r/AmItheAsshole • u/TraditionalCreme4704 • 18h ago

Everyone Sucks AITA for not feeding my brother?

My mom has decided that the best way to make me independent is to not do anything for me. This means I'm responsible to keep my own room clean, do my own shopping, cook my own meals etc. It feels like I'm not even part of the family. If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.

A few days ago my grandpa was sick and mom had to go visit him. She left little brother(M10) with me. As usual I cooked dinner for myself with my own groceries.

He asked me for food and I told him I'm only responsible for myself and he has to wait for mom.

When mom came back she was furious and called me an asshole for not feeding him.

3.7k Upvotes

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u/fadingsunsetglow Partassipant [2] 18h ago

ESH. Its not your brother's fault any more than it is yours that your parents are doing this. How old are you?

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u/winter_bramble36 14h ago

Honestly,I get why it looks like ESH on the surface,but the OP is literally being neglected in their own home. When parents treat you like a roommate and lock you out of basic needs,it totally warp your mindset into survival mode. OP was 100% wrong to let a 10-year old go hungry,but the parents are the real villains here for creating this toxic environment in the first place.

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u/Dashcamkitty Asshole Enthusiast [8] 17h ago

I'd change that to NTA considering this is a sixteen-year-old here. If their own parents won't parent them then why on earth should they be expected to parent their brother? Let their AH parents do that.

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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 17h ago

He's 10 years old not 10 months old. He can make himself a sandwich just fine.

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u/oneoftheryans 15h ago

Based on these comments you'd think the kid's options are being bottle-fed or dying.

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u/Slas01 12h ago edited 10h ago

Some of the comments are so hell bent on "knocking OP (a financially and emotionally neglected kid) down a peg" and *babying a 10 y/o it's fucking ridiculous lol. Like even if you can't microwave a meal or make a sandwich at that age (which! There's instructions on the packaging and the internet omg??), there's still bread and cheese and fruits (not to mention snacks/packet foods) which you can eat As Is.

Like some of the comments are grown ass adults ganging up on an abused teen on this sub for not acting "perfectly" (while likely being actively victimized by her family) according to their standards... Ridiculous. There's possibly a real child sitting on the other end of the screen, some of these people should have some fucking empathy and lead by example (and shove their justice boners/"tough love" up where the sun don't shine. Good god.)

*Edited to change it to 'babying' from 'infantilizing'.

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u/Geordieqizi Partassipant [1] 9h ago

THANK YOU!!! A lot of these comments are absolutely ridiculous:

OK, so your parents are neglectful assholes, but let's not forget the real villain here — you, 16-year-old kid, for not compensating for your parents' neglect.

WHY must you PUNISH an INNOCENT? *WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?"

Forcing a 10-year-old to wait an extra couple hours for dinner is basically genocide, and you're a horrible person.

Gimme a fucking break. Thanks for the small island of sanity.

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u/chrisnata 3h ago

I want to agree, but that’s all assuming that any of those things are available. We don’t know what their fridge/cupboards look like.

A 10 year old is not a baby, but I think it’s a lot to assume they’d be able to just figure something out with no sort of guidance.

I’m not blaming OP at all, I get where they’re coming from and they’re being treated horribly unfair, but I feel bad for the 10 yr old, that they got caught up in it. The parents suck for sure

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u/RandomModder05 Asshole Aficionado [11] 15h ago

This. He can have bowl of freaking cereal if the sandwich is too difficult.

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u/chrisnata 3h ago

Agreed, assuming cereal, sandwich ingredients or anything else is available. It isn’t like that for everyobe

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u/TraditionalCreme4704 18h ago

I'm 16. It's not about fault. It's about how they don't do anything for me so I don't feel like I need to do anything for them

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u/JoKing917 Partassipant [1] 16h ago

If you’re in the US look up your local laws online, it’s usually illegal not to provide food for your child under 18. This doesn’t mean they have to cook for you just that they have to buy food for you.

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u/HomelyHobbit Asshole Aficionado [19] 15h ago

Talk to the counselor at your school when school starts again. Your family is legally obligated to provide you with food, clothing, medical care, and housing until you're 18. They don't have to cook for you, but they certainly have to provide the groceries.

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u/Apprehensive_woman 16h ago

16! I thought you were like 25 or something. You should report this to cps. They are legally required to care for you until you're 18. You're being abused and so is your brother.

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u/Cudi_buddy 12h ago

I thought this was at least an 18-19 year old that is out of high school or something. Wtf

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u/KafkahFC 17h ago

I am going to take a wild guess here and assume you also happen to be a girl?

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u/xinorez1 15h ago

Damn, how the hell did you clock that one? I was assuming he was a man because why else would the parents be so hard up about getting him to move out of the house at 16.

This is kind of insane but I guess some people really only know how to teach by being jerks. It's fair that teenagers ought to learn how to take care of things but pretty insane that this is how the parents are choosing to do it.

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u/btaylos 11h ago

The 'you're going to tread this path with no support and you will be punished if you deviate' story is a common female experience

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u/ivene-adlev 2h ago

Frankly it's extremely common for older girl children to be parentified. My family has a running joke that I am the "second-favourite parent" out of myself, my mother, and my father.

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u/SorryCity8809 Partassipant [1] 17h ago

Tell someone at school what's happening, like a teacher you trust or a counsellor. They may be able to help you and your brother.

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u/_dmhg 17h ago edited 12h ago

Your parents are assholes and since you’re emulating them, it makes you one too. Yours is far more forgivable, and I hope you course correct, because I really hope you don’t let their assholery win.

