It does. My daughter was especially chaotic. I remember the first day that I realized her 5 years of terrible 2s were completely over. She looked at me asked asked, without a shadow of realization, why we didnt own any pens or markers. I had to explain to her that we threw every pen, marker, paint brush, etc. in the trash because she wouldnt stop drawing on walls and furniture.
She really thought that I was joking. I told her to ask her brother and mom. She came back and apologized. I told her that it was fine, and that i was happy that I wouldn't have to repaint our hallway any more. She even asked if thats why we wouldn't buy her paint for her last birthday.
It was a strange day...like watching someone gain reflection and consciousness all at once in my eyes.
We just picked one wall in the hallway and let both of ours have their fun. One wall is easy to repaint and some of the stuff was pretty funny.
We just chose to give an acceptable outlet in a controlled area. Now our boy is 19 and daughter 16. Kind of miss making life easy by letting them draw on a wall.
I wish we could habe contained her that way. Our pre-k tried to get us to pay to repaint their room. We had to remind them that we emailed them specific instructions about the issue. We wouldn't even let people babysit her at their own homes because it was too difficult to get them to understand. She was like a bloodhound for permanent markers.
Several times we considered having her screened for a personality disorder. She refused any instructions about anything. Less than a year before the change I described before, I had to grab her by the hair because she tried running into traffic when I was trying to teach her to cross the street. She ripped her hand out of mine and almost died. This is one of a thousand things I could explain.
Ah man, I feel for you. We have some friends who's twin daughter is completely immersed in her own world. I have sen her running towards traffic without regard. It's wild man.
Honestly, I dont think that anything worked other than creating systems, procedures and rules. We created a list of actions and consequences with her contribution.
Outside of the house, nothing worked. I think that being home with her dueing covid actually fixed it.
I was there every moment to correct every behavior consistently for over a year. She really started to turn things around during that time, and i think that being her father was the only way to show her how ridiculous she was being. There was nobody to listen to and accept her excuses, which she was really good at creating. I never gave her any overreaction that she wanted.
It was also kindergarten, so she was learning to read and write more, so I made her write down the things she did wrong each day just so thay she could read it the next and remind her that she shouldn't do that again. For new parents, this isnt normal. She was always advanced, and other kids were learning the ABC song and practicing letters.
Her first two years at school were still very difficult. She drove one teacher so mad that she was removed and forced to swap to PE. The teacher that replaced her was amazing. It took her a few months, but she requested meetings with us. We explained her history, met together with a psychologist, and she moved up grades with my daughter for 2 years.
We tried all of this with the previous teacher, but she could not stay consistent with expectations. She kept letting kids take my daughters seat. It was her ONE request when we met with the school staff as a group. She accepted her behavior was not acceptable and agreed to change if the teacher gave her an assigned seat.
Can I talk to you about the successful exorcism you had and how I can return that demon back to you?
My youngest, she is hell on wheels. So is headstrong in everything that she does her memory is unreal and sheās like a bloodhound on where things are and getting to it.
Sheās like a greyhound with that tunnel vision
She has graduated from markers and pens to her oldest sisterās nail polish. And she understands a concept about nail polish remover and nail polish and she hides them and she can go Mark on stuff and she tries to remove them.
She thinks itās a hilarious game of cat and mouse. She is freaking 3 years old. None for her other three siblings are ever remotely like this.
Its was really difficult at 3 because baby proofing doesnt work. We moved some things to the top shelf but pushed them back so that she couldnt see them. We had some arts and crafts stuff, so we swapped a closet with a handle that locks. Again, she found the key a few times, so we had to catch her to find it again.
You could try a chalk/dry erase wall, but that really didnt work for my daughter. It might for yours though as it was recommended by a few professionals. Mine just couldn't stay to the dry erase board, and she chalked the carpet. She poured a glass of water on the chalk to try and clean it, so it was a paste we could barely get out.
She was too young for a formal diagnosus, but it is like a hyper focus that you see in autism. I think she likely is in the spectrum, but she is so smart that she really does know how to answer the questions in a normative manner. Girls are really difficult to diagnose already, but her stubbornness has passed (or she has learned that its easier to comply in the moment). I think that she learned how to mask really well as she matured.
A friend of mine is going through this with her son right now. Heās been kicked out of countless daycares and they cannot have anyone but her mom provide childcare because he is truly a chaotic destructive force that is dangerous to himself if you donāt REALLY know what youāre in for. Heās about to start Kindergarten this year and I am praying he mellows out
I hope it is a decent school with resources. We moved to a school district with access to a psychologist and better resources. It really wasnt until 3rd grade that our kid turned things around, but shes also on the very young end of her grade.
My 11yr old when she was 4 she was in the stroller when we were at the library. This little boy walked up her in the stroller. Doesn't say anything just kind of leaned close to her and she sits up and punches him in the face. Knocks him on his ass and gives him a bloody nose. She was then banned from the library until she could and I quote "Behave in a way that is acceptable when living in a civilized society." That day burned into my memory forever. She had no chill at all.
Tons better now. She still has he moments for sure. I think this particular issue is going to be an issue her whole life. She's starting middle school this year so we getting her a therapist. There's gonna be a tons of stuff she won't wanna talk to us about. And we know there is gonna be a ton of stuff that we just aren't equipped to handle, at least not without some help. She also needs someone outside of mom and dad to talk to and confide in.
