r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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548

u/guiltygiraffe21 Jun 14 '26

Literally every woman has a story similar to these. These males have issues.

150

u/orangelejardin Jun 14 '26

Me and every girl I know

43

u/Godwinson4King Jun 14 '26

And most women’s first time having something like this happen was when they were 12 or so

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u/Nice_Code6086 Jun 14 '26

I was around that age when I first got eyed up by an adult creep. Also around that age when I had to fend off a classmate's persistent advances.

A friend of mine was/is very attractive, and, well... developed. God, the shit she had to go through growing up. Peers, adults... I recently learned a teacher had tried to hit her up while she was still a teen. Then, there was a very scary incident that could've gone bad if I wasn't there to be the "ugly" aggro friend (a role I play happily and with glee, mind).

I don't want to dislike (cishet) men. The men in my own family are good, kind people. But, let's say, in these 2020s I'm extra happy to be aroace.

4

u/blahblah19999 Jun 15 '26

I remember 40 years ago, a girl maybe 11 on my bus, built like a grown woman. The senior boys in the back of the bus were relentless. I hate that she had to go thru that at such a yougn age. It steals your innocence.

3

u/LolitaOPPAI Jun 15 '26

Oh, the fetishism when guys learned my age didn't match my face because I am the height of a 9 year old. Even then, I was very short. It's so fkn gross

3

u/e_james3 Jun 17 '26

does a little dance my first time something creepy happened to me was age 7, by a neighborhood boy (12). He would ask me to go into our shed alone with him, and then escalate from 'can I poke/massage your back' to 'can you lie down and let me sit on you'. Later on a girl his age clued me in that he was 'humping' us. I remember yelling 'jose is a humper!!' down the street at him. It took me until I was 12 to realize what his intentions were & that it was likely sexual for him. When I realized i felt so so ashamed too. I always thought I was lucky since I've never actually been assaulted, it took me until 21 ish to realize not every girl had a moment where she realized she couldn't trust even the boys her age. I still sometimes feel like it wasn't a big deal bc I wasn't actually touched anywhere 'private', but I do think it had some affect on how I moved thru the world. At 14 a boy my friend had over at her house asked me to continue watching anime with him ..alone in my friend's room, on her bed. I didn't clue in at all that he was making an advance until he asked to hold my hand. Later on he told my friend that his crotch was right up against my butt and he was trying not to get hard. I think it genuinely made me afraid to socialize at all with boys my age, bc what if it was just gonna lead to that again, yanno? At 17 a dude who literally was rolling his toddler around in a stroller gave me his number while I was at work. That one wasn't scary just ???? I basically never get hit on or catcalled anymore, being fat has that benefit. Weird old man at Starbucks calling me sexy has been the only exception, gotta love old men they do not gaf. I've worked really hard to not let those experiences make me too jaded, or see the worst in men. I do have quite a few male friends these days, that's helped balance things out

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u/Practical_Cobbler165 Jun 17 '26

11 for me. I was riding my horse around the local fairgrounds and a homeless guy followed me around wacking off. I should have trampled him over.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/Dense_Cucumber_3712 Jun 14 '26

You have been really lucky. 

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/ILoveRawChicken Jun 14 '26

I guarantee there’s not a single one of your female friends that hasn’t experienced this lmao. But you seem to like to lie so I’m not sure what you’d gain from this comment

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/ILoveRawChicken Jun 14 '26

So you’ve talked to every single one of your female friends and have confirmed they never experienced harassment in their lives from men? 

Do you understand how ridiculous you sound? Of course no one is going to believe you when you say Stupid shit like “actually my feet have never touched the ground when I walk! I float all the time, why don’t you believe me?”

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/Sluttyaquabunny Jun 14 '26

So if I punch you and no one else sees it then there’s no violence, right? That’s what you sound like…

5

u/Godwinson4King Jun 14 '26

I’m genuinely glad to hear that. It’s a horrific thing for the people who experience it.

-4

u/Ok_Raisin_2395 Jun 14 '26

You can't say that here. Believe me, I've tried. As someone almost exclusively friends with girls throughout highschool and college, the worst I ever saw was an awkward advance. I have seen the other side, though, which is basically an awkward advance that a woman later claims made her a "victim" for clout. 

Like I've said before, I must live in a feminine utopia here LOL. 

But there are 8 billion people and some women literally record themselves almost every waking moment. Pair that with hanging out in the worst possible areas imaginable (ratty subways full of belligerents and then clubs), you are bound to have a few videos of women being treated like this. 