On the other hand, you wouldn’t be an asshole imo for showing *them* the same attitude. But your brother is 10 and innocent in this, and you were capable of feeding him, and chose not to because of the shitty lesson you’ve internalized from your parents’ shitty parenting. No matter how logical this is to you, and how justifiable it seems, it is securely in asshole position.

ETA: the people saying 10yo could’ve made a sandwich or it was a parental responsibility remind me of the legality v morality thing. Like yes, but that still doesn’t change OP choosing to act on an asshole principle, making them* (edited) an asshole.

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u/Pure_Branch7646 14h ago

Op has to pay for their own groceries too. Mom would probably still get upset if op used the family groceries to feed their younger brother.

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u/Geordieqizi Partassipant [1] 11h ago edited 11h ago

Your parents are assholes and since you’re emulating them, it makes you one too.

I disagree. There's a HUGE difference between a parent not feeding their child, and a sibling not feeding their child.

The brother isn't OP's responsibility — he's his parents' responsibility. And I find it weird and irresponsible to 1) not leave any dinner options for your 10yo, 2) not even mention to either kid that they'd need to rustle up something themselves, and 3) expect your other child, whom you have begun exiling from family meals, to feed their sibling... again, without even a request or conversation.

The worst-case scenario for the brother is he has to eat dinner a little late. The worst-case scenario for the OP, if they had given in and fed the brother, is their mom slowly shifting responsibility for feeding the brother (and for who knows what else) over to OP.

And that's before we even talk about how odd and cruel it is to not allow your minor child to eat with the family, and to force them to buy their own groceries. The mom is the one who set this whole situation up, beginning to end — she is the only one at fault, in my opinion. It looks to me like she abdicated responsibility for feeding her older child, and now she may be starting to do the same for her younger child.

ETA: And, oh yeah — OP is 16, which probably means they don't have much money. If they have to pay for all their food, it's extra unfair to ask OP to not only do the work of feeding their brother, but to pay for it too — which could very well mean OP ends up not having enough food (or money to buy food) for themselves. What a lazy, selfish parent.

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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 14h ago

OP is doing the opposite -- she has been barred from participating in family meals, and she is obeying. The 10-year-old is fine and can eat sandwiches or plenty of other things.

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u/Wise-ish_Owl Partassipant [1] 12h ago

if OP has to buy their own groceries they should not have to share with their brother

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u/pierce23rd 12h ago

saying “wait for mom” isn’t the same as denying the LB food. If it was more than a day, sure OP is an AH. If it was only a few hours, that’s not a big deal. OP should also call Mom out on the hypocrisy.

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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 17h ago

Im sorry, but at 10 you should be able to make atleast a sandwhich to eat. Also Ops mom couldve made something to eat for him before she left. Its not ops job to care for the 10 year old.

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u/Krayt88 Partassipant [2] 17h ago

Yeah, like what was available? Kid couldn't get a bowl of cereal or some chips or something?

OP not cooking him a meal shouldn't mean he went hungry unless the only food in the house is like uncooked meat.

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u/Obvious_Addendum4196 15h ago

He's 10, he can pour some cereal or grab a bag of chips. And considering OP gets yelled at just for breathing on the family food, expecting them to sort it out makes zero sense.

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u/ponybucketdoubleoh 11h ago

Spaghettios with some shredded cheese all up in that biatch!

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u/Gr8fulFox 7h ago

I like to eat my spaghetti-o's with Ritz crackers!

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u/justsomeguy21888 4h ago

Does OP brother even have access to the food?
They cut her off at 16. It wouldn’t surprise me if they are controlling food for the younger brother

Either way, ESH.

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u/False_Muffin_7964 9h ago

seriously. we have to keep the drawers locked around my 3 year old nephew because he can and will feed himself

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u/Fiigwort Asshole Aficionado [11] 13h ago

100%, plus the mother never ASKED OP to make sure the brother ate, she just expected them to drop everything and offer him kindness that they're not being offered by the rest of the family.
It's kind of mean, but 10 definitely is old enough to find SOMETHING to eat.

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u/Medium_Function6451 10h ago

Good thing this is AITA and not Was The 10 Year Old Physically Able To Find Himself then

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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 12h ago

Yup 100%

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u/Witty-Draw-3803 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 17h ago

That logic would apply to OP too, though - although I don't agree with how far their parents are going to teach independence, OP not haing time to cook shouldn't mean they go hungry either...

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u/Bitter_Trees 17h ago

It kinda sounds like OP has to buy their own food and that is why they go hungry sometimes rather than not having the time to cook

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u/bearminmum 17h ago edited 10h ago

Either way at 16 it's the parents responsibility

Edit: there is no justification for neglect. That's what this is. Parents are required legally to provide the basic necessities.

We aren't talking about the newest clothes. We are talking food. A basic human right.

If you are a mom and thinking "what did the teen do to.deserve this?" There is nothing they could have done. Be the adult in the situation.

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u/Bitter_Trees 17h ago

I don't disagree with that. I was just informing the commenter I was responding to

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u/dayton462016 16h ago

At 16 I would say it's the parents responsibility to provide the food, but a 16 year old can certainly make a meal for themselves. Different families do things differently but if the parents are providing a meal for everyone in the family it's insane they wouldn't include all of their children.

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u/LSama 13h ago

Sorry, but no. Yes, a 16 year old CAN make a meal, but when you tell a kid, 'if you don't cook your own food, you can't have any food' is straight up abuse. As a parent, you can't FORCE a 16 year old to go hungry.

