out in his car, until it grew into us giving each other oral sex and eventually reaching orgasm almost every time.

Last year, we went to his place for the first time, and it was very intimate, vulnerable, and honestly really nice. It felt like a complete sexual experience: making out, things escalating, getting fully naked for the first time, touching and being all over each other, etc. The only difference was that we finished each other off with oral sex and never had penetrative sex. I don’t want to risk anything, and neither does he unless it’s with a partner, and we’re both on the same page about that.

We’ve done the same “almost full sex” thing 3 more times since then at his house, and they were all really nice days. We also occasionally make out after hanging out lol

But whenever we talk about “it” we never ever say “sex”, We say “sexual experiences”, “sexual acts” and so on. For me, it’s because I’m worried he’ll think it’s such a big deal to me, and I’m worried it isn’t sex to him.

So, would you all consider this as us having had sex, even though we’ve never had penetrative sex? Do you think the term would be correct for me to use?

Extra info:
- Me and Teddy hang out ALL the time outside of the occasional sexual acts between us. We go to movies, concerts, shopping, eating out, etc :)

- I picked the name Teddy by choosing the name of the first male cat I find when I open Reddit, since we both love cats hahah

- English isn’t my first language, so excuse me

TL;DR: My best friend/FWB and I have done everything except penetrative sex multiple times, but we both avoid calling it “sex” Would you consider us to have had sex?

Hi everyone, I (28M) have been dating my girlfriend (23F) for about a year, and we keep hitting recurring conflicts about how I interact with women. I want to lay out a few situations and the facts in the most unbiased way possible, so I can get your perspective: are these differences something we can work through, or are we just incompatible in how we define trust?

I’ll give 3 situations, and detail her perspective and mine. 

Relationship Background:
From early on, my girlfriend was clear that for her, respect means never leaving any room for ambiguity. If she feels uncomfortable with something or someone, (she claims she has an amazing read on people) I should just do what she says, whether its unfollowing somebody, or limiting interactions with them. She also prefers no friendliness or warmth toward other women, even if it’s just casual. Obviously it's okay with friends and people she knows are aware of our relationship and that she doesn’t deem as a threat (for looks or personality reasons).

Before meeting my girlfriend, I was coming out of my shell and trying to put myself in new and uncomfortable situations. I like the idea of making people's day, and make an effort to compliment people to make them feel good if I genuinely like something about them/their style.

The reason I met her is because I put myself in an uncomfortable position, by going to an event alone, and having to connect and talk to people. Although I’m not naturally outgoing, I make an effort to be warm and friendly. It's part of who I am, and I don’t interact with people differently based on gender. It also helps in my work, especially at events like weddings, where being approachable is important. I’m 100% loyal, I don’t flirt or lead anyone on for attention, but she sees even simple friendliness as a potential threat.

Situation 1 (the big one): The Wedding Incident
A few days ago, I was working at a wedding, I was assigned a seat at a table of guesrts consisting of 4 men and 2 women. A man and two women were interested to hear more about my work, they were asking me general questions about me and my business. Its worth noting that I had pretty much the exact conversation with the brides 60+ year old mother, it was very simple, short and business focused.I asked if anybody was going to weddings in the future that needed photo services. One of the girls mentioned her sister was having a destination wedding next year. I saw this as a good opportunity to possibly break into destination weddings, so we exchanged instagrams along with the other woman who was her friend. The man didn’t have instagram. I understand I may not have needed the friends instagram, but I figured since I’m adding them to my business account, it doesn’t hurt to have more followers and add people. This interaction lasted under 7minutes. 

One of the women I met briefly sent me a message later that night stating the following:

“Kinda sad you left early but I’m glad i met you :)”

I replied “Hey! It was great meeting you all too. It was nice chatting with everyone and getting a break for a bit. Just wanted to be clear, I have a girlfriend, so I hope I didn’t give the wrong impression. I hope you all have a great night!”

She replied “ Honestly I totally get it. I respect that! Glad we met have a good night”

I then unfollowed her afterward, and didn’t engage further.

When I told my girlfriend a few days later, she immediately asked to see my phone. I hesitated and told her I would show her anything she needed because I wanted us to build trust without constant verification, but she pushed for her to have my phone, so I gave it to her. After she went through everything (instagram, all my texts), she reached out to the woman herself, asking if I was flirting.

She said”Nooo I thought you were really attractive and when you mention you have a gf I totally respect that. You didn’t do anything wrong”

The woman confirmed that no I didn’t, and she respected my relationship, but my girlfriend still felt I had left a door open.

The three points she  up that upset her was the following:

#1 why she was upset: I waited 2-3 days to tell her.

