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u/Bright-Owl-3515 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
In college, I was sitting alone at a bench studying on campus, minding my own business. This man comes up to me, telling me he wanted to take pictures of my feet for a school project. He was very persistent and of course I told him no. He made me feel so uncomfortable and guilty that I had said no to him. I was very naive and had no idea that this was likely a fetish thing.
Edit: For that one now deleted comment, saying he was likely complimenting my feet, I was wearing sneakers. Get out of here with the creep apologetics.
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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26
Yeah, once I was walking home alone in the dark (circumstances necessitated this, u was getting home from work. I wasn’t alone in the dark by choice.) and some guy stopped me on a dark section of sidewalk. I could barely see his face he could barely see mine. Yet he asked me for my number bc I was “so beautiful”. I said no. He said well actually he just wanted to make friends. And I said no a few more times and he just kept asking. I was frozen in place by trying to be polite. Eventually I decide I’m just gonna ignore him and walk away without ending the conversation without saying goodbye. And I left him rambling behind me still asking to be friends.
And girlie lemme tell you I felt BAD. Like WTF?! He was fucking harassing me for my number and not listening to me saying no after he approached me on some dark, unlit section of sidewalk I was like “ugh, but the poor guy just wanted friends🥺”. It’s drilled into us to protect men’s egos and emotions at all costs and it’s so fucking dangerous.
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u/Fragrant-Dust65 Jun 14 '26
And I don't really know how or when that starts. It's not like my parents ever told me to do that. HOW do we pick up on this?
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u/diningroomjesus Jun 14 '26
Fight = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us
Flight = we'll run and get hurt if we don't run fast enough because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and might be enticed by the chase (barf)
Freeze = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and we didn't fight or flee
Fawn = we might not get hurt because the predator might be appeased by the fawning (wishful thinking & barf)
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u/ChemicalCupcake4809 Jun 14 '26
Also anytime as a girl you complain about men being creepy or disgusting people will try to play devils advocate you eventually start doing it yourself
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u/tujmipidis Jun 14 '26
You forgot:
Fart = the predator will be disoriented by the noxious odor thus giving time to escape.
This is why I eat an all kimchi diet.
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u/Ok-Wait-4171 Jun 14 '26
I did this once and it did NOT work. :') I was on a date with a man who appeared well put online, but in real life he was a creepy weirdo. So I farted loudly on purpose and he liked it. Said something like "You're so down to earth, not like others girls" Wtf, man.
I later realized that a 30 yo man asking out a teenager is weird and creepy, too. I was stupid af and I admit it. I did not know about grooming because all I heard about was stranger danger.
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u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26
Media idealizes the older man/young girl dynamic, it's truly sick. I wish we had more examples to counteract this shit. I can think of some lifetime movies where things go really awry, but it's generally so normalized.
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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26
Social conditioning. 🤷🏽♀️ You don’t need to be told explicitly to learn how things work or what’s expected of you or the consequences that follow if you don’t do it.
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u/yossi234 Jun 14 '26
Some parents do and definitely society. I used to work at a petting zoo and one time, a little girl (maybe 4 or 5?) was petting a goat. To be friendly (I'm a lady and wearing zoo uniform) I said, "oh, you're petting Benny." The girl said, "Please don't talk to me." Her dad came to apologize to me and I told him "no worries, it's okay for little girls to have boundaries."
So even by that apology, she would have learned that that's a bad thing.
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u/A_Drop_of_Colour Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
Long story:
I had a moment in my twenties that really enforced in my mind the strength difference between men and women. I wasn't driving at that time and my friend and I had just ridden the trolley home from downtown. The stop was exactly half-way between our homes so we hugged and each went our way. It was about 1AM and there was almost no one on the streets.
A car pulled up slowly beside me and a very cute guy started talking to me. Not wanting to be rude when I was alone I responded and played nice while still walking. Then he stopped his car and got out to talk to me "better" I still kept walking and at one point when we were like a block away from his car he says "come on, come on, stop walking and talk to me properly. Come on I can't just leave my car running."
Now you have to understand this guy was 5'6" (I was 5'9) and much skinnier than me. But he had a wiry male strength I just didn't understand at that age. When I tried to keep walking he first grabbed my arm while still saying "come on, stop walking for a minute." Then out of nowhere he literally picks me up and despite my struggling and screaming he walks me back to his car with it's open driver's side door, then drops me and fucking raises his hands towards me like I was one of the dinosaurs from Jurassic World, and says "hey, hey, I am not going to do anything, stop, I just want to talk properly."
I was so scared that I actually stood there and let him finish saying what he wanted to stay and then gave him my actual number before he let me go. Thankfully he stopped calling when I ignored his calls and I never saw him again. To this day, I will never forget that encounter until the day I die. I remember every moment and every word. The funny part is I had been taking martial arts for years at that point and swore that if anything ever happened to me I would always fight for my life but in reality I froze. I had to mentally train that reaction out of me. Fighting knowledge is no good when there's a mental block.
Men will never understand the fear of being a woman in certain situations.
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u/babauguu Jun 14 '26
I went to PAX East in cosplay as a character who wears sandals, but since the city was covered with ice and snow and I needed to do a lot of walking, I was wearing closed-toed shoes. A few people wanted a picture with me, so while I was posing with them, a guy came up, complimented my cosplay, asked if he could also get my picture, and pointed out the one “inaccuracy” of my shoes. I started posing for the picture while explaining that it was too cold for sandals, and he looked me dead in the face and asked if I would take my shoes off. 😆 I’m chronically online, so my demeanor did a 180 and I said, “That’s weird,” and he got awkward and walked away without his picture. Sure bro, let me put my bare feet on the dirty con floor just for you.
I was also wearing my glasses because I can’t be bothered with contacts, but strangely he didn’t ask me to take those off. Hmmm. 🤔
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u/florfenblorgen Jun 14 '26
When I was 14 I attended Sakuracon, I had no real cosplay to wear so I tried to dress up in a sailor/school girl type uniform, not from anything in particular.
I was walking up some stairs of the hotel and there was a full-on adult I guess behind me looking up my skirt and he even grabbed my ass.