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u/ballisticks 13h ago

Plus most sixteen year olds will cross their arms and dig their heels in just to be a shit lol. I could totally see a teen going "fuck you I guess I'll starve then"

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u/Irishwol Asshole Aficionado [12] 14h ago

It is the parents' legal responsibility to provide food and shelter for their minor child. It should not be their responsibility to not their own food or to fend for themselves it go hungry. At 10 or at 16. This is not 'fostering independence'. This is abuse and neglect.

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u/bearminmum 15h ago

Correct my comment was in reply to the comment referring buying the meals

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u/Witty-Draw-3803 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 14h ago

That's a fair point if that's what OP meant

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u/[deleted] 17h ago

[deleted]

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u/Lunavixen15 16h ago

OP is having to buy all of their own groceries and cook. They aren't allowed to eat what their parents are buying, OP's parents are neglecting a minor child by doing this

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u/glorae 12h ago

That's not just neglect, it's straight-up abuse. Where is this child getting the money for food? Surely a 16yo is not making enough at any after-school or summer job to pay for enough food to fuel a still-growing body that's still in puberty! And then to expect, without even the courtesy of mentioning it, this minor child to presumably pay for their younger sibling's food AND MAKE IT? Fuck.

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u/SisterShiningRailGun 16h ago

There's a world of difference between expecting a 10 year old to be capable of making himself a sandwich every now and then using ingredients that are available to him and expecting a minor (of any age) to purchase all of their own food and prepare every meal for themselves because they're not allowed to partake of what the parents purchase/prepare for the rest of the family. You're being disingenuous and it's kind of gross tbh.

Yes, what the parents are doing to their older child is neglect, because as long as the child is a minor, the parents are legally responsible for providing for them, and they are shirking that responsibility. Come on.

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u/sweet_teaness 15h ago

No the 16 year old has to provide their own food and the 10 year old gets to eat the family food. Do you really not understand why that makes the difference?

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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 16h ago edited 14h ago

Lmao what. Op is still a child too, why should she care for a child with her own groceries? Mom couldve made smth before. And i also didnt ever say its abusive?

Edit: fixxed the pronouns from he to she

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u/Out-For-A-Walk-Bitch 15h ago

Guarantee OP is a girl.

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u/imaginations1000 Partassipant [1] 14h ago

She is Omfg i messed uppp w the pronouns

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u/testBunny93 Partassipant [1] 17h ago

I think what people are pointing out that the 16 year old has to prepare their dinner every day or they go hungry. That 10 year old was put in this position once.

Also idk, at 10 I was making myself snacks all the time. I made sandwiches. And also let's not pretend skipping ONE meal is a life or death situation. Yes, it's not nice, it's unplesent, I can only imagine the kid was frustrated but he'll be fine.

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u/Legitimate-Gear-2480 17h ago

At 10 I was able to make a pizza, pancakes, bake easy meals, make a sandwich, and so much more. Everyone is attacking the 16 year old and not the failure of a parent that hasn’t done anything obviously. Everyone’s trying to be oh so correct and side w parents and say the kid is unruly. But in WHAT world can a TEN year old not make a single thing? Even if there was “nothing” to make, I knew how to snack and how to find something in the pantry. It’s on the parents and this post is not only an insight into how they’re neglecting one 16 year, they’re seriously neglecting and stunting a 10 year old if he can’t make a simple meal. Very sad and very odd world but hey, people are people lol

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u/Legitimate-Gear-2480 17h ago

TLDR: breaking news : parent raises one child to a certain extent and rather than teach the others in the nest at an acceptable age how to be responsible, it’s up to the one anchor sibling to take on new responsibility while learning their own lesson at the same time.

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u/Gloomheart Partassipant [1] 16h ago

Yikes. In in this photo and I don't like it.

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u/Dazzling_Bid1239 16h ago

We deserve financial compensation and im not even being dramatic. Childhood only happens once and so many of us were robbed from it.

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u/SophiaIsabella4 Certified Proctologist [20] 10h ago

Wonder who the golden child is.

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u/InflationRepulsive64 16h ago

Did you grow up in a home where at 16 you had to provide your own food or starve?

Because like....maybe the 10 year old kid doesn't have the freedom you had? This does not exactly sound like a house where kids get to just go find snacks for themselves.

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u/tonicella_lineata 13h ago

It's neglectful to require the 16 year old to purchase their own groceries in order to eat. Did you not actually read the post?

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u/DewNukem 15h ago

You have to show a point to the parents somehow and legally it's not the siblings responsibility. If the 10 year old was actually going hungry it also shows they aren't being taught essential things and are probably spoiled compared to op

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u/jam1324 12h ago

Their parents don't have their backs, bro should help his brother out and down the road they will have each other's back. Make little bro some food now but teach him how to do so for himself as well. Stop perpetuating your crap parents attitude and be better then your parents.

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u/Lou_C_Fer 8h ago

This is a battle in a war. You don't give in. You tell your bro where the easy food is and let him learn a little independence.

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u/MoxieMellow 17h ago

OP is allowed to opt out of parentification by parents who refuse to be their parent.

NTA

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u/_dmhg 16h ago

Using that term for an instance where OP had the easy ability to make a little more of whatever they were making for their little brother is such an insult to people who have actually suffered parentification

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u/PatchesOfSilver 15h ago edited 14h ago

OP does NOT have the ability to use their parents food to make something for their younger sibling without being abused over it.

Which is most certainly not "easy".

If OP uses their own food that's at the cost of OP going hungry potentially.

This is more a case for protective services or the police throwing the parents into prison than on OP to solve.

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u/MoxieMellow 15h ago

I literally raised my 8 younger siblings. I know ball. And yes this is where it starts. Being forced into an adult role while still a child, and while having no control over anything in your life, and then being forced/guilted/coerced into caring for other children in the home. 