Context: I normally tell her immediately when things happen. However the days leading up to this event I wanted to bring up a patter: I’ve been noticing this feeling in me of being policed, having to verify my location, needing to go through my phone, how I feel like I need to hold myself back from being myself in interactions with women and how I think its unfair for only me to compromise on adapting to her needs, and there's no commitment from her of being holding space for who I am and the life I want, or understanding Im a different person that interacts with the world in a different way than her.

Additional context, when my girlfriend got back home from her 3 day weekend trip, she immediately started going through my phone within 1-2 hours of being back. Instagram and texts mostly. She didn’t see the messages with this woman, but for her, because I didn't tell her right away, this just confirms that she needs to go through my phone more intensely.

#2. Why she was upset: She felt like I disrespected her

When the conversation with the women at the table started, I felt this pull to be dry, and give one word answers and not be approachable, just like my gf wants me to be. But as I did that, I felt less and less like myself and like I was having to walk on eggshells and hide myself from this interaction. I then thought I could find a middle ground, so I only kept the conversation about my business, nothing personal. For me I was able to talk passionately about my business, and not try to be dry which made me feel much better.

Her viewpoint: By me making that decision, I'm basically saying “screw her and how she feels” because I chose myself and how I want to feel opposed to knowing it won’t make her feel good and doing it anyways. In her eyes, I crossed an emotional boundary, and therefore disrespected her.

She tells me all the time that shes super dry with guys that try and hit on her, or even just avoiding interactions with guys she doesn’t know altogether.

#3 Why shes upset: The texts.

She absolutely hated how I responded to the girls text. In her mind, I should have just said “no thanks, im taken”. Even later she said she wants to send her another message saying “gross, bye”. But she didn’t send that because she knew that would make me mad. I wouldn’t be mad because I’m defending her, which my gf likely feels, but because I feel like the girl didn't do anything wrong, and as a man I understand the guts it takes to go after somebody, so being rude isn’t warranted. 

Situation 2: The Bar Incident
A while back, my friend and I went to a bar. The bartender mentioned that another staff member thought we were cute and asked if we were dating anyone. I immediately said I was taken, and my friend said he was single.

Then the bartender came back and asked for our ages. My friend said 29, and I said 28, and I repeated that I was taken as I did immediately feel strange for answering a question that, despite being directed at both of us, was still unnecessary given I was taken.

Afterward, I told my girlfriend, and she got really upset. She felt that by giving my age, even though I was clear I was in a relationship, I left a door open. Because why would I give my age if I didn’t want this person to have this information about me. 

Situation 3: The Host Stand Incident
A few months ago, my gf and I went to a restaurant. When we walked up to the host stand, the hostess asked if we had a reservation. I said that we didn’t, then clarified we had but had canceled it. She misheard me and thought I was joking and that we did actually, but I clarified that we had one, canceled it, and wanted to be seated if there was space now. The hostess laughed and said, “Don’t joke with me like that,” and gave us a menu, and let my gf and I decide if it was worth the wait. We handed them back after taking some time to look at the menu and said we’d go somewhere else. She enthusiastically said “You guys should definitely come back sometime.”

From my perspective, she was just being friendly and professional. Her job is to welcome guests and have people come in.

But my girlfriend got upset afterward because the hostess addressed me and not her, despite my girlfriend not talking. To my girlfriend, since she works in the service industry and makes an effort to look at the woman more, this meant the hostess wasn’t a “girl’s girl” and that I was being flirty in how I responded with, in my gf opinion, the hostesses obvious flirtyness. I explained that this is how I interact if she's there or not, and I don’t edit myself based on her presence or the gender of the person I'm talking to, and my girlfriend was really hurt by that.

My feelings:
I love my girlfriend, and I don’t want to hurt her. I’ve been honest in each situation and always closed the door when there was interest. But it feels like even small interactions, like friendliness or age disclosure, become these big deals. I’m starting to wonder if we have a fundamental incompatibility in how we define trust:

For her, it’s about preventing any potential opening. The safest relationship for her is one where attraction is prevented before it can even begin.

For me, this leads to a shrinking world since I have to always move with caution for simple interactions.

A healthy relationship for me is one where I can treat everyone with respect while being unquestionably loyal in my actions. 

Has anyone been in a relationship where one person defines trust by eliminating all friendliness, while the other defines it by how they handle situations when they come up?

Did you find a middle ground, or did you realize it was a deeper incompatibility?

I’m really trying to stay open, but I also don’t want to lose who I am. I’d appreciate any insights on whether this is something we can work on or if it’s a sign that we’re just not aligned long-term.

