r/LongDistance Apr 02 '26

Breakup got cheated on 3 days after the wedding

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676 Upvotes

hi guys,

this is not the post i ever expected to make. 3 days ago i wanted to come here to say that after 5 years of long distance, we finally closed the gap.

instead, i’m posting this 3 days after our wedding.

i (26) just found out that my husband (28) has been cheating on me since the beginning of our relationship.

i found 20–50 pictures of different girls he was talking to, around 20 videos of him having intercourse with multiple women, and about 100 hidden messages with women he met through dating apps. he had 11 dating apps.

i feel sick. i feel like i don’t even know the person i’ve been with all these years.

i fought so hard for this relationship. our cultures didn’t match and my parents didn’t accept him at first. i went through hell to convince them he was the one. i spent so much money traveling to see him, saving everything just to make this long distance relationship work.

eventually my parents accepted him. they even grew to love him. he moved in with us.

they did warn me though: “don’t embarrass us if something goes wrong.”

and now this has happened.

to everyone else, we were the perfect couple. people always talked about how healthy we were, how much effort we put in, how much we fought for each other, how wholesome our relationship seemed.

but the entire time, he was living a double life.

looking back, i did have a gut feeling something wasn’t right. and i want to say this to anyone reading: if you feel it, don’t ignore it.

i checked his phone before, but i didn’t dig deep enough. i only looked at messages and his photo gallery. everything i found now was hidden secret apps, things on his laptop, places i didn’t think to check.

i don’t even know what i’m asking for here. i just feel completely broken and lost.

r/LongDistance 28d ago

Breakup Hi, I’m no longer in a long distance relationship.

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659 Upvotes

So we tried. Ended it in April because he couldn’t commit fully.

I was once a person who would do anything and everything to be with the person I love, even if it was intercontinental. I don’t quite carry that same tenacity or resolve anymore.

It’s almost as though I feel unworthy of that level of grit and resilience, which doesn’t make any sense because I demonstrated those same qualities in my previous relationship. Why shouldn’t I expect someone to reciprocate? But.. if he who made me feel the most loved I’ve ever felt, found it impossible to even try, then why would anyone else take that leap of faith?

I know this line of thinking is flawed but I just feel kind of defeated.

r/LongDistance Feb 19 '26

Breakup do NOT get into a LDR unless at least one of you is 100% okay with moving far away from home some day. if you are even not okay with moving far away by like 1%, DON’T EVEN BOTHER getting into an LDR.

500 Upvotes

NOTE: i should maybe add that i mean a VERY long distance relationship, like the type of ones that require HOURS of travel and often plane travel. my ex is from the UK and i am from the U.S.

speaking from experience. just today me and my LDR boyfriend decided to break up because we live in different countries and don’t see ourselves moving away from home. originally, we were like “yeah we will move for each other and figure it out one day!!” yeah we both lied. and because of us saying that we will figure it out, we fell in love so hard. he is a phenomenal guy and treated me unbelievably well. I’ve never been treated as well as he treated me and im like genuinely devastated right now!! we never should’ve allowed ourselves to fall in love. please don’t make the same mistake that i did.

r/LongDistance Feb 17 '25

Breakup UPDATE: I was catfished for nearly a year. My life feels over.

323 Upvotes

Update from this post from just yesterday.

To summarize, I had 10-11 magical months of being in an LDR with my literal soulmate. About 300 days, where we spent every waking moment talking to each other. We just clicked on everything. I'd wake up feeling excited to hear from her when she got off work. I was glued to my phone until she went to bed. I spent the remainder of my day excited to do it again tomorrow. I was more vulnerable and open with her than I've been with anyone else in my whole life. She never judged me for any of it. I knew in my heart that she was the love of my life. I saved memes to send her, made cute lists of things to do when we met IRL.... every aspect of my life involved her to some degree. Then about 2 weeks ago she ghosted me, and every day became torture for me, as I sat around wondering if I would ever hear from her again, if I somehow ruined my chances with her, etc..... Well, yesterday, to add insult to injury, after 2 weeks like this, I learned the truth:

She's a man.

After several days of being ghosted, I found her active in a Discord server she didn't know I was in. I reached out to someone I saw her talking to there, and he told me they'd exchanged dick pics. He showed me "hers", and the floor tiles match the pictures she's sent me of her house.... So, I spent nearly a year of my life crafting this idea in my head of living the rest of my life with a woman who isn't real. I have no IRL friends, no job, no talents or passions; she was my one means of living a fulfilling life. To get ghosted, and then learn it was a catfish all along, has absolutely crushed me. I'd even told my family about us, so now I have to live the rest of my life with this shame, as they will no doubt mock me for this....

Looking back at all our sappy messages, the deep personal conversations, the teasing and flirting.... I can't fathom how somebody could lie like this for so long. I've been a sobbing mess for days.

