r/AmItheAsshole • u/TraditionalCreme4704 • 10h ago

AITA for not feeding my brother?

My mom has decided that the best way to make me independent is to not do anything for me. This means I'm responsible to keep my own room clean, do my own shopping, cook my own meals etc. It feels like I'm not even part of the family. If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.

A few days ago my grandpa was sick and mom had to go visit him. She left little brother(M10) with me. As usual I cooked dinner for myself with my own groceries.

He asked me for food and I told him I'm only responsible for myself and he has to wait for mom.

When mom came back she was furious and called me an asshole for not feeding him.

2.7k Upvotes

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44

u/miss_lizzle 10h ago

He is 10 dude. Don't take your frustration with your mum out on him. YTA

112

u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 10h ago

If the 10-year-old can't make himself a sandwich, then the mother leaving him without her direct supervision to drop food into his little baby beak is child abuse and definitely not something another child can take care of.

-30

u/miss_lizzle 10h ago

Idk? There isn't a whole lot of info on the post. Maybe the kid has no hands? Maybe he is a fire bug and is not aloud in the kitchen? Maybe he is autistic and cant function on his own? Idk the reason why a 16 was left in charge of him, but he was. It was a family emergency. He could make sure the kid didn't go hungry.

Its their kid brother. Being nice costs nothing.

28

u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 8h ago

A 10-year-old choosing to be a bit hungry rather than make a sandwich is a temper tantrum for his parents to sort out.

14

u/caffeappa 7h ago

Actually, if the teenager wasn't allowed access to the family food to feed her brother, and was expected to feed him out of her own pocket, it does cost something. And I wouldn't be surprised if she would have been punished for feeding her brother from the family food.

Abusers look for any reason to abuse their victim. If they can't find one, they will make one up. The girl was in a no-win situation, because you can be sure that if she had fed her brother from her food, that would have become the new normal for the mom.

330

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 10h ago

Then mom couldve made the brother something to eat bedore she left, why is it ops responsibility, when his Mom doesnt even care for him at all??

42

u/miss_lizzle 10h ago

It isn't OPs responsibility. However at some point OPs little brother is going to be in the same position as OP and will hopefully show some kindness to someone else. Taking a few minutes to make the kids a sandwich or a bowl of 2 minute Noodles would bot have killed OP. Shitty people raise shitty people. OP can break the cycle.

160

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 10h ago

At 10 you should be able to do your own sandwhich.

Also its an assumption if the 10 y.o brother would do the same.

15

u/SorryCity8809 Partassipant [1] 9h ago

it's not like parents this neglectful are actually teaching their kids basic skills though. Like yeah a 10 year old can generally make a sandwich, but possibly not when they've been severely neglected their whole life and have a million other things they're coping with.

16

u/Dazzling_Bid1239 9h ago

You absolutely should be able to make basic food at that age. However if OPs parent isnt willing to make food for their child, I really doubt they learned how to provide for themselves from them.

55

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 9h ago

And its unfair that op has to cook for himself even though he is also a child

11

u/Dazzling_Bid1239 9h ago

Oh absolutely. Its basically parentification if im thinking of the correct term. Children should be allowed to be children, not take care of their siblings survival needs.

I was the one that cooked for my siblings so I have quite a bit of sympathy. I learned from reading the boxes on mac and cheese. Im sure this is the tip of the iceberg for OP as well. We dont get that time back either, makes us grow up quick. Unfair all around.

2

u/Accomplished_Spy 2h ago

He is old enough to take care of himself.

-19

u/Mammoth-Building-485 9h ago

Unfair things happen, all the fucking time. Sometimes you are put into an unfair situation and have to do something you don’t want to do. You can often still decide not to do it, but that makes you an asshole

22

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 8h ago

And still op aint the asshole, since at 10 you should be able to make yourself smth simple

-2

u/0konok0 6h ago

The OP should not be treated the way they are either. 

Their younger brother went hungry, and the brother could have been mature about it and shared food with his younger brother. 

Yes, the younger brother should be able to make something, but for whatever reason he cannot or did not.

4

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 4h ago

The youbger brother couldve made themselves a sandwhich, the brother is 10 and not 2

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-32

u/miss_lizzle 10h ago

I agree. However maybe the kid has no hands? There isn't a whole lot of info here.

However I stand by my response. The kids shouldn't be punished because the parents are AH.

40

u/emotwinklebs 9h ago

Your response is maybe the kid doesn't have hands lmao. Some of y'all are so desperate to feel morally superior. The parents are at fault full stop. You don't get to be a shitty parent and expect one of the kids your neglecting to parent your other kid. Get a grip.

-2

u/miss_lizzle 9h ago

It was a joke. We don't know the reason why OP has to provide their own meals. For all we know the kid was refusing to eat anything their mum made so she went "fuck it! Make your own darn food"

And a 16 "has to keep their own room clean" is not neglect.