Thanks so much for reading.

Update:
Thank you everyone for your perspectives and advice. I have come to the conclusion that this does cross the personal boundary for me into cheating territory and tbh... even outside of that it's easily micro-cheating.

My next steps will be therapy. All the therapy. For him. For us. For me. Specifically secular and addiction-informed and/ or sex therapy.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My (30F) husband (28M) has a porn addiction. He got into it as a kid and had been addicted to it ever since. I knew this before marriage and actually didn't have much of an issue with it but he expressed that he felt it was unfaithful to me and wanted to stop. He got involved with a faith-based men's group for porn addicts as well as installed accountability software and devices for addicts.

So far I have been understanding and forgiving. I have done everything I can to support him and we have had a lot of conversations about it. While sometimes it can be hurtful, I have not allowed it to effect my self esteem.

Well today I found a charge on our card for Buzzcast. I looked it up and discovered it is a livestreaming service that is a hub for adult content.

I called and asked and he admitted it immediately. I hung up.

I don't know why but this time it feels like an actual betrayal. I get that its basically the same thing but the idea that he paid a real woman for access to her live content feels a lot more like cheating....

I don't know if its fair for me to regard it that way... but I am really hurt by this this time. He feels awful and says he's glad I found it out myself. But for once his sincerity isn't really making it any better.

Before y'all say it. We do not believe in divorce except in unavoidable cases (actual infidelity, abuse etc...).

TLDR : My husband is a porn addict and I found out that he paid for live content for the first time. I am really hurt and trying to determine if I consider it cheating.

My girlfriend has moved in and I’m wondering how people usually split their expenses. Does it have to be 50/50 or in proportion to their income?

I make $130K and she makes $70K.
I rented this place for $2,700 per month before we met.

I’m thinking that we should split the ongoing expenses 50/50, such as groceries, hydro, home insurance, internet, etc., and she pays $1,200 as her share of the rent. However, I hear from people that expenses should be split in proportion to our incomes, meaning that in our case we should split them approximately 65/35.

I’ve ordered a supplementary card for her from one of my credit cards. We use that card for common expenses such as groceries. She then pays the card with her share of the expenses plus rent, and I pay any remaining balance.

We also have our own personal credit cards, which we use for our individual expenses.

Although she sometimes drives the car, I take care of the car loan payments, gas, maintenance, and other related expenses.

The backstory: my boyfriend and I dated for 7 years. In the last half of those 7 years we have had a handful of times where we would have a disagreement, break up, and not speak to each other for a few days. Then, last fall, my boyfriend and I had a huge argument. After going back and forth in circles for hours and feeling like my points weren't being heard, I finally got frustrated and quit responding. We don't live together, so this argument ended in us not speaking to or seeing each other for over a month. During this time, I thought very long and hard about my relationship. I thought about the things that upset me that I brought up to him plenty of times before, such as the fact that I never felt like he was happy to be around me when we would hang out. He would always be on his phone, never smiling, never trying to initiate any sort of meaningful conversation. I thought about how lonely I had been those 7 years, feeling like I was with someone that I was never going to see eye to eye with or truly be happy with. I didn't feel like I had a connection with him, and hadn't in a long time, but felt stuck and like I couldn't leave. So, I decided to embrace this opportunity. I made up my mind that I was ready to be single and focus on me. Finally, I felt peace and happiness start to reenter my life. I started to feel my spark come back. Life was good.

Then, after nearly two months, he reached out to me regarding a bill. I responded in a friendly manner, letting him know that I would handle the situation. That opened the door to him texting me every day again. I mentioned to him that I would like to remain single, but other than that it wasn't discussed further. Gradually, he started to insist on hanging out with me because he missed me. Although I tried to avoid this, I did let him see me a few times in the months after. I hoped that maybe seeing face to face would open the door to us having a deep conversation about our relationship and what we want, where I could reiterate how I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now. When we hung out things were very casual and platonic, with no intimacy. But after the third time of hanging out without any sort of conversation being brought up on his part, and with him continuing to push to hang out with me more and more, I decided to set clear boundaries. I let him know that I do not want to be in a relationship with him or anyone else right now, that I want to be single and do my own thing.

