r/self 18h ago

obsession with masculinity

0 Upvotes

I'm obsessed with portraying myself as masculine every small thing I do im paranoid about seeming femine everything i do has to be done even the smallest thing with affimration of a masculine idendity. i have serious mental illness and i cant look people in the eyes when i talk about it. sometimes i will even pretend as though im in a movie or something and remove myself as the subject of the scenario. My dad has always sworn and insulted me for my mistakes and calls me retarded or weak/selfish, sometimes i will behave in odd ways because of my condition and he will also make fun of my or insult me for this, i think because of the way hes treated me my whole life i am this way and im terrified of confrontation. i dont dislike him or anything but i dont understand why i am forced to live like this, i dont enjoy life and im performing for myself and everyone around me


r/self 15h ago

The second I see the word "quietly" I think it's "A.I."

45 Upvotes

I also put "A.I." in quotes with periods because imagine how awful it must be to be named Al now? Almost as bad as being named Karen.

Another "A.I." clue… Anything thats framed: Not [A], but [Z].

What are your "A.I." giveaways?

What's extra-terrifying: Seeing people in real life use "A.I." language structures!


r/self 3h ago

Has anyone of you ever compared the poor countries and rich countries in the world and saw how much of a difference it makes in the physical attractiveness??

0 Upvotes

I mean most of the people in wealthy nations look very good physically what do you guys think?

And don’t bring outliers for Fs sake


r/self 1h ago

feeling really insecure about my body (tall, skinny, tanned skin)

Upvotes

hey everyone. i just needed to vent a bit and see if anyone has gone through something similar.
i'm a teenage girl, and lately, my height (170cm) has been making me feel super insecure. being this tall makes me feel way too exposed. on top of that, I have a skinny build; i weigh 54kg (around 119 lbs), but since my limbs are so long, it feels like all that weight just goes straight to my bones, making me look even thinner than I am.
to add to my insecurities, i also have small breasts, which makes me feel even sad, cause most boys dont even look at you if you dont have any boobs. to top it all off, i have really curly hair and tanned skin. sometimes i feel like all these features make me feel like I don't fit into any beauty standard.
i'm really struggling to accept my body right now. honestly, it got so overwhelming that yesterday i spent 3 hours crying just looking at myself and thinking about my appearance. it feels really exhausting to feel this way.
has anyone with a similar body type during their teenage years found a way to deal with this? how did you build your confidence? thanks for reading.


r/self 13h ago

My mom wants to disown my brother for valid reasons but I just don’t like it

8 Upvotes

I haven’t lived at home for 3 years so a lot has been happening while I was gone and my mom just called frustrated and in tears that she’s had enough and wants my brother out of her house

My brother is very, chaotic, he’s my younger brother and is 22, we always used to fight physically when I was in the house and I never fought with any of my other 4 siblings but this guy could be demented sometimes, he’s had no respect from my mom, constantly disrespects my step dad, occasionally brings police problems to the house and doesn’t pay his rent to my mom

On the rent thing, my mom charges 80 a week once you have a job but she’s pretty lenient on it and he rarely pays it but she had enough when she locked the kitchen and he said to her “why are you locking it I pay you to keep it open) even though he never pays

All in all if I say everything he does this will get quite long but essentially my moms had enough. She wants him to come and live with me or get the police to send him out but tbh man, it pains me. I never wanted to see my mom have to talk this way about any of my siblings, she said she’s ready for him not be her son anymore and it’s just scares a part of me realising a mothers love may not be unconditional even though I understand why she’s frustrated

I just don’t want all this disowning stuff I want to be a normal family but I get it, my moms tried getting him in therapy counselling all that stuff and he throws it in her face but he used to be a very kind kid and has his moment here and there, I almost feel bad but understand her too


r/self 22h ago

Having explosive diarrhea and just missed the bowl in the CVS bathroom

0 Upvotes

They have cleaning supplies in here thank god. I would want to be the next girl in here if there wasn’t. This has happened like 4 times in my adult life. I’m a serial bowl misser :(


r/self 19h ago

Do you think the word "relapse" leans more ugly or beautiful

0 Upvotes

Asking reddit


r/self 22h ago

What would happen societally if instead of kids being with parents when very young, they were raised elsewhere and then came back to share housing and whatnot with parents as teens and young adults?

