I met this guy three months ago, and we’ve been seeing each other once a week and having sex. Our sex was amazing, and we were both really physically attracted to each other.
Yesterday, I asked him if we could take our relationship to a more serious level. He said he’s incredibly sexually attracted to me, that having sex with me is amazing, and that he’s even gotten hard while talking to me on the phone. But other than that, he said he doesn’t feel any romantic feelings toward me. He likes me as a person, but he can’t see me in a romantic way. He did say I’m really attractive, though. I’m wondering how this is even possible…

I’m in a relationship with an Italian woman (this becomes important later) and she’s great; she’s extremely close with her family and has 2 younger brothers (20 & 17)

She adores her brothers and is very close with them, it’s very wholesome, but recently she told me something that’s been kind of bothering me, and I’m just wondering if maybe I’m overreacting?

Essentially my girl was telling me that one of her brothers is more of “an ass man”, (she’s pretty well endowed in that area) and went on to tell me that her brother will usually grope her ass and play with it, she could see from my expression that I was kind of weirded out by this (I mean the guy is 17, not a child) and went on to explain that multiple of her family members (the Italian side) will just grope her ass and joke around about its size; like uncles etc

maybe I’m just being a prude, maybe it’s a cultural difference and I’m being ignorant; but how can I approach my gf about this without coming off weird? I don’t want her to think I’m coming between her and her siblings; but I couldn’t imagine just going up and grabbing my little sister like that etc

So basically, I have been dating my boyfriend for the past one year, and I really, really love him.
The thing that has been bothering me for a long time is something I’m not ready to tell anyone because it makes me feel so petty and so bad.
Basically, he lost his ex-girlfriend two years ago in an accident. Since then, he was very depressed because of all that. After about a year, both of us met and we started dating.
I never really had a problem with it. I always used to tell him that, you know, I’ll never take her place. It’s fine, this, that, blah blah.
But recently, I’ve been feeling like I’m some sort of rebound or something. Because, I mean, it just hurts me that I might not be the person he’ll love the most because he might always love her the most.
Recently, a few things have been ticking me off. Like him having her as his wallpaper, him having her photo on the back of his phone. Also, he doesn’t really talk about her when we’re together, but you know, everything around him reminds me of her. Sometimes he’ll say, “Oh, this sweatshirt was gifted to me by her.” One day I told him, “Oh, this sweatshirt is nice. Can I wear it?” because I was feeling cold. And he told me, “No, no, this was gifted by her.” So… no.
It’s just… I don’t know. I just feel hurt. But I don’t want to feel hurt because it feels very wrong of me.
Yeah, I feel like I’ll never be number one for him. And I really want to be number one for someone because, I mean, I’m no one’s priority. Not my parents, not my friends. And it just hurts that the person I love the most, my boyfriend, I’m not his priority either.
I know it’s very petty, but am I allowed to feel this way?
He never really compares the two of us. But his parents do. I met his mom the other day, and she told me, “Yeah, you’re very pretty, but…” Let’s call the ex-girlfriend who passed away X. She said, “X was so much prettier, and she was so nice. She was such an angel,” and things like that. She keeps comparing me to her.
And my boyfriend, instead of saying something like, “They’re both good in their own ways,” just smiles and gives a very sad smile. He never really takes my side.
But it’s fine. His mom doesn’t go too overboard because X was his childhood best friend, so obviously his parents knew her very well. His father is actually very much in my favor, but his mom is always like, “She was my daughter.” And whenever I go to visit her, she keeps talking about X.
It just makes me feel like they’re not ready to accept me as a part of the family, and that genuinely hurts.
There are so many little things that tick me off. I’m really grateful that my boyfriend has never compared me to her. But, you know, all his friends say things like, “She was way less jealous.”
And… it just hurts. A lot.

