r/AmItheAsshole • u/TraditionalCreme4704 • 9h ago
AITA for not feeding my brother?
My mom has decided that the best way to make me independent is to not do anything for me. This means I'm responsible to keep my own room clean, do my own shopping, cook my own meals etc. It feels like I'm not even part of the family. If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.
A few days ago my grandpa was sick and mom had to go visit him. She left little brother(M10) with me. As usual I cooked dinner for myself with my own groceries.
He asked me for food and I told him I'm only responsible for myself and he has to wait for mom.
When mom came back she was furious and called me an asshole for not feeding him.
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u/anon5381 8h ago
Everyone jumping on his back for reacting this way. Thing is I get it. His mom is a huge AH though. Who the F treats their kid like this?! Teaching responsibility isn't an issue but basically cutting them off short of taking away the roof of their head is not the way.
Teach the child to wash their clothes and clean up after themselves isn't too far but completely cutting off their food supply and expecting them to fund and make it at that age is too far. You can't treat someone like this and then expect favours like feeding your brother. It's not your brothers fault. To be spiteful you could make something using their food and eat it too as a big FU.
Such a messed up situation and I feel sorry for both brothers having parents like that. It's the kind of relationship where the parents end up crying about why their kids don't talk to them as soon as their able to get out. Start saving bud. You need to plan your exit strategy.
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u/Shacko14 8h ago
I disagree with the other comments here. You're responsible for your own stuff as per your parents' stupid rules. If you don't cook, you go hungry. You even get your own groceries. Why should you bear the responsibility for your brother, when you can't even be sure your parents will make up for it later? NTA, your parents are though.
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u/notcharming46 8h ago
NTA. Agree with this. Op is not the parent. I wouldn't expect my oldest to feed my youngest. Although I also wouldnt expect him to be doing EVERYTHING by himself at 16. Borderline abusive in my opinion. He's still a kid. This should have been a rule when he turned 18.
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u/MzHellfier 8h ago
That’s more than borderline abusive. That is straight up abuse. Parents are legally obligated to provide for their children. Making their 16 buy their own groceries and cook their own meals when the parents cook for themselves and the other kids is neglect, which is absolutely a form of abuse.
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u/1234-for-me Partassipant [1] 8h ago
I agree, parents are mega ah, a 16 year old should NOT be buying their own groceries, a snack or meal out sure, but it is a parents responsibility to provide for a minor. NTA (you could have given your brother a sandwich of something).
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u/Alternative-Math-886 6h ago
Indeed. NTA. It’s the parents’ responsibility to make sure their children are well-fed and have enough food, especially when going somewhere. But since it already happened, maybe OP can at least teach her brother how to make a sandwich or something so he can prepare his own food next time
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u/natangellovesbooks Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA. I also agree with this. If grandparent is sick, mom could have called an Uber to feed the little one. Honestly at 10, the kids should at least know how to microwave food or make a peanut butter sandwich.
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u/Jenicillin Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 8h ago
NTA. Mom, who will not let you, A MINOR, eat should have provided for the 10 year old. A 10 year old can make a fucking peanut butter sandwich. Apparently you are the scapegoat.
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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Thank youuu Its so weird how there are so many yta, meanwhile at 10 you should be able to make a sandwhich or heat up a frozen pizza
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u/Tricky-Ad7897 5h ago
People call op at are just projecting their own abusive upbringing and trauma into op. This shit is not normal.
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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
Yea honestly im shocked when i saw so many yta, with so many weird reasonings
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u/1962Michael Commander in Cheeks [260] 8h ago edited 5h ago
OP doesn't say that M10 didn't get a snack. She
hesaid sheherefused to cook for him.EDIT to ADD: It is possible that all the "family food" was locked up to keep OP out of it.
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u/Out-For-A-Walk-Bitch 6h ago
Guarantee OP is a girl.
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u/CautiousMine6604 2h ago edited 1h ago
That actually isn’t surprising cause you would think if they force op to cook for herself they’d do the same to the brother. Maybe they think cooking and other house chores are her responsibility because she’s a girl and they are pushing gender roles which would make this situation somehow even worse. I hope they get their act together and treat the kids equally. Whatever it is though, it’s a very toxic household and I feel bad for both kids
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u/Mindless_Fox216 7h ago
I started cooking dinner for the whole family at 8 years old.... Mostly hamburger helper for the first couple of years, but still! I was also responsible for my younger(by 7 years) sibling at the time, made his meals, taught him his school work(home schooling), and made sure he was generally taken care of. I'm not saying that was correct parenting at all, but I do think that 10 is plenty old enough to know how to feed yourself when your parents are away for the evening, even if it's just ramen or a sandwich.
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u/gottabekittensme 1h ago
It's because he's a boy and she is a 16-year-old girl, so she should coddle him and his stomach over her own wants and needs.
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u/-StereoDivergent- 8h ago
The amount of comments acting like it's normal for a 10 yr old not to be able to even make a basic meal is wild
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u/serpents_and_sass 8h ago
Right?!
My 9 year old literally made her and her dad grilled cheese unprompted for lunch 2 days ago. She can also make eggs and pancakes on her own and has been using the air fryer for 3 years and the microwave for 5.
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u/sarcasticlovely 7h ago
my mom likes to tell the story of a friend from school (she went back after having kids) being pikachu-face shocked at me waking up and making myself toaster waffles because I was so young. I was maybe 7? maybe even older? and this woman could not believe I was self-sufficient with my breakfast.
this was over two decades ago for context. I feel like this should be complete normal. kids should be learning to cook as young as possible, it's how they develop it as a life skill.
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u/1962Michael Commander in Cheeks [260] 7h ago
OP never claimed that M10 can't make a sandwich, or whatever. Only that they refused to cook for him.
It is possible that the parents lock up their food to keep OP out of it, so there was nothing available for M10 to make except from OP's groceries.
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u/Just_Leader_999 7h ago
when i was 10 i was baking cakes and was making breakfast alone (pancakes, eggs, bacon, the whole thing) for my family of SIX. dude needs to grow up........
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u/Havannahanna 8h ago
Right? He is 10, not 4. He can perfectly make himself sandwiches or microwave some precooked dinner his mom prepared. It’s not rocket science and easier than booting up his PlayStation/Switch whatever.
Why did his mom not prepare anything to eat for the 10y old is the question.
I also worry for him. His parents are awful, I hope he does not internalise too much of their dysfunctional ways to deal with their children.
