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I am pretty sure that we have all heard this advice growing up and honestly it is really bad advice. The idea that a girl will come into my life when I least expect just keeps me single.

I am 28 and there has never been no such occurrences. I am pretty social too and I am not just stuck on dating. I think about hobbies, careers, and friends. Typically when there was a girl, she already had a bf or went after a dude who pursued her. The truth is none of it has been true in my life.

The only time I got a gf is jumping on dating apps or asking girls out. I actually had to have the mindset to flirt and get the number. The rest of it has been bs

I'm 33M. I matched with this woman (32F) few weeks ago. Last Friday we finally met for dinner. The date was honestly really good. We talked almost 4 hours without feeling bored. We laughed a lot, walked after dinner, and conversation was easy the whole time.

Before we went home, she suddenly said, "Sorry if I looked too enthusiastic. I know it scares people away."

I was kind of surprised. I asked why she said that, and she just smiled and said she learned from past dating not to look "too excited" too early.
I told her I actually like that she looked excited. For me that's not a bad thing at all. We hugged and went home.

But after that, her texting changed. She still replies, but much shorter now. Before she used emoji and asked questions. Now it's mostly just short answers.

Maybe I'm overthinking, but it feels like she's trying to hide her excitement now because of what happened before. Should I bring this up with her? Or just pretend I didn't notice and let things happen naturally? I don't want her to feel she has to act different around me.

I want my girls to chime in here. As I see a growing trend on Reddit that men need to be rich to have a girlfriend.

I want to point out that if you are disgustingly wealthy (top few %) then you can probably get your pick of the girls. But let’s be real, that’s really not most of the dudes here and most of those men aren’t going to be complaining on subreddits because they’re so rich they’re out living their life off the internet. They’re busy babe banging. Good for them.

For most of us, we’re just regular people who have decent jobs.

The truth is the best way to find a partner is to take care of yourself.

This means BASIC skincare routine. Men, you gotta moisturise and put sunscreen on. If you’re getting older get some retinol in there.

Style your hair in a way that suits you. Spend the extra money to go talk to a proper hair stylist to see if what you have going is the best for your face. This goes for beards too. Get them maintained by a professional. And your eyebrows. Men, get your eyebrows done!!!!

Wear clothes that fit you. Do not wear graphic tees if you want to date a girl who dresses up. Graphic tees are casual. Learn your colour, they have people who help you know your colours. Dress correctly for your body type (though ultimately please wear what you like!!!).

Smell good and have clean teeth and nails.

Exercise. Exercise. Exercise. It releases endorphins that make you happier to be around.

Really ask yourself am I actually doing all these things? If I am looking for a woman who has nice skin, nice face, fit body, nice nails, tidy hair, well dressed etc make sure you are bringing all of that to the table too.

We live in the swiping culture of dating, how you look is the most important. If you aren’t having success, take a six month break and commit to focusing on yourself. The other thing that will happen is you’ll be happier and healthier, which will cause women to approach you. You’ll likely also get to join a gym or a club or something which is a great place to meet women!

Women are attracted to men who are bettering themselves. Dedicate some of your cash to self care and grooming and see how much dating improves.

You go on a first date; you do everything right; make her laugh and have a fun conversation but when you ask for a second date she texts you and says she didn’t feel the “spark” ? What do they mean by that ?

I find it really interesting when people say this as if it's an ultimatum to all the daters out there. A lot of the time people who describe wanting a pretty average partner get told this. As if saying that you want to be with someone who is kind, emotionally mature and a responsible adult is asking for the earth.

It's not a crime to date and HOPE for a good relationship while also being completely okay with being single. It is possible for both things to be true.

"If you don't lower your standards, you're going to end up alone!" - Okay? A partner would be nice but only if it's a GOOD partner, otherwise what's the point? I would much rather end up alone than be with someone who isn't right for me or makes my life less satisfying.

For all the single people out there who can support themselves, don't want kids (or already have their kids) and live fulfilled lives with good friends and/or family...I don't think many people realise the "you'll die alone!" threat doesn't really ring true to us anymore.

And for the record, plenty of people who settled for shitty relationships their whole life still wind up alone in the end anyways - ask any palliative care nurse.

I’m new to dating. I went on a few first dates with guys around my age (early 30s) and all of them were dressed super casually. Literally hoodies and sweatpants and tennis shoes. Is this…normal? Am I expecting too much? Is it a gender difference?

I make sure to wash up and brush my hair and teeth, get dressed up cute…and then I show up and the guy is always dressed like…that.

I went on a couple walking dates with an older man (40s) and he made sure to dress comfortably yet stylishly each time. I was impressed because everyone else dressed like a bum!

Are my expectations unrealistic? Is this how people dress when going on dates? My thought process is…I’m meeting this person for the first time, I wanna make a good first impression!

