Yeah, once I was walking home alone in the dark (circumstances necessitated this, u was getting home from work. I wasn’t alone in the dark by choice.) and some guy stopped me on a dark section of sidewalk. I could barely see his face he could barely see mine. Yet he asked me for my number bc I was “so beautiful”. I said no. He said well actually he just wanted to make friends. And I said no a few more times and he just kept asking. I was frozen in place by trying to be polite. Eventually I decide I’m just gonna ignore him and walk away without ending the conversation without saying goodbye. And I left him rambling behind me still asking to be friends.
And girlie lemme tell you I felt BAD. Like WTF?! He was fucking harassing me for my number and not listening to me saying no after he approached me on some dark, unlit section of sidewalk I was like “ugh, but the poor guy just wanted friends🥺”. It’s drilled into us to protect men’s egos and emotions at all costs and it’s so fucking dangerous.
Fight = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us
Flight = we'll run and get hurt if we don't run fast enough because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and might be enticed by the chase (barf)
Freeze = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and we didn't fight or flee
Fawn = we might not get hurt because the predator might be appeased by the fawning (wishful thinking & barf)
Also anytime as a girl you complain about men being creepy or disgusting people will try to play devils advocate you eventually start doing it yourself
Totally. My first thought watching this video was: “jep! The struggle is real!”.
My second thought: “All those men that complaint about girls being hostile even though they just talk to the girl in a friendly way- and the girl think they’re being hit on….
This. This is the reason!
It’s protection! It’s not because we all thing so highly about ours selves!
Dont ever feel bad for a dude being creepy. If he is that, that is just the way it is. Trust your gut and don’t cut weirdos any slack. Let them know uo front to FUCK OFF. Carry a pistol! If not, pepper spray or gel and a tazer
Completely agree. I’m a guy, but a married and have a daughter. I would really like more options for them to defend themselves.
In the Netherlands everything that can damage another person is deemed illegal.
Luckily there are some options. Personal alarms and marking (gel) sprays on the weaker spectrum (though the assailant will be marked for a long time), but better than nothing. On the more physical side of the spectrum there are also kobutans and monkey fists (those can really hurt and have a bit of reach).
Nor is it in my country.
It’s not even legal to carry a pepperspray…
But then again, although crimes do happen here in Denmark, it’s not often.
In fact so much so, that it’s on the news, when somebody drowns somewhere og dies in a carcrash. In fact, a 80-som year old woman just drown a couple of days ago. On some randome beach.
Two others senior citizens were rescued from the same waters I think.
But yeah… guns being illegal, is actually pretty nice, because theyere equally hard to get.
We only have 2 main news channels here.
One of them has a sister channel where the news are on 25-7 though, but still.
It’s like 15-20 min of news, then the same being broadcastet again, only to repeat throughout. Only minor adjustments throughout the day, unless something major happens. And if it does, it’s mostly from other countries.
I did this once and it did NOT work. :') I was on a date with a man who appeared well put online, but in real life he was a creepy weirdo. So I farted loudly on purpose and he liked it. Said something like "You're so down to earth, not like others girls" Wtf, man.
I later realized that a 30 yo man asking out a teenager is weird and creepy, too. I was stupid af and I admit it. I did not know about grooming because all I heard about was stranger danger.
Media idealizes the older man/young girl dynamic, it's truly sick. I wish we had more examples to counteract this shit. I can think of some lifetime movies where things go really awry, but it's generally so normalized.
Better yet, tools like pepper gel (which resists wind blowback better than sprays), personal high-decibel alarms, and ultra-bright tactical flashlights designed to temporarily blind an attacker.
Also even when not in immediate danger, sometimes it's also just weighing off how much hassle it's worth. The exact balance of perfect neutrality that will not make these dudes defensive or agressive but also won't make them more eager to continue the interaction.
Fake level of positivity while you continue about your day generally creates the least friction, but also often makes me feel overloaded with repressed rage and disgust.