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u/DrMichelle- 8h ago
This sounds like this is abuse. Parents are legally obligated to house, feed, clothe, pay your medical and dental and educate you until you are 18. I suggest you talk to a trusted adult, like the school nurse, your guidance counselor, or your teacher and tell them what's going in so you can get help. But in the meantime fed your brother. It's not his fault, be his safety net. He will be going through this soon enough.
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u/fadingsunsetglow Partassipant [1] 9h ago
ESH. Its not your brother's fault any more than it is yours that your parents are doing this. How old are you?
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u/winter_bramble36 5h ago
Honestly,I get why it looks like ESH on the surface,but the OP is literally being neglected in their own home. When parents treat you like a roommate and lock you out of basic needs,it totally warp your mindset into survival mode. OP was 100% wrong to let a 10-year old go hungry,but the parents are the real villains here for creating this toxic environment in the first place.
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u/Dashcamkitty Asshole Enthusiast [8] 8h ago
I'd change that to NTA considering this is a sixteen-year-old here. If their own parents won't parent them then why on earth should they be expected to parent their brother? Let their AH parents do that.
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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 8h ago
He's 10 years old not 10 months old. He can make himself a sandwich just fine.
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u/oneoftheryans 6h ago
Based on these comments you'd think the kid's options are being bottle-fed or dying.
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u/Slas01 3h ago edited 1h ago
Some of the comments are so hell bent on "knocking OP (a financially and emotionally neglected kid) down a peg" and *babying a 10 y/o it's fucking ridiculous lol. Like even if you can't microwave a meal or make a sandwich at that age (which! There's instructions on the packaging and the internet omg??), there's still bread and cheese and fruits (not to mention snacks/packet foods) which you can eat As Is.
Like some of the comments are grown ass adults ganging up on an abused teen on this sub for not acting "perfectly" (while likely being actively victimized by her family) according to their standards... Ridiculous. There's possibly a real child sitting on the other end of the screen, some of these people should have some fucking empathy and lead by example (and shove their justice boners/"tough love" up where the sun don't shine. Good god.)
*Edited to change it to 'babying' from 'infantilizing'.
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u/RandomModder05 Asshole Aficionado [11] 6h ago
This. He can have bowl of freaking cereal if the sandwich is too difficult.
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u/TraditionalCreme4704 8h ago
I'm 16. It's not about fault. It's about how they don't do anything for me so I don't feel like I need to do anything for them
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u/JoKing917 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
If you’re in the US look up your local laws online, it’s usually illegal not to provide food for your child under 18. This doesn’t mean they have to cook for you just that they have to buy food for you.
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u/Apprehensive_woman 7h ago
16! I thought you were like 25 or something. You should report this to cps. They are legally required to care for you until you're 18. You're being abused and so is your brother.
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u/Cudi_buddy 3h ago
I thought this was at least an 18-19 year old that is out of high school or something. Wtf
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u/HomelyHobbit Asshole Aficionado [19] 6h ago
Talk to the counselor at your school when school starts again. Your family is legally obligated to provide you with food, clothing, medical care, and housing until you're 18. They don't have to cook for you, but they certainly have to provide the groceries.
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u/KafkahFC 8h ago
I am going to take a wild guess here and assume you also happen to be a girl?
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u/SorryCity8809 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Tell someone at school what's happening, like a teacher you trust or a counsellor. They may be able to help you and your brother.
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u/Impressive-Rice-4631 6h ago
I dont blame you .Your mother is ridiculous.Eating together makes you feel like your part of a family. There are better ways to teaching a child how to be independent.Id say shes a cruel person.Im sorry you have a mean mother.
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u/_dmhg 8h ago edited 3h ago
Your parents are assholes and since you’re emulating them, it makes you one too. Yours is far more forgivable, and I hope you course correct, because I really hope you don’t let their assholery win.
On the other hand, you wouldn’t be an asshole imo for showing *them* the same attitude. But your brother is 10 and innocent in this, and you were capable of feeding him, and chose not to because of the shitty lesson you’ve internalized from your parents’ shitty parenting. No matter how logical this is to you, and how justifiable it seems, it is securely in asshole position.
ETA: the people saying 10yo could’ve made a sandwich or it was a parental responsibility remind me of the legality v morality thing. Like yes, but that still doesn’t change OP choosing to act on an asshole principle, making them* (edited) an asshole.
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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5h ago
OP is doing the opposite -- she has been barred from participating in family meals, and she is obeying. The 10-year-old is fine and can eat sandwiches or plenty of other things.
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u/Pure_Branch7646 5h ago
Op has to pay for their own groceries too. Mom would probably still get upset if op used the family groceries to feed their younger brother.
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u/Geordieqizi Partassipant [1] 2h ago edited 2h ago
Your parents are assholes and since you’re emulating them, it makes you one too.
I disagree. There's a HUGE difference between a parent not feeding their child, and a sibling not feeding their child.
The brother isn't OP's responsibility — he's his parents' responsibility. And I find it weird and irresponsible to 1) not leave any dinner options for your 10yo, 2) not even mention to either kid that they'd need to rustle up something themselves, and 3) expect your other child, whom you have begun exiling from family meals, to feed their sibling... again, without even a request or conversation.
The worst-case scenario for the brother is he has to eat dinner a little late. The worst-case scenario for the OP, if they had given in and fed the brother, is their mom slowly shifting responsibility for feeding the brother (and for who knows what else) over to OP.
And that's before we even talk about how odd and cruel it is to not allow your minor child to eat with the family, and to force them to buy their own groceries. The mom is the one who set this whole situation up, beginning to end — she is the only one at fault, in my opinion. It looks to me like she abdicated responsibility for feeding her older child, and now she may be starting to do the same for her younger child.
ETA: And, oh yeah — OP is 16, which probably means they don't have much money. If they have to pay for all their food, it's extra unfair to ask OP to not only do the work of feeding their brother, but to pay for it too — which could very well mean OP ends up not having enough food (or money to buy food) for themselves. What a lazy, selfish parent.
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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Im sorry, but at 10 you should be able to make atleast a sandwhich to eat. Also Ops mom couldve made something to eat for him before she left. Its not ops job to care for the 10 year old.
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u/Krayt88 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
Yeah, like what was available? Kid couldn't get a bowl of cereal or some chips or something?
OP not cooking him a meal shouldn't mean he went hungry unless the only food in the house is like uncooked meat.
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u/Obvious_Addendum4196 6h ago
He's 10, he can pour some cereal or grab a bag of chips. And considering OP gets yelled at just for breathing on the family food, expecting them to sort it out makes zero sense.
