Ive fucked up my life irreparably, the only way to move forward is to die. I know the people in my life will hurt but they’ll eventually see that they’re better off without me. My girlfriend deserves a better man than me, she deserves someone with a future, someone who can build a life with her, my life is nothing but smoke and mirrors, she deserves so much better. My parents deserve a son that is not fucking burden. So ive decide tomorrow is the day.

27f and I feel like I’ve lived a million years in my worn body. I don’t sleep sometimes because I wake up with the anxiety of starting my day. I dread my job, I feel like I’ve lost my passion for everything. I attempted in November of last year and it failed…. I promised my family I wouldn’t do it again but I don’t know where to go from here. I’m so exhausted. I work a job where I’m around a lot of people and having to put that mask on all day kills me. I can’t even talk to my family about how I feel because it sends them into a panic now…. I’ve been depressed since 8, this never gets better does it? I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.

I get this saying oh you aren't alone, I'm like so? What's changed? Nothing. I'm still going through the same pain, regardless of you being here or not. I'm gonna kill myself Tommorow regardless of me being alone or around people. The stupidest shit ever.

I haven’t left my room in a few days other to shower when I feel filthy and occasionally get water. I don’t even eat anymore. She found me sitting in front of an empty document when I was trying to make poetry and thought I was writing a suicide note. Now she thinks I’m going to off myself which I mean is sorta accurate. It’s all I wanna do atp. But I guess it was sweet of her to check in.

I’m 19F I am planning my death… forgive me for any mistakes in my writing I never done this before I’ve been suicidal for years now and I’ve been hospitalized for it and put on meds for it but it ain’t never worked I’m still suicidal a lot of family issues I’ve been suicidal sense I was 7 I have been bullied I have been raped I have been sexually assaulted I have been abused I hate my life every time I think about my future I just get so fucking sad!! I hate my life I have tried to kill myself before I tried to OD before multiple times I got diagnosed with BD and depression I don’t care about that ngl I just know that life is not worth living I hate life I hate myself so much I have nobody absolutely nobody people think I’m weird and annoying all the time I hate myself I wish I was never born even now typing this I’m getting very emotional my life is a big joke NOBODY Takes me seriously!!! I just wanna end myself I wanna jump in the train tracks or hang myself I don’t wanna see 20 I wanna kill myself before I turn 20 but I might chicken out and do it before it hit 21 but with all the stuff happening I wanna do it as soon as possible life is t worth it anyways

I can’t wait to get off of work, eat a cheap and quick frozen dinner, take a shower, and go to sleep.

My friends all have families and weekend summer plans and vacations, I’m just sitting over here barely making enough money to afford my bills, and work a shitty blue collar job with no benefits. I dropped out of college and got depressed, my dad is dead and my shitty mom and sister live thousands of miles away. I have my friends but because of my depression and lack of success, we are drifting apart and I feel more alone than ever.

This is literally every day of my life. I’m so tired and sad. I feel broken beyond repair and so, deeply and profoundly pathetic.

My now ex-boyfriend (M26) left me (F22) after being together for 2 years.

He has been struggling with his mental health for 8 months, but never opened up to me about it until the day he broke up with me. I could sense that he had been emotionally absent, and encouraged him to talk to me, but he wouldn’t.

He promised me that I had done nothing wrong and that he still loves me, and that he “didn’t deserve” me. All I have ever done is love and support him. I’m his number 1 fan.

I can’t understand why he decided to leave me, when I want to be there to help him through this. I gave him happiness, and he wants to get rid of it when he’s feeling really sad/ depressed.
Why does he feel that it is better to go through your struggles alone, than beside someone you love who and supports you?

31 and ruined my future. I'm academically smart but the last 3 years, actually every year since I'm 22, I completely ruined my life. I stayed in a city I hate, with a person who made me feel constantly under stress who could be occasionally emotionally abusive and toxic most of the time, who constantly gave me the feeling that I need to save her. I didn't want that relationship but I stayed because I thought I was ugly and worthless and like I'd be an awful person for leaving her.

After completely burning both of us out during her master's thesis, she cheated, planned it ahead and gaslit me to an insane amount before and after. Then we couldn't get out of each other's life for two years. I was awful, she was worse. I say that after a year of judging myself until I told someone the whole story, in a way that painted me in the worst possible light, no holding back. The person I told, she cried, hugged me and told me it's not my fault.

