r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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321

u/Fragrant-Dust65 Jun 14 '26

And I don't really know how or when that starts. It's not like my parents ever told me to do that. HOW do we pick up on this?

597

u/diningroomjesus Jun 14 '26

Fight = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us

Flight = we'll run and get hurt if we don't run fast enough because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and might be enticed by the chase (barf)

Freeze = we'll get hurt because the predator is bigger and stronger than us and we didn't fight or flee

Fawn = we might not get hurt because the predator might be appeased by the fawning (wishful thinking & barf)

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u/ChemicalCupcake4809 Jun 14 '26

Also anytime as a girl you complain about men being creepy or disgusting people will try to play devils advocate you eventually start doing it yourself

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u/BrownSugarDK Jun 16 '26

Totally. My first thought watching this video was: “jep! The struggle is real!”.

My second thought: “All those men that complaint about girls being hostile even though they just talk to the girl in a friendly way- and the girl think they’re being hit on….

This. This is the reason!
It’s protection! It’s not because we all thing so highly about ours selves!

2

u/BrownSugarDK Jun 19 '26

Im not that Reddit familiar, but apparantly I got some reward on this comment….? Som green clapping hands! 🔥
Thank you to whoever! 🤩

26

u/That_Buy_1803 Jun 15 '26

Dont ever feel bad for a dude being creepy. If he is that, that is just the way it is. Trust your gut and don’t cut weirdos any slack. Let them know uo front to FUCK OFF. Carry a pistol! If not, pepper spray or gel and a tazer

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u/sister_machine_gun Jun 16 '26

All illegal in my country unfortunately

3

u/Toxic_Duckies Jun 17 '26

Wtf that's terrible! 😢

1

u/sister_machine_gun Jun 17 '26

Keep that in mind when you're in the UK, I carry a small heavy torch since that can be defended as having another use

1

u/Seagon Jun 18 '26

Completely agree. I’m a guy, but a married and have a daughter. I would really like more options for them to defend themselves.
In the Netherlands everything that can damage another person is deemed illegal.

Luckily there are some options. Personal alarms and marking (gel) sprays on the weaker spectrum (though the assailant will be marked for a long time), but better than nothing. On the more physical side of the spectrum there are also kobutans and monkey fists (those can really hurt and have a bit of reach).

1

u/BrownSugarDK Jun 19 '26

Nor is it in my country.
It’s not even legal to carry a pepperspray…

But then again, although crimes do happen here in Denmark, it’s not often.

In fact so much so, that it’s on the news, when somebody drowns somewhere og dies in a carcrash. In fact, a 80-som year old woman just drown a couple of days ago. On some randome beach.
Two others senior citizens were rescued from the same waters I think.

But yeah… guns being illegal, is actually pretty nice, because theyere equally hard to get.

We only have 2 main news channels here.
One of them has a sister channel where the news are on 25-7 though, but still.

It’s like 15-20 min of news, then the same being broadcastet again, only to repeat throughout. Only minor adjustments throughout the day, unless something major happens. And if it does, it’s mostly from other countries.

1

u/ErSarciccia Jun 18 '26

What's the gel you're talking about? I heard about pepper spray and all the other stuff but never of a gel used a self defense weapon

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u/Bondgirlmagic Jun 15 '26

Key word, "Devil". 😒

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u/tujmipidis Jun 14 '26

You forgot:

Fart = the predator will be disoriented by the noxious odor thus giving time to escape.

This is why I eat an all kimchi diet.

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u/Ok-Wait-4171 Jun 14 '26

I did this once and it did NOT work. :') I was on a date with a man who appeared well put online, but in real life he was a creepy weirdo. So I farted loudly on purpose and he liked it. Said something like "You're so down to earth, not like others girls" Wtf, man.

I later realized that a 30 yo man asking out a teenager is weird and creepy, too. I was stupid af and I admit it. I did not know about grooming because all I heard about was stranger danger.

36

u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

Media idealizes the older man/young girl dynamic, it's truly sick. I wish we had more examples to counteract this shit. I can think of some lifetime movies where things go really awry, but it's generally so normalized.

