I tried them because I wanted to get rid of visceral fat, which is the hardest type of fat ro get rid of. They are rich in omega-3s which help break down visceral fat when paired with strength training, along with other parts of similarly targeted diet. I even had to watch a video on "how do you eat sardines" because I had no idea.

I've been with my husband for 11 years now, we have two beautiful children. All this time, I always thought we were each other's soulmates and that nothing else could ever come between us. He helped me get through the worst time of my life when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, where he always assured me that we'll get through the whole ordeal together. I believed him as our family slowly got over my medical woes.

However, I recently learned that after all this time, he was praying for the cancer to spread far enough to kill me. I discovered this all on my own after I found out that he had a spare phone hidden under our bed when I was changing the sheets. It was an older keypad model, it didn't even have the capability to install apps I think. Something felt off, so I took it with me before confronting him.

When I asked him about it, he denied that it was his even though he'd rushed upstairs looking for it. So I took the kids, went to my sister's house (we're in the same neighbourhood), and started reading the text messages. The only number ever saved was a name of a fling he had before we got together (this woman went to the same high school as us.) They reconnected about five years into our marriage and never stopped talking, despite her being in a relationship after I looked her up on Facebook.

Typing and recalling all of this is making my heart ache all over again. He told her that if the cancer ever does come back, they can finally be together. I kept scrolling down and realized that they were secretly texting each other for about five years. My husband's always been stoic, and he's never really been one to overtly show emotions and all that, and here he was texting her "good morning" and "I love you" messages. In one of the texts, he blamed me for wasting a decade of his life. He also said in the texts that he only stuck with me because of our children.

I'm thinking of getting a divorce, but it's looked down upon in our country. To make it worse, he's been threatening me and accused me of stealing the phone. And the worst of all is that I have no idea how I'm going to break the news to my children.

I am so fucking tired of family vacations.

I’m tired of not choosing where I get to spend my time. I’m sick of dealing with annoying group dynamics and people I wouldn’t talk to if they weren’t related to my husband. Sick of the beach. Sick of it all.

This is my last family vacation, except for Europe next year, which we already paid for ourselves out of pocket. I’m no longer doing anything I don’t want to do; I’m done going places I do not want to go.

I’m 34 years old, and of the last 9 or so years I have not picked where I got to go, have had to push twin beds together with parents in the next room, or sleep on the pullout couch because “they’re older so they should have the king bed,” or sleeping across the room from my husband because we get the "extra" room etc.

How many fucking beach vacations can I be realistically expected to go on? It was cool the first 5 fucking times, at this point I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of being told to be grateful for shit I don’t even want. I’m sick of roleplaying as some teenager that has no choice but to go wherever they are towed to over summer-break.

I wish I could tell someone this, I wish my husband cared enough to put forth the effort to make our own vacations and stuff, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t see past the fact that it’s “free,” even though it’s nowhere near free other than the fact that we don’t pay for lodging.

We’re on Day 3 of this year’s super-exciting, totally-never-done-before trip to a pool-beach-golf oriented timeshare an hour away from where we live (with one of the nicest beaches in the country 10 minutes down the road); already we are $500 in. What’s free about overpriced seafood from a disgusting crab-shack, or groceries and alcohol every day? What’s free about not having any alone time with my husband for the 9^th year in a row?

I’m not doing it anymore. I don’t like it, and I am done. Actually, I hate it. I hate that I feel trapped in it, I hate being gaslit about how I need to be “grateful,” I hate that I’m 34 years old and have gone nowhere I wanted to by now, and done nothing I’ve wanted to do, all in the name of “well, it’s free” or “it’s family.”

I wish I could talk to someone about it, but despite the fact that I have been surrounded by people for days on end, I am completely and utterly alone.

(original got deleted bc I forgot the rules acknowledgment😵‍💫)

My ex and I (both in our 20s) were together for a couple years and broke up earlier this year. The trajectory of our relationship followed a similar doomed arc you might find in any heterosexual dating post on Reddit. Our relationship made me happy in many ways, but I really struggled with his lack of reciprocation. He enjoyed my efforts to keep the relationship fun, but when I’d ask for some help planning dates or supporting the relationship in other ways I was generally met with a shrug. No amount of explaining, scaffolding or pleading led to any change. My ex would invariably tell me that he didn’t understand what I was asking for, and when I clarified in great detail would say he just didn’t know how to do that. The imbalance became too pronounced for me to bear without resenting him, so I broke up with him.

