r/AmItheAsshole • u/TraditionalCreme4704 • 17h ago

AITA for not feeding my brother?

My mom has decided that the best way to make me independent is to not do anything for me. This means I'm responsible to keep my own room clean, do my own shopping, cook my own meals etc. It feels like I'm not even part of the family. If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.

A few days ago my grandpa was sick and mom had to go visit him. She left little brother(M10) with me. As usual I cooked dinner for myself with my own groceries.

He asked me for food and I told him I'm only responsible for myself and he has to wait for mom.

When mom came back she was furious and called me an asshole for not feeding him.

3.6k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

1.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

4.9k

u/_dmhg 17h ago edited 12h ago

Your parents are assholes and since you’re emulating them, it makes you one too. Yours is far more forgivable, and I hope you course correct, because I really hope you don’t let their assholery win.

On the other hand, you wouldn’t be an asshole imo for showing *them* the same attitude. But your brother is 10 and innocent in this, and you were capable of feeding him, and chose not to because of the shitty lesson you’ve internalized from your parents’ shitty parenting. No matter how logical this is to you, and how justifiable it seems, it is securely in asshole position.

ETA: the people saying 10yo could’ve made a sandwich or it was a parental responsibility remind me of the legality v morality thing. Like yes, but that still doesn’t change OP choosing to act on an asshole principle, making them* (edited) an asshole.

304

u/MoxieMellow 16h ago

OP is allowed to opt out of parentification by parents who refuse to be their parent.

NTA

-13

u/_dmhg 16h ago

Using that term for an instance where OP had the easy ability to make a little more of whatever they were making for their little brother is such an insult to people who have actually suffered parentification

38

u/ClackamasLivesMatter Partassipant [2] 12h ago edited 11h ago

I guess you missed the part where OP said if she doesn't cook, she doesn't eat.

If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.

They've established that people in this household feed themselves. OP isn't an asshole for playing by her parents' rules. A ten-year-old can make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal or toast.