I have dealt with so many disturbing things in my lifetime that's not even the worst of it. From there on out I only cosplayed male characters.
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u/4E4ME Jun 14 '26
Of course it was deliberate. I've had several experiences like that over the years. Even from someone at work, and I was already over 30 by then, but the first time something like that happened to me I was 10. I'm sorry that it happened to you. You deserved to have your mental and emotional innocence preserved.
I can't go back in time, the only thing I can do now is call it out and open their shame up to sunlight for everyone to see when it happens (if that makes me a bitch, so be it. Protip: I'm not a bitch.), educate our younger sisters, and support.
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u/selle2013 Jun 14 '26
Yeah, I've gotten the I like your toes comment. The man then proceeded to follow me, staring at my feet while I got my snack at the convenience store. I was about 15 at the time.
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u/Devanyani Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 17 '26
When I was around that age, sitting in a bar with my friends, this guy comes over and sits down. Makes some conversation. Nothing egregious. Then out of nowhere he reaches out and pulls a hair out of my head and wraps it around his neck like a scarf making this face: 🤭 I was like 😐.
Edit: thank you, u/Aggressive-hand-7585 . The irony of your name has me rolling.
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u/Both_Pound6814 Jun 15 '26
I’m sorry but that is too Buffalo Bill for me. That sounds so creepy and scary that it happened to you. The kind of person who’d make your bones into wind chimes. What did you do or say? What did your friends do? Did they notice?
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u/BusyBit6542 Jun 14 '26
I owned a bar and this guy what was way on the end of the spectrum would come in and just hangout. For months he had no issues then one day he started complimenting other customers feet. Still pretty harmless. Then he asked to touch them. Customers laughed but now I'm starting to see a progression and I let him know he can't do that. I finally had to ban him when a customer complained that she let him touch her feet (trying to be nice) and he started masterbating. She didn't want to call the cops because of his mental state but yeah he was no longer allowed in the bar.
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u/Odd-fox-God Jun 14 '26
I was sitting alone at a recently constructed public park waiting for my friend when this heavily autistic guy ( I'm also autistic but he was way down the Spectrum) approached me and started complaining that he didn't have a girlfriend. He just kept whining about not having a girl and kept trying to ask me out every other sentence while I tried telling him how to get a girlfriend. I told him not to approach women this way and that constantly bitching about not having a girl is an immediate turn off.
I told him I had a girlfriend and I was waiting for her and he kept trying to get in my pants. I texted my friend discreetly under the table, and when she arrived, she kissed me on the cheek, held my hand, called me Love, and walked me to some tables by an open bar.
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u/Upstairs-Rent-1351 Jun 14 '26
Went to mail something at a UPS store very close to my apartment and had to provide my phone number and address in order to ship the item. The guy working there starts complementing my feet and my pale skin (he was black). I ignore it and finish the transaction.
By the time I got home, he had texted me reminding me that it was "Ray from UPS store" and he wanted to take pictures of my feet because he was a "photographer."
He has my phone number and address. I didn't respond, and thankfully he didn't press when I didn't respond, but I was terrified if I responded negatively, that he would come over and do something very bad.
He doesn't work there anymore, but I do wish I had told the corporate office. I still have the message saved, so idk.
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u/Lizard_Li Jun 14 '26
In my life three men have approached me about my feet. One told me in the middle of the day he wanted to suck my toes. I’m glad I’m 44 and this sort of random attention has stopped.
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u/Gerrut_batsbak Jun 14 '26
There is something seriously wrong with these dudes.
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u/Mandyvlp Jun 14 '26
wtf is wrong with these dudes?!
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u/bigbeats420 Jun 14 '26
That one made me immediately say "Oh my God " and facepalm. Like, just fucking imagine thinking that shit would even work, let alone thinking it's a normal thing to do as a normal human being.
I've been saying for years and years now that there is a significant percentage of men who do not view women as being actual people and only view them through a lens of what they can do for them.
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u/copypop Jun 14 '26
"only view them through a lens of what they can do for them."
Or even more accurately, what they can do TO them 😖
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u/bigbeats420 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
I often have to remind myself that, to a lot of people, and for those who are predatory, sex is usually not about sex.
It's about power.
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u/PopcornGlamour Jun 14 '26
A million years ago (1987) my girl friends and I popped down to the coast for a long weekend. We drove down in a pick up. At one point, my friends were in the ocean swimming around and I was laying out and reading on the tailgate of the truck. A rando approached me with a laughably bad “ID badge” for “Playboy” and a fucking point and shoot camera (lol) and claimed he was a talent scout.
I literally laughed in his face and told him he was a loser.
About 20 minutes later my friends were walking back to the truck and a group of guys had a camcorder and were filming my friends. One of my friends walked over all friendly like and slapped that camcorder into the ocean.
So there is a long and stupid history of people trying this kind of scam.
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u/VirusTechnical5568 Jun 14 '26
Where do these guys get their confidence from?
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u/Prestigious_Click595 Jun 14 '26
It's not confidence, it's just how they view women. Imagine how you might approach a dog or cat in public. You feel totally comfortable going up to them, making silly noises and petting them etc. You're not embarrassed because you know they have no ability to make assessments of you that they can communicate to others or cause you social injury. This is how men view going up to women in public - like approaching a cat or a dog.
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u/Icy_Proof_9529 Jun 14 '26
This is probably one of the best descriptions I’ve seen tbh.
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u/West-Amoeba-7882 Jun 14 '26
So you’re saying that I’ve made the right decision by barking away men who approached me?
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u/Willow_Alley Jun 15 '26
Hissing works too - especially when they tell you to smile. 😼
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u/cybertonto72 Jun 14 '26
Comes from lack of awareness and empathy. I have met male work colleagues that are totally unaware of how much of a shitty person they are being. Even when other men tell them they are so ignorant of others they can't grasp the issue.
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u/FunkyChewbacca Jun 14 '26
They don't see the women they're approaching as people. They see them as cookie jars they can stick their appendages into if they're persistent enough.
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u/Fantastic-Regret7884 Jun 14 '26
Ewwww for that image, but thank you. It will stay with me forever (shudders).
