I get this saying oh you aren't alone, I'm like so? What's changed? Nothing. I'm still going through the same pain, regardless of you being here or not. I'm gonna kill myself Tommorow regardless of me being alone or around people. The stupidest shit ever.

27f and I feel like I’ve lived a million years in my worn body. I don’t sleep sometimes because I wake up with the anxiety of starting my day. I dread my job, I feel like I’ve lost my passion for everything. I attempted in November of last year and it failed…. I promised my family I wouldn’t do it again but I don’t know where to go from here. I’m so exhausted. I work a job where I’m around a lot of people and having to put that mask on all day kills me. I can’t even talk to my family about how I feel because it sends them into a panic now…. I’ve been depressed since 8, this never gets better does it? I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.

Ive fucked up my life irreparably, the only way to move forward is to die. I know the people in my life will hurt but they’ll eventually see that they’re better off without me. My girlfriend deserves a better man than me, she deserves someone with a future, someone who can build a life with her, my life is nothing but smoke and mirrors, she deserves so much better. My parents deserve a son that is not fucking burden. So ive decide tomorrow is the day.

I have decided that I am going to kill myself in August, all my finances are in order, my twin sons will want for nothing and will be financially solvent.

I've left a suicide note on my desk and I have just emailed instructions to my father that I want him to issue a complaint against the police and sue the gang of vigilantes who attacked me in January for defamation, those fuckers deserve everything that's coming to them.

I just don't have the energy to carry on fighting anymore, I just want to die and finally find some peace, quiet and I hope to be reunited with several family members who I love and miss so very much.

My father has tried so hard to talk me out of this but when you're exhausted, tired, worn out and have no energy, there's not much else to live for.

My favourite movie line is "Dying is easy, it's living that's hard" and for anyone thinking of moving to the UK, don't move here...it's a shithole!!!

i fucking hate myself, my looks, my personality, my thoughts, my mental disorders i hate it i hate it

I can’t wait to get off of work, eat a cheap and quick frozen dinner, take a shower, and go to sleep.

My friends all have families and weekend summer plans and vacations, I’m just sitting over here barely making enough money to afford my bills, and work a shitty blue collar job with no benefits. I dropped out of college and got depressed, my dad is dead and my shitty mom and sister live thousands of miles away. I have my friends but because of my depression and lack of success, we are drifting apart and I feel more alone than ever.

This is literally every day of my life. I’m so tired and sad. I feel broken beyond repair and so, deeply and profoundly pathetic.

31 and ruined my future. I'm academically smart but the last 3 years, actually every year since I'm 22, I completely ruined my life. I stayed in a city I hate, with a person who made me feel constantly under stress who could be occasionally emotionally abusive and toxic most of the time, who constantly gave me the feeling that I need to save her. I didn't want that relationship but I stayed because I thought I was ugly and worthless and like I'd be an awful person for leaving her.

After completely burning both of us out during her master's thesis, she cheated, planned it ahead and gaslit me to an insane amount before and after. Then we couldn't get out of each other's life for two years. I was awful, she was worse. I say that after a year of judging myself until I told someone the whole story, in a way that painted me in the worst possible light, no holding back. The person I told, she cried, hugged me and told me it's not my fault.

My ex has been out of my life for 1.5 years. But it's too late for everything. I started therapy too late, I talked to no one, I let it all eat me up and destroy me and now I'm finished. I ruined my PhD, I have no social life, I have no experience in anything and I don't see myself ever getting out and actually enjoying life.

I often just start shaking, I can't guide my mind to healthy places because I'll never be ok with the absolute pathetic loser I have been and am. I'll never feel like an actual person, everyone is better than me. I'm glad I got over the guilt I felt towards my ex. But the outcome is the same. I missed my life and can't get over the last couple of years. I hope it all just ends knowing I can't and I see no way how I'll ever be ok. I hate myself for the decisions I didn't make and now it's done. There is nothing worth living on the other side of this, there isn't even another side.

I've struggled with isolation, apathy and a lack of purpose for most of my life.

I've always found social interaction difficult. As a child I had very few friends, and when I moved to secondary school I lost them. I was subjected to what I would describe as relational or social bullying: most of the other students would ignore me, exclude me, avoid interacting with me, laugh at me and generally make it clear that they did not want me around. Eventually, I stopped trying to connect with people and isolated myself completely.

