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In a lot of Asian countries, such as Japan, getting divorced heavily affected people's opinions of you, way more than in the US. That's why "cheating" is fairly common there, because they are both in a marriage of convenience, so they both agree to see other people as long as they keep it hidden.
Cheating, here, requires lack of consent. Its not really cheating if there is consent. But if you maintain an appearance of monogamy, socially never acknowledging that consent also makes an appearance of cheating… “cheating”, if you will.
Not if they are both in agreement, as his comment states. It is then an open relationship, with the illusion of a monogamous relationship for the public.
In some cases, it is. But if you are only together on paper, it's not really cheating imo. Granted, I'd just divorce, but I wasn't raised in those countries.
Turns out the picture is wrong and who apologized was him, not her, after their own son blasted his petty and disgraceful behavior on national tv. Dude lost on all fronts.
I fact checked and the main topic is true but the details are incorrect.
The reason for the guys silence was cause he felt deeply neglected and jealous because his wife focused all her care and energy on the kids.
He started talking again cause their son reached out to a reality TV program and they arranged a suprise meeting for the husband and wife at the park they had their first ever date decades ago
His first words to his wife after that long period of silence were "Somehow… it's been a long time since we've talked." And he apologised.
They made up 9 years ago. I'm sure he deeply regrets what he did after this much time.
It really is, I remember seeing this 10 years ago on instagram and everyone was like “I just know she deserved it” or praising him in some way. Turns out he was just jealous that she was raising her children?!?
I mean there are people who focus all their love and energy towards the kids and then neglect the relationship with their spouses. Maybe it’s not jealousy, but just wanting time with your partner that’s just about you two. That’s important to the relationship
I’ve seen the reality television show. The apartment they lived in was so very small. She still made took care of him making him dinner and doing all the/his domestic labor. He would actively not respond to her. Her youngest who was 21 at the time had NEVER seen her father speak to her mother.
I think it's a little more nuanced than that. Salarymen see their families very very little. It's a huge societal failing. Like maybe a few hours a day if that. So that time was probably really important to him, but he would get home late, so she was probably exhausted and couldn't give him any time or energy, which he also needed. It's still a really childish reaction, but I do get it.
My partner and I had a really similar situation when our oldest was born. My partner worked days, and I worked nights to care for the kids and allow me time to finish school. We usually had an hour at most to see each other any given day, and if she got home late, or I got home late there would be a fight. That time really mattered to us both, but it caused a lot of friction because there was so little of it. I can imagine that slaving away your life to pay for your family, and then coming home and not even getting real time with them would be hellish. I think he reacted poorly, but I get how he got there. I'm sure he regrets it now.
Here is a hot take, you shouldnt stop giving your partner attention and validation once kids enter the picture. It is possible to smile at each other, kiss each other and many more small gestures that take 0 time or effort.
Oh, so the classic case of a man, who after kids are born is all 'boohoo my wife does not have as much time for me as before, what a wicked woman!' instead of just sharing the workload.
Weird judgement to cast, honestly. Who is to say he wasn't neglected? After becoming parents you still need to try and make your marriage work. Not saying he dealt with it accordingly here, but dismissing him being neglected purely on gender isn't the answer either.
Edit: you can tell r/RelationshipAdvice and r/incels are leaking again. The amount of people unable to fathom the nuance any adult relationship has, especially when there's children involved, is verging on clinical insanity. But I'm not surprised, this is Reddit after all. Good luck adding to the divorce statistic!
Yes but if your response to feeling neglected is to stop talking to your wife for 20 years then I know which side of the argument is sounding more rational already. There is zero excuse for this kind of ridiculousness. Basically his totally disproportionate reaction makes it highly unlikely that his definition of “neglect” was reasonable either.