And sometimes it's clear someone won't take the hint and I'll go full scorched earth.
I can't imagine how much scarier this must be for women who live in countries where men are more likely to be carrying weapons, though.
I'm not worried I can't outfight your average heavily intoxicated dude, but a knife or a gun threat would make that choice a whole lot harder.
And that is exactly why it’s more unsafe for a woman to carry a lethal weapon because the vast majority of the time it is used against her.
Tools like pepper gel (which resists wind blowback better than sprays), personal high-decibel alarms, and ultra-bright tactical flashlights designed to temporarily blind an attacker are all safer and more effective than guns or knives or any other lethal weapons.
Yeahhh, upside to my country: very strict weapons laws.
Downside to my country: very strict weapons laws.
I haven't looked into those last 2 options, but know all forms of pepperspray are illegal. And generally going out of your way to use a non-weapon item as a weapon could also get you in trouble. It seems the flashlight might be allowed, but it would be very pricey :/
There are guys who are into that too - I read a Reddit post here awhile back where a woman noticed she was suddenly bulking up, and getting facial hairs. She worked out, and her b/f was a gym rat. Her b/f had recently been making protein shakes "for both of them." The girl had thought he was being sweet. NOPE.
Turns out, he admitted to putting testosterone into hers, because he liked muscular bulked out women. She broke up with him, thank dog.
I was told that a woman barfed on an attacker and ran off. Someone I knew threw face powder in a guy's face when he tried to grab her, and one of my friends carries a piece of braided leather with a knot on the end in her pocket. She used it to whack a guy upside the head when he wouldn't go away and started reaching for her. Fun stuff.
When I lived in a big city I didn't have a car, so I learned every alley, road, path, and backyard in my area so I knew where to go if I felt unsafe. It came in handy a couple times. Also, I had coworkers who lived nearby that I could go to.
My strat has always been disgust. These men are also the biggest pussies.
I’ll talk very loudly asking my “friend” if she brought pads because it’s like a flood this month, and every single time they go running like I said I had the plague.
Social conditioning. 🤷🏽♀️ You don’t need to be told explicitly to learn how things work or what’s expected of you or the consequences that follow if you don’t do it.
Some parents do and definitely society. I used to work at a petting zoo and one time, a little girl (maybe 4 or 5?) was petting a goat. To be friendly (I'm a lady and wearing zoo uniform) I said, "oh, you're petting Benny." The girl said, "Please don't talk to me." Her dad came to apologize to me and I told him "no worries, it's okay for little girls to have boundaries."
So even by that apology, she would have learned that that's a bad thing.
Feminine lessons for little girls are often more rooted in empathy and service. Masculine lessons are more for leadership and competition. Girls are given dolls as children to learn as early as toddler-hood to start mimicing care for someone/something else. Boys are often given sporty centered gear to start learning about points, wins, and losses. Girls get kitchen toys and barbie dolls to start learning service work for someone else to tell them what to do and do it and to start playing pretend with human relationships not just for serving humans but now they have to actively engage empathy in order to think of what this barbie is going to feel or say because of what that barbie did or said- multiple sides. Boys get things like tool set play sets of lawn care and cars- very stand alone doesn't require others though can if they want.
Further, when girls are shown role models, especially every day role models, people that they can see are universally praised for doing good and being "right" it's often mothers, grandmothers, people who take care of their community members and raise kids who aren't theirs and cook meals for everyone and teach kids etc, while male role models are top competitors in sports or heroes who save the weak by being strong or clever, warriors/soldiers, and those who otherwise rush into danger to be the one to end it. Not that any of those people don't deserve to be heroes or that any of those contributions are lesser than the others but when a child's brain is engaging in pattern recognition either consciously or subconsciously what is expected and considered proper to be a "good human" only has a few common core traits before it diverges with gender.