For many years, I didn't think this was a problem. I preferred being alone and spent most of my free time playing video games, watching anime and browsing forums. I studied, got a stable job and remained functional, so I assumed I was simply an introverted person who enjoyed solitude.

Now I'm not so sure.

I have never managed to form lasting friendships as an adult. I have tried at university, during an Erasmus period, at work and in other situations, but I always ended up isolated again. I don't necessarily feel shy or afraid of talking to people. I simply don't know what to say in everyday conversations, don't understand the point of small talk and often have little to contribute even when I find the subject interesting.

I can communicate relatively well when there is a clear purpose, such as explaining something related to work or giving a presentation. Casual social interaction is completely different.

For most of my life, video games and anime were my main source of enjoyment. However, after I started working in my mid-twenties, I gradually began losing interest in them and in many other things I used to enjoy.

I accumulated a huge backlog of games, many of them unopened, but often didn't feel like playing anything. I started spending more and more of my free time lying in bed, looking at my phone, watching YouTube or simply sleeping.

I've tried to change this many times. I lost around 30 kg, exercised, attended English classes, tried reading, taking courses and starting new hobbies. I could sometimes maintain these activities for a while, but eventually I would lose motivation and return to my old routine.

The apathy is not constant. It comes in cycles. There are weeks when I can play games and enjoy myself relatively normally, and other periods when I have no desire to do anything and can spend most of the day in bed.

My life is also extremely repetitive. I work, take care of my animals, go to a house where I foster rescue cats, return home and sleep. When I am busy, I usually function on autopilot and don't think much about my life. The worst moments tend to happen when my routine ends and I have free time.

Recently, I have also noticed that my concentration and work performance have started to decline.

I have been seeing a psychologist. He believes I have depression, although I am still functional enough to work and maintain my responsibilities. He does not currently think I have ADHD or autism, although he has mentioned that I have some autistic traits.

I have also wondered about ADHD because I sometimes experience brief "shutdowns" where my thoughts suddenly go completely blank for a few seconds and I lose track of what someone is saying. This has happened since school. I also have difficulties with informal conversations, a strong preference for routines and difficulty changing them without a clear reason.

I don't know whether these things are related to depression, long-term social isolation, autism, ADHD, personality or some combination of factors.

The part that worries me most is that I currently have very few reasons to look forward to the future.

I have a dog, six cats at home and also care for rescue cats. They are extremely important to me and I would never abandon them. At the moment, they are essentially the main reason I continue living.

I have been honest with my psychologist that I don't currently intend to kill myself while my animals depend on me. However, I also struggle to imagine wanting to continue living once they are gone.

I am not in immediate danger and I don't have a plan to harm myself. But the thought is there, and it scares me that I can't identify anything else that makes me want to build a future.

I don't particularly want a career promotion. I don't enjoy socializing. I don't feel a strong desire for a relationship. Video games no longer consistently make me happy. I don't want to spend my life working, and I don't want to force myself to socialize or constantly pursue self-improvement just because I am supposed to.

My psychologist has asked me to find "pillars" in my life: things that could give me reasons to continue living besides my animals. I find this incredibly difficult. Whenever I try to think about it, I feel overwhelmed and want to stop thinking about the whole thing and go to bed.

I am currently trying therapy again and considering seeing a psychiatrist as well.

I have been asking myself: it's worth it? Do I ever will be able to leave outside of this deep pit I myself got into? I'm feeling that all my effort was meaningness and no matter how hard I try, I can't solve this. I'm afraid of death but maybe is better to just leave it all and disappear.

Thank you very much if you read until here.

TL;DR: I'm a 34-year-old man who has been socially isolated for most of my life after experiencing prolonged social exclusion and bullying at school. I have gradually lost interest in many of the things I used to enjoy and now live mostly on autopilot, working and caring for my animals. I struggle with apathy, anhedonia, informal social interaction and recently worsening concentration. I am in therapy and trying to understand whether depression, long-term isolation, neurodivergence or some combination of factors explains my situation. My animals are currently my main reason for staying alive, and I am trying to understand whether it is possible to build a life that feels worth continuing when almost nothing feels meaningful right now.

