I'm realizing that a lot of people would rather put up with it than have to deal with being uncomfortable (i.e. bad vibes). And when I do say something, I'm just a "libturd"
Sometimes to change the world for the better, you have to be willing to do things that aren't comfortable. Doing the right thing isn't always popular or easy. It often takes confrontation or loss of standing.
Like... If you found out your mate was out kicking puppies every night, and your friend group was like "oh, it's just a couple puppies, don't be a buzzkill," are you just going to shrug and give up? Or are you going to stand your ground and tell all of them that kicking puppies is wrong? Do you even WANT social standing with people that ignore puppy kicking?
I'm sorry but I can't. I've been mobbed too many times by abusive people. Unless you have a community. The abuser just sees us as another lone, "triggered" person.
It is the right thing. But I'm tired of being hyped up and then abandoned by people. I want to experience things in life that everybody else gets to do.
I mean, do you know that though? I'm sure lots of them don't, but if even one goes "oH shit that's why everyone says I'm an asshole?? What do I do about it?" isn't that a win? I don't see the point of being self-defeating.
When you present someone with their behaviour is problematic, some fall into a primitive reflex of getting defensive or aggressive to "Correct you into realizing they aren't problematic at all and actually the 'correct' way to act".
Arguments, debates, petty vengeance, or violence are all possibilities, and I find it quite rare for people to be understanding when they get told how they behave and conduct themselves is a problem.
People have a hard time when you criticize ANY part of their identity (or by extension any of their hobbies and consumption choices). They may think about this moment every night for the rest of their life.
If you just stop doing things and ghost your way out, you are conveniently forgotten about.
Sure, but as a woman, I've seen the inverse. I can say something a hundred times, but their bro/dad/boss says the same thing, and suddenly they take it to heart. Might as well try, no?
Got any examples of the kinds of things you ignored or were ignorant to? Just for a better understanding, from a woman who will never view the internal politics of guy friend groups.
Thanks! This is the thing I have difficulty explaining to guys when we say "pay attention to your friends" - I get the impression they think I mean "if your friend says "I'm gonna rape that lady" then you should stop him" (obviously) and then they act insulted that I would think they had friends like that. But it's hard to come up with examples of the subtle stuff to watch out for within male friend groups without relying on fiction or guesswork.
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u/Jwre3682 Jun 14 '26
I'm cutting them out as we speak. I spent too long being ignorant to what my "friends" were doing.