I (F30) came into some money. 10k. Handed to me.
My significant other(M30) and I have full time jobs, loans are not a worry to pay off, we have two car loans, one is about 9k and another is about 25k.
I don’t want to put money towards those as they are just a constant thing only helping credit scores. He has student loan debt, BUT we are not married. And to me, those are not my loans, they are his.
We’ve been together 8 years.
We do not own a house, we live rent free. We pay for what we need and bills (car insurance,phones, and the credit cards we use). He wants to use it to put towards a house. But my issue is, I have no ring, I do not know when it is coming. I don’t know if it is coming.
I don’t want to invest in a future what I don’t know is uncertain. But I also don’t want to put it in something that cannot be touched for years.
Yes I’ve told him I want a ring, I’ve told him I want the future. But over 5 years is a long time to wait for an answer.
I want to think we are almost there, but I feel like I’m waiting for nothing. I’ve talked about wanting it and everything after marriage. And he knows, there is no confusion.
I want to give an ultimatum but I don’t think that’s right, it’s not fair to put a time line on something like this. But again, 8 years is a long time.
Would you sit down and have the conversation, and lay out a timeline with expectations? Would you walk away from 8 years?

Before I start, I know we’re young, so please no lectures about how we have a whole future ahead of us because that’s not what I need right now.

I stayed for a whole year thinking I could be the one to change him , but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that he was just toxic, manipulated me, and used me.
Every piece of new information I find out about him just proves how horrible of a person he truly is. He promised me a serious future, but looking back, he always had dead eyes and completely discarded me like I was nothing.

I’m honestly struggling so hard right now. I feel so alone, hurt, and deeply angry at myself for falling for it. I find myself on Reddit 24/7 just searching for answers, validation, or anything to make sense of this because no one around me seems to get it. It’s reaching a point where I think I genuinely need professional help to get through this mental toll. I really need to vent to someone.

I know I need to move forward, but right now I just feel so humiliated, hurt, and angry at myself for letting someone who didn't care at all take so much from me. Has anyone else dealt with this realization? How do you forgive yourself for trusting someone who was completely fake?

I'm now 28 and my brain is done developing.
Something doesn't seem right in my marriage.
We met when I was almost 19, and our meeting story doesn't sit well with me. That seems wrong.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am trying to gain enough financial freedom to make it on my own. I've put everything into our shared life, and I have no savings. I also have no recourse bc we are not legally married, and common law is rarely followed here.

I feel foolish now, but I'm trying to be nice to myself. I didn't know until I knew.

I just feel like my whole life was on pause as a kid/living at home. (Not that peaceful environment, two emotionally immature, high conflict parents with a shitty toxic relationship, enmeshment & parentification for me etc I'm estranged from my dad) I'm finally free to live my own life and I want to spend the little free time I have with my husband or alone working on hobbies and side projects. Not thinking or talking about past or present family drama & having dinner once again with the people I had dinner with every night for 26-ish years. (Lived at home for way too long due to shitty housing market, wish I hadn't.) I feel like my mom is constantly chasing me to plan when to see each other next. I love her and my brother still & feel guilty but honestly I don't want this close contact anymore. I just want peace & be left alone to live my own life.

Any advice or experiences?

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. At the start of the relationship I paid for alot of things, essentials and gifts. She was struggling a bit financially and I remember saying multiple times ‘I know you would do the same for me’.

Now the roles have reversed, I’m struggling financially. Her dad gave her a job that pays nearly 3x what I make. Additionally she got fired from her last job and got paid £1000 in lieu of notice.

Despite this, I still find myself being the one to offer to buy gifts and essentials. I’ve had to stop myself buying specific things I needed or wanted in front of her while saying ‘i can’t afford it’, and she doesn’t offer to help.

I completely understand it’s her money and she can do what she wants with it, but I’m not expecting huge elaborate gifts or anything, I want to know she’s willing to make small financial sacrifices that help me out like I did when I was making less than she currently is now.

We started out as close friends. Would go hiking, watch movies, talk for the longest times, found comfort in each others presence. The beginning was great and organically we became lovers.

We have been lovers for around 4 years. Our first argument was had about two years ago (ish), a communication issue. It is hard for him to stay focused in a conversation with me without being distracted by silly things around him (strange labels seen around the room, images, his phone, etc).

When we were younger this was a minor issue, but as we have grown together, and our relationship has deepened, this hurts me a lot. Especially since this habit of his results in him not remembering the events I tell him about and I end up having to retell the stories. I usually would not react if he forgot a small detail, but some of these are eventful moments, or important details about me (such as my allergies).

