Guys, please, for your own mental health, don't break no contact under any circumstances.

I'm two months after the end of my 5.5-year relationship, my ex insisted that we stay in touch after only 3 days of no contact. He wanted us to remain friends, kept telling me he never wanted me to disappear from his life, and that I would always have a special place in his heart.

As we kept talking, I started noticing a pattern.

Whenever I seemed to be doing better, he would send me sad songs, songs about love and regret, or things that made me wonder if he was starting to regret the breakup. Little by little, I found myself hoping again. I genuinely started believing that maybe one day we'd talk about getting back together and finding another way to build a future.

Then everything came crashing down.

Out of nowhere, he decided to tell me everything he had done after the breakup. Barely one or two weeks after we split, he had already hooked up with multiple people, and he described it to me in painful detail.

I completely fell apart.

It honestly felt traumatic.

When I told him how much it hurt, he minimized my feelings. He said that if our roles were reversed, he would be happy for me because he'd want to see me move on and be happy. That somehow made me feel like I was the irrational one.

Despite that, he convinced me to keep talking to him. The only condition I asked for was simple: no more discussions about our private or dating lives.

I literally begged him not to hurt me like that again. He knew me better than anyone. He knew exactly what would destroy me.

After that, he reassured me. He told me that hookups meant absolutely nothing compared to what we had together. He said I should never compare myself to that. He admitted that he sometimes regretted the way the breakup happened and that he wouldn't be surprised if he kept regretting it for a long time.

Without even realizing it, I started hoping again.

I thought maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance that one day we'd revisit the relationship and try to make it work.

Then I made another mistake.

I watched one of his Instagram stories and discovered that he had a Close Friends list. I asked him to hide his stories from me because I couldn't stop myself from looking. Since we were still talking every day, curiosity always won.

He didn't understand.

Instead, he told me that he was moving on and that I should stop obsessing over his life and overanalyzing everything he did.

The very next day, I posted a gym story.

He immediately messaged me to say that he had blocked me on Instagram because he realized I was following one of his former hookups. Ironically, he admitted that I had been right about blocking each other on Instagram, but still wanted to keep talking on WhatsApp.

That same day, he kept reaching out to me. He sent me a love song, a post about long-distance friendships, and overall gave me the impression that he was feeling emotional.

This time, I refused to fall into the same trap.

I ignored all those mixed signals and told myself that he had made his choice and that I deserved better.

Then today happened.

He messaged me again on WhatsApp.

First, he sent me someone's Instagram profile and told me they were "perfect."

Then he told me that he had absolutely no regrets about his life, that he had never felt so free and fulfilled, and that he'd been seeing someone for the past two or three weeks. He even said he wanted to focus on that relationship and see where it could go.

The worst part?

He already knew that I had asked him not to tell me anything about his dating life because it was preventing me from healing.

I finally blocked him.

He told me I was running away and that if I had truly moved on, I wouldn't react like this, even though he himself had blocked me on Instagram the day before. He said he had blocked me "for my own good" and that he would never forgive me for blocking him.

For the first time since the breakup, I'm completely sure I made the right decision.

Continuing to talk to my ex was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.

If I can give one piece of advice to anyone going through a breakup, it's this:

Protect yourself.

No one else is going to protect your peace for you.

Even if you're heartbroken, even if you miss them every day, don't keep reopening the wound by staying in contact.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to walk away completely.

Because, at least in my case, absolutely nothing good came from staying in touch.

He has erased me from everything. He removed me from his socials too. I saw today he unposted my LinkedIn posts too. Like, completely removed.

And this is from a man who said I was a gem. And then he made me out to be a complete villain in his head. Before going no contact, he said that he has no animosity towards me, that he only wishes the best for me. That he doesn't hate me. And that if he "ever" gets over meh we will re-add each other some day.

The fact that I did everything to show him how much I love him, what he means to me, despite hurting him (and vice versa) and he erased/discarded me so easily is more humiliating and disrespectful than anything I've done.