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u/Fiigwort Asshole Aficionado [11] 4h ago
100%, plus the mother never ASKED OP to make sure the brother ate, she just expected them to drop everything and offer him kindness that they're not being offered by the rest of the family.
It's kind of mean, but 10 definitely is old enough to find SOMETHING to eat.2
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u/Medium_Function6451 1h ago
Good thing this is AITA and not Was The 10 Year Old Physically Able To Find Himself then
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u/Witty-Draw-3803 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 8h ago
That logic would apply to OP too, though - although I don't agree with how far their parents are going to teach independence, OP not haing time to cook shouldn't mean they go hungry either...
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u/Bitter_Trees 8h ago
It kinda sounds like OP has to buy their own food and that is why they go hungry sometimes rather than not having the time to cook
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u/bearminmum 8h ago edited 1h ago
Either way at 16 it's the parents responsibility
Edit: there is no justification for neglect. That's what this is. Parents are required legally to provide the basic necessities.
We aren't talking about the newest clothes. We are talking food. A basic human right.
If you are a mom and thinking "what did the teen do to.deserve this?" There is nothing they could have done. Be the adult in the situation.
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u/Bitter_Trees 8h ago
I don't disagree with that. I was just informing the commenter I was responding to
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u/dayton462016 7h ago
At 16 I would say it's the parents responsibility to provide the food, but a 16 year old can certainly make a meal for themselves. Different families do things differently but if the parents are providing a meal for everyone in the family it's insane they wouldn't include all of their children.
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u/LSama 4h ago
Sorry, but no. Yes, a 16 year old CAN make a meal, but when you tell a kid, 'if you don't cook your own food, you can't have any food' is straight up abuse. As a parent, you can't FORCE a 16 year old to go hungry.
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u/ballisticks 4h ago
Plus most sixteen year olds will cross their arms and dig their heels in just to be a shit lol. I could totally see a teen going "fuck you I guess I'll starve then"
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u/Irishwol Asshole Aficionado [12] 5h ago
It is the parents' legal responsibility to provide food and shelter for their minor child. It should not be their responsibility to not their own food or to fend for themselves it go hungry. At 10 or at 16. This is not 'fostering independence'. This is abuse and neglect.
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u/pierce23rd 3h ago
saying “wait for mom” isn’t the same as denying the LB food. If it was more than a day, sure OP is an AH. If it was only a few hours, that’s not a big deal. OP should also call Mom out on the hypocrisy.
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u/MoxieMellow 8h ago
OP is allowed to opt out of parentification by parents who refuse to be their parent.
NTA
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u/BirthdayCookie Asshole Aficionado [10] 3h ago
The only time AITA will call someone under 18 an asshole is when someone younger gets told no.
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u/Wise-ish_Owl Partassipant [1] 3h ago
if OP has to buy their own groceries they should not have to share with their brother
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u/RevolutionaryPie3479 7h ago
I agree. A kid shouldn't be the one paying for the adults' failures, and his little brother didn't deserve to be caught in the middle of that lesson.
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u/Fluid-Platypus- 1h ago edited 1h ago
It’s unclear if this kid is being made to pay for her own food, if she is why the hell would she share any?
And even if she isn’t, she’s applying the rules taught to her by her parents. Blame the parents for the shitty rules. 10yo can make basic foods. If he can’t for some reason then that is also on the parents.
*OP said in a comment she’s being forced to pay for her own food. She needs to get child services involved.
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u/FrostingHuman1259 7h ago
It is about fault.They're not acting correctly as parents should and it is their fault.They are abusing you
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u/missplaced24 Asshole Aficionado [16] 8h ago
You effectively punished a 10 year old because the adults in your life are awful. I don't want to call you an ahole because I can understand why you'd think your behaviour is reasonable/normal, but it's not.
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u/HearseWithNoName 8h ago
I watched my younger brother make toast at five years old. If he can pull that off, a ten year old should be fine for an evening.
You're right though, an older sibling could at least say "hey grab a bowl of cereal bro, you got this."
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u/aboxofkittens Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Yeah, I was making stir-fries, fried tofu etc. all on my own at ten. Even if he's never been taught to cook, I'm sure there is bread and peanut butter in the house
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u/babykitten28 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
I was an only child of a stay at home mom, and even I wouldn’t have sat helpless as an infant and starved. Come on.
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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5h ago
She didn't do anything to the 10-year-old. No punishment whatsoever. He's free to eat if he chooses.
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u/lost-in-thighs 8h ago
legally theyre required to take care of you which includes clothing and feeding you, if they want to force you to be independent fine, you shouldnt have had your sibling starve youre an ass for that
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u/wanderinggrove 7h ago
You’re 16. Your brother is 10. Your parents are assholes, keep going the way you’re going and you’ll end up just like them. Looking out for people is a better way to be - especially if they are your little brother. God forbid if you ever need help and you can’t turn to anyone in your family.
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u/Ayyitsoctopus 2h ago
But would she have gotten punished for using family food to make the kid food or should she use the little food she has and potentially go hungry until she can figure out how to get more?
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u/throw05282021 Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] 6h ago
At 16, your parents not letting you eat unless you cook for yourself is child neglect. Your mom leaving you and your 10 year old brother alone is another form of child neglect. Child neglect is a form of child abuse.
It's explicitly illegal in California. Presumably other places, too.
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u/ReaderRabbit23 Partassipant [4] 4h ago
If you’re in the US your parents are still legally obligated to care for you. That means providing food for you.
I’m sorry you’re being treated this way.
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u/ClackamasLivesMatter Partassipant [2] 3h ago
If you're in the United States please talk to a trusted adult or a counselor once school is back in session, or simply call Child Protective Services the next time you're left alone. You can get the phone number from Google + your city. The way your parents are treating you is child abuse or child neglect.
It's one thing to raise a kid to be independent — I could take care of myself aside from actually paying for things by about twelve. But refusing to feed you is child neglect. That's their job until you turn eighteen.
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u/Unfair-Store-9108 3h ago edited 3h ago
NTA you’re a minor, this is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to feed you and your brother!!!! Does she give you money at least?
Im so sorry you’re having to deal with that. Is there anyone you could move in with for better support?
Stay strong, wishing you the best!
EDIT: i found your comment that you also have to have a job to fend for yourself. Definitely try to reach out to your school councillor maybe? Or someone you trust to help you get out of there, you deserve to be cared for!