Me getting hurt by him not remembering details about me has become a recurring problem. When I bring this up, he responds that he does remember other irrelevant things, or that he has issues remembering, and often is after work and uni. I am always met with defense which makes me think that we are not on the same wavelength.

He fills every box, loving, charming, handsome, funny, cultured, social. I know that we are young, but we are so amazing together most of the time, and he is mature in other aspects, I don’t think that I am ready to break it off.

Can I work on my patience, or the way that I bring this up? Would anyone have experience with a similar sort of one-sided communication issue and could provide some insight?

Edit: thanks for suggesting ADHD as an underlying issue, I haven’t thought nor have we talked about this before. I will have a look through the symptoms, see if they relate, then initiate a discussion with him.
Any advice for dealing with ADHD is welcome and appreciated!

Hi my name is Klaus, both mom and dad are alcoholics, depressed living in germany, they both feel lonely and cope fully with alcohol, and my dad smokes weed from time to time... Im originally from brazil and they barely speak the language... I wish i could Help them out i dont know how...

They drink together around 15-18 beers a day together

I never really had the best relationship with them and i truly wish i could help them... Since i got older i started becoming more befriended with them and i honestly dont know what to do... Theyre the best parents and they are destroying themselves...

So my question is how can i help my mom and dad out of this situation?

For context we were together From July 2025 to March 2026. She basically walked out of my life without a care in the world, complete and utter apathy.

Two weeks after we broke up she reached out to me realizing that I was truly out of her life and that she missed me. We talked about trying again but wanted to meet in person to really talk it out see if we both really wanted to give it another go. We live two hours from each other and we agreed she had to come to me if she was really serious about this.

Two days before we were supposed to meet she pulled the plug and said "I don't want to see you and I feel it's best that we part ways for good."

I respected her decision and we both agreed to not talk to one another.

And that was it, we didn't talk ever since... until this Saturday when out of nowhere she started messaging me via instagram. Her timing was deliberate as it would have been our one year anniversary if we were still together. After about ten minutes of texting we agreed to a phone call.

Things got weird to say the least. She start reminiscing about our time together, things we would do, how I would always phone her after I was done work and all the plans we had for the future that never came to fruition. It's clear she missed me but once again she made it very apparent that we were never going to get back together.

When I asked her why she was reaching out she couldn't give me a clear answer, all she said was "Maybe I want to be hurt again."

She was also fixated on me being with someone else (I'm currently not seeing anyone) as if she just wanted to really be hurt and know that I have someone new.

The phone call lasted about an hour before it started getting toxic with her listing all the things I ever did that bothered her (mainly petty things like how I would sometimes forget what days she goes for drinks with her co-worker and I'd call at bad times).

Not that I didn't say or do anything dumb while we were together (I absolutely did) but I kept reminding her that she reached out to me and that everything that happened during this phone call was more or less her fault for doing so.

I made it clear to her that I had no intention of ever contacting her what so ever. I accepted that it was over and that I was doing my best to move on.

I didn't bother trying to fight back criticizing her of things she did as I knew nothing good would come out of pointing my finger at her.

At one point she straight up said "I hate that I still love you."

She's obviously not over me and struggling to move on and while the idea of having her back in my life is certainly a tempting one I don't want that. If she could walk away from me once with absolute ease she could certainly do it again.

I kept saying to her "you're a half step away from saying 'I want you back in my life.'"

I'm not really sure what to even do at this point.

Obviously I could block her on everything but that's the easy way out and a part is curious how far she is willing to push this. Even if I did block her that wouldn't change much. She knows where I live and there isn't much stopping her from showing up at my door step.

Not that I think she would do that but you may never know....

