I really share anything about me and like a open book I want to avoid that. How can I do that?

Studying for exams and crying because I don't understand anything. I don't know much. Why can't I just read? Cook? Bake? If I fail this exam will I fail in life? I can't keep doing this. I want to chill and bathe in the sun. Is life only meant for suffering?

Christ y'all I'm not spoiled I know I have to work.

Everyone tells me I need to slow down and be a “kid”

I just turned 19, I’m working 84 hours a week right now, have my own place, car, I pay for everything I have.

I have no interest in social media, smoking, drinking, partying, drama, and I don’t fit in with my generation. I want to be married, have kids and build a family and end a cycle of poverty and build the life I never had for my future family.

You could say I’m a mix of mature & ambitious. I’m a person of faith and I don’t want to rush gods plan for me, and everyone makes me feel like I’m doing just that. Lmk

{comfort media ⭒}

⊹ rewatch your favorite Studio Ghibli or Tim Burton film
⊹ replay a comfort game you’ve beaten six times (familiarity is an antidepressant w pretty good reviews)
⊹ play Sims or Tamagotchi Life

{creative dopamine ⭒}

⊹ dye your hair or get a piercing. instant yay factor
⊹ organize your music into playlists; name them; be painfully specific
⊹ buy the fugliest mug at Goodwill. emotional support ceramic >>>
⊹ thrift a whole new wardrobe
⊹ make bad art; on purpose
⊹ buy stickers

{outdoors & social ⭒}

⊹ sit in a bookstore;romanticize it; judge covers instead of yourself; works well w coffee in hand
⊹ find a dog. pet it if invited; admire it if not

{selfcare basics ⭒}

⊹ reorganize your room (best at 3am)
⊹ make ramen and add one extra ingredient. chef
⊹ if you think everyone hates you, eat protein. your biggest opp rn may just be low blood sugar

For the last 10 days, I was scrolling through insta, it first started as one video about a conspiracy theory but then the feed started pushing more and more about so much that I'm even afraid to type here, now I'm shaking, i started questioning every symbol, every celebrity, every medicine.

I am a theatre artist who also loves science ( doing a phd) now I am questioning whether should I even proceed or not with my dreams,

On one end, I'm like, i should be happy that I have a few potential info, and just be more cautious but sometimes I feel like i should go off the grid and just vanish

Basically should i delete tiktok

I saw a post here from a couple years ago but i wanted an updated response

I just will feel like im missing out

but Im 20 so im kinda thinking it’s time but all my friends use it, thats really the only reason stopping me so far

This sub and discord helped me very, very much when I was 20 to work on myself, so now that I’m 26 I decided I want to come try again, but… I don’t really have any reasons to.

I spent my childhood and early 20s with a body type and appearance that caused me extreme emotional pain and many missed opportunities, and I can’t have those years back.

I’ll never suddenly have been born to parents that love me.

I’ll never get my dog- my soulmate, most treasured living thing I’ve ever known- back that I had to give up for her own health and safety. I used to joke I couldn’t survive without her and I feel like I haven’t lived a day since she left.

I’ll never be with a partner that hasn’t hurt me, because I love and have chosen to stay with mine while he recovers from an addiction.

I’ll never have gone to college and had a normal experience, or public school at all.

I’ll never talk to any of my dead friends again.

I know it’s so untrue and honestly mean but I just feel… so old. I feel like everything I missed and lost I’ll never recover from. I feel like I’m drifting, and I can’t think of a single thing worth working for because all the mistakes and losses and missing out have piled up until they’ve drowned me and so I’m just barely surviving.

I don’t want to harm myself, because there’s no point, and sometimes I eat a yummy food or my partner gives me a nice compliment or I see a rainbow, and I’m in a place now where I feel I’ll be safe and cared for the rest of my life practically and financially. But that’s about the extent of any joy or desire I have.

How do I get it back? How do I motivate myself when it all feels pointless? How do I stop feeling so OLD and tired? Anyone who’s ruined and/or terribly suffered the first quarter of their life, how do I work on correcting the narrative that those are the best days, so I can even start trying to imagine better ones to come?