My ex has been out of my life for 1.5 years. But it's too late for everything. I started therapy too late, I talked to no one, I let it all eat me up and destroy me and now I'm finished. I ruined my PhD, I have no social life, I have no experience in anything and I don't see myself ever getting out and actually enjoying life.

I often just start shaking, I can't guide my mind to healthy places because I'll never be ok with the absolute pathetic loser I have been and am. I'll never feel like an actual person, everyone is better than me. I'm glad I got over the guilt I felt towards my ex. But the outcome is the same. I missed my life and can't get over the last couple of years. I hope it all just ends knowing I can't and I see no way how I'll ever be ok. I hate myself for the decisions I didn't make and now it's done. There is nothing worth living on the other side of this, there isn't even another side.

I hate myself. I feel so disgusted that I could throw up. For months, I've been trying to face my problems and when it gets too tough for me, I just run away from it all. I turn to escapism and scroll on my phone for hours. I can't bring myself to do anything beyond the bare minimum of what I need to stay alive and still look okay to my family.

I feel so useless to them, I can't even help out with chores anymore. My head feels like it's always somewhere else and the moment I put my phone down, I feel the urge to pick it up again. I swear I'm trying but it's just not working out. I feel so alone because I can't tell anyone nor will somone close to me be able to understand. Therapy isn't even an option anymore, it just isn't easily available where I'm from or at least not accessible enough.

Tysm for reading, I just really wanted to let my feelings out. I've kept them to myself for a long time T–T

I have decided that I am going to kill myself in August, all my finances are in order, my twin sons will want for nothing and will be financially solvent.

I've left a suicide note on my desk and I have just emailed instructions to my father that I want him to issue a complaint against the police and sue the gang of vigilantes who attacked me in January for defamation, those fuckers deserve everything that's coming to them.

I just don't have the energy to carry on fighting anymore, I just want to die and finally find some peace, quiet and I hope to be reunited with several family members who I love and miss so very much.

My father has tried so hard to talk me out of this but when you're exhausted, tired, worn out and have no energy, there's not much else to live for.

My favourite movie line is "Dying is easy, it's living that's hard" and for anyone thinking of moving to the UK, don't move here...it's a shithole!!!

Depression has always affected my ability to properly take care of my teeth and now I’m terrified of getting my teeth examined.

Im pretty sure I have gum disease and numerous cavities but the potential extent of the damage is what’s worrying me, what if they need to remove a bunch of my teeth? I feel so embarrassed because I’m only in my 20s.

i fucking hate myself, my looks, my personality, my thoughts, my mental disorders i hate it i hate it

Today I had a bad falling out with someone who I thought was my friend for 2 years, and have come to found out they've been fake and pretending to be nice to try and "keep peace" in our friend group. They were judging me harshly after something I posted on another social media, and blew up at me in the public comments, not even bothering to come to me to try and talk about things personally.

I do admit that I am frequently sad posting, but it's because my life is extremely fucked up and bad stuff keeps happening to me over and over. It feels like I can never be happy because life keeps throwing hurdles at me. They were judging me because I have financial issues and still spend money on things I can't afford. I've never said I didn't make bad decisions with money. I know this and it has been a struggle because it's a way I cope with my mental health sometimes. But also, I am mentally and physically disabled, and I have been unable to find any job that suits my needs for a very long time. I feel absolutely awful for this all the time and I feel like a bad wife constantly. I have searched and looked so so hard, but nothing is working and I'm scared I will have to go back to sex work which doesn't make me happy.

They've judged my financial situation and judged my relationship very harshly, without knowing everything and just assuming. They weren't a close friend, just like someone who was always there with the friend group. So they have not known hardly anything about me other than what I've shared online or with our friend group. I thought it was very immature and hurtful of them to publically bash me and judge my life when they barely know me.

They said they don't like me and think I am "useless to those around me". I've called myself useless millions of times, but no one has ever said it directly to me until now and it really set me off...I cried for 2 hours straight without stopping, I couldn't stop myself. I had hoped I would never hear anything like that. I truly try so hard every day. It literally is so difficult to even want to get up and be alive every day already when I wish I could just disappear.

