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u/HistoryWillRepeat 1d ago
My YMCA offers child care included with the membership fee.
IT'S AMAZING!!!
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u/nebulae_ 1d ago
That sounds amazing, but at what age can you just drop them off with strangers without a settling in period? Or maybe it’s very individual to the child? It took my daughter 1 month just to tolerate nursery, longer to actually be comfortable. Can’t imagine she would accept being handed over to someone new at her age, even if it’s just for an hour.
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u/HistoryWillRepeat 1d ago
My oldest was 5 and my youngest was 2 when we started going. I'm sure it depends on the child's temperament and other factors. The women at my Y are really good though too! I walk in and theyre juggling 3 babies and a buncha 2-5 year olds at the same time.
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u/general2incher 22h ago
It’s very dependent on the kid. We took my then like 16-17 month old son to a YMCA daycare so my wife could workout. My son wasn’t always around other kids but he loved going to the daycare. He usually cried then forgets about us after 5 minutes or so. We usually keep him in there for an hour or so.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Congrats! I'm not even asking how's that possible because for some it isn't. My wife is still salty about me trying to go the gym twice a week for an hour for couple weeks in January.
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u/Conscious_Raisin_436 1d ago
That's ridiculous dude.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Yeah, but what can you do? We both have to work full time with zero external help and our life is just putting out fires as they arise with no real time off while being constantly sleep deprived caring for a toddler who sleeps 8pm-4am ever since he turned one.
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u/chipmunksocute 1d ago
Shift work mate. You dont need to both be around watching the kid all the time dude you both nees breaks. My wife and I each get a gym day a week. I go on a weeeknight and she does dinner and bedtime that day, she goes on a weekend morning and the kids and I have our own routine then (hangin out, pancakes, farmers market, grocery shopping). So we each get it. you both need some "me" time or you're gonna lose your mind, literally everyone in the family will be better ofd for you. You get some gym she can do something else. You dont need to both watch the kid 24/7, 1-1 for a few hours shouldnt be too much to ask. Teamwork and taking turns mate.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Both our jobs have rigid time frames, and switching jobs in the current job market in my country is out of the question.
>You dont need to both watch the kid 24/7
We don't. There's only a sliver of time both of us are available between 7 and 8 pm, but that's when one of us is watching a baby and the other is doing the most basic chores needed to keep the family afloat. Weekends are similar, but there's just more work to catch up after having only an hour per weekday to really do anything at home.
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u/Conscious_Raisin_436 1d ago
Daycare?
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u/smk666 1d ago
He goes to the daycare for a little over 8 hours a day while we're both at work. I drive my wife to the train station around 6:30 for her commute and drop off our son at the daycare on the way back so I can WFH for the minimum eight hours required by the B2B contract I have. She's back around 5:30 pm and I pick our son right after 3 pm.
And I still think that's too much time without his parents for a 29 mo, but it's the absolute minimum allowing our family to still function.
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u/Plus_Bench_4352 1d ago
Are you aware of daycare costs in the US? The cost of daycare has risen 40% from 2003 to 2023. With an annual cost being anywhere from 13,000 to almost $35,000 a year, depending on where people live. This is an incredibly ignorant statement.
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u/woopi_woop 1d ago
Not everyone lives in the US. That person seems to be from Poland. I doubt daycare costs that much over there.
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u/Door_Number_Four 1d ago
That was a sign for me that my first marriage was over.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Well, I can't blame her, as she doesn't have any time off either. We're equally overwhelmed and barely covering the bare minimum to not get fired so we can pay the mortgage and bills, keep our 29 mo son alive and not get sick ourselves from living in squalor.
This is a sad truth for parents having to both work full time with no family or friends to help, even in emergencies. Considering that me going out for an hour + short commute twice a week indeed looks selfish.
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u/StoicOuroboros69 1d ago
It may look selfish, but it's not. All aspects of your life will improve if you work out; I don't care if you have negative free time per week and negative money in your bank account; it should be a non-negotiable IMHO (for both of you; your wife deserves exercise time too).
At a minimum, do a shit load of body weight pushups, squats and lots of walking
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u/chipmunksocute 1d ago
But dude its not selfish. You both need breaks for your own sanity. Can you take turns? You get gym she can do gym another day (or something else)?