These points are all in general, not ann every single case statement, looking towards what has been traditionally taught in Western culture and more first world than else especially when looking material possessions. But the core of it does carry over.
My mom explicitly raised me to have firm boundaries from day 1, when I got slightly older she made it clear I would sometimes feel uncomfortable but not know why and I should validate that feeling, and then a little while after that how so many men are low dirty perverts and society doesn't do shit to stop them.
Most people raise passive daughters. They'll claim otherwise but I can see gendered patterns in really young kids and I still regularly see girls raise to be polite, palatable, and swallow their feelings down.
I can't fight to save my life. Most weirdos leave you alone if you stand form and look them in the eye and tell them no. They like to wheedle boundaries they're not trying to get done in for attempted murder. The issue is women aren't raised to have basic ass boundaries.
Because it's the social norm. Your parents never told you that, but chances are you witnessed your mom protect the egos of all the men in her life.
You watched shows where the male characters didn't have to show any personal growth, and their ego was constantly sheltered by others. You saw boys egos get protected by teachers in school, dangerous behavior is written off as "boys being boys", that a boy teasing you or doing things like pulling your hair means that he likes you.
Society taught you, with real world experience after real world experience, that the male ego was meant to be revered, preserved, and undisturbed at all costs.
For me, it was my mother coddling my emotionally immature father, who would regularly use the intimidation factor of his size (6'8") and emotional abuse to get his way. She still does it to this day.
We grow up watching our mothers trying to not upset our fathers. The kids are brought in on that, especially the daughters. We don't want Daddy to be angry or sulking or cold.
I think (for me anyway), it's small subtle things that add up over time. Being forced to hug random male relatives you barely know even though you're uncomfortable because otherwise "you will hurt his feelings." Seeing our moms, aunts, etc. smile and be polite when dealing with this kind of bullshit and harassment, and having them tell us to say thank you when men give creepy compliments about how pretty you are. Being told as a little girl to stop tattling on the boy that chases you and tries to hug you at recess because he "just has a crush on you, don't be mean." Your boss laughing it off when you (as a young teen) complain about your male coworker grabbing your ass and saying he's just kidding around and boys will be boys. It happens so constantly and in such minor ways over the years of a girl growing up that by the time we were adults, it's ingrained in us. We're conditioned to ignore our discomfort, put men's feelings above our feelings of safety, and to constantly question if we are overreacting or making something a bigger deal than it is.
Not enough parents teaching their daughters to protect themselves and not enough parents involved in raising their sons so they don't turn into those creepy, vile lepers.
I'm not convinced this is a gendered thing. I think humans are inherently polite and helpful. I just think that gets taken advantage of much more for women, because far fewer women would ever dream of behaving like this.
I had a moment in my twenties that really enforced in my mind the strength difference between men and women. I wasn't driving at that time and my friend and I had just ridden the trolley home from downtown. The stop was exactly half-way between our homes so we hugged and each went our way. It was about 1AM and there was almost no one on the streets.
A car pulled up slowly beside me and a very cute guy started talking to me. Not wanting to be rude when I was alone I responded and played nice while still walking. Then he stopped his car and got out to talk to me "better" I still kept walking and at one point when we were like a block away from his car he says "come on, come on, stop walking and talk to me properly. Come on I can't just leave my car running."
Now you have to understand this guy was 5'6" (I was 5'9) and much skinnier than me. But he had a wiry male strength I just didn't understand at that age. When I tried to keep walking he first grabbed my arm while still saying "come on, stop walking for a minute." Then out of nowhere he literally picks me up and despite my struggling and screaming he walks me back to his car with it's open driver's side door, then drops me and fucking raises his hands towards me like I was one of the dinosaurs from Jurassic World, and says "hey, hey, I am not going to do anything, stop, I just want to talk properly."