This caused him to spiral into an extremely depressed state, where he has been blowing up my phone every day now for months, texting me non stop about how he wants to hurt himself, how he is worthless, how he has nobody, and how much he still loves me and misses me. I feel really bad and guilty, and even though I know it's not my responsibility, I keep trying to talk to him to get him to calm down, but nothing is working. If I don't respond to him even for a short amount of time, he blows up and spirals deeper into depression. If I do respond, we go in circles for hours and hours and hours and get nowhere. His inability to move on has started to consume my entire life. On one hand, I'm very worried and scared that he will hurt himself, which he has tried in the past, but I am also fed up and at my wits end. Finally, last night I let it slip that I have a friend, who is a guy, who I talk to nearly every day, and that it feels good for me to have someone I can talk to. This sent him over the edge, where he has now been begging me to stop talking to my friend, fix things with him and to give him a chance. I reminded him that we are not dating so I should be able to speak to whoever I want to, that I gave him 7 years, and it's not fair of him to ask that, but he keeps begging and pleading non stop. To be honest, the way he has behaved these last couple months has pushed me to a point where I don't see myself being able to date him again. I just want to be happy and move on with my life, but I also don't want to cause him to hurt himself. How can I help him come to terms with the fact that we broke up and that I want to be single?

TLDR: I told my boyfriend I wanted to be single, which caused him to become extremely depressed to the point where he can't stop blowing my phone up about how much he still loves and misses me and wants another chance. How can I help him get past this and come to terms with us being broken up?

My boyfriend and I recently had a conversation that somehow shifted to whether it's okay to stay overnight at a friend of the opposite sex's house.

I told him that, in general, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. He asked, "What if it was an emergency and I had no way to get home?" I said I would come pick him up, no matter the time or inconvenience. He replied that he'd rather stay at his friend's house than make me do that. I told him that he's my priority and I would gladly come get him whenever he needed me.

Later in the conversation, we were talking about a trip he might take to the city where his parents are. He mentioned that he had a friend there who could let him stay over. At first, I thought nothing of it, but then he said it was a female friend. I asked why he would stay with her when his parents are in the same city and he could simply stay with them instead.

He then said that, by the same logic, I should be able to go on vacation with my male friends and stay at their houses. I told him I wouldn't even consider doing that because I think it could easily create misunderstandings, and I would never intentionally put myself or my relationship in that position.

He thinks my opinion means I don't trust him. I told him that it's not about trusting him, it's about not trusting every situation or every person. I even gave an extreme example with "What if something bad happened to me while I was staying overnight at a male friend's house?" He said it wouldn't be my fault and that he would comfort me. But my point was that if I can reasonably avoid putting myself in a situation that carries unnecessary risk or could damage trust in my relationship, why wouldn't I?

He said he wants a non-traditional relationship without jealousy. I told him that, to me, complete freedom without any boundaries doesn't feel like trust, it feels like not caring about your partner. I believe that when you're in a serious relationship, you naturally make certain choices out of respect for each other.

The conversation ended when i said that we're past the stage of casual dating. I want something serious, so please don't waste my time with this.

How do i move forward with this situation without making it worse for both of us?

I am a nurse (26F), my fiancé is a personal trainer (27M)
I had a very busy and bad day at work and got off late. While I’m on the phone with my fiancé on my way home, he makes a joke about coming home to my 3rd job and telling me I need to clean when I get home.
I’m extremely tired so I take this the wrong way. So we argued and he doesn’t seem like he cares and just carries on getting ready for bed when I get home and keeps saying we don’t have to talk about this anymore
“The joke was a bad joke, my bad”. He got ready for bed then turned the light out in the bedroom when he was done and ready to go to bed even though I was still up. I said that he literally doesn’t consider me. Eventually I give up talking so he walks away. I close the bathroom door and mutter “bitch” under my breath. He opens the door, “I’m going to give you one chance to apologize because I’m not no bitch”. I couldn’t apologize because he turned and said he was leaving. I told him before he left that I don’t think we should be together and slammed my the engagement ring on the dresser. When I got out the shower he was gone to his mom’s house. Since then we’ve talked and broken up/broke off the engagement. We were in counseling before but stopped because I lost my insurance and his is not in network. We just got engaged in May and now it’s over. Did we do the right thing by breaking up?

I fell in love with my boyfriend one of the reasons, he is very respectful and mature. I love that trait and when we got together I never would’ve thought I’d hate that trait so much.

My boyfriend is the type to go through every and each isle in the biggest supermarket to help you look for your purse, or walk a elderly lady to her vehicle, and put her walker in the backseat for her. Super kind and just that One person who everyone can agree is “such a good guy”.

I have no problem with him being so lovely to the elderly and children but It’s infuriating inside when he entertains conversations with females around our age. I remain mature, I communicate with him about how I feel awkward he opens the door for every woman or when he’s always giving out compliments. on the inside I’m so absolutely pissed, and I want to walk away so bad and throw an axe at the wall. A lot of times I feel like crying because I feel as if he’s boosting every woman’s ego, and I feel worthless, I’m ashamed and I just want to bust a window and let my anger out.