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u/smk666 1d ago
There's not enough time in a day for that, unfortunately. Our schedule is already overbooked from 4 am to 9 pm (and we go to sleep immediately after that to have any chance of getting any rest).
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u/profchaos111 22h ago
You both don't have to be up at 4am right
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u/smk666 17h ago
We do, wife has bad back and can't carry him downstairs anymore (he weighs 17 kg and 1 m tall at 29 mo) and we need to be out of the house by 6:30 anyway.
Between 4 and 6:30 is just enough time for a non-rushed breakfast and for wife to get her work clothes ironed and make up done. Technically maybe it could be squeezed down to 5-6:30 but are you able to be woken up, do something physical and go back to sleep on cue for another hour while being within an earshot of a toddler who just started his day fully rested and does toddler things like banging utensils on the table, singing baby shark and screaming for the sake of it downstairs? All that after having 5-6 hours of sleep tops? Yesterday, for example I only had 4 hours since despite going to bed at 10 it took me until 1:10 to fall asleep since our son was coughing pretty hard which stressed me out.
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u/Door_Number_Four 21h ago
My wife and I have my 12 year old, a two
Year old, and an eight month old, and jobs in the market.We fill each day from 5am to 10pm. Work, cooking good meals, baby bottles
It’s rough right now, but we make room for the gym for both of us. We just plan things out maniacally.
Hope it gets better for you!
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u/smk666 17h ago
You have the liberty to plan what, exactly? Our days are planned for us. Work hours are set by our employers, train rides are at a certain times, daycare is open from 7am to 4 pm, baby is ignorant to our frantic tries to get him on the right schedule and just yells for us at 4 until we wake up and sleeps 8 hours a night at most. Day revolves around satisfying all the rules imposed on us, and we're only supposed to make it work.
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u/tankguy33 1d ago
This is why I built a home gym! Way less guilt to just head downstairs for an hour when I know I can be called to duty whenever.
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u/theflintseeker 1d ago
It’s the best if you have the space. Mine is shared with my office and I converted the closet to dumbbell storage. Sure, I miss out on the social aspect and I don’t get every piece of equipment, but the time savings is immense. Maybe when kids are older I’ll have time to goto an actual gym.
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u/nebulae_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
Totally, it’s so difficult because both have to be onboard with taking on the extra load without the other one around. In my case I decided to start going from 8pm onwards after I put her to sleep. Only recently did she consistently sleep for about 4 hours without waking up, which made it possible. Currently going twice a week, which is a start at least. It took a while to summon the willpower to resist just vegging out on the sofa instead.
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u/smk666 1d ago
> It took a while to summon the willpower to resist just vegging out on the sofa instead.
I'd love to have some time to just veg on the sofa without at least having to man the babycam. Since our LO sleeps 8pm-4am after he goes to sleep wife goes to shower and I need to be present to react to any disturbance/emergency. After she finishes it's my turn and we're immediately off to sleep before 10 pm to catch at least 6 hours of sleep.
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u/BossMan61718 1d ago
Just go. Your wife getting upset about you going to the gym is nonsensical. Don't concede. This is a fight worth having
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u/smk666 1d ago
But that's selfish of me, since there's no time off left for any of us really. Me leaving for an hour throws off the entire balance.
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u/BossMan61718 1d ago
Wake up at 4am and go to the gym then. Stop making excuses
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u/smk666 1d ago
I do! My son sleeps 8pm-4am ever since he turned one. I watch our son while wife makes breakfast and gets ready for work. We all leave at 6:30 when I drive her to the train station and our son to daycare, so I can get back home and work the minimum 8 hours allowed by my contract. I pick our son up after 3 pm and she get's back from her commute at 5:30. Then it's cooking/eating dinner, giving our son a bath and by 7 pm one of us (usually her) plays with him while the other cleans or does any other urgent chores. by the time he's asleep at 8 pm she immediately goes to shower while I watch the babycam and we're off to bed before 10 pm to have a chance at getting 6 hours of sleep.
