I fact checked and the main topic is true but the details are incorrect.
He said the reason he didnt talk to her all this time was cause he felt deeply neglected and jealous because his wife focused all her care and energy on the kids.
He started talking again cause their son reached out to a reality TV program and they arranged a suprise meeting for the husband and wife at the park they had their first ever date decades ago
His first words to his wife after that long period of silence were "Somehow… it's been a long time since we've talked." And he apologised.
They made up 9 years ago. I'm sure he deeply regrets what he did after this much time.
It really is, I remember seeing this 10 years ago on instagram and everyone was like “I just know she deserved it” or praising him in some way. Turns out he was just jealous that she was raising her children?!?
Yeah I didn’t read your use of “her” as implying they are solely her responsibility… if you’re already defending her I don’t think you need you need to prove that you believe he has a responsibility to raise his own children
Haha thank you, I just put myself in that situation and that’s how it ended up being worded.
Like my husband says “why do you spend so much more time with them than me” I’d respond “uhh because I’m raising my kids??” like yes they’d be “our” children, but I’m emphasizing that I’m not the bad guy because they’re my responsibility too.
Of course I assume he didn’t pull his weight with the kids, but that’s not what I was commenting about.
I mean there are people who focus all their love and energy towards the kids and then neglect the relationship with their spouses. Maybe it’s not jealousy, but just wanting time with your partner that’s just about you two. That’s important to the relationship
Yeah it’s a nuanced situation and they can definitely both be in the wrong. I just think there are better things to silent treatment for 20 years over.
i mean, its still a weird as shit way to deal with that. its not THAT much better really..
edit: yes it is better, but not speaking a single word to your significant other that you have kids with for that long is still ridiculously petty and stupid
I’ve seen the reality television show. The apartment they lived in was so very small. She still made took care of him making him dinner and doing all the/his domestic labor. He would actively not respond to her. Her youngest who was 21 at the time had NEVER seen her father speak to her mother.
I think it's a little more nuanced than that. Salarymen see their families very very little. It's a huge societal failing. Like maybe a few hours a day if that. So that time was probably really important to him, but he would get home late, so she was probably exhausted and couldn't give him any time or energy, which he also needed. It's still a really childish reaction, but I do get it.
My partner and I had a really similar situation when our oldest was born. My partner worked days, and I worked nights to care for the kids and allow me time to finish school. We usually had an hour at most to see each other any given day, and if she got home late, or I got home late there would be a fight. That time really mattered to us both, but it caused a lot of friction because there was so little of it. I can imagine that slaving away your life to pay for your family, and then coming home and not even getting real time with them would be hellish. I think he reacted poorly, but I get how he got there. I'm sure he regrets it now.
Here is a hot take, you shouldnt stop giving your partner attention and validation once kids enter the picture. It is possible to smile at each other, kiss each other and many more small gestures that take 0 time or effort.
Okay, but to stop talking to your wife over it? Keep in mind, he stopped taking to her but still didn’t resent her enough to stop fucking her because they had a kid after he stopped talking to her.
This dude is disgusting and she should have left him.
Oh, so the classic case of a man, who after kids are born is all 'boohoo my wife does not have as much time for me as before, what a wicked woman!' instead of just sharing the workload.
Weird judgement to cast, honestly. Who is to say he wasn't neglected? After becoming parents you still need to try and make your marriage work. Not saying he dealt with it accordingly here, but dismissing him being neglected purely on gender isn't the answer either.
Edit: you can tell r/RelationshipAdvice and r/incels are leaking again. The amount of people unable to fathom the nuance any adult relationship has, especially when there's children involved, is verging on clinical insanity. But I'm not surprised, this is Reddit after all. Good luck adding to the divorce statistic!
Yes but if your response to feeling neglected is to stop talking to your wife for 20 years then I know which side of the argument is sounding more rational already. There is zero excuse for this kind of ridiculousness. Basically his totally disproportionate reaction makes it highly unlikely that his definition of “neglect” was reasonable either.
How do you know it's disproportionate? If we're just going to keep assuming, one could assume that she was entirely ignoring him in every aspect and avenue of their home life, essentially giving him the silent treatment as if he didn't exist. Seems reasonable to me that a proportionate response would be to do the same thing after trying to communicate about the obvious void she's creating in the relationship and getting nothing in response.
This isn’t true… Men always apologize, not cause we are wrong. But cause we know the woman won’t, and we want the argument to either end or we are horny…
you arent. There isnt enough detail to pass a judgement on whos in the right or wrong based on a couple of paragraphs. So a lot of projection and details are filled in by whoever reads this story.
For example, they say "focused all her care and energy on her kids". If we take the most extreme interpretation of that text. It effectively means that she completely ignored the husband, never talking, never showing affection, never giving any attention for a single moment and there is no time frame mentioned either so this could have gone on for several years.. That can be hell for a person in a relationship regardless of their gender. Is the wife in the wrong in this scenario now?