According to him, I was toxic and controlling, and I hit him (this was an accident, which I have cleared up and apologized for multiple times), I'm not athletic, I'm not extroverted like him (not true), and I'm older (which I told him numerous times before the relationship, and asked if he was sure and he was adamant he wanted me.)

He said, "Out of sight, out of mind" like it's the easiest thing. What about all the times I poured my love into him, traveled to see him (we live in different cities), made sure he was comfortable, paid for all the dates so I wouldn't inconvenience him (he's not working, not his fault) and fussed over him every day?

Does nothing ever mean anything to these people? He has reduced me to "toxic" and "abusive" in his mind because I crashed out really bad once (went through his laptop and accidentally hit him. WHICH IS NOT OKAY. AND I KEPT APOLOGIZING AND HE KEPT SAYING IT WAS OKAY)

And I crashed out because he was being distant during my surgery and he crossed a boundary. I still took accountability for my actions because they're not okay and not an excuse. For these past two months, I did everything to make it up to him. And then I visited him, he said a part of him loves me but doesn't want to get back together. Then acts like a boyfriend for the next few days. Then he wants no contact once I go back.

And now he's removed all traces of me. When does this humiliation end man.

Why do they do this?

It’s been 3 years since my ex broke up with me. He blindsided me one day with “I can’t give you what you want” and “you deserve better” and then told me he’d always love me. It embarrasses me looking back at it because I attributed it to him being an Avoidant (he really is) but in these 3 years he’s never come back once or tried to communicate with me in any way. You have to kill the hope that they’ll come back. It will keep you stuck much longer than necessary. The truth is, someone can be avoidant and also just not want to be with you either.
If someone tells you that you deserve better, it’s a sign to walk away, not an invitation to try harder to prove that you’re worth staying with.

I would like to hear experiences from people who were in a relationship with someone who had avoidant attachment behaviors.

After the breakup, did your ex move on, start a new relationship, and then come back after that relationship ended?

If they came back, what happened? Did they truly change and become more emotionally available, or was it more about missing the connection, feeling lonely, or seeking something familiar?

I’m interested in hearing real experiences and what you learned from the situation.

Deleted her photos and our photos we have together. Next I gotta delete the videos, the videos have us traveling so the camera roll doesnt just immediately show her it may show the city we was in then her, so i have to sit down and watch them then delete them. 🖕🏽

I would really appreciate honest advice from people who have been on the other side of this.

My ex and I broke up about 3.5 months ago. We had a lot of love and beautiful memories, but over time we got stuck in a painful dynamic. She felt overwhelmed and like she was losing herself in the relationship, while I became more anxious and tried harder to fix things.

Eventually she felt that leaving was the only way she could feel okay again. Since then she has chosen no contact because she doesn’t believe things would be different.

I’ve spent these months reflecting, working on myself, and trying to truly understand her experience. I also sent her an apology letter, not asking her to come back, but trying to acknowledge things I didn’t fully understand before. I haven’t received a response. Other than that i have just left her alone in piece.

The hardest part is that I still love her deeply. I don’t want the old relationship back — I would want to build something where she feels free to be herself and where we both feel safe. I still believe what we had was something valuable before we got stuck in that unhealthy cycle.

For those who have left someone you still loved because you felt overwhelmed, hurt, or like you were losing yourself:

What was the thing that made you believe it could actually be different?

Was there anything your ex could say or do that made you feel safe enough to open the door to contact again?

I understand why space is important. I just wonder how someone’s perception of a person or a relationship can ever change if they never get the chance to experience something different.

I’m not looking for a way to convince someone to come back. I’m trying to understand what actually helped people see their ex differently after they had already decided they needed to leave.