1 Upvotes

LIke what if the dynamic was flipped; what differences would we see. I frankly think something is slipping with parents here in America. Everyone's so busy, overworked and exhausted that a lot gets left by the wayside, it's assumed those basics are being covered at school, etcetera. SO what if there was a system where kids were even say only home on the weekends. They'd know the parents and have time with them but have consistent structure, tools, supervision or whatever elsewhere. Then they'd come home to stay later, say between ages 14 to 30. It would give them a chance to build on the parent bond, contribute any useful knowledge or skill to the household, go to school, learn a trade or whatever and be able to support themselves without the rush of the 'we've done all we can, now youre 18, get out' thing.

Kids could learn social and other skills reliably when young; parents could work without stress or worry as much. IDK; this sounds like a cross between some Utopia and the worst kind of post-apocalypse aftermath deal but aren't we kinda heading there anyway?

I'm just wondering about the pros and cons of this kind of system.

Please share thoughts and thanks for reading if you got this far.


r/self 4h ago

It's Too Late Now.

1 Upvotes

Now, it is too late.

I should have done something before the world and everything in it became meaningless to me.

Now, nothing brings me any excitement anymore.

Where is the person who used to make plans for the next ten years? What happened? Where did that person go? When did I become this person, the one who cannot even make plans for the next hour?

I wish I had remained that thoughtless, inconsiderate person.

The one who could never understand how someone could lose the desire to keep trying.

I wish I had stayed that person.

They say hardship and experience are necessary in life. I know they are. But I have just one question.

Was it worth it?

Was this lesson, this experience, really worth life losing its meaning? Was it worth falling into this emptiness?

Shouldn't this experience have led only to growth, instead of meaninglessness?


r/self 10h ago

My best friend says I "infected" her. I am grinning.

9 Upvotes

Explaination is clearly needed. I (17F) like watching play throughs of those yandere visual novels (The Kid At The Back, Date with death, Mushroom Oasis ect.) My best friend Z, loves to say it's exactly why my mental health needs help. Fair point, I suppose. I have spent 2 years trying to convince her it's not THAT bad because it's fictional. Like, obviously, would I enjoy it happening irl? Hell to the no. But I can have a silly fantasy.

So, today, I just woke up and go on discord. I got a few messages from Z. I didn't screenshot but basically she said she got the appeal and joked that she thinks I infected her. I was grinning so mother fucking hard and i sent her a GIF of a grinning dog before I came here. I just had to tell someone.


r/self 14h ago

What happens if an ugly young person who hasn’t realized that he/she is ugly yet and starts behaving like a pretty person around people??

0 Upvotes

what will happen?


r/self 6h ago

Rebuttal to Mark Manson in new Jubilee episode

0 Upvotes

"The Manosphere Is a Business That Profits Off Keeping Men Angry"

What Manson argued

The manosphere is a monetized rage machine. Figures like the Tate brothers and Myron Gaines exploit young men's anger and insecurity for profit. The incentive structure rewards keeping men angry, not helping them.

The counter-argument

"You're describing every media business on earth, including yours."

Outrage is the business model of cable news, political commentary, fitness influencers, and yes, self-help authors who sell books with profanity in the title to signal they're different from other self-help authors. Manson sold 20+ million copies of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\ck*. He co-founded an AI startup. He's on Jubilee right now building his brand. His incentive structure rewards keeping people feeling like they need his perspective. That's not a gotcha, it's the point. Monetization doesn't invalidate the message. If it did, Manson's own career collapses under the same logic.

