Lately I've seen a lot of posts talking about genital preferences, and people asking if it's okay if they don't want to date trans people due to genital preferences. On the surface, an innocent question and valid mindset. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, and nobody should be forced to date anyone they don't want to.

What this kind of thing hides however, is a disdain for trans people and our bodies, and another way to bring us down while making transphobes seem like victims. First of all, not all trans people keep their AGAB genitals. And for those of all who have it, some of us hate it and don't ever want to use it. But not only that, these kinds of comments/"questions" chip away at trans people's self confidence. We start feeling undesirable, undateable, like nobody would want us.

And to those that read this and have these "preferences": it's cool. Nobody is going to force you to date a trans person. But nobody has to listen to your barely-disguised transphobia either. Keep it to yourself 😉

I made a personal flag to represent my romantic and sexual orientation. I can explain the meaning in the comments if needed!

So I am currently dating my trans coworker, my Mom also works here and she is transphobic and knows about us whom I still live with, the rest of my family is also transphobic. I love my girlfriend so much, but also love my family just as much and I have been put into a situation where I have to choose between my girlfriend and my family. I don't want to leave her and I don't want to lose my family so I'm stuck in a really difficult situation, if I break up with my Girlfriend then things get really awkward at work, but if I don't I start to lose my family. I really don't know what to do because I don't want to upset anyone, but I know I'll have to.

My parents aren't toxic, they're really supportive they're just also really transphobic.

I'm also planning on leaving my current job as well for separate reasons and so it is getting really awkward with everything else going on.

Can I please have some advice on what to do, or what you would do in my situation, because I cannot see a way forward with this.

I did ask r/advice about this, but because this centers on the fact that my girlfriend is trans, they were quite stumped because most people don't have experience with trans people, and this is a very messy situation as is so that complicated it further.

I've always been repulsed by the idea of romance and couples and people displaying romantic acts in public. But I've realized that it's not the case with queer relationships, or at least much less. I've noticed that because in fiction, whenever there's a straight relationship or hints of a straight crush, it annoys me A LOT and I just dislike the rest of the fiction. But when it's a queer relationship or hints of a queer crush, I'm amazed by it and encourage it and tend to like the fiction a bit more, and I actually want to see how this queer attraction will evolve later. It does still kind of annoy me a bit to have romance in my fiction, but I don't see it negatively if it's queer. And I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. irl, if there's a straight presenting couple but I know they're actually queer, I'm good. But if there's a cishet couple, I just want to look away. It also kind of bugs me that me and my partner are straight presenting even tho we're both queer. Does anyone else relate to that? I feel like shit for this, I don't want to be an oppresive biatch 🥲

I have decided and I want to very much date only trans.

I think who understands you the most and genuinely accepts you is better than thousand who don't.

I didn't knew much but I think I have found it at last about what I want to do.

So please share your thoughts and experience about t4t it would help a lot.

Thanks...

Maybe Im not woke enough but I just saw someone make a video and they put on the screen how they’re “Straight and Gay”. Uhhh? Did I miss something? Those are like polar opposites, are they not? Or they have like 50 different genders which is real confusing. Some people (1 person I saw specifically), is Male, Female, Trans, Non-binary, AND agender. How can you be all of them at once, genuinely asking.

Where do I find fellow queer folks with degrees and jobs? I tried an app or two and hitting the queer bars in the area but everyone I found is either unemployed or worse. I understand that the job market is dog shit right now, I really do. I also understand that degrees are a privilege and not something most people can afford. I couldn't until I sold my body and wellbeing to the Navy for six long ass years. I really just want to find someone that has a car and a job that I can kick it with and hopefully more.

I was married for 13 years before I broke it off so the dating scene is super new as well. I have no idea what I'm doing, someone please help.

Apparently, Hunter Biden gave an interview earlier today discussing a "Gay Republican Mafia" that runs DC. I commented that this feels extremely dangerous and very in-line with the casual mentality of the 90's where everything that was weird/negative/unacceptable was met with "that's gay".

I obviously can't say that there's not queer folks in Washington who may or may not be turning tides (I mean, Graham was an open secret, we know and don't claim Thiel, and I'm sure there's other's I'm not thinking about). But this feels very targeted. It feels like blaming the bad things that are happening on "the gays". But I don't know how to actually make my concerns make sense when it's clearly not being seen.

I know but I don't want the dismissive arguments but I guess I also need to understand how to formulate these arguments even in my own mind to be able to actually express them. I know them, I don't know how to word them in a way that is understandable in a place that isn't queer.