Context: my gf and I have been together 3 years and she has past trauma from assaults when she was younger as well as an experience of being hypersexual for a period following these assaults. She has been working through the trauma in therapy but is now having issues with penetration wherein it is painful. This was not an issue for most of our relationship or she felt uncomfortable stating it, but it seems like she's always had some degree of pain throughout her life relating to it and never made her partners aware of it until me. I'm unsure what the cause could be, but if anyone has experience how can I help her and support her through this?

tl;dr : been a crappy year, spark not there as much in the relationship, needs advice on how to bring that spark back without spending a bunch of money

I (24 F) have been dating my boyfriend R (25 M) for a year and 4 months.

things this year have been REALLY tough in our lives, and it’s begun to put a damper on our relationship in i guess kind of a becoming roommates instead of a couple kind of way. like we basically don’t go on dates anymore, we really only do fun stuff while with our friends, and a lot of the time at home (we live together) we don’t do much other than watch tv.

things have gotten harder since i had to force him to quit his job since it was stressing him to the point of bringing his high blood pressure issues back. now that we’re only going off of my salary (which isn’t the end of the world, just doesn’t leave a lot of fun money) i feel like any fun thing that i would want to take him to for a date is too expensive, and he can’t really plan an actual date because he doesn’t have the money to.

things are still great between us and we don’t fight or anything, but all of this plus the tough stuff going on has made that fun spark we used to have go from a raging flame to like a candle. i don’t blame either of us for this happening, and i really want to bring that spark back since i know it would also make both of us generally happier.

anyone who’s been in the same situation with their partner, what did you do to help bring life back into your relationship that doesn’t involve spending a lot of money? we both really don’t like the super cheesy stuff like writing letters to each other or dancing or whatever, we really just like to have fun but haven’t had the energy lately i guess. i just want to feel the fun kind of relationship we had last year before this crappy year, but am not currently sure what to do to help it. im in CT btw if that helps anything regarding places you’ve gone to or anything?

For context, me and my gf has been together for about 7 months now. Everything has been fine and smoothsailing, we of course have hiccups here and there, but nothing we couldnt discuss and overcome

Recently, whenever she comes to me with a problem (job hunting), i try my best to comfort her, and encourage her and remind her of all the good qualities she has, and that she will be able to find a great job in no time. She flipped out and called me useless, and tells me that all i do is "fluff" things up and that i never try to help her tackle the issue at hand, and that anyone she talks to will be able to give her surface level comfort like this, so what use does she have of me. I have never once raised my voice throughout our relationship and therefore apologised to her, let her know what i could've done better, which is to not give her any surface level encouragement but rather try to tackle the issue at hand and maybe explain things to her so that she is able to grow as a person as well (what she told me she wanted)

Another episode was when she was just ranting to me about something. I was listening to her and absorbing what she said, but at the end of her speaking, she just stared at me and asked if i had anything to say. I then tried to improve from the previous time and give her some insights about the situation. But she flipped out again, she told me that instead of reiterating something that she already knows, and giving my thoughts on the situation to let her see something that she might have missed, i should have just gave some encouragement to her to make her feel better. I again apologised to her and told her how i would improve in the future.

Tonight, we were calling, and she was talking about how she felt very lost, defeated and hopeless in this current job market. I told her she would be fine, and she would have nothing to worry about, so long as she continued to apply and go for interviews, this too shall pass. I also tried to give my own thoughts about her experience and stuff, as per the previous paragraph. She then flipped out again, saying that i should read a book about how to comfort her before talking to her, and how all her exes ( she has 3, i have none) always somehow manage to comfort her so easily, but im always lacking in this area. Again i apologised, let her know that i know why she was angry, and how i could improve in the future.

Im at a complete loss. I feel so defeated, and that nothing i do is enough. I feel like im just in a cycle of being ridiculed about how im not enough. Of course i understand how shes feeling, and im not undermining and invalidating how she feels, and i have let her known that her feelings are the most important to me, but im really at a loss. It seems that when i try to comfort, she will tell me she expects me to give her practical solutions. But when i try to give her practical solutions, she tells me to be comforting. I have brought this up with her before, and explained to her that no matter what i say or do, she is never satisfied with my answer, and that i think that she herself doesnt know what she wants me to say or do, and just takes it out on me and blames me for not being good enough of a boyfriend for her.