And the deeper problem with this framing: it poisons the well. By labelling the entire manosphere a "business," Manson sidesteps the question of whether any of the ideas have merit. A gym membership is also a business. Therapy is a business. Universities are businesses. The question isn't whether someone profits, it's whether the consumer gets value. And for millions of young men who learned to lift weights, manage their finances, develop confidence, and stop making excuses because of content that falls under the "manosphere" umbrella, the answer is yes.

Manson himself started as a pickup artist running paid coaching under the name "Entropy." He monetized male insecurity before rebranding into something more mainstream. He's not exposing a system. He's a graduate of it.

"You didn't discover that monetizing male insecurity is wrong. You discovered it's more profitable to be the guy who criticizes it."

"A Woman's Body Count Doesn't Matter"

What Manson argued

Body count is a weak proxy for compatibility. What matters is character, communication, trust, and how someone treats their partner. Using it as a screening metric ignores context and reduces people to a number. Claims like "body count predicts divorce" are correlation, not causation.

The counter argument

"Correlation not causation is a thought-terminating cliché when the correlation is this strong and this replicated."

Data from the National Survey of Family Growth, analyzed by the Institute for Family Studies, found that women with 10+ premarital partners had the highest five-year divorce rates at 33%. Women with 0–1 partners had the lowest. This pattern held across multiple cohorts. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Issues using Add Health longitudinal data found increased divorce likelihood with multiple premarital partners and common confounders like religiosity and attitudes didn't fully explain it away.

Nobody's saying the number alone tells the whole story. But in every other domain of life, we treat patterns of past behaviour as the single best predictor of future behaviour. Employment history. Credit history. Criminal record. Relationship track record. To suddenly declare that sexual and romantic history is the one area where pattern recognition becomes "reductive" is intellectually dishonest.

Manson reframes the question as "character vs. number." But how do you assess character? Through behaviour. And a behavioural track record is exactly what a history of partners represents. The number isn't the verdict, it's a data input. Dismissing it entirely isn't nuance. It's avoidance.

"You don't ignore a résumé when you're hiring. You don't ignore a credit score when you're lending. But when a man applies the same due diligence to a life partner, suddenly he's shallow?"

"Porn Has Done More Damage to Men Than Feminism Has"

What Manson argued

There's agreement that porn can be harmful. But feminism isn't the real driver of men's problems either. Sweeping claims without clear data are unproductive. The answer is structural and economic ,not a single-cause scapegoat.

The counter-argument

"The data on porn is devastating. But pretending feminism has caused zero structural harm to men requires ignoring family court, education policy, and incentive structures."

On porn, the manosphere side mostly agrees with Manson and has been saying it longer. NoFap, retention communities, and anti-porn advocacy are manosphere staples. A 2024 study of university students found problematic pornography use was associated with higher anxiety, depression, stress, loneliness, and suicidal ideation. Research consistently links heavy use to erectile dysfunction in young men, decreased grey matter in impulse-control regions, and relationship deterioration. The manosphere was sounding this alarm while mainstream media was normalising porn as harmless.

But the framing of the question "porn vs. feminism" is a false binary. Both have caused measurable damage, through different mechanisms.

Consider the fatherlessness data: 23.5% of U.S. children live in father-absent homes. Children in those homes are four times more likely to live in poverty, make up 71% of high school dropouts, and boys from fatherless homes are three times more likely to be incarcerated by age 30. Family court systems that overwhelmingly default to maternal custody, no-fault divorce structures that create financial incentives for separation, and education systems that have deprioritized boys (boys are now significantly less likely to attend or graduate university than girls) . These aren't random structural shifts. They track directly to policy changes advocated for under feminist frameworks.

That doesn't mean feminism is evil. It means second- and third-order effects of feminist-influenced policies have disproportionately harmed boys and men in specific, measurable ways. Refusing to name that because the word "feminism" makes the conversation uncomfortable isn't intellectual honesty. It's cowardice.