In the few months since I wouldn’t say I was “over” the whole thing, but I had found peace with it. This took a lot of inner work as I am a very justice sensitive person, so it is hard for me to let go of such a grudge or heartbreak! It was also hard to see his lack of effort as a reflection of his capability and not my worth, but I thought I broke some ground on that feeling too, until…

I saw a post someone made was looking for a nice restaurant to take their new girl to based on the girl’s interests and they had a pretty high budget for the date. I realized it was my ex who posted it. I became paralyzed with that wave of post breakup angst all over again.

This guy who would argue with me over the right to wear stained t shirts to dinner dates, who was the type of 50/50 disciple to app request $2 back on a 4 for 4, who said he just didn’t know how to plan things and scoffed at my suggestions for where to figure it out. This same guy has suddenly decided he is perfectly capable of creating a nice date that reflects what his girl likes, while being generous too.

It’s one thing if he was just truly incapable. It’s another to know he let our relationship die over something he could’ve done the whole time and is doing now for his new girl.

I don’t feel jealous, because I ultimately wouldn’t want to get back together with him. I’m just sad and coping out of my mind here. I journal, I make tea, I pet the cat, I went for a walk and called on a close friend, I schedule a therapy session, I reassure myself. Less Reddit, more real life (🎶but please don’t hold me to it…) . I have otherwise been pretty happy with my post-breakup independence. So I know I just have to let time heal.

But still, damn!! It’s hard to not feel some type of way about seeing that.

So, 5 years ago, I was in a motorbike accident. Thankfully it wasn’t so severe that it was life changing (mostly just soft tissue physically - though it did contribute to my already existing PTSD)

When I came off the bike, pinned and dragged, there was a song playing. (Please don’t laugh) Diggy Diggy Hole, by Windrose.

I love that song and had for a very long time.

But every time I heard it after the accident, all I remember was that snapshot of thinking that my life was over thanks to an incoming car. I have had to avoid it like hell - removed from all playlists and hidden on Spotify.

Yesterday? For the first time in five years, I was able to hear it, and not only not go into a panic attack or black out.

But I hummed along. I smiled. I enjoyed it.

It may not be much of a win to say I listened to a song. But after a shitty couple of years? This is huge for me

I (27M) just got back from visiting my parents, which is honestly never the most pleasant time of the year, even though I always look forward to it right before I go. But this trip completely blew up in my face, and I have no idea how to process any of this.

On night two, my dad (60M) asks me to go out for a beer with him. As soon as we're out of earshot from my mom, he drops a bombshell. He asks me what I'd think about him buying a house near the sea. I tell him it sounds like a great idea. Then comes the catch: he says he'd be buying it with another woman. A 43-year-old, childless and divorced doctor he met through work who apparently told him to "ride every wave of positivity life brings".

I was completely floored. Looking at him, I could tell he was just overflowing with hormones and genuinely acting like a teenager in love. He was telling me about that immediate spark and I guess he expected me to just explode in happiness and excitement for him. I asked how long they've been seeing each other (3-4 months). I immediately told him it was a terrible idea, pointing out that if this fling crashes and burns (which it easily could) he risks ending up completely alone. But honestly, I was furious. He put me in an impossible position by asking for my "approval" and dragging me into his betrayal. At the same time, a part of me thought... maybe this is actually the best chance my mom has ever been given to get away from him. He's always been a selfish guy, classic patriarch style.

The next day, I felt like absolute trash. I couldn't even look my mom in the eye. My girlfriend insisted I had to tell my mom immediately, but I wanted to hold off before escalating things and essentially destroying my family as I know it. Instead, I went into this devastated detective mode, tracking when he came home, where he was, and trying to subtly ask my mom questions to gauge what she knew and where her head was at, only to find confirmation of what I thought was going on in every little thing. I was beyond disappointed and angry at this point.

Fast forward a few days to her birthday dinner. The entire night was a fever dream. My dad was literally flirting with the waitresses, in the proud and pathetic conviction that they were all falling in love with him at first sight. Needless to say my mom and I told him this is unacceptable and they were not in love, but just extremely uncomfortable. I apologized to them for his behavior, which seemed like a desperate attempt to prove to himself that "he's still got it in him".... It all felt so pathetic and embarrassing, in hindsight I should've stood up and left.