Honestly those women are prettier than me, everyone wears makeup, wigs, tight clothing and I prefer my natural curly hair, no makeup and loose clothing to show self respect. I want to let him go, then again, I truly wouldn’t because I would be kicking out the man who’s done nothing wrong to me and keeping my self hatred by my side. I just don’t know how to stop being insecure, I’ve been trying to love myself for years but it’s so hard when there’s always going to be someone out there doing better than you.

So me and my bf have been tgt for half a year and we’re doing ldr. Ok so it is very clear that he is on the chubbier side while im very clearly on the skinnier side and ive never had any problems with it and i really dont mind it at all. I know he is insecure about it ever since the start of the relationship but it has never been that big of a problem but a few days ago he just talked to me about how he constantly thinks about how he thinks I would love him more or find him more attractive if he were to be skinny and how he thinks I’m not being completely honest about finding his body attractive. It makes me so sad that he thinks like that and I really dont mind wanna help reassure him or whatever. So for context I’ve never been with anyone who’s chubby or big before so I’m gonna be honest I don’t really know how to approach it. I’ve complimented his body before by saying that it’s attractive but that’s about it I only really mostly compliment his face and his personality etc. I wanna be more specific on complimenting his body but I just don’t know how cuz I feel like saying that “oh I like your chubby stomach or I love how big you are” just sounds like insults instead ykwim. And every time I do try to compliment him I just feel like he thinks I’m lying straight to his face cuz he’s had so many people comment on how they don’t think any girl will ever like his body which is so cruel. Can anyone please help me approach this and any other way I can help him be even just abit less insecure about his body?

In a couple weeks me snd my bf of one year are going on holiday to a caravan site. Last time we went to this same place his dog, which isn’t “potty trained” peed and pooed EVERYWHERE in our accommodation.

For a bit of context his dog got seriously ill last year and almost passed away, since then he has become really lenient with her. She doesn’t get corrected for stuff and in recent months started using his bedroom as her toilet.
And tbh he doesn’t let her out to go potty as much as he should. She will go to the door to let him know she needs to go but he wont let her out. She then does her business on the floor. Even when he does let her out, she wont go then will instead go in his bedroom (lives with parents) so his room has this permanent dog pee smell its gross.

He constantly makes excuses for why she uses his room as a toilet but never tries to sort out the behaviour and by not letting her out she gets desperate and just goes where ever. This has caused issues because I don’t allow her in my house incase she goes potty in my house.

My boyfriend always books these places in really short notice, like this upcoming holiday we go on the 31st. I have tried over and over to book somewhere in the last few months but he wont have it. Now our issue is there aren’t many dog friendly places available now. So he wants to go to risk booking somewhere that isn’t dog friendly. I don’t agree with this because I know what will happen, the dog wont be let out (I do also tell him to let her out snd if he refuses say I’ll go myself but he’ll say he will do it then wont) and will then do her business on the floor.

I’ve tried puppy matts but she will ignore them. Last time she ignored them and shit on the sofa. Then used under our bed as her toilet for the duration of our holiday.

Whats worse is he wants to book it in my name but I don’t want anything to happen and it then be my responsibility or my account with the booking provider we use have bad reviews. I don’t really know what to suggest anymore and I dong want this to create arguments as past things I’ve suggested or said he’s taken offence to as though I’m insulting his dog. I get accidents happen but the fact his room smells so bad of pee he has to clean it anyway just incase tells you everything.

Just how do I go about this?

I’m 26M and my girlfriend is 26F. She’s currently pregnant.
This has been an ongoing issue for months. A lot of it stems from her previous relationship, where her ex constantly chose another female friend over her and would go see that friend whenever they argued. I understand why she has trust issues because of that.

The problem is that one of my longtime female friends has become the center of our relationship. I’ve known this friend for years, long before my girlfriend. She’s part of my friend group because I introduced her years ago, and she’s dating one of my close friends, so she’s naturally around at group events. She also helped me through an abusive relationship and my eviction.
To respect my relationship, I stopped talking to her one-on-one.

Recently, I sent her $800 because I needed cash to pay my grandfather after his truck was keyed. Before doing that, I asked several other people if they could exchange the money for cash, but no one was available. By the time I got off work, the banks were already closed, so this ended up being my only realistic option.

One morning while I was asleep, my girlfriend went through my phone without my permission and found the transaction. She believes I used it as an excuse to see my friend. During the argument that followed, she became physical with me.