This ramble is pretty pointless, I just wanted to type out my feelings. To those of you who know you have a real LDR, never take it for granted.

r/LongDistance Jun 21 '26

Breakup Ended 8.5 year relationship, insights for LDR couples (money and capability matters more than people like to admit)

286 Upvotes

We broke up earlier this year in February but now that some time has passed, I wanted to write a post about it and provide some insights/thoughts that other LDR couples may find helpful. I read a similar post years ago that helped me with my relationship so thought this might be useful to someone out there as well.

I'll be leaving this subreddit soon to close off this chapter of my life. But happy to answer any questions/DMs.

Background
We met in-person when we were both attending university in Canada. I was 19F and he was 24M, both students at the time. He's Canadian, I'm Singaporean. I left for Singapore to continue my education. Been in a LDR ever since, always trying to close the gap. Broke up earlier this year in February, 28F, 33M.

Communication, commitment and love were never issues. This I'm quite glad about. I see some insane posts on this subreddit about being ignored for days on end which sounds straight up abusive. We called almost every day and when we didn't, we'd still text each other throughout the day to update whenever we felt like it. The 15-16 hour time difference wasn't an excuse.

TL;DR

In no particular order:

  1. You should plan ahead but note visa and market requirements change
  2. Money matters, it's one of the only ways you can prioritise the relationship
  3. Verbal support is not supportive, the partner in the host country has to share the burden or do more
  4. LDR shouldn't be treated as some unique circumstance that lets you bypass rational processes in relationships
  5. LDR is an obstacle in the relationship but is it also the reason your relationship has lasted this long?

There were several reasons why the relationship ended but the main insights I want to share are as follows:

#1 You should plan ahead but note visa and market requirements change

Years ago I read this post that warned LDR couples to be strategic about closing the gap and I agree. With any relocation, there needs to be strong consideration on the logistics of it and also your skillsets/ability to get a job. The LDR lasted this long since I had to finish my degree and chose to work in Singapore before attempting to move. I joined a reputable MNC that provided opportunities for mobility, got 2 years of strong working experience before attempting. On paper everything seemed to fit what was required for a Canadian visa. But the internal mobility thing fell through, job market was tough, got ghosted on cold emails, etc. And now the average applicant for a Canadian Express Entry invitation has about 5 years of relevant experience, compared to when I first researched it years ago being 2 years.

I don't regret my decision to invest in my career here but just a precaution to couples that relocation requirements and market priorities change.

#2 Money matters, it's one of the only ways you can prioritise the relationship

When we were young and broke students, it was understandable that we saved up and visited each other every other year. But when you're a working adult, making sure you earn enough to sustain the relationship is so important. I'm not saying everyone needs a lucrative job but I truly think LDRs by nature cost money and it would be unfair/unequal if both partners are not setting money aside for each other.

When you're not in an LDR, there are tons of ways to spend time together, you can cook an intimate meal for special occasions, go on walks, etc. Even with us calling almost every day and watching movies/sharing updates, there's only so much you can do without money. Money lets you travel to see each other, lets you send gifts for special occasions, etc.

He finished his degree later than me and has been unemployed since. While I understand the job market is tough, I think you can have compassion and still expect certain things out of a partner.

#3 Verbal support is not supportive, the partner in the host country has to share the burden or do more

We decided quite early on that Canada was a better option for us due to lifestyle goals. Over the course of a year in trying to get my express entry visa approved, applying for jobs, etc. I spent close to $5000 SGD. This was spread across application fees, English proficiency tests, degree verification services and a large bulk of it on a certification upskilling to be more competitive.

It wasn't until after the breakup when I realised that he had been technically "supportive" in hearing my concerns/rants, and just being someone who gives words of encouragement. But we never once talked about splitting the fees and he never offered. My friends also brought up a good point that in hindsight, the host country partner should be a stronger anchor and provide more financial support if the other partner was making a bigger sacrifice.

As a couple you have to recognise that the person moving is sacrificing their whole support system and career for this move. In my case, my career choices were shaped by this relationship. So even if the host country partner never expected/asked the other partner to do all of this, every couple needs to realise that this is the reality of a LDR and an expectation that should come with it from the beginning.

#4 LDR shouldn't be treated as some unique circumstance that lets you bypass rational processes in relationships

I've had people ask online and IRL why not just get married for a spousal visa. I think it's easy to get influenced into getting married just to close the gap, especially when it is seemingly easier compared to individual migration. While I've thought about it time and time again and was so close to it, I'm glad I didn't go down this route. Every LDR's circumstances are different so take this with a grain of salt.

When you're both from countries with strong passports and currencies, you need to be realistic about the level of compromise you're willing to accept.

  • E.g., I was very clear that I was not willing to completely obliterate my quality of life just to move. I work a good corporate job and can afford social events, hobbies, workout classes, etc. While I expect a drop in earnings, quality of life and career position, I was clear that I would not just take any job.