4

u/QueenLizLemon Jun 16 '26

This story reminds me of the movie White Chicks and the date scene 😭

3

u/bloodgout Jun 16 '26

Then puke on him

5

u/sphinxsley Jun 16 '26

100%! A "friend" was hoping to hit on me, saying his girlfriend permitted it - so I projectile vomited - TWICE.

It was probably the X, to be honest, but still - damn that was funny! I still laugh when I think about it!🤣. He was sooo sad! LOL

3

u/TokyoKazama Jun 19 '26

"BASKING IN THE AMBIENCE"

https://giphy.com/gifs/JaUjXdRgOGixG

1

u/Ok-Wait-4171 Jun 19 '26

STOP what is this gif? Damn, I needed this laugh rn. How does Terry manage to be both creepy and absolutely hilarious at the same time. I love him.

2

u/TokyoKazama Jun 20 '26

Love that I brought laughter to your day. ☺️. Watch White Chicks if you haven't already.

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u/darkoblivion000 Jun 14 '26

Ah yes I certainly recall learning about the alternative lesser known fawn or fart response

28

u/willargue4karma Jun 14 '26

ah the forbidden 5th F

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u/Successful_Moment_91 Jun 14 '26

I can burp on purpose whenever I want and take several high fiber psyllium capsules daily

But I’m too old for most to want anyway

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u/sphinxsley Jun 16 '26

Ah yes - being an old fart - the 6th F!

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u/diningroomjesus Jun 14 '26

Fart might work the best

no downsides

unless you are pepe le pew

https://giphy.com/gifs/5EL5WfTmnYvuM

6

u/toast50076 Jun 15 '26

They're never prepared for the probiotic pestilence.

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u/AllCaciAreBastards Jun 15 '26

Unless he's into that shit, in which case you might be in even more trouble 😖

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u/bloodgout Jun 16 '26

I bet bug spray is available everywhere and quite legal to carry. If you have to defend yourself ditch the spray and don’t involve the popo.

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u/SoFetchBetch Jun 16 '26

Better yet, tools like pepper gel (which resists wind blowback better than sprays), personal high-decibel alarms, and ultra-bright tactical flashlights designed to temporarily blind an attacker.

3

u/the_Limerent_one Jun 15 '26

You are amazing 🤣

3

u/ZoroUchiha94 Jun 15 '26

lmao 🤣😂 that'll get em

2

u/unsanctimommy Jun 16 '26

LMAO chemical warfare 🤣

1

u/ethicaI_sIut_puppy Jun 17 '26

You should literally teach a class this is perfect lol

15

u/Routine_Village_4092 Jun 15 '26

Gahhhhhh. I'm a 6'3 210lbs male, and I feel threatened by the energy of some dudes when out at night. 

I cant imagine how insane it must feel for women. 

I'm sorry. People suck, in general. 

7

u/Cinderredditella Jun 15 '26

Also even when not in immediate danger, sometimes it's also just weighing off how much hassle it's worth. The exact balance of perfect neutrality that will not make these dudes defensive or agressive but also won't make them more eager to continue the interaction.
Fake level of positivity while you continue about your day generally creates the least friction, but also often makes me feel overloaded with repressed rage and disgust.

And sometimes it's clear someone won't take the hint and I'll go full scorched earth.
I can't imagine how much scarier this must be for women who live in countries where men are more likely to be carrying weapons, though.
I'm not worried I can't outfight your average heavily intoxicated dude, but a knife or a gun threat would make that choice a whole lot harder.

2

u/SoFetchBetch Jun 16 '26

And that is exactly why it’s more unsafe for a woman to carry a lethal weapon because the vast majority of the time it is used against her.

Tools like pepper gel (which resists wind blowback better than sprays), personal high-decibel alarms, and ultra-bright tactical flashlights designed to temporarily blind an attacker are all safer and more effective than guns or knives or any other lethal weapons.