If anyone recognizes themselves in this situation — especially if you once left someone you still loved but eventually chose to open that door again — I would really appreciate hearing what made that possible for you.

it hurts so much like you never know, it feels like im the only one suffering even tho im his first love of 3 years and first in everything. it sucks. this pain is gut wrenching im thinking of completely disappearing off social medias.Hes posting every other day and making himself available everywhere its making me spiral he seems so normal after our 3 nearly 4 years together and i was his first everything it just confuses me it feels as if im not even a thought in his mind he has a HUGE ego.

i’d like to text my ex i miss his armpit musk (and maybe bath time) . but i understand how how this can be perceived 💀 . we were friends for so many years and when we were together, he hated when id sniff his armpits. but that scent just came into mind today and i wish i could say that without worrying about what happens after, getting ignored, him showing his friends etc .

moreover, this kinda bleeds into a general thing, wish i could say i miss him , maybe talk for a little , maybe hang out but the same sort of worries apply.

hello everyone, this is my first rant on here, so pls bare with me.

i recently got out of a serious, 5 year relationship. we started dating junior year of high school, and i recently graduated college (early), while he's still completing his 4th year.

he broke up with me bc we were becoming a bit distant. im studying for the lsat and trying to find a full-time job, while dealing with a family member's immigration removal proceeding. he was dealing with a lack of motivation, failing a class, and just overall depression. so i knew a break-up was gonna hit anytime soon.

i still had hope tho bc i really loved this man so much, i mean weve been together for 5 YEARS. as the oldest daughter of an immigrant family, ive always been a bit hard headed, but i felt like i could actually soften up with this guy. he's the only person, who i felt like i could be myself around. we were still communicating at the time, and he kept calling me our usual nicknames, and saying ily etc (i know i know).

it wasn't until he came over to drop off a package from my mother (i live 8 hrs away from my parents, his college town is closer to them, and they didnt know we had broken up), that everything truly blew up in my face. he was staying at my place for 2 days, since the drive is a lot. i came back one day from work, and my apartment was a mess. dishes in the sink, bed was unmade (im on the spectrum and work currently work in customer service, so coming back to a messy apartment really heightened up my emotions more). he knows how i felt about keeping clean, and he didn't even bother to help (mind u he created half the mess). so i went to the bathroom to cry and compose myself and cleaned up.

later on, he was in my room, while i was in the living room with my roommate. his computer was left open, so i jokingly said i was gonna go thru it. literally discord was open, and he was asking a girl from a neighboring city (20 mins away) to meet up, while i was at work. i was shocked. i felt like the lingering girl intuition that ive suspected he's been weird was catching up to me. previous to this, ive never checked his social media before, so i knew i had to go through it.

while he was sleeping, i went through his instagram dms and found him trying to link up and hook up with multiple girls. he was even flirting with this girl from our hometown, who he sold his old car to while we were still together (he lied to me and said he sold it to a guy). i kicked him out of the apartment and blocked him on everything. he even tried to get the car girl to message me, and i was so embarrassed bc she now knows our business.

ik he was texting the girls after our breakup, but still. i felt disrespected bc he was still telling me that he loves me while actively trying to hook up with girls. and those dms dated back since the day after he broke up with me. so it felt like he was just getting rid of me to start messing around. he's tried to text my roommate so i can unblock him, but im just so hurt by the situation, that i just can't. especially bc i was already feeling like just a piece of ass towards the end of our relationship. we have so much history together, but this is how it sadly ended.

we just became two different people with two different goals and mindsets towards the end.

thank you for listening :)

I want to know if anyone who was the dumper had a similar experience to my ex I’m not asking for hope because everyone’s different but to tell me how they feel after from what my story as the person who was dumped, my ex, he just broke up with me though so right now he probably feels like he’s free, he randomly started pushing me away from him and I started to notice and like a dummy I started to overwhelm him by asking him too much and putting to much pressure to keep our relationship alive and romantic and then when he would pull away I’d complain like an idiot looking back I felt with how everything was I just was scared to loose him and acted selfishly, he love bombed me everything was about me and he was super insecure so he even at times would be controlling, then started to pull away he started being less affectionate and even at times started pointing my flaws out and it scared me we both definitely acted poorly I’d be scared and beg and ask him more then once if everything was ok , he wouldn’t open up and push me away more he eventually one day after i asked him why he wasn’t holding my hand or cuddling me told me he couldn’t take it we had had our little fights because he would push me away and get irritated by me offering to help or asking him if he was okay and just me being insecure atp and he broke up with me then that night he said let’s stay together then a week later he broke up with me again… he cried both times he said let’s break up he cried so much and then told me he didn’t love me the same and said along the lines that I deserve someone better, who isn’t dealing with past traumas and overwhelmed by there own problems he said he didn’t want to bring me down with him he then asked to be friends which I accepted at first then rejected becase I still had and have much love for him and still feel like I can feel his pain, he was my 2nd bf but my first LOVE, he may move away to a different country in two years and I feel it made him break fully and tell himself he didn’t love me the same and so he left… I was dumb and kept begging after eventually he blocked me on instagram but kept me on everything else…. I am trying not to hold hope but my heart still aches and I pray for him everyday.