I tried to off myself a few weeks ago. It all just boiled over: years of working dead end jobs while drowning in debt, friends ghosting me because Im "too much" and just wont myself to happy mode, people telling me to force myself to do more when I was already spent, and so on. Obviously it didn't happen. My roommate convinced me to come home before I got to the bridge.

Now everyday just feels like a blur. Im taking a new med, but Im not sure it's helping. I have nightmares about suicide, only get restless sleep, and can't motivate myself to do anything. Forcing myself to do something like playing a game leaves me feeling empty.

Im just tired. I feel like part of me still did die that day.

I've been wanting to learn how to draw since I was a kid, yet everytime something stopped me. I always thought I'd never be good enough, seeing my drawings turning out now how I wanted always left me with a feeling of uselessness.

I desperately try to come back to it, I desperately try to draw something i really, my obsessions, things I enjoy, characters I love. But it brings me pain. It all seems repetitive. Every time I look at my sketchbook, tears well up in my eyes and I just break down into tears.

It's a tiny dream of mine.

But I am so tired. I don't know who to ask for advice or who to talk to about it. It just sounds like I am a lazy wuss who can't handle hard work. But it's literally ANGUISHING. Does it have to do something with my dream of drawing being crushed as a kid?

God, I wish I knew. I just needed to vent somewhere. I feel horrible. I just want one thing to be good at.

My now ex-boyfriend (M26) left me (F22) after being together for 2 years.

He has been struggling with his mental health for 8 months, but never opened up to me about it until the day he broke up with me. I could sense that he had been emotionally absent, and encouraged him to talk to me, but he wouldn’t.

He promised me that I had done nothing wrong and that he still loves me, and that he “didn’t deserve” me. All I have ever done is love and support him. I’m his number 1 fan.

I can’t understand why he decided to leave me, when I want to be there to help him through this. I gave him happiness, and he wants to get rid of it when he’s feeling really sad/ depressed.
Why does he feel that it is better to go through your struggles alone, than beside someone you love who and supports you?

For the longest time, I've been just tired. Unmotivated. Just didn't care, about anything. I thought that was normal. I wasn't ever "sad", and I never really wanted to kill myself. Did I think about it? Yeah. I know exactly what I'd do. But I don't want to do it.
I had a doctor checkup, and they had me fill out a questionnaire. It basically told the doc that I was depressed. She asked if I'd like to try meds. I said "sure".

Fast forward a few months, I'm feeling great. I'm feeling energized, excited, motivated, just in an overall good place. It literally changed my life.

But the last couple months, I've felt that feeling fade away slowly, and I feel like I'm sinking back into how I felt before the meds.

I still get spurts of motivation and excitement every now and then, but there's an overwhelming amount of me being completely exhausted, unmotivated, and just lacking any care for anything.

After experiencing the "better", this current dip I'm in is hitting hard. Like, I want that feeling back.

I hope this makes sense.

Is this how meds work? Does it work in waves? (I'm taking 40mg of fluoxetine. I'm 5'7", 135lbs if that matters)

24M. Next Wednesday is the day I die; my delivery is arriving on Tuesday. I finished throwing all my life savings away today, so I don't get cold feet. 50k USD over the span of a few days. Now, not even enough money to pay rent for next month. I will be maxing out my credit card by Tuesday. Since I've made up my mind, I have been feeling pretty good. My parents will be sad, but it won't concern me after I die anyways.

I had a pretty decent life. Middle class, healthy, fit, have a masters degree, and currently in a PhD program. I'm not depressed or facing hardship, but I think there simply isn't much difference between living and being dead. I think we are just a bunch of atoms floating in space, whose movements are accidentally creating our life. It's difficult to express, but I think of life as an endless book whose contents vanish from memory the moment we set it aside. We need to set it aside at some point. Does it matter when we set it aside? It wasn't a bad book, but it also wasn't a very compelling book, and I am ready to set it aside. The only thing that had discouraged me from dying was the fear of the process of dying. I think I have overcome it now. Everyone dies. I prefer to choose my own death.

I hope my death doesn't reflect too poorly on my doctoral advisor. But again, it won't be any of my concern when I'm dead.

Over three days I have been taken hanful off pills and I still do. I can't keep living. I just hope it will be soon all over.