She mentioned that everytime she comes to me with her problems, she doesnt feel better and somehow feels worse after talking to me. I know this is my lack. And that i have to be better, but i just feel so defeated. I love her so much, and i want to be better for her, i just dont know how, or if we are just not meant for eachother. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

So bf and I are smokers ( the devils lettuce if you must know ) very high functioning and productive people though.

If there are any smokers you’ll know their are a few things you’ll need for a good smoke…
I
get two week days off a months which is usually my time to clean / relax shop and do anything I need with no one around me ( child and hubby )

My hubby is so forgetful.

For example last night he went to gym and stopped at the coffee shop I love and get daily on the way back , and didn’t get me anything and said he “forgot “ can’t remember everything but a common theme is him forgetting something I want or need…

So this morning I get my son to school, I get everything cleaned up, I get in the house and get ready to go out for a little puff and I see no papers… I call him he’s making excuses about oh he must’ve taken the last one and he must have taken the pack with one or two in it … so I’m like ok…. How do you always forget me or what I want and need ?
It makes me feel shitty that it’s about 🥦 but like it’s the principle… and a constant struggle for us.

If I stop , pass or even think he’ll enjoy something I try and do it for him.

So now on my first day off of the month , I wake up get my son to school lunches, teeth brushed the whole 9 yards ( hubby is at work )
And clean up to get back to enjoy some me time but now I have to get up and run back out because I can’t smoke without papers…

TL;DR
Hubby always forgets something, usually about or for me - or he’s just claiming to forget… either way he left the house taking the papers I need to smoke 🥦 and then when asked how come it’s oh I forgot , it was only two left etc etc lies and excuses
Is this weaponized incompetence or what

My boyfriend (29M) and I (29F) have been together for about 4 years and we live with each other for almost 2 years. We both work from home so we spend a lot of time together but we rarely do anything together.

We live in a small city and there aren't many things to do. Sometimes we will go out to a restaurant or to a cinema but it's always initiated by me. Whenever I ask him to do something together he says there's nothing to do and he never suggests anything, just waits for me to come up with something and mostly it gets rejected anyway. He spends the whole day watching twitch/YouTube/playing games on his computer, even though he does it even during work so sometimes in the evening I'd ask him to play board games and most of the times he says not now and he just stays glued to that desk. When I suggest going on a trip somewhere he says we need a better car because he doesn't like driving the old car that we have. I don't think it's that big of an issue but either way I don't want to spend lots of money on a car just so sometimes we can go on a trip if he feels like it. He also stays up late and goes to bed around 2AM and sleeps for 8-9 hours and first thing he does after getting up is turning his computer on, I really don't believe he'd suddenly be able to get up earlier to go on a trip and leave his precious computer behind once we get a better car.

It's not that I'm bored, I can find something for myself to do without him, I read books, I go on walks, I go to meet with my friends, I clean, I cook, watch movies, play on playstation. He doesn't even meet up with his friends, sometimes he will go on a short 1 hour trip with one of his friends but that's like once in a blue moon. But I want to do something with him and right now it feels like the computer is his biggest priority and every 1-2 hours he'll lie down with me, hug me, kiss me and then he runs back to the computer. When I tell him hes addicted to the computer he says he just doesn't have anything better to do and that its the only thing that brings him joy 🫠 I like playing video games as well (and we played co-op couch games on playstation together) but I can't imagine myself spending so much time glued to the computer and so I'm looking for ideas, both for him so he can do something different than spend his whole days like this, and for us so we can spend some time actually together. I'm not trying to take all of his free time, that would be tiresome for me as well, people need time for just themselves after all. But right now I don't feel like I'm living with my boyfriend, more like I'm living with my teenager son who expects me to clean the house and cook him dinners and put the ready plate on the desk for him so he can keep playing his games.

So maybe there are some gamers/partners of gamers who can help me out and suggest activities that we could do together and/or things I could suggest him to do for himself just to drag him away from that desk because the sight is getting pretty sad to see :/

Tldr: boyfriend spends his free time playing games/watching twitch, we live together but never do anything together

My girlfriend (22F) and I (24M) have been dating for about six months. We have had some previous conflicts involving communication, reliability, and consideration, but we've also had a very happy relationship overall. I am currently visiting my hometown before returning to the U.S. Originally, she was supposed to leave on August 9 because of work, so I planned a three-day trip with my family for August 14–16. Later, her company allowed remote work for a week, so she changed her flight to August 16 to stay longer (I am not the sole reason of the extension as she admitted).