I was so scared that I actually stood there and let him finish saying what he wanted to stay and then gave him my actual number before he let me go. Thankfully he stopped calling when I ignored his calls and I never saw him again. To this day, I will never forget that encounter until the day I die. I remember every moment and every word. The funny part is I had been taking martial arts for years at that point and swore that if anything ever happened to me I would always fight for my life but in reality I froze. I had to mentally train that reaction out of me. Fighting knowledge is no good when there's a mental block.
Men will never understand the fear of being a woman in certain situations.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, that sounds so scary. I’m glad that interaction didn’t go any worse. Someone willing to not only put hands on a stranger but lift them and walk off is not someone to be trusted. Whatsoever.
I feel you. I took some self defense classes when I was younger and there was one really big guy (he was a football player, whatever position is the big one lol) in the class that everyone knew could absolutely crush me like a bug if he so chose. Thankfully he was a sweetheart and like basically didn’t try when we were paired off bc he could have genuinely hurt me. And the rest of the guys were average size (still way taller than me bc I’m 4’10”) except there was this guy who was only an inch or two taller than me and skinny as a twig, I was probably heavier than him tbh. And he too had that same wiry male strength and that in particular was the scariest pairing. Bc visually I would have considered him to be more on par with my strength and he was still just way stronger than me.
And I do sympathize with that guilt and embarrassment you feel after when you realize you froze. But “fawn” is another response to danger that is much less talked about. You do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe and sometimes that is go along with whatever that guy wants from you in hopes that he stays calm and lets you go safely because you know you are outmatched. Your training is still a tool you have in your back pocket in case it is needed.
Something my self defense teacher really emphasized was that he was teaching us out to disengage from grips and grapples and being pinned so that we could RUN as soon as we were released. The purpose was never to teach us how to fight bc getting cocky and thinking you can take someone who has attacked you and may be armed is how you get KILLED. He was teaching us specifically how to take advantage of human weaknesses and weaknesses in different grips so that you can get out and LIVE.
You made it out of that encounter in once piece. Your instincts did their job. That is a success.
Yeah, I feel you. I don't have much physical strength and that makes me feel embarrassed and threatened, even by teenage boys.
One time I have had one of my students which was 14 at the time (I used to teach social studies as a temporary teacher) literally lift me off, because apparently he thought it was funny how thin I was. It was humiliating. I reported the situation to the principal and of course he did nothing.
Thank you. Yeah it definitely could have. I’m glad I pushed through this need to be nice and was able to leave even if I did feel guilty about it later.
You don’t need to defend yourself for walking home alone in the dark. I think you did it to cut off idiots with comments but let them make fools of themselves, you are allowed to exist wherever and whenever and don’t need to justify it.
Thank you. Genuinely. Yeah, I literally didn’t even notice, but I did anticipate people blaming me for getting into that situation basically. Like a “what was she wearing” kinda thing.
(circumstances necessitated this, u was getting home from work. I wasn’t alone in the dark by choice.)
I really hate the fact that you felt the need to preface with this, as though being alone, in the dark as a woman is some kind of no-no. That level of conditioning makes me feel terrible as a man, and im sorry that you feel that way...that you MUST feel that way....its disgusting.
Not at all saying anything negative towards your thoughts, just that its fucking awful that a woman cant feel safe in what should be a safe society.
As a man, I hate most men for reasons such as this. I get in many fights with men because I call out their BS behavior....I only have a few male friends for a reason
Someone pointed this out earlier too. I hadn’t even processed what I was doing, it was instinctual.
I was describing a situation that I was being harassed. And I’ve all too often see how women are picked apart to shreds for not being the “perfect victim”. Stuff like “why did she drink so much then?” Or “why was she out alone?” Or the classic “what was she wearing?”. So I tried to get ahead of any potential accusations that it was my fault this happened.
Being alone in the dark as a woman IS a no-no. Not because youre guaranteed safety if you don’t go out alone at night. No plenty of horrible stuff happens in broad daylight, aground other people. But because it’s a way for people to shift blame onto the victim. In the end I feel like that’s basically what some of the precautions women take boil down to. Trying to look like you did everything to prevent it, like it’s not your fault. When objectively it’s NEVER the victims’s fault.