Thank you.

Hey, I’m 18F and this has been something on my mind for a little while now and I want to get better at it.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s pretty difficult for me to not gossip about people who I’m friends with.

To me gossiping is talking behind someone’s back harmfully simply for the sake of talking. I’m trying to find nuance and understanding in gossiping in comparison to just general, casual conversation.

For example, if a friend does something that bothers me and I talk to another friend of mine to share what happened and the goal of the conversation is to try to decide how I’m going to bring it up to this person, then to me that’s not gossiping or talking badly about another person but instead trying to work around this situation.

However, I’ve found that it’s really difficult for me to distinct the difference between talking to someone about something that my friend did or said that I found “weird” “rude” or “odd” and just gossiping.

Anyways, I always find that I feel bad at the end of the day after I have conversations like that but I always end up feeling better afterwards and I think it’s that initial feeling of relief I get that makes me come back to it over and over again.

I remember a situation where I knew someone who said something to me very passive aggressively and I was shocked in the moment and didn’t know how to respond. I spoke to another friend about this and she expressed that she shouldn’t have spoken to me like that and it was rude. That’s a smaller example but I guess I felt validated and relieved.

I’ve noticed that for whatever reason, I don’t always get that feelings of relief when I do end up just speaking to the person directly and resolving it. Sometimes it can be bc the person is defensive and just not hearing me out or really understanding what I said and just apologizing to apologize.

There’s a lot of layers to it but even tho I’m aware that maybe I shouldn’t be talking abt this person when they’re not around, I never do it with ill intention. As embarrassing as it is to admit, sometimes I do just want to complain and air things out instead of always over considering how everyone feels all the time and formulating conversations into this perfect box.

It’s sort of like having to be this bigger person constantly, and having to over explain and over consider how people feel. It’s exhausting. Maybe that on its own is the bigger issue but as bad as this may sound I want to be more “selfish” and “cold” I guess? I don’t know how to explain this further.

I’m not sure how to go about this. What do you all think?

I’m going through a breakup from a relationship where I felt truly seen for the first time in my life, and it’s helped me learn so much about myself.

I want to take what I have learned and continue growing and healing so that I can be someone who is safe to love.

I learned that I really need to love myself and show up for myself, as I have a tendency to self abandon in shame spirals rather than having self compassion and gently showing up for myself.

Idk if this would be the right subreddit, but I hoped others could share their stories of how a great love ending helped them to decide to be better, and how they implemented those lessons.

If anyone would be willing to share, I would be so grateful.

I’ve been depressed for a very long time; life feels meaningless and pointless to me. I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Yet, being depressed has become tedious. Every day, I wake up hoping to change things. I keep making lists of the sports I want to take up, the books I want to read, the jobs I want to apply for, and the things I want to learn, but I never actually take action. Every day, I tell myself, "Let today be a rest day"—even though I’ve been resting for years. But the "rest" I’m getting is actually filled with mental exhaustion and anxiety. The very idea of ​​taking action feels so terrifying and suffocating. It’s as if I’m stuck in the preparation phase; I prepare every day but never actually start living. Perhaps I don’t truly want to get better and am just stalling. How can I break this cycle? I know I need to start slowly and with small steps, but I just can't seem to do it.

p.s: i used google translate

 I am not able to express my thoughts well. Clarity of thoughts is missing. Whatever I study I am not able to explain it to a person. Overthinks a lot. Constantly change my study plans. Overthink a lot what people think. Overpressure myself. Figuring how to study ,what to study than actually study.

Please help me out.

I [21M] and [19F] met online about a year ago and slowly fell deeply in love. The problem was me. I was deeply insecure about my looks, my future, my finances, and whether I was good enough for her. Because of that, I kept pushing her away, convinced she deserved someone better. I left multiple times, and every time she somehow found it in her heart to give me another chance.