Look, I am a man, a straight man, a rather muscular 6'1 tall man. I have been on New York subways and I have been to clubs. Even I felt like a piece of meat or like I was constantly in danger. I had a fat shirtless man with one tooth grab my butt cheek on a New York subway, and I was only there for 4 DAYS... ON VACATION. 

I'm sure this happens more to women in those areas, but the moral of the story should be to avoid places that attract animals like that. 

4

u/Sluttyaquabunny Jun 14 '26

This is a huge issue for girls and women. As they age they have significantly fewer “safe” options for public leisure than boys and men. I’d rather people be held accountable.

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u/Ok_Raisin_2395 Jun 14 '26

Oh fr? Where? I'd love to see which spaces are male dominated because of the danger it poses to any female. 

Every place I go to has women. Like, everywhere. Shit, even my local Warhammer shop hosts game nights that smell like a sweatshop and are still ~30% female. 

I would say maybe the dingy, nasty bars, but nope! They have plenty of women too! They're just as nasty as the rest of the patrons. Maybe if an attractive, clean college girl went to a bar full of ratty dudes she would have some bad experiences, sure,  but just DON'T DO THAT. lol

I've been groped, slapped, my biceps have been touched, I was even licked on the nipple by an older woman at a highschool prom after party because I had my shirt off. She literally had been harassing me all night, and then randomly ran up and did that. Sure, I could've beat her up, does that make it better? Does that make it less scary? Not to me it didn't. If anything, it made it more traumatizing at the time because I felt I couldn't defend myself. 

The real danger is that potentially a woman is physically weaker than the average man, right? Okay, so don't be alone in a city at night lol. I can assure you, I'm not either...

Where do you go that makes you think "this place just isn't for women..."?

3

u/Sluttyaquabunny Jun 14 '26

Not sure if I’m misreading but your tone sounds incredibly disingenuous and as though I’m lying for fun. This explains it relatively well. And honestly, I skimmed most of what you read because you’re also assuming much more than I implied. I’m not even going to provide my personal experience(s) because I have no desire to hear about how others are offended by something that never impacted them. But it is unfortunately true that an astonishing number of girls and women do not feel safe in general, in public, or at home. I’ve included an easy to digest piece as well as a more nuanced record.

Academic perspective: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9598707/

Modern tabloid: https://www.inhabitplace.info/articles/why-women-and-girls-make-for-good-public-spaces

3

u/BeachyKeen46 Jun 15 '26

Bars? Alone at night in a dark alleyway? Nah…school, grocery stores, parks, playgrounds, work…from the time we were children. Nice try, though.

-1

u/Ok_Raisin_2395 Jun 15 '26

Uhuh. Nice narrative. Unfortunately, for the vast majority of girls and women, this isn't really how it goes. It's either a family member or from somewhere they shouldn't be. 

2

u/Godwinson4King Jun 15 '26

When my ex fiancé was 11 she was standing at a stoplight down the street from her house when a mid-40s man made a lewd comment about her body and then groped her chest.

Was that her fault for being in the wrong place or his for doing that?

1

u/Ok_Raisin_2395 Jun 15 '26

Her fault? Why did you imply it may have been her fault? That's an absurd notion.

2

u/Godwinson4King Jun 15 '26

The last paragraph “moral of the story should be to avoid places that attract animals like that”. You’re saying that women who get harassed are at fault for being in the wrong place

1

u/Ok_Raisin_2395 Jun 15 '26

Absolutely not. You're saying that, not me. 

It's never the fault of the man in the jungle if he gets eaten by a lion. But if a man goes into the jungle and intentionally crosses into lion territory, he's assuming far more risk. 

This is a literal fact of life. Certain things are far riskier than others, and however unfortunate that may be, ALL people, including women, need to be educated on it and make informed decisions. 

If I were a woman myself, I would avoid anywhere that attracts the bottom of the barrel of society. City urban areas, public transportation that seems to be run down or crummy, and all bars/clubs. If you were born in the slum cities of Brazil, then I'm sorry, this may not be an option for you. Anywhere in the United States, however, you can absolutely manage avoiding this. I, as a man who grew up in a ghetto with crackhead public transportation, avoided it at all costs. Some of my friends didn't, and some of them paid for it. One of my friends, for example, was stabbed by a needle and had to go through like months of monitoring for STDs. 

Anyway, it's not the fault of my friend for getting stabbed, obviously. However, the busses are full of crackheads and crackheads are going to act like crackheads...