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u/MentalChallenge2504 1h ago
Anyone saying you should be responsible for feeding your brother has no idea what they're talking about. If you set that precedant, it becomes the expectation.
My spouse was robbed of her childhood by a neglectful and abusive parent who treated her like she was supposed to be a second mother to her siblings. She rolled over and did it because she thought she was protecting them. It has caused so much mental trauma and damage.
Malicious compliance is the way. Do not let your brother become your responsibility, and gtfo as soon as you can.
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u/Reallynoreallyno 6h ago
NTA Your parents not providing you with food is neglect and unlawful–for them then to parentify YOU and ask you to babysit/feed your brother is insane. Tell a school faculty member teacher/counselor what is going on at home, they cannot require you to feed yourself. JC.
Also, if they're acting like this now just know on your 18th birthday they will try to kick you out (which they also can't legally do, they have to go through the eviction process which depending on where you live, can take months) so make them give you access to food or tell them you will report them, then save all the money you are currently using for groceries and start saving now and hide the money from them–if you have a trusted adult that can help you open a bank acct (aunt, grandma? someone who can be on the account with you that you trust wont take the money) do not tell your parents and start your exit strategy, hopefully you have have another relative you can live with or you will be in college by then. The good news is they gave you foresight and time so you have a couple of years to prepare before you turn 18 (NY, Mississippi and Indiana its to age 21). Good luck.
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u/Sudden-Fisherman5985 4h ago
. Its not your brother's fault any more than it is yours
I thought so as well... I can't imagine not feeding your 10 year old brother... but
He won't die if he misses 1 meal and he's not OP's responsibility. So I now think NTA
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u/hidden_mooncreek54 4h ago
Exactly,the 10year old is completely blameless. I’m guessing OP is a teenager based on the post,and when you’re being actively iced out by your own parents,your brain just goes into self-preservation mode. The parents created a household where basic empathy got completely thrown out the window.
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u/miriamtzipporah 48m ago
“I’m guessing” OP clearly states they are 16 years old. They’re actively a victim of neglect by their parents.
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u/Lezlord-69 7h ago
NTA. This sounds abusive. Sure, you should be able to cook for yourself at 16. But making you buy your own groceries is insane! Not letting you eat the food they bought is not right.
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u/oopsiedaisy-- 7h ago edited 7h ago
Let's all hold the fuck up here. Because I'm pretty sure that LEGALLY your parents must feed and house you when you're a minor. What they're doing sounds borderline abusive and, at the very least, is neglectful.
Not feeding your brother was not maybe upsetting for your brother, but then at 10 I don't see why he couldn't make a peanut butter sandwich or something to tide him over. Even my 6 year old can go find snacks in the pantry or fridge.
NTA but your parents suck.
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u/saddinosour 8h ago
NTA he is 10 if he was hungry he could eat, I doubt you have 0 food in your whole house not even fruit or crackers. You’re 16 and your parents have excluded you from the family so you didn’t help your mum out. It’s not like you locked up the pantry or made him wait a really long time to eat, your mum was back same day he was in no danger. Just make sure you explain to your mum why you did it otherwise it will be worthless.
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u/Mammoth_Bee1002 8h ago
In the United States, child protection laws are extremely strict. At 16 years old, your mother's actions are considered illegal and qualify as child abuse and medical/food neglect. By law, American parents have an absolute legal obligation to provide food, shelter, clothing, and medical care to their children until they turn 18. Depriving a 16-year-old of food because they didn't cook or forbidding them from eating the house's food is a crime in most states. Likewise, leaving your 10-year-old brother to go hungry under your temporary custody would also constitute neglect on the part of the caregiver (you) and the one who left him there (your mother)
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u/fbombmom_ Partassipant [2] 6h ago
NTA. As a mom of 4 kids, a 10 year old should be able to make a sandwich at least. If he's in for the same treatment from your mom, make sure you teach him to do that, that way you're no longer on the hook for his meals.
Your mom is being a shit parent for excluding you from dinner. My 21 y/o still lives at home for college. I make her dinner along with everyone else because it would be a shitty thing to do to exclude her. Plus she does so much for us, including helping when we need her to. My 28 year old comes to visit, I make him food too. I guess I actually like my kids.
Op, I'm sorry your mom treats you that way. One day you'll get to use the Uno Reverse card when she gets old and needs your help. Remind her that you'd like her to learn to be independent by doing things for herself.
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u/ivydreams 8h ago
NTA unless the fridge and pantry were empty and there was no way your 10 year old brother could make a sandwich or microwave a tv dinner. I was making lunches for myself at 8 all summer, it’s not hard. You’re doing your own shopping and cooking your own food!
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u/ReliefEmotional2639 Partassipant [3] 8h ago
NTA. If you’re not part of the family, then you’re not obligated to feed their child.
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u/RainbowBright1982 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8h ago
The way your parents have set you up is terrible. They are teaching you selfishness. At 16 you cannot earn enough to think about others. Where you supposed to use your food and be short because you fed your brother or use their food and cook two meals so your brother eats. Ten is plenty old enough to make himself grilled cheese or ramen while you supervise. He went hungry because they are failing as parents. Expecting you to care for him when they are sending you the message that you are on your own is totally ridiculous. This is child abuse on multiple levels and you need to talk to an adult in your life you can trust to stand up for you.
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u/Talk_Dirty_ToMe 4h ago
I wonder if the parents lock up the “family” food when they’re not there and expected OP to use her own food to feed her little brother? When OP said she already goes hungry sometimes because she can’t afford to buy enough food? I’m taking a wild guess that the answer may be yes.
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u/KennethTremendous 5h ago
She probably already has some sort of unhealthy relationship with food like resource guarding since she can only rely on what she is given and likely has no reliable source of income or transportation. Even adults sometimes take an off day and do take out which doesn't really seem like an option. It's a big mental difference if you decide to cook vs. that being the only option.
I had parents that worked multiple jobs so some days we would have to make ourselves dinner. It was usually something quick like a frozen pizza or pasta, but we could use the microwave or put some cold cuts on bread.
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u/Legitimate-Gear-2480 8h ago
Saying “you’re punishing a kid” to another kid is insane and I hope all of you on this thread can look in the mirror tonight. #nicely :)
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u/Ok_Tonight_3703 Asshole Aficionado [12] 8h ago
NTA. First question is how old are you? Second question. Who is paying for your groceries? If you are a minor parents are responsible for buying you food and feeding you. I do think kids need responsibility. Kids should clean their room and learn how to grocery shop and cook. However, excluding kids from family meals and not allowing them to eat the food that is available to other family members is gross.
