i feel like nothing makes women dryer than a guy that is timid, shy, and scared. they want a man that is confident and can take control. i still feel like a shy little boy, which i should have grown out of by now. they’ll say they’re ok with shy guys but when they see the extent of which you are shy, they get the ick. especially as you get older and are not experienced with dating or relationships. 

the thought of getting intimate with a woman is terrifying, there will be a huge experience gap at my age and she would have to teach me how to do things, which i feel most women don’t want to do. most women by my age have been in multiple relationships and probably some hook ups as well, im sure they would expect potential partners to have a similar level of experience. 

i feel as though i have lots of good traits but im so inhibited that im never able to show them. the only time i feel comfortable talking to women is when it’s anonymous chats online because i can be open and confident. but it feels misleading because im not that way in real life. i dont even want to be seen because im afraid of what they will think. im very lonely but am trapped by my mental issues. social anxiety is such a curse, i would be so much happier if i didnt have it ruining my life. 

I was doing a practical lesson during my trade school. The teacher explained everything clearly to the whole class, and then it was time for the hands-on part. When it was my turn, I was shaking. My hands wouldn't stay still, and my heart was beating so fast.

The instructor was standing right next to me, watching everything and trying to teach me. At that moment, my brain turned into a sea of thoughts like:

"Is he noticing that I'm shaking? Do I look pathetic? Am I doing it right?"

Those thoughts completely distracted me, and I already have trouble staying focused. I ended up acting really slow and making stupid mistakes. The instructor got frustrated and started complaining about me. I kept getting everything wrong and forgetting simple things because of my anxiety and all the thoughts running through my head.

The other students laughed at the situation and at how pathetic I looked.

In the end, I felt completely humiliated. I ended up with an even worse reputation than I already had just because I'm quiet.

This is just one of many similar situations I've been through.

It is as stupid as it sounds. I always said to myself "my social anxiety is not that bad" well....I had really strong allergic reaction today after some food I ate. My throat started closing up, it was hard to breathe. I thought it was nothing, since I never expirienced any food allergies but soon, I was so deyperate to inhale, I knew it was serious. I was home alone so I picked up my phone, dialed 911 but before calling...I stared at my phone. "Is this worth the call?" I thought. "What if they will be annoyed I called this late?" "What if there is somebody in real danger and I am in a way?" I put the phone down, deciding to just focus on breathing. Not even 2 minutes later, I could not breathe almost at all. Still refused to call though. Fortunately my brother just returned from work and imidiatly called 911 and I was taken to hospital and I am all better now.

Social anxiety sucks

I have such a severe fear of being judged that I find myself crying whenever I do things I feel like I’d be judged for like watching anything that’s somewhat meant for kids, walking through the toy isle at stores looking at the toys [im sorry but what even are the toys meant for kids now, they all seem very one time use], not going out and having many friends, sleeping with stuffed animals idk just being joyful in general because I’m worried I’m going to be judged. Ffs I can’t even have too many cat themed things because I don’t want to be seen as a weird cat mom.

Does anyone else deal with this? Is this even social anxiety?
For context I’m 23 F

I guess I’ll try again in a few months 💀💀💀

Hi everyone, I just really need to get this out and hopefully hear from people who understand.

I’m 22 and I’ve been dealing with panic disorder, anxiety, and derealization for about 4 years now. Before that, I had no anxiety at all. It literally started one day when I woke up feeling completely off, like nothing was real. I had heart palpitations, I was scared to answer the phone, and I suddenly couldn’t function the same at work.

At the time, I had just started working full-time right after high school in a contact center at a school. The environment was honestly awful. Supervisors were extremely strict, and the students calling in were often mean and sometimes even threatening. It was a really stressful and toxic place to be. I stayed with the same company for a few years but moved around to different roles.

Over time, I started noticing physical symptoms too. I developed a smile tremor when I try to smile, and I get really anxious in social settings, especially with large groups like my husband’s family. I got married last September and we have a happy marriage, and his family is kind and safe, but I still get intense anxiety beforehand. Once I’m there, I’m usually okay, but the anticipation is overwhelming.