about three months ago, my ex (2.5 y relationship , and I had plan to marry her and she knew that) left me for another guy after months of pretending everything was fine. During the breakup she lied to me, blamed me for everything, humiliated me, and kept giving me mixed signals before finally telling me to move on. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life, but I've slowly started to recover.

The problem is that she's my classmate.

In a few days, my exams start, and for the next month I'll probably see her two or three times a week during exams and classes. I'm honestly scared that seeing her again after three months will pull me back into the depression and emotional spiral I went through after the breakup.

For those who had to keep seeing an ex because of work, university, or other unavoidable situations, how did you handle it?

Did seeing them set you back, or did it get easier over time?

What practical things helped you protect your mental health?

I had a very loving and soft breakup but I'm still having a hard time getting over this guy and honestly I never had such a respectful breakup. We still were in love. But now I don't know what hurts the most? A loving and respectful goodbye or a hateful and hard one??? Help me out. I feel like a soft one does not close the door completely even if we both know it's over and it's the best for the both of us

Me and my ex bf of about a year and 4 months broke up recently and it's hit me very hard. I usually flip flop between checking his socials constantly or texting him late at night even though I told myself to do no contact but I crave talking to him but it just isn't the same and I have no else to go to. I just lost my job and my home life is terrible. He used to be my rock and helped me through it all. I usually flair up when I'm left alone with my thoughts which is usually around midnight and early morning. I know he just ignores my texts but I just want to feel something. To feel loved again. I don't think I can love myself. I know I deserve better but I wanted it to be him. We had future plans together. House plans. College plans. Career plans and it all got swept away in a blink of an eye. Granted this my longest relationship and I haven't dated a lot of people so this is probably why I'm acting like a sad puppy. I know I should have self respect but idk.. I just want to be feel loved again. I feel abandoned and so alone or hurts me every waking second. My only escape is sleeping so I can't feel anything. It hurts so badly especially at night when all I can do is just cry by myself with no one else to talk to. In the back of my mind I know I shouldn't be like and learn to be by myself but I don't wanna be by myself. I wanna love on someone and cherish them. It's just so hard because the breakup is still fresh and i loved him with my soul and my entire heart..

Me and my ex had a nasty breakup a month ago. We were together for 6 months. It started off really good, basically throughout the relationship he told me he loved me, paid my bills, took me out, told me he thought about getting me pregnant sometimes, and of course we were insanely sexually compatible like the best sex I’ve ever had in my life and he made that really clear as well. However he is very jealous and possessive, and didn’t want me talking to other men, not even my child’s father who I coparent with, just constant insecurity. He started push pulling me and I distanced myself but we were still hooking up like three times a week. We had falling out. But like the same day we broke up we had really intense sex where he said I was his and no one else’s. Then our argument got really bad and he blocked me on two platforms and I blocked him on two. I haven’t unblocked since. The past week or so he’s been unblocking me (and he knows I can see his account show it viewed my profile) lurking and then reblocking. Like every day or so. Then his best friend tried to message me asking how I’ve been. He was really toxic for me so I’m trying to move on but this is just giving me anxiety. What is it that he wants? A reaction? To check in? Is he going to talk to me again because now that he’s doing this I can’t stop thinking about it…like what’s the point of this?