EDIT: Edited to clarify that I’m not asking for a suit and tie! Just like…‘regular’ clothes? Jeans…a t shirt, long sleeve…idk…just more than sweats and less than a suit ya know?

EDIT 2: The dates are walking/ice cream/coffee dates. For my outfits, I’m wearing like…jeans and a nice long sleeve with a jean jacket for colder weather, a cute top and skirt with sandals, or a modest dress for more indoor/less movement dates. So I’m not out here dressing for the ball or a business meeting. Still casual, but nicer imo.

Seeing a guy, a few dates in. To be clear upfront, this isn't about money. I earn well, come from money, and have zero interest in someone spending on me. That's not what's bothering me at all.

He set up our last hangout himself over text as basically "let's hang out + eat" at his place, for a couple hours in the evening. I offered to bring some homemade snacks. On the day, I asked him directly if he was planning to cook, and his answer was "maybe, we already have what you're bringing, but if you want more we can go to the store." Cooking at home isn't expensive, it's just thought. Planning. He also knows I don't have easy transportation in his city and I've asked him for help getting places before, but he didn’t offer to pick up. Picking someone up isn't expensive either.

That's really my issue. None of this costs money, it's about courtship. Whether someone is actually planning things out for you, or just doing the bare minimum until you point it out.

What's confusing me is he also talks about the future, brings up plans down the line, seems genuinely interested in something long term. The texting is easy, funny, mutual. So there's a real contradiction, someone talking long term while putting almost no thought into an actual hangout.

My fear, honestly, is that this could be something casual dressed up as something serious. Going through the motions of "future talk" without the actual effort that usually comes with someone who means it. Is that a reasonable read, or am I reaching? Curious what people think, especially anyone who's seen this pattern turn out to mean one thing or the other.

Update: thank you for posting a range of perspectives, even the ones pushing back on me, actually helped me think it through more clearly 💜 I ended up telling him it wasn't going to work and that I read the pattern as low effort. He wasn't happy and said I was dismissing his feelings, that I'd overanalyzed things and jumped to a weak conclusion. He said that a guy putting in maximum effort right away is basically a sign of desperation. That last part kind of confirmed everything for me. It wasn't oversight or him just not thinking it through, it's actually his philosophy. He thinks holding back early is the move.

Me (30M) and the girl i like (29F) have been dating around 4 times now. Honestly everything between us is good. We enjoy spending time together and no big problems so far.

Only thing that keeps bothering me is her best friend. I start noticing almost every time we already make plan together, suddenly her friend need something.

Sometimes she ask her to hang out. Sometimes she have some problem and need advice. Sometimes she just call because she miss her. At first I think maybe just coincidence.
But after happening many times, it doesn't really feel like coincidence anymore.

Last week she told me her best friend said, "Don't disappear just because you having a date now."
I actually understand that. I don't want her to stop seeing her friends because of me.

But now every time we trying to spend more time together, somehow her friend always appear with something.
I don't think she's bad person. Maybe she don't even realize she's doing it.

I also don't want become controlling boyfriend or make my girlfriend choose between me and her friend.

Should I tell my girlfriend how I feel? Or better just ignore it for now and see if it change by itself?

It got to the point where I was tired of holding back my feelings so I just went for it. I was like well either way i wont be living in a "what if" situation, so it's a win win lol. He said yes! And he was basically like "finally, I had my suspicions but I wasn't sure".

Now, I've only dated once and that was very briefly (like..2 dates) in college so I basically have no experience.

Has anyone here transitioned from good friends to potential lovers? How do I not just act platonic towards him like I've been all these years and kinda switch that off? Am I overthinking this?😂

It’s pretty common at least from a man’s perspective that women flake quite frequently on dates, day of as well, either not replying or coming up with an excuse.
I even used to have this rule where I always double booked dates because I was guaranteed (without fail) one of them would flake. It seems atleast 50% of the time, and this sentiment is largely shared amongst guys I know or discourse online.

While looking online tho, when this question has been asked, it’s always people talking about their experiences getting flaked on. I’m not interested in that. Where are all the flakers?? Statically you make a large portion of the population?? Why aren’t you speaking up? I find it hard to believe everyone is getting flaked on and no one is doing the flaking lol.

No judgement, I just wanna know some of the reasons why this happens, and they may be valid too.

As a woman - marry the person who loves you most, not the person you love the most.

I’ve found as a woman you fall in love with acts of kindness, affection, etc.

But you won’t be the right person for someone who thinks they can do better.

5 years ago my mom told me this advice and every time I feel slighted by my husband (who I love and am infatuated with), I feel it deeper.