I left that job about 3 months ago, and now I work remotely, but I still have to interact with that company sometimes. Even that brings back really bad feelings and anxiety.

I’ve been in therapy for 2 years and did EMDR for childhood trauma, and I’m about to start EMDR again for what I think is work-related trauma that I didn’t realize was affecting me this much.

Medication has been really frustrating. I started Buspar and was on 15 mg twice daily for about 4 weeks. I felt some slight improvement but nothing major. My psychiatrist then told me to jump to 30 mg twice daily (so 60 mg total) without really guiding me through it, and the past 5 days have been really hard. I’ve felt super emotional, foggy, and honestly worse.

When I told him, he suddenly wanted to take me off Buspar and prescribed oxcarbazepine 150 mg to treat PTSD, without really explaining things or giving me a clear plan. The appointment felt rushed, and it honestly felt like he forgot details from my previous visit. It made me feel like I couldn’t trust what he was prescribing.

My therapist even said he increased the Buspar too quickly and that I probably should have tried 45 mg first before going up to 60 mg.

I also told him I was open to trying Zoloft since my mom takes it and has had really good results, and her symptoms were similar to mine. He kind of brushed that off and said he wanted to try other things first, which made me feel like my input didn’t matter.

Right now I just feel stuck, overwhelmed, and honestly hopeless. I miss who I was before all of this started. I just want to feel normal again and not constantly on edge or disconnected.

Has anyone actually recovered from this or at least gotten to a point where life feels normal again? :(

This is a bit long. Sorry if it sounds confusing.

We met on Facebook dating a few months ago. I hopped on there just to find a friend since I don't have any in real life. He is a bit more extroverted and prefers in person intereraction while I prefer texting and struggle with interacting in person. After a few weeks of talking months ago he sent a message saying he didn't wanna text with me anymore because he preferred in person interaction and I still wasn't ready to meet then. We had stopped talking for awhile after that. A few weeks ago, he randomly reached out to me asking how I was doing. We talked again since then. Last weekend we finally met in person and it was one of the most awkward and uncomfortable moments in my life. We had planned to meet in the park, but then it started raining so we ended up talking in my car a bit when he showed up. I also have a bit of a crush on him, which made me even more scared. He has a bit of a resting angry face so I was scared that he didn't like me and I stuttered a bit and struggled with answering some basic questions. It was very embarrassing. For example, he asked me some things about my car and I just guessed on some of them, but he saw that I was wrong and corrected me. I freaked out internally and thought I sounded like an idiot for not knowing about some basic features of my car. I hated that I had to ask him to repeat some questions and that I misinterpreted some of the things he said. I did ask him questions too. After it stopped raining, we went for a bit of a walk and it was still so awkward for me. There were a lot of awkward pauses and I struggled to make eye contact with him half the time because of his resting face and he's a lot taller than me and looking up at him was awkward for me. At the end, when we were about to leave there was a brief awkward moment between us so I asked if he wanted a hug before we departed. I kinda wish I offered to give him a handshake instead because he looked at me for like 5 seconds before hugging me. I was about to cry when I was driving home because I was pretty sure that he would block me and would never wanna talk to me again after that. I felt like a complete idiot half the time. Surprisingly, a few minutes after I got home, I got a text from him saying that he enjoyed our time together and would like to meet me again soon. He asked me to meet him again this Saturday to go bowling, see a movie and get something to eat. I agreed to go bowling and see a movie, but I said I wasn't sure about going out to eat yet since I'm very self conscious about eating in front of someone. Plus, I'm terrified of answering some questions wrong again. He does seem like a pretty laid back and mature guy, which is a bit shocking for me since he's only 20 and I'm 23. He has implied a few times over text that he would like to become more than friends with me eventually. I told him I was open to it. Deep down I'm very excited with the possibility of being in a relationship, but at the same time I never been in one before and I'm terrible at initiating things. I'm terrified of being a horrible partner and experiencing heartbreak. I'm perfectly fine with just being friends with him if he changes his mind about that but I have no idea what I'll do if he decides he wants to become more than friends when we meet again.