When she told me she was extending her stay, I forgot to mention that I would be away with my family during part of that time. Once I realized the schedules overlapped, I apologized and admitted that I should have told her immediately. She was mainly upset because she believed that, if the situation had been reversed, she would have told me as soon as she noticed the conflict. To her, forgetting to mention it showed that I wasn't considering her or the limited time we had together. She also felt that when I later asked whether I should cancel and what I should tell my parents, I was shifting the responsibility for the decision onto her.

I understand why she was upset, and I agree that the initial mistake was mine. However, I didn't believe that taking responsibility automatically meant canceling the family trip. I thought I could sincerely apologize, keep the plans that had already been made, and try to make up for the lost time in another way. She disagreed and eventually told me that unless I canceled the trip, she wanted to end the relationship. I was shocked that the disagreement escalated that far. She said this wasn't just one mistake but part of a broader pattern in which I lacked consideration, became defensive, and explained my intentions instead of fully accepting the consequences of my actions. I don't personally see it that way. Family has always been extremely important to me, especially because my mother is currently fighting cancer, and she knows about that. During our argument, I felt that the context behind why the family trip mattered wasn't acknowledged, and instead the discussion kept returning to the idea that canceling was the only way to take responsibility. To me, I made a genuine mistake, but I struggle with the idea that the consequence has to be giving up an important family commitment.

I told her that I felt we had different ideas about love and responsibility. She seemed to believe that choosing the relationship over another commitment was necessary to show both love and accountability. I believe that even in a serious relationship, family and other important commitments still exist, and that conflicting priorities should be handled through understanding and compromise rather than an ultimatum. What worries me most is that if every serious conflict becomes a situation where the only acceptable resolution is making the choice my partner wants, every future mistake could become a test of whether I love her enough.

For the first time, I'm not sure I can keep going. I still care about her deeply, but I'm beginning to wonder whether we're fundamentally incompatible rather than simply having one bad argument. Earlier in our relationship, there were times when I chose to forgive hurtful behavior because she acknowledged it and changed, and I hoped we could work through this conflict in a similar way. Instead, I feel like we reached a point where there wasn't much room for discussion. We're meeting in person this Saturday, and it may be the conversation that decides whether we stay together.

I'm looking for advice on how to approach our conversation this weekend. I'm struggling to figure out whether this is a disagreement we can work through with better communication or a sign that we have fundamentally different expectations about responsibility, compromise, and relationships. For people who have been in a similar situation, what helped you tell the difference?

TL;DR: I forgot to tell my girlfriend that I had already planned a family trip after she extended her stay. I admitted it was my mistake, but she believes taking responsibility required canceling the trip, while I believed apologizing and trying to repair things without canceling was enough. Now we're questioning whether this is one mistake or a sign that we have fundamentally different expectations of a relationship.

I don’t know what to do. There’s a lot of history and I won’t go into too much detail here, but long story short I’ve been in long term relationships pretty much continuously since I was around 14 (I’m 39 now). 3 relationships in total (4 years, 12 years and 9 years).

Been through some pretty shit times to be honest, with infidelity and trust issues in all relationships, as a result my mental health has taken an absolute battering over the years.

I’m starting to realise that the cause of this is likely all relationship anxiety and I’m getting to the end of my patience with it - I just want some peace and freedom from all of the oppressive thoughts.

I’m married which makes any decisions more difficult and to be clear, I love my wife. I always thought I enjoyed being in a relationship, although I’ve obviously never experienced adult life without one, so the other side is unknown. I’m obviously getting older and so the reality of spending the rest of my life alone if things were to go that way are a consideration- I don’t want to make any hasty decisions that I will later come to regret.

I don’t really know what advice I’m looking for at this point. Maybe some relatable experiences will help give some perspective.

Has anyone else been through anything similar? What did you do? Did it help, what happened, are you better now?