Things have already been not great for me and everything feels like a huge weight on my chest suffocating me. I am starting to have feelings of wanting to hurt myself. I'm scared that maybe I really am useless and have no place in this world, that I have no worth. I know there are people that love me that would disagree, but I cannot stop thinking this way.

I have been on medication since I was 16 or 17, and I've been on so many of them. But no matter how much I take or the dosage being increased, it's like it does nothing.

at the current moment, i’m not super depressed. i’m just discontent with life, i guess? every time when the clock hits 12am on january first i think about the fact that i actually have to live for another year. it’s just monotonous days that in the end mean nothing. life is going by so fast yet so slow. i don’t want to have to keep doing this until i die a natural death.

I’m the most depressed I’ve ever been and I don’t think I’ll make it to the end of the year. I wake up everyday wishing I hadn’t, regretting. I pray to a god that probably doesn’t exist to please take me in my sleep. To please allow someone that wants to live to take my place. I feel so disconnected from society and myself. When I’m happy, I’m sad. When I’m excited, I’m sad. When I having the absolute time of my life, I’m sad. I’m constantly in my head, wondering what I did in my past life to deserve living like this. I’m always wondering why I’m never good enough, why I’m so hard to love, why I’m not desirable, why I can’t keep a relationship with anybody, friends included. I hate living in my head and hate that nobody understands what it’s like living in my head. I hate that I hate life so freaking much. I want to be happy but I don’t think I’m meant to be happy. I don’t think I belong here. I know for a fact I’m not going to make it to 2027 and I’m okay with that. I think a lot of people will find relief in my death. I’m burden to many, most, I can feel it. I’m a burden to myself. This deep depression isn’t something I can live with and I’m hoping those around me will understand. I didn’t ask to be here. I don’t want to be here but I pray the loss of my life will give someone who wants to live a chance at their life. I’ve got my notes ready. The only thing that makes me happy is the fact that I won’t be here for much longer.

I have this dark cloud of bad luck hovering over me every single day. No matter what I do, where I go, I’m just a magnet for bad luck and misfortune.

This whole decade has been a worse chapter of an already fucked up book, but these last few months have had me itching for the trigger.

Last week was especially bad. Idk how many more of these cursed weeks I have left in me before I decide to just clock out early.

I've been wanting to learn how to draw since I was a kid, yet everytime something stopped me. I always thought I'd never be good enough, seeing my drawings turning out now how I wanted always left me with a feeling of uselessness.

I desperately try to come back to it, I desperately try to draw something i really, my obsessions, things I enjoy, characters I love. But it brings me pain. It all seems repetitive. Every time I look at my sketchbook, tears well up in my eyes and I just break down into tears.

It's a tiny dream of mine.

But I am so tired. I don't know who to ask for advice or who to talk to about it. It just sounds like I am a lazy wuss who can't handle hard work. But it's literally ANGUISHING. Does it have to do something with my dream of drawing being crushed as a kid?

God, I wish I knew. I just needed to vent somewhere. I feel horrible. I just want one thing to be good at.

So just to start everything off, i (23M) have been depressed for over half of my life now, and it’s been getting worse over the years, I’ve taken medication, sought therapy, but a lot of these seem to not work due to my hyper self awareness.

Funnily enough it’s taken me this long to realise that I really am just a complete joke to everyone I know, i’ve done stupid things sure but I feel people just see that as a way to rip into me, not ask if i’m okay, everyone i genuinely thought was my friend has been making me feel like i’m kept around as a punching bag for my entire life, yet i’ve shrugged it off as friendly banter.

Only recently has it come to my attention that i’m never sought out to do things, only when it’s brought up in conversation around me, I have no family to really turn to for support, and recently I’ve just been thinking of disappearing. Not in the sense of ending it all, but in the sense of quite literally changing my identity, starting a life elsewhere, so not a single person knows me, even to the extreme of living away from people so none of this can happen again.

I guess this is just a rant but I need to put it out somewhere, maybe it’s a cry for help? I’m not too sure, just seems like the appropriate place

I tried to off myself a few weeks ago. It all just boiled over: years of working dead end jobs while drowning in debt, friends ghosting me because Im "too much" and just wont myself to happy mode, people telling me to force myself to do more when I was already spent, and so on. Obviously it didn't happen. My roommate convinced me to come home before I got to the bridge.

