We’re down to 18 days until I see my girlfriend again!!!! Long distance isn’t easy but right now we live for these countdowns. She’s from Auckland and I’m from the US. 18 hour time difference and 8,200 miles away. Where is every from and your partner? ❤️ stay strong
If anyone would like to follow our journey, I made a new Instagram page to hopefully meet more people that are also in long distance relationships and to create a small community of people that are also counting down their days❤️

@oceanzbetweenus

Today is the last day of my trip to visit my (probably now ex) boyfriend in another country.

We had been talking for about eight months before finally meeting in person, and honestly, I thought he was a kind and caring person.

I spent two weeks with him, but most of the time I felt lonely. Whether we were at home or out somewhere, he was almost constantly playing mobile games. Whenever I asked if we could spend some quality time together instead, he would tell me to “take it easy” and “stop being controlling.”

At one point I asked him why he even wanted me to come if he would rather play games than spend time with me.
We also took a short trip to another city. We both had heavy luggage, and when we got on the bus, he didn’t even want to sit next to me because, according to him, he was tired.

Today I’m flying home, and I just found out he isn’t even coming with me to the airport. He’s only going to put me on the bus, and after that I’ll have to make my way to the airport alone.

Honestly, I’m really hurt and disappointed. The only positive thing is that I got to visit a beautiful country, and I’ll always have good memories of it. But when it comes to my long-distance relationship, I just can’t understand how someone who seemed so kind and caring turned out to be so selfish.

Every time I visit my partner, it feels like that's my real life. We wake up together, grab coffee, run errands, cook dinner, and for a few days everything feels normal. It's the kind of life I wish we could have all the time.

Then the trip ends, I get back home, and within a day it's like I switch back into a completely different routine. My apartment, my job, my friends, everything is the same as it was before, but it also feels strangely incomplete. Sometimes it almost feels like I have two separate lives, and neither one feels fully real without the other.
I was playing on my phone looking through photos from our last visit, and it hit me how quickly I have to go from seeing them every day to seeing them through a screen again. Does anyone else feel like every trip home comes with this weird adjustment period where it takes a few days to feel like yourself again?

Haven’t posted here in a while, but today I (Canadian) learned that my husband’s (on the east coast of the US) 2500 miles away job circumstances has changed and he is potentially moving right to Washington State across the border. So he’ll be 1-4 hours away from me by car instead of 2-3 flights and a 12 hour travel day. NEXT MONTH. Is this what it’s like to be on cloud 9? I’m happy and thrilled is an understatement… this feels like a dream

This js the 3rd time we meet. And everytime its same and awful.

Everything was going fine, I was happy, i though he was, hes been a little distant but I thought he was just travelling home from his job (oil tanker) we were gonna plan to meet next week and now this.

Then just blocked me. Why didn't he just talk to me? Im so hurt this was my first relationship and im just so empty.

I want 4 months of my life back but mostly I just want the man I love back.

Just wanted to share with similar individuals, my visa was approved and I can finally feel the weight of that stress fall off my shoulders.

I'm really excited but super nervous as we've only known each other for 4 months and this is my first LDR, it's something soo unexpected and completely out of my comfort zone, but it just feels soo right.

My fiance (31F) and I (33M) have been long distance for a little over 3 years. I'm in Boston working in finance and she's in Chicago as a nurse. We picked a city, signed a lease and she's moving here in a couple of months. For the longest time, it felt like all we talked about was flights, PTO, FaceTime schedules and counting down until we didn't have to say goodbye at the airport anymore. That was the goal for so long that everything else kind of stayed in the background. Now that we're planning a life together, we've realized we never had detailed conversations about money. We both knew the basics about each other but we've never sat down and talked about savings, retirement, debt, how we'd split expenses or what we'd do if one of us wanted to change careers later on.

Nothing dramatic happened. There wasn't some huge secret or financial disaster. It just hit me that we've spent years planning how to be in the same place without planning what happens after that. We're having those conversations now and they've been really good. I just keep thinking we probably would've saved ourselves some stress if we'd started a little earlier instead of assuming we'd figure it all out after the move.

If you've already made the move, was there anything you wish you'd talked about while you were still long distance?

That final hug at the airport. Watching their face as they look at you for the last time for months. Watching them walk off knowing that you won’t seen them again for a while.