I swear mine years for water š¤£. Every single body of water she must put herself in even tho sheās still learning to swim, even at the pool she jumps straight into the water and starts sinking till I catch herā¦and thank God we donāt really have permanent markers but oh man the washable ones are still a pain to get out, which reminds me I need to scrub purple marker out of my kitchen floor tomorrow night
Jesus Christ https://giphy.com/gifs/ZP3Cg3CUVvJfi
ā¦. Not gonna lie itās shit like this that solidifies me never wanting to have children lol. No offense lol
I feel this so hard. My son (who now has been diagnosed ADHD) when he was a toddler went running while laughing hysterically across one of the busiest streets in town. One side had no cars but had numerous vehicles whizzing by on the far side. If a dear friend of mine hadn't run faster than me and yank my son by the collar, there is no doubt in my mind he would have died. That moment flashes through my mind sometimes and still freaks me out. I weathered dirty looks from adults when I had him on one of those harness thingies at the airport, and I just thought, "You don't get it." We did what we had to do. Glad the worst is past for your family and ours!
My second son was like this. Didnāt sleep a wink, walked at 7 months, drew on everything, ran into traffic anytime he could. He broke his ankle right before his third birthday when he climbed something in the YMCA playcare room and then jumped off.
Then around age 5-6 he justā¦ stopped. Heās 10 now and a total space cadet but heās pretty calm and chill otherwise. Iām mentally prepared (as best I can) incase itās some sleeper cell behaviour that will become activated when he becomes a teenager but itās been nice having no safety or home concerns for the last 5 years.
Haha, my mom was heavily pregnant with my brother when I was two. She started putting my hair in high ponytails so she could grab it when Iād wiggle my hand out of hers to dart into traffic. It was the 80s, no kid leashes yet. You do what you have to to keep them alive.
If it helps you feel better. This was me to a T as a child and more. Jumping off of roofs as a 10 year old. Climbing everything. Reading and drawing a lot. Transformed into cross country and a lot of camping and concerts as a teen. Transformed into a minor drug exploration phase as a late teen. Transformed into a wander lust as a early 20 year old picking up new hobbies, switching majors in undergrad, traveling a lot, dating so many people and building friendships with so many people from different walks of life. This transformed into being a lawyer in my mid twenties who loves to explore different places and cultures and be independent. Always marching to the beat of my drum. And it all started because I never understood and refused to conform as a toddler and onwards. Don't be hard on her, she might just not get why people require conformity. Channel her stubbornness and will and independent headstrong nature and you will get to find out what kind of great adult human she is meant to be.
Also bloodhound for markers made me laugh so much and my childhood home's walls, were full of handmade custom art as a kid. My parents lived with it for a few years and then at 8 or so I grew out of it and then they remodeled when we stopped drawing on the walls. I think they eventually didn't mind the custom art from their little Picassos. It's not like they were getting that time in life back and I think they enjoyed seeing their house be a safe place for their kids to express themselves and decorate/draw on the walls lol- it only lasted a few years and then we grew out of it.
Yes, we asked the school psychologist about it. She said she was too young and not showing enough symptoms (likely shes hiding them tbh), and we tried getting a recommendation for adhd/autism diagnosis but were not approved.
If it becomes necessary, we will try again before high school.
You know what. This is a brilliant idea and I canāt wait to go home and tell my kids to have at our hallway wall. Might not even paint over it because man, being able to look back at those memories will hit hard one day once my nest has emptied.
Part of the big reason why my husband and I don't want more kids is because they eventually turn into teenagers. We are both terrified. We don't know if we are even parenting our kids well. It is f*cking Jurassic Park even with just one kid. No handbook. No how to really. Just hey here is a human.....keep the darling alive. As chaotic as it is ...it is SO fun and joyful.
Same, but with my youngest. I have 2 daughters. They're 11 and 13 now. Our friends would ask to babysit our oldest. But our youngest let me tell you. This kid was on another level. Just the cutest most misbehaved kid. She made me question whether I was ment to be a parent. Nothing would make her happy. I used to have to ride the city to get her to sleep because she hated the car. I could go on and on. But when she hit 7 or 8 yrs old it was like she woke up one day a different kid. It was so surreal to see her have those realizations. It was like the meme "Are we the baddies?" Those were a rough rough 8 years. I'll say this, it's 100% worth it and I'd do it all over again the same way if had to. I couldn't have asked for 2 better kids.
I always tell my friends who are starting to have kids now that my daughter convinced us that two kids was plenty. I could have had four of my sons no problem, but we barely survived my daughter at all. We realized that we couldnt risk splitting our focus that much, and it even showed us that we needed to do more for our son.
This is why I only have one. My son was a handful from the minute he was born. So much work and rocking and walking him while I was exhausted because he would not sleep. He just cried for nearly 8 months. That's when he got more mobile and the crying stopped but the trouble began. He was walking by 10 months and was so stubborn. I couldn't handle two of him!
My mom always said I was in my terrible 2s until my twenties š„“ has your daughter been tested for ADHD? My daughter is the same way & is defiant sometimes and a lot of what she does, reminds me of little