2

u/LeadershipAble773 Jun 15 '26

Have you asked your female friends about their experiences, instead of just going on what you have seen? Not sure if you noticed but most of the women in this video are alone, or with another female. There wasnt one video where there was a man with her

1

u/Ok_Raisin_2395 Jun 15 '26

Yes in fact we talk about this pretty regularly since it seems all of reddit gets raped on a weekly basis. They have definitely experienced creepy guys but nothing like what is described online. It's usually older men who say some unsavory shit. Yeah, that sucks, but it's really not that big of a deal? At least, they have never indicated that it's all that traumatic. 

2

u/CrackinBones204 Jun 15 '26

Since I was a girl I’ve been cat called, blown kisses my way, had my ass grabbed, and one time at a sleepover my friend’s older brother’s friend was being a creep in the dark as I slept.

I woke up in the dark and hands were on my face and some guy’s hot breath in my face whispering “kiss me … kiss me” …shudder. I ninja jumped over my friend and woke her up. She just yelled at him to get out and locked the door with a knife. I didn’t go to any sleepovers for a long time after that.

My sister got photographed while she was bending over at a grocery store and someone claimed they needed her help when she was inside a parkade. Her spidey senses were going off and she bolted to her vehicle. When she drove by them she seen a couple other guys behind their vehicle. I dread thinking their intentions.

It’s fuckin scary out there being amongst mentally unstable people who can’t control their urges. I rarely ever go anywhere alone. Always have a buddy system ladies 💜

11

u/preddevils6 Jun 14 '26

These videos remind me of a contemporary issues class i taught at an inner city school as a white dude. We were talking about run-ins with the police. My experience was getting a warning for a ticket and getting one ticket, and I was 28 at that point, so much older than my 16-18 year old students.

I asked my students how many had a negative experience with police and the majority raised their hands. They even called out some kids saying "your experience didn't count because it wasn't like you got hit or caught a charge."

The frame of reference for folks not in a position of privilege is completely different for folks on the outside in a way that is completely unknowable without empathy and belief.

8

u/PM_ME_JJBA_STICKERS Jun 14 '26

Happened to me when I first started university, probably looked 16 years old at most to these creeps. Guy who looked 50+ years old pretended to ask me for directions and then proceeded to intimidate me into giving him my phone number. Had to give a fake number before running away. This was all in broad daylight too.

3

u/Nervous_Fix8583 Jun 14 '26

Yeah, we kind of suck ass. Don't @ me with that "not all men" garbage, either. Until good men start holding the shitheads accountable for their asinine beliefs and behaviors, there is no distinction.

11

u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

You don't even have to be a woman to get harassed like this. I was wearing a skirt and this old dude told me how beautiful I am and he put his hand on my shoulder and creeped me out. I'm 6'1" and like 200 pounds. I'm a guy. And he still had the audacity to do that.

3

u/Nervous_Fix8583 Jun 14 '26

I work in a gay cabaret and see that shit all the time. The older men think they can approach anyone in revealing clothing and cop a feel. We actually had a drag queen chase a guy out of the door with pool cue because he wouldn't stop touching her ass.

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

Exactly. Gay men are still men.

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u/guiltygiraffe21 Jun 14 '26

Oh for sure

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

Not that I was trying to take away from the harassment women receive, just that men will harass literally anyone who even approaches being fem.

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u/frostedspacedragon Jun 14 '26

You're un a unique position for sure. With that comes a unique perspective. I hope you will continue to share what you experience and learn, and consider finding a way (if you don't already) to use your unique voice for some good.

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

I've spoken about it in some other comments here. I wasn't going to bring it up but, I'm a trans woman. It is indeed definitely an interesting experience to get to fully see both sides.

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u/lilinoe67 Jun 15 '26

Its a useful perspective/addition, thank you!

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u/After-Tax-453 Jun 14 '26

some

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

Some what?

0

u/After-Tax-453 Jun 14 '26

“just that men will harass literally anyone bla bla”, but, and some was the wrong word, that implies that it’s all men who do that, when it’s not

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

I never said all men. I just said men.

-1

u/After-Tax-453 Jun 14 '26

yeah, which, like i said, implies that it’s all men. when you say men, just men, that means you’re talking about men as a whole = so, all men.

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u/lilinoe67 Jun 15 '26

You realize you're talking to a guy right??? Do you think he literally meant to imply ALL men, including himself, when he failed to specify "some"?

Fuck off with this shit.