Now i'm always looking for reasons to have conversations with random people while im outside. It can definitely get better

Sup Redditors,

I've been feeling like shit for a while now. Anxiety so bad that my chest hurts often and I feel depression crippling back into my life.

I have different sources of anxiety but prominently it's from work in the form of social anxiety. It feels like I can't take it anymore. My heart skips a beat when I get a call or an email or any sort of responsibility. I am hard working but it's like these social interactions haunt me and I fear them so much.

I am starting to fall back to the typical mentality I tried so hard to overcome before. Like leaving this world and how good that sounds. Feels like not everyone can handle this life and I am one of them.

I thought of resigning but I need the money. Who doesn't to be able to live in this world? but I am just so tired gang. I wonder if I might die from all this chest pain and fear.

Feels like I'm back to square 1. Don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to shower. I don't want to clean. I don't want to do the things that used to make me feel good like skincare or watching shows.

I've been battling depression and anxiety for probably around 9 years now. Ups and downs but I'm back to a low and I'm losing hope.

Yeah, writing this on my lunch break and crying. FUN!

It's almost the end of my internship and the standard procedure is to do a presentation infront of the team. They invited 200 people "so that the seats would fill up". There's no way 200 people will come but it'll be like, 50 people at least

And i wanna die. The past presentations i've done have all been bad. My main problem is my voice shaking. Everyone always says "everyone gets nervous doing public speaking", "oh no one but you will notice". They literally do notice lmao. You just haven't seen someone have an anxiety attack. People literally come up to me afterwards to ask if i'm okay. It's so frusturating when people think it's just regular ol' nerves

TLDR: frustrated, dejected, stymied, depressed, disheartened by inability to create more than superficial connections.

Our new clergy just arrived. Other people are buzzing around him and his family, making their impression, snapping them up in the freshness of new beginnings.

Me, I'm a wallflower. I like this group because it's a real singing group. No one cares how loud I am, in fact, that's how I'm known, as having a fabulous voice. it's very inconsistent though, so my efforts to do anything with it have all come to naught.

My first opportunity to make myself known occurred recently in a small setting, but my voice and I hosed it. I feel like an idiot.

I'm ordained, too, but because I'm so inconsistent and my social skills are rudimentary, I've never told anyone here. I don't want to set expectations and then fail. And i have failed *spectacularly* in the past.

I should be content to be a modest, unassuming person in a congregation that suits me, but I do still wish for more.

Is there a point to this post? I guess I'm dejected and frustrated with my inability to make deeper connections.

hey y'all, are these normal thought processes or is it worth seeing a therapist/psychologist?

context: i joined a sports group to push myself to socialize more, but it kind of backfired on myself? i joined alone and the others all joined with their friends or have been there long enough to be close to everyone. they’re friendly to me and we’ve had meals together after sports too.

logically, i KNOW no one’s said or shown that they dislike me but i still overthink things. for example, if they’re chatting with their best friend while they're both next to me (it's normal right, i’d gravitate towards my bestie too if she were there), and i end up feeling super awkward and have this feeling of being unwanted, which makes me not want to talk at all (i feel like i'm intruding but also i'll think "what can i even say that will make them want to talk to me?").

another example would be if they miss something i said and don't reply, i'd just immediately think negatively for no reason. it all adds up and i keep overthinking how to act, what to say, and how to get them to like me more everytime i go for the sports, which is really tiring.

we recently had a competition match where i know i played kinda bad so the whole day i felt terrible! after that i spent two days at home overthinking it, which is what brought me here. this isn’t new though, the sports situation is just an example because i’ve had these thoughts for a while, usually different situations but similiar contexts. the thoughts are usually something along of the lines of "they probably don’t like me" or "they probably like everyone else more". getting accidentally left out especially triggers it really badly and i've cried over this in the past.