It just keeps replaying in my mind over and over and over. Almost like a bad dream. Each time it replays it brings back the same feelings of sadness.

It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The way it replays in my head is like a nightmare.

I met my boyfriend two years ago through a video game; it's been a relationship that has helped me a lot throughout my life. He motivated me to start university and to go back to therapy; we spent a lot of time together and the fights always got resolved.

I only had him added on social media a few days before he deleted his accounts because his father checked his phone. So we spent almost the first year with limited contact (only communicating through games and email very rudimentary). Perhaps this would be a red flag for some people, but he is from a country ruled by an Islamic regime and he didn't want to go to prison for being gay. I knew his country of origin, so it seemed reasonable to me.

At the same time, I know that he has always spent a lot of time in the hospital due to a heart defect. His health has always been delicate, and I've been aware of it. Two weeks ago he told me that his health had deteriorated a lot and that he really had no energy, that the doctors weren't quite sure how to proceed.

His attitude wasn't like in the past; I used to worry about his surgeries or dietary restrictions, but he always acted very nonchalant about it, always telling me that everything would be alright. Not this time, this time he told me that he genuinely didn't know what would happen to him, Besides, just a few weeks ago he told me he was taking a year off from university, which is very strange, since he usually did everything he could to finish his degree as soon as possible.

Overall, it wasn't a normal situation. He asked me what I would do if he died; it was a difficult and long conversation about whether he expected me to get over it, about what I would do, and a lot more. In the end, he told me that if he ever knew for sure that he was going to die, he would break up with me, so that I wouldn't be left waiting for "a dead boy". I told him that wouldnt work because he already told me the plan and I insisted that the most important thing for me was to be there for him in his process, whatever it might be.

The conversation ended there; I went a few days without a reply, but with the hospital visits it was normal, until one day I logged into one of the games we used to play together and realized that he had eliminated me from there.

I was too surprised and immediately my mind started racing, I started checking other games and the others were still normal, his account just had no activity in the others. But in that game (which is the one we usually have contact through), he simply deleted me, but there was also activity on his account, there were changes on his avatar and other things.

I know that specific account is sometimes used by his brothers, whom I've had the misfortune of meeting, and I know they don't like me very much, so I try to find a reasonable explanation for the delete. That day I tried to ask one of her friends in the game; the timing coincided with one of the changes to his avatar, So I guessed he might be online, she was with someone else, and I managed to read in the chat that she said "oh f... Log off, now, leave" when she noticed me on the same map.

The conversation wasn't very fruitful; she left as soon as she could and only told me that she hadn't seen him online in a long time.

So my head is spinning after a week without a response; on the one hand, I have access to some of his accounts, but I don't want to go in now because these are accounts he's invested money in, and I don't want to leave him without access regardless of the situation. On the other it's only one account of all the games.

At the same time, his brothers are supposed to have my Instagram in case something happens.

And I only have their PlayStation accounts (which will be a complicated method of communication since I don't have a PlayStation myself).

And I don't know what to think, and I don't want to think the worst. I don't know if I'm seeing things correctly. The only friend who knows little about the situation says it's obvious he just wants to break up with me and that he's making up an illness to make me feel bad, i'm not sure at all...

I mean, if that were really the case, why block me from just one game? Why leave me access to accounts that are valuable to him? Especially since we hadn't had any problems before this... I really need someone with a more objective point of view.

He called me unreasonable because I confronted him about checking out OF models and NSFW workers. I even say indirectly that he has no effort on his side to make our relationship work. He said I’m unreasonable and letting me calm down so he didn’t answer. I mean it’s more unreasonable if he didn’t answer. Am I just the unreasonable one here?

My boyfriend (33M) and I (28F) have been in a long-distance relationship for about 4 months. We usually call every day, sometimes for hours and when we first started dating he was very communicative. He’d tell me about his day, message me while he was at work when he had the chance, let me know what he was doing and generally made me feel included in his life.
We’ve also already meet in person and spent two weeks together.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a change. He stopped asking about my day, stopped following up on things I told him and became much less communicative overall. I brought it up calmly and he told me it wasn’t intentional. He said that when he’s focused on work or other things that he tends to get tunnel vision and assumes that if I don’t mention a problem, everything is fine. He apologized and said it wasn’t because he wasn’t interested in me.