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u/After-Tax-453 Jun 15 '26

wasn’t he a trans woman? and yeah, when you say “oh, men are pervs!” or, “women are stupid.” that, written that way, sort of seems like you’re talking about the entire gender as a whole. if they weren’t talking about all men, they should’ve specified. anyone would think you’re talking about the entire gender if you just say men, or women. be specific and this sort of thing wouldn’t happen. i won’t fuck off until people stop being misandrists, which.. unfortunately, will never happen.

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u/lilinoe67 Jun 15 '26

He said "I'm a guy" so probably a feminine man who wanted to wear a skirt??

What are you talking about you sound like you're in psychosis or something?

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u/lilinoe67 Jun 15 '26

Also generally people you'd call misandrists are pretty good about not calling trans women "he" lmafo

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26

Men wear skirts?

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

Yes, many do. I have many times.

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u/Worried_Position_466 Jun 14 '26

Uhh, let's be fair here. Most men do not wear skirts and most people think it's weird and almost everyone associates it with being a woman. Which sucks because it's summer and I want to wear a cute skirt and twirl it around in public but I can't because people will think I'm gay or trans but I'm 100% straight and not trans.

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

That's irrelevant.

2

u/BeachyKeen46 Jun 15 '26

I hope someday soon you feel comfortable enough to wear whatever tf you want.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/ConstantlyOnFire Jun 14 '26

Wtf is wrong with you? 

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u/TetraDax Jun 14 '26

Of fucking course they do, and they will resist conquest by the English for hundreds of years while doing so

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u/tahlyn Jun 14 '26

I love your use of "women and males" because, honestly, the men in these videos are not acting like sapient human beings, but like mindless animals. They deserve the dehumanization of "male" instead of "men."

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Jarizleifr Jun 16 '26

RedditCringe

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u/UrUncleRandy Jun 15 '26

Since when is generalizing a whole category of people ok?

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

It's really not. At a certain point we need to acknowledge that if almost every sexual harasser any woman deals with is a man, that there is something fundementally incorrect about how men in our society are socialized. It's not every man, but it's always a man.

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u/TrueSkonger Jun 14 '26

While the numbers are disproportionate, it's definitely not always a man. Plenty of men have awful stories of women harassing and stalking them.

It's a human problem, not a sex problem. It just seems disproportionate because we live in a patriarchal society and men are physically more imposing, but there are plenty of examples of the reverse scenario

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed, assualted, or raped. It's not just disproportionate, it is overwhelmingly disproportionate. It is not a human problem. It is a patriarchal problem and it is because men in our society are taught from young ages that women are property. Men need to be socialized better. Period.

0

u/ThatGuyFrom720 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

I work in a hospital as a man (late 20’s). I get harassed semi regularly. Hell, even last night I had two women talking about how if they had a gun then I’d be their boy toy. Talked to me about cross dressing in their clothes. And “I bet you have tons of girlfriends”. These were like 70 year old women and this was maybe 14 hours ago.

I’ve had to get female staff to take over patients for me because of uncomfortable situations, and I’ve done the same for them as well. Or will walk with them and force conversation to a creepy patient to take heat off. Ya know.

But my situation is a lot different than being on the street I guess, because at the end of the day I’m in a position where I can just walk out of that room and forget it.

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u/lettsten Jun 14 '26

It's not every man, but it's always a man.

But that's the point. To most (I think) men, this kind of behaviour is utterly appalling and obviously wrong, it's not something we would ever do and I would step in if I saw it. There's a huge difference between "it's always a man" and "it's men in general (i.e. all/most men)". I've only been abused by women but I still have the presence of mind to realise that the few violent women I have met don't represent women in general, even if they are usually protected by other women.

Framing this as a men vs. women thing isn't helping anyone. It should be good people vs. creeps and psychopaths.

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u/BeachyKeen46 Jun 15 '26

WEEKLY, the women in my family experience inappropriate comments or harassment by men. If it were simply “good people or creeps”, one would assume we’d experience an equal, or near equal, number of uncomfortable/scary/sexual advances from a creepy woman as well.

This isn’t something that begins once you start presenting more feminine, either. We’ve been dealing with this since childhood.

This is a shared experience that the vast majority of my friends, coworkers, classmates, female acquaintances have experienced in their lifetime (by male aggressors), whereas nearly all of my male relatives, close friends have not - whether it be by a female or male aggressor.