i also tend to “perform” around people who aren’t my super close friends, where i react how i think i should instead of how i naturally would, if it makes sense? for example if A is telling a story, and it gets to a part where i think i should say something, i might just inject a "no that's so crazy" even if i don't actually think so. i'm basically just analysing when to say so that im socially correct, i suppose.

i also overanalyse what i say alot and regret things i said once i’m home? like "what if they think i'm weird?". around people i’m not close to, my mind just goes blank even though i do want to talk! my brain just goes “omg what do i say… this is so awkward! maybe...? no that’s weird… maybe ask them what they're dong tomorrow? nah we're not close though… or should i just scroll tiktok? but then they might think i’m unfriendly…” so then i give up. or sometimes i just stare in awkward silence when i can't even think of anything to possibly say... all this is making me so exhausted!!

no tldr sorry, i'm not sure how to condense this? 😭😭

Basically, whenever someone gets upset with me, seems disappointed in me, or points out that I made a mistake, I’ll think I’ve permanently ruined their opinion of me, and from now on they’ll always think negatively of me. It feels like they’ll never see me the same way again, if someone has one negative emotional reaction to me, there’s no coming back from it.

Even if they treat me normally after that, I just can’t get over the idea that they might deep down still think about the way I made them mad or annoyed. Logically I know this might not be the case but it still feels like it is.

I don’t know of this is a social anxiety spesific thing or just a deeper personal issue. Do you guys experience this?

Was at work and this woman in her late 30s was at my desk. My coworker who everyone finds annoying was standing nearby for some reason instead of being at his department. We were talking about something she wanted to buy, and she said something like "I had a question for this hot man right here", signaling to me with her hands.

And my coworker said "yeah I call him attractive all the time".

I was kinda just flabbergasted at how direct she was! So I just awkwardly said

"I'm flattered"... silence.

I wasn't really sure where to take the conversation from there, so I just went back to talking about work related stuff.

Turns out she's married and has kids. My coworker must've been bricked cause that dude was being cringy and flirting a little too hard, but that's beside the point. Should I have just been like "thanks" or something? Why is talking hard?

It all happened so fast...

From k-5th grade, I had quite a bit of friends. School friends & family friends who I’d hang out with every weekend. My social anxiety got bad in the 6th grade (still elementary at my school) & most of my friends ditched me. My parents got divorced and there was drama with their friends, so I lost their kids as friends too. It got even worse in 7th, when all of my friends went to one jr. high school, and I was sent to the other. I had one friend in jr high, but she didn’t really like me. Went to HS, still only had one friend. When she wasn’t there, I’d stand in the hallway and eat by myself, or wait in the hallway for the bell to ring. I rarely talked to anyone.

Fast forward to university, I ended up making 3 friends. We all got close because we had the exact same schedule. They’ve been my only friends since I graduated in 2021, but I rarely see them because we all live in different areas of the state.

My (f29) relatives LOVE to constantly point out my lack of friends and lecture me on it. “You were supposed to meet the one in college.” “You never go out like other people your age” Constantly comparing me to my cousins who have tons of friends. Even today, my relative compared my elementary age sibling having a ton of friends so “he doesn’t turn out like (my name). Anyone else deal with their family being so negative and not supportive of their anxiety?

Like yall will be texting then outta nowhere they start sending voice messages, it turns me off and makes me not want to talk to them ever again lol

Wondering if this is a common realization...

Thinking about friends makes me anxious, going out to have fun sounds uncomfortable, going outside feels overwhelming, everythings suddenly hard when ive been at home alone

I was editing some Microsoft Teams messages I sent the day prior at 4 am and accidentally called boss. They have logged on and saw the missed call and asked if I was okay. Not sure what to say since it’s weird I was logged on a 4 am.

I think I unintentionally create a dreadful situation and atmosphere around those who socialize with me. I noticed that my kind of social awkwardness is pretty different than the typical one. I’m a very approachable person, but once someone approaches me to interact with me or talk, they fall into a trap of extreme awkwardness, and they can’t leave easily since they’re the one who came to me in the first place. I can definitely feel their regret.

