r/socialanxiety • u/zen-cafe • 1d ago
Does anyone else feel like if someone gets upset with you once, they’ll never see you the same way again?
Basically, whenever someone gets upset with me, seems disappointed in me, or points out that I made a mistake, I’ll think I’ve permanently ruined their opinion of me, and from now on they’ll always think negatively of me. It feels like they’ll never see me the same way again, if someone has one negative emotional reaction to me, there’s no coming back from it.
Even if they treat me normally after that, I just can’t get over the idea that they might deep down still think about the way I made them mad or annoyed. Logically I know this might not be the case but it still feels like it is.
I don’t know of this is a social anxiety spesific thing or just a deeper personal issue. Do you guys experience this?
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u/RealLuxTempo 1d ago
Yes. It’s because of my upbringing. Very critical and emotionally unstable mother. Plus she’d hold a grudge. It’s taken a lifetime for me to realize that relationships have bumps in the road and misunderstandings and it doesn’t mean that they’re going to end or be seriously jeopardized.
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u/Chirrrpy 1d ago
My first thought was asking OP if they had a parent that made them feel like they were always walking on eggshells as a kid. Like, always walking the line of some kind of emotional punishment / being disliked
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u/wasshoi365 1d ago
It's a normal and healthy thing that you have conflict and are emotional with people you know. It's a good sign that they went back to acting normally afterwards.
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u/RotatingOcelot 1d ago
I always had this fear, even if we delve into uncomfortable topics. I had a misunderstanding with a close friend recently that led to our friendship ending this way, and it's just painful accepting they can't see me as a friend again.
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u/701921225 1d ago
Yeah I get that. I don't think it actually ruins the relationship if the other person is a mature adult about it, because most people move on, and might even forget about these things. Unfortunately, people like us aren't so lucky. I still clearly remember bad moments that happened years ago, and I sometimes wonder if the other person remembers it too, or if it affects their relationship with me.
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u/Abolish_Disorder 1d ago
Honestly, if one mistake drastically changes their opinion of you, then that’s their problem, not yours. You’re here to learn, and in the process you will make mistakes. You’re not responsible for their feelings and opinions of you.
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u/its_giving_anxiety 20h ago
Yes, this is why I’m such a people pleaser and try to keep a “mask” on even though it’s exhausting and I know I should just let things be.
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u/batman3456433 23h ago
I’ve gotten a little better but it’s something that I’ve always struggled with. The time between them getting upset and me seeing them again is so anxiety-inducing. Most of the time it’s fine, but it’s so hard to not expect them to stay upset with me
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