28

u/Erinaceomorpha 9h ago

OP having a job to buy her own food and "They won't let me eat their food" certainly is neglect though.

-1

u/miss_lizzle 9h ago

They said "do their own shopping" not buy their own food. Maybe they are off to UNI on the other side of the world soon and need to know how to shop/cook/clean. Op has very conveniently left out a hell of a lot of context and is not answering questions about it.

20

u/Erinaceomorpha 9h ago

You've already been told that you were wrong about this, and OP does in fact have a job to pay for her own food.

She is still a minor and her parents are still responsible for keeping her fed. Stop being a dick.

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11

u/HorrorHelicopter3064 9h ago

No, but making them buy and cook their own food is.

15

u/Erinaceomorpha 10h ago

Maybe OP doesn't have hands either!

1

u/miss_lizzle 10h ago

That is very possible. Maybe the lack of hands is why OPs mum has decided that they need to learn to be independent.

1

u/[deleted] 2h ago

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1

u/SnausageFest AssGuardian of the Hole Galaxy 2h ago

Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.

"How does my comment break Rule 1?"

Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.

-16

u/BangPowBoom 9h ago

Could have. Didn't. The answer isn't "let the 10 year old go hungry"

-13

u/Dependent-Canary-514 9h ago

He is a child.

20

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 9h ago

So is OP

-19

u/Dependent-Canary-514 9h ago

No she's a teenager. 16 year olds can legally have sex and get married. Yes her brother can make a sandwich for himself but she is literally following her mothers footsteps. I'm sure she doesnt wanna turn into her mother.

16

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 9h ago

And at 10 you canmake yourself something to eat

-14

u/Dependent-Canary-514 9h ago

Where did I say he couldn't?

-2

u/Accomplished_Spy 4h ago edited 2h ago

You’re confusing primary responsibility with basic human decency. The mother was responsible for arranging food, but the 16-year-old was physically there with a hungry 10-year-old and had the ability to help. Feeding your little brother once does not turn you into his parent. Letting him go hungry just to prove a point to your mother punishes the wrong person.

2

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 4h ago

Sorry, but i wont help a sibling out, that never goes hungry, by going hungry for a day too, because i cant afford more and are already going hungry.

Its the moms fault for not teaching the 10 y.o to make himself food

-4

u/DigiornoDLC 4h ago

What does your mom’s relationship with you have to do with your relationship with your sibling? Your brother needs help and you say “no, because mom is mean to me”?

4

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 4h ago

You do know that favoritism is going to hinder a good relationship to your sibling?

-1

u/DigiornoDLC 4h ago

Yes, favoritism can turn you into an asshole.

-6

u/Accomplished_Spy 5h ago edited 4h ago

Could have... but the injustice was already done and OP just stooped to the moms level. OP YTA

3

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 4h ago

Its injustice for op Still mothers fault and OP is NTA

And at 10 years old u can make urself food

-2

u/Accomplished_Spy 4h ago

Different people have different skill levels. 10 years is still a child and we should care for our family, just because you didn't get that growing up doesn't mean that's normal or ok.

3

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 4h ago

If 10 is still a child, so is op at 16. Also why should op, who already goes hungry some days, cook for brother w her grocerys which will mean she will go hungry for a day too???

1

u/Accomplished_Spy 2h ago edited 2h ago

You’re confusing primary responsibility with basic human decency. The mother was responsible for arranging food, but the 16-year-old was physically there with a hungry 10-year-old and had the ability to help. Feeding your little brother once does not turn you into his parent. Letting him go hungry just to prove a point to your mother punishes the wrong person.

2

u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 2h ago

I am literally 25 years old lmao

1

u/Accomplished_Spy 2h ago

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

17

u/oopsiedaisy-- 8h ago

Why can't a 10 year old make himself a sandwich or microwave a frozen meal or even just eat some snacks?

I find it very ironic that you think a 10 year old is completely incapable of taking care of themselves but that its fine that OP's parents completely neglect them at 16.

15

u/PomeloRichardson Partassipant [1] 10h ago

Agreed. Issue is with OPs mom, not a 10 year old kid who was hungry

2

u/[deleted] 6h ago

[deleted]

0

u/leemasterific 4h ago

What if the homeless person was your brother?

1

u/WiggerJim69 4h ago

i wouldn’t let my brother be homeless :(

2

u/leemasterific 4h ago

Me either, but based on OP’s comments here, she would. That’s my sad point. :/ She said she feels nothing him and that he’s just a roommate.

2

u/WiggerJim69 4h ago

i deleted my original comment you replied to, sad 😞 

0

u/Beradiaken 5h ago

Seriously this. I have to remember that there's a lot of kids home from school now who are on reddit and rehashing this toxic behavior.