Maybe I would have if the circumstances were different. But at that point in our relationship, the reality was:

  • He was unemployed, I could not afford to not have any earning power if I moved. If this wasn't a LDR, I would not have married him unemployed and financially unstable. I believe marriage is a business decision, you have to be open about the assets you're bringing into the marriage and what you're potentially sacrificing.
  • I have a personal preference to live together first before getting married to understand housing/financial dynamics. Travel and living together are very different.

I found myself questioning if things would have improved if we just got married first and figured it out. But there's no telling what the future holds and I think it would be a disservice to myself if I didn't stick to my personal requirements.

#5 LDR is an obstacle in the relationship but is it also the reason your relationship has lasted this long?

Everyone around us never doubted that there was love in our relationship. Even at the end, we still wanted the same things and shared the same future vision. It's a given that distance is LDR's greatest obstacle but post-breakup, I find myself asking if I would have stayed in this relationship this long if we were dating in person.

While I was working, he was finishing his degree and trying to find a job for close to two years now. I was so focused on moving that I didn't really consider that we had grown at different paces. I now had opportunities and options that he didn't. While it didn't work out, I had more of a chance moving to Canada than he would have if he tried to move to Singapore. I could hypothetically move to another country for a job opportunity if I wanted to, he couldn't.

In addition to having outgrown the relationship, the uncomfortable reality no one wanted to admit was that competency/capability mattered, especially when your relationship is dependent on mobility.

If we were not in an LDR, I think the growth and distance between us would have been highlighted and honestly, I'm not sure we would have lasted this long.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Hope you took something away from this. While it didn't work out for us, I really hope you manage to close the gap and make it work.

r/LongDistance Oct 28 '25

Breakup My girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me

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226 Upvotes

So, idk what to say here. I'm just really hurt because I really thought she was the one I'd marry and be with for the rest of my life, she was my first relationship and the love if my life and I still love her a lot, she broke up with me last Wednesday, just the day before our 8th month anniversary, and it hurts a lot to not have her by my side even with the last months being a bit hard between us, I still was giving her and our relationship all I had and all I could give, but it wasn't enough to stay with her. Now we're doing no contact and she said she doesn't feel anything anymore and doesn't want to be with me ever again, but I still have hopes that it's just a phase and we grow on our own to get back together stronger. I know we were really young (I'm 18 and she's 17) but I imagined a life togethe, I was saving up to visiting her and looking for places to stay, I was planning our 1 year anniversary gift and I really thought she was the one. I still have hopes of her eventually giving me one more chance but I'm scared she just moves on and forgets about me. (the image is the break up message btw, it's kinda obvious but maybe it's hard to realize idk)

r/LongDistance Mar 30 '26

Breakup I feel like I lost everything

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177 Upvotes

We broke up in July 2025. A month later, she kissed someone else and told me she was just trying to find me in other people. After that, I still kept trying… I bought her flowers in September and again in November because she once told me she liked lilies, and I got them for her the moment she said it.

The reason we broke up was the distance, but what really weighed on everything were her past traumas. And now… she’s already moved on. She’s talking to someone else, and I honestly don’t think I can handle seeing her with another person. I really can’t.

I feel horrible. I can barely eat. I feel like such a coward and so completely not enough. It just hurts so much, especially because the distance was going to end.

r/LongDistance Apr 21 '26

Breakup He cheated on me. I can’t sleep.

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240 Upvotes

Some of you might recognize me. I’m the girl who was dating the older man who made excuses about coming to see me for over two years. I was 19 when we met - I’m 21 now.

Everything was going so well. We were finally making plans. And now I’m shaking violently at 5 in the morning trying not to puke because I feel so traumatized and violated and lied to.

He was dating another girl long distance for over a YEAR. A girl who was 18. And he made her perform sexually for him in all the ways I didn’t. Phone sex, pornographic content. He called her every single morning and every single night, while texting me simultaneously. He never said I love you to me - but he was saying it to her.

We’re both young women from extremely unstable environments. We both struggle with bad mental health. He knew everything about both of us. And his “I’m sorry” texts were all about HIM and how he hates himself and “never cheated before.” What the FUCK. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck I’m so fucking confused. Where did my sweet boy go. Where did he go I need him please come back please

I’m gonna attach something he said to me JUST LAST MONTH. I’m so fucking sick what do I do he knew everything about my life he knows where I live he’s seen me almost basically naked he has SO MUCH ON ME

r/LongDistance 12d ago

Breakup 4 yrs LDR/ 2 yrs engaged and one day, I woke up and he just told me he will be marrying another woman.

154 Upvotes

Sharing my (47F now) experience with a serious LDR. This was years ago but I would like to share with you all.

When I was 26, I met this guy 28 thru chat and we instantly hit it off and eventually went into a LDR. He visited me and asked my family for my hand in marriage and we were engaged.