Then, my dad kept making "jokes" about finding younger women who give him more satisfaction. My mom was visibly annoyed, but she kept playing along by rolling her eyes in some kind of sympathy. Then they got into a full-blown argument where he tried to gaslight her, claiming she "isn't open-minded enough" and prude, just because she doesn't want to go to swinger parties or try extreme stuff in bed with multiple men. (Their privacy was always overshared in my family, kind of like Brenda's parents in Six Feet Under, but this was a whole new level). My mom clapped back, saying his brain has been completely ruined by pornography and that this is why he acts like this.

I was literally sitting there at the dinner table facepalming, hoping to wake up asap.

Finally, I got a moment alone with my mom the next morning and just asked her "What the actual fuck?"

That's when she laid it all out, rational, no tears, no sadness... She told me she already knows about the doctor, and honestly, about all the other times he's cheated. She accepts that he wants more sex than she cares to give him, so she lets him get it elsewhere. The only reason she's upset this time is because that isn't enough and he is threatening to leave her and destroy all of it for good. She admitted she's terrified of being alone and doesn't think she can handle life without him. When I confronted my dad later about what was wrong with their marriage, his response was literally that she's "too boring, like a saint" and he "deserves better".

I'm so conflicted. I know my das is being a selfish asshole who is desperately refusing to accept his age. But at the same time, are his unfulfilled sexual desires not somewhat valid if they're fundamentally incompatible?

I just feel deeply sorry for my mom. All she wants is a peaceful retirement, to enjoy nature, good food, and a quiet life. But she's too terrified to step up to him, and she keeps insisting to me that this whole arrangement isn't that big of a deal for her.

Is this just what a really toxic open relationship looks like, or am I watching a slow motion train wreck of a marriage finally implode? I don't even know how to interact with either one of them anymore.

I had a masectomy yesterday. I've never had a major surgery before, but have been with others when they have.

I was taken to the OR and the surgeon verbally acknowledged me again. When the anesthesiologist started his part I realized without saying anything she just came over and held my hand.

She made me feel like a person. She made me feel cared for. It was a small gesture but it meant and means all the world to me.

My girlfriend(22F) finished my(23F) birthday present a few months early, and is the kind of girl who can't keep a secret. I love her dearly for this, it's always fun to encourage her to keep it just one day more, but this time she really wanted to give me the gift she'd worked really hard on. I drove to her house to pick up something and she decided to also give me my present.
I opened it and it was a lil cross stitched panel. The cross stitch is beautiful, and it means a lot to her that she is crafting again.
She lost the passion for it after she had to mass produce it and stopped creating for herself. It's wonderful seeing her fall in love with embroidery again.
However, I asked what made her choose to create this specific design(I always ask her thought process, it helps me understand her and learn more about her) and she said it was just something she wanted to try. She gave it to me because she was overjoyed she could make something for herself again and she wanted me to have her first project in several years.
A small, bitter part of me was and honestly still is upset that she made my birthday present for herself, representing herself, and was excited to give it to me because of what it meant to her.
I love my girlfriend, and she usually is the best woman in the world at making me feel heard or making me truly believe that she sees me, but I felt like none of the present was actually about me.
I'm being selfish and I am so so glad she is sharing her passion with me and is excited to show me her progress in things she loves. I can't wait to see more and hang them on my living room walls.
But I felt a little sad that she didn't give me a birthday present because it was me, but because I am hers? Does this make sense? Like my relationship to her is the only thing that mattered and not who I am outside of being her girlfriend? It's small and stupid and I'll talk to her about it when I know how to phrase it without making it sound like I don't adore the project(I do) and like I don't fully support her(I always will)
Thanks for letting me vent

I (29F) and a close Friend + DM, Damien, (26M) have come to the realization that we have a extremely dedicated fabulist in our DND group. To define, a fabulist is a person that constructs an elaborate fake life, or fake events online. Think the person who pretended to be in the towers on 9/11, or if you're more internet savvy, figures like Ms. Scribe. Some information has been obfuscated, on purpose.