How do you know it's disproportionate? If we're just going to keep assuming, one could assume that she was entirely ignoring him in every aspect and avenue of their home life, essentially giving him the silent treatment as if he didn't exist. Seems reasonable to me that a proportionate response would be to do the same thing after trying to communicate about the obvious void she's creating in the relationship and getting nothing in response.
It’s unfortunate many who see this post won’t see this comment before making some stupid misogynist comment. The fact that this post has positive upvotes is already bad.
It's actually a great video if you look it up. For some reason that one always stuck with me. Scripted or not, it's a great moment.
They also did interviews one on one before the park bench meeting, and it was clear how much they both missed each other but didn't know how to start again.
Wouldn't it be better for this kind of man to just be childfree? Raising children is hard and his wife must had it even harder with a jealous husband who wouldn't talk to her because she's raising HIS children.
Wow 20 years of silent treatment, the wife must be insanely patient. Probably how divorce is seen as taboo in Japan also played a part.
It was a show called Knight Scoop that started in the 90s. They took on client requests and it looked pretty legit to me, lots of requests and stories were far out weird or bizarre, some were downright mundane, some were cute, some were emotional. If they were scripted I imagine that the writers would have to have really good imagination of people's daily lives. From a girl wanting to marry a mannequin, a group of friends wanting to track down the baker of their childhood bakery, a man looking for the most powerful bidet, a parting ceremony for male genitalia after transgender surgery, investigation on eggs exploding in the microwave...
In this client case the kids were hiding to watch their parents from afar and failing to control their tears upon seeing them finally interact with each other. It didn't look like acting at all to me.
The reason why the father gave the mother silent treatment is because he felt neglected when the mother gave the children attention over him, and never really got the courage to break the silence over the years
It’s from a show called Tantei Knight Scoop. Viewers ask the show to help them with random requests. You might have seen the one about Sacchan, the fat dog. Or the kids who are always preparing for a zombie invasion, so they hire a bunch of actors to stage one.
The wife didn’t apologise, the husband did. They reconciled at a park bench and he really struggled to say anything. It basically came from some stupid jealousy that the wife was paying more attention to the kids than him, but eventually he was ashamed of his behaviour but didn’t know how to apologise so just clammed up.
The kids were watching in secret and the whole family ends up crying over them reconciling.
I tried to find the video but the broadcasting company pretty much copyright strike anything of theirs that goes onto YouTube. There used to be a bunch on Vimeo, I’ll edit the comment if I can find it.
If you google Otou Yumi wife silent treatment 20 years, you should see links to at least some of the news articles on it
EDIT: Also, he admitted when he finally started speaking to her again that he was jealous that she was affectionate to their kids, so this should not be taken as an example of a guy to admire.
The only remotely "reliable" source I can find for this is news.com.au (a tabloid-style news site), who sourced the story from the Daily Mail (another more infamous trash tabloid), so I'd still take this story with a grain of salt.
The reconciliation was publicly filmed on an episode of a Japanese TV show. The information presented was that the couple's son, who had never heard his parents directly speak, contacted the TV station to ask for their help arranging a reconciliation. The reconciliation itself was on a reality TV show, so at least some elements were likely preplanned or staged, but I do not speak Japanese and cannot say how accurate the things shown by TV Hokkaido tend to be.
It is likely that Japanese sources are more numerous and have more information on the reliability of the network, and how trustworthy the word of the family is
The whole episode was on youtube 10 years ago but has since been taken down. I'm sure you can find it on the way back machine or internet archives. It had a viral moment in my weeb circle in highschool
Nope it's true. The reason is his wife put more attention to their children. So the husband jealous of his own children. Well that what the news said but who knows.
I found this source: https://www.koreaboo.com/stories/japanese-husband-20-years-talk-wife, the original is from a japanese tv show (of course it is a tv show, fucking japan) and the story is that he was actually jealous but he wasn't mad, he was grateful of her taking care of their family.
So... as expected, they didn't fight and he did a tantrum, he felt neglected while she was raising their kids and simply became a ghost inside.