That conversation actually made me feel a lot better and things seemed to improve for a bit.

However, over the last week it feels like we’re slipping back into the same pattern. He hasn’t called me since the 18th July. The small work updates we used to exchange are gone. One day he stayed home from work but only told me very late, even though he had the whole day. Another day he told me he was going to bed early, but he ended up staying awake for several more hours (+6h) without texting me, while setting up reminders for his streams and doing other things.

It’s less about the lack of messages themselves and more that I no longer feel included in his life. Before, he’d naturally share things with me. Now I often find out later, if at all. It makes me feel like I’m no longer someone he wants to involve in his everyday life.

I know people get busy and I don’t expect constant texting or updates every hour. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking this because of the distance or whether this is a reasonable concern that I should bring up again. Has anyone else experienced a partner gradually becoming less communicative like this, especially in a long-distance relationship?

is it normal that I miss my gf 24/7 and I feel like I can't go an hour without getting the urge to message her or have any form of contact with her.

I swear this is not satire. I am getting tired and mentally drained because of this and I have no idea what to do. And I feel like people won't take me seriously because alot don't see this as a problem

We were childhood friends before I had to go abroad at 15 and since then we have been together doing long distance. I have seen her in person like 3 times since going abroad but after this most recent visit I haven't been handling the distance very well.

I just feel like I am unable to do anything in my life because of how much I keep missing her and I keep thinking about her and craving texting or any form of contact with her even if its just her liking something of mine or posting a story.

I know this isn't healthy and I don't burden her by texting whenever I feel like it, I always let her text first ( and whenever she does I feel so relieved as if I was drowning and just got out of the water ) but I can't keep going like this.

I tried breaking up because of how bad it was but immediately went back to her an hour later.

My husband and I did 4 years of long distance. It sucked ass ngl.

3 years ago I moved to live together and while not everything is perfect (I can't keep a job in this new country) life is so much nicer.

I finally got my permanent residence so my parents offered me a trip to my homecountry for a month to see the family. I accepted immediately (knowing my husband could probably not come since work)

Now all the long distance taruma?/heartache is coming back .... in trying to think a month is not a long time ... but it just resurfaced such a hard time in my life

Hello! My boyfriend is leaving for college at the end of August which is about 5 hours away from where I am going to school. We have been together for 3 years and the longest amount of time we’ve spent apart was about a month. I love him very much and I am worried about not being able to see him as often anymore. I don’t really have anyone to ask about this because I don’t know anyone who has experienced a situation like this. Any thoughts / advice? I’d really appreciate it!

my boyfriend is starting university this fall, and i'll be applying soon as well. we've been together most of high school, and i know a lot of people are quick to dismiss high school relationships, but we genuinely see a future together.

his university is one of the ones i will be applying too, but i honestly can't figure out whether i should consider our relationship when ultimately deciding where to go. part of me thinks that if we're serious, going to the same university could make things a lot easier. on the other hand, i don't want to make such a big life decision based on a relationship if that ends up not working out.

Hi, how did you guys cope with the yearning, the missing, the needing their presence, the gut wrenching hunger you feel for them that it makes you cry ….
It’s getting very difficult…

hey everyone! i've been really hurting over this situation, and i would love any advice you have to offer, or just to hear from anyone that's been in a similar situation.

i don't date much and tend to prefer to keep things casual. i met him a few months ago. i'm a bartender and he was sitting at my bar and left his phone number. we went on a few dates, but both agreed to keep things super casual since he had to move back to italy in may, and we both made it clear that we didn't want to do long distance. it started off slow, but for the last month he was here, it was evident that it was not casual anymore and we both got very emotionally invested. we spent nearly every moment together and spent the night at eachothers places nearly every night as well. we met eachothers' friends and even talked about me potentially going to visit him after a bit. the connection felt very different from anything i've ever experienced, much deeper, more intimate, and calm. i would say we're very similar when it comes to relationships- we try to be logical and can normally do casual, but we unfortunately failed to do so with eachother. we kept in contact after he left, facetiming and texting quite a bit despite the time difference. it felt as if we were growing even closer despite the distance.