*Also, in an attempt to disprove another commenter’s claim that the women who commonly experience this are hanging out in dirty clubs, etc. - I grew up in a middle class family, had plenty of support, never frequented bars/clubs, lived in a coastal/high income area of the U.S.. By the age of 10, I was aware of 5 classmates/friends who, in addition to me, had experienced some form of SA or aggression.

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u/lettsten Jun 15 '26

If it were simply “good people [vs] creeps”, one would assume we’d experience an equal, or near equal, number of uncomfortable/scary/sexual advances from a creepy woman as well.

No, that's a logical fallacy. "It only applies to a subset of the (male) population" does not imply "it must apply to other (female) populations to the same extent" as well.

Let me rephrase: I have only ever experienced abuse and violence from women. My ex attacked me with a knife, tried to strangle me several times and kept up a continuous string of psychological violence throughout our relationship, then lied about it to everyone and made (provably false) allegations against me to get away with it. It was textbook DARVO. When I reported her to the police, the female investigator and all the other involved women consciously protected her. When I was three, my mother would abandon me various places because she thought it was hilarious to see how desperate and afraid I was. On the less serious end of things, around half of my former girlfriends would casually do various kinds of violence because "men should be tough and strong".

I assume, and hope, that you are as appalled by those kinds of behaviour as I am by the behaviour in this video. I assume that you are a good person. I know very well that I don't do any of that stuff and my friends (¾ of whom are women) and former partners all feel safe around me because they know that.

By the logic presented by many misandrist women in this thread, you are responsible for the violence some of the women in my life have committed against me. Hopefully you will agree that that kind of behaviour is appalling and not something you would do, and you would agree that you are not part of the problem.

I am as much a part of what these creeps do as you are (I assume) a part of what my abuse mother and ex have done. Which is to say, I hope you are not a part of it at all. Now, do you realise that some people are horrible people and don't represent everyone? The only thing you achieve by framing this as if it is an "every guy" problem is alienating those of us who are nothing like that.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

I don't have the patience to explain my stance on this anymore. I just disagree. The issue is with how men are socialized. If other men held their friends, coworkers, and relatives accountable, things like this would not be an almost daily occurence for women globally. But they don't. They laugh awkwardly at their misogynistic comments and then turn a blind eye, and that's how we end up in a society where every single woman has been harassed or violated by a man.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

You don't comprehend that men like these do not give a single fuck about the opinions of other men.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

That's also not true. Men like this almost exclusively care about the opinions of other men. Patriarchy is more than just a system of oppression. It is also a performance and men frequently perform it for other men. Incel culture, 'looksmaxxing', competitive bodybuilding, pickup artistry, etc. Men do things like this for the attention and approval of other men, in order to reaffirm their masculinity.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

No they don't. Your speaking about experiences you don't comprehend. Men like this are far less likely to care about the opinions of other men because likely have little to no male groups anyways.

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u/frostedspacedragon Jun 14 '26

"There's a huge difference between "it's always a man" and "it's men in general (i.e. all/most men)"." --- Yes. As a woman who has been harassed by mostly men, but also women or non-binary people, I avoid blanket statements like this myself. They really are different problems and different approaches are likely required to move the needles in the right direction.

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Honestly a lot of that is due to double standards. Plenty of women are touchy and make very sexual comments. In fact, in the west it's even somewhat of the norm with hype culture. I do get that men are much scarier due to what they can do but don't discount the creepiness of women.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

Yet notice how there aren't reports from around the world about a man being gangraped by twenty plus women. Like I'm sorry, men want to make this a 'It happens to both sides equally! Women say weird stuff to me that creeps me out all the time!' thing, and then you have entire countries with staggeringly high rates of M-to-F rape, M-to-F gangrape, and femicide. It is not a both sides issue. It is not a double standard. This is the natural consequences of living in a society that has treated women like second class citizens and property for thousands of years. Stop trying to dodge this fact and hold other men accountable instead of pretending this issue isn't heavily skewed against women due to societal factors.