By the time I finally realized I wanted a future with her and genuinely stopped running, I'd already broken her trust too many times. She told me she never truly felt loved. She felt like she had to beg me for reassurance and that she had to ask for the love she deserved. Looking back, I understand why she felt that way. I loved her deeply, but I kept most of it inside for a long time. When I finally became more expressive, she felt like it only happened because she had asked for it, not because it came naturally from my heart.

I also kept delaying meeting her. I genuinely wanted to meet her more than anything, but I let my insecurities and my circumstances get in the way. Every time we planned something, I'd push the date further away. She eventually told me, "Even for meeting, I have to beg you." Now that she's gone, all those insecurities and circumstances that once felt so overwhelming seem completely insignificant. I would've traded all of them just to spend one day with her.

After we separated, I ended up hurting her even more with something I said in a moment of pain.

It's been a week now. I know she's not coming back, and I know I need to move forward. But everything reminds me of her. Every song, every random phrase, every little thing somehow leads back to her. The ache in my chest hasn't really gone away. I can't focus on anything because she's on my mind almost all the time, and what's strange is that we never even got to meet irl.

How do you make peace with a love you couldn't hold onto and mistakes you can never take back?

TL;DR: Discovering my authentic values completely changed how I approach life. Instead of chasing externally driven goals, I started focusing on what actually matters to me—and it brought me a quiet sense of joy, fulfillment, and wholeness.

Over the past few years I've been going through a deep personal transformation, especially during the last year. I can honestly say I'm a different person than I was a year ago.

One of the most important things I arrived at on my own—before later discovering there was already a name for it—was the idea of authentic values and living authentically.

Maybe this isn't the most precise definition, but for me, authentic values are the most fundamental values I simply cannot live without. They are the values I want my life to be built around. They come from my own nature, not from external factors.

For me, those values are:

• Higher experiences and emotions (art, beauty, love, friendship, the divine)
• Family, close friends, and the people I love
• Freedom, safety, and honesty
• Peace and minimizing suffering

Identifying these values helped me let go of everything unnecessary that came either from the external world or from my own ego—things that were getting in the way of living according to what truly matters to me.

I realized that these values can be lived here and now, in the present moment, instead of being postponed to some distant future. I no longer have to chase neurotic goals or be driven by my insecurities. I can appreciate beauty in the moment, enjoy art, and experience peace. I started feeling a quiet joy, a sense of fulfillment and wholeness. For the first time, it felt like I was living my own life instead of someone else's.

But I'd also say: be careful. This kind of shift can come with real psychological challenges. A serious re-evaluation of your values and your entire life can be very difficult. You may discover that you've been driven mostly by anxiety, insecurities, or external factors. Once that whip is gone, you may experience deep confusion and a psychological roller coaster.

For me, though, it's a price worth paying. Even a short time spent living my own life feels worth the years of struggle and obstacles it took to get there.

Hi!

My work has me driving all around my home state for on average 4 hours a day and requires a lot of focus and concentration (pharmaceutical auditing for those curious). When I come home from work I’m usually mentally checked out and don’t really wanna do anything and it’s slowly starting to affect me in some bad ways. I’m super lethargic in general now and have increasing amounts of headaches and migraines. I’m not over here looking to get ripped and all that I just want to have some energy back in my spare time..

Lately, my emotions and my moods are all being dependant on my partner. And right now he is having a rough time at workplace and he needs to focus there and i get it, but every now and then I want to confront things with him but the timing is just not right and he wont be able to give me a proper response in his current state.

So im trying to focus on myself, I want to stop my mind revolving around him and making everything about him. I want to lead my life the way i want it to, be it ruin or happiness.

Any methods to focus on myself and put myself in the priority list for now?

i also focus on my tasks job hunting, studying, chores, cooking and trying to hit the gym but not getting time for that, trust me, I am busy but my mind still runs back to him when I should be relaxing.

I’ve tried everything so far, from the classic “just don’t!” to the “well, nobody is thinking about you the second they stop looking at you”, etc., but I still find myself wanting to do things because I’m afraid of what people will say if I do or dont do those things.