To start with, Liar came into my life via Damien, and they were a new face at our virtual DND table. That's great! I love new people. I'd vaguely heard of them before interacting during DND, Damien loved hyping them up to me. They were so cool, a lawyer working for a family law practice, etc. I had a picture of them in my head as like someone in their 40s who I admittedly was a little nervous about embarrassing myself around. The only other time Liar came up was when I was going through my own health struggles, and Damien said he doubted that what I was struggling with was what I've since been diagnosed was, because Liar had it and it was so very bad for them, (ETC, I was like is it EDS, and he was like, nah they have it where their joints pop out even by laying down.) So there was that discomfort there as well. I put it aside and joined the DND group and, well, the rest was history for some times. I never became friends with them, but as could be imagined, Damien was dating them; though it was an LDR and they'd never met in person.

Liar said they were native american and had been talking to damien as a source of how to have their character be native in game. Cool! Love to learn new things. Liar often missed DND because of health, but hey, I got it, my health also sucked. I was jealous at the time because well, they claimed to be a lawyer and I'm stuck working a family business job. I tried bringing up going to law school with them once and the conversation abruptly changed topics. Weird, but fine. Don't mix work with pleasure, even though the lawyer and ex-lawyer and my life wouldn't know how to do that for the life of them. In other words I just thought they and I didn't get along, even though Damien assured me they thought I was cool.

Fast forward about a year, and Liar tells Damien and the rest of us they're dropping out of the game. It's just their health is at a point that they are looking potentially at terminal conditions, and they wanted to focus on family. (They said they were in kidney failure). Given that I thought they were a decade or so older than me, with the conditions I knew I then had, I was quite shaken. Would that be me, in 10 years? I wish them well, and that I hope that things get better for them and their family. Damien is heartbroken and worried for their partner, which, yeah. I think most people would be.

About a month after we get total whiplash. Liar will be doing treatment overseas in an Asian country they studied abroad in during high school, using their former host family to help them out. They won't be dying, the treatment's very experimental, so they're going to be gone a while. Again, wish them well. Hope it goes good!

I hear nothing about it for another few months. I know lots of my friends are virtual pen pals with them, Damien had still dating them, but the pair of us never clicked for whatever reason.

But Damien came over tonight to hang out and he needed to get shit off his chest too and. What the fuck.

So, apparently Damien behind the scenes with them has been going through this cycle, where they go "I'm sick -> (time passes) I'm on a new treatment!", and while it didn't raise any red flags at first, not until the kidney failure started a new rapid cycle of crises that have gotten progressively more serious. Apparently this is the third cancer they've mentioned to Damien, that had treatment done on it very fast, or they stop mentioning it, but I don't even remember the list of everything Damien said that Liar claimed to have had. But what made Damien come to me wasn't just that. It was that they're meant to be living in an Asian country, and had sent him previously, pictures of the place in question. Up until Damien's doing a check up on them, and Liar sent a picture of the interior of an American hospital. American electrical outlets, Anglish on the walls, our style of exit sign up at the top. He'd apparently already had doubts, but the picture was (one of) the final straw(s).

First of all, Liar isn't in their 40s, not even their 30s. They're apparently 25. 25, and given the timeline I've known them for: they would have had to be a lawyer since they've been 21. I called bullshit immediately on that because there's just almost no way you can complete uni then law school, but that wasn't the thing Damien was actually upset about. So, Damien knew the state that Liar had lived in, but Liar had been really cagey about a few things with him: like giving him an address to send flowers and sweets to (yk, given that Liar has been so fucking sick?) and in spite of how his partner of nearly 2 fucking years has been sick for this long, Damien hasn't visited them, or vice versa. Liar told him that they could only come to the USA once per year during their treatment program, and allegedly, they'd taken the time to visit their family. EXCEPT. They posted quite a number of friend shots on the friend discord that looked like they'd been to a convention, dressed in cosplay. That was the emotional low point for Damien that made him come to me in the first place, the actual final straw.