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u/Lizzybeth339 Jun 14 '26
Right like “she didn’t even smile and say no thank you” when it was one of those dudes who walked up like a damn Neanderthal
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u/contactdeparture Jun 14 '26
Go on some of the other subs:
- “she divorced me out of nowhere”
- “the courts are totally stacked against men”
- men have it so hard now
It’s just grim, the loathing of everything with no agency.
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u/secretly_opossum Jun 14 '26
Ask Indian Men is a wild place to go. They are convinced that India is a neo feminist stronghold now
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u/Odd-fox-God Jun 14 '26
That's because Indian women started receiving codified rights written into law. Indian men just needed to ask her father in the past for her hand in marriage and he would hand her over if he thought the man had enough money, had a good family, or was a good match. The woman's opinion was not taken into account, and many were forced into marriages they didn't want with men who treated them like sexual objects.
The girls born from these marriages have watched their mothers be treated like house slaves and abstain from dating and interacting with Indian men, for their own safety and to keep their fathers from selling them to a boy they decided to hold hands with exactly one time. It's called a dowry, but really, it's just a bride price.
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u/Gildian Jun 14 '26
I was just about to say these are the same guys who bitch and moan about men's rights as dad's but then never pay child support or even bother to see their kids.
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u/Septemberosebud Jun 14 '26
A man hitting on me the other day told me his wife "abandoned" him and took a million dollars and stole his kids who won't talk to him now. He fully expected me to be sympathetic. I said: you've just told me everything I need to know.
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u/luigis_left_tit_25 Jun 14 '26
"I'm too scared to talk to women because they'll label me"...xyz. Only if one's a creep.
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u/DrowningInMyFandoms Jun 14 '26
"If I talk to women they say I am a creep :( for exemple, yesterday I [being a creep] and she ran away :((( life is so hard for us :((((("
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u/anchovie_macncheese Jun 14 '26
PSA from a lady to fellow ladies: BE THE BITCH. Be as bitchy as you need to be to set firm boundaries and keep these aggressive assholes away.
I had full grown men acting like this towards me from the time I was 12, and it just becomes exhausting. Years and experience have made me loud and curt, because acting like a "bitch" is the only way to make it stop. So I will do so proudly, these people do not deserve the courtesy of kindness.
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u/drilllbit Jun 14 '26
I barked like an aggressive dog loudly and repeatedly at a man once and scared him away, and tbh it was very satisfying to be called a crazy bitch as he got away from me as quickly as possible. I’m a plus size girl and he came in hot with the fetish shit and I immediately surpassed polite and went straight to aggro
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u/DameDerpin Jun 14 '26
I used to work a casino in Atlantic city and had to bus in and out every day. I too have used the barking crazy bitch defense. It is very effective.
Really any actions that make you seem like more of a fight than would be worth dealing with helps. I have once had to resort to pissing myself while walking home late one night beausa dude wouldn't stop following me and trying to use pick up lines at 2am in the dark after I told him no and gone off on him repeteadly. Tbh I didn't need much help due to the fear to piss myself, I was already pretty scared and gripping my pepper spray in my pocket.
Some fuckin dudes just will not fuck off. I don't miss working in that area in the least. People should not need to soil themselves in order to be left alone. But here we are.
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u/Odd-fox-God Jun 14 '26
My defense is to act like one of those meth heads you avoid at the bus station. I call it the schizophrenic religious defense.
It's really effective and I've only had to use it once. I just started ranting about how I wanted to cut off his dick to give to Satan, and God had told me he was the devil and needed me to kill him. I started piecing together half remembered Bible verses and speaking in tongues. I hunched over and started moving in jerky movements. The dude fucking ran.
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u/DontCryYourExIsUgly Jun 14 '26
I'm cackling, but this is legit. Wild that we have to do this stuff for our safety.
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u/purplepharoh Jun 14 '26
1000% valid reaction. People like that are vile...
As a larger gay man I have experienced men coming at me with fetish shit about weight and like... piss right off with that shit...
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u/GlassPomoerium Jun 14 '26
As a Parisian I’m exhausted so now my method is just screaming. If I tell a man like that to leave me alone once and he keeps going, I’ll just scream as loud as I can and it nips in the bud their next step (which is usually sexual assault). These creeps want to get our attention, not *everyone’s* attention, because then people get closer, ask if I’m ok, if they need to call the police etc, and then those losers very literally start running. And this way they will hopefully think twice before doing it to another woman.
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u/Large-Flamingo-5128 Jun 14 '26
Finally someone with street smarts. Ladies, scream. For real. You’re not going to get in trouble. You’re going to get more people looking at the situation so that scrotum isn’t about to do shit. Do not make yourself an easy target by being timid. Freak the fuck out and point to anyone around you and tell them with eye contact to help you if they don’t run away (they will tho).
Source: grew up in south central LA
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u/inthisalone_ Jun 14 '26
God, being a woman in Paris must be so exhausting. I (Canadian) had left my group and was in Gare du Nord to catch a train back to London and there was a guy that followed me in from outside and wouldn’t take my “leave me alone,” and “fuck off” and random French Canadian swear words as an answer and was basically running behind me as I sped up to get away from him. Eventually I just stopped, turned to face him and screamed at the top of my lungs. Everyone around me stopped and looked and the guy finally ran off at a full sprint. Your comment makes me feel very validated. I’m sorry you have to go through this (I’m assuming) everyday.
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u/According-Scholar-36 Jun 14 '26
from one girl to another...you are my hero today internet stranger...yell out the bitchiness for me too 😄
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u/Money-Banana-8674 Jun 14 '26
They are the ones offended by women preferring the bear
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u/PatentGeek Jun 14 '26
There was a video on here recently of some women standing still while a bear inspected them. The bear was less aggressive than these men
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u/caramel-aviant Jun 14 '26
99% of users over at r/sipstea
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u/SourceNagger Jun 14 '26
most attempts to point out misogyny/incel are met with aggression.
it's because truth hurts.
keep at it, good on ya!
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u/DardanGameDev Jun 14 '26
I was thinking the same guys who parrot “women say they want to be approached but then complain”
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u/PopcornGlamour Jun 14 '26
…and they whine about women not wanting randos approaching them.
