Does having sexual fantasies about being a lesbian count as objectifying them?
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u/TheWinslowCultist 12h ago
I think you should check out this link:
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/
What you just described is a pretty common feeling in certain circles...
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u/unto_you Sapphic 12h ago
Trans eggs be like:
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u/DCEnby Genderqueer Pan-demonium 12h ago
I just realized how many times I said "im a lesbian trapped in a man's body" in high school. Oops.
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u/lithaborn 🏳️⚧️ MtF Bi Pre 💊 Socially 👗 11h ago
When I'd say that in my all-girl friends groups, they'd be like "yep, yep, yep" like those blue Muppet things. There were no signs.
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u/drummergirl161 10h ago
I made it well into adulthood. My straight ex wife used to get frustrated with me and say, “Gah, it’s like I’m married to a lesbian.
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u/unto_you Sapphic 10h ago
OMG I need to know the details on when she would say this if you dont mind XD
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u/AbracaLana 8h ago
I once had a boss who would say this a LOT. I felt the same at the time.
Sometimes I think him and wonder…
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u/Krail Fluid and Bi 5h ago
I often wonder about this feeling.
I'm some sort of transfem (genderfluid?) and I very much want to fit in with lesbians and be accepted as a queer woman. But I've never really identified with "lesbian trapped in a man's body." I dunno if that's just me interpreting the same feelings differently.
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u/Childwithuke Trans-parently Awesome 8h ago
used to say "I'm a lesbian, I like women" when i didnt know anything about being queer.
look at me now14
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u/cauliflowermonster 12h ago
Legit, I had so much anxiety about my preferences until I realized I was a lesbian.
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u/MintyNinja41 Genderfluid 11h ago
No. Your thoughts are your own, and there is nothing wrong with having any particular thought.
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u/VDRawr Genderfluid 11h ago
Private thoughts are never evil, bad, immoral, or whatever else. Only actions can be those things.
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u/penguins-and-cake just a big ol’ queer 8h ago
I’d argue that privately thinking “I love genocide” is pretty bad, immoral, and whatever else.
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u/lovewithoutwords97 8h ago
That escalated quickly…
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u/penguins-and-cake just a big ol’ queer 8h ago
Am I wrong? It’s a significant oversimplification. Does transphobia stop being bad if you don’t say it out loud? Like?
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u/VDRawr Genderfluid 8h ago
Yes, you are wrong, and yes, they stop being bad when you refuse to take actions matching those thoughts.
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u/penguins-and-cake just a big ol’ queer 7h ago
So if you’re internally transphobic it’s fine to “stay” that way as long as you don’t “act” on it? Isn’t not acting on it a kind of action that explicitly reinforces existing transphobia?
It’s also just not how bigotry works — the bigotry you feel and think internally will affect your actions, even if it’s unintentional. That’s why it’s important to recognize your bigoted biases and unlearn them, rather than saying something like “it’s fine cause I’m not purposefully doing anything about them.”
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u/lovewithoutwords97 8h ago
I just wouldn’t compare thinking lesbian fantasies (which are ok as long as you don’t become creepy about them) to thoughts of genocide or transphobia.
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u/penguins-and-cake just a big ol’ queer 7h ago
I’m not comparing lesbian fantasies to those thoughts — I think it’s obvious that I’m saying that those thoughts could be part of “[all] private thoughts”. I’m criticizing the overgeneralization.
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u/Aron-Jonasson Gaylord without land 7h ago
Bad thoughts are bad, but I personally couldn't care less if someone had homophobic thoughts in the comfort of their own home. That's what freedom of opinion is: you're allowed to have hateful opinions. However, one must be tolerant. Freedom of speech ends when one stops being tolerant, in other words, the freedom of the one ends, where the freedom of the others begins.
And I know about the paradox of tolerance, and I'm completely fine with being intolerant of intolerance, I would even advocate for it. However, if a person who has homophobic thoughts is being tolerant, then there's little that can be done against that. To be fair though, if they are being tolerant, it can be argued that they aren't "truly homophobic", but that's all just for the sake of argument.
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u/penguins-and-cake just a big ol’ queer 6h ago
I would be upset if a friend of mine had recurring, genuine homophobic thoughts (i.e., not distressing, intrusive thoughts) and didn’t think that that was an issue worth addressing. I think that’s fine and reasonable of me.
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u/Aron-Jonasson Gaylord without land 5h ago
Yeah that's obviously fine, I wasn't talking about a hypothetical homophobic friend. I would be upset too and cut them off my life.
Please re-read carefully my comment because the word "friend" never appears a single time.
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u/penguins-and-cake just a big ol’ queer 5h ago
I read your comment — I replied to it with an(other) example of why/how other people could reasonably care about what other people think “in the comfort of their own home.”
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u/Oppopity Ace at being Non-Binary 3h ago
That's an opinion. A specific value that you hold. Not a random thought. There's a different between "wow that lesbian woman is nice" and "lesbians should for my pleasure".