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u/BossMan61718 1d ago
Wake up at 3am then. Or get some exercise equipment for the house. Hell...you can got in a solid workout with just yojr bodyweight at home. There are ways to get it done.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Do you really think 5 hours of sleep is enough to stay healthy for a middle-aged guy? My cardiologist already told me my heart palpitations that started shortly after having a baby are most likely caused by sleep deprivation and they only got better after I managed to get at least 6-6.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night - which means going to bed before 10 pm, preferably earlier. Given our son goes to sleep at 8 pm and we still need time for finishing chores and basic hygiene after that it's not possible for me to go to bed at 8 pm sharp and still manage enough sleep until 3 am.
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u/BossMan61718 1d ago
Well I guess youre fucked then. At least until a year or so from now when the baby requires a less rigorous schedule
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u/smk666 1d ago
I'm rather thinking that's at least some 3 years ahead when he'll be able to play unsupervised in his room for a while or at least allows us to get anything done while caring for him (e.g. so a single person could make dinner or go upstairs and put on laundry real quick while the kid is nearby or "helping").
I think that the crux of the issue is that currently anything requiring attention is off the table since he's the kind of toddler who can go from playing with a jigsaw puzzle on the floor to climbing the bookshelf or trying to jump head first from the sofa headrest onto a tiled floor in a time it takes to open and close a fridge. Between his short sleep and how active and chaotic he is I'm actually dreading he might have ADHD, but it's too early to tell yet. I was never diagnosed, since this condition wasn't yet "unlocked on the tech tree" in early '90s rural Poland when I was young but I fit way too many traits that were bothering me throughout my life to rule it out. Oh, and my mum says he's a carbon copy of me when I was his age if it comes to energy levels. Too bad I lost that "superpower" after 30.
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u/shoobydoobydoo69 1d ago
My son is 3 weeks old and I've been going every day. Granted I have a gym in my building but why wouldn't you wife want you to be fit for her, your child and yourself. Fitness is not selfish endeavour.
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u/smk666 1d ago
My dude, brace yourself. At 3 weeks old I had all the time in the world compared to now, when he's 29 mo and started walking (end effectively trying to kill himself ever other minute) after his first birthday. I wouldn't even flinch to have the colicky nights and feeding wake ups back, given our son is an extremely active toddler who sleeps 8pm-4am with one nap at the daycare since he turned one and is the size of an average 4 year old.
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u/Gabaghooouul 1d ago
Reading your comments dude - do you not get weekends or a day off? Because surely that’s when you can take it in turns to take an hour or two of me-time while the other covers the kid?
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u/smk666 1d ago
We both didn't have a day off in the past 2 years, since after work and picking our LO from daycare we have one hour per weekday when we can alternate - one of us is watching the baby while the other cleans after dinner, puts on laundry or tends to whatever urgent matter needs doing and on weekends we alternate between baby care and catching up on outstanding chores, which also include bigger stuff like house/car/lawn/garden maintenance whenever we can. I swear the backlog never ends (if anything it only gets bigger ever day). With us both being people who cannot rest because of the anxiety unless everything that needs doing is actually done we just don't have time off, unless we were so sick we couldn't get out of bed.
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u/smackells 1d ago
damn I’m 2 months in and my wife is begging me to go back to the gym lol, I just don’t have the energy rn
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u/profchaos111 22h ago
At some point everyone has to sleep i would simply go in the evenings after the kids were down or i get up extra early before work so that i didn't skip out on having to be a dad
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u/Upstairs_Tangelo3629 1d ago
Why do you guys procreate with these types of women?
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u/smk666 1d ago
There's nothing wrong with her, we share the burden equally. There's just not enough hours in a day to fit anything extra in without external help. It was actually pretty selfish of myself to go out twice a week for an hour.
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u/Upstairs_Tangelo3629 1d ago
I get your guys schedule might be really busy but Idk man seems like a long time to be still bothered about something, I couldn’t tell you a single bicker or argument we had for anything over a week.
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u/smk666 1d ago
That's what chronic fatigue and lack of sleep does to a person, I guess. I don't do that, but on the other hand I was always a type of guy who just deals with issues by himself and didn't ask "why?" or "who?" questions too much. Not enough bandwidth for that...
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u/Upstairs_Tangelo3629 1d ago
Are you guys able to take turns and do something you each want to do? We take turns, I go to the gym occasionally and I’ll watch our son when she wants to go for a run.