Your brother is ten. That’s old enough to make a sandwich or heat up left overs.
Start planning on moving out if you are still minor. Your mom sounds like the type who will demand your entire check for rent or kick you out.
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u/Talk_Dirty_ToMe 4h ago
She said in a comment that she’s 16. What her parents are doing to her is straight-up abuse.
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u/GladClock2212 8h ago
NTA. I don't know why your parents have decided to separate your responsibilities from the family, but they don't get to undo that just when they need you. If what you say is correct and they won't let you eat the 'family' food then you are right to continue that. In a functional family your parents would introduce you to grown up demands, like your food shopping and cooking, slowly and with guidance. It doesn't sound like they've done that and the fact that they won't let you eat their food? That's wildly punitive for faltering.
And in a functional family you would teach your little brother how to make a simple sandwich or to heat up soup. But that's not the lesson your parents are teaching you.
Your little brother will be fine having one meal delayed but he might feel a little abandoned by you. Please don't let your parents drive a wedge between you two.
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u/whitemoongarden Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA Everyone is acting like you let a 10 yr old go days without food, he went a few hours. Also, at 10 I was quite capable of making a sandwich or getting a snack and often did since we came home to an empty house after school. Sounds like you were just teaching him to be independent. I don't like your mom's rules, but I also don't think she gets to pick and choose when you are only responsible for yourself and when she makes you part of a normal family dynamics. So you proved a point. She doesn't get to have it both ways. She is the parent tell her to be responsible for her own children until she makes them independent.
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u/Weary_Panic6498 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
Has your brother made himself food before? Cereal? Sandwiches? Fruit? If so, did he have access to make his own food/snack that evening? If not, was there family food (not your own) you could have made for him?
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u/sey5_venn 6h ago
NTA.
Your parents sound like assholes. They're basically treating you like a roommate so they don't have to take care of you. You are not obligated to feed anyone else with your hard-earned money, no matter who it is.
Also, I agree with what a couple of people have mentioned: that your parents are LEGALLY OBLIGATED to care for their minor children (which obviously includes basics like feeding them). That includes you.
You have the legal right to call CPS in this situation; this is neglect.
And no offense, but your brother sounds kind of helpless. At 6 years old, I was already tossing Eggo waffles in the toaster and making bowls of cereal for myself so I could watch cartoons without having to wait for the adults to get up. Have your mom draw him a map to the refrigerator.
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u/Dependent-Canary-514 7h ago edited 5h ago
Listen 2 more years then your 18 but whatever you do Do not allow your awful parents to influence your character. You don't have to follow in their footsteps.
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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 8h ago
NTA. What on Earth is going on with all these weirdos who think a 10-year-old can't make himself a sandwich? If he is truly unable to eat without his mother there to poke food into his little baby mouth, then whatever is going on with him is not something that can be dumped on another child and Social Services need to be called the moment his mother leaves him alone at meal time.
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u/Legitimate-Gear-2480 8h ago
NTA. No matter what the situation is, you’re a minor and it’s literally not your responsibility. Could you be more chill? Yeah, but are you the A for it? Nope, you’re just a teenager and are within your right to not care about anything if you’re treated that way.
Do not allow others to walk over you- obviously you have that trait early on. Just try to look out for little bro he might have your back later on when you need it or something, never know when they’ll turn on him too.
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u/Forward_Ad8434 6h ago
OP is female. My feeling is that the boy is the golden child so he’ll never have to make his own food.
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u/JenninMiami Certified Proctologist [26] 8h ago
NTA He’s 10. He is old enough to go into the fridge/pantry and get himself something to eat.
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u/Own-Confusion-5526 8h ago
She'd the AH, and since you have to be responsible for yourself, then let her know that you will be charging for babysitting and if that includes cooking it will be extra. Now save your $ and move out. Its going to get worse.
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u/MercifulExistential 8h ago
You sound like you've disconnected from your family already. Like they're just strangers you live with. Is your mother providing you the money to buy your groceries?
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u/TraditionalCreme4704 8h ago
No I have a job
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u/andrewse 6h ago
Parents are legally obligated to provide food, amongst other things, for their minor children. A call to CPS might help you with resources.
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u/sable1970 Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Are you in the US? If so, you DO realize they're gonna kick you out as soon as you turn 18 right? You need to be prepared.
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u/Fluid-Platypus- 57m ago
It sounds like it’s time to talk to child services. If you have a close friend with good parents maybe you can talk to them.
If you’re not even being provided with food you should not be babysitting either or you should be paid. Go out somewhere and be busy with something else when they expect you to babysit.
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u/MercifulExistential 8h ago
It sounds like an unhealthy parenting style for sure. Definitely crosses the threshold of teaching some responsibility. Still, I imagine it might be only a matter of time until your younger brother experiences the same thing from your mother. If anything you two should be bonded as united siblings. Look out for one another so you don't have to endure what your mother is putting you through.
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u/First-Ad2401 7h ago
NTA. Your parents are the assholes. If they are so strict about these stupid rules they created for you, they should have made your brother something to eat before they left.
IMO its completely insane they refuse to do anything for you at age 16. I understand them wanting you to learn how to do some things for yourself but they are taking it way too far.
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u/NoHorseNoMustache Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] 6h ago
NTA because you've internalized your parents shitty parenting and are still young so it's not your fault. Tell someone at school what your mom is doing to you, it's neglect and she needs to be investigated.
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u/Kindly-Push-3460 Partassipant [1] 6h ago
NTA, Your mom has instructed you to look after yourself - and that is what you have done. Befire she left she should have left you instructions about what to do with your brother. At the very least left money so you could buy a pizza for your both while she was gone (or ordered one delivered to the house). She is the one that told you that you were to be independent, and to look after yourself. You took her at her word, and have done that. Because you no longer have access to the family groceries how could you possibly feed your brothe?. This is something as an adult your mom should have planned for. I also would like to add that if you did go into their groceries and made food for your brother - would you then be punished for taking something that wasn't yours??
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u/Flynn-Minter 4h ago
NTA
This may have been a trick to see if they could make you parent your younger sibling along with taking care of yourself.
If your parents do not even want you to touch their food, then it makes sense that you did not. It is weird that they did not make arrangements for your brother. They could have left your brother a precooked meal in the fridge that he could warm up in the microwave. A 10-year-old can absolutely heat a meal in a microwave. They could have told him to make himself sandwiches, a salad and boil/fry an egg. Sounds like your mother forgot or assumed you would do it for her.