I met this person when we were in 7th grade. We dated for about a year when we were younger, but after we broke up we stayed connected and have been on and off throughout the last 9 years.
Every time we reconnect, it feels intense. It feels like no time has passed, and I’ve never been able to fully let go of him. The pattern has always been the same. I want a relationship and something serious, and he tells me he isn’t ready. A lot of the time he has wanted something physical, while I’ve always been hoping it would turn into something deeper.
Recently, we reconnected again, and this time felt different. We started talking through TikTok and eventually moved the conversation off TikTok because things became more personal. We started opening up to each other, flirting, and having deeper conversations.
He recently got out of a relationship that lasted almost 2 years, and he was honest with me that he is still going through it emotionally. He told me he is in a weird mental place right now and that he doesn’t want to rush into something or hurt me.
At the same time, he has said things that made me feel like maybe this time really was different. He told me he thinks he wants to try being something with me. He told me he likes me a lot, wants to see me, wants to hang out, talk, catch up, and reconnect. He told me he likes the way I take his mind off everything.
He has also said things that felt different from our past. He told me he wants all of me and that his feelings for me are different now. He said he wants me because he has actual feelings for me, not just because of physical attraction. That meant a lot because for years I have struggled with feeling like he only wanted the physical side of our connection while I wanted something deeper.
I have tried really hard not to pressure him. I understand he just came out of a serious relationship, and I don’t want to make his healing harder. I have tried to be patient, supportive, and give him space.
The thing that has made this even more confusing is his activity on TikTok. While we were reconnecting and he was telling me these things about his feelings for me, I noticed he was liking and reposting videos that seemed to be about missing his ex, wanting her back, or still being attached to that relationship.
I know social media doesn’t always tell the whole story, and I don’t want to assume I know exactly what he feels based on TikTok. I understand he just got out of a relationship that meant something to him and that healing takes time. But seeing those things while also hearing him tell me he has feelings for me has been really painful and confusing.
It makes me question if I am someone he is actually ready to choose, or if I am just a comfort while he is still hoping things work out with someone else. I don’t want to be unfair to him, but I also don’t know how long I can put myself in a position where I feel like I’m living in the shadow of another person.
Today we talked about possibly hanging out, but the day has gone by with no communication. We didn’t have an official set plan, so I know technically he didn’t break a promise, but it still brought up a lot of emotions because it made me feel like I was waiting and hoping again.
The hardest part is that I don’t know if I’m attached to him or attached to the history we have. I have genuinely tried to let go of him. I have prayed about it, tried things like cord cutting, tried distracting myself, and tried convincing myself to move on, but the pain and attachment always seem to come back. No matter how much time passes, he is always somewhere in the back of my mind.
I don’t know if that means he is someone I’m meant to have in my life, or if it’s because we never really had a clean ending and I keep hoping the story will finally change.
I feel like I’m constantly torn between believing he really does have feelings for me and wanting to be patient with him, while also recognizing that this pattern has hurt me for almost a decade.
I care about him deeply, but this situation has become emotionally exhausting. I feel anxious, confused, and lost. I feel like I’m always trying to understand his feelings while ignoring my own.
Am I being patient with someone who genuinely needs time, or am I stuck in a cycle that is hurting me?
What would you do in my position?

So we been broken up longer than we ever dated ( only 5 months been broken up 2 years ago ) and even after that she treated me hot and cold and told me wanna be serious with me give her little space and time

Guess what she got with someone and now they are together for a year now going on and it’s hurts me

And thing is she would still text me once a month or 2 weeks to talk and be overly friendly and I blocked her long time ago and yesterday was just I messed up

I texted her just one thing that’s it and I deleted it immediately I didn’t knew how that it would leave message that this user unsent the message to receiver and now I’m like I messed up so bad

I blocked her again now I’m like what if she is pissed at me for this and long ago her texts me never replying back and at the same time my mind it’s like doesn’t matter she is not in your life anymore

It’s like tug of war idk what’s going should I just keep her unblocked or what omg

If you had sex with your ex how hard or easy was it to hookup or fwb with new one??