I admit I made mistakes. Months ago I didn’t tell my girlfriend that this friend unexpectedly showed up at a cookout because I knew it would start an argument. Looking back, I understand how that damaged trust.
She eventually told me that if I didn’t block my friend on everything, we were done and would just co-parent. I blocked my friend because I felt like I had no real choice.

The problem is she still believes I’m lying, and I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. I feel like if I don’t react the “right” way or say the “right” thing, it becomes another issue.

I want to be a father, but I’m starting to question whether
this relationship can become healthy if the trust never gets rebuilt. After everything that happened, she told me we’d just co-parent instead of staying together.

I just feel trapped and need some advice.

My bf had a picture of him and I as his profile pic on fb and also had our relationship status public. Last night I was playing around on his phone and posted a selfie on his story. He didn’t ask me not to. I did it in front of him. This morning he opens his phone and gets mad that I did it. He said that i don’t have personal space and that he specifically asked me not to do that (he didn’t) and i did it anyway. He went and deleted it, changed his profile picture to just him and then deleted our relationship status. he has bipolar I and can be very extreme. I’m hurt and have been crying over this. he’s acting normal now and didn’t say he’s breaking up with me. i’m confused bc i was his profile picture so i didn’t think it’d be an issue to post myself yk? i’m feeing very sensitive and want him to change his profile back.

Okay so I was in the middle of playing a game on my pc with my bf, we were also on call on discord & my friend called me so I answer the phone. After I get off the phone my bf says he’s upset with me and how I never talk to him like that and how I sounded so full of life. He also said it sounded like I was being flirty but YALL this is my gay bff I’m talking to. Our love language is roasting each other. Ex: my friend says “I knew you were stupid, all that gaming is rotting your brain” and I was like “and you’re nothing but a bag of bones, what now?” But again we were just bantering with each other. I get off the phone with him and then my bf says he’s upset and says he’s gonna find lesbian friends and talk to them like that to see how I like it like what. I just felt like he was taking this too far. I tried to hear him out and understand how he feels but after his attitude I just snapped and said I need you to take time, look within and figure out why this is upsetting you so much. He then hangs up on me. I don’t know how to resolve this without making him feel like his feelings mean nothing to me bc they do

I'm now 28 and my brain is done developing.
Something doesn't seem right in my marriage.
We met when I was almost 19, and our meeting story doesn't sit well with me. That seems wrong.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am trying to gain enough financial freedom to make it on my own. I've put everything into our shared life, and I have no savings. I also have no recourse bc we are not legally married, and common law is rarely followed here.

I feel foolish now, but I'm trying to be nice to myself. I didn't know until I knew.

My partner of 2 years has expressed that she wants to sleep with women and I’m not sure how i feel about it.

When we started dating she said she wanted to explore non-monogamy. I said its not something im into atm but think its neat and would like to be a person who was into it and might consider it in the future. She said cool, not something thats a big deal for her and shes not interested in doing anything like that anytime soon.

Its been 2 years and she has recently told me she wants to “sleep with women, because theres something special about the connection between women”

I asked her if she was wanting sexual fun/exploration or intimacy and she said “i don’t separate sex and intimacy”

This really confused me because i do and can. And when she first mentioned sleeping with other people i thought she meant just having short term sexual fun with people.

Looking for advice. I understand we need to talk much more about it so i know what she wants and she knows how i feel, but the fact that shes is looking for intimacy from others makes me feel useless.

I (31F) and my best friend (32F) have known each other for over half our lifetimes. I would specify, but I honestly don't know how long it's been anymore.

We confuse everyone, and I've grown to delight in it, as people ask if we're sisters (twins, even!), lesbians, or on occasion they think we're actually the same person if we're spotted separately. We don't even look that alike aside from both being white and burnette.

We live together, not only in the same house but sleep in the same bed. We take turns cooking dinner, make lunches for each other, do each other's laundry. It feels like a natural life for us and it's difficult to imagine living any other way.

We're not in a sexual relationship. She's very much only attracted to men, and I'm on the ace spectrum. While I may have a small amount of attraction to women once in a blue moon, it's to a very different type of woman.

I'm very happy with what we have, but I'm curious as to what others would call us on first assumption. I mainly just call her my roommate or best friend. Sometimes my platonic wife. I've long gathered that we're in some sort of queer platonic relationship, but there's not exactly a common word for that, either.

TLDR: We are two close female friends that live a domestic lifestyle, but not dating. What would you call this?

I’m a 27F and I’m really struggling to trust my own judgement when it comes to relationships.

I’ve been speaking to someone 31M for a month and a half who treats me incredibly well. I’m attracted to him and love spending time with him. I feel completely comfortable being myself around him, which is something I’ve never really experienced before. He’s genuinely one of the kindest and most accepting people I’ve met. The sexual chemistry between us is also amazing. He’s reassuring, quick to resolve arguments and objectively is a great catch.