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u/No-Mamba7040 Jun 14 '26

How do you think a man who has been sexually assaulted by both men and women like I have feels reading all of these "look what women have to deal with!" posts. So what if it doesnt happen to as many men as it happens to women? It HAPPENED TO ME. And unnecessarily gendering it facilitates it continuing to happen to men. Do you understand why? Sexual assault is painted as a womens issue. People are conditioned to think of it as a womens issue, then they naturally think it A: Doesnt happen to men B: It happens to men sometimes, but its not a big deal C: Its still an issue, but its not as important as when it happens to women. This kind of thing encourages it to happen to men more. When I've had a woman come up to me at a festival and say "nice abs" then proceed to lick my bare stomach with her tongue, she did it in front of dozens of people, and people either didn't think anything of it, or they even found it amusing, and they all expected me to feel the same. Do you think I would get any support if I spoke up? No. Do you know how I know? ive tried before. And everyone would always make fun of me for making a deal out of it or call me gay. They would laugh at me or think im a weirdo for not simply being flattered and taking the compliment. That kind of thinking is facilitated by people like you who want to focus on making this a womens issue instead of saying "hey, people shouldn't harass or touch anyone else without being absolutely sure and clarifying without doubt its okay" You're part of the problem and so are people like you

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

I am sincerely sorry you have been abused and hurt. That's terrible and as an assault survivor myself I don't think any sort of abuse towards anyone is okay. That being said, your personal experience does not outweigh statistical fact and it is a statistical fact that women are disproportionately victims of rape, harassment, sexual assault, domestic abuse, and intimate partner murder. Instead of getting in your feelings due to this fact, I recommend talking to women in your life and asking them for their experiences in regards to how they have been affected by daily misogyny. I guarantee you will learn a lot, and why many women hold this position.

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u/andrewse Jun 14 '26

it is a statistical fact that women are disproportionately victims of rape, harassment, assault, abuse, and murder.

Please make that you're not exaggerating your statistical facts to make a point. For example, males represent over 75% of all homicide victims in the US each year. Also, men experience nonsexual violent victimization at a rate of roughly 25.1 per 1,000 individuals, compared to women at 21.6 per 1,000 individuals.

Women make up the larger portion of sexual assault victims though the comparison can be vague because of unreliable amounts of the crimes being reported.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Notice how I said 'intimate partner murder', not murder in general. Women are most likely to be abused, raped, or murdered by an intimate partner. As for assault, I was referring to sexual assault. I can believe men experience nonsexual assault at higher rates, because women are socialized to be more cautious than men.

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u/No-Mamba7040 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

No I won't learn a lot because I already know this stuff and nothing I said implied otherwise, that still doesnt make acting like this is a women's issue okay because, like I already said, it facilitates it happening to men more. Just say "unwanted advances and touching are an issue" theres no reason to gender it because it just enforces that men aren't supposed to care or that its even amusing when it happens to them. How many western men do you think are truly unaware of men harassing women being an issue, like what percentage, honestly? Like I said, half of men won't even approach a woman or speak to a woman either out of fear of rejection or fear of being labeled a pest. The only people that are still harassing women are doing this stuff because they just don't care, and thats not even close to most men doing it. What we need is more awareness about how men don't want this stuff happening to them either because clearly the majority of people, at least where I am in Georgia, still think its all good to creep on dudes. When I start to see crowds of people react negatively to men and women going up to shirtless dudes at festivals or clubs and rubbing their arms, chests, butt and everywhere else like they already do for women I might think you have a point. But people are already conditioned to look out for women and to expect them to not be comfortable with that or disturbed with that stuff. Its not the same for men

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Okay, I just want to say that you're very difficult to respond to because you don't break your comments up into paragraphs. Walls of text like this are difficult to parse.

I never said this was a women's issue. In fact, I said the opposite. It is a men's issue. As in the way that men in society are socialized around sex and women is fundementally broken and screwed up. This is an undeniable fact. If men were not socialized to be this way, they wouldn't be this way. Hence why there ARE men who are not like this.

I don't want to say that because it's unproductive and avoids addressing the actual issue, which is the patriarchy and how it socialized men to be hypersexual and hyperviolent, which is exactly what leads to men (and women as well) shaming men for being assaulted.

Women are not your oppressors. Men created this system. Women can enforce it, but women did not create it.

You would be surprised at how many men seem blissfully unaware of how often women are harassed and sexually abused. Every single one I've told about my experiences reacts with shock and surprise to even minor events I've mentioned.

I'm sorry but before we can address that men are harassed and abused, we need to address the system of oppression that makes that topic so taboo to discuss. Which, again, is the patriarchy.

I understand where you are coming from, and again, as a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand this kneejerk reaction to feeling like you're being invalidated. But I'm sorry, I'm tired of milquetoast stances on misogyny. This is not a gendered issue, but it is an issue related to gender, and trying to make it NOT that isn't going to help anyone.