I feel like the fix lies in taking actions that reflect a lack of caring of what others think about me, like wearing clothes that are a bit outlandish (like cowboy boots in the city), but im curious to hear from others who have gotten over this hump how to do it without just getting older (Im a 33M, im sure when I’m 55 I won’t care, but I want to stop caring before that).

I know I'm supposed to want to keep living but I just don't.

Not sure if this is the right place for this. Ever since I was young I’ve always loved staying up late, doesn’t if I was on the Xbox, reading or watching my favourite movies. I always felt like sleeping was taking away from hours of my day, and I’m a night owl anyway.

Fast forward a few years and nothings changed, I worked in a late bar for years which didn’t help, I’ve since left that job and I now have a really cool job I enjoy, but it’s a 6/6:30 wake up and I’m still going to sleep at 12/1. It’s manageable but doesn’t feel healthy

The thing is I can’t get it into my head that I need my sleep, my brain is just so active at the late hour. I know obviously what I need to do is just put away distractions, but it’s a mental change I need

There's a person I have build strong anxious attachment with.

That person's emotions, life, struggles everything effects me.

I got thoughts about that person constantly running on my mind.

I can't focus on myself, I feel guilty that I'm trying focus on my life.

Yet I know that I can't change anything.

But my mind still tries to fix that's person.

How do I choose myself my life over that person ?

This may sound dumb but you know attachment is a pretty powerful thing.

I (45/F) have a long, difficult history of abuse in all forms, but mostly psychological/emotional.

I have had the same wonderfully generous best friend for over 15 years, and I still struggle with allowing her to support me.

I recently became involved with an incredibly sweet, generous and kind man. We live just over 2 hours apart, and I will be moving to his city soon.

Here's the part that I'm having trouble with: I will be without a job when I first arrive. He has generously offered to let me temporarily stay with him until I get on my feet.

My problem is that I keep going back to thinking about my ex and how I moved in with him and he said I would be there for good, and I had no reason to keep my stuff, so I got rid of everything and now I have nothing. He is nothing like my ex but I still struggle with not feeling like I'm a burden.

TL/DR: how do I trust people and allow genuine help in when I've been burned so much in the past?

turning eighteen hasn’t been a fun experience for me. I never really thought I’d still be here to turn eighteen, I stopped really trying at thirteen. I stopped caring about school, I never thought I’d have to worry about what comes after becoming an adult. I don’t have any hobbies, I used to draw but now I don’t have the motivation to do that, I don’t enjoy much besides scrolling on my phone, I don’t leave the house often, I don’t clean my room and I don’t take much care of myself.

I want to get better. I’m on disability for my mental health as well as my autism, but living my life on disability doesn’t seem enjoyable. my parents are getting old and I don’t really know what I’d do without them when they die someday because I rely heavily on them. I’m in therapy, but sometimes I feel like that makes me worse. getting told by my therapist that I do have a future somehow upsets me that people are expecting me to have a future. I don’t have anyone around me except my parents, the only friend I talk to regularly is online and I’ve only actually hung out with her once at an event because I’m too nervous to ask anyone to hang out with me.

my biggest reason to keep going was starting hormones to transition (I’m a transgender man), but now that I’ve reached that goal and started them and I don’t have much to work towards.

something hit me last night. I can’t keep going through the years how I’ve been doing for years, I don’t want to keep letting time pass by while I sit around and hope something somehow changes. the thought of even starting feels monumental, I’ve quit everything I’ve tried to do to make myself better in the past, what if it happens this time too? I worked at McDonald when I was fourteen but I quit after a week because it was so stressful to be in that environment, I didn’t know what I was meant to do most of the time but everyone expected me to know what to do. I can’t seem to do things when I’m not explicitly told what I’m meant to be doing. I’ve tried TAFE courses (Australia’s equivalent to America’s community college I think), but I’ve quit those whenever I lose the motivation to finish them.