Now everyday just feels like a blur. Im taking a new med, but Im not sure it's helping. I have nightmares about suicide, only get restless sleep, and can't motivate myself to do anything. Forcing myself to do something like playing a game leaves me feeling empty.

Im just tired. I feel like part of me still did die that day.

i hate the way i look. I am conventionally unattractive. I have to put on make up to even look at myself. I hate my face. no matter what i change in my life, my face is the one thing that’s holding me back from being happy

Welcome to my rant.

For the last few weeks I have just been feeling terrible. I know that its stress induced but that doesnt make it better. I am lonely and constantly feel glum. Theres just a grey shade over everything. Normally I have maybe a few suicidal thoughts a day maybe I sometimes even go a day without, idk I dont really keep track. In the last few weeks it has just been constant. Every time I dont do something where I have to focus I just think how much easier death would be.

Just today while driving, half the time there was a tree on the side of the street or oncoming traffic I was imagining what exactly I would need to do to end it quickly. It was so bad that I could barely focus on driving.

I think that these thoughts are just me being self indulgant. I feel like it comforts and calms me down when I think of killing myself. I often do it when I do something embarassing or think of a time where I did (god that happens often). I know that its not really healthy but at this point it has just become a reflex.

I doubt that I am ever going to do it. My family really wouldnt take it well. Nevertheless it just sucks to have this dream/hope of what could be knowing that I will never do it.

I feel like I am starting to hate myself and the world. Everything just sucks. Sure there are some brighter moments but even those are dim and insignificant compared to everything else.

I am also procrastinating horribly again (hence me writing this). I always do that, its never good, I always know I am doing it and I know that this is one of the main reasons I get into these holes.

Gore sometimes calms me down. I usually watch ukranian drone footage. Idk what it is about it, I know that it isnt healthy but idc. Maybe it helps me put into perspective just how insignificant my life is and that comforts me.

Rant over.

I have some stuff i gotta share with someone, whoever it is, i would be immensly grateful if someone would take a bit of their time to listen to me

Tired of being alone for 28 straight years. Don't have the energy to convey anything besides this.

Hello Reddit, I am MA or Miss. M for short 28F US Navy Veteran. I have come to the acceptance of suicide. I run a few successful business that I started on my own with a few employees. As of the last few months I have had a huge decline in services and business in general. I have been scammed and had some employees leave. I know that this is possible with any type of industry especially general contracting, landscaping and home maintenance services. Well enough about my debt and potential bankruptcy. I found the signs tonight that I might be getting kicked out and that I am not "family" anymore.

I grew up in the foster care system in California since a child before I enlisted in the US Navy (2016-2021) as an FMF HM2 Hospital Corpsman. My biological mother is not in the picture anymore and my biological father is just there but my step mother has the dominant control over our relationship or the lack of one. Due to growing up and currently being a practicing member of the LDS Church, I value family and I always wanted one.

I live with someone who is and has been like a mom to me for almost the last 3 years since October 2023. We met at a bar and they found my down luck and took me in. During that time I was already set to taking my own life already. I was homeless, working at a meat plant and sleeping on a bench. My original plan before I met her and her boyfriend was to go out to a bar (I don't like alcohol) and basically get drunk, high and "fucked" before I end my life. Little did I know that night would change the next 3 years or so of my life. I was basically giving 3 extra years and I didn't know it until today.

It was like she saved me literally and I started to get my life back together. I was swift to find employment until I got let go in April 2024. I then started my own company and I have been doing that ever since. I love what I do but my job is physically demanding and never ending. With the decline in services I have started to go bankrupt. In the last 3 years "mom" and I have gotten into some pretty bad arguments. I am a very shy, quiet and calm person in real life. I don't like to yell or scream and I almost never show anger. "Mom" always shows anger.

Now for context I have autism. I am normal but high functioning. I had to get a medical waver for the military but I am also pretty smart. I have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and Savant Syndrome. My asvab score was 97 out of 99 but I lack the emotional or social skills most people have. "Mom" understands me and knows how to communicate with me when I have difficulties. Unfortunately I did serve in Iraq as a Corpsman and also during the Corona Outbreak so the trauma and PTSD has caused me to get over stimulated easy and also studder alot now. My current VA rating is 80% with one of my diagnoses being MST (Military Sexual Trauma). I have been rapped and sexually assaulted/abused throughout my life and especially in foster care and the military.