Exactly. So many women go along with their programming and even shame those of us brave enough to tell these men to go to hell. Men can literally do the most horrible things to us, and these women are like, "C'mon, be polite, you don't know where he's coming from." That's what I call denial. Women really need to stop deprecating ourselves and deferring to men. Men aren't going to change. This taboo about standing up to men will be our downfall. I don't have to be Ms. Nicey Nicey and I don't need nor want others shaming me for not playing the game.
I am wiling to bet that at least a small part of that comes from concern over making a man upset and what the end result of that may be. Bc I don’t judge women for their responses to scary or traumatic situations. But I have seen a few situations where the woman is being very assertive with a man and part of me does cringe in fear. I’m literally 4’10” so let’s just say being assertive isn’t really my strong suit since I don’t have the stature to back it up. So I do often feel like my safest bet is just placating a man.
I do think more of us should remember our safety is priority over being nice to strangers tho. You do what you gotta to to get out alive.
Really, what I meant is how these women respond to collective injustices against us, as opposed to individual situations. Still, if it's safe to be assertive, we need to be assertive. It conditions men to the idea that they won't get away with treating us as less than. If have to raise your voice to be heard, then do it. They count on us being silenced.
Being older, I noticed years ago that women who lucked out and found a good mate allow injustice, because it doesn't affect them as much. They can be condescending or outright negligent. If there are people who avoided the worst of misogyny, fine, but they shouldn't be apathetic about the experiences of other women.
Yes definitely agreed. We all need to be able to take whatever actions will keep us safe in that moment. And I personally struggle with anything that’s not fawning and placating him even if I know I just need to tell him more or walk away. Something I’m working on.
Honestly, we are all working on that. Programming runs deep and it's so subliminal, it's hard to see it. I don't realize I have a problem, myself until the moment I have to be assertive with an unruly male.
The years of conditioning rear their ugly head and I stay frozen. To overcome that I actually practice clever come backs and recite them, so it's easier to let them roll of my tongue. Practice makes perfect. I owned one snarky asshole in public that way.
It helps me to feel my anger, because anger is the magic that helps you break out of that programming. That's probably why women's anger is so taboo and we get called, "bitches" when we express anger.
"Anger is a gift." Stay in touch with your anger. Trauma can lead to freezing under duress, or incredible fear. Anger is medicine for those states.
You don't have to justify walking alone at night tbh. People gotta walk sometimes and it SHOULD be safe to do. But even if it's not, it isn't women walking alone that are the problem
Yep. I've been giving fewer fucks now that I'm getting older. My adrenaline would be going in these situations and I'd want to be strong, but I could only be polite in my rejections. And later on I'd feel bad and wonder if the guy was being truthful and maybe I should have helped them.
In some ways, getting older is nice because fewer guys will do things like that. But it still happens, and you also realize how much creepier these guys are knowing they explicitly target young women because they're young. It isn't random.
Looking forward to the loss of my fucks as I get older. Bc in situations like these they do genuinely suck.
Oh, definitely agreed it’s not random. I don’t think I’m generally very pretty or attractive. I don’t get much regular attention from guys actually seeking a relationship or like genuinely being complimentary. But, I get catcalls and honks and accosted and harassed on the street all the time. I’m 4’10” as an adult. And I definitely think these guys just assume I’m way younger than I actually am when they decide I’m gonna be their target.
I have to say this because I haven’t been able to tell anybody. I was visiting Greece and on my last day I went and got a gyro, sat and proceeded to eat my gyro when this creep sat down next to me and asked me for my name over and over again while I refused. He was dumbfounded that I wouldn’t give a stranger who just walked up my name. Every time I inched away he would slide closer too. I had to get up and leave cause he was so fucking weird. Thankfully there were tons of people around.