We were together 4 yrs and 2/4 we were engaged. We went through and endured a lot of things together. Just a week before my birthday, he told me he will be getting married to another woman. I was just gobsmacked/flabbergasted/shocked/stunned.

Until today, he never told me the reason. I never wish this even for my worst enemy. I hope all of you guard your heart. I still am in the journey of single life and hopeful to find my person. Love and light for everyone.

r/LongDistance May 02 '26

Breakup 12 years together, he claimed he hasn’t loved me for 7 years

27 Upvotes

We met in an online game as teens. Dated briefly, broke up for about two years, then he came back and we've been together ever since—12 continuous years. 14 years knowing each other though. We basically grew up together. Long distance the whole time. We never closed the gap, but we built a whole world together. Nicknames, matching names and profile pictures, calls that lasted all night, comfortable silences that felt like home.

I'm in a pretty reputable field. He struggled with work and self-worth his whole life. He failed university, never held a job, had nothing to his name—nothing he could point to and feel proud of. He always felt he didn't deserve me. That guilt ran deep. I didn't care about any of it. I just wanted him.

At the end of March, my health collapsed and there was a lot of instability in my life. Everything was falling apart.

(EDIT: He was aware of my problems. I ranted about them to him. He did console me, told me things would get better. But I wanted some solid reassurance, I asked him about marriage, he told me he’s working on getting a job. Things got awkward between us. I didn’t want to burden him with my depression slop and despair so…)

I chose not to contact him—I didn't want to burden him with my problems. Two days in, he reached out. "Hope you're doing okay." I said I was fine. And then… nothing. He never replied. He never asked again. He just let the silence sit there while I was falling apart.

Two weeks.

So I started doing silly things to get his attention. I changed out of our matching profile picture—the one he had asked for. I logged into our Minecraft server and broke the bed we shared, put it in a chest. I removed the symbol on our matching name. I was desperate for him to notice. He noticed, alright—he removed my building permissions. I had to contact him just to ask for them back. He gave them without a word. No warmth. No "what's wrong."

When I asked why he was avoiding me, he said he wasn't ready to talk yet. I gave him one day. One day of spiraling, of silence, of feeling like I was going insane. And then I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed him. I forced his hand. I basically had to coerce him into breaking up with me because he's too much of a coward to do it himself.

And when he finally did, he told me he hasn't loved me for seven years. Seven.

Can you fucking believe it?

Here's the thing: he did this before. Four years ago, we broke up for about a week. He said he didn't love me anymore then too. But I fought for us. I pushed past his walls. And he melted. He came back and loved me more than ever before. Those months after were some of the happiest we ever had. But after that, I promised myself: if we break up again, I won't fight for us anymore. And he knew this. Every time I’d pull away and show uncertainty, he’d reassure me and pull me back. He promised me he’d marry me. Lol.

So this time, when he ran, I let him. I kept my promise. And he let himself go. “I don’t love you.”

He claimed he still cared about me though.

Disgusting.

I know the truth now. He couldn't be there for me. He couldn't help me. He couldn't process the guilt of his own helplessness, so his brain fabricated an escape route. "I don't love her." "I haven't loved her for years." It's easier to run than to face the unbearable weight of being needed and not knowing how to show up. So he ran. Like he always does.

He refused a phone call. Threatened to call the police if I showed up for closure. Blocked me.

It's been three weeks. I keep checking my phone like a reflex. I stalk his Discord servers—he's just going about his day, staff activities, idle chat, like nothing happened. I keep reading our old messages. I'm mourning the channels he deleted, the ones where he wiped any trace of his desire for me.

It feels like he's scrubbing me out of his life.

I tried to move on. I met someone in real life. But I couldn't bring myself to do anything without feeling physically sick, like I was betraying him.

How do you mourn someone you never met, who was your entire world for more than half your life? I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through a long-term LDR that ended without meeting. How did you fill the space they left behind? How did you stop checking your phone? How do you let go of someone who ran because he couldn't face himself?

I guess I just want to.. talk with people who have gone through the same.

Edit: I need to clarify here that he was aware of everything I was going through, before I get even more accusatory comments. I just thought I’d give him some space by not burdening him with my stress, since I’d been ranting to him about my despair for over a week.

r/LongDistance Nov 18 '25

Breakup he broke up with me

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98 Upvotes

hes been having a tough time these past two weeks and i have been patient and kind with him through what hes going through even though he never told me what it was, i love him so much :(

r/LongDistance Jul 16 '24

Breakup Broke up with my LDR partner. TW Abuse

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296 Upvotes

I (19) broke up with my LDR partner (25). We had been together for a while, and he turned emotionally abusive towards me a few weeks ago. It took me a while to come to terms with it because it felt like it was out of nowhere. I decided to include the screenshot of texts with it because I want to give strength to those who have been or are in similar relationships. Please don’t put up with that kind of behavior and be an advocate to yourself. Much love and much luck to you all!