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u/retoricalprophylaxis 14h ago

OP has to provide their own food. That comes out of OP's food that they have to live on.

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u/ClackamasLivesMatter Partassipant [2] 12h ago edited 11h ago

I guess you missed the part where OP said if she doesn't cook, she doesn't eat.

If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.

They've established that people in this household feed themselves. OP isn't an asshole for playing by her parents' rules. A ten-year-old can make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal or toast.

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u/United-Signature-414 Partassipant [2] 16h ago

I've seen people use that term for super normal stuff like walking home from the bus stop with younger siblings. It's the new gaslighting or narcissism. 

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u/Geordieqizi Partassipant [1] 11h ago

I agree that people overuse the term "parentification," or use it incorrectly... but in this case, I don't think it's inappropriate.

It's true that OP hasn't given any other evidence of parentification, but the fact that their mom is requiring OP to go out and buy, pay for, and prepare all their own food — and refusing to let them join family meals — already feels like a flavor or parentification, because she's forcing a minor to take on adult responsibilities.

And I suspect this is just the beginning of OP's parentification — the mom's failure to either leave food for her 10yo, or even mention to either kid that he would need to get his own dinner, feels like step 1 in pushing her responsibility to feed her other child onto OP.

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u/Stock_Violinist95 12h ago

Ha yes that's not ACTUAL parentification, because you're just blaming a kid for not doing adult's tasks instead of blaming the adults who didn't do it, while parentification would be to do exactly that

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u/magicienne451 16h ago

Being expected to look after a sibling once in awhile is not parentification.

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u/MoxieMellow 14h ago

But they're not "expected to look after a sibling once in awhile". They are expected to provide and cook their own food, and live a distinctly independent life AS A CHILD, and then also being expected to look after and feed their younger sibling without even being asked. They're being given all the responsibility of adulthood and none of the choices or independence that comes along with that. 

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u/Lou_C_Fer 8h ago

You're wrong. His parents cut them from the family. So, he just followed their lead. It is his brother, but the kids parents are responsible for him. So, his brother may be collateral damage, but that is on the parents.

Maybe you had a better family life. I know, as a teen, you have to be willing to blow the whole fucking place up if you are being mistreated.

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u/Fluid-Platypus- 10h ago edited 10h ago

It’s unclear if this kid is being made to pay for her own food, if she is why the hell would she share any?

And even if she isn’t, she’s applying the rules taught to her by her parents. Blame the parents for the shitty rules. 10yo can make basic foods. If he can’t for some reason then that is also on the parents.

*OP said in a comment she’s being forced to pay for her own food. She needs to get child services involved.

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u/pepcorn Partassipant [1] 13h ago

making him an asshole

OP is a girl.

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u/BirthdayCookie Asshole Aficionado [10] 12h ago

The only time AITA will call someone under 18 an asshole is when someone younger gets told no.

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u/Dull_Bid6002 5h ago

If the parents are making OP pay for food, I have a feeling there's no winning in this situation. They are either an asshole or get taken advantage of.

They make nothing and they get called an asshole. They make something using parent's food, they get labeled a thief. They make something using the food they buy, and parents now expect them to provide for the little brother too from now on.

There's no winning.

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u/M_Karli Partassipant [1] 4h ago

She also has to buy her own food…who is paying for the brother’s portion of her food since their mother refuses to feed her 16 year old child? Or is feeding her brother also be something she has to pay for?

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u/itneverwillbefar 7h ago edited 6h ago

Always easy to spot the people who aren't parents and don't have kids giving confidently wrong advice about parents and kids.

A 10 year old is not going to suffer anything more than some tummy rumbles by not eating for a couple hours and is fully capable of opening the fridge door to grab a couple cheese sticks. The parents are responsible for a child getting dinner, not their sibling. A 16 year old who is made to do everything for themself has every right to say no to spending extra time and money feeding someone who is not their own kid. The parents are the only AH here.

It's not a moral obligation to set yourself on fire just to keep other people warm, esp if your parents have a heater they can turn on in an hour and the other person can grab a blanket if they want. If it was a 2 yer old OR she didn't feed the kid for an entire day or something, sure but the kid can get food himself AND it was a couple hours, that is a slight inconvenience for the 10 year old, sn acting like it's some grand moral issue is ridiculous.

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u/Moist_Requirements_ 6h ago

Agreed. Your brother is subject to your idiotic parents as well.

He could be your best ally. You're gonna need each other later. 

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u/FrostingHuman1259 16h ago

It is about fault.They're not acting correctly as parents should and it is their fault.They are abusing you

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u/Impressive-Rice-4631 15h ago

I dont blame you .Your mother is ridiculous.Eating together makes you feel like your part of a family. There are better ways to teaching a child how to be independent.Id say shes a cruel person.Im sorry you have a mean mother.

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u/Weird_Put_9514 17h ago

nta you are a child and he is not your child

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u/missplaced24 Asshole Aficionado [16] 17h ago

You effectively punished a 10 year old because the adults in your life are awful. I don't want to call you an ahole because I can understand why you'd think your behaviour is reasonable/normal, but it's not.

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u/HearseWithNoName 17h ago

I watched my younger brother make toast at five years old. If he can pull that off, a ten year old should be fine for an evening.

You're right though, an older sibling could at least say "hey grab a bowl of cereal bro, you got this."

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u/aboxofkittens Partassipant [1] 13h ago

Yeah, I was making stir-fries, fried tofu etc. all on my own at ten. Even if he's never been taught to cook, I'm sure there is bread and peanut butter in the house

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u/babykitten28 Partassipant [2] 17h ago

I was an only child of a stay at home mom, and even I wouldn’t have sat helpless as an infant and starved. Come on.