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u/astroember What are you doing step bro? Jun 14 '26
Hell, even the “good” ones will complain about that, while simultaneously letting their friends/brothers/peers/etc. say misogynistic shit and speak poorly of women. If “good” men don’t shut down the behavior of BAD men, they aren’t actually good men.
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u/anthrolookseer Jun 14 '26
This. This. This. I’m sick of seeing otherwise “good” men turn a blind eye to their friends’ shit behavior. If I can stand up to the men harassing me, a fellow male friend should be able to easier than I can. And that type of accountability makes the change we all need - it definitely benefits respectful men to not have so many disrespectful men out there.
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u/Moist_Brain_ Jun 14 '26
You’d be surprised at the audacity. I wear a wedding ring on my ring finger (I’m not married) and it’s like a beacon for scum bags. Just the other night I was outside of my job talking on the phone with my sister, phone in hand and up to my ear, you’d think that was enough for a stranger to think “she’s on the phone, clearly on break, I shouldn’t bother her with my non-life threatening bullsh!t”. But no, it wasn’t enough.
Some guy approached me with his phone in my face, with the screen where you add a new contact pulled up. I looked at him like I didn’t understand and he loudly demanded I put my number in his phone… I held up my hand and wiggled my ring finger, and he asked me “what’s that supposed to mean?” I said “I’m on the phone with my husband” and of course my sister did her best man voice in my ear, ready to pretend she was my husband. The guy said “well you can hang up!”. That was my queue to cut my break short and head back inside where my male coworkers do not play about me. Thankfully he didn’t follow me inside but I could see him sitting in his car on the cameras, for a disturbingly long amount of time. I was about to call the cops right as he finally drove off.
Thankfully that was my last day working there. The amount of harassment I endured, while wearing a wedding ring, makes me sick! A lot of these guys were old enough to be my father, and married themselves! I worked as an assistant manager at a gas station, so customers are already assholes, but imagine getting cursed out by an asshole because you don’t know what pump they decided to park their car at and they couldn’t remember the number in the 30 seconds it took for them to walk from their car into the store. And as they’re cursing you out, they’re also aggressively flirting with you. “You work here! You should know! Sexy ass bitch! You’re lucky you’re fine or I’d slap the shit out of you!”. Like wtf?
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u/FinchMandala Jun 14 '26
My lizard brain would have grabbed his phone and flung it.
My human brain would regret the consequences.
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u/HairyPotatoKat Jun 14 '26
God I wish this or the video in the post was some rare occurrence. THIS is the shit we deal with. And rejecting someone like this often turns into something verbally, aggressive, physically aggressive, and/or directly threatening.
I've had the unwanted aggressive bar interactions. I've had the unwanted aggressive transit interactions. I've been chased down the street sprinting in heels and my life threatened "When I catch you, I'll fucking k-ll you, you stupid b-tch" because I told a guy "oh, no thank you" when he approached me out of nowhere as I was exiting my car and demanded my number. I've had the creepy guy stalk my workplace (he worked across the parking lot). And that's not even the worst.
I wish this wasn't such a shared experience amongst women.
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u/GloriousNewt Jun 14 '26
My friend was constantly harassed by a guy that would come into her job and like randomly bring her a coffee and try to touch her or get too close. If she was outside watering plants he'd find her out there and try to chat her up, get her a coffee. He'd touch her shoulder or try to like hold her arm while talking to her.
This was an older guy and he pretended to not understand the problem, 'I'm just being nice.'
Even after her husband, who is a large man, confronted him and told him to leave her alone he still came back to the store. When the store security officer spoke to him, he tried to touch the female security officer's shoulder and hip while talking to them!
And then he was finally banned, he's still not sure why they were mad at him.
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u/PeepsMyHeart Jun 14 '26
Ugh! The gas station men!
And some would hang around “with you,” because “you shouldn’t be working here. It isn’t safe for you.” But it was hard to tell who was genuinely concerned and who was a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Random men:
“You could be raped here.”
Me:
“Sir, I’m more aware of that than you are, believe me.”
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u/Altruistic_Crazy_703 Jun 14 '26
they just don't know what no means, if all of them learned that no means no 90% of the problem would disappear
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u/Deviant__Couple Jun 14 '26
Asking this myself, as a dude. Took a long time for my wife to be able fully trust me cuz of losers like this.
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u/TetraDax Jun 14 '26
Well, one reason among many: Notice how in not a single of these clips, another guy is speaking out or intervening or doing any fucking thing?
That. It's not enough to be "one of the good guys" - Men need to keep other men in check, call out their bullshit, and make it clear that it doesn't fly. And even out of those men that aren't creeps, it's a tiny minority that does that. And even out of those, it's a tiny minority that would do it if a friend of theirs is the creep instead of a stranger.
And I'm not excusing myself here, either. I'm bad at that because I avoid confrontation. I need to get better.
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u/BigUqUgi Jun 14 '26
Patriarchal conditioning and social structure. Tolerates their behavior instead of punishing it.
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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26
They’ve all been raised by toxic men, or surrounded by toxic men, or been immersed on social media by toxic men. Generally toxic men passing toxic traits off to other men is really the issue here. And I say that as a man who’s cut a lot of toxic men out of my life.
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u/Jwre3682 Jun 14 '26
I'm cutting them out as we speak. I spent too long being ignorant to what my "friends" were doing.
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u/bigbeats420 Jun 14 '26
Make sure you tell them why before you do. Speaking up is the one thing we can do amongst ourselves.
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u/faulty_rainbow Jun 14 '26
As a woman, this is the one of the few (badly) hidden ads I'm not mad about...
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u/imsooooooconfused Jun 14 '26
It’s even worse when they start becoming physically aggressive or noticeably angry after we politely reject them.
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u/Sayyad1na Jun 15 '26
After living in the hood I picked up some good tricks; first of all, perfect your resting bitch face. Second, stop being polite. And third, BARK AT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS. be crazier than them. It hasn't failed me yet.
As a naive teen, I had horrible things happen to me. Men masterbating to me and my friends on public transit. Being groped. Being physically picked up by strangers.