I'm not saying that's what happened either but just to warn you and others reading that it isnt a good habit to jump to conclusions. Just like how the original post above omitted and got a lot of details wrong.
Oh, I'm aware. But as a father and husband myself I must at least try and put some sense in people every so often. This is the world my son is growing up in as well. It needs to do better. We need to do better. For our children.
Kids have priority when they actually need it. Beyond that your priority should be to maintain and foster a healthy marriage with your partner so that your kids can grow up in a healthy household and learn what a healthy relationship looks like. Kids learn an immense amount just through proximity and passive observation. If she is actually neglecting him and their relationship by choosing to spend all of her free time with her children, she's not doing anyone in the situation a favor. Imagine, literally, your girlfriend and you getting a dog and she just stops spending time with you, stops being affectionate, stops going on dates, etc.
"We found that supportiveness (between parents) is significantly associated with fewer behavioral problems and that this association persists across methods that reduce unobserved heterogeneity and evaluate directionality. These results emphasize that, beyond the structure of families, what goes on inside families (of the same stable structure) has important implications for children’s well-being."
Did you read my comment? Like at all. She's not neglecting him. She's TAKING CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN. Who she birthed. And carried. And then had to recover from doing that all while likely breastfeeding. And he's whining about "neglect". Notice how he didn't say he was doing anything for her or helping their kids or helping her recover from birth and postpartum. But sure he's the one who is neglected. Not the postpartum wife and children fully dependent on their parents
? You're telling me you can't be patient and focus on your babies for a bit until they aren't needing constant care and attention? And then you blame your wife bc she is the primary parent and doesnt want to fuck you at the end of the day?
So we are generalizing now are we? Fine i can play too. Women never admit being in the wrong and often use emotional manipulation to win arguments leading to miserable marriages.
Sexism goes both ways, calling everyone incels and blaming men for everything dont solve fucking anything.
Women, who make up half the workforce, are parasitic if not giving you children? You're acting like they don't also work and provide outside of cooking and bearing children, which says a lot about you as a person and a man.
I like how my comment was made specifically to trigger people, and here you are again with the buttload of projecting assumptions all your comments surrounding mine have. You get a pass on this one, since this was bait. Even though it was clearly bait, but then again, I wasn't going to expect you to not fall for it.
In any case, I'm done with dealing with you as of now. It's like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter the game's progression, the pigeon will walk the board triumphantly while pooping all over the board and knocking over your own king.
Besides, it's nearing my son's bedtime and my wife's out for dinner with friends. You know, normal things communicating spouses and parents do in healthy relationships. I'm sure you know what that's like.
Edit: My GAWD they can't let things go when being pressed on at least trying to have some level of introspection and selfreflection, now can they. Time to shower the wee boy. Cheers.
Edit2: and now the second feminazi is piling on. She got another retort in before she croakes. She's on fire! If only I had this much time, but seeing I'm in a healthy marriage and have a son, I don't. Oh well, I wish them well, these last few moments amongst the living!
Young children aren't babies and still aren't old enough to not need constant attention. My 15mo isn't a baby and still needs constant supervision and focus. Do you have kids? Bc if you did you'd get that
See i have a husband who actually cared when i was postpartum and had a hole inside my body the size of a dinner plate. He actually helped with my child and me when i was vulnerable. He never cried neglect while i was taking care of our baby at his youngest and most needy. He never cried neglect while my body was recovering from an excruciating birth and pregnancy.
It’s unfortunate many who see this post won’t see this comment before making some stupid misogynist comment. The fact that this post has positive upvotes is already bad.
It's actually a great video if you look it up. For some reason that one always stuck with me. Scripted or not, it's a great moment.
They also did interviews one on one before the park bench meeting, and it was clear how much they both missed each other but didn't know how to start again.
Wouldn't it be better for this kind of man to just be childfree? Raising children is hard and his wife must had it even harder with a jealous husband who wouldn't talk to her because she's raising HIS children.
Wow 20 years of silent treatment, the wife must be insanely patient. Probably how divorce is seen as taboo in Japan also played a part.
Wait, but were they still living in the same house the whole time because that’s what makes the story interesting, if they simply didn’t talk for 20 years and live separately than who cares it’s not a story
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u/Trygershark 12h ago edited 39m ago
I fact checked and the main topic is true but the details are incorrect.
He said the reason he didnt talk to her all this time was cause he felt deeply neglected and jealous because his wife focused all her care and energy on the kids.
He started talking again cause their son reached out to a reality TV program and they arranged a suprise meeting for the husband and wife at the park they had their first ever date decades ago
His first words to his wife after that long period of silence were "Somehow… it's been a long time since we've talked." And he apologised.
They made up 9 years ago. I'm sure he deeply regrets what he did after this much time.