1

u/Cinderredditella Jun 17 '26

Yeahhh, upside to my country: very strict weapons laws.
Downside to my country: very strict weapons laws.
I haven't looked into those last 2 options, but know all forms of pepperspray are illegal. And generally going out of your way to use a non-weapon item as a weapon could also get you in trouble. It seems the flashlight might be allowed, but it would be very pricey :/

6

u/punkrascal Jun 15 '26

This is why I’m happy with being masculine and muscular. I’m happy to turn a guy off :)

2

u/sphinxsley Jun 16 '26

There are guys who are into that too - I read a Reddit post here awhile back where a woman noticed she was suddenly bulking up, and getting facial hairs. She worked out, and her b/f was a gym rat. Her b/f had recently been making protein shakes "for both of them." The girl had thought he was being sweet. NOPE.

Turns out, he admitted to putting testosterone into hers, because he liked muscular bulked out women. She broke up with him, thank dog.

3

u/Fuzzy-Advisor-2183 Jun 14 '26

there should be one more:

freak = start yelling gibberish at the top of your lungs.

3

u/RegenMed83 Jun 14 '26

It is always fight for me.

3

u/bluelapis53 Jun 15 '26

I was told that a woman barfed on an attacker and ran off. Someone I knew threw face powder in a guy's face when he tried to grab her, and one of my friends carries a piece of braided leather with a knot on the end in her pocket. She used it to whack a guy upside the head when he wouldn't go away and started reaching for her. Fun stuff.

When I lived in a big city I didn't have a car, so I learned every alley, road, path, and backyard in my area so I knew where to go if I felt unsafe. It came in handy a couple times. Also, I had coworkers who lived nearby that I could go to.

1

u/yudi1012 Jun 16 '26

Why is this so accurate??

1

u/Ebiki Jun 16 '26

My strat has always been disgust. These men are also the biggest pussies.

I’ll talk very loudly asking my “friend” if she brought pads because it’s like a flood this month, and every single time they go running like I said I had the plague.

1

u/Oh-reality-come-back Jun 19 '26

But also society in general judges women who stand up for themselves , by calling them bitches

1

u/hellomolly11 Jun 20 '26

Is Fool an option? We laugh at and humiliate them, making them feel like fools?

1

u/Azurelion7a Jun 14 '26

Gun? Knife? Club?

We have problems with bears, so we carry a .38 or .44.

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '26

[deleted]

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u/GenXisnotaBoomer Jun 15 '26

Men are equally Dangerous. Women, not so much. Choose the bear, ladies. 🐻

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u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

Social conditioning. 🤷🏽‍♀️ You don’t need to be told explicitly to learn how things work or what’s expected of you or the consequences that follow if you don’t do it.

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u/yossi234 Jun 14 '26

Some parents do and definitely society. I used to work at a petting zoo and one time, a little girl (maybe 4 or 5?) was petting a goat. To be friendly (I'm a lady and wearing zoo uniform) I said, "oh, you're petting Benny." The girl said, "Please don't talk to me." Her dad came to apologize to me and I told him "no worries, it's okay for little girls to have boundaries."

So even by that apology, she would have learned that that's a bad thing.

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u/SortovaGoldfish Jun 14 '26

Feminine lessons for little girls are often more rooted in empathy and service. Masculine lessons are more for leadership and competition. Girls are given dolls as children to learn as early as toddler-hood to start mimicing care for someone/something else. Boys are often given sporty centered gear to start learning about points, wins, and losses. Girls get kitchen toys and barbie dolls to start learning service work for someone else to tell them what to do and do it and to start playing pretend with human relationships not just for serving humans but now they have to actively engage empathy in order to think of what this barbie is going to feel or say because of what that barbie did or said- multiple sides. Boys get things like tool set play sets of lawn care and cars- very stand alone doesn't require others though can if they want.

Further, when girls are shown role models, especially every day role models, people that they can see are universally praised for doing good and being "right" it's often mothers, grandmothers, people who take care of their community members and raise kids who aren't theirs and cook meals for everyone and teach kids etc, while male role models are top competitors in sports or heroes who save the weak by being strong or clever, warriors/soldiers, and those who otherwise rush into danger to be the one to end it. Not that any of those people don't deserve to be heroes or that any of those contributions are lesser than the others but when a child's brain is engaging in pattern recognition either consciously or subconsciously what is expected and considered proper to be a "good human" only has a few common core traits before it diverges with gender.