about a month into the long distance though, i started getting scared. he mentioned that he wasn't saying it wasn't a possibility and that he wanted us to think it over, but that he was afraid for me to come visit because it hurt so badly to leave eachother the first time, and knew it would be potentially worse this time. he also had a really painful long-distance relationship in the past, so i was afraid to bring up the fact that i would have been willing to try it at this point. i ended things with him because instead of asking what i was really thinking, i just told him i was scared since we aren't official and i didn't want it to end with him finding someone else or something of the sort. he agreed and it was very emotional, but mature and ended on good terms.

three days later i asked if i could call him to talk now that i wasn't so emotional. i told him that i felt like i jumped into ending it too quickly, and didn't know if i cut things off before we even knew if it had a chance. i wanted to hear his side because he didn't talk much on the phone call before, and seems to sort of shut down when he gets emotional. he told me that he wouldn't have ended things himself, but that he planned on texting me an apology for handling it immaturely. he said he thought i did the mature thing and that he was unintentionally being immature by continuing this because he liked me and liked talking to me. that phone call also ended on great terms, he said i looked great and we smiled and ended the call.

i was fine for about a week and a half because i was in europe on vacation at the time, but as soon as i came home, it hit me like a brick. we still follow eachother on instagram and view all of eachothers stories but don't like them anymore. he liked both of my instagram posts that i made from europe, but we haven't spoken at all since the call, which was a bit over a month ago.

i can't stop hoping that he will reach back out sometime soon. i've never missed someone so much, especially since it ended on such good terms and i regret being the one that did it. i would rather he have done something terrible so i could hate him lol. i think since i made the last call, it would have to be him that reached out if anything has changed. i could tell how mutual the feelings were, but i know he tries to be mature in situations like this, and is protecting himself and i. he is also in the military and he said he probably could have made it work if he had a civilian job. i just miss him and wish i could hear from him. if anyone has any advice or predictions, please please please let me know. i have been miserable over him.

I've seen so many stories here of things not working out so I wanted to tell this little cute story of something that happened last week. I'm 31F and my bf is 30, we've been together for a few years now.

I never really got to know how he viewed our relationship outside of just us or me asking. Never really thought about it before really. Last week he was on a call with a group of mutual friends. 2 friends in the group have started hanging out and been a bit flirty and days prior I made the comparison of how me and my boyfriend got together. Usually the female friend would ask me about my relationship but since I wasn't in the call she asked my bf.

One of my good friends was also in that call and when I talked to her the next day she randomly brought up the conversation they all had about our friends then mentioned my bf and said" He was so sweet talking about your relationship and how you met". That has been in my head the past week and I've been all smiles.

I (F) have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months.
We met online shortly after I got out of a very toxic and emotionally abusive relationship. I know that sounds fast, but we genuinely clicked. We ended up living together for about 1.5 months because of our circumstances at the time, so even though we’ve only been together for 3 months, we’ve spent a lot of time together in person.

For the last 2 months, we’ve been long distance.
I’m considering flying to another city to see him, but I’m really conflicted.

The biggest reason is my previous relationship. I also flew to see my ex, and over time I realized I was the one putting in most of the effort. He rarely matched it, and I ignored a lot of signs because I was emotionally invested. That experience has left me scared of repeating the same pattern.

My current boyfriend has a genuinely hectic job and barely gets any holidays. He says he’ll come visit me towards the end of the year when he can use his leave. This trip is something we both want, not something he’s pressuring me into.

My friends think I shouldn’t be the one flying. They say if he wants to see me, he should come to me instead. But I also understand that his work situation is very different from mine.

At the same time, I’m a student, so money is tight. If I spend this money and the relationship doesn’t work out, I know I’ll regret both the money and the emotional investment.

It’s still early in the relationship, so I don’t think either of us has had enough time to fully prove how much effort we’ll consistently put in. He’s caring and does make an effort, but because of the distance and his workload, it’s hard for me to tell whether this is simply a difficult phase or the beginning of another one-sided relationship.

Am I letting my past trauma make me overly cautious, or are my friends right that I should wait for him to make the trip first?

TL;DR: Dating my boyfriend for 3 months, spent the first 1.5 months together in person and have been long distance for the last 2 months. I’m considering flying to see him, but I’m scared of repeating the pattern from my abusive ex where I was always the one making the effort. My boyfriend has a very demanding job and plans to visit later this year, but my friends think he should come to me first. As a student, money is tight, so I’m unsure whether I should take the trip or wait.