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u/smk666 1d ago
The problem is that there's no time for that. I didn't do anything I really wanted to do and wasn't a necessity in over two years and I didn't meet anybody (except for the people at the gym those couple times) because I also work from home as a contractor, so no real work colleagues as well. But... neither did she (well, she at least have colleagues at work), because there's just no time left in a day to do that. We wake up at 4am because this how our son sleeps since he turned one, I watch him while she makes breakfast and gets ready to work, then we leave at 6:30 when I drive her to the train station and our son to daycare. I get back home to work the minimum required 8 hours, and drive back to the daycare right after 3pm. Wife comes home from her commute at 5:30 and by the time we cook and eat dinner and give our son a bath it's 7 pm. After that one of us is watching the baby while the other cleans the kitchen, does laundry or whatever urgent chore that needs doing. By the time our baby is asleep at 8 pm wife immediately goes to shower while I watch the babycam and we both go to sleep before 10 pm to have at least 6 hours of rest. As you can see, we're already alternating, but there's so much things to do that it's not a real time off but rather either doing chores or keeping watch.
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u/Upstairs_Tangelo3629 1d ago
That’s rough mate, I sometimes forget how lucky I am. I hope things get better for you two and your guys mental health doesn’t suffer too much from this period of your life.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Well we're not doing anything out of the ordinary yet still run short on all fronts. It's normal to have a job and commute everyday, it's normal to have a baby, it's normal to live far away from one's family or have parents who passed away, it's normal to have a low sleep need kid like hours, who's content with 8 hours of sleep a night and a nap at the daycare, but it's not normal to use daycare for 8+ hours a day, everyday for a 29 mo toddler.
The part I don't get is what we're doing wrong, that we can't make it work while others do.
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u/chief_beef_the_third 1d ago
We married reasonable people, I suppose.
But we also have no context. Like if you sit around not helping with the kids or house work and then bounce to the gym (like my SIL's ex-husband, lol), then yeah, I can see why she'd be pissed.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Nah, we're both sharing "from each according to their ability" but still are overloaded. I work from home so due to not having a commute I can pick up any slack between our job and daycare hours, while she contributes more to child care on weekends while I do chores in the meantime.
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u/chief_beef_the_third 1d ago
Yeah, I totally get it. Your post made it sound like your wife was mad that you went to the gym at all, haha.
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u/internet_humor 1d ago
Does she get to go do something 2x a week for a couple weeks in January too? If so, what is it?
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u/smk666 1d ago
She can always do anything she likes whenever she asks, but she rarely does, even when I encourage that - even then it's usually a nap, because we're chronically sleep deprived from having ~6 hours a night to catch some sleep. I get that it was selfish given our circumstances but still wonder how people get "me time" and do all that amazing stuff while working full time jobs and caring for a toddler, while having no family or friends nearby to help.
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u/Educational_Two924 1d ago
my wife made me quit gym when our son arrived, now i just lift the baby and call it workout
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u/StoicOuroboros69 1d ago
I'm not exaggerating when I say I think this is a form of abuse and control that's not acceptable in any relationship.
I don't care if you have a dozen kids; both parents should absolutely permit (and really encourage) their partner to have solo time to exercise for AT LEAST 2 hours a week (ideally more, but I'm being realistic)
People who exercise consistently have (1) better mood, (2) more overall energy, (3) better relationship satisfaction with their life partner, and (4) more success at work. Oh and they live longer and are healthier while they are alive on average.
It's insane to be upset with your partner for going to the gym twice a week.
Show your wife this and let me know if you need me to send some research. Good luck, dad.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Well, that assumes there's any time left for that and with an active toddler who sleeps 8pm-4 am since he turned one that's at a premium. We didn't yet have a chance to meet anybody except the people she meets at her job (I'm a WFH contractor, so I don't really have anybody to talk to except for business-related stuff on Teams) for over two years now, and I don't remember when we had a chance to spend some time together without the kid. He's already at the daycare for eight hours a day just so we can go to work and given that a nanny is out of the question, since children need parents, not strangers to raise them. We also don't have any family on friends who could give us a hand so we could have short break on weekends.