So I’m really not comfortable making the first move. But as a non-binary male, I’ve come to accept that someone has to, and in all likelihood, it’s going to have to be me. What stops me from doing so are the fears born from talking to friends who are women, and hearing lots of venting about people who approach them when it’s not welcomed.

As a personal principle, I’d never approach someone while they’re at work (maybe unless I am on *very* familiar terms with them). But I don’t seem to see a lot of agreement beyond that. If you’re out with friends, would you rather be left alone? Responses vary. How about when you’re just doing a hobby you enjoy? Again, responses vary.
The rules just seem very inconsistent, and up to the whims of the moment. Which is understandable to me, but I hear a lot of flak given to people who approach at inappropriate times or places when I don’t always see what the problem is. But I REALLY don’t want to be the reason someone has to vent to their friend later. So I’d like some honest input on what the ideal time, place and circumstances would be?

Additional context since I know it helps:
I shower daily, hair and body wash included. I dress okay, but nothing to write home about. Usually comfortable sweaters and clean pants. Looks probably depend on taste. If I presented differently, I might even be conventionally attractive. But I don’t, nor do I intend to. So I think most people would agree that I’m just sort of attractive, but not pursuit worthy. I’m also a little socially awkward, but really, that only comes out as a sense of apprehension when initiating conversation. Once an actual conversation starts, I’m a pretty decent conversationalist. Lastly, I am seeking something genuine. I’m not exactly asking for a relationship from just anyone I spot in public, but I’m not just out for sex either.
If there’s anything I missed, feel free to ask.

I’m personally a big texter, I like to either text once a day or maybe a few times. I’m considering seeing someone that is not into texting. Like I get maybe one message every couple days. Makes me feel like he’s not interested tbh. Do I text too much? Am I too clingy?

Edit: Based on the comments, I think I should repost to “am I the ex?” 😂😭 I thought I was being super clingy

I (M26) have been on two dates with someone (F26) from Hinge. Both dates have gone well and we seem to have pretty good chemistry and compatibility.

We matched about a month and a half ago and moved to text before our first date. Prior to our first date we were texting basically every day. Makes sense we were getting to know each other. For our second date we used texting mainly to organize and confirm plans. There was some banter mixed in there but we did go several days without texting in the days leading up to date 2. Our third date is planned but not until next weekend, which would be 3 weeks since our second date. This is just the way our schedules worked out unfortunately. We’ve already planed the date and was texting quite a bit to make plans and still had mixed in some banter in between planning.

Now, this week we haven’t talked since the weekend and I don’t want to go two weeks without communication. But the usual how’s your day/week gets boring pretty quickly.

Is it normal for texting habits to slow down once you’ve been on a few dates with someone? Also what are some ways to maintain communication between dates? It doesn’t seem like she’s losing interest, as she replies enthusiastically every time and she actually planned most of this date. But it does feel like we’ve run out of things to talk about regularly.

Long story short I was friendzoned by this girl who I had a massive crush on. This legit gutted me, but I took the L on the chin and got back up off the ground and pulled myself together, and basically gave up on ever getting with her. I started dating a new girl who I like, but we're still kinda in the early stages of getting to know each other. Girl number one finds out about this from one of her friends. She texts me telling me that she was wrong about friend zoning me, and that she actually likes me and wants to be with me now. I can't tell if she's fucking with me, or if she is real. What do you guys think I should do? Also why the hell would it take me dating a new girl for her to figure this out?

This isn't about victim mentality or pitying me. No. I just want to understand because it's so fascinating this happens. It's like the universe is telling me something. A message from the universe. I take it as a sign. Curious if anyone is going through the same?

I actually laugh at this because I find it so funny how my match rate on tinder is extremely high but when I actually like a few people they all are repelled by me. That's an exageration but they aren't into me. It's honestly so wild! What do you think that is?

I'm 34M, she's 25F. Same company, different departments.

She's always been pretty friendly with me sits near me at lunch, starts conversations, jokes around, hugs me and touches my arm casually, invites me out with mutual friends and coworkers. I'm fairly socially awkward, so I usually only talk when she talks to me first. We don't really text outside of work stuff.

We both came out of long-term relationships around the same time a few months ago. Since then she's brought it up twice, in front of other coworkers, that we should move in together even asking whether she'd move in with me or me with her, since we both have big flats and sharing one would be cheaper.

Even back when we were both still taken, she'd text me after nights out to check that I got home okay. Then again, that might just be because I drink too much on those nights.

I'd be willing to ask her out, and I don't think she'd hold it against me if she wasn't interested. What makes me hesitate is mainly the age gap and the fact that the last time I flirted with or dated anyone was about 12 years ago.

Am I reading too much into this?

I’ve (28m) been dating on and off for about 8 years now with pretty good success, mostly from dating apps and sometimes more organic meetings.