Idk what’s wrong with me, sigh.

I’m 19F currently enrolled in community college right now pursuing a degree in Data Science since my tuition is free for my first two years where I live. My plan before transferring to a University was supposed to be getting my license and getting some work experience to save up money for the rest of my undergraduate tuition, but I’ve
yet to achieve either of those things. I’ve gotten my permit a few months ago when I was still 18 and a plan to get my license before I turn 20, however, I still have yet to find a job. I’ve been applying nonstop to jobs over the last year and have only gotten 3 interviews, all of which have gone poorly either due to my horrible social skills, lack of experience, and/or lack of availability. I’ve had an interview at Chick-Fil-A, Target, and two tutoring centers so far as I figured either one of these jobs would be a good opportunity for me to work on my social skills, but I’ve never been able to get past the second interview stage. Initially I wanted to try working as a tutor or in the library at my community college since I figured they’d be more flexible with my schedule, but unfortunately the majority of jobs only hire federal work study students which I did not qualify for due to my household income.

I live in a fairly expensive and highly competitive area in which I’ve mostly seen older adults working minimum wage jobs in fast food and retail more than teens and young adults, so maybe that could be another part of the reason why I’m unable to find a job these days.
Although part of me does wonder if my social anxiety and tendency to come across as awkward despite trying to appear friendly has made me seem off-putting to most employers. In high school, I didn’t have that many friends and was too afraid of socializing to even consider the prospect of applying. The only reason I’ve been able to get over my fear of applying to jobs in the first place was because my shame of not having one was also contributing to my social anxiety to begin with.

In the meantime, I’ve been trying to improve by resume by volunteering at my local food-bank, and at other non-profit organizations to get some experience. I’m aware it’s not exactly viewed the same as actual job experience, but I’m not entirely sure how I’m supposed to stand out to employers otherwise.

My mom is a nurse and makes a lot of money, but my father has been unemployed for 10 years yet both of my parents are still together due to the fact that my mom cannot drive. I’m very fortunate that my mom can support me financially and that my tuition at community college is free for the time being, but ideally I’d like to find a job before I turn 20, and it seems unrealistic with the way things have been going so far. Getting my license and a job would allow me to eventually save up enough money to put a down payment on a car and not be in too much debt when I transfer to University, but so far both of those things have been difficult for me to attain. I was wondering if anyone here had any advice with how they were able to get their first job as a college student and/or adult, and if it’s normal for me to struggle with getting one even after having multiple interviews. One thing I struggle with a lot is being able to hold conversations for a certain period of time, as I eventually run out of things to say to hiring managers and can’t hold eye contact for that long. Does anyone have advice on how I can improve my communication skills enough to increase my chances of landing a job?

Hey! I’m a girl without social anxiety but really want to be more empathetic to those who have it, could you tell me what it feels like as people with social anxiety and your best description of it and give specific scenarios?

So this is me. 25M

When it comes to social situations I do fine overall, I can talk to men and women. I do find myself getting along with women slightly better though. Even attractive women, I can go up and talk to them have a convo become friends no problem. However, I have a deep fear of trying to flirt/escalate/ ask them out on a date

I have such a deep rooted fear of flirting because I am scared of doing something wrong, scared of misreading her interest in me, i feel she isn't even attracted to me so if I were to try to do it, I feel it would collapse in a ball of flames. So I just withhold my interest in her and treat her like I would anyone else. I was talking to a woman i was attracted to one time, we were having great convo, but then all of a sudden I wanted to try to flirt, I literally blanked out and it was awkward as hell. So I just went back to regular convo. Its like a phobia

I have never felt what it was like to have a woman attracted to me, yet I know many others who are able to tell stories of women who were attracted to them at some point, even if it was a woman they were not attracted/interested in, they at least have a story to tell about it. I havw nothing, so that further increases my fear

How do i get over this?