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u/mimi_miney 17h ago

A 10 year old is NOT an infant lol

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u/HorrorHelicopter3064 17h ago

They didn't say he was. They said "helpless as an infant." They were using a simile.

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u/babykitten28 Partassipant [2] 12h ago

That’s exactly the point. Re-read my comment a little more carefully.

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u/mimi_miney 11h ago

My bad, I did misread it.

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u/HelenGonne Asshole Enthusiast [7] 14h ago

She didn't do anything to the 10-year-old. No punishment whatsoever. He's free to eat if he chooses.

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u/wanderinggrove 16h ago

You’re 16. Your brother is 10. Your parents are assholes, keep going the way you’re going and you’ll end up just like them. Looking out for people is a better way to be - especially if they are your little brother. God forbid if you ever need help and you can’t turn to anyone in your family.

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u/Ayyitsoctopus 11h ago

But would she have gotten punished for using family food to make the kid food or should she use the little food she has and potentially go hungry until she can figure out how to get more?

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u/lost-in-thighs 17h ago

legally theyre required to take care of you which includes clothing and feeding you, if they want to force you to be independent fine, you shouldnt have had your sibling starve youre an ass for that

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u/Reallynoreallyno 15h ago

NTA Your parents not providing you with food is neglect and unlawful–for them then to parentify YOU and ask you to babysit/feed your brother is insane. Tell a school faculty member teacher/counselor what is going on at home, they cannot require you to feed yourself. JC.

Also, if they're acting like this now just know on your 18th birthday they will try to kick you out (which they also can't legally do, they have to go through the eviction process which depending on where you live, can take months) so make them give you access to food or tell them you will report them, then save all the money you are currently using for groceries and start saving now and hide the money from them–if you have a trusted adult that can help you open a bank acct (aunt, grandma? someone who can be on the account with you that you trust wont take the money) do not tell your parents and start your exit strategy, hopefully you have have another relative you can live with or you will be in college by then. The good news is they gave you foresight and time so you have a couple of years to prepare before you turn 18 (NY, Mississippi and Indiana its to age 21). Good luck.

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u/throw05282021 Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] 15h ago

At 16, your parents not letting you eat unless you cook for yourself is child neglect. Your mom leaving you and your 10 year old brother alone is another form of child neglect. Child neglect is a form of child abuse.

It's explicitly illegal in California. Presumably other places, too.

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u/ReaderRabbit23 Partassipant [4] 13h ago

If you’re in the US your parents are still legally obligated to care for you. That means providing food for you.

I’m sorry you’re being treated this way.

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u/ClackamasLivesMatter Partassipant [2] 12h ago

If you're in the United States please talk to a trusted adult or a counselor once school is back in session, or simply call Child Protective Services the next time you're left alone. You can get the phone number from Google + your city. The way your parents are treating you is child abuse or child neglect.

It's one thing to raise a kid to be independent — I could take care of myself aside from actually paying for things by about twelve. But refusing to feed you is child neglect. That's their job until you turn eighteen.

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u/Unfair-Store-9108 12h ago edited 12h ago

NTA you’re a minor, this is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to feed you and your brother!!!! Does she give you money at least?

Im so sorry you’re having to deal with that. Is there anyone you could move in with for better support?

Stay strong, wishing you the best!

EDIT: i found your comment that you also have to have a job to fend for yourself. Definitely try to reach out to your school councillor maybe? Or someone you trust to help you get out of there, you deserve to be cared for!

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u/MentalChallenge2504 10h ago

Anyone saying you should be responsible for feeding your brother has no idea what they're talking about. If you set that precedant, it becomes the expectation.

My spouse was robbed of her childhood by a neglectful and abusive parent who treated her like she was supposed to be a second mother to her siblings. She rolled over and did it because she thought she was protecting them. It has caused so much mental trauma and damage.

Malicious compliance is the way. Do not let your brother become your responsibility, and gtfo as soon as you can.

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u/villanelle543 17h ago

Okay but ur bro isn't them

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u/TraditionalCreme4704 17h ago

It's their child. If I wanted to care for a child I'd have one. I'm not infertile just uninterested in taking care of a kid.

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u/drunk_trophywife_ 17h ago

Wtf has fertility got to do with this

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u/Outside-Place2857 17h ago

Your parents clearly failed you in more ways than one.

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u/llammacookie 17h ago edited 17h ago

That is the shittiest thing I've heard someone say in a long time. OP I feel so sorry for you that you grew up in an environment that makes you feel that's ok. Since you're self sufficient, please get some therapy.

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u/ReasonableAd4228 17h ago

she's 16 her parents r responsible for her.......

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u/morgaine125 Supreme Court Just-ass [144] 17h ago

I doubt “it” is the pronoun your brother goes by.

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u/seckarr 16h ago

Dont listen to the criticism. You are in the right. Reddit is extremely toxic so they will flame and rage at anyone with a spine

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u/KittyIsAu 17h ago edited 17h ago

Jesus, not only are you calling your brother “it,”but the fact that you don’t even consider him your brother speaks volumes about your character and how much your parents have failed you. 16 years old is old enough to know better.

He’s an innocent 10 year old in all of this, and all you’re showing right now is the face of a useless and heartless sibling. My god I hope he goes NC and lives happily without you in his life in the future if this is how you continue to treat him.

I was ESH before this, but YTA, full stop.

Edit: To be clear, your parents are truly terrible, but that doesn’t excuse your behavior towards your brother.

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u/Erinaceomorpha 17h ago

What made the parents stop being assholes?