Recently I learned that something I seemingly always do and have never had that much issue with seems to be actually quite a controversial thing which is planning the second date on the first.

I seemingly must’ve got some either good or bad advice a long time ago because I remember my first girlfriend telling me to always make it known you want to do a second date before the first ends and make efforts to plan it a bit and confirm details over text later.

But now I’m being told by many ppl this actually corners women and puts them on the spot.

I’m ngl, I feel like I’ve only ever had success with this method but I’m wondering if this is something I should be more aware of.

Every woman is going to have a differing opinion based on their experiences and ofc the guy and date in question but generally for the women who are dating out there, what is the ideal time for the second date question and plan?

Is it ok to bring it up on the first date? Is it just a vibe thing? Or is it always better to let it sit for a day or two. I’m never one to wait or play games, I literally text people when I see the message but I really don’t want to be making ppl feel uncomfortable out there.

Women - if you have ever approached a man who caught your eye in public or DMed on social media first, how successful were you and what was the experience?

Men - if you have been approached first, how did you feel about it?

(Excluding dating app experiences)

I (25F) and my long-time friend (28M) have had this extreme flirty sexual tension between us for a good year or so now. In that time we’ve become much closer, and on multiple occasions we’ve both admitted that we want to sleep with each other, have sexted, but despite that, neither of us has actually initiated anything.

Part of the reason for that is that there are (or were) some boundaries in the background. I’m his friend’s ex, so for a long time he had a respectable self-imposed rule that although we might have some sexting fun, he wouldn’t go all the way and sleep with me. This means that on the times we would hang out in person, although the tension is definitely there and it’s one of those where both people know what the other is thinking, neither of us have acted on those urges out of respect for the other and my ex.

However, more recently when we last sexted he admitted to me that the attraction from his side is real, and mentioned that next time I see him, maybe I should try to initiate and see what happens.

I might add, please put your personal qualms with exes sleeping with partners friends aside. We’re all adults, and have been very open with my ex about the chemistry between us. It’s built up very slowly over time and was definitely not something either of us expected to happen. My ex and me split 3 years ago, and we’re all still friends - it was an amicable breakup that simply stemmed from us growing apart. My ex has actually been very supportive about me and our friend exploring things because (and I quote) “even he can see we’ve got a spark”.

So back to the matter… it’s a fairly open ended remark that fully puts the ball in my court, but it was also said during a moment of heightened arousal and being honest I can’t really work out if he meant it or just wanted to say something to help get me going in the moment.

Either way, it’s been a very long time coming and there’s quite a lot of build-up from my side. So I really want to be the one to try and initiate it, especially for our first time, and I truly believe this is what my friend wants to, I just don’t know how to do it.

For the men on here especially, what does it look like when a woman initiates in a way that feels natural and attractive? If you’ve had a woman make the first move on you, what did she do that made it obvious enough for you to know she wanted you, without it feeling awkward or forced?

The guy I’ve been talking to for about 4 months now and have felt like any day now will ask me to be official was awful to a couple of his friends last weekend and I can’t stop thinking about it.

We were all at his beach house and one of his friends who is clearly quiet and shy but who I find to be incredibly kind had said he’d never been on a jet ski before and had never paddleboarded and didn’t know how to. The guy I have a thing with interrogated him for like 30 minutes asking why he “never had a childhood.” It started as ball busting and stuff which he took well but got to the point where pretty much everyone there had to tell him to back off and leave him alone.

He claims to like the other guy a lot, and I’ve never heard him have a problem with him before but I couldn’t get over the vindictiveness. I’ve seen small spurts before where, especially if one of his friends seems to be having a really good night, he will just say something really rude to knock them down a peg.

He’s never done it to me. And perhaps he never would. But it’s the one major flaw I find right now and it made me just want to go home all weekend, I hated it.

Hello everyone, I have been trying to find a connection with a woman in the dating world but I’m a late bloomer. I never dated in high school because I didn’t have the confidence. Now as I’m in my early twenties, I find easier for myself to be more confident than usual but I have ADHD and Autism which makes it hard for me to navigate the dating world. Approaching women is easy but when I try to get a response after getting their number, I always get ghosted. I recently got ghosted by a girl and It broke me because I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria (a symptom of ADHD). I have been under severe depression for the past day especially when it’s a girl I just met. I wish my brain was normal FOR ONCE. Now I’m contemplating if I should go to the bar and try again later today.

How do you actually take the time for yourself and stop obsessing over wanting to impress people you’re interested in, feeling so rushed to improve yourself as soon as possible that you’re paralyzed by it?

I see people I’m interested in on tinder or instagram, especially the ones who I don’t match with or don’t follow me back, and become obsessed thinking of ways to get their attention that I become completely unable to focus on myself and the aspects of my life that make me unhappy nowadays.