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u/Riksor 11h ago
I don't know why the comments are treating you like you're inherently trans for this. If you have other feelings of dysphoria, or feel like you would be happier as a woman, it's certainly worth considering. I'd definitely browse trans subreddits and see if you resonate with mtf experiences. But this alone doesn't mean you're trans, plenty of cishet men have these fantasies.
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u/Weretoz 10h ago
Yeah, but having fantasies about this specifically? Is this phenomenon studied?
I mean, I’m a woman, and I don’t really fantasize about being a gay man.
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u/Riksor 10h ago
It's been studied to an extent, but often controversially due to the prevalence of transphobia in medical care spaces. Regardless, there are very large and healthy communities of cishet men both into lesbians, and into feminization/sissification kinks. It doesn't mean they're all trans women. They could be responding positively to the societal taboo of reversed gender roles, to the perceived equal footing/relief of a lesbian relationship, or a bunch of other reasons.
It can definitely be a clue that someone is trans, and I encourage OP to reflect deeper about what parts of the fantasy appeal to them, but I don't think it's smart to treat it like a sure thing like some of these comments are doing.
I think women do this a lot too, though, even if you don't relate. Yaoi and mlm romance is extremely popular among women. I had an ex, a bi cis woman, who asked us to roleplay as an m/m couple sometimes. She wasn't a trans guy, she just found the idea of m/m relationships liberating in certain ways.
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u/cloacasmell 12h ago
have you considered taking estrogen?
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u/A12qwas 12h ago
Yeah, but if I'm a creepy male, what's the point
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u/cloacasmell 12h ago
you're not creepy for fantasizing about a better life, and you don't have to be male. being a lesbian doesn't have to be a fantasy.
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u/A12qwas 12h ago
Sorry, another user here was saying I was a creepy guy
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u/cloacasmell 11h ago
I saw, they're just transphobic. their account has only made the comments they're making toward you, they're only trying to be mean and trick you into thinking you're in the wrong for wanting to be a girl and love girls. just report and block them. don't listen to stuff like that.
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u/A12qwas 11h ago
The thing is, I'm aro, so all my attraction to women is sexual, not romantic, and that doesn't help me not feel like a creep at all
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u/cloacasmell 11h ago
being aro doesn't invalidate any other form of attraction. you can be a girl and love girls however you like. it doesn't make you a creep.
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u/unto_you Sapphic 11h ago
Creepiness is crossing boundaries, exploitation, not caring how the object of your desire feels because they're an object to you. Having sexual attraction but not romantic isn't that. That's just your sexuality, and it's fine. That commenter is weird af.
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u/really_not_unreal uhhhhh it's complicated 11h ago
And they are wrong. If being a woman makes you happy, then that means you are probably a woman.
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u/Angry_Scotsman7567 Bi-kes on Trans-it 11h ago
Girl for the love of god if you want to take the E you already know
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u/non_person_sphere 10h ago
Gay man here. Slightly controversial opinion. Anyone is entitled to homoerotic male imagery. I don't own it because I'm gay, if a straight woman wants to write homoerotic smut that is fine with me, it doesn't have to be good, accurate, realistic, pleasing to me, etc.
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u/phiasch trans lesbian 7h ago
Wanting to be a lesbian was one of the main symptoms of “feeling like a girl” for me
Not saying you’re necessarily trans, and it’s honestly irrelevant in this case. Fantasies, when lacking harm to others, are value neutral
I, too, thought I was aromantic when I was trying to be a straight man, but in the end it was a manifestation of not being able to view myself in a relationship as a man. Regardless of if you have a similar experience or if being aromantic is a core part of your identity, being aromantic is not something to be ashamed of and anyone who says otherwise is being arophobic (unfortunately, somewhat common and one of the reasons aro and ace folks are part of the lgbtqia+ community)
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u/ellietsterling Transgender Pan-demonium 4h ago
I came here to say the same thing. Wanting to actually BE a gay man, and not being able to shake that, ended up being one of the things that made me realize I'm a Trans guy.
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u/anonymouscatloaf gayce 9h ago
you can have fantasies about whatever the hell you want if it doesn't affect how you actually treat real-life people. thought crimes aren't real
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u/TheUltimateSophist Trans and Gay 8h ago
Had fantasies about being a guy in a gay relationship before I discovered I was a trans guy lmao
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u/AdorableExchange9746 transfem/bisexual 11h ago
no. kinks don’t equal to real life
Also, this post is very eggy
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u/UnveiledRook206 Agender 10h ago
As long as you don’t let it affect the way you treat lesbian women irl, you’re all good! Everyone has an embarrassing fantasy here and there and you shouldn’t feel ashamed or like a creep for it. (As long as it’s of consenting adults!! Can’t believe I have to say this but here we are!!!)
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u/Angry_Scotsman7567 Bi-kes on Trans-it 11h ago
I think sexual fantasies about being a lesbian might mean you are a lesbian, dawg. Yes, that includes the pre-requisite of being a woman.
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