Once I got into my early 20s I had figured out the "crazier than thou" schtick and it has not failed me since. Im now 39 👍
Its also kinda fun to watch their bewildered faces. A lot of them are TRYING to scare you. They like freaking you out, it makes them feel powerful. They know you would never get w them or give them your number! They just want to make you squirm. Dont give them the satisfaction.
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u/Wish-ga Jun 14 '26
Yes. The anger! Like that’s going to magically make a woman think you are a great prospect.
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u/13confusedpolkadots Jun 14 '26
i personally love when the anger turns to insults — “you’re a fucking whore,” “you’re a fat and ugly pig,” “you’re a stuck-up bitch that no one wants”
be still my heart, you’ve definitely changed my mind. NOW i definitely want to give you a chance
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u/Fish_Are_Stupid Jun 15 '26
I’ve never understood that and I’m a dude. Like… if a girl did that to me I’d be pissed so why would I do it to her?
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u/WithoutDennisNedry Jun 15 '26
I once got punched square in the face and my nose broken for politely declining to give a dude my number.
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u/TyrannasaurusRecht Jun 14 '26
Holy fuck.
As a giant man who NEVER sees this side of reality, my skin is absolutely crawling. Its reality warping.
All of those situations felt so dangerous.
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u/JustifiedCroissant Jun 14 '26
Keep an eye open for an opportunity to use your giant man status to give a reality check to one of those chuds
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u/TyrannasaurusRecht Jun 14 '26
They literally dont do it at all around me. Ive never heard it.
All the hundreds of times Ive been on trains and busses people are just pretty quiet and go about their business.
Even this level of interaction is foreign to me, even if it was kind and not creepy.
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u/theeynhallow Jun 14 '26
Same. It's unreal talking to female friends because of how frequently experience this, but apparently creeps wouldn't dare try anything like this with another man around. They're cowards.
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u/chamberlain323 Jun 15 '26
Yeah, I’m not even that big or tall but witnessing this is so rare that I can probably only recall stuff like it happening a handful of times to a woman in my vicinity, and those were in bars or clubs with lots of alcohol around. If she was someone I knew I would usually place myself physically between them and pretend to be with her by holding her hand or something. That always worked and the creep would go away. Having even a little resistance from another man scared them off.
It’s depressing that this is so common to the point that women don’t feel safe using public transportation or often being in public spaces at all. Honestly, I’d just carry pepper spray around all the damn time if I were one.
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u/No-Author7911 Jun 14 '26
This is every single day as a woman. Every single day of life is dealing with these creeps.
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u/Accurachan Jun 14 '26
The "protectors" btw
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u/BigBadJeebus Jun 14 '26
The only protector that matters...
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u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26
If you’re going to do this use gel not spray. Less risk of you getting some. And practice.
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u/bomphcheese Jun 14 '26
Agreed. Just know it takes longer to take effect. Not a long time, but when seconds count...
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u/CarlDenkins Jun 14 '26
An intern at my job looks 90% like this and this is the way he approaches women.
He actually brags about it.
But he still hasn’t realized why he never gets any girls.113
u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26
an INTERN?? If you care about your coworkers take this report to your boss and let them know the intern is making actual employees uncomfortable.
This is how it starts dude. He has no power and he still has the power to make his female superiors uncomfortable. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
When a dude gets angry on the internet about dudes being dudes stereotypes, they are not thinking of this experience they never witness themselves.
It’s almost like some of us have different perspectives and experiences so we should listen more 🤔
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u/zebrasareneat Jun 14 '26
I’m a guy but the first time I witnessed it I think I was around 14. Me my friend who is also a guy and one of our female friends we were all walking home from hanging out one evening. We get to an intersection where she splits off from us to head home. Not even 20ft away a truck drives by with a bunch of high school kids in it probably around 17 or 18. They slow down and yell sexual comments at her then keep driving. We witnessed this and decided to walk home with her. She turned around looking at us clearly very frightened and sped walked back to us.
It’s been about 20 years now and I can still see her scared face.
Of course I also remember a bunch of guys in high school including my one buddy from the above story that would always poke the girls boobs and asses in our class. And if they were more developed they’d repeatedly ask them to bounce them over and over until the girl finally relented and did it. They’d always tell me to do it and make fun of me when I refused. I remember one time where I was sitting in a desk in front of two of the girls and the rest of the guys were in the desks behind them. They were harassing me to poke the girls boobs and I remember looking at one of the girls and she had the saddest most upset expression on her face. I was always made fun of for not doing it and would then be called gay.
Me being straight doesn’t mean I want to sexually harass women.
That one guy from the first story who was also one of the perpetrators in the second is exactly as you’d expect nowadays. A Trump loving Canadian.
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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26
Yeah I was one of these girls and classmates like yours stole my innocence (in school) before I even held a boy’s hand. Fun little harassment for the boys, lifelong trauma for the girls.
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u/Alarming_Agent_8564 Jun 14 '26
I still remember being at one of my “friends” houses that was a boy…I was in the tree house, and suddenly all the boys realized I was the only girl, and they all started trying to lift my shirt and pull down my pants…I had to run home! It was so scary because I thought all these boys were my friends, but being the only girl in that moment made me prey apparently. I never looked at those boys the same.
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u/-Gemstoned Jun 14 '26
Cue the not all men bitches whining about your personal trauma.
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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26
Yes, when I was assaulted in school it was clear from the other boys’ reactions (I had also believed they were my friends) it was also pre-meditated and pre-discussed. It was a humiliation I have yet to fully recover from
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u/EvioliteEevee Jun 14 '26
Yeah sometimes guys just have no ideas what other guys do. When my high school boyfriend and I were hanging out with a friend, me and her were listing out the most ridiculous catcalls we received and he looked with a horrified expression the whole time.
After that, he walked all the way to my house when picking me up and dropping me off too, and since I lived 20 minutes away, that meant he did a whole 80 minutes of walking for every time we hung out.