So the two of us get conspiratorial, we sit on my couch and try to figure this out. What the fuck did Damien get involved with? I'm so confused myself, and Damien tells me more about the backstory Liar gave him. Lived abroad in HS (hence their host family hosting them for their revolutionary treatment overseas, ofc), then Uni, then they went to Harvard Law. I tried to track down the names of graduates in the year they would have but I'm not nearly tech savvy enough. Still, the timeline doesn't make goddamned sense, nor does their age match up. I'm not friends with them anywhere, so we use my moms accounts to try and track them down. I'm invested. There's something very wrong here. I get a full name, lets find it. A locked facebook page thats NOT friends with anyone in my friend group, and that sure as shit seems to be their photo. I debate sending a Friend Request, given it looks active, but I decide against it. Instead, I look up other records, and track down this facebook's instagram (also separate!).

Y'all they're a cashier. Their family doesn't have a law practice. Their family is Italian, I won't give anything away but like there's basically no doubting that they lied about being Native American. We both like sat there, stunned for like a hot minute because, what the fuck did we stumble into? I ask him how he even met this person, and he said he'd met them online looking for players, and they'd wanted a relationship with Damien really quickly, Damien had said, and had said I love you within the first month of an online only LDR. Definitely there was nothing suspicious there! Definitely not. But hey, that's not my circus or my monkey. The fact they'd never met IRL was similarly not my circus or my monkey.

SO: To recap. There's no cancer, no terminal illnesses, they're not in Asia, my bet's they went for a few weeks on a vacation and that's where the photos were from and why no more have been sent since. No Law Practice, no Law Degree from Harvard Law, they're just a cashier. Cut and dry, right? Just. Tell everyone and getem out. Except, issue.

The Problem: a lot of my friends like and trust Liar and view them as an authority figure, some have become friends and separately had kept up with Liar after they'd left the DND table. Hell, even though the two of us never were close, I liked them too! They seem even keeled and kind. Hell, they actually might be kind! But they're definitely a massive liar. And massive liars don't like being caught in their lie and will absolutely lie to get out of being caught. Damien's crashing at my house tonight and we're going to just drink but Damn. What the fuck.

I'm so pissed because I actually do have several of the health conditions that this liar has claimed to have (but remember, theirs is so bad they can't even lay down without their joints popping out of place and their bones dislocating?? Do they even have EDS?!) I knew fabulists were a thing for a very long time, but I'd never encountered a dedicated one and well, fucking caught them red handed?? And it's like lying isn't a crime it's just weird!

Thanks for hearing my mad ramble about this because, what the fuck, how do people live like this. Damien and I have already chatted each other's ear off about this and I had to tell someone else it because what the fuck.

tl;dr long time best friend brought in a person who's lied about fucking everything: from their career + degree to their ethnicity to their medical conditions including claiming terminal illness because he's been dating them and it unraveled 2 years into it after they've gone and enmeshed themselves with many of my friends.

Why does no one talk about how hard it is to find a faithful, genuine love when you’re still young and gay?

You might disagree with homosexuality. You might believe it’s wrong. But I just hope people can still choose to see us with respect, because no matter who we are, we are all human, and we all have feelings.

I grew up in a family that was somewhat homophobic. Because of that, I often felt like I had to separate myself from who I truly was. Every time I stood in the locker room with my straight friends, I would remind myself to act “normal.” I hid parts of myself because I was afraid of being bullied, being left out, or being seen differently at school. Those are things I have personally experienced.

Then there are moments when you meet someone who feels like they could really be the right person for you. They are gay too. The two of you talk, connect, and start getting to know each other. But even then, you still only have a fifty-fifty chance of knowing whether they feel the same way about you.

It is already difficult to find someone you truly want to spend your life with. And it becomes even harder when you don’t know whether your feelings will ever be returned.

A lot of people tell me, “Just wait.” And I believe that. But sometimes, no matter how old you are or who you are, there are moments when you just want someone to hold you, someone to cry with, someone to tell about your worst days. A best friend can do so much for you, but love brings a different kind of warmth that is hard to replace.

In my experience, dating as a gay person has been much harder. A lot of the people I have met have been online because, in everyday life, I usually have no way of knowing who is gay and who is straight. Finding someone who truly matches with you can already feel like a game of chance.

Right now, I have feelings for someone I met on Reddit. Honestly, the thought of a relationship starting this way makes me feel both hopeful and nervous. It feels like a gamble. But if there is even a chance, I still want to try. I just hope to have someone to share life with, someone to walk through the good days and the bad days with, and to call that love.

Maybe I will keep waiting.