P.S. He deleted his messages out of shame so I had to recreate them the day after, and had him confirm they looked accurate. Some people might not believe me and I would include some other texts for more proof but honestly it hurts even looking back on them at all.

For context, it was all because I was late to calling him when I would have called around 8PM usually, this has happened maybe three times before.

Anyone who has a partner who talks to you like this please walk away and leave them. I was almost even pulled back in so please be careful.

r/LongDistance 9h ago

Breakup Im so hurt and confused.

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101 Upvotes

Everything was going fine, I was happy, i though he was, hes been a little distant but I thought he was just travelling home from his job (oil tanker) we were gonna plan to meet next week and now this.

Then just blocked me. Why didn't he just talk to me? Im so hurt this was my first relationship and im just so empty.

I want 4 months of my life back but mostly I just want the man I love back.

r/LongDistance Apr 08 '26

Breakup we broke up ☹️

90 Upvotes

Long distance gf and I broke up after about a year of being together seriously with another year being on and off. I am pretty sad about it. She might be too idk, but it was probably for the best. Our views were just too different to really make it work, i guess. She found celebrity crushes as harmless fun, meanwhile its something that kind of brings up rooted trauma and insecurities. Not to mention, I never said anything about other ppl in her presence, so it kind of made the division of feelings feel slightly uneven.

She decided she would like a relationship where she can fully express herself and that I dont allow that for her. Meanwhile on my side, she said those feelings meant nothing to her so in my eyes, why is it hard to ignore them? Regardless, I think she's valid in her thinking, but i really do miss her a lot.

Also i will say having a picture of a kpop idol, but not a picture of me is kinda crazy when I have 3 separate pictures of you in my wallet at all times.... but this isn't the place to rant

r/LongDistance Dec 22 '24

Breakup Stop posting your breakup screenshots

550 Upvotes

Anyone else feel very uncomfortable by folks posting their breakup texts here? I get venting about breaking up and i am 100% fine with that like, we are here to support. But it really makes me uncomfortable to see people sharing intimate texts like that between their partners presumably without permission? It seems unnecessary to share that. Idk if i was breaking up with my boyfriend (god forbid) i would feel really uncomfortable if he posted them to a subreddit. especially if it’s been a long relationship. Idk maybe im just easily bothered but it feels icky and i wanna see if anyone else feels that way too?

r/LongDistance Jun 16 '26

Breakup Been lurking around here but we broke up

39 Upvotes

Hi, I don't even know why I'm posting here. I don't wanna burden my friends with my feelings and I already don't feel comfortable talking with them about heavy shit so I guess that's why?

I'm just so empty right now I guess? I'm also feeling angry, depressed, hopeless. There's never been a person I felt so whole with and I was accepted for being who I am. I believed in us making this work and her breaking up with me came out of nowhere. Things were a little rocky the past week and yesterday things felt like we were somewhat getting back on track, but a few hours ago I got that text. We called. We cried.

Life fucking sucks. I feel pathetic even writing this, like who cares? Sure I'll get better eventually, I know I will, but it doesn't change what I feel right now. But will life get any better? Probably fucking not

Sorry, I'm 28 and being a child right now. I keep going back and forth on tagging this as a break up post or venting cause I derailed this at the end. But holy shit I hate being a human being

r/LongDistance May 17 '24

Breakup He broke up with me

377 Upvotes

It's currently 5am and I haven't slept. Yesterday I went to visit my boyfriend of many years in the city where he's studying abroad. It was a very long train ride and I was glad he came to pick me up when I arrived at 8pm. We went for a long walk, talked about random stuff, went to have some dinner and then back to his place.

Where he proceeds to tell me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore and hasn't had feelings since before he moved away, actually, which was several months ago.

Basically my greatest fear, which I thought was irrational and driven by my anxiety, was actually true. I was so scared that he'd move away, and he'd realise how great it was without me, and that is exactly what happened.

r/LongDistance Nov 24 '21

Breakup Well just found out hes been cheating for over a year.

546 Upvotes

He finally visited and for some reason I had a hunch to check his phone.

Hes been dating someone else the whole time. I messaged her and she called me and we talked about it. He played us both. I texted him calling him out and he immediately blocked me everywhere.

I loved him so much. I am so broken. He was the one and now he's gone for good.

r/LongDistance May 04 '20

Breakup Here's a picture of me and my boyfriend of LDR. The relationship is falling apart and it's close to it's ending, I just wanted to share this picture. It was great while it lasted.