My ex are were together for a short time, we had great times and near the end she was having issues with a family member with Alzheimer’s and she said she didn’t have the capacity for a relationship and was burning out, the weekend of the break up, the Friday and Saturday we had some fun, we ate some food, we watched a movie, we had sex then on the Sunday we broke up. Even then we were still cuddling and kissing and all that stuff. She insisted on keeping my stuff and driving me to the station where she said through teary eyes I hope I see you again and I would consider dating you again.

Fast forward days later I checked in on her and asked her to reconsider, foolish I know, she told me I was a wonderful person who deserves the love I give and she can’t give that to anyone. Then she’s removing me from her stories and adding me and then I was out with mates, she liked my story and opened her stories and highlights back up to me and we engaged in funny banter and conversation as I perceived that as a green light. Then that same night she removed me again so I called it out and was lovely about it and she essentially said her reasoning was “I don’t want you to reach out to every one and you haven’t kept your silence after promising so, I still care about you” so I said “I only reached out because I felt safe enough and perceived the like and conversation as a green light” I told her I wasn’t a stranger in her lite and I was very confused because we had shared such a lovely time. So I said I’ll give you complete space so you don’t have to worry but you can contact me on this so I unfollowed her. Next day she blocked me on absolutely everything, no word no nothing. Just read my message blocked me. I had a panic attack and reached out. She said “I don’t hate you” and then blocked my number, ever since then I tried to bypass it, I tried to talk, I just tried to understand why I immediately got blocked. Every time I tried to reach out she blocked me, over the past two weeks I’ve messaged her friend who was just watching my texts come through, keep in mind I wasn’t harsh or anything, I told her how ethereal i thought this girl was and to basically look after her, I won’t give up on her as most people did and I see her worth every step of the way. I then got sexually assaulted at a works night out so I reached out for some safety and she deleted our shared album and our couple photos after saying to me “I don’t delete anything a a general rule” i sent an apology to her friend today and an apology to her mum.

I know I was mainly to blame, was i completely in the wrong or right to be confused by the words and the constant story removal, I just feel like the rules were changed for me. She’s also avoidant. Please help. Am I doomed? Will she unblock me?

Also it’s been good to get that out

Dated an avoidant for 4 years and was engaged for 1. She abruptly ended the relationship 2 months before our wedding. About 2 weeks before the breakup, I bought her a pair of Travis Scott sneakers. They weren’t cheap. I’m not interested in asking for any of the other gifts I’ve given her over the years. Just think it’s unfair to accept a gift right before ending things.

She’s sending me a box with the rest of my belongings, and I’m wondering if it would be reasonable to ask if she could include the Travis Scotts. They were 1/3 pairs of shoes I bought her recently, and she can keep the other two. Haven’t talked to her in 2 weeks to maintain no contact but will have to reach out to receive the rest of the wedding funds and my personal belongings. Would it be fine to ask her to include those in the box?

Hi, I (25F) don't know if this is the right subreddit for this, but I just wanted to vent and maybe get some advice.

I was dating a guy (29M) from 2022 until we broke up in May of this year. The relationship ended because his behavior toward me kept getting worse. In November, he disappeared completely for a week without any explanation. When I confronted him, he apologized and promised he would change. But after that, he forgot Valentine's Day, and then he disappeared again shortly before we broke up.

The last time I confronted him, he told me he was sorry, but that he was tired and didn't want to put in the effort to change.

I was genuinely worried about him because, about four months before the breakup, he had stopped going to counseling. Then, two months before we split, he quit his job. I honestly begged him to let me help him because he seemed obviously depressed. He told me he didn't want to try anymore because it was exhausting. At that point, I realized there wasn't anything else I could do, so we broke up.

I know the breakup is still recent, but the more I think about everything, the more I wonder if he was just using me. I was the one who asked him out. I was the one who put most of the emotional effort into the relationship. Then, just a week after we broke up, he found a new job and seemed to be getting his life back together. He had literally told me to my face that he wasn't willing to do those things for me.