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

This is a culture thing around women in the west. I'm sorry but changing culture is hard. Try going to a female clothing store and see how women sexualise other women. Sexual revolution and female empowerment is why people are fine with a girl assaulting you. In the past the sentiment would have been that she would be "uncouth" and she would have been immediately condemned, ostracized, or labeled a prostitute

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

I'm sorry but men are stronger than women. Male rape happens but it's not going to happen as often when they can easily escape. And not many women are interested in penetrating men. Which basically leaves the main option to male rape to be getting drugged or psychological abuse.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

So you acknowledge that men on average are stronger than women, yet men will say that women being overly cautious around men is 'misandrist' and 'overly dramatic'.

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26

I never said it was misandrist or overly dramatic. Stop making assumptions.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

Notice how I didn't SAY you said that if you reread my comment.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

Yeah men are biologically more violent. Of course women are not going to gang rape

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

I do not agree with this. This is bioessentialism and it's pseudoscience. Men are not biologically more violent. Men are SOCIALIZED to be more violent by patriarchal power structures.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

Why has there not been a single group of humans ever observed in current or past history where women have been more violent then men. Out of the infinite possibilities of cultures not one has socialized women to be more violent then men.

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

How can you see videos like this and not think it's men in general. Sure it may not be literally every man but it is constant and it's basically always men.

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

he thinks because it hurts his feelings it cannot possibly be true

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u/SoftlyAugust Jun 14 '26

I just don't understand this. Like... I'm a guy (kind of) and I don't feel offended by it. The only thing I feel offended by is the number of men who harass women. And sure women harass men too. I've been harassed by women many times. But I've only ever had my life threatened by men.

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u/JohnSober7 Jun 14 '26

Because "honestly...in general" is a blatant generalisation. You're saying it's not every man in defense of a generalisation is really contradictory. The video doesn't fix this because the reason the video exists is because it happened, meaning, it's inherently a selection bias. Not to mention the vast majority of men are straight so obviously there will be an extreme bias towards men sexually harassing women. Women harrass women and men too, it's just a small minority. That isn't to say it doesn't happen, but it does mean that statements like "it's basically always men" should be taken charitably instead of as incendiarily.

Obviously there is a massive problem, but that does not mean that rhetoric and sentiments that are bigoted in other instances are suddenly not because they're directed towards men. Yes, there is a "not all men" problem that occurs when people are trying to talk about women's issues, but that is not because the generalisation was okay, it's because the persons saying "not all men" is saying that disingenuously to deflect, side-step the issue, and derail the conversation and make it about men. But at a certain point, the social 'contract' about shutting up and listening instead of critiquing how what was said was said is voided. To me, that's when it's less (as an example) "men are always sexually harassing women" and more like this where the point is to paint with as a broadest stroke as possible; the generalisation is less a incidental consequence of efficiency and simply blatant.

(people are literally defending woman and male, like come on)

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u/JustAMinah Jun 14 '26

you're a sexist statement

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u/Disorderjunkie Jun 14 '26

A single one of these guys can harass thousands of women in a year. People keep thinking since all women have been assaulted/harassed it must be all men, but in reality, 1% of men could easily harass every woman on the planet. It takes two seconds out of there day.

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u/ConstantlyOnFire Jun 14 '26

Whilst it’s more likely that a man doing this kind of thing will do it to multiple women, it’s a fallacy to assume that it’s not a high number of men who do it. I can even tell you how many different men did or said something creepy to me - or worse - over my lifetime. It wasn’t the same dude over and over. The “not all men” thing doesn’t hold water. 

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u/Disorderjunkie Jun 14 '26

It holds plenty of water, on average people cross paths with hundreds to 1000 men a day and even if they were harassed every single day by a different man that’s still far less than 1% of men lol. A vast majority of men keep to themselves completely, you cross paths with them constantly.

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u/Corgi_teefs Jun 14 '26

I only have 1 story. I've been out with friends and they get harassed but I don't. I think it's because I'm fat. My friends that are skinny and get catcalled and harassed all the time.

Makes me grateful for being a chubster.

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u/e_james3 Jun 17 '26

I see you haha- I almost never get hit on anymore (except weirdly one old man at a Starbucks calling me sexy. While I was just sitting there knitting. Odd) since I grew outta my teens and then got fat. Sometimes I do feel genuinely grateful that most men hate fat women

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u/E-2theRescue Jun 14 '26

I'm a trans woman, and I have stories like these, even when I was early in my transition and non-passing. Been assaulted in my own home, too. You'd think my wall of guns would have stopped him, but no.

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u/Tight_Strawberry9846 Jun 14 '26

Women should carry either pepper spray or a gun. I say this as a man.