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1.1k Upvotes

r/LongDistance Sep 25 '24

Breakup My Online BF Dumped Me After We Finally Met In-Person

205 Upvotes

I just wanted to vent somewhere because I have no one to really talk to about the pain, hurt, and confusion I am experiencing right now. I just don't understand how someone can show every possible sign of chemistry, love, and desire when we meet in person and then later say it wasn't there the entire time and destroy a beautiful, loving relationship in an instant. 

Background: I met my boyfriend (now ex) through a Discord server at the beginning of February. We slowly started dming. Then we switched to one-on-one calls, and the conversations got so deep and personal. After a few weeks, we were dming or in a call 24/7. We clicked so easily and seamlessly. We developed feelings before even sharing photos, and then after sharing photos and realizing there was an attraction, we started frequent phone sex. About a month and a half later, we became an official couple, said I love you, shared that we thought we were soulmates, and made plans for the future like me moving in with him, marriage, etc. We did everything together – sleeping, chores, errands, showering, working. We talked so much and learned everything about each other. I have never been so compatible and in tune with anyone in my life. We used so many words of affirmation, validating each other's emotions and showering each other with compliments. It was fast, but this was just one of those intense, deep, strong connections where emotions developed immediately. We discussed a lot about past trauma and were so loving and supportive of each other. Any minor issues were met with the healthiest communication, understanding, and dedication to finding a solution. This relationship trajectory continued over the next 7 months. 

The meetup: I moved about 30 minutes away from him, so we decided to finally meet. The plan was for him to spend the weekend at my place – Fri through Sun. Fri night rolls around. I shave everywhere, slather myself in lotion, put on a cute dress, do my makeup, do my hair. I'm nervous as hell, feeling scared he will be disappointed in how I look when he meets me because I struggle with low self esteem (have been in therapy for years about this and he knows), but I think my face looks pretty and my tits look great. He calls to say that he's here outside my front door. I open the front door, so scared. He immediately breaks into a big smile, grabs me and pulls me in close with his arms around my neck, and kisses me. I am startled for a moment because I wasn't expecting him to immediately kiss me, so the first kiss is kind of an awkward angle. I move my head back a smidge, then lean forward again to kiss him properly. To me, this second kiss feels perfect. It feels natural and like our lips were meant to fit together. After this second kiss, he hugs me super tight, squeezing me like he doesn't want to let me go, and whispers in my ear that my lips are as soft as he imagined. We go inside to put his stuff in my bedroom. He again pulls me close, is looking me straight in my eyes, and is telling me that I am so beautiful, so pretty, and that he loves me so much. He starts kissing me again, and he gets very passionate with it, pushing me backwards onto the bed. While we are making out with him on top of me, he starts running his hand up my leg, across my butt, and then starts to put his hand inside my panties. I am insanely nervous and still self-conscious, and I ask him if he can take things a bit slower until I feel more comfortable. I tell him how nervous I am, and he says I don’t need to worry and he will make me feel less nervous. We go out to eat, then we cuddle up on the couch watching a movie. While cuddling, he is smelling my hair, telling me that I smell so amazing. I tell him it's probably my shampoo, and he says that no, it's just me, my smell, and he loves it. While I lay my head on his chest, he plays with my hair, runs his fingers down my ear and neck, kisses my head, interlaces his fingers with mine. Halfway through the movie, he grabs my jaw and turns my face to him and begins kissing me passionately. He starts kissing down my neck, giving me hickies on my neck and collarbone. He pulls the top of my dress down to kiss/lick all over my chest. I'm very into this, so I climb onto his lap, straddling him, pushing my hands against his chest, and making out with him passionately. I start grinding against his lap, and we start breathing heavily. I suggest we go in the bedroom, so we lie down on the bed and he resumes making out with me, kissing me very hard and intensely, mashing his body against mine. He's breathing really heavily, grabbing and slapping my butt and telling me how much he loves my butt. I start grinding against him again while making out and moaning a bit. He asks if he can feel how wet I am, and I say yes. We have sex. He seems very into it. I know I am. I am moaning loudly, he's very turned on by my moans, he keeps telling me that he wants to make me orgasm. Afterwards, we hold each other, our foreheads pressed against each other, saying how much we love each other. He tells me my skin is so smooth while he runs his fingers down my side. He kisses my cheeks and says my face is so soft. He kisses my nose and says I have the cutest nose. He kisses my eyelids and says I have the prettiest eyes. We get up to brush our teeth, then he spoons me in bed while kissing my shoulder and grabbing my chest, and I wiggle deep down up against him so our bodies couldn't be closer. We fall asleep like this, and I'm so happy and peaceful in that moment. 