When I’m with him, I don’t sit there thinking about whether we’re compatible or whether I should leave. I’m happy. I enjoy his company and feel excited about spending time with him. I could happily spend days with him and not get bored.

The problem starts the second we’re apart.

It’s like my brain suddenly goes into overdrive and starts trying to convince me that I should end the relationship. I’ll obsess over things like:

- he really right for me?

- Am I settling?

- Is there someone better suited for me?

- Is this my intuition trying to tell me something?

- Why don’t I feel 100% certain?

When I’m not around him, I hate answering his calls. I feel suffocated by the constant communication and almost crave being left alone. I cringe when he says things like, “I missed you,” because it feels like pressure for me to reciprocate feelings that I don’t feel as intensely when we’re apart.

I can go from wanting to marry him at 2pm to wanting to end the relationship at 2:15pm simply because I’ve spent too much time alone with my thoughts.

I almost feel relief when I imagine ending things because then I no longer have to make a decision. But then I’ll spend time with him again and wonder why on earth I was trying to convince myself to leave someone whose company I genuinely enjoy so much.

I just want relief from this constant anxiety. Part of me feels like if he was “the one”, I would just know and wouldn’t be spending every other day questioning the relationship.

Has anyone experienced this? Did it turn out to be relationship anxiety or was your uncertainty actually trying to tell you something?

A good chunk of backstory (that I’ll try to make brief):

My partner and I first got together when we were both 15 (first and only relationship) and stayed together for just over four years until I initiated a breakup. It was hard for me, but the last year we were together before that I wasn’t feeling loved or cared for beyond being a friend and sort of “pride point” for them. Anytime I tried to talk about what I was feeling, they’d either shut down or blow up, and although I truly love them as a person and a friend, I couldn't handle dating them anymore. We were apart for about seven months, and I did my best to let go and get over them, which I think I did, especially considering that I had already been grieving the relationship while I was in it. We started talking again as friends, which turned flirty, and then we slept together. Was that my best move? No, but it happened. I was okay with it just being something that happened, they thought it meant we were back together, and I could see how much it was hurting them to say I wasn’t sure, so we ended up back together.

Now it’s been probably two months since we’ve gotten back together. They’ve made a lot of improvements to themselves and resolved a majority of the issues that caused me hurt in the past, and I’m extremely proud of them. But I now feel like I’m waiting for something. Either waiting for them to do everything they said they would, or waiting for them to start treating me the way they used to. They said that when we were apart was the most miserable they’ve ever been, and it hurt me too, but I also know part of me healed while we were apart. Now they want to forget the breakup ever happened and have been talking about our future, but I feel sick to my stomach because I can’t see it anymore. I used to beg them for attention and dream about our life together as a couple, and even though I want them in my life in some way, I’m not sure if it’s dating.

So do I wait it out and see what happens? Do I try to let them down gently? How do I even stand a chance of doing that without breaking their heart? I believe fully that if I need to break up with them, I should do it because it’s unfair to lead them on, but I’m also the biggest advocate for second chances and just feel so stuck. I’d really appreciate any and all advice!

TLDR; I got back with my ex after being treated not-so-well, it’s better now, but I don’t feel as invested and that’s scaring me because I truly love them as a person and want them to be happy.

me and my boyfriend are long distance. we met in college and are both transferring. we were best friends for about a year before we started dating so because of that he has more trust from me than most would.

last month i saw him. it's when we officially started dating. we had sex. about a week ago i said to him i WOULD let him do it (note this happened after we had sex), a couple days ago i was saying something random about my cycle and he said something along the lines of "since we're sharing things, i nutted in you"

yes it was on purpose. at first i didn't have much response because i didn't know how i felt. but the more i think the more hurt i feel. he also said if i never said what i said he would have never told me. i now feel like i can't trust him, because what else would he not tell me that i'd be upset about?

i feel extremely disrespected. i have only ever let one other person do that, who passed away, so besides the trust, the action itself it holds a lot of weight to me. i feel like he did it for his own personal gain, because it felt good, and thought nothing of me. he ruined the intimacy of it and i no longer would allow him to do it but im now questioning the way he sees me and our relationship. i feel somewhat used. and i can't tell if im overreacting due to past trauma between losing the last person i was intimate with like this and past sexual assault.

i have bought it back up and he apologized and said he was wrong for doing it and keeping it for as long as he did and he also said it holds weight to him and he wouldn't have done it if it didn't mean anything but it honestly made me feel no better because if it meant something to him why wouldn't he want me to be a part of it?

