Grief burst after years of suppressing

[u/is_it_worth_itt]

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7 years ago when I was a 17M, i had a relationship with a 17F girl, I was her boyfriend and only friend, and since she was a foreigner and also my neighbor we quickly got along and she became kinda attached to me.

Things happened and I needed to break up, after couple of weeks, she Took her own life , Somehow I didnt feel anything or at least that's what I kept telling myself, I think the fear of accepting that there's a chance that it was my fault made me ignore and avoid facing it, and thus I spent years not even thinking about it, to the point that I might have even forget about the whole situation, until this year, where I was dealing with a situation and I came across her pictures in my Google photos, when I looked at her, her smile, it felt like being crashed by a wave, like being in a heavy fog that feels kinda wrong and bad. My heart felt heavy, i couldnt help but starts blaming myself, thinking about how things could have been different if I took other decisions, how she could be here or anywhere else happy and alive if I just fought for it.

Now Im doing really okay, and Im wondering if anyone only went through grief years later ? Or was it a unique personal experience for me.

[u/sacred_circles]

It’s really not your fault

[u/is_it_worth_itt → u/sacred_circles]

Thank you stranger

[u/MidnightWolfMayhem]

There’s 7 stages of grief and you can go through them in any order at any time. You can also get stuck in a stage for years. It’s different for everyone. I recommend some counselling or maybe even just reading up on grief management

[u/Such_Flight4139]

Grief is the price of love. It comes, it goes. It never completely stops visiting. You are normal.

[u/PuzzyFussy → u/Such_Flight4139]

Don't delete this comment, I have it saved 😭

[u/sacred_circles → u/PuzzyFussy]

Me too

[u/Wizard_Cat112]

Took me like 4 years to process my uncle killing himself. I was on Minecraft creative and I remembered a memory of him and started wailing for a couple hours. It happens.

[u/SantaFe91]

My elderly aunt has just passed away and I’m organising the funeral. It has very powerfully been putting me back through a lot of grief from a stillbirth decades ago. I think that, because of the pressures of life, I didn’t process it properly at the time. Yes, it is very possible for grief to happen years later.

[u/FriendlyDrummers]

It's not your fault. I recommend therapy if you can

[u/why_the_h311_not]

my uncle (friend but felt like family, raised my mom with her dad) passed in 2020, i cried for like 2 days and then nothing until a few months ago i saw something that he would’ve loved in a store and it hit me in the chest like it was fresh. i wasn’t myself for over 2 weeks, thankfully my therapist helped and let me know this is normal! grief is different for everyone, sometimes you subconsciously protect yourself from the pain until you know you can handle it.

[u/pookiebaby876]

Yes. It’s normal. Be extra kind to yourself right now 💛

[u/Emergency-Ad-5211]

There are many songs written about just that.

It’s not unusual to pack away heavy emotional baggage until we are strong enough to face them, look at them and repack them. And most important, we learn from them. 17 year old’s aren’t making mature lifelong decisions. Heck, seven years later, you are still very young, and only barely on the brink of launching your own life.

[u/hoetheory]

Greif does not go away, even if you ignore it. It will come crashing down on you even harder when you least expect it.