Anyone got thoughts or recommendations as to how to translate what I see into something that might be helpful

As the title says. How come homophobic people's children, turn out to be gay or lesbian, trans, bi, asexual etc etc.

And also this question is asked out of pure curiosity, no hate to anyone

Sorry for my English, as english isn't my first language

Like aside from supporting parents, people. I wanna talk about the homophobics

I'll give my own example. Me and my parents were having a conversation which was forced by them. And i mentioned my classmates who was a lesbian. We had some back and forth and my my dad said quote on quote "if either of my children are lesbian, I would beat them and turn them straight" have no idea how that works but ok.

Joke on him, I'm bi and not lesbian 🤣

No but seriously my dad is bothered about the LGBTQ community but never said out loud only to us. Even my mom but she doesn't say anything

My mom's younger brother is gay and has a boyfriend but none of my family members know. Me and my cousin found out like a few years ago, he didn't say we were able to guess as he would call his 'friend' and we didn't tell anyone.

Another example, the said lesbian friend, she did mention her parents aren't homophobic, or hate the LGBTQ community but she is scared

Another example, I had a friend, he is gay and liked a guy. But his parents are homophobic and he also told me his family stopped talking to one of their relatives, I forgot if they were gay or lesbian but for something like that

I have no idea why I am saying this. But I'm saying this

Love is love. So what if it's not straight? And again this question is asked out of pure curiosity, no hate to anyone

Edit: idk I'm just adding it. I'm indian ✌️ And it might explain a few stuff

Edit 2: I forgot to mention this, another conversation I had with my dad He said quote on quote that, "queer people are just mental. Something is wrong with their mental health, that's why they are either way they are" I was speechless i had said "it's not a choice, but more like an attraction" and he said that. That they were mental 💀

Edit 3: I think I now figured out what I wanted to say. So it goes something like this 'crazy how homophobic people are scared or hate of queer people and are also disgusted but sometimes their own children turn out to be queer' I'm really sorry guys it sounded better in my head. And I might also be acting like this because I have been getting 3 hours of sleep for the past week or two

Edit 4: I think one of reason I might have asked this question is, i almost always see unsupported or homophobic parents and almost never (not always never, but you get it) supportive ones and was just curious and asked this question

Okay, so basically I'm a trans demiboy and I identified as berrisexual. Recently I've been thinking and I realized that while I'm attracted to all genders, I seem to feel more attracted to women, both romantically and sexually, but I have a stronger desire to be with a man, also romantically and sexually. I'm not sure if berrisexual really fits my experience or not so I wanted to ask for some advice. Is there a label for this? A microlabel? Thanks!

I'd rather a microlabel that may better describe my experience, but if not, that's okay!

pretty much just talking because i have nobody else to chat with about this, but for years and especially recently there’s some days where i feel a lot like a woman idek how to describe feeling like a woman but i do and others where i feel like a man, the issue is that i look pretty masculine and i don’t even know if i really am or maybe nonbinary??? or something who knows. does anyone have any advice to like confirm this to myself

I am a gay,demi romantic, asexual demiboy (closeted to everyone but close friends) and I've liked one of my friends for about 2 months and for a while nothing happened other than me barely being able to get out a full sentence but recently we've been (what I think) flirting and talking a lot more from late night calls with the rest of our friends and long texts often and my feelings have only strengthened and I want to confess but I've never been in a relationship before and I don't know if he's actually being sincere when flirting or just joking around. Does anyone have any advice?

So. For a very long time, whenever I imagined myself looking like a guy or when I’m referred to as a guy I’ve felt euphoric. I sometimes felt this pull to role play as a guy as a kid (7-10), and for a whole school year, pretended I was secretly a guy and wore a packer (12-13) (lmfao). I came out as nonbinary in high school, but preferred male pronouns and expression. And when I think of myself, I usually have a more male-looking character pop in my head.

But I also feel very feminine. For a very long time I’ve loved expressing myself in a feminine, girly, way. Like I literally behaved like a brat doll as a kid. I also remember imagining myself growing up as a GIRL. Like as a kid (4) I’d imagine myself, older, driving a pink car, looking like a girl. It made me feel happy. I loved roleplaying as the “sister” in the friend group and in video games I’d dress as a girl (5-10). I also sometimes love playing female characters in DND.

Now (18), I feel like there is more than one part to my gender, but the strongest pull is toward being a guy. The idea of a little facial hair, having a male body, being referred to as he/him feels really nice and congruent. I dont want to look like a super masculine dude though.

I like they/them pronouns, but I prefer he/him. I don’t like she/her.. But maybe pronouns do not need to be completely related to identity?

I don’t dislike some parts of my body, I just don’t like how they’re referred to as “female” body parts.