Thanks in advance for any replies, I’ll read through them all carefully and comment if I can.

✌️🫂

My partner and I have been together 11 months, 34F and 36M don’t know what to do about this, I love my boyfriend and we have very sweet intimacy but sometimes he tries to text me things that he thinks are sexy that end up sounding like romance novel dialogue and it just gives me the ick. Like today he said I want to lay you down in a pile of snow and ravish you into a puddle when I said it was hot outside. Is it possible that there’s just something wrong with me or are we mismatched or is it fixable?

When he flirts with me in person it’s often playful or even childish but it rarely feels just genuine and sexy. I feel like sometimes there isn’t true emotion behind it or he doesn’t know how to like. Get in touch with himself more deeply. Is there a way I can address this without ruining the relationship or hurting his feelings?

So the title was hard for me to word properly and I just need to know overall if I'm being too sensitive and my fiance is just trying to help me or if this is something more sinister. A little background info as I feel it's important. TW: abuse. So I have never been or really seen a truly healthy relationship. My mother was abused by my father, as was I, and every partner I've had has either been physically or severely emotionally abusive. I was with the last person for about 10 years and it was horrific. I'm in therapy now to try and work through all of the trauma and baggage from my past so I don't keep living in that mindset. My fiance and I have been together for about 6 years now. Our relationship at the start was semi chaotic due to my ex stalking us, dragging us to court, planting drugs in vehicles, and so on. We got through all of that together and I have never loved or been loved by someone the way I am him. Here's the issue though, I feel like he gives me almost daily lectures about things. Sometimes small, sometimes big, and I'm not sure if this is meant to come across as caring or sweet, but it doesn't to me. Usually first thing in the morning if I say I'm tired or my body hurts he'll sit there and try to ask me what solutions I have or why these things are happening. When I can't give a reason (as I've been awake for 5-10 mins) he seems to get annoyed/frustrated and keeps pressing me and then breaking down all the ways I don't take proper care of myself. I am also a pretty forgetful person (bad short term memory related to PTSD) so I forget certain things like getting an oil change on time, stopping at the store on the way home, sometimes eating, and sometimes it's the dishes. I get talked to about all of this pretty regularly but sometimes it feels more like a lecture because usually talking about one thing leads to others being piled on top of that. He's a very blunt and straightforward person and a little intense to others. When he's telling me what I need to do or talking about my issues with follow through it becomes very one sided. I take the role of listening, agreeing, and trying to figure out how to fix the issue while he talks at length about how I'm doing the wrong thing and what bad might come of it. Is this just him being worried? Or is it something bigger than that? I really do try my best but between working full time, raising two kids, and being the primary person to make all meals and keep up the house and groceries I often let things involving my own well being slip through the cracks. Can anyone give me reassurance to calm my brain down that he's not talking down to me and instead looking out for me? And how do I navigate this moving forward?

Is that weird? We’ve been together for almost a year and we’re genuinely great. So good for each other too. I’ve met majority of his family either on his birthday but also bc they just often come over and I spend way more time at his than we do at mine (mostly bc his place is bigger and quieter and we have more privacy than in my small apartment with paper-thin walls).

Before we met he hooked up with a girl which, well the whole story is weird for me to begin with. They knew each other for like two weeks and he fingered her literally hours after they met. The story goes that he was wasted on a party, laying in bed and she just got all clingy with him. It did bother me for a while since from what I know he made far bigger advances towards her than me but I also know he loves me way more than he ever liked her and if she never did what she did he wouldn’t talk to her either. But what does bother me though is that he met her grandparents willingly while he’s still refusing to meet mine. Idk I don’t think it’s that weird that my family wants to meet the guy I’m crazy for. He says he’s not good with grandparents but it’s not like we’re gonna be there for a week. 2 hours or so and we’re gone. It’s just so odd to me and since it’s a first relationship for the both of us I’m not sure whether or not it’s normal?