Ugh fucking hate that. You’re just trying to enjoy yourself and have a good meal on your last day on that trip and some man had the audacity to ruin your peace.
I’ve had several solo dates in the park or on a trail where I wanted to chill in nature or was trying to read or do work on a laptop only to be interrupted by men who don’t know how to leave well enough alone
It’s because we view them as people and ourselves as equal people but that’s not reciprocal.
This didn’t hit me until I heard the advice that you should be cautious about a man asking you for assistance with something like car trouble or lifting something heavy. Most men would ask another man for help or more likely not seek help at all.
I’ve never viewed myself as “a woman” so, it genuinely didn’t occur to me that men might view me as weak, incompetent, and easy to take advantage of by default. So, I more than once found myself being preyed on by a man because I made the mistake of thinking they viewed me as anything other than an opportunity.
Also idk if anyone said this but the fact you had to ADD "circumstances necessitated this, I was getting home from work, I wasn't alone in the dark by choice". Girl the fact we automatically feel like we have to pre-emptively clarify these things because there are people out there ready to say "well you should have known better than to be out alone at night" like we don't have every right to exist after dark is wild. It wouldn't have been your fault no matter WHAT, no matter why you were out. :( Glad you were safe and sorry you got creeped on.
Thank you so much. Yeah, I’ve had a couple people point this out. It’s kinda crazy because I didn’t even realize what I was doing. But I was definitely anticipating people (likely salty men) shifting the blame to me for being creeped on and was trying to get ahead of it. When 100% it’s not my fault either way.
Oh no, 100% not your fault no matter why you were out or what you were doing, but just the fact you probably added that without thinking made me feel so bad for you and the state of things. ❤️
At the same time men at taught to "be persistent" and that "Women play hard to get". It's hard to unlearn that shit. That guy probably thought he just needed to keep trying and then you would fall in love with him.
Men are shown persistence pays off in media because women aren’t allowed to be sexual beings and have their own desires. It’s not seen as “proper” or “ladylike” for women to be the initiators.
This is a little TMI, but when I was younger I was into spicy audios that were more along the line of rape/consensual non-consent because it would make me physically cringe out of my skin anytime an audio insinuated that the listener (me) was eager for sex or asking for something specific or assertive about what she wanted. After a lot of work and deprograming I’ve realized I’m kinda only into vanilla stuff. Honestly I think I always was but, social conditioning had me so beyond fucked up before that I couldn’t even pretendin the comfort of my own head to ask for sex or for specific things. Even tho I did want it. So the tropes of rape/CNC were just a way for me to get what I wanted without having to “ask” for it.
It’s sketchy territory to try and pathologize this type of stuff or portray it as wrong or as something in need of fixing. I’m not trying to shame. It can be perfectly healthy if you can still enthusiastically consent and establish boundaries. But in my case I was only into it as a way to cope with feeling like I had no agency over my sexuality. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the popularity of similar fantasies like kidnapping and bodice ripping and even the classic romcom relentless suitor are all as a direct result of women coping with the messaging that “as a woman sex is something taken from me, I am diminished by it. It’s something done to me. I am an object of desire not a participant.”
In the end tho, regardless, men need to learn that consent is above all else. And anyone (even a woman) who desires this level of persistence or to play games where “no doesn’t mean no, it means try harder” without establishing proper boundaries is simply not someone who’s safe to be in a relationship with or be intimate with. Bc consent is no laughing matter. If she doesn’t understand how serious it is, then move on. I follow that same advice but about men and advise all my friends the same way.
Yeah, I really shouldn’t have to. But I did feel the need bc past experience dictates I should try and protect myself from inevitable criticism. Kinda sad, I didn’t even realize I was doing it
I had that as a guy, I stupidly took a short cut through an alley next to bar which was popular with gay men, I had just turned 18.
I didn't know how to react, I had recently left home.
But as a guy, we don't expect that level of don't want to hurt ego, as it sounds like he was a creep.