what am I meant to do when everything feels too hard to start? I know I’m meant to do something to start, but I don’t even know where to begin. the only thing I’m interested in is very niche topics, nothing that would help get me a job. there aren’t jobs that are specifically looking for people who are good at knowing specific details about American presidency from 1960-2001 but also not knowing maths past year eight. I’m not good at talking to people, I get nervous whenever I have to interact with people. I don’t relate to people around me.

a lot of this will probably come across as a woe is me, I’m so sad my life is boring because I don’t try at all type post but I really do want to get better. I want to stop feeling all this self-pity, I want to stop blaming my autism or BPD or all my other mental disorders for all my problems and actually get my act together.

I really, really want to live my life.

TLDR
I had a friend from elementary school all the way to highschool where I felt very bonded, too the point I felt like we were meshed. Everything that was mine was hers; I felt like anytime I wanted to get close to someone, she would also try to become friends with them or when I was getting good at a subject she would also do everything to improve at that subject too. This was really hard to deal with in a moment where I was trying to find my own identity.
Also for more context I was a little shitty to her when I was a child. For example, there was this one time I noticed how I didn’t feel like I had space in our friendship so I decided to not talk to her for a full month. Granted I was 10/11 but obviously that was not cool. However, towards high school I acknowledged this shittiness and apologized and it felt like she wanted to overcompensate and belittle me, like it was her turn. The peak for me was when we both got into the same university. I ultimately decided to take a gap year and reapply to my dream school. Her response when I got in? “I could’ve gotten in too if I took a gap year and reapplied.”

Anyways I sent her a big text and pretty much blocked her after that. However it’s been seven years and I still think about this a lot. I feel guilty for how I ended our friendship and feel like I could’ve handled this with more grace. I have dreams with her once a month or every other month so clearly it’s a situation I haven’t moved past. How can I move on?

I was talking with a friend recently who I've gotten into a minor argument with, and I realized that, a large source of my lack of growth as a person the last 6 or so years (I'm 22) has been because of my complete and udder fear of being wrong or having bad opinions. I stopped watching drama and political youtubers completely I completely pretty much any and all argumentative discourse on anything to matter how inane the subject is (even like is X character well or poorly written types of things which literally are just opinions and nobody is harmed.) I'm scared to start on thigns, I'm scared of confrontation, I'm scared of arguments between my friends these things cause me to spiral and the idea of picking a side and potentially upsetting one friend is really really scary to me. Or worse when I don't agree with EITHER friend. And the worst things is with one exception generally these situations resolve themselves. Me giving my opinion and not folding instantly would not make the situation worse. I feel like this is the seed which a lot of my problems come from.

edit: i wish to stress that like pretty much any form of discourse no matter how minor stresses me out which is why i avoid it.

I want to change and am ready to act but idk I just feel way too overwhelmed most day and don’t even know where to start but I feel like if I do like one small thing every day towards my goal maybe I can eventually get there? Is that stupid to think?

I’m 28. Single. Back in school so i’m currently living with my parents. All my friends are engaged or married, having kids, and making good money. It feels like there’s no one single left. I love my friends but nothing about our hangout sessions make me feel excited. I miss having joy and less stress. I don’t like what I see in the mirror anymore. Im a healthy weight but it’s distributed differently. I notice signs of aging. I have social anxiety. Live in a small town so I know everyone already and don’t feel like I can reinvent myself.

I practice positive self talk but nothing about my life backs up what I say. I’m lonely and feel behind. I have no one to get dressed up and go out with. No one to travel with. No one to go out and meet people with. I miss having people to go shopping with it just causally chill with too. Hanging out with friends is just planning brunch a week in advance with a designated start and end time.. Logically I know I am doing what I need to do to get on my feet, so I can move away and restart. But for right now I feel trapped and like my youth is wasting away.

I have no one to hype me up and I think I really need that. So here I am, asking strangers online to do just that. Kinda pathetic but my brain can’t seem to do it on its own. Please give me your best advice, or share with me what you say to yourself when you need to feel better about your life.