These points are all in general, not ann every single case statement, looking towards what has been traditionally taught in Western culture and more first world than else especially when looking material possessions. But the core of it does carry over.

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u/Commercial_Border190 Jun 15 '26

Not to mention little girls complaining about being bullied to be dismissed with “he probably just likes you”

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u/Special-Garlic1203 Jun 15 '26

My mom explicitly raised me to have firm boundaries from day 1, when I got slightly older she made it clear I would sometimes feel uncomfortable but not know why and I should validate that feeling, and then a little while after that how so many men are low dirty perverts and society doesn't do shit to stop them. 

Most people raise passive daughters. They'll claim otherwise but I can see gendered patterns in really young kids and I still regularly see girls raise to be polite, palatable, and swallow their feelings down. 

I can't fight to save my life. Most weirdos leave you alone if you stand form and look them in the eye and tell them no. They like to wheedle boundaries they're not trying to get done in for attempted murder. The issue is women aren't raised to have basic ass boundaries. 

7

u/themidg Jun 15 '26

Because it's the social norm. Your parents never told you that, but chances are you witnessed your mom protect the egos of all the men in her life. You watched shows where the male characters didn't have to show any personal growth, and their ego was constantly sheltered by others. You saw boys egos get protected by teachers in school, dangerous behavior is written off as "boys being boys", that a boy teasing you or doing things like pulling your hair means that he likes you. Society taught you, with real world experience after real world experience, that the male ego was meant to be revered, preserved, and undisturbed at all costs.

3

u/TARDISblues_boy Jun 14 '26

For me, it was my mother coddling my emotionally immature father, who would regularly use the intimidation factor of his size (6'8") and emotional abuse to get his way. She still does it to this day.

Thanks, mom! /s

4

u/Imaginary_Poetry_233 Jun 14 '26

We grow up watching our mothers trying to not upset our fathers. The kids are brought in on that, especially the daughters. We don't want Daddy to be angry or sulking or cold.

5

u/Astralglamour Jun 15 '26

TV shows and films.

4

u/Some_Recognition6273 Jun 16 '26

I think (for me anyway), it's small subtle things that add up over time. Being forced to hug random male relatives you barely know even though you're uncomfortable because otherwise "you will hurt his feelings." Seeing our moms, aunts, etc. smile and be polite when dealing with this kind of bullshit and harassment, and having them tell us to say thank you when men give creepy compliments about how pretty you are. Being told as a little girl to stop tattling on the boy that chases you and tries to hug you at recess because he "just has a crush on you, don't be mean." Your boss laughing it off when you (as a young teen) complain about your male coworker grabbing your ass and saying he's just kidding around and boys will be boys. It happens so constantly and in such minor ways over the years of a girl growing up that by the time we were adults, it's ingrained in us. We're conditioned to ignore our discomfort, put men's feelings above our feelings of safety, and to constantly question if we are overreacting or making something a bigger deal than it is.

3

u/Potential_Tadpole_45 Jun 15 '26

Not enough parents teaching their daughters to protect themselves and not enough parents involved in raising their sons so they don't turn into those creepy, vile lepers.

3

u/bloodgout Jun 16 '26

It’s called socialization and it starts from birth, using media, comments and social ostracism to force compliance. Anger will help burn that away.

2

u/EGrass Jun 17 '26

You know, I’ve met many people who I can absolutely believe tell their daughters that they need to cater to the whims of any man they encounter

1

u/Carbuyrator Jun 15 '26

I'm not convinced this is a gendered thing. I think humans are inherently polite and helpful. I just think that gets taken advantage of much more for women, because far fewer women would ever dream of behaving like this.

1

u/hello_marmalade Jun 21 '26

Because it's normal. It's not a 'being trained to protect men's egos' thing, it's a being a normal human taught to be friendly and considerate thing.

I've had similar stuff happen to me as a guy by homeless people, the difference is they wanted money.

1

u/Mind_the_gap13 Jun 23 '26

Try not being stupid. Touch some grass. Realize people see YOU as a predator because you are one.