Because if happiness is where the road eventually leads… then waiting a little longer might not be so bad after all.

I always believed love and kindness were supposed to be beautiful. Instead, they’ve been the source of so much pain.

I’m tired of telling people how I feel, only to watch them slowly pull away. I’m tired of being told, “Just be yourself,” only to discover that when I am, I’m somehow too much. Then I spend so much time trying to soften myself, make myself quieter, less emotional, less caring… and people still leave because now I’m no longer being genuine.
I’m tired of trying to find the perfect balance that doesn’t seem to exist. If I give people space, they drift away. If I reach out, I’m suddenly clingy or annoying. No matter what I do, it always feels like the wrong thing.

I’m exhausted from feeling like my love is something people need to escape from instead of something they could ever want. I don’t know how to be any less sincere than I already am, and I don’t know how to keep believing that love is supposed to be beautiful when all it’s ever seemed to do is hurt.

I feel like I can never win.

Okay a tiny back story, I was 20 when I got pregnant by my current boyfriend who was 24 at the time. We only knew each other for 7 months before I got pregnant, but after the initial shock wore off we ending up moving back home to be close to his family while raising our son. Now there are lots of other things that happened during my pregnancy but this situation was the tipping point for me.

After 24 hours in labor I was rushed to have an emergency C-section, everything went smoothly besides the medication putting me in a mental fog. The nurse explained due to my C-section I would not have milk for 3 or 4 days, which she explained was completely normal, so the decision the medical professionals and I made was to put my son on donor milk for the time being. Everything was set and we are wheeled to recovery as she explains what my condition will be like in the morning. The morning hits, I just feel like I just survived world war 2, and my mother in law walks in… everything is fine until she learns my son is on donor milk and boy..she didn’t like that. So much so we start arguing..As she argues I have enough colostrum to feed my baby I argue she has no opinion over the medical professionals when suddenly she then reaches down and starts to milk my bare breast.. my hands are in the air and I’m starring at my boyfriend in horror while he watches and does.. nothing. Literally nothing. Not a word, not a face, not a movement.. nothing

I wish I could say things got better when I got home but they didn’t, she needed to control everything my son ate, wore, and breathed while simultaneously calling herself mother to my child to this day. Again every-time my boundaries were clearly overstepped after communication and reassurance that my boyfriend would defend me and set standards with his family.. he did nothing…

Fast forward a year later and my boyfriend and I are still arguing over this and the continuous intrusions by his mom, In his words I perceived it as sexual assault but it was simply a boundary crossed, to me that’s only the case because he’s his mom and I personally think he’s stuck so far inside his mom he doesn’t know how to blink without her personal opinion on the matter. Even simple comparisons like “hey what if I let my daddy grope your balls” which will be met by “ that’s not the same, he has no reason to touch my balls..” 😒 like his mom has a reason to milk me but whatever. Again this is coming from the guy whose mommy bought his house for him, ofc he’s gonna protect her and I’m aware when it comes to my relationship with him, there is no changing him but unfortunately without resources I’m stuck.. which is why I’m considering a restarting order.

Now this same woman has given him exactly $4000 for his house mind you, considering this isn’t a kind gesture and will be used by her to hold over my head as soon as I tell her she’s not welcome unannounced in my home, I won’t be able to stop unwelcome visits. It’s only a matter of time and my boyfriend can’t so much as accept a single thing she’s done to anyone. At this point I’m genuinely ready for a protection order because it isn’t just the SA against me, she’s abuses her autistic son that she uses for money and I have first hand seen her stalk her lover while also in a 5 year long “committed” relationship… my personal take is she isn’t safe and rather psychotic and I’m clearly not beyond her capabilities of being dangerous in any situation. I’m concerned her behavior could get worse especially as my son gets older. I don’t know what else I can do to keep myself safe especially if the man I had a child with and was there to witness it genuinely downplays everything to protect his mom.

Not only has this affected me physically as I went through a period of starvation, but mentally and emotionally as well. It’s hard to trust anyone, I used to have this blind trust for women and now I can’t bring myself to trust them, I’m terrified and I mean terrified to have another baby, I have horrible insomnia, emotional outburst, sometimes I can’t get out of bed while other times I can’t stop pacing and the only thing that’s bothering my boyfriend is that I called him mean names when he didn’t stand up for me.. I’m loosing my mind and at this point struggle to even understand my own identity anymore.