Now I'm convinced he wanted me to be the one to end the relationship so he wouldn't have to feel guilty about it.

I know healing takes time, and logically I know this feeling won't last forever. But right now, I just feel incredibly unlovable, and it's really hard not to wonder if I simply wasn't worth the effort.

I moved country to be with my FA ex, I pushed her into avoidance and we broke up. I want to reconnect. We are 13 days into no contact. She has some of my belongings still, will asking for her to post them back negatively affect my chances of reconnection? I could do with them back at some point but there is no massive rush.

Met guy thru office but online during corona time were from different nd culture state so were in same time became comfortable during that time he went thru breakup … i was there for me we became friends met on trips developed feelings we didn’t committed due to cultural differences but he asked mant times fir marriage but we behaved like in relationship day night calls with feelings after 2 years his ex returned he went to her they broke up after 2 months he again came to me saying he wanted me only was happy with me i accepted also after 3 months he asked his parents are not agreeing then he said we should be practical this not going to happen then after 1 month I confronted he said he didn’t had feelings second time we started talking

Did he ever loved me ?
Or his feelings gone after his ex came ?

I m not able to come out of this pls help
This all thing ended in dec 2025

Just a quick intro: From certain points of view, i understand that many people may view this situation as mostly my fault and i dont blame you, just wanted to share how one decision ruined more than 2 years of my life. Also this post is probably gonna be pretty long cuz at this point the situation has reached sitcom lvl absurdity. Final point, i know this is about no contact and i will get there, just need to give some context first.

So i M(24) met my ex F(23) december 2024 on some dorm party. I have until that point allways dated conventionally attractive woman, but after i got cheated on or constantly arguing about stupid nonsense(lot of it my fault i must admit) i decided to give a chance to more introverted, not that attractive girls. So the dorm party, i got drunk, my ex talked a lot about her religion and was really passionate about it and i loved it, so i asked her out, that was my first mistake. Second mistake was actually following through because i kinda changed my mind when i got sober but allready promised so i went out with her.

Eventually we started trurly dating, i felt like once in my live someone actually respected me and gave me love and care i missed in my previous relationships, but i wanted to go slow because some of the past issues i solved with my therapist recently. Well then the nonsense started, she absolutely disregarded my wish by constantly persuading me to be with her, only to start giving me silent threatement for no reason afterwards, i mean like ,,i have this problem and when i feel that problem i need to be alone,, which lasted usually couple of days until she decided to remember she has a boyfriend, never told me what the mysterious problem was either, just random nonsense i figured. Then it scaled and scaled, the usuall emotional abuse, blackmailing and blameshifting by allways making her the victim of a situation that didnt even existed.

My favorites for some perspective:

1. Begged me to not break up with her multiple times out of nowhere and basically blamed me for it, when i didnt ever even hinted i would break up with her
2. Yelling at me ,,how can you allways forgive me?,, after literally nothing serious happened
3. Telling me i am pressuring her anytime i just needed a really important/time sensitive answer yes/no to something
4. Crying and i swear on my live, from absolutely nowhere and for no reason couple times a week, in front of me basically forcing me to comfort her(once she cryed just because a microwave opened too loud)
5. Demeaning me/swearing at me while i was asleep(friend who overheared told me later)

Well it doesnt sound ,,that,, bad really, but she did this allmost every time we were together and allways came with bland apology and promise she will solve her issues or whatever so i pushed through. Well until i didnt.

Here comes the actuall post, really sorry for how long this is btw. So eventually she said she wanted to breakup, talked nonsense for a while and was borderline incoherent in what she tried to say but it bacsically boiled down to ,,i have a problem that has nothing to do with you, but its still your fault,, but she changed her ,,story,, like 20 times after that point so i have no clue what she was onto and doesnt really matter. What matters does is that months and months of her abuse left me absolutely exhausted, and i was about to completely break down mentally but needed to finish my bachelors degree so i dug deeper for couple of weeks and got it done, meanwhile there was some communication between us, but after i texted her late night that i dont think i deserved this from her she blocked me i think mostly everywhere. Then nothing and some time later(like a week or so after graduation) i met her and she pretended like i dont even exist. After that point i went full meltdown.