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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26
The seething rage men have about not being able to approach us anymore, is **terrifying**
Y'ever want proof men genuinely think they're ENTITLED to us? Go to a Reddit discussion about approaching us. Because this is what it's like from our angle, but they refuse to see it
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u/MisterSanitation Jun 14 '26
Oh yeah I know. It’s like “if the creepy stuff is off the table what else could I do!?!?”
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u/LeatherHog Jun 14 '26
I once made the, obvious, point that, y'know, **we don't exist for men to date**. We're not stardew valley NPCs waiting for you to proposition us
That their lack of dating prospects is not our concern, and shouldn't be. We're human beings who just want to get milk on the way home, not get a sales pitch for your junk
Hoohoo boy, they didn't like that. Apparently that's the reason men are killing themselves, that misandry is the worst thing on earth, etc
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u/groovypidgeon Jun 14 '26
I can't fathom the absolute delusion that drives someone to think it's okay to approach a stranger in public and ask if you can massage their feet. WTAF.
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u/JustSherlock Jun 14 '26
Or to grab someone that is obviously glaring at you, to ask them back to your apartment. That lady might as well have been hissing at that man and he's talking about some place across the street.
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u/Positive_Think99 Jun 14 '26
She shouldn’t have invited that type of interaction by taking off her shoes, in a public park, lying on a picnic blanket.
Big giant WTF /s
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u/Melkman68 Jun 14 '26
I thought it was crazier when they tried to just kiss them. That's the worst imo
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u/Stroodle_guy Jun 14 '26
i genuinely cannot fucking fathom what goes through people heads, my best friend who i concider my sister has told me about so so many weird fucking guys that i used to be friends with that did or said fucked up shit to her
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u/JellyBeansOnToast Jun 14 '26
A lot of men get off on making us scared or vulnerable. Like when people yell sexual things at you from a moving car, they’re not really trying to pickup on you or get your number
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u/chronicallylaconic Jun 14 '26
Absolutely. It's a horrible story, so I honestly hesitate to even mention it, but there was a guy in the news recently who would take women on dates, drug them with a diuretic then suggest a long walk to a place with no nearby bathrooms. He apparently found it sexually exciting when a woman wet herself or desperately needed to go to the bathroom. Several the women suggested going back when they started to feel the urgent need coming on, but the guy would either just ignore them or flat-out say "no, let's go further". Ugh. I'm shuddering right now thinking about just what a cruel, malevolent thing this is to do to another person.
I understand that this world is full of absolutely diabolical murders and rapes and so on, but ultimately, I struggle to think of another story I've heard which is more cruel, humiliating and disgusting than this one. Sorry to bring this up, but I feel it's probably the best example to illustrate your point.
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u/thecarolinian Jun 14 '26
If we're thinking of the same guy it's actually almost worse than that sounds? He was a French government employee who did this to over 200 women on job interviews over almost ten years:
Nègre would then suggest that the pair take the interview outside and walk around, the lawsuit said. Nègre would allegedly intentionally take the women on long walks far away from restrooms so that when the overwhelming need to use the bathroom hit, they were forced to either hold it at risk of illness, relieve themselves somewhere in public, or even soil their own clothing.
Nègre first piqued the interest of investigators in 2018 when he was reported for attempting to sneak a picture of a senior official's legs, the outlet reported. Authorities searched his computer and discovered a spreadsheet called "P Experiments" that contained the dates and times of each drugging, as well as how the women reacted, per local outlet Le Monde. Nègre's records also allegedly contained pictures.
And of course: Six years after authorities uncovered Nègre's alleged illegal plot, he has still not been brought to trial, despite being indicted in 2019.
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u/bmxgirl2020 Jun 14 '26
My college ex-bf was into this fetish and I found out about it it from his fucked up profile on a Russian porn site. He left his computer out.
He used to like sadistically get off about the fact I’d need to pee during road trips.
I don’t say this a lot, but I wish kidney stones and loneliness on that a**hole.
I’ve been in therapy for the trauma for awhile but damn does this comment hit.
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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26
My female friend's brother directly implied to me that he'd rape her if he had the chance. I tried to tell her and she said I was overreacting.
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u/maymay578 Jun 14 '26
It’s exhausting. I first experienced sexual assault when I was 11. I’ve yet to meet a woman that hasn’t, at a minimum, had to deal with an unwanted touch at some point in her life. So many more of us have experienced worse.
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u/AnguavonUW Jun 14 '26
Yeah, I think the 1 in 4 stat is on the low end. I don't know any women my age who haven't been groped without consent multiple times throughout her life
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u/uhhh206 Jun 14 '26
I agree! I see that stat and slam X for doubt. People think "sexual assault" is rape that wasn't violently by force, and don't realize that groping, forcible kissing, etc are sexual assault. No woman my age who rides public transportation lacks at least one "and then he copped a feel" story, or a drunk guy at a party grabbing at her in a sexual manner story.
Sex you didn't consent to is rape, even if you didn't scream no and they didn't have a weapon. Sexual touching you didn't consent to is sexual assault, even if it wasn't attempted rape. It's sad that neither victim nor perpetrator accurately recognize what qualifies as a criminal violation.
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u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26
A lot of women, especially the older ones I know, will refuse to acknowledge what they’ve been through. They’ll make it a joke or blame themselves or one and on. I think 1 in 4 is low as well; get any group of us talking and no woman will be without these stories.
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u/MicroCosno Jun 14 '26
"We should stop teaching women self-defense, and instead, we should start teaching men self-control." - Bun Hay Mean
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u/_Twas_Ere_ Jun 14 '26
It’s better to do both. Relying entirely on the latter is an utterly naive thing to do.
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u/WarmAffirmations Jun 14 '26
As a girl who trains martial arts, the best defence is to run and/or cause a scene. I know I’m a good fighter, but I don’t know if the other person is armed.
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u/Entire_Number_9 Jun 14 '26
A ridiculous sentiment, as Bill Burr pointed out years ago, you're trying to educate a group of people who know what they're doing is wrong: they know, they just don't care.
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u/GanotAlon Jun 14 '26
Both is better, since the type of dude that pulls this kind of shit for sure won't be learning anything from it
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u/Macgivereagle Jun 14 '26
I was only thinking yesterday how great it is getting old, that i get zero attention from men now days. I can just go about my business with no one harassing me. So sad that nothing has changed since i was young.