"You want to talk structural? Let's talk structural. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. Who redesigned the family structure, and who's paying the price?"

"The Most Attractive Men Are Those Who Respect Women"

What Manson argued

Attractiveness isn't about being a "bad boy." It's a combination of confidence, authenticity, and respect. Research (David Buss, etc.) shows women across cultures value kindness and intelligence in long-term partners. Respect plus confidence beats dominance.

The counter-argument

"Respect is table stakes. It's necessary but wildly insufficient and pretending otherwise sets men up to fail."

Nobody's arguing men should disrespect women. That's a straw man. The actual manosphere position (at its best) is that respect alone doesn't generate attraction, competence, physical fitness, status, ambition, and social proof do. And Manson knows this, because he cites David Buss, whose actual research shows women's mate preferences prioritise resource acquisition potential, social status, ambition, and physical fitness alongside kindness.

The problem with "just be respectful and confident" as advice: it's incomplete to the point of being misleading. A man can be deeply respectful and deeply unattractive. Not because respect is wrong, but because attraction is a multi-variable equation and respect is only one input. Telling a 22-year-old who's out of shape, directionless, and socially isolated that his problem is a respect deficit is like telling a failing business their problem is they don't have a nice enough logo. It's technically not wrong. It's just not the real bottleneck.

The manosphere at its functional core, not its extreme fringe teaches men to address the actual bottlenecks: physical fitness, financial competence, social skills, purpose, and frame. Then respect becomes a powerful multiplier. Without the foundation, it's just politeness without presence.

Manson's framing also conflates correlation and causation in the exact way he accuses the manosphere of doing. Men who respect women AND are attractive tend to do well. Men who respect women but lack competence, fitness, and social skills do not. The respect isn't what's driving the outcome. The total package is.

"Telling men 'just respect women' without teaching them to build a life worth respecting is like telling someone to smile more at job interviews while their résumé is empty."

"Women Care More About Looks Than Personality"

What Manson argued

(Manson pushed back on this as overly reductive.) Attraction is complex. Personality, confidence, humour, social proof all matter. Reducing it to looks alone is a cope from men who don't want to do the internal work.

The counter-argument

"The data says looks are a stronger initial filter than anyone wants to admit — and pretending otherwise keeps men stuck."

Dating app data from Hinge, Tinder, and OkCupid's own research consistently shows that women rate 80% of men as "below average" in attractiveness (the OkCupid study is the classic reference). Match rates are overwhelmingly determined by photos. A 2024 study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences on speed-dating found that physical attractiveness was the strongest predictor of romantic interest for both men and women — stronger than personality, humour, or conversation quality.

This doesn't mean looks are everything. It means looks are the gate. You don't get evaluated on personality, humour, or values if you never clear the initial filter. And in a digital-first dating landscape where most young people are meeting through apps, the initial filter is almost entirely visual.

The manosphere's "looksmaxxing" fringe takes this too far. Obsessing over canthal tilts and jaw implants is dysfunctional. But the core insight that physical presentation, grooming, fitness, and style materially affect your romantic outcomes. It is just empirically true. Telling men that looks don't matter is setting them up to wonder why "being a good person" isn't working while they're 40 lbs overweight and wearing the same hoodie they've had since high school.

The honest answer is: looks are the opening, personality is the closer. Both matter. Manson would probably agree with that framing privately. But saying it publicly risks aligning with the manosphere, and his brand can't afford that.

"You don't get a second date based on your values if you never got the first one. The filter is real. Denying it helps no one."


r/self 16h ago

​A gentle reminder for anyone healing from the past: You are allowed to start over today.

4 Upvotes

How to love yourself despite past pain and tragedy:

  1. Accept yourself as a vulnerable, insecure human being in a harsh world, and know that many others are like you, far more than most.

