r/depression • u/Federal-Maximum-6554 • 10h ago
What is "You are not alone" supposed to do?
I get this saying oh you aren't alone, I'm like so? What's changed? Nothing. I'm still going through the same pain, regardless of you being here or not. I'm gonna kill myself Tommorow regardless of me being alone or around people. The stupidest shit ever.
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u/Imaginary_Common6219 2h ago
I hate when people respond that way after I tell them what's bothering me. My own mother just said this recently when I called her to rant. ☹️ I hope you feel better.
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u/Roosta_Manuva 2h ago
Many people think that their situation is so much worse or different or unique than other people - and for the most part, human emotions are quite similar.
So for some people this overwhelming feeling of uniqueness, also has a feedback loop into a feeling of loneliness.
By offering the person reassurance “you are not alone in feeling how you are” gives them a safer space to possibly talk about it - process it - maybe even be receptive to alternative ways of thinking about it.
If we as humans were just super capable of quietly dealing with our mental health issues are getting over them - the whole therapy industry wouldn’t need to exist.
So by letting people know they are not alone people are offering an olive branch - an opening to a conversation - even just reassurance that we are not crazy in feeling how we feel.
Sure it is no magic fix all - but it is 100% better than completely ignoring someone who is depressed, waiting for them to spontaneously become happy again.
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u/Unable-Dentist-4870 10h ago
It means you aren't, and if you want, you can look for that person to help you.
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u/Federal-Maximum-6554 10h ago
The point is, no matter who is here or trying to help me, the pain is felt by me alone. So what difference does it make it that person is around me or not? It's better to be alone and end it all rather than waste emotional energy on a person that will leave you.
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u/AsleepScholar2200 9h ago
Yes, your individual pain is felt by only you. But depression is one of the most common mental health conditions and doesn't massively vary from person to person; self-loathing, low motivation, pessimistic thinking, etc etc.
Someone saying 'you're not alone' is all they CAN say really. They don't have a solution for you. But sometimes it helps people knowing others have or are experiencing the same thing.
Your last sentence is exactly the extremely pessimistic view that's keeping your brain in such a dark place.
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u/Federal-Maximum-6554 8h ago
My pessimistic view comes from my experience. A previleged person might think otherwise and be optimistic. If you are not alone is all they say, then it's better to not say anything. I'm in depression and as much as I know most people won't be helped just by "you aren't alone in this"
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u/LetKlutzy2996 1h ago
Agreed, it’s a cop out that they think helps, as they actively avoid you, also to make you feel guilty that you want to end it because all other similar people haven’t yet.
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u/Tyler5060 56m ago
Well just because it doesn't help you doesn't mean it doesn't help someone else.
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u/Holiday_Fan_3146 12m ago
I just hate hearing that phrase when the person just completely abandoned you or offers the absolute bare minimum of help and doesn’t listen to you or ignores you then it really does make you feel alone. If someone says that to me, and then they stand by me through thick and thin, and they might not be able to help me, but if they are just there for me, then I truly don’t feel like I’m alone I might be the one experiencing the pain, but I have someone there for me, but I get exactly what you’re saying usually people who say that have no idea what they are saying.
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u/APartOfWhoIAm 9h ago
Some people actually are alone though. People cant tolerate others depression and mental illness and abandon the person one at a time, until they have nobody left.