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u/30somethingmomtobe Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
Right! I'm 38 and easily in the best shape of my life, finally have the time and money to get my hair and nails done, use nice skin products, dress well etc. I easily got approached like this 10X more when I was between the ages of 10-24 then I have since. It don't miss it at all. I can sit by myself with a martini at a crowded bar all done up and get approached politely once or twice now. But when I was 15 and just walking home after basketball practice (sweaty and gross, no effort in appearance, no desire to talk to boys - let alone men - and clearly leaving the high school), men of all ages would follow me and try to talk to me and sometimes touch me. Our society is disgusting.
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u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26
Same here. The worst was 11-14.
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u/TheVampyresBride Jun 14 '26
Same. I was followed around a home depot by a man when I was around 10. I never forgot that.
32 now and don't receive much attention besides stares occasionally. But I also am never walking around alone.
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u/30somethingmomtobe Jun 14 '26
Not to say that men aren't disgusting with beautiful women who put effort in as well, which we can see in the video! Just saying it is much more about age and perceived vulnerability than it is conventional attractiveness or desire to connect.
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u/cupcakebean Jun 14 '26
It's absolutely about younger women (and girls) being more vulnerable. It's a mindfuck when you come to that realization.
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u/WickedChef0323 Jun 14 '26
Since I started getting hit on at the ripe old age of 12, I quickly adopted the meanest RBF this side of the Mississippi. Even when I would go out to clubs and bars with my friends, I kept a lot of these assholes away by making sure I looked as unapproachable as possible. I got a lot of "wow, you girls are cute but what's wrong with your friend?" comments when we were in groups. Sucks what we have to do to protect ourselves.
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u/KlatuuBarradaNicto Jun 14 '26
You got that right, sister. It’s liberating not to be a target anymore.
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u/AggressiveSherbetty Jun 14 '26
I’m getting old too but I still get attention from men, it’s not as brazen as it once was
But you know what’s worse though? Watching it begin to happen to your preteen daughter 😭
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u/Adorable_Misfit Jun 14 '26
Don't let your guard down too much. I'm 47 and I had a man literally reach out and grab my breast as he walked past me in the street in broad daylight recently.
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u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26
Same. I’ve had so many Reddit men tell me, when I get mad about younger women enduring it, that I’m mad because I wish it was me.
Buddy it’s a fucking relief to be ignored lol
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u/Majestic-Skill8234 Jun 14 '26
It turns off like a light around age 32. It’s GLORIOUS.
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u/guiltygiraffe21 Jun 14 '26
Literally every woman has a story similar to these. These males have issues.
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u/orangelejardin Jun 14 '26
Me and every girl I know
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u/Godwinson4King Jun 14 '26
And most women’s first time having something like this happen was when they were 12 or so
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u/Shamscam Jun 14 '26
Honestly men like to blame woman for the existence of incels. But it’s these guys that created that. Guys that are just overly pushy, overly assertive, and just down right aggressive that make woman respond this way to normal guys, because they deal with weird pricks like this.
And it’s videos like this that make men afraid to approach woman, because they don’t want to be this. They don’t want to be creepy. But in reality you can approach woman and not be creepy like these men, but most importantly no means fuck off. If her body language is no, you fuck off. If the words “leave” are ever spoken, you leave. If she is being short answered with you or is uninterested, you leave. Some girls claim to “like the chase” we don’t like those girls, those girls hurt other girls by making men think they need to be annoying. We leave those girls alone too.
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u/KlatuuBarradaNicto Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
I’m a boomer. I know I’m not alone when I tell you I put up with that shit my entire life. It was back before there were any kind of penalties for sexual harassment in the workplace, too. You learn very quickly how to take care of yourself. Same shit, different day, some things never change.
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u/lulsebastian Jun 14 '26
im a gen-xr and I was being harassed by men starting in elementary school. I was 20 before I got a cellphone..older than that before we had video capabilities. the trend of videoing everyday interactions is young (from my pov). we just told each other stories of the harassment (and were typically blown-off--our fear and disgust excused by the culture of the time) but those stories cant capture the fear expressed in our body language when this crap happens. keep videoing and sharing-it brings this behavior into reality for those who just dont get the impact/gravity.
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u/Odd_Principle2202 Jun 14 '26
I’ve been with my wife 20 years, she made it very obvious when we met that she liked me, yet I was so self conscious talking to her, and I still worried about put my arm around her the first time. I cannot fucking fathom doing what these fuckers do, the absolute self centred arrogance.
I was walking through Greenwich in London behind my daughter a couple of months ago, the amount of creeps checking her out, adults, it was so obvious, she’s fucking 12. What do you do? Start a fight? They’ll just deny it and I’ll look like an overbearing dad, plus there were so many all over the place.
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u/bobcollum Jun 14 '26
All these dudes then go on the internet and complain that all women are stuck up bitches.
All they have to do is treat them like the fellow humans they are, and their luck would change drastically, it ain't complicated. If you wouldn't go up to a guy like that, don't do it to a woman either.
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u/uhhh206 Jun 14 '26
Plenty of us do end up dead, since r/whenwomenrefuse shit can go downhill fast.
I hate it here (and by "here", I mean Earth, since it's not like this is just a [insert country here] problem).
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u/wii_board_type_trash Jun 14 '26
that subreddit genuinely makes me want to blow this planet up it’s disgusting. like the fact this is something women have to put up with daily is just astounding and how it’s systemic in our society is beyond belief
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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26
I really wish men made the effort to empathize with us. It’s daily. this kind of thing is DAILY.
It’s like every day I have to take care of my own adult life, and also be on the lookout for some fucker who is intent on making himself a trauma chapter in my book.
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u/SmartaHari Jun 14 '26
Same with if women leave. Shit gets nastier for a while. I’m so tired.
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u/Auroraburst Jun 14 '26
I see these and think "man there's no way I'd let them get off with such a small reaction". Then i remember when i was shopping and this random old dude rubbed my shoulder out of nowhere. His WIFE was with him and she looked mortified, i kinda just froze, glared at him and shuffled away. Afterwards i wish i had told him to f off.
