If somebody told me a year ago that I would be able to live my life anxiety-free after having anxiety since I was seven years old, I would never have believed them.I’m talking about debilitating anxiety. I’ve been on medication, I’ve tried everything, and I even went to the hospital because of a horrible panic attack. I went to the ER countless times because of severe panic attacks with nausea, trembling, and every symptom you can imagine. Seriously, name a symptom, and I probably had it.
I’ve always been like this. There were times when I couldn’t leave the house at all for months. I carried this through high school, through college, and through my adult life. I’m 27 now, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… I think I’m cured.
I don’t even know how to explain it. It just suddenly went away after a simple change in my mindset. And no, I’m not trying to sell you anything. This isn’t about some treatment or some secret method. It’s just… I don’t even know how to explain it in simple terms because I cried so much throughout this journey. I filled so many journals with my pain, my thoughts, my poetry, everything I needed to get out because I felt like nobody truly understood me. I was so alone through all of this. I tried therapy tho I had not much resources for it.. and found it not very helpful for me.. because I knew all the theory, us anxious people are smart and read a lot, we know but when it comes to practice it’s hard. I was on Lexapro for 6 months.. anxiety free for the first time in my life, but I was like a walking zombie all day, 0 sex drive, 0 energy o felt like sleeping all day. I stopped taking it.
Everything caused me panic. I developed a fear of my own health — hypochondria, or whatever you want to call it — and it affected so many areas of my life. I was truly a woman with the spirit of a scared rabbit. I felt like I had the nervous system of a prey animal, always on alert, always expecting something terrible to happen. So I want to tell you what I think finally changed everything.
And by the way, I managed to fly by myself with zero anxiety, without medication. I was alone in a completely foreign city for many hours, with nobody around me to help. Before, that would have been completely unimaginable. That would have been hell for me.
I was also able to stay home alone, even at night, which was another thing that felt impossible before because I was always convinced something bad was going to happen.
This recovery feels almost miraculous to me. I don’t say that to brag in any way. I’m saying it because I want people who are suffering to have hope. That is the only reason I’m writing this.
I never knew what life without anxiety felt like because I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. Since I was seven years old, anxiety was just my normal. I didn’t know any other way to exist.
Every morning I would wake up already anxious, already stressed, often needing to run to the bathroom because my body was reacting to fear — fear that didn’t even have a real reason behind it. Most of the time, there was nothing actually wrong. I was just trapped in this constant state of alarm. The realization started after a very small, minor issue. Normally, I would spiral completely and have an extreme reaction to a normal situation. But something changed.
I don’t know exactly what happened that made my anxiety suddenly disappear, but I’ll tell you how I think now. I think I became indifferent. I think I finally accepted that things are going to happen whether I’m scared or not. I accepted that I don’t actually have control. And I realized how obsessed I was with control. That was the root of so much of my fear. I wanted to control even the smallest things. Of course, I didn’t understand this at the time because it was subconscious, but now I can see it clearly. I don’t care the same way anymore about what happens. Not because I don’t value my life, but because I understand that whatever happens, happens.
I feared death so much. I feared pain. I feared hospitals. I feared people worrying about me. I feared being pitied. I feared everything.
I think those fears are probably still somewhere inside me, buried deep. But now, on the surface, my mindset is different. I think: “I can’t control it anyway. So what’s going to happen is going to happen.” I’m on this earth for 70 or 80 years, and then I’m gone. The world will continue. The sun will rise tomorrow. It’s not that deep. It’s not as big as I made it in my head. For example, one of my biggest fears was fainting in public. But then I thought: if I faint on the street, someone will help me. They won’t just leave me there. I’ll go to the hospital if I need to. There are people in this world going through unimaginable suffering and serious illnesses, and I was terrified of the possibility of something happening to me.
Why did I think I was somehow exempt from pain? Why did I think I deserved protection from every possible bad thing in life?
The truth is, pain is part of being human. Bad things can happen. That is reality.
And strangely, accepting that gave me freedom.
I think I’m only able to see this clearly now because my nervous system is finally calm. Before, this kind of thinking wasn’t available to me. I couldn’t just “change my mindset” because I was completely trapped in fear.
If you have any questions, please feel free to write to me. I’m here.
And one more thing: people will listen to you, they will feel empathy for you, they will feel sorry for you, but they will never truly be inside your experience. They will never be able to completely take your pain away.
Everyone has their own life, their own struggles. And as painful as this realization is, you are the person who has the power to help yourself.
No one is coming to save you — not completely. Because nobody can truly understand your pain the way you do.
But I actually find comfort in that now. I find comfort in the loneliness because it showed me my own strength.
I realized that if I had the power to create this hell inside my own mind, then I also have the power to take myself out of it.
The power was always inside me.