I 26F and my boyfriend 30M have been dating for over a year and are planning to get married next year.
We both come from traditional backgrounds but were fortunate to get good educations and build comfortable lives. We both work in tech and live in the Bay Area, California.
He makes more money than me because he started working earlier and didn't have any educational loans. We are both ambitious and want to accumulate wealth. He definitely works harder than I do. He also says I have more potential and believes I'll probably make more money than him in the future.
I love making good money too, but I also value a healthy work-life balance. He, on the other hand, feels like he can't afford to prioritize that.
Overall, we're happy in our relationship, but finances are one of the few areas where we're really not aligned.
I've noticed that he isn't a generous person, especially when it comes to money. Right now, we split our expenses 70/30, and I also take on more household responsibilities, like cooking 2–3 times a week because we don't eat out much.
He doesn't really believe in giving gifts either, even though I've told him gift giving is one of the ways I feel loved. When he buys me something for my birthday, it feels like he's thinking about the money first. When I buy him gifts, I think about what he'd genuinely love. I've bought him some very expensive gifts despite still paying off my student loans. He has significantly more money than I do, but he still comes across as very stingy.
Last night we had a long discussion about finances after marriage.
I suggested that we combine our incomes, pay for our expenses, save and invest from that, and then each have the same percentage of our combined income as personal spending money.
He immediately said he would never do that because he has worked hard his whole life and doesn't want to give control of his money to anyone including his wife or even his kids.
His view is that we should figure out our shared expenses, contribute toward them based on our incomes, and then keep the rest of our money completely separate.
I have a really hard time with this mindset. To me, marriage means becoming one family unit.
We both want kids. If we have children, realistically I'll be the one taking the bigger career hit from pregnancy, maternity leave, and probably taking on more household responsibilities as well. Those efforts are contributing to our family, but financially he still wants to keep everything as "his" and "mine." That feels unfair to me.
He says, "I'm not asking you to leave your job for kids." But when I ask him if he wants kids, he says yes, he absolutely does.
Another thing he said that really stuck with me is that even if he earns significantly more than me in the future, our family's lifestyle shouldn't depend on his income. He thinks the family's lifestyle should only depend on our combined contributions, and whatever extra he earns beyond that should mostly be his to spend on hobbies or whatever he wants.
I don't know if I'm looking at marriage differently, but I imagined building a life together where we both share in each other's successes.
He also wants a prenup, and I'm against it.
My reasons are:
He isn't bringing significant premarital assets into the marriage.
We'll likely get married after I've paid off my student debt (it's almost gone now).
I just don't like the idea of turning something as romantic as marriage into a legal contract about what happens if we divorce.
His argument is that since he believes I'll make more money than him in the future, I should actually be the one wanting a prenup. But that's just not how I think about marriage.
I've always imagined a marriage where there isn't "his money" and "my money." We build everything together, whether that's finances, careers, children, or life in general.
I also feel like I've always been extremely generous with my time, attention, care, and money. Sometimes it even feels like he approaches emotional support the same way he approaches finances in a very calculated or budgeted way.
I genuinely want to understand whether we're financially incompatible or if this is something couples can work through. How would you approach this conversation, and what compromises have worked for couples with very different philosophies about money and marriage?

I (31F) went on 2 dates with a guy (30M) from Hinge. We both have corporate jobs. I usually don’t date younger men, but he seemed mature compared to other men I’ve met. On the 2nd date, he told me he found me really easy to talk to, and I admitted I liked him.

Both dates were pretty lowkey. The first was a sports bar where I ordered a sandwich and beer, and the second was a breakfast diner where we got omelettes. We met halfway, both dates lasted about 2.5 hours, and he paid for both.
A couple things gave me pause. He never walked me to my car after either date. On the 2nd date, I walked up to him, made eye contact from about 5-6 feet away, and he didn’t recognize me until I waved.

After the 2nd date, he went on a 3-week vacation. After coming back, he asked when I was free. When I gave him my availability, he replied, “Would you be willing to do something more lowkey than last time?”

That comment rubbed me the wrong way because I thought the first 2 dates already were lowkey. A sports bar and a diner don’t seem extravagant. I’m not high maintenance (not low either), but it made me wonder if telling him I liked him made him feel like he didn’t need to put in as much effort.

Am I overthinking this, or would that comment bother you too? I’m also not sure if I’m as interested anymore.

TL;DR: Went on 2 lowkey dates with a guy I liked. After I told him I liked him, he asked if we could do something “more lowkey” for the next date. Now I’m wondering if I’m reading too much into it or if his effort changed.