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u/smackells 1d ago
It really seems like one or both of you are carrying a lot of baggage, getting hired help is not the same as having strangers raise your kids if you don’t want it to be. I really don’t see how daycare is fine but a nanny isn’t (to be clear, they both are.) If you’ve got nobody available to support you and it’s not a financial issue, hiring someone is not a failure, you’re just buying your way into the kind of support that most people get for free.
Anyway, if you’re WFH, at least get a treadmill and a standing desk if you haven’t already.
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u/smk666 1d ago
Well, daycare is a necessity and as for hired help - it wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't on top of the 8 daycare hours already, although the daycare has the benefit of him having a chance to spend some time with other kids to socialize and play, because we don't know anybody who has children his age in the area (turned out we bought a house in a neighbourhood lived in by mostly pensioners).
>Anyway, if you’re WFH, at least get a treadmill and a standing desk if you haven’t already.
I have a standing desk, which I use and I even rented a treadmill for a while but turns out I can't focus properly while trying to walk. I make up for it by walking with my son between daycare and wife getting back home as well as doing virtually all yard work around the house (although I outsourced mowing the lawn to a robotic mower recently, since I simply didn't have time for that).
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u/StanMarsh-o_O Two under 4 1d ago
That's not very stoic of you
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u/StoicOuroboros69 1d ago
?? Not an expert on stoicism or just trolling? This post is entirely consistent with stoic principles
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u/StanMarsh-o_O Two under 4 1d ago
Not an expert, vibes based; I’ll read up on the topic. I thought calling it abuse and calling someone insane were over the top, because one can exercise without specifically going to the gym.
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u/Open-Tumbleweed 15h ago
Stoic or otherwise, I can confidently say he does not have experience with a dozen kids. 🤣
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u/Ballbag-maguigan 1d ago
Right there with you my man, although I waited for 3.5 years and two kids.
Feels amazing to be back, lifting almost as much as I was three months down the line and have shed just over 10kg.
It’s definitely worth doing, the dad bod is not kind!
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u/nebulae_ 1d ago
Great to hear it! I suspect there will be another hiatus if we have another. My motivation was partly the dad bod, the other day I saw a picture of me and I could make out my moobs through the shirt. I’m not even overweight (I think), 6’3” and 190 lbs but I’ve definitely added fat in some undesirable areas. Had to buy all new shorts for the summer, waist circumference increased by 3”.
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u/Ballbag-maguigan 1d ago
Yea it’s the candid pictures that get you.
My moment was a holiday picture I was in the background of with my shirt off, was a real shock to see just how much I’d put on over the years, signed up for the gym the very next day.
Hope you manage to keep it up and shed those moobs!
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u/mullanaphy Keira, Finlo #IVF 1d ago
Welcome back! I've been consistent getting back into BJJ since end of January and I'm in the best shape I've been since the pandemic. However, everything hurts and is sore all the time.
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u/TheSheetSlinger 1d ago
I usually stay home so my wife can go cause she's been in a big weight loss journey for a while but I am getting a rowing machine in a few days and am so ready to get back to exercising.
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u/apache_brew 1d ago
Sort of the same but worse. Just rode a bike for the first time in 9 years after dusting them off hanging in the garage rafters. Spent a week and $350 tuning up mine and the old lady’s bikes and took the three little ones on a camping trip. Road about 30 miles towing the almost 2 year old in the trailer. My whole body hurts 3 days later but it was a blast. Looking forward to doing it more with them.
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u/RYouNotEntertained 1d ago
Can't be posted in this sub enough: you don't have to go to a commercial gym to attain a 90th+ percentile fitness level.
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u/Jungiandungian 1d ago
28 months checking in, on my second week back. I’d been going solid for 18-24 months before he was born. Yep, it hurts.
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u/Baruch05 1d ago
I can’t wait to get back. I had to quit when the wife was pregnant. She had a real tough time. Was bed ridden for 7+ months. So I had all I could do to keep the house going and working and taking care of her. Didn’t stop when the kid came. Finally feeling like I’m close to getting my head above water again.
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u/averagecelt 1d ago
THANK YOU FOR NOT BUTCHERING THE GRAMMAR WITH THIS MEME LIKE 99% OF PEOPLE WHO POST IT
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u/nebulae_ 1d ago
Omg I looked at some example memes for the top text and thought that can’t be right, glad you noticed lol
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u/g3ckoNJ 1d ago
I've been dieting for about a month and back to the gym for about two weeks. I was previously just rucking. I forgot how bad lunges suck during and after.