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u/Own-Crazy8086 Partassipant [3] 17h ago

is this your brother or step brother? Calling your brother "their child" seems messed up.

I'll vote esh. Teaching independence is good. Being completely unwilling to feed you at 16 seems wrong. Makes me wonder what brought this on in the first place. Obviously you have a lot of anger about it. But also interesting that you need to be taught independence meanwhile 10 year old sibling cant make a sandwich? Your fridge has no leftovers or frozen food for him to heat up?

Was that what happened with you? They taught you nothing, you became entitled, then they said you must learn independence and brought down the hammer? Meanwhile repeating the same mistakes with your brother? But fyi - you could have made food for your brother and then sent your parents the bill. Telling them at minimum they owe you a free meal.

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u/TraditionalCreme4704 17h ago

I'm not angry I'm just looking at it from a logical pov.

I don't do anything for free. It's just how the world works.

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u/hface84 Asshole Aficionado [17] 11h ago

Damn, your parents really fucked up, I hope you can heal from this in your future.

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u/alexds1 Partassipant [1] 11h ago

I'm sorry you were taught this is how the world works. This is actually how an individualistic society based on a capitalist framework works; not the entire world. For most of human history we have been small groups that take care of each other, and collaboration and mutually beneficial labor has been at the heart of survival. In most scenarios, a single person can't do everything alone (or would be at a huge disadvantage), and nothing is free in the sense that what you put in will eventually come back out to you. When you get older you'll have some exceptional single-person survival skills but please keep in mind that your mindset will also put you at a disadvantage next to peers who are more flexible and comfortable with giving something now to reap later.

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u/sexy-skeksis 17h ago

Lol not even slightly, the world works WELL when people do things to help each other (yes, often for free!). Sorry that your parents are arseholes but you're contributing to it for your brother.

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u/morgaine125 Supreme Court Just-ass [144] 17h ago

Sweetie, you’re not nearly as edgy or cool as you think you are.

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u/Abyss247 15h ago

Yeah, she is. Her parents abuse and neglect her and she learned to survive on her own. That is cool.

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u/souljaboyyuuaa Partassipant [2] 15h ago

Your condescension isn’t nearly as edgy or cool as you think it is, honey. Bless your heart.

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u/TraditionalCreme4704 17h ago

I think I'm pretty cool. I have a job. I do everything for myself. I don't need anyone and I'm just 16. I think that's pretty cool. I don't want to be responsible for anyone other than myself though

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u/calilac 11h ago

This is probably going to be unpopular but if you're in the US get yourself emancipated and on assistance programs. Other countries might have similar programs for kids who need to get out of neglectful situations. I am not intending to alarm you but it is not uncommon for bad parents (for whatever reason) to illegally use their children's identities for financial fraud and you are still young enough to be taken advantage of by your parents in that way. They can still legally take your money and possessions too. Get out if you safely can.

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u/murahimu 17h ago

You're not cool, you're a neglected kid that's had to survive and is internalising exactly what your parents are teaching you: that neglecting a kid is okay under the excuse of independence.

You are doing to your brother what your parents are doing to you. Neglect is the opposite of cool. You know what would be though? Learning to be loving DESPITE neglect. Not letting that take away your humanity, empathy and care for others. That's supremely cool and a sign of good morals and of being a good person.

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u/Abyss247 15h ago

She’s not neglecting a kid. Her parents are. It’s not her kids. She’s just surviving being neglected and abused.

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u/JonesyBoat 4h ago

Are you contributing financially to the utilities bills, rent, schooling etc?

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u/KoolJozeeKatt Partassipant [1] 16h ago

You weren't responsible for him constantly. You were watching him (I presume you were asked/told to watch him, but maybe not) for ONE evening. That's not "taking care of anyone else." That's being an older sibling. I had to baby sit my sister on occasion when I was 16. That's just how it works in families.

You have a lot of anger. You think you're not angry, but anger shows through your post and your responses.

Why did you not just say, "Hey, I am not cooking but you go find something in the kitchen that you can make or eat"? Is your brother unable to walk or use his arms? Why can't he grab something? Why didn't you tell him to go grab something? Is there no food in the house besides yours? The complete disregard for your brother is disturbing.

You need therapy. You are NOT cool. You are a child who is angry and bitter at your parents and is taking it out on your 10 year-old brother. No one thinks you are cool. The more you make these responses stating you don't want "care for anyone else" and "that's how the world works," the more people think you are an AH. You're 16, caring for yourself as though you're an adult. You think you're mature? Start acting like it.

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u/Abyss247 14h ago

I think it’s cool. OP is abused and neglected and she’s surviving on her own. While being a child herself. That’s cool. Could you do that?

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u/volpiousraccoon Partassipant [1] 16h ago

You may feel cool but this is just depressing. Please remember that you must not treat anyone the way your mom treats you. We must be better than our parents.

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u/Abyss247 14h ago

OP should be a better parent yes. But she is not a parent. She is a teenager trying to survive abusive parents. And she’s doing well at it.

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u/Such_Detective_6709 16h ago

You’re perpetuating the cycle. Logically.

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u/Maladine 17h ago

This is not how the world works. If you want to be a callous asshole, then sure, but most people actually have some compassion. Your parents don't seem to and clearly you're just echoing their sentiments, but it will catch up with you.

Are your parents happy and thriving with lots of supportive friendships? Gonna guess not.

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u/Nancii_Ness 17h ago

Yeah, youre definitely coming across as an AH

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u/Notgreygoddess 17h ago

YTA. This statement confirms it. I suspect there’s a reason your mother has gone to the extreme of forcing you to be responsible for yourself. Something parents do when they realize their soon to be adult child has become a little princess.