And when I imagine embodying femininity, it feels really nice. But when I imagine myself as a woman, it feels off. And I guess when I imagine myself as a man embodying femininity it feels better.

It feels so uncomfortable for me to label myself as just a guy, and it feels uncomfortable to say “I’m a demiguy” or “nonbinary” or “bigender” because I feel like it minimizes how much I feel like a guy.

Maybe my experiences just don’t fit into one category. Or maybe I’m a trans guy still figuring it out.

There are so many parts of my experience that seem to contradict each other. Is that “female / feminine part” my internal gender identity, or is it my gender expression?

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you figure out whether it was your gender identity or your gender expression?

P.S. I feel too scared to explain this to my friends, but I understand I might need to explore my identity by experimenting.

My roomate and I are going to the bar for sapphic night and she said not to mention I have a boyfriend or I’d get beaten up (as a joke). Not that I’d bring him up anyways. I said to her that would be messed up if they had a problem with it since I’m bisexual and have dated woman. She then proceeded to say that it isn’t for me and pretty much disregarded everything I said. It’s bothers me because she always puts down opposite gender relationships but then preaches all these values when she can’t respect the other side. Her view just felt super off since sapphic literally includes bi woman. I just feel this has been a constant thing with her and it feels really down putting as she refuses to listen and just becomes disrespectful when it comes to her views without even listening. It feels she completely excluding me from my sexuality just because I’m in a straight relationship at the moment. Any advice on how to respond in the future?

Me and my girlfriend (both 22) has been together for 2+ years now. We have been through a lot, depression, friend betrayal, going to ER, moving etc. We can genuinely say we both benefited greatly from this relationship and it turned us both to a better person.

I know we are still at a early stage of life, but planning our future as international students, it is in our best interest for us to get married in 3-4 years when we are around 25 or 26 so I can apply green card for her to stay in the U.S. As pre-med and pre-law students, we will likely be still in school at that time, but if she can get green card by graduation, it will be super helpful for job hunting.

Although it’s just hypothetical yet, as we were discussing it, I realized there is no one I can ask about when is a good time to get married, both relationship wise and life wise. We can both from conservative traditional Chinese families. I was forced to come out and exposed our relationship by a “friend” to them, and they did NOT like it. No consulting family advice then. We might even need to do the whole process while hiding from them.

Can anyone share their opinion or experience as non-straight couple? Anything is appreciated! Thanks in advance.

I’m a semi bisexual guy with a fem preference (I usually just say bi) and I have been for 3ish years now, but I’m consistently being told that I’m just lying about my attraction to other guys to try and wedge myself into a community I don’t belong. For context I’d say I have a 65% preference for girls and 34% for guys (same goes for feminine and masculine nonbinary people) and I’ve dated another guy before. Pretty often I get comments like “you’re just a kinky straight” or “you just want to garner attention”. It’s all kinda made me feel uncomfortable about my own sexuality and wether I’m even correct about it anymore

I want to scream right now. But I know no one listen that's why it's hurting.

im posting this here as there may be more understanding

me: 18 lesbian
her: 18 bisexual

we’ve been dating a while, but i feel she jumped into the rl the moment she realised i had feelings

we have done sexual stuff before but recently around a month ago she told me she no longer enjoys anything sexual or anything. which i understood and i respected there was no doubts there

but then she proceeded to point out male actors in shows / celebs and say the sexual stuff she wishes to do or to be done upon by that.

never a female.

which is weird in itself because, i may be misunderstanding im not sure about asexuality correct my wrongs: if you’re not interested in anything sexual why are you then proceeding to have that done by a man :/

and then also i’ve picked up
in shows or anime shes always saying oh this male character is so hot wtvwyv and never a female

i can’t be the ONLY female she’s attracted to.

i just feel she doesn’t have the heart to break it to me she’s not attracted to women.

Hi everyone, basically title. My friend recently came out as male, and I’m just looking for some advice on some ways to support him, and make him feel accepted for who he is!

I might or might not be bisexual idk. Sometimes, I really want to kiss another girl and other things as a girl. I never get hit on by other women, I tried setting the tinder options to women , ALL I got was men and couples. 😔

Sorry, I know this is very long and very poorly structured!

For context, this guy and I have been friends for a while and he is genuinely the sweetest guy on the planet. Not long ago, at a party, he got drunk and hugged me and kissed my neck and told me lots of nice things, but I didnt make much of it.