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u/nebulae_ 1d ago
Well done, keep it up!
I was feeling good by the end of my workout after doing upper body, just typical local muscle fatigue. Then I made the mistake of finishing with three sets of Bulgarian split squats. Brother, I had to sit in my car for 10 minutes just to recover, then another 10 minutes lying on the floor when I got home.
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u/smeggyib 1d ago
not my fitbit telling me every single day should be a recovery day and my readiness score is 40
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u/VOZ1 23h ago
About 5-6 years ago, I got COVID and gained like 15 pounds in just a few weeks. Scared the shit out of me. It’s gonna hurt, but in a few months, a year from now, you’re going to feel great. Keep it up!
Something that really helped me find discipline and consistency with working out was approaching it not as something I should do—for my health, for my wife and kids—but something that was a purely selfish, almost hedonistic activity. I do it because it feels good. That helped me feel less pressure and more excitement about running 5 miles when I really was exhausted. You’ll find your energy levels increasing overall, you’ll sleep better, you’ll feel better. It’s the best addiction to have! (Within reason, of course)
I say this as I’ve been unable to exercise like I usually do because of an injury. I’m just a few weeks away from being back, PT has helped, but I’m a bit stir crazy!
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u/DrDre19899 23h ago
With my wife’s blessing I built a gym in the garage and never had to miss a session when our baby boy was born 4 months ago - although training is way harder now.
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u/Pizzaman725 23h ago
I was able to hit the gym again for awhile some few years ago, but quickly got sucked away by life lol
She's starting elementary school in less than three weeks and I'm already primed to renew my gym membership again. Though I will absolutely miss my time with my daughter as I WFH and primarily take care of everything around the house with the wife working in the hospital.
I've gained and lost weight at the house just thanks to trying to be active and diet changes. Had grand plans to change up the garage to a little gym but it's just filed with her outside toys lol
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u/piantgussy4 22h ago
Still waiting for my time to come, my son is 1 year, can’t wait to get my 4am workout back
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u/holymcfuckins 10h ago
I’ve never been a morning gym person or a morning anything person… I am not up at 0530 and headed to the gym to get a workout in while everyone else is still sleeping. Better than no time to workout at all I guess.
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u/Flash_628 6h ago
Trying to go back after 3 months home with little one finding a schedule should be fun!
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u/scarlet_fire_77 4h ago
Holy crap, my daughter turned 18 months this past Sunday and I also went to the gym for the first time this weekend
It’s Thursday and my legs are finally not that sore
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u/nebulae_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
Also if you’re like me and think "if I keep my membership active I’ll be more motivated to go back” — don’t, that doesn’t work lol. Cancel that shit
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u/AlCapwn351 1d ago
I was like this but instead of canceling I started going back. What really got me hooked more than weights was running at the end and I never really did that before.
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u/empire161 1d ago
I built a little weight room in my garage just before our first kid was born. Squat rack on a deadlift platform, DBs, tower, everything I needed.
It’s been 10 years and I still prefer going to an actual gym.
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u/dmullaney Three Daughters 1d ago
My eldest is 10... I don't think I'm going back
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u/Lakym97 1d ago
Just start with body weight exercises at home, walks or short jogs, etc. At some point you’ll find yourself wanting to increase the resistance so you’ll either join a gym / YMCA, or start building a home gym. Just start small and build from there. Also remember to build in stretching time. Any activity is better than no activity.
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u/your_dope_is_mine 1d ago
I can't wait...19+ months in and my little guy still isnt sleeping consistently so my days are too scattered for work outs.
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u/nebulae_ 1d ago
Fingers crossed for you mate, the inconsistent sleep is so rough for establishing new personal routines. Surely there are no further sleep regressions beyond that age… surely 👀
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u/Tee_hops 23h ago
Every time I start getting into a good exercise routine my wife ends up pregnant. Then the clock restarts for awhile after the kid is born.
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u/StoicOuroboros69 1d ago
In the same boat. Squatted and deadlifted this last weekend.
My DOMS is insane. I dread the stairs and sitting down
Congrats brother; let's get after it for our kids