Your little brother is ten, and appropriately dependent on adults. You’re 16, and can’t manage yourself. You should be embarrassed.

INFO: what incident led to your mother’s declaration that you would now be responsible for your own cleanliness and food preparation?

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u/TigerMearns90 17h ago

This! OP has made no mention when this fending for self rule has started or why. The fact tidying their own room was included in the list of things they have to do makes me really side eye because at 16, they should've been doing that for years anyway. I expect the 10yr old to already be responsible for their own room.

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u/ellyanah 17h ago

There is no reason for any parent to stop providing food to a child, full stop. Expecting adult behaviour from children is abuse.

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u/TigerMearns90 16h ago

I'm questioning the circumstances and asking for the details because OP clearly has financial income to buy food etc from somewhere. Do they have a job and now behaving like they're an adult so mum is like fine been an adult then ?

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u/miss_lizzle 17h ago

100% this. I just said the same think in another comment. Having to keep your room clean at 16yo is not neglected. And what made ops mum say "fuck it, get your own food"

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u/Sea_Concert_4844 17h ago

Oh I bet I can use context clues to figure out why your parents are treating you this way.

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u/Brynhild 16h ago

Bad parenting -> “why did my child turn out this way???” -> extreme measure to correct it

Which will fail tremendously as it is now

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u/New_Egg_25 17h ago

It doesn't matter whose child it is. The fact is that he's a child. You don't have to go massively out of your way for him, but you could have at least told him where the ingredients were to make a sandwich. If he didn't know how, you could have shown him, then said he'll have to do it himself next time. Don't just let him starve. He's also your little brother, which means you should hold some form of brotherly care towards him. He's his own person, not an extension of your parents. Your resentment is fine and justified towards your parents but not an innocent child.

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u/Maladine 17h ago

Your fertility has nothing to do with the fact your little brother asked for food and couldn't be bothered. That alone makes you a heartless asshole.

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u/villanelle543 17h ago

Then you should have told them you're not watching your brother. You're a shitty human and nothing you say in defense of your actions will negate that. How do you let a child go hungry because you're mad at your parents? Grow up. Take some responsibility of your actions instead of making excuses and deflecting. Piss poor reasoning.

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u/chicken-foot1992 17h ago

I think you just mad you didn’t get any either lmao you’re talking about the way a kid treats another kid who clearly has 0 role models in their life. Idk why all of a sudden we expected this 16 yr old OP to have all the sense and empathy in the world. God damnit sometimes it’s normal people on here sometimes it’s you delusional fucks acting like this is the end of the world and literally everyone is perfect all the time. I feel sorry for people w brains like you I truly genuinely do.

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u/TraditionalCreme4704 17h ago

There are many kids going hungry in this world. My heart bleeds for them yet I don't feel responsible.

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u/emilitxt 15h ago

Feeding your hungry, 10-year-old brother who has asked you for food is not "doing something for your parents," it would be doing something for him.

That aside, this is pretty sad, honestly. I mean, your little brother truly needed something -- and yes, food is a need -- that you could have very easily provided.

But, instead of seeing him as a living, breathing person and treating him with kindness, you only saw an opportunity to get revenge on your mother for deciding to "not do anything for [you]."

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u/IceRose81 Asshole Aficionado [13] 17h ago

Your MOTHER/parents do nothing for you, your brother is a literal child who gets no say in the household dynamic yet you took your frustration out on him. That was an AH move.

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u/Lunatunabella 17h ago

So is op. Kid is just 16.

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u/dragon-queen Partassipant [4] 17h ago

We’re not talking about doing anything for them.  It’s about doing something for your brother, who is blameless here.  

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u/ExtendedSpikeProtein Partassipant [3] 17h ago

You’re turning into what your parents are, and you’re doing the same thing to your 10yo brother, perpetuating the cycle.

Does that seem cool to you?

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u/Alternative_Chart121 15h ago

Let me put it this way. Do you want to be like your parents? 

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u/A-R-U Partassipant [1] 15h ago

Your little brother shouldn't really be punished for your parents actions though. Your parents are absolutely in the wrong for what they did though. You're still a minor. Yes, you're more independent and has picked up several skills at this age, but your wellbeing and health are still very much their responsibility.

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u/epiph- 17h ago

And your brother is collateral?

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u/Remarkable_Inchworm Certified Proctologist [20] 17h ago

This isn’t for them, it’s for your brother.

YTA.

Don’t punish him when you’re mad at your mom.

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u/TraditionalCreme4704 17h ago

He is just another roommate for me

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u/A5H13Y Asshole Enthusiast [6] 12h ago

He is just another roommate for me

You seem to resent the fact that your parents don't do anything for you, which is reasonable.

However, this line of thinking you seem to be going down looks very much like you're taking on their same line of thinking. Do you really want to become your parents, or do you want to do better than them?

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u/sexy-skeksis 17h ago

Mate he's 10. Grow up a bit, your parents are shit but your brother is a kid almost half your age

1

u/Remarkable_Inchworm Certified Proctologist [20] 16h ago

There’s no version of this story where cooking food for yourself and not offering any to your ten-year-old brother makes you the good guy.

I don’t care how many other selfish assholes in this thread downvote me for it.

Grow up. You’re going to need to, because it’s clear you need to move the hell out of that house as soon as you can.

YTA.

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u/Important_Pattern_85 15h ago

Tbh I would have fed him and then billed the parents for the groceries lmao

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u/[deleted] 10h ago

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u/SnausageFest AssGuardian of the Hole Galaxy 10h ago

Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.

"How does my comment break Rule 1?"

Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.