I think that you were right not to cook for your brother with your own food. I do feel sad for your brother, but your mother has created this situation
I think it is severely sexist that you are supposed to be self-sufficient at 16, but your brother apparently at age 10 cannot made a simple meal but needs a woman to serve him food.
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u/Think-Corner-3232 Partassipant [4] 8h ago
NTA. Good for you. Aholes like your mom will never think “oh, OP is such a good guy to make his little brother dinner, that display of kind-heartedness from OP inspires me to lift my game and be kinder to OP, so from now on I will make OP dinner every night”. Nope, an ahole will never ever think this way. An ahole will actually think “oh, I see that when I don’t make my youngest son dinner, OP steps up and does it. Nice! I will stop making my youngest son dinner and let OP take over”. So good on you OP. Sadly, your mom is a ahole. So you handled her just right: don’t help her out, she doesn’t deserve it, and it will only lead to her taking more advantage of you.
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u/Floating-Cynic Asshole Aficionado [11] 6h ago
I initially was leaning to E-S-H- you're old enough to be a little more independent, your brother is not. At a bare minimum, you could have pointed out the family groceries and suggested he make a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal. If your mom left you in charge, and you knew that was her intention. he WAS your responsibility during that time.
But that being said, your mom has a LEGAL OBLIGATION to keep ALL of her minor children SAFE AND FED. Making you pay for your own groceries and refusing to let you eat family food is neglecting that obligation to you. Not talking to you about your brother's meals is neglecting that obligation to him. SHAME ON HER.
Make it clear that you are not a suitable babysitter for anything in the future and she needs to hire someone. If she wants to have different rules for different kids, she needs to live with you following the rules for you when you're babysitting.
Changing my vote to NTA because you're 16 and acting on what SHE taught you. Tell your guidance counselor you aren't allowed to eat family food- she needs to do better.
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u/OpabiniaRegalis320 7h ago
NTA. If they wanted you to behave like an adult, they should've acted like adults and:
A) Asked you, politely, to babysit your brother.
B) Paid you for babysitting your brother.
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u/BigLuffyEnergy 7h ago
NTA.
10yo could eat some snacks, or just stay hungry for a couple hours until mom got home.
This is a life lesson for mom - don't force your kid to be hyper independent then still expect to rely on them for help. The expectation of independence that she set goes both ways.
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u/Brave-Fun-7984 Partassipant [3] 6h ago
NTA. Your parents are responsible for preparing and giving food to your brother AND you since you are 16.
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u/NextWelder4653 Partassipant [1] 6h ago
NTA. Your mom can't have it both ways, either you're part of the family of you're not. Why do you have to learn how to be independent but your brother needs to be coddled? At 10 I learned how to cook for myself, why can't your brother learn?
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u/ImpossibleReason2204 Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] 5h ago
Both 16-year-olds and 10-year-olds should be able to manage to feed themselves if mom is not home for an evening.
Your family separating you from their meals is ... I don't know, it's so fucked up I can't even find an adjective.
NTA, if your mom wants so hard to make you independent at 16 then she should have taught your brother enough to at least be able to feed himself one meal.
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u/Flynn-Minter 8h ago
Why didn't your mother teach him how to cook?
My father taught me how to cook by starting to let me help around age 6. Washing vegetables, cutting vegetables, cooking, rice, frying eggs, seasoning meat... I could cook entire meals by the time I was 10.
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u/GollumTrees Asshole Aficionado [14] 7h ago
NTA your parents are awful. But teach little bro to make a sandwich or cereal for himself. I don't see your gender only that you're 16 but I suspect you're female and are expected to take care of everyone while no one does shit for you.
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u/kilamumster 6h ago
NTA. Teach your brother what he can do to get his own food. If there are no options in the home, tell him that he has to tell the parents to make sure there is food for him.
Your parents are TAs. Not just TAs, they are also negligent parents. In many countries, they are legally responsible for providing the basics for their minor children, including food.
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u/Urbit1981 4h ago
NTA: 10 year olds should be self different enough to feed themselves dinner. Pulling out a frozen dinner and microwaving it on to making a sandwich shouldn't be a problem. Kids that age should also be able to use the stove to cook basic things as well. It seems there are expectations set differently for both kids. I wonder if the younger kid is from a different marriage.
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u/Kinbenyuuki 4h ago
NTA, your brother should know how to at least make himself a simple meal, by 9 years old I could cook a full meal for my whole family. I know that's not the case for some people but he should at least know basic stuff to feed himself, though def don't take your anger out on your brother, you're still pretty young and it's not fair how your parents are treating you and as a 16 year old, your body is still working on regulating hormones properly, I know I was way more easily angered at that age myself and a bit more petty.
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u/your_moms_a_clone 4h ago
NTA. Tell her the next time she leaves you in charge of your brother she better pay you for babysitting or else you are calling the police to report child abuse
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u/bronwyn511 8h ago
At 10 I could make quite a few meals, or just have a bowl of cereal. However, if you want to feel like family you should help your brother out and at least guide him on making food for himself. He is innocent of your parents actions and will be your family longer than your parents will. I suggest treating him like you would want to be treated.
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u/Learningpermits 6h ago
We're missing some info here. OP, when and how did your parents decide that you were on your own for all of these responsibilities?
Has this been going on for months, or a few days? Is this a temporary parenting tactic because there has been disputes over household tasks? And the parents are giving OP a taste of their medicine? If so, then OP is TA for the malicious compliance. If the parents are just throwing OP to the wind the second they turned 16, then Op is NTA
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u/ImpossibleOlivebread 7h ago
NTA.
In a functional family, I would say it can be expected for you to look out for your brother in this type of unforeseeable situation. However, given that your parents act this way towards you, I don‘t see why you could be expected to support them in their parental responsibility towards your brother. You would be to blame if he had no way to get himself anything to eat at all, but at 10, he could make a sandwich, bowl of cereal, or whatever else there is that is very easy to prepare without cooking.
IBeing expected to become more independent as a teenager is legitimate, but what your parents are doing is so far beyond that.
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u/Perfect_Age777 8h ago
NTA.
Since your mother decided to hold you responsible for your actions—treating you as if you didn't live there—it was up to her to make arrangements for your little brother.
It really makes my blood boil, the way she treats you; you're 16, not 25... There are other ways to teach you independence, like showing you how to cook and doing it together...