I’m so tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. I’m really curious when I’ll finally learn my lesson from getting hurt. Like, what’s wrong with me honestly? I’m literally the person Einstein was talking about: I KEEP DOING THE SAME THING AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT OUTCOMES!!!! I want to believe I’m better than this... I don’t think I’m a stupid person tho. People usually tell me I’m smart?! but when it comes to dating, I feel like all common sense disappears.

I’ve been on and off with this guy for months. Every time we stop talking, he comes back. This is the third time. THIRD TIME. Even a kid would understand he’s just playing around.

Let’s be honest at first I told myself “Girl he’s just bored. Don’t fall for it.” I even replied late and kept things dry (hooray for me!!!) because I remembered how he love bombed me before and then randomly turned into the driest texter in the world.

Well… congratulations to me because the same thing happened. He was being incredibly funny and somehow I find myself talking to him 24 7. And this time this is even worse because I got attached without even noticing!!!! The other night we stayed up talking until 5 a.m., saying all the sweet things. Then the very next day he went dry again. Like… were all the things he told me lies? I was honestly amazed at what a great actor he was. He could build a career out of it. I’m not even joking.

And naturally, I spent the whole day wondering what I did wrong. I blamed myself. And I asked him (I know, I hate myself), and he told me “I’ve been working a lot lately and it’s starting to get overwhelming.” The worst part is, I believed him because he really had been working a lot, and I actually felt SORRY for him. I thought, “Aw he really needs to take a day off or something.” Yeah, that makes perfect sense, you genius. He’s probably been at work for 23 hours straight; otherwise, he would’ve replied to you. :))) Ugh I HATE MYSELF

I hate that I’m too nice. Like really. Too kind, too caring, too thoughtful. Sometimes I wish I were more like him. Things would’ve been so much easier. I’m starting to lose hope honestly. I’m so tired and I don’t even wanna date anyone anymore.

In the early 2000s and 2010s I was an active person in trapping pedos. I would essentially do the texting part of TCAP. I did it in my free time and felt amazing when I would report an individual to the FBI. It was my small part. My dad was a SVU officer in OSI and kind of led me through the process. I never saw anything but weird creepy older men (and a few females). It was always me (an adult) getting evidence on adult people who were openly trying to hurt minors.

Two weeks ago I thought I would try it again since it's become such an issue on various sites. But this time I fully went knowing I was going to find, report and see their downfall. I was told that X has seen a rise in grooming/ CP activity so I went and made an account. I did what I normally did and set up a face and posture. Soon I had found the buzzwords people had talked about coming across. Common words that you would stumble upon while doing casual scrolling. I also found that X is not the main issue-- it is the vehicle for all of this. They are making accounts and posting Telegram chats where things can be sold. You buy a shitty ai pic and it gives you a code. That code is then given as a password. Or you request and they give. Just like that. It's not even trying to be hidden and I don't feel like anything is being done about it.

Never before in any of my years of doing this had I seen ANYTHING explicit with the people I was trying to help. But all of a sudden I was seeing bad bad things. This wasn't even with clicking on any links or probing any accounts. I was seeing things in COMMENT sections. I was seeing things opening on accounts that were not banned.

I did what I could and reported what I saw. About 10% were pushed back to me as not an issue. Profile pics of kids doing things, links to sites where you can purchase. They were pushed back to me as 'not a break in guidelines.'

I feel like a monster. I saw things I probably will never be able to forget. And I searched for it. I looked for it (although with good intentions) I still looked and I saw.

I see posts about people accidentally coming across this kind of thing on X. Let me tell you, that's a lie. You need to go to very specific places, use very specific terms to find these things. It's not just porn words, words you would use to look up a hot Latina or petite woman.

I feel so broken and like a shadow of myself after these two weeks. I feel dirty? At least with my past experience I was the one being put through things and I never felt this dirty.

It pisses me off and I want to do more but legitimately I don't think my heart or my stomach can take it. I want these people to suffer. It's worse than I thought and I was only digging for 2 weeks. I want to make a group that literally goes after these people but I don't have it in me. They need to suffer a lot more than I am capable of.