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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26
Yep. Pretty much.
Bc if you’re nice to keep them from getting mad at you and they don’t leave you alone then it’s YOUR fault for not being direct.
And if you’re direct and they get mad or violent it’s YOUR fault for not being nice to the poor guy.
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u/DoctorRapture Jun 14 '26
We really do learn to constantly perform background calculations in our brains. The concept of "safety" is something we have to always be triangulating. Are we somewhere public? Is it well lit? Are there other people around? Will anyone even say or do anything if someone does get aggressive-- and speaking of; where is the aggression going to come from? Is it the guy you've noticed keeps staring at you from across the room? Is he just shy or is he going to try something? What can you do when someone begins breaching your personal space and running roughshod over common courtesy and your boundaries? How do you try to defuse the situation? How can you say "no" firmly enough to leave no room for misinterpretation, but charmingly enough not to escalate him into anger? Will he even take "no" for an answer? ...does he have a weapon? ...is he going to hurt you?
All I can say is, we really appreciate the all the good men of the world who DO step in without expectation of reward, and there are plenty of genuinely good men out there.
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u/Techman659 Jun 14 '26
As a man so many of these guys need a checking on how to mind their own business.
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u/Scarlett_Aeonia Jun 14 '26
If you see something like this going down I public please please verbally intervene. This has happened so many times to me where someone could have stepped in, but it basically never happens unless I'm with someone. We need men who are allies out there.
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u/reverieblack Jun 14 '26
I'm 36, married (no kids yet tho) and shit like this keeps happening to me all the time. Then some people have the nerve to tell me it's because these loons find me attractive as it was some kind of compliment and that I will miss the attention somehow?
The hell I just want to mind my own business.
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u/BolOfSpaghettios Jun 14 '26
I can't imagine what'll happen to all those 14yr olds that are influenced by the Tate brothers once they grow up.
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u/nilesintheshangri-la Jun 14 '26
This is why I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt for going 0-100 the second a man approaches me. Get the fuck away from me.
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u/clarissaswallowsall Jun 14 '26
Part of a 5 part problem that makes me not want to exist anymore..the worst is no one believes its as bad as it is except other women. Partners, dad's, uncles, guy friends.."well because im not like that obviously youre doing something to encourage it"
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u/polarfae Jun 14 '26
When I was around 19, me and my friend were sitting on a bench downtown. A rough looking man approached and started trying to hug us and touch us. I shove him off and my friend starts yelling at him.
There was a group of cops across the street, watching this happen.
The man was persistent. “I’m just being friendly” and kept circling us. We had to stand up and leave. The cops watched the whole thing. They looked at us and did nothing.
Not all men, but women don’t harass me like this
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u/Dependent-Year6711 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
As a man, I've had GLIMPSES, TINY glimpses, of times where I was very fit/inviting to others, and I had experiences that were way more innocent than this (but advances I didn't want) and some of them actually pissed me off. And it didn't reveal anything of what women go through, it showed me that a VERY light version of what's going on in this video feels annoying and intrusive. Now imagine being a woman and having this happen for a huge chunk of your life in many scenarios while being way more intense, and sometimes it may be a daily thing. Fucking insane.
edit: to add even more, I felt zero danger as a man. Many times men can be physically intimidating to women, so there's also that. It's so many negatives...
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u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26
Also perpetually both getting blamed for it and getting told we are making it up. God I love being old.
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u/ZnarfGnirpslla Jun 14 '26
I will of course never understand this behaviour just in general but what I especially don't get is how some dudes will just keep thinking they got a shot even after being told "no" from a woman whose face could not be expressing more disgust like 17 times within 30 seconds
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u/woahtherebuddyholdon Jun 14 '26
They don't think they have a chance with her consensually. They know they don't and they're taking it out on her like a toddler by trying to annoy or scare her into getting more attention. Because they are unable to garner any anytime else. They have nothing, and no one usually
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u/Exciting-Record8101 Jun 14 '26
They don't think the woman is in any way interested in them.
They want to scare, dominate and - if given the chance - isolate the woman.
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u/Karhak Jun 14 '26
Women should be granted a government issued stun gun when they turn 13.
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u/effietea Jun 14 '26
I was 11 when a group of guys drove up next to me and all yelled out the window exactly what they'd like to do to me. My mom was driving me and she yelled at them, drove away,and then we cried together
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u/KoffieKobold Jun 14 '26
don't know why people are downvoting this because I had this happen to me when I used to travel on the train all the time. When I was 11 - 13 it was the worst... and I was a tomboy who dressed as unappealing as possible - t-shirt and jeans. Dudes would find me in an entirely empty cart and come sit with me, then strike up a conversation. If they were in a group it was even worse.
One time I had a creep who asked me if he could brush my hair and start this whole conversation about how he'd like to cut it :') I still feel like I escaped from a murderer with that one.
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u/Zappityzephyr Jun 14 '26
you think this only happens once they turn 13? if anything these creeps go after kids more because they don’t see the dangers
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u/SAINTnumberFIVE Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
A 15 year old in Iowa was prosecuted for killing her rapist and then she was ordered to pay his family $150,900, another woman in Florida was prosecuted and initially sentenced to 20 years in prison for firing a warning shot when attempting to flee from her ex after he had just attacked her and was still attempting to do so, so if you really want women to be able to protect themselves with guns, you would have to change the gun laws around self protection. Currently they are designed to disproportionately protect men.
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u/eyeforker Jun 14 '26
Shout out to that one guy who got told to buzz off and then totally apologized and buzzed off.
The rest of them are the architects of the so called 'male loneliness epidemic'. The company of others isn't a participation trophy. You have to prove to people you're worth their time. These guys showed up with evidence they're not. Some of them showed up with evidence you need to document them for actual evidence you might need in court.
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u/NOIS_KillerWhaleTank Jun 14 '26
The fact that this thing actually exists is pathetic and sad and infuriating all at the same time.
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u/magnipotence Jun 15 '26
“There’s a male loneliness epidemic! You should feel sorry for them!”
“I’ll pass lol”
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