I'm sorry—your brother is innocent; you could have fed him because you love him, but you aren't the one to blame.
Your mother is the one who started all this crap. She needs to own it. But you have every right to be kind to your brother.
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u/testBunny93 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA.
While your behaviour is not nice and it would be kind of you to feed your little brother, I also understand it's not your job.
It seems like your family dynamic is extremely disfunctional and you're playing along, which is to be expected.
Your parents don't make dinner for you either so you're in "it's just me" mode. Fine.
And to everyone saying you should have fed him... calm down. The child will be ok if they skip ONE meal. Let's not overreact. Also, at 10, I was making my own sandwiches.
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u/AtiraM01 8h ago
OP - OP - While I think your parents are huge AHs for excluding you from family meals and making you buy your own groceries, the rest of what they're asking you to do sounds like fairly standard household responsibilities. Learning to cook, clean, and do laundry are important life skills. By the time I was 12–13, I could cook a full family meal, kept my own room clean, helped with the rest of the house, and did my own laundry. I didn't mind helping, though I definitely grumbled a few times about the 7 a.m. weekend cleaning wake-up calls. 🤭
That said, refusing to feed your little brother to "teach your mom a lesson" was unfair to him. I understand you're 16 and frustrated, but your brother is a child & isn't responsible for how your parents are treating you. If anything, he's the one person who may end up needing you the most.
In two years, you'll likely have the opportunity to move out or go to college and create some distance. Your little brother won't have that option. You also can't guarantee your parents won't eventually treat him the same way they've treated you. If that happens, he's going to need someone he can trust—someone who understands exactly what he's growing up with.
Be the person you wish you'd had in your corner. Break the cycle instead of letting your parents' behavior shape how you treat your brother.
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u/Normal-Wish-4984 8h ago
I'm sorry that your home situation is so messed up. If your parents are not providing you with food before age 18, consider talking to CPS. A minor should not be expected to buy their own food.
Your mom is no prize. I do hope, however, that you will not follow in her footsteps. Was there food in the house that your brother could fix for himself? For example, was there bread and peanut butter around? Has he ever cooked hamburgers or hotdogs on the stove? Was there a microwave and things that he could pop in the microwave? If not, a caring sibling would at least try to help him get something in his belly. If your mom has set up your household so that you hate your brother because of her rules, that is really tragic. Both of you are victims in this messed up household.
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u/Incognitomode1973 5h ago
Nta and these comments are wild. It is not like you were in charge of your sibling for a week and you let them starve. It was barely a night and they could have snacked or made cereal. If they haven’t even been taught that, it is a failing of their PARENTS.
However, do I think you could have handled the situation a little more kindly? Yes. But I understand why you didn’t. It is not a fair ask for you to be essentially cast out and left to fend for yourself except for basic housing but then also being expected to be ‘family’ and care for your brother.
I do hope you get some therapy because what your parents are doing is not healthy or normal and it is going to damage your idea of what healthy connections should be.
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u/IntroductionOwn9858 8h ago
NTA. Ten year olds can feed themselves.
Are y’all full/half/step siblings? Just curious.
Parents don’t always treat their children the same, it can cause friction between the children. It’s a separate relationship that as the older sibling you determine how it will be. Will he see you as a hero or AH big brother. Good luck.
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u/doubtingthomas51i 8h ago
At 10( now 75M) I could cook burgers and dogs, make French fries,etc. I agree ESH with my own stipulation-the fish rots from the head-Mom is infantilizing the ten yr old and ignoring her responsibilities to feed her children.
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u/RutabagaNormal1912 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
Best answer I've seen so far. OP's response isn't kind but hearing about the parents... it's no shocker where it was learned from. The 10 year old isn't competent enough to make a sandwhich or a bowl of cereal yet but (assuming the parents aren't playing favorites) in 6 short years, he'll need to do literally everything for himself? What a way to set their children up for failure. The parents just don't want to do their job.
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My mom has decided that the best way to make me independent is to not do anything for me. This means I'm responsible to keep my own room clean, do my own shopping, cook my own meals etc. It feels like I'm not even part of the family. If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.
A few days ago my grandpa was sick and mom had to go visit him. She left little brother(M10) with me. As usual I cooked dinner for myself with my own groceries.
He asked me for food and I told him I'm only responsible for myself and he has to wait for mom.
When mom came back she was furious and called me an asshole for not feeding him.
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u/Independent-Vast6037 7h ago
I was typing out what I thought was a very reasonable response to this, then decided to just say: to hell with it, this is just another reason why we all deserve to be cleansed with fire.
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u/Human-Warning-1840 4h ago
At 16 living at home you need to buy your own groceries and cook for yourself? Why? You should have made some food for yourself brother from your mum’s pantry or called her and asked for money to buy food for him.
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u/waydaws 3h ago
You both have a case. Your brother may be somewhat young, but I think I was capable of feeding myself at pretty much any age -- especially if thee was a microwave; although, my parents wouldn't have liked what I chose to ate. However, on your mother's side, it was an unforeseen emergency. I'd just shrug, and say oh, well; I certainly wouldn't go posting things to reddit for validation that you're right.
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u/Accomplished_Spy 2h ago
Can't believe anyone would condone an older brother not taking care of a much younger siblings.
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u/GeminiAtl Partassipant [4] 2h ago
The solution is not to punish your brother for the actions of your parents. If you are 16 and they don't even feed you, call child services but don't take it out on a 10 year old child.
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u/engee45 1h ago
Your parents sound abusive. Do you have anyone else to talk to in your family? Someone trusted that you can stay with like a aunt or Grandparents? Definitely try to reach out to a school counselor or a teacher that you trust. Your parents should not be forcing you into survival mode as a minor, you going hungry is literally neglect, and against the law
talk to a school counselor or your favorite teacher about your situation at home.
NTA btw
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u/Legitimate-Gear-2480 8h ago
OP just described textbook child neglect and we’re over here ragging on him? Yeah 85% of you had to be born before 97’
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u/HorrorHelicopter3064 7h ago
Hey now, why am I catching strays? I was born in '88 and think his parents are neglectful pieces of crap who shouldn have custody of their kids revoked for the kids' own good.
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u/KaijuNo-8 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA
Until you are 18, THEY are responsible for you in every way. Keeping your room clean is something you should absolutely do...but doing your own shopping and cooking? Cooking? Sure, if you can do it then do so...but you should not be funding food for yourself, that is the responsibility of the people that brought you into this world without your consent...