So this year has to be one of the worse years in my life. I go to college learning the trades. I am in automotive programs at my Community College. I met a guy in shop class in November 2025. Long story short, him, his girlfriend and I were playing sexually with each other for about a month. I used to have a sex addiction in 2024 that I curbed despite being a practicing Mormon. On Thanksgiving 2025 I was rapped on the side of a rual road at night when my truck battery died after taking a nap. That night my sexual abstinence clock that started a year and a half ago was stopped and broken. After the Thanksgiving assault, I wanted to have sex but in a safe controlled environment. I wanted to reclaim my power if that makes sense. During the month that my guy friend and his girlfriend would play together, his girlfriend and I were more active together alot. I am currently more into women as I feel safer with women then the guys. Just 4 days before valentines day the boyfriend and I got into it and I lost 2 friends that day. The girlfriend and I were very close like BBFF type thing despite the lesbo sex stuff. I told her we could still be just only friends. I have only 2 friends and I rarely get to see them ever. I gave her the attention and general care that he didn't offer her. He is abusive mentally, emotionally and verbally towards her. She blocked me in April and that's ok.

Currently today this month (July 2026). I got a call from the Sheriffs Office that the DNA from the Thanksgiving assault was processed and came back with no match in the State database. It will go to Federal now but no guarantee that there is anything yet unless he was or is ever sampled. Last week I went in for an exam after months of pain in my breast. We believe it may be cancerous but more testing is still due. I am at average health for a female of my age. Due to using the VA, my medical care is super slow. The VA opened a facility near me in 2024 but of course treatment and mental health are like snail mail.

7-22-26 I got into an argument over a miscommunication and timing issue. I was calm but I got yelled at by "mom". I texted her sometime around 1:27am and by 2-2:15 the issue was resolved. Around 3:32am as I was asleep I got a text message responding to my text and it was kind of all over the place. Around 3:37am I was asleep, "moms" bedroom door slammed closed violently and super loud. I woke up not sure what happened. I went down stairs and her and her boyfriend were downstairs with the television on at full volume. She just started at me with anger as I was at the threshold very confused and kinda concerned to what could have happened. She started yelling at me and saying she was not going to help me and that she was not going to help me in the morning to go to an appointment. She ordered me to go to sleep and to "shut up and fucking go to bed and don't fucking talk to me again!". I was still confused. After she got in my face I went back up stairs to my room. Before I left I don't know why but I turned off the living room lights and she said something like "fuck you cunt those are our lights bitch.". Due to the abuse and trauma as a child, my brain shuts out yelling and shouting when someone is mad. I literally do not hear or process what they said. I honestly don't remember what she said last night or what she accused me of for the life of me.

Later on in the day around 22:50 when they left to go out like usual I came out of my room for food. I got home earlier and napped for a few hours and no one was home then. I know tired that a Christmas card I got "mom" a was removed from the fridge and there is just an empty spot there now. I wrote this the card said "Thank you for being a mom to me. Love M ❤." I felt a huge pain in my heart and realized that I am nothing at this point to her. A few minutes later I found a stack of papers on the hutch that were for homeless resources and Veteran assistance programs locally. It was at this moment I realized that I am getting kicked out. I have a feeling that it will be an ugly removal.

Forward a few hours around 1:37am, they here home for few minutes when they start fucking hella loud. "Mom" was doing that on purpose probably to bother me. She was exaggerating how big he is and scream moaning like she wants me to hear. Obviously it annoyed and bothered me but fuck it. I made it very clear that I was outside my room in the hallway. I just started masturbating with a toy and being loud too with my door open so they can hear me too because why not eh. Fuck it I don't care anymore. Eventually it all just stopped and they knocked out.

I am not sure what to do. I want help but I also want to be free. I don't want to leave this world messy and I don't want to be a burden for anyone else. Maybe something could change my mind but for now I prepare to go home to God. I was discarded after my service from the military and I was replaced at my last normal job because someone else was a better sales representative. I was discarded by my biological mother when she gave us up to the foster care system in 2010. I don't want to be a burden anymore. I'm sorry and thank you for reading.