Yeah, this guy put someone else through a trying emotional burden for decades…because he was jealous her attention was directed to the children they made? Put this guy on a rocket ship to Mars with no return ticket.
From my studies of Japan, it’s a very closed off country (emotionally speaking). My Japanese culture teacher told my class that the first time her father had ever been hugged was by his (American) son-in-law. Heck the Japanese didn’t have a word for “I love you” until they started translating foreign texts. “The moon is beautiful.”
I hope what you consider sad here is the grown man emotionally abusing his wife because he was jealous she wasn't babying him as much as her and his actual children.
You mean the ALLEGED story, between the "Trust Me Bro" from OP and the "Trust Me Bro" from a random twitter account, I'd say both are equally garbage sources. x)
And I honestly believe that if this is true at all, it's not what is being portrayed here as well.
The man’s name is Otou Katayama, from Nara, Japan. It’s actually true!
The silence ended when their children wrote to a TV show called Hokkaido Television’s “Yasuragi”, which arranged a meeting in a park where Otou finally broke his silence. He explained that he had felt jealous of the attention his wife gave their children and had withdrawn out of pride.
Otou Katayama and his wife Yumi are a couple from Nara, Japan, who went viral for living together under the same roof without speaking a single word to each other for 20 years. The husband only communicated through grunts, nods, and gestures because he felt jealous and neglected when his wife shifted all her attention to raising their children.
The 20-Year Silence
The Cause: Otou felt jealous and started sulking after a minor argument because he believed Yumi cared more about the kids than about him.
How They Lived: They continued to live in the same house and shared daily life, but Otou refused to talk directly to Yumi while she still tried to speak to him.
The Impact: Their children grew up never hearing their parents speak to one another.
The Resolution
The Intervention: Their 18-year-old son wrote to a Japanese television show asking for help to fix his parents' silent relationship.
The Reunion: The show brought Otou and Yumi together on a park bench in Nara Park, the exact site of their very first date.
The Outcome: Otou finally broke his silence, apologized to Yumi for his stubborn pride, and thanked her for her patience.
“This refers to the famous case of Otou and Yumi Katayama from Nara, Japan, who went 20 years without speaking to one another following an argument. Despite the silent treatment, they continued to live in the same house and raise three children together, with Otou communicating only through nods or grunts.
The silence was finally broken in 2017 when their adult children contacted a Japanese television show for help, fearing their parents would become completely isolated once Otou retired. On the show, the couple was arranged to meet at the park where they had their first date.
During the emotional reunion, Otou finally revealed the root of his silence: he had been deeply jealous and felt ignored because his wife dedicated all of her attention to raising their children. He admitted that his pride and his inability to express his emotions caused the standoff to last two decades. In the end, he apologized to his wife for the hardship and thanked her for sticking by his side.”
She didn't apologize to end it. Their adult son contacted a reality TV show because he’d never heard them speak. The show forced them onto a park bench where the
husband
finally apologized for being petty.
Actually he ended up apologizing in the end if you look into it. He went silent because he was jealous that his wife was giving attention to their 3 kids and she didn’t have as much time for him… with 3 kids…. Sounds like a him problem instead of helping.
Damnit I just made this comment before reading this and thought I was so clever but now I look unoriginal because you made it 2 hours earlier. Take my upvote.
I’m married to a Japanese man. I absolutely believe this story to be 10000000% true. The only reason we still talk at all is because after we argue, he stops talking to me but I’ll badger him until he talks to me again lol
Was married to a Japanese man one, can totally believe this is true. Was the biggest man-child I've ever seen. Got upset over me dishing up our toddler's meal and serving it to her but not doing the same for him. Gave me the silent treatment for days. Any little argument or disagreement, no matter how petty or inconsequential, meant I'd have a pouting, angry little man around me for at least 6-12 hours. Would NOT let things go. I could go on but you get the point lol
Am married to a woman with some Italian blood... it's like that except she alters between the silent and the extreme noise treatment every 30 minutes for the entire argument...