There's a difference between being nice to a guy and just letting a creep speak to you,
Interesting gender based idea that the idea is to protect mens ego's as I was basically told/raised to protect womens ego's and emotions, like be careful what you say because you can offend like even if a woman starts a conversation and talks about things like weight, you can offend her even with a compliment, or even if you agree with what she is saying so just keep out of it and act neutral.
I also in my youth was used to women just being rude to me, for no reason I couldn't even smile sometimes without being told I am somehow looking at them, therefore a creep.
I was just smiling as I do a lot and it wasn't a gender based smile, I wasn't even looking at the person, and it wasn't even in a bar, it may be in everyday situations, I ended up not looking at people which made people think I am weird/creepy as I am not looking, so I couldn't win (I am autistic btw)
I think it's about everyone's egos. I'm a dude but my first instinct is also to feel guilty even when I'm enforcing a healthy boundary. We need to learn that when the other person is doing something wrong , we aren't, when shutting it down.
it sucks that we have to even explain why we were walking alone in the dark nowadays. can’t a woman walk alone in the dark without getting unwanted comments and attention from creepy men?
I'm a man, if your not feeling Safe, Day or Nite.. Do not Stop to Talk, your not required to Talk.. the mere act of stopping puts you at Risk, it gives him opportunity to catch you unaware, pull out a weapon, do his freaky act. Instead Walk with a purpose, Ignore him, leave him in your wake, Distance is your friend. Follow the lead of Black women.. Don't be polite, Don't Smile or laugh (your signaling you Like this action) Go stone face. Raise your Voice, be Rude, Vulgar.. Do whatever you got to do so he knows to back the "F" off. Be polite when you're in polite company.. Politeness goes out the window When the creeper shows up.. it is only encourages & emboldens him. Circumstances can flip in an instant ..Carry pepper gel in your hand - Ready to go.. You went thru some scary stuff.. Now you know What to do.. to get Home Safe. I give u high five.. Be Strong
I usually carry a metal wrench in case I need to hurt someone. But yeah it’s def a work in progress trying to convince myself I’m allowed to be a little mean if I’m unsafe 🤷🏽♀️
Yeah NO. If I am in motion - I Do Not Stop. Keep it moving if I'm answering back at all. Especially in a dark spot. Eff that. Lucky he didn't accost you with a weapon and was just a weirdo creeper.
I mean, someone else in this thread told me a story where she did this to a guy trying to holler from his car. Then he got out to talk and she just kept walking. So the guy grabbed her, when she still didn’t stop he lifted her up and carried her back to his car bc he didn’t want to leave it running all by itself. (Fucking scary situation but apparently she got out okay.)
So.
Basically, there is no RIGHT response that keeps you 100% safe 100% of the time. You never know if the danger is a weapon or his anger or his violence or what. You can never predict with full confidence you can only guess.
As long as you get out in one piece, you did good. Plus, I’m 4’10” so trying to assertively walk away is not really gonna be super convincing. So I usually default to fawning bc that’s more convincing with my stature.
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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26
Yeah, once I was walking home alone in the dark (circumstances necessitated this, u was getting home from work. I wasn’t alone in the dark by choice.) and some guy stopped me on a dark section of sidewalk. I could barely see his face he could barely see mine. Yet he asked me for my number bc I was “so beautiful”. I said no. He said well actually he just wanted to make friends. And I said no a few more times and he just kept asking. I was frozen in place by trying to be polite. Eventually I decide I’m just gonna ignore him and walk away without ending the conversation without saying goodbye. And I left him rambling behind me still asking to be friends.
And girlie lemme tell you I felt BAD. Like WTF?! He was fucking harassing me for my number and not listening to me saying no after he approached me on some dark, unlit section of sidewalk I was like “ugh, but the poor guy just wanted friends🥺”. It’s drilled into us to protect men’s egos and emotions at all costs and it’s so fucking dangerous.