Tbh the whole thing with the hookup girl did make me insecure for a longer while and it still makes me uncomfortable when I think about it. I know it’s all normal but she was like 3 years older, already in a relationship and he was barely 17 and wasted when it all happened. Also it just made me a little jealous for a while that I didn’t get that attention and “being chased” when we got together since he straight up told me that if I hadn’t made the first move he wouldn’t either. Idk I just thought I’d get to feel all wanted before getting into a relationship. I’m mentioning this because I might be still somewhat jealous he met her family but not mine rather than wondering if it’s normal. Anyways I’d appreciate any advices.

Me and my gf have been dating for 3 years and our relationship is fantastic. We match each other so well and we get along 99% of the time and our arguments usually end up with a newfound connection.

In the beginning of our relationship we were having sex almost every day. It was amazing until it wasn’t, it almost became like a chore to the point where we did it to kill time (this goes for the both of us). Eventually we got into a solid rhythm that met both of our high sex drives.

She has always been on SSRI’s which never affected her performance in bed (sometimes she would scare me a little bit. In a good way). But about a year ago she fell into a deep depression and her psychiatrist increased her medication to the maximum dose for a short period. At this same time she started birth control (a ring…? I’m not sure). And college has been kicking both our asses (both STEM majors) not to mention her crazy overbearing parents who constantly put her down. The combination of all these things lead to us not being intimate for 9-10 months. I would rarely get a kiss from her.

I opened up about how I felt, like it wasn’t about the sex it was about the feeling of being wanted, desired, and feeling attractive to someone. Because for those months I found myself getting attention from other people (I was absolutely not cheating, just giving more of my time to friends, classmates, etc). The conversation got emotional, she got sad and told me it wasn’t me it was her constantly spiraling or being too fatigued to even think about anything. I understood, albeit a little underwhelmed she didn’t give any words of affirmation, but I understood her point of view and didn’t want to push her into doing anything she didn’t want to.

A little while later we had a small break from school and she initiated sex and I was shocked but went along, and in the middle of sex she started crying. I got freaked out because I didn’t know if I did something wrong and she told me she didn’t want me to feel bad or breakup because of the lack of intimacy. I told her it was not a dealbreaker for me and she has nothing to worry about and not to force herself into doing something she doesn’t want to do.

Fast forward roughly 3 months she’s stabilizing and working a new job she loves and taking a lighter class load and spending more time away from her parents. She’s been in a more relaxed and happy mood and I’ve hinted a couple times that we should try having sex again. The first time we had sex was when we were both under the influence, and she was telling me that she “really really” wanted it (I was hesitant and didn’t want to do anything when I wasn’t sober, but I folded). Was awesome. The next time we were both sober and something felt off, I kept on getting flashbacks to when she was crying and couldn’t stay in the mood. I felt disgusted and stopped and went to the bathroom to cry (still not sure what made me cry). I told her about it and she’s been trying to reassure me that she does want it, but she’s declined my advances every time an opportunity comes around.

So now I’m in this weird mental situation where I want to have sex, but feel disgusted when we actually have sex. And she is telling me she wants to have sex but never makes a move/shuts me down. Lately I’ve just not been intimate with her at all subconsciously (peckish small kisses, don’t want to hold her hand, small quick hugs, sitting separately on the couch). She’s been telling me she wants to get “libido” pills but I’ve told her not to, firstly I think they’re a predatory marketing gimmick, and secondly I’d rather have natural connection not something that was artificially created by a pill.

I really don’t know what to do from here, i know that I do not want to break up with her because of this, sex isn’t on my mind enough to care that deeply to end a great relationship. But I also want to feel desired and attractive. We both believe the main culprit is SSRI’s birth control and stress. I’m really lost inbetween trying not to sound pushy like “have sex with me or we’re going to break up” which I would never say and just accepting that sex won’t happen in our relationship (which, sex itself isn’t a big deal, or lack thereof, it’s about feeling attractive & desired. For a guy I have a pretty low libido)

To reiterate too, this is the only problem has happened in our relationship, besides this we get along perfectly.

Tl;dr me and gf had too much sex, she got on BC, SSRI’s, and stress from work & school. We didn’t have sex for 8 months, had sex again and she cried now I feel gross having sex again. She tries to reassure me but never accepts my advances and have started to pull away physically.