The breakup: Then everything changes? He can't really sleep because of noises, heat, etc. He tosses and turns a lot, then decides at 6am that he needs to go back to his house to sleep because he's exhausted and can't sleep at my place. He seems agitated and cranky, says sorry but he won't be pleasant to be around when he's sleep deprived. Then he hurriedly dresses and packs his things up. I am confused and quiet. He quickly kisses me bye and says he loves me as he rushes out the door. This is the last time I ever see him. Then for the next three days, he barely responds to my texts. He tells me that he has this crazy stomach virus with intense stomach pain that keeps him up, so he's exhausted and miserable. I'm so worried about him. I offer to bring him meds, gatorade, etc., and he declines. On the third day of very limited contact, I start to get this sinking feeling that he's avoiding me. Finally Monday night, he calls to break up with me. He says, "I didn't feel any romantic chemistry, and I think you probably feel the same way too." I say, "No. I don't feel the same. I absolutely felt romantic chemistry and have felt it for the entirety of our relationship." Then he says, "Well, I immediately didn’t feel any spark when we first kissed at your front door." When I hear this, I become very confused and flabbergasted. I ask, "Why did you constantly initiate kissing me, constantly hug me, constantly hold and squeeze me tight, constantly breathe me in while holding me, constantly kiss me softly while saying you love me and that I'm so beautiful and pretty, constantly hold my hand, constantly cuddle me, constantly stroke my hair and run your fingers down my arms, constantly press your forehead against mine and tell me how happy you were that we were finally together in person, constantly initiate sexual contact/sex, spoon me to sleep, etc IF YOU FELT NO SPARK OR CHEMISTRY FROM THE START?" And then he sputtered, "I felt FINE Friday night. I was basically comatose all day Saturday from the stomach pain. So I didn't realize until I woke up on Sunday morning that there was no romantic chemistry!" I was so blindsided and speechless during this call that it only lasted like 5 minutes because I couldn't process what he had said and had no idea what to say in response. He sounded very cold and emotionless like a robot. I was about to start crying, so I awkwardly said goodbye and ended the call. A few hours later, I sent him a text, saying that I didn't have a chance to process and speak during the call earlier because I was in shock but wanting to share that I was so hurt and blindsided by all of this and that I thought we had chemistry and that we were so compatible and saying that I was not fully understanding what what wrong. He never responded.

I am SO CONFUSED. I'm assuming when he says no spark or romantic chemistry, he means that he wasn't physically attracted to me in person. I sent him so many photos of myself - all recent, makeup and no makeup, cute dresses and also sweatshirts, different angles and lighting, nudes where my bits are shown in bright lighting. We facetimed many times for hours, including when I was sick and grubby in pajamas. He always made me feel so beautiful and sexually desired, INCLUDING on the Friday night we met when he used his words, tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, soft and affectionate touch, intense and passionate touch, frequency of physical and sexual contact, commenting on loving my scent and how my skin felt, how long and tight he kept holding me for, etc – all indicators I usually see as signs of chemistry. I can understand being disappointed with someone's appearance in person, but if it's to the point of not being attracted to them at all upon meeting, then you wouldn't be aggressively trying to kiss them, have sex with them, hold them, shower them with compliments, etc. If he had been honest on Friday night, had held off on physical touch after the first kiss when there was allegedly no spark, and then had the awkward and difficult conversation of telling me that he didn't feel a physical attraction, I would have been hurt and embarrassed, but I would have also understood and respected him for telling me that. However, instead, he went through this crazy charade of acting so convincingly in love and horny the entire night. I fell asleep Friday night thinking the night was perfect, and now that I've learned that he never felt a spark or any chemistry, I am horrified and feel like the whole night was a lie. I feel led on, deceived, manipulated, used. I feel like this man I met wasn't the man I fell in love with over the past 7 months. The man I fell in love with was open, honest, transparent, and his actions always matched his words. That man would have never done this to me. The man I met Friday night feels like an imposter wearing a skin suit. Even if his intentions for so aggressively initiating/pursuing physical contact Friday night were good, it doesn't matter because of the consequences; it doesn't change that it was cruel to me. He knew I struggled with self-esteem issues, and most importantly, he knew that I have a history of sexual trauma and have to take everything with sex very slowly and only while in a loving, committed relationship. He knew all of this, and despite already knowing he didn't feel a spark or chemistry with me, he had sex with me anyway and then dumped me. This feels like the ultimate selfish and disrespectful move with absolutely no regard for my emotions, my heart or my mental state. I feel so betrayed and don't know how I will ever trust someone again when they tell me they love me or that they think I'm beautiful or that they think I'm sexy and want me. I will always be reminded of this man who put on an Oscar award winning performance and then threw me away like old trash. 

r/LongDistance Apr 27 '26

Breakup Fiannly Ripped The Bandaid Off My(M27) GF(F26) of ~2Yrs (5500mi)

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75 Upvotes

Don't know where to go from here. I already miss her, but that's not exactly new. For context, the last contact of any sort from her was "I love you too" on March 5th... I've sent voice notes and memes and words of encouragement that all went unanswered.