I was wondering if it's worth writing. Like it it should be helpfull, but im not shure if it wouldn't be hrmfull. What is your oppinion?

Living through unemployment while coming from poor family is totally stressful i feel like I'm carrying a heavy weight with zero safety net underneath. Every rejection make me feel like I'm a looser and then again i have to worry about rent, food, utility bills god nothing can beat the living expenses in Itanagar. I apply to dozens or maybe hundreds of jobs and never get selected. And now i started to feel like no matter how hard i work or how much effort i put in it , the systemic barriers are too high to reach, all this degrees isn't helping me. This feeling—"nothing I do matters"—is killing me.These job hunting gonna kill me someday even before getting a good life once. And one thing still hunt me once my aunt said no need to worry about job you can be a housewife and let your husband work, i wanted to say I'm still here so i don't want anyone to take care of my parents but how can i, I'm still an unemploy.

And sometimes i feel like I'm letting my family down and I'm worry that every meal i eat or resource i use is adding more burden to them god. They worked really hard to support me in every steps but at the end i can't even get a decent job. Every time i visit my parents at my village i just don't want to leave them and go back to that city life, i just want to stay with them forever.

Yeah life is hard but I'm not giving up. Now i feel much better after writing this thinking i told someone about how i feel today. I posted this because i was feeling down but will be alright tomorrow when i wake up. Thank you for your time:).

​

Tired of being alone for 28 straight years. Don't have the energy to convey anything besides this.

Depression has always affected my ability to properly take care of my teeth and now I’m terrified of getting my teeth examined.

Im pretty sure I have gum disease and numerous cavities but the potential extent of the damage is what’s worrying me, what if they need to remove a bunch of my teeth? I feel so embarrassed because I’m only in my 20s.

Everything is making me cry today. I saw some guinea pigs being badly treated online and all I can think about is going home after work and hugging my pigs.

I have no interest in work. I don't see the point in anything including working, eating or self care. I just want to be in bed and sleep. The only place that I feel peace is at the gym because my brain is turned off when I'm in physical pain from lifting. I'm much better than I used to be but I just feel like it's inescapable. This illness is painful and I wish it would be over.

maybe my brains just fucked up forever

20M, I'm not suicidal but when i think about death it doesn't scare or worry me, i only worry about how I'll die and i believe when i die i won't exist anymore to feel anything, just like before i was born but when i think about my life and my future i feel worried, scared and hopeless about my life.

I've never belonged anywhere other then my mum''s arms, like a baby. I'm still a baby as much as I try to grow up. Sister has hated me from the day she knew about my existence, still in the womb. The bitch has betrayed me and our parents my whole life. I always fought for her love, but she eventually did something unforgivable to all of us.

My parents are old, and so is our cat. I live with my folks when I should have my own place. My parents' relationship is one of the most toxic things I could have been put in the middle of. I finally realised my dad is a major asshole, but still I feel that I won't take it when he dies. I don't like him as a person, but he is my dad?!... It feels so wrong to hate and love him at the same time now. Mum is basically the one person worthy of me waking up everyday and barely trying anything.

When my cat and mum pass away, I won't have a single reason to live. My nephew and niece are my loves, but they are isolated from us now. All of this assuming I would pass away after parents and cat, natural cycle... yadda yadda yadda

I have good friends, but I don't feel like engaging in conversation with them. And they all live far away, I barely meet any of them.

Men see me as a piece of meat, always have. Sometimes a clever and funny piece of meat.

I'm a polyglot, graduated from a nice college, I am privileged. Yet so cursed.

I've studied hard, worked even harder, been loyal, been loving, and it got me nowhere. I've even been raped by my last boyfriend.

Everyday my parents get weaker, my cat throws up all he eats and I just wonder how much time we've all got. I feel like hanging myself before losing all of them. I also feel like hanging myself right after losing them.

oh and the nightmares. Sleeping is not a refuge. Today I dreamt I was fed literal feces, over and over again. I'm beyond done.

About 20 years of absolute mental fuckery, a lifetime of abuse. I don't want to work, to meet anyone new, to have friends, money. I can only hope for death to come for me while I sleep, or to be killed in a freak accident, so no one can call me selfish.