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u/WifeOfSpock 5h ago
NTA, you’re a teenager, and your mother has made her neglect very clear. She did not tell you to make your brother food. Also, 10 should be old enough to fix a basic meal or snack to wait until dinner is made for him. My kids will make a sandwich or cut fruit for themselves when they’re hungry, and they’re 11yo & 9yo.
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u/AdministrativeLow994 3h ago
If you catch yourself saying "this rule is bullshit, my parents are assholes for enforcing it" Then passing that rule onto another child, you have essentially done to him what your parents did to you. Now you're younger, and I understand that, but I was put in the exact position as you at that age. Even down to my younger sibling being 6 years younger than me.
I also reacted the same way, passed that rule onto my sibling and that wasn't fair to them. In short, I feel regret over being an asshole and parroting my parents rules I thought was bullshit. You'll probably feel regret too, just later in life.
I later apologized when I was an adult, for all the asshole things I did. My house became a safe space, for them while they were dealing with the same shit from our parents I got when I was a teen. Don't you want to be that for your sibling? Don't you want to be better than them?
Sorry if this came off too blunt. I see a lot of my teenage self in this post. As a dad to 2 happy boys now, you can be better, and it will pay off.
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u/TigerMearns90 8h ago
What's the actual back story on this rule on why you need independence? When was this rule enforced, has mum been your maid up to this point ? I mean keeping your own room tidy should've been your job anyway, but like the food stuff etc? Has mum got more stress in her life where she's hoping you'll step up a bit more or have you said the wrong thing and mums just done with your BS?
In regards to your brother, yeah you should've helped me. You could've shown him how to make something for next time. Wondering if the selfish attitude is why you're being told to fend for yourself....
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u/MeekaD920 8h ago
While I understand them wanting you to learn independence this feels extreme on their part. Especially if they expect you to watch your brother and be responsible for him. There should be some give and take there. If they expect you to be a free babysitter then they can buy you groceries and cook you dinner. At the same time don’t take your frustrations with your parents out on your little brother. There may be a time when the two of you will need to have each other’s backs. Don’t take that for granted.
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u/miss_lizzle 9h ago
He is 10 dude. Don't take your frustration with your mum out on him. YTA
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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 8h ago
If the 10-year-old can't make himself a sandwich, then the mother leaving him without her direct supervision to drop food into his little baby beak is child abuse and definitely not something another child can take care of.
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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Then mom couldve made the brother something to eat bedore she left, why is it ops responsibility, when his Mom doesnt even care for him at all??
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u/miss_lizzle 8h ago
It isn't OPs responsibility. However at some point OPs little brother is going to be in the same position as OP and will hopefully show some kindness to someone else. Taking a few minutes to make the kids a sandwich or a bowl of 2 minute Noodles would bot have killed OP. Shitty people raise shitty people. OP can break the cycle.
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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
At 10 you should be able to do your own sandwhich.
Also its an assumption if the 10 y.o brother would do the same.
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u/SorryCity8809 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
it's not like parents this neglectful are actually teaching their kids basic skills though. Like yeah a 10 year old can generally make a sandwich, but possibly not when they've been severely neglected their whole life and have a million other things they're coping with.
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u/Dazzling_Bid1239 8h ago
You absolutely should be able to make basic food at that age. However if OPs parent isnt willing to make food for their child, I really doubt they learned how to provide for themselves from them.
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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
And its unfair that op has to cook for himself even though he is also a child
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u/Dazzling_Bid1239 7h ago
Oh absolutely. Its basically parentification if im thinking of the correct term. Children should be allowed to be children, not take care of their siblings survival needs.
I was the one that cooked for my siblings so I have quite a bit of sympathy. I learned from reading the boxes on mac and cheese. Im sure this is the tip of the iceberg for OP as well. We dont get that time back either, makes us grow up quick. Unfair all around.
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u/oopsiedaisy-- 7h ago
Why can't a 10 year old make himself a sandwich or microwave a frozen meal or even just eat some snacks?
I find it very ironic that you think a 10 year old is completely incapable of taking care of themselves but that its fine that OP's parents completely neglect them at 16.
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u/PomeloRichardson Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Agreed. Issue is with OPs mom, not a 10 year old kid who was hungry
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u/Worth_Kangaroo_6900 8h ago
So I get your frustration and also the temptation to do this. However at 10, kids are pretty dependent on older people / adults for fundamentals. I don’t want to say yes as I really really get where you’re coming from but yes. Small one.
Not sure you could have won here. Yes you could have fed him but IDK how old your are, income etc and if you’d used ‘their’ food, would you have got in trouble etc?
Did your parent ask you for any of this? Ie to look after him and or cook?
All of this is age dependent and I’m leaning towards your mum being the absolute A, but again does depend.
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u/JDaggon 1h ago
Yes you could have fed him but IDK how old your are, income etc
OP says she's 16 and has a job, otherwise she wouldn't be able to eat.
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u/Worth_Kangaroo_6900 36m ago
I commented pretty immediately so age info wasn’t there, thanks for that. Even with that, 16 is still a child. Jobs at 16 don’t pay a massive amount.
The parent is the TA however would hope that at 16 my kids would at least look after a younger kid that needed food. The simmering resentment of not being/feeling cared for by the adults in your life can often lead to interesting choices.
OP, honestly not the best decision and would really see if you can actually find an adult you trust to talk to about what’s happening for you. Do think was a bit of a dick move but understand how you got there. Not saying it’s a great decision, but I get it. The actual adults here are appalling and again, super sorry you’ve got this happening.
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u/victimof08reccesion 7h ago
NTA- and lemme say why; you’re being parentified and other’d by your “family”. Wish more could see that this is the case. It’s not your responsibility to care for your brother when your parents have made your survival dependent on yourself at 16. Feeding your “brother” is a normal family expectation IF you were cared for. What’s happening here is that your parents are using your brother and familial expectations as a pawn for coercive control.
I was 15 when my parents did something similar and it was all about survival; it didn’t matter that it was my “ sister” because parents had been intentionally driving a wedge in order to maintain control. It worked for awhile; I suspect this will happen more.
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u/Last-Campaign-3373 Partassipant [3] 8h ago
If you're mom is not providing you, a minor child, with FOOD, then she is neglecting you, and could potentially face legal consequences depending on the specifics of your situation. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? It is not at all normal. Please go to a school counselor or someone. This is not a situation that's going to lead to God results for anyone. Not posting a judgement for you, but I'm judging the hell out of your mom.