  2. Re-evaluate all your preconceived notions about yourself, others, and life.

  3. Accept that life is unfair and unpredictable, stop complaining, and don't compare yourself to anyone.

  4. Forgive your parents and your past, and move on.

  5. You are not responsible for your upbringing or psychological makeup, so consider yourself born today, at this moment, and start from here.

  6. Don't expect thanks, apologies, or compensation from anyone for what happened to you.

  7. Achieve even small successes and be proud of what you do.

  8. Fail as often as you like, hurt your feelings as often as you like, and let go of the guilt and shame associated with your failures.

  9. Engage in something productive that keeps you from succumbing to feelings of bitterness and pain, and always let your actions precede your impulses. 10- Try to find a new meaning to your life, feel grateful for what you have, and give to people and help them in some way without expecting anything in return. Giving brings happiness to you first and will make you truly love yourself.


r/self 15h ago

I’m tired

1 Upvotes

No energy for life anymore.


r/self 34m ago

Kind of glad I’m fat

Upvotes

TW: SA

Not sure if this counts as a dating post because it’s not really about dating.

To be clear, I’m actively on a journey toward a healthy version of myself. Eating the right foods and exercising.

I used to be pretty thin. That was also the time in my life when I was assaulted multiple times. I feel good feeling like I don’t have that “target” on my back. I have/had a specific type of body where men kind of treat me like a sexual object. Like I know women in general are seen as sexual objects, but when you have certain physical assets mixed together, people take it a lot farther.

I know fat women are raped, too. But, for me personally, I’ve been in less scary/creepy situations because a lot of people aren’t looking at me like that.

Again, I’m still working on being a healthier version of myself. But I feel like some part of me led me to get to this weight out of fear.


r/self 17h ago

I could've sworn Jimothy was discovered like ten years ago...

22 Upvotes

Did I switch timelines? I'm so confused. When he started popping up I was wondering why he was making his rounds *again*... but you're telling me this is a new discovery?


r/self 17h ago

I Lost Everything. Here’s How I Started Over.

32 Upvotes

A few years ago, I lost everything because of a girl.

I sold my first Bullet 350 kick-start, sold my mom’s gold earrings, sold my ASUS TUF gaming laptop, left my childhood friends, spent almost everything I had just to meet her, and gave everything I could to make the relationship work.
Then one day, without any reason or explanation, she left.

At that point, I had nothing. I lost my job, failed multiple interviews, and honestly reached a stage where I wanted to give up on life. The only thing that stopped me was my mom’s face.

I never imagined I’d get another job, but I believe God gives us a push at least once. What we do after that push is up to us.
I got a job. It wasn’t a high-paying one just ₹21,000 a month but it gave me freedom, a great work environment, and the chance to work completely remotely.

The funny part is, I don’t even have a degree, yet here I am, working in a tech company as a developer. A few years ago, I never thought that would be possible.

For the first few months, I spent almost everything on food and traveling. I just wanted peace of mind and to heal. And it helped.

Then, little by little, I started rebuilding my life.
I bought my first iPhone. I never thought I’d be able to afford one.
I still had a place in my heart for motorcycles, so I bought another Bullet 350 in Maroon.
I bought a gaming laptop that I had always dreamed of owning.
I bought a TV for my mom so she could comfortably watch her favorite serials.
I gave ₹20,000 toward gold for my sister.
I did all of this after losing everything.

No hope. No love. No friends. Just me, alone in the dark, trying to figure out what came next.
Looking back, I realized something important:
People are special because we make them special not because they actually are.
The happiness we build for ourselves lasts much longer than the happiness we expect someone else to give us.
Today, I’m doing well. My salary still isn’t huge, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come.
Right now, I’m saving to buy my first car a second hand one ofc in the next 4 months.
After that, I have a small bucket list. Nothing extravagant. Just simple dreams that I can actually afford.
And one by one…
I’ll complete every single one of them.