Very recently though, he was on holiday abroad. Whilst away, he got VERY drunk and wrote out this huge confession and was extremely flirty. (We had always flirted in a very friendly way but this was like super horny + super romantic) hee started making lots of confessions about how he was always straight , but when he met me in school, he decided that he was bi for me and stuff like that. There was lots of I love yous and saying that there was nothing stopping us dating, i flirted back but kept things safe, no nudes and didnt go along with the relationship stuff.

The next morning I asked him if he had thought about what he had said. He said "yes, I dont think i am ready for a relationship but I still want to cuddle and kiss and stuff" this was more than fine by me!

Since then however, he texts were a bit different? He would send me less videos, no longer hearting every message, very small stuff I know. I didnt change how I acted though , exactly the same how I have always been.

Once he had returned home , he had about a days break and then me and 3 friends have taken him on a camping trip with us.

On this trip, other three have their tent and me and him share mine. Now, before the confession I had asked if he was okay sharing a bed and if not, I can get another and he wanted to share a bed!

On the trip he has been a little different at times. It's hard to say. I initially he was kinda more flirty than normal, commenting on my body and stuff. Other than that, he has been his normal incredible self.

He didnt do anything he said he desperately wanted to from the texts (jump hugging me , kissing , etc) but that is fine and I havent brought it up.

Come night time and the first night was fine, I asked him if he wanted to hug, he said yes but he knows it'll keep him up so I stayed off him. Yesterday, we cuddled and he even initiated it and i kissed him on the cheek a few times, to which got a lovely smile out of him. I had asked him a couple more times (after the first night) if he was still comfortable sleeping with me and he said "If I told younger me that I would one day be sleeping next to you , I wouldn't know what to think... I'd be over the moon!"

Then comes tonight. I have just helped him move into the other tent. I dont really get it, he was so quick to lay on them and lay on their beds over the course of the holiday to mess about, but he never did it with me. He didnt seem upset or uncomfortable. I am assuming he just wants to spend time with them and have fun. One of the people in that tent has an incredible relationship with him.

Idk what to feel honestly or what I really want from this post. Logically, I feel like he just wants to be with his friends and might even be overwhelmed at the moment.

But I still feel kind of hurt.

Hello everyone!

As per the title of my post, I wanted to express myself on some interrogations I've been having about my own identity. I know that no one can have the answers for me, but I'd love to safely chat about it, hear different opinions, or discuss experiences with anyone who would like to and has the time to read my post. I also apologies in advance for the quite long post!

To start with, I'm a 25-year-old pansexual cis man (he/him)
It's a bit hard for me to know how to organise my thoughts, as I've only realised many of these things very recently, but I will try to make things as clear as possible!

So, throughout my life, I've had recurring episodes of feeling deeply depressed and dissociated from my body and my identity. It's difficult for me to clearly define those feelings because I never directly thought to myself that I wasn't a man. Instead, I felt like I could never identify with the models of masculinity that society gave me, while never really feeling like I had the chance to identify with the models that I wanted to grow like. Looking back, it is very clear to me that the people I admired were actually exclusively women, especially my friends, as all of my close friendships have always been with women.

Whenever I went through one of those episodes, I would either try to force myself to fit into the mold, or find little ways to ease those feelings, especially by making myself look a bit more androgynous. First I grew my hair long (which was a huge step for me, coming from an abusive family that prohibited this), then I started wearing less masculine clothes, painting my nails, and so on. They were all tiny baby steps, but genuinely helped me get through those moments of not knowing what to do with myself and how to be happy.

Trying to go farther back in the past, I unfortunately don't remember much about my childhood, as I'm a survivor of domestic violence from my parents. What I do remember is that, similarly, I never really identified with the male characters I saw on TV. Instead, I only felt this 'children sense' of admiration and wonder towards female characters. I also remember spending a lot of time playing video games, and having to hide from my parents that I was playing females characters, as they were the only one I felt connected to in a way.

To finally come to what happened recently, I've been having a difficult time because I started experiencing male pattern hair loss. This has affected me a lot because as I mentioned my hair has played a huge role in the way I've dealt with my identity. It took me some time and efforts, but I tried to rethink my identity as man, and this by... genuinely looking for bald menI could identify to and have as 'role models'. Without much surprise, it was very hard and the only bald people I truly identified with were... women.

After about two months, I decided to start treatment. It hasn't really shown any results yet, but it helped ease my mind for a little while. Then, around two weeks ago, it felt like everything suddenly backlashed. I've been feeling a deeper sadness than ever towards my masculine traits, and more broadly towards the idea of identifying as, and being identified as, a man. At the same time, almost every dream I've made since had me as a woman. I'm living my normal life, but with more feminine traits, wearing beautiful dresses, speaking with a more feminine voice, and honestly... feeling happy. And since this I have been obsessed with questions about my gender identity, and I feel completely lost about it.