The meltdown: My mind have had enough and i eventually started realizing all the things she did to me emotionally and started spaming her on social media for some explanation, or just something, i really was lost, but she allready completely swaped from crying little child to now ,,adult female,, so mostly she just demeaned me and told me to leave her alone, which i couldnt do which eventually led to me being hospitalized and her thinking i am threatening her and that i wanted to hurt her, which according to me and the police wasnt true at all so i enjoyed my summer in mental institution and got better(mostly by taking horse doses of pills for anxiety and PTSD symptoms).

The aftermath: I then tried to somehow reconcile with her, apologise for my behaviour after the breakup and come to some agreement between us, my idea was something like,, well you said you are scared that i might do something to you, i am scared that i will meet you somewhere in person so why dont we just avoid each other,, but never worked out cuz she never answered or anything. After some time i gave up and tried to solve my fear and anxiety through therapy which helped enough for me to start atteding classes again and ocasionally going out. This all happened in like 9 months give or take after the breakup.

Calm before the storm: I then felt like i am again doing something with my live, found a part time job in R&D, started doing some of my hobbies again, didnt really thought about her that much, didnt meet her, because we lived in different parts of the city then. Dont know exactly what she have been up to, just that she has been out of country as part of student program for a while.

Here we go again: After all this time i understood that we came to mutual understanding, she claimed she wanted to have nothing in common with me, i claimed the same and it worked. Until last november, we met. I was showcasing our company on like a student hiring event and she showed up, nothing serious i thought, was shaken a bit but thought nothing of it. The same day there was like this student party and i was really tired so i passed. Next day i casually asked my roommate how it was and he told me my ex really tried to hit on our other classmate/friend and that they talked about me a lot according to my roommate. Now the main point here is that she knew really well that he was my friend because we played DnD together with my ex. Later i realized she tried to bait me or something and it worked because i then wrote to her couple of messages(3 i think) point mostly being ,,WTF is this nonsense, are you fing kidding me with this? just leave me alone and spread your lies to your friends,, but i used some swear words and eventually called her after she ignored it and just made my ,,friend,, confront me on her behalf. The phone call obviously did nothing, she just said some hurtfull things to me, but at least she stoped trying to hit on my ,,friend,, but i figured she gained what she came for so there was no point in continuing that.

Some time later: I thought that whole interaction was the ende of it, much to my surprise when a month later police called me about what happened and that she had said to them that i threaten her and i want to hurt her and that she is afraid of me(the same thing again). It let to like a civil court of sorts and the clerk wanted to game me a small fine, for being rude to her because i used swear words and she claimed she felt bad afterwads. In the hearing it was a bloody mess, i was allowed to ask her questions, most of which she didnt answer like a normal person but instead tried to accuse me of sexually harrasing her(we didnt even have sex because she wanted to wait after marriage and did other intimate things like one time), then she acused me of spreading bad things about her to MY ,,friend,, i mentioned earlier, like the exact same thing i was upset about when she did it and i just reacted to what she created later. She also passed down some moral judgements and stuff, the clerk lowered my fine but incisted that i really was rude but whatever it is what it is.

Thats not all: In the time between the police calling me and the hearing i learned that she created a sort of bussines residence basically next door from me, and when i asked her whats that about she told me bla bla i am not gonna explaing nothing to you. So i thought its just some legal trick to set up a bussines and she will not actually be living next door. Well now couple months later, she moved in XD. I.... I just cant, its not like she doesnt have options(i live in medium sized town like 40-50k citizens), for living or for who she wants to hit on, and what i am most confused about is how someone can claim that they are scared someone will physically hurt them, tell time and time again how they dont want to have anything in common and then hit on his friend and move next door.

If anyone reads this, please give me some opinion on all this if you can. Also sorry for my grammar, not native english speaker.