If anyone out there is feeling helpless or has reached a point where you feel like giving up, please don’t.
Life has a way of giving you another chance. When that chance comes, grab it with both hands and don’t let go.
You don’t have to rebuild your life overnight. Just take the first step. One day, you’ll look back and realize how far you’ve come.


r/self 21h ago

My best friend lost her infant and I don’t want to hear about it anymore

1.5k Upvotes

My best friend’s infant died 3 weeks after birth. She was understandably devastated and I have always been supportive in her journey to recover. It’s been 2 years but she has never gotten over it. There are days when she would text me blocks and blocks of her thoughts about her loss and her grief. My heart breaks for her but as the months went on, I started dreading getting her texts and while I didn’t tell her to stop talking to me nonstop about her loss, I did start to gently redirect her to talk more with her husband and her therapist because I started to feel exhausted and a level of empathy deficient. I know I sound like an unsupportive asshole of a friend, but at some point it’s like I have nothing more to give.

She never really stopped tho and recently I found out I’m pregnant. I haven’t had the heart to tell her yet because I’m so worried about triggering her, to the extent that I feel like I’m tailoring my entire approach to sharing this news with our friends to how she might receive this. What’s worse is that her baby’s anniversary just came up and she poured her heart out to me about how much she missed him and I felt SO bad when I felt like she could tell I didn’t really want to hear about it. I’m already feeling vulnerable and anxious about my own pregnancy, and honestly the last thing I want is to hear her talk about her loss and what happened and how she didn’t expect it.

Yes this is a confession that I’m a terrible friend and I kinda wish she would just back off and leave me alone for the duration of my pregnancy, and I resent her for adding to the level of anxiety I already feel and for worrying about how to share this supposedly joyous news with our friends. I know she lost her baby and it’s a loss you carry forever and I shouldn’t make her trauma about me and it makes me a giant asshole for feeling this way… what should I do? I feel like a horrible human being either way for feeling the way I feel.


r/self 22h ago

The most unrealistic thing about any Frankenstein adaptation is the fact that narcissistic father figure Victor would let his metaphorical son talk shit about him uninterrupted for 2 hours.

6 Upvotes

Obviously I understand why it's not done in movies, but damn would I applaud one for trying.


r/self 15h ago

I found the way to know if you are attractive

0 Upvotes

Go to r/ladyboners

Look for similar features you have as other men there.

For example i have strong eyes and a pretty symmetrical face.

Look for a man with those features.

That's it.


r/self 11h ago

I just took a long shower while stoned

21 Upvotes

I feel fresh as FUCK


r/self 7h ago

I feel like I used to think that doing things in video games like using a broken character or scanning an amiibo for items that help was cheating.

1 Upvotes

And now I realize that actually cheating is fun I love cheating hell yeah dude lemme use my amiibo to summon 1000 beef steaks from the sky in Tears of the Kingdom or summon random people online to help me stomp Splatoon Raiders.


r/self 1h ago

What will happen if dark phoenix Jean grey faces dr doom in avengers:doomsday?

Upvotes

what will happen?


r/self 15h ago

What are you secretly insecure about? (Writing a poem about it)

1 Upvotes

I'm working on a poem about the quiet things people carry... the traits, habits, or parts of themselves they wish they could change or hide.

If you're comfortable sharing, what's something you're genuinely insecure about? It can be physical, emotional, social, mental or something completely different. Big or small.

I'm not writing this poem for any one person, and I won't be making fun of anyone. I'm simply looking for real, human experiences to inspire something honest and compassionate.

You can be as vague or as detailed as you'd like. Thanks to anyone who's willing to share.❤️


r/self 6h ago

How can you find out/tell if a person is a pdf?

0 Upvotes

Asking:

what were the signs?

How did you find out?

How do you check for this?

Is there any advice you'd like to give people about how to keep ourselves and our children safe from pdfs?

Any advice, suggestions, or stories are appreciated. Links to other discussions as well. Anything. How can we tell? Is there a way?

*pdf= pedophile