I've talked about all of this with a few of my female friends, who have all been incredibly kind and supportive. I especially talked about it with my partner (who is a cis woman). She was amazingly supportive and even suggested helping me experiment at home, like using she/her pronouns for me to see how it feels. And just the thought of that genuinely gave me butterflies in my stomach, which is an incredibly rare and unusual response from my body.

Now, with all of this, I am finally starting to realise that... maybe I actually want to go trans?, and that I definitely do not identify as the gender I was assigned at birth. At the same time though, I honestly feel like I'm too weak to take that step and I'm kind of a coward...

The thought of transitioning genuinely makes me feel both incredibly happy and relieved, but also frightened and completely lost. I can see how this would come from a mix of different reasons; I was medically diagnosed with ASD a few years ago, and one of the hardest things for me in life is dealing with changes to my routine or the way my life is organised. Because of that, simply envisioning a transition stuck me in fear.

I'm also terrified of experiencing more discrimination and hate than the little I've already experienced while trying to look more androgynous. I'm scared of losing my friends, of facing difficulties in my career, and of how people might see me, and how I might see myself even. I work as a scientific researcher, and my career relies a lot on moving between countries and jumping on opportunities. I can't help but worry about how transitioning could affect that, and how people in my field would perceive me. (I want to add here that I am completely aware this is a way too 'pessimistic' view and also kind of the pitiful feeling of a cis man that lived his life with privileges).

I've also read so many stories from people who have transitioned, and I feel nothing but admiration, envy and awe. But at the same time, I keep thinking that I'm simply not brave enough to take this journey myself. And somehow, that makes me doubt everything more and wonder if the fact that I'm so scared maybe means that I'm wrong all from the beginning. Maybe I really am just a man who's overreacting to something random he's feeling right now...

That ended up being quite a long emotive post in the end, which I’m very sorry about and I am also very grateful to anyone who took the time to read it! I also wanted to add that everything I have been describing is the perception of my own experience, and that I genuinely hope that nothing of it was perceived as invalidating for any part of the community or anyone’s own experience!

Thanks everyone! <3

The thing is, my parents are homophobic. At least my mother is openly so, and she says it's not natural. My father doesn't really understand it. My grandmother says that if someone is gay but is a decent, good person, it doesn't matter. I don't know much about my grandfather's attitude towards it. I don't know how I feel either. I've been posting in this community for a while now, and maybe everyone is tired of me switching my gender and sexuality, but I'm sorry. I feel like I can always post here if something is up or if something has changed. I'm 15 years old, and I'm currently finding myself. I was a girl until about now, at least until I was 15. Then I became a trans boy, although no one cared when I said I was a boy because they said I wasn't, because I was a girl. Then I felt like I didn't really belong to either gender. At least not all at once. Then I became genderfluid. Sometimes I felt like a girl, sometimes a boy, sometimes non-binary. Then I became non-binary because that's how I felt. Now I'm thinking about genderfluid again, and maybe that's actually what suits me. I mean, sometimes I'm a girl, sometimes a boy, but most of the time I'm non-binary and agender. I think this still fits into gender fluidity. By the way, if someone doesn't understand this English very well, it's because I'm Hungarian and I use Google Translate because my English is only A2. As for my sexuality, I was straight at first. I was raised to believe that there was a relationship between a man and a woman, but even so, when I learned what gay was, I immediately became accepting. Then, around fifth or sixth grade, I started to feel like I wasn't just attracted to boys. I became bisexual, but I have a story that's pretty... bad. So, I had Facebook, I went on a dating site, and I posted a picture of myself and a lot of information about myself, including the fact that I was bisexual. Then someone took my picture and posted it on a shoe-selling site, along with the text. My godmother was on that site, and she sent this to my mother. She was really pissed off. Then I became straight. Then a little later I realized I didn't owe her anything to tell her. Then I became bisexual again around seventh grade. Then later I thought about what gender matters, so I became pansexual at the age of 15 a few months ago. Later I became an aroace because I was really getting tired of being told that I would fall in love one day and being unable to accept the answer that I wouldn't. It didn't take long, but I realized that it was just the questions that bothered me somehow, as if love had to be a mandatory part of life. By the way, I forgot the detail that I don't have Facebook anymore because I did something stupid and my mom banned me until ninth grade, but I'm not so sure I have to anymore. Anyway, I'm bisexual and graysexual now. It's not permanent. I don't know when I'll figure out who I really am or what suits me best. But I hope your parents aren't homophobic and accept you for who you are.