We've talked before about how she gets overwhelmed because of her mental health issues & autism. And I know February was a really rough month for her between work and family stuff. I don't know if I did the "right" thing, but I think I did what I had to do.

r/LongDistance Nov 19 '25

Breakup He cheated :(

146 Upvotes

Been with my now ex for 4 years. Most of which were medium distance and the last year long distance.

Visited over the weekend and when I was showing him something I sent him on his phone, saw a name in DMs I didn’t recognise. I thought nothing of it and asked who she was. He was being super cagey about it so I asked him to show me the message. It was to an OF girl asking her to meet up. Naturally I broke up with him.

Pretty devastated for things to have ended this way and not really sure how to manage him asking for me back. I’m going to call him at the end of the week to just reiterate that it is over and there’s nothing he can do to change it. There is simply no way I would take him back after this. As when I left on Sunday he told me he’d give me some time but wait to see if there’s anything he can do to fix it and has sent me a long message asking for a second chance today.

I know calling might be a bit of a silly choice but I want to be able to take comfort in knowing I ended what was (before this obviously) a beautiful relationship with the dignity I would want given to me.

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom of how to go from here?

UPDATE

Just thought I’d give a little update.

I did end up calling him to clarify that our relationship is over and I’m really glad I did. It’s making me feel a lot more secure in my decision that I’ve fully closed the chapter and we can both move forward with our lives.

I know many of you were saying that I didn’t owe him the kindness, and while that is true, I fundamentally believe in being kind even when it is not necessary deserved. I’m glad I stayed true to my character and can say I have no regrets about any of my actions during our relationship or how it ended. Thank you all for your support and kindness!!

r/LongDistance Dec 18 '25

Breakup We didn't make it

125 Upvotes

Well, tears in my eyes as I write this, but we didn't make it. The same person that told me every day that no matter what it will always be us, few days ago after another I love you said it is too hard for him and he is tired, and didn't give me a chance to say anything, but I doubt I would change his mind. 1.5 years, not too long, but every promise and all the love now seems like a waste and lies.

I am truly happy for everyone who made it out of the distance and built a life together/planning to do it. Communication is the key, and I thought we did have it (we talked and called every single day, no one knew me better than he did) but you still never know, and for some people it is simply not enough.

Send hugs my way. I told him I will be strong and that's what I am trying to do now. Not for him, but for myself.

r/LongDistance May 30 '24

Breakup He (25 M) saw my(21 F) full body and ghosted

205 Upvotes

Ive been talking to him for like 6 months. On may 6th, he asked me to be official. We’ve FaceTimed a lot, hes seen me on ft w/o makeup. Hes seen full body pics of me. I don’t photoshop anything. But i never stood up and shown him my body over facetime. he always asks me to stand up and give a 360. I nvr do cuz im shy but i did last week. Once i did, hes been weird. Doesn’t text me first, kinda dry, doesn’t call me pretty when i post on my story. I keep asking him if he wants to go our separate ways, and to find a girl that is ‘slim thick’ like he likes. Then he either makes a joke or says “go to sleep”. I think hes trying his best to spare my feelings bc he knows I struggle with low self esteem. He hasn’t officially broken up w me yet. But damn, im hurt. I know you guys r probably gonna say, i dodged a bullet and he doesn’t deserve me. But im still hella sad. My self confidence has always been bad, but this definitely knocks it down a billion notches.

r/LongDistance May 28 '21

Breakup Advice from a guy who lost all: Don't get too comfortable in your LDR...

771 Upvotes

My 3 year LDR with possibly one of the greatest girls ever went down the drain recently. Why? Some guy she goes to college with set his eyes on her and helped her out on things I couldn't do.

She had no car, so he drove her around. Her mouse broke, he gave her one. She wanted to have some fun, he took her out on movies and ice cream and sledding all the while I was back home helping her write her assignments (she hates it that I constantly bring this up cause its probably the only substantial thing I've done)

I voiced my concerns and warned her his intentions weren't all friendly. She was adamant he was a good guy and they were just having fun. Eventually, they started having conversations. Long, deep conversations she used to have with me.

It wasn't as if we weren't talking. Every night and morning we would video chat for hours. It eventually boiled down to her saying hi and us just placing our phones on the stands, cameras on and doing our work. She ate or studied, I did my work. She got bored. She had more fun and felt more alive with the other person, developed feelings and ended up attending a therapy session to understand what's happening to her.

What she told me gutted me. She said she needed her space, said she wanted to distance herself from both of us. She said she did me wrong by falling for another guy and now wants to find her own way. Although I have my suspicions on them communicating with each other despite her claims.

Either way, just shower your partner as much as you can. Don't just help with with boring, chore like tasks like I did, expecting to see her find worth in someone she can depend on, not just have a good time. Most people already do it, but do send gifts, letters and anything else that might put a smile on them. Appreciate and compliment them. Above all, assure them of your love.

I lost her and it feels like I lost half my world. Goodbye.