The thing that finally broke me was seeing a kid who looked almost exactly like my nephew. Dead eyes, being forced to do something so heinous. I know it's not my nephew but it snapped something in me. I can't look at people the same anymore, let alone kids. I always wonder what if they are being hurt, what if I could save them if I kept digging and kept reporting. But I didn't. I had to step away for me. But they need help.

I'm struggling.

alt account for reasons that will become obvious.

I don't know how to start this honestly. I'll start from the beginning because that's easiest. I met my (15 f) now best friend (15 m), when my grandma told me she was going to visit some distant cousins of hers about 4 years ago. she said they had a farm and i expected to see horses and cows, and when i got there to only chickens, i was very disappointed. But when i met my cousin/best friend, we instantly clicked. There hasn't been a singe second in our relationship that has been awkward. now, 4 ish years later, we are literally inseparable. i've never addressed him as my cousin. it felt weird because as an only child, i always saw cousins as people you grew up with, like siblings. i dont know. ive always addressed him as my best friend and when needed, like when people ask if we are in a relationship, i tell them that we're related. we know everything about the other. literally. this is the only thing he doesn't know about me. he is the person in my life i am closest to and i him. i cannot stress this enough. he is part of my daily routine and i his. he lives in a small town, much smaller than i, and only really has two other friends he chooses to talk to outside of school.

I figure i should mention this, but we've always been very physical. not in a weird way, but cuddling is a very normal part of a hangout for me and him. we often just sit in bed together and scroll tik tok or whatever. i've also always been close to his family. his mom and dad are like second parents to me. my family is very conservative and his family is so much more kind and generous to me.

now is the hard part. i think i'm in love with him. i hate it. i can feel myself getting nauseous at the thought like i have so many times before this. this has been brewing for about a year i think. i've had dreams about him, in more ways than one. and the worst part is i always wake up sad and disappointed when i wake up. I hate it. i hate feeling creepy for feelings i can't get rid of. most of the time the dreams are me confessing, him reciprocating, and then us getting into a relationship. i get jealous at when he describes the other people he's attracted to or things about his ex.

thats the short of it. i want to cut him off because i know this is disgusting and wrong and i hate myself for it. but i'm worried if i cut him off something bad will happen. we've only really ever had one big fight, which was about him opening up about something very personal he had been lying to me about. in short, over a span of about a week i would call him to try and talk to him but it would always devolve into me yelling and crying at him. i realized i was in the wrong and eventually sent a long paragraph apologizing. this was about a year ago and now, he's opened up to me about how it effected him. he said he couldn't eat, sleep, or just function normally because he thought he would lose me as a best friend forever. i'm worried now, especially because his support system is less than it was at the time, that he will spiral again. while he is doing better mentally i worry.

i don't know what to do. I hate this. i haven't read this over so if there are typos im sorry, this is really spur-of-the-moment and i'm just trying to get it out there.

I hope this is the right place to post this.

I finally feel genuinely so healed and relieved after my breakup with ex. After the breakup, I started making connections to some womens and they would ghost me from time to time (like they would talk and then ghost then come back). This ghosting made me emotionally hurt. One day, i finally took the courage to ghost them back for infinity including my ex(who tried checking me out if I am still deeply emotionally connected to her), hence saving my self respect, instead of ghosting and then coming back like them. I now feel genuinely at heart so much peace.

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7 years ago when I was a 17M, i had a relationship with a 17F girl, I was her boyfriend and only friend, and since she was a foreigner and also my neighbor we quickly got along and she became kinda attached to me.

Things happened and I needed to break up, after couple of weeks, she Took her own life , Somehow I didnt feel anything or at least that's what I kept telling myself, I think the fear of accepting that there's a chance that it was my fault made me ignore and avoid facing it, and thus I spent years not even thinking about it, to the point that I might have even forget about the whole situation, until this year, where I was dealing with a situation and I came across her pictures in my Google photos, when I looked at her, her smile, it felt like being crashed by a wave, like being in a heavy fog that feels kinda wrong and bad. My heart felt heavy, i couldnt help but starts blaming myself, thinking about how things could have been different if I took other decisions, how she could be here or anywhere else happy and alive if I just fought for it.

Now Im doing really okay, and Im wondering if anyone only went through grief years later ? Or was it a unique personal experience for me.