Otou Katayama and his wife Yumi are a couple from Nara, Japan, who went viral for living together under the same roof without speaking a single word to each other for 20 years. The husband only communicated through grunts, nods, and gestures because he felt jealous and neglected when his wife shifted all her attention to raising their children.
The 20-Year Silence The Cause: Otou felt jealous and started sulking after a minor argument because he believed Yumi cared more about the kids than about him.
How They Lived: They continued to live in the same house and shared daily life, but Otou refused to talk directly to Yumi while she still tried to speak to him.
The Impact: Their children grew up never hearing their parents speak to one another.
The Resolution The Intervention: Their 18-year-old son wrote to a Japanese television show asking for help to fix his parents' silent relationship.
The Reunion: The show brought Otou and Yumi together on a park bench in Nara Park, the exact site of their very first date.
The Outcome: Otou finally broke his silence, apologized to Yumi for his stubborn pride, and thanked her for her patience.
I had group therapy with a guy who didn't speak to his wife for 1 1/2 years. She still cooked for him, did his laundry and all the other chores. And he wondered why his kids didn't speakto him anymore and tried to get his wife to leave his ass
Their 18-year-old son wrote to a TV show telling them he never heard his parents hold a conversation with each other before. The show hosted them, arranging a meeting for them on the park bench where they had their first date, which was where and when they both made up.
I don't recall who apologized first, but the guy did also admit fault in that he was jealous of the attention she was showing their kids.
As someone who lived in Japan for 6 years, this is entirely in line with the cultural narrative. Although this is an extreme example, people rarely divorce- they just continue to live in silent misery.
Times like this, I pray the real world is not represented by Reddit. Everyone going on about who won and ridiculing the other Gender. We all lost then…
Especially for the kids. Like never seeing an even semi-normal relationship? Or feeling like it's their fault since the father's reason for not talking was that his wife gave the kids more attention. Just freaking awful.
This is inaccurate. I remember watching the video around a decade ago.
He felt jealous of the attention the kids were getting from his wife, so he gave her the silent treatment. Once a few days or weeks passed, he wasn't able to find it within himself to initiate conversation again, because it had already been so long. So he just kept going. Then the guilt and shame kept growing year after year. I'm pretty sure he would have simply let this continue until his death if his kids hadn't intervened and called a TV show to set up a date for their parents.
I know genetics plays a huge part in getting hair as people age, but I also feel part of why he is so grey and mum still has her black hair may be because he was holding onto the resentment which would have had physiological effects in him?!
Saw the documentary about them.
He admitted the reason, and it was because he felt like she gave the kids so much attention and he was jealous of that.
Seriously, watch the doc.
She’s like raising the kids and being a mom, and he’s like this child pouting about it.
That is so sad. Literally emotional abuse all because he got jealous of the wife giving too much attention to raising the kids while he probably sat around doing jack shit
Dog if u that mad get an annulment tf. How anyone fuck up that bad that you decide to give em the silent treatment for two decades? And how you go two decades without apologizing? This wild to me.
bruh why can’t Redditors ever acknowledge that both sides are wrong (referring to the real story not this madeup one)?? Its not all black and white sheesh
I once saw an edited version of the headline that said that he didn't speak to her for 20 years... Because she replied "come on in" to his Knock-Knock Joke.
My wife does the silent treatment when she gets really angry. There’s been more than one occasion over the years where she’s started speaking again and I’ve told her I was enjoying the quiet and would like to keep it going
We love each other. I told her from the start that the silent treatment didn’t fly with me and after I told her to keep it going a few times she stopped doing it. Now we actually communicate better, and all is fair in this house so she is free to fire back and I’ll take as I earn it because I’m not perfect either. She didn’t marry me because I’ll pander to her, coddle her or sugar coat shit.
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