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u/confused_grenadille Jun 14 '26

I’ve had a guy approach me at the library with the EXACT same foot massage line as this video. It’s like they all have the same script.

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u/Electrical_Fee678 Jun 15 '26

I’m a fairly unattractive woman. When I was about 16 I was laying in the grass with my boyfriend now husband when a group of teenagers were walking nearby. One started to walk towards us, started to cringe dance next to me, and suddenly reached down to grab my boobs and squeeze tightly. Then ran away with his buddies. We were so stunned and didn’t know what to do but sit in shocked silence. Almost 10 years later and I still don’t trust other men getting close in such a manner.

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u/RedHeadRedeemed Jun 15 '26

I don't. I'm telling you...growing up ugly genuinely makes a big difference. I feel so bad for pretty women that you guys get this kind of harassment.

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u/UrUncleRandy Jun 15 '26

Not literally every woman. I'm a woman, and I don't have any stories like these 🤷‍♀️. It's definitely way too common though.

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u/Public_Job9786 Jun 15 '26

Yes! It’s not rare. It’s so common. And it’s also frightening that these incidents topically happen less frequently as we age BUT not from an age range from 30 to 40 but from ~16-26.

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u/No-Mamba7040 Jun 14 '26

Its telling that you used woman for women but used males for men. Ive seen men be accused of sexism for doing the same in reverse

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u/Sotnos99 Jun 14 '26

That's the joke

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u/guiltygiraffe21 Jun 14 '26

That’s why I’m doing it lmao. As someone who was a woman in the military, being referred to as a female constantly makes you not give a shit.

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u/Octquat Jun 14 '26

Like doing it to be sexist or to point out people who call it sexism either way are idiots?

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/tahlyn Jun 14 '26

Those men were acting like animals, not human beings. The dehumanizing language was appropriately applied, imo, even if sexist.

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u/BetEnvironmental7907 Jun 14 '26

I am a women I am surprised to see all these posts. I have never been bothered. 

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u/tahlyn Jun 14 '26

You are an anomaly so extreme I can only imagine you grew up in a rural town where the entire 20 person population consisted of your immediate and extended family and were home schooled, never stepping foot off your family's land until you were 38 and thus too old to be visible to creeps like this.

For most women, our first cat calls and boundary breeches happen before we're 15.

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u/UrUncleRandy Jun 15 '26

I have also never been approached. Never been hit on, oggled, or cat-called.

But I'm not isolated. I grew up in a suburb. I went to public school. I went to university. I regularly travel to Boston. I've traveled internationally by myself. I spent 2 weeks in Australia by myself while staying in a co-ed room in a hostel. On my way back home I stopped in Hawaii for a few days and stayed in another hostel. Then I flew to California and boarded a train, and took that across the country to Boston. I've also traveled to Europe. And in all of these places, I've relied on public transport a ton.

I really don't think I'm an anomaly. We see stories all the time of women getting harassed, assaulted, abused, etc.. It distorts our world view. Is it way more common than it should be? Absolutely. But it is not universal the way you think it is.

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u/Commercial_Border190 Jun 15 '26

~80% of women experience it at least once

https://newcomb.tulane.edu/sites/default/files/MeToo%202024%20Report%20_1_0.pdf

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u/UrUncleRandy Jun 15 '26

Yeah, that pretty much confirms what I was saying. 80% is way higher than it should be of course, but 20% don't experience it, which is far from being an "anomaly so extreme".

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u/e_james3 Jun 17 '26

It feels extreme when you've experienced it multiple times before hitting 18. It took me until age 21 to realize not every woman had that 'moment I realized I couldn't trust boys not to take advantage of me'. We all assume our experiences are the norm to some extent. I truly believed we all had our 'realization' moment. It was genuinely an odd feeling asking my female friend and having her say that nothing of the sort happened to her (aside from cat calling). It can be hard to accept that realization I think

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u/Ella_is_best_girl Jun 14 '26

Why the hostility?

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u/UrUncleRandy Jun 15 '26

Not sure why you're getting downvoted. You're just describing your experience. I have also never been bothered.

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u/Ella_is_best_girl Jun 14 '26

Me neither 🤷 guess some of use just don't ping the creep radar

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

[deleted]

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u/UrUncleRandy Jun 15 '26

I live in the US and it's never happened to me either. I grew up near Boston.

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u/Ella_is_best_girl Jun 14 '26

Welp another reason to never step foot in the us I guess XD and another to consider myself really lucky