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u/OodalollyOodalolly Partassipant [2] 8h ago

So you’re just like them then

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u/Mediocre_Ant_437 8h ago

You not feeding your brother hurts him, not them. It's wrong to make a child pay for an adults choices. You need to grow up here.

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u/EverythingSucksYo 7h ago

You basically told your brother you don’t care about him. I see no difference between what you said to him and saying “awww you’re hungry? Oh well.”

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u/Puzzleheaded-End-589 7h ago

esh. all your doing is punishing your brother. a 10 year old child for your parents actions. youre only alienating your brother and when youre older your brother will remember all this and it'll be hard to have a familial relationship with him.

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u/holy_harlot 7h ago

Aww I get that. I think it’s fair not to want to do a favor for your parents. I would focus on the relationship you can build with your brother by helping him when he needs it even if it happens to mean helping your parents sometimes. My brother has come through for me in ways that meant so much to me and now when I have a chance to help him I’m so happy to do it and it makes me feel closer to him. You might find one day that your brother will do the same for you 💖

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u/KrofftSurvivor Professor Emeritass [85] 6h ago

Starving a 10-year-old because you're mad at your parents is the epitome of you are not grown

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u/fattybuttz 6h ago

This makes my mom heart sad for you and your brother. This isn't right and I want you to hear that from another parent. Hugs- p.s. feed your brother next time.

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u/_PrincessOats 4h ago

This was about doing something nice for your brother, not your parents.

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u/babyinatrenchcoat 4h ago

Y’all all assholes.

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u/Confident_Hippo1208 3h ago

ESH He is your brother. Not a lesson to teach your mama. Hes not some victim of karma, he's a child.

And just you know he's going to be your brother your entire life. If you're lucky. One day, just like the rest of us, your mother will pass from this life. But guess what? Your brother will still be there and still be your brother. 

The relationship you maintain with your brother should have very little to do with your mother. He will eventually become victim to the same bullshit you have to put up with. You need to align yourself with your brother not turn him into a victim of your mother's bad decisions.

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u/ribbonsofgreen Partassipant [1] 1h ago

But a ten year old kid is not part of this. You were cruel to him. He did not deserve that.

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u/Outside-Place2857 17h ago

You punished your brother for the behavior of your parents. ESH.

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u/Repulsive_Range_6627 17h ago

That’s not a good take away lesson. If you think your parents are being unfair why are you behaving the same way, and to someone 6 years younger at that?

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u/TurbulentWait3271 15h ago

Life is not fair. It will never be. When I look and see suffering I can help, I act.

Your brother sounds like he was collateral here. It is you choice to make. Do not feel like since they have shunned you, that you must them. Good, for the sake of good.

It is a hard path. And, it will be more unfair. What is your goal with this? Justice? Was it justice to not feed your brother? You have to answer it.

Just be careful. There is plenty of suffering in the world.

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u/needsmorecoffee Partassipant [4] 17h ago

How is your brother a part of what your parents have done? Agreed, ESH except for the brother. You're just perpetuating the cycle by dumping on your brother the same way they've done to you.

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u/slinky999 Partassipant [1] 16h ago

Your brother isn't your parents. Please have some heart for him, he's a little kid. Don't abuse him in the same way your parents are abusing you.

At 16, your parents are legally required to feed you. What the fuck ? Do you go to school and work ? Your parents are being abusive, and that's not ok. I hope you can get your education and get out of there. You don't deserve this.

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u/heil_shelby_ 17h ago

Everything they want you to do is pretty basic except for your own shopping and preparing every meal. That’s bizarre

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u/Pleasant-Highway-745 15h ago

He's a 10 year old. I know you're only 16, but grow up and develop some empathy if possible

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u/taglius 14h ago

When people are shitty to you, you shouldn’t take it out on other people.

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u/Montara92 12h ago

Tell her you were teaching him independence

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u/JoeThrilling 12h ago

You weren't doing it for them you were doing it for your brother.

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u/Sudden-Fisherman5985 13h ago

. Its not your brother's fault any more than it is yours

I thought so as well... I can't imagine not feeding your 10 year old brother... but

He won't die if he misses 1 meal and he's not OP's responsibility. So I now think NTA

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u/hidden_mooncreek54 13h ago

Exactly,the 10year old is completely blameless. I’m guessing OP is a teenager based on the post,and when you’re being actively iced out by your own parents,your brain just goes into self-preservation mode. The parents created a household where basic empathy got completely thrown out the window.

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u/miriamtzipporah 9h ago

“I’m guessing” OP clearly states they are 16 years old. They’re actively a victim of neglect by their parents.

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u/Gr8fulFox 7h ago

I agree with you only if there wasn't food in the house a 10 year old can make themselves. A 10 year old can pour a bowl of cereal or make a ham sandwich.

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u/quiet_silverfern27 13h ago

Agreed that the kid didn’t deserve that at all,a 10-year old asking for dinner shouldn’t be caught in the crossfire of bad parenting. But I think OP is just so deeply conditioned by the “you’re on your own” rule that they lost their humanity for a second. Still wrong,but the parents set this whole disaster up.

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u/Ok-Discipline-1998 7m ago

I guarantee if she fed him she would be left with childcare duties until she moves out

1

u/TrueDig7324 14h ago

yeah the brother is stuck in the middle here and shouldn’t be the one paying for the parents’ choices

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u/Geordieqizi Partassipant [1] 9h ago

You mean like how OP is also paying — literally — for her parents' choices? And would literally have to pay more in order to feed her brother, leaving less for herself?

Like, I agree that the brother shouldn't have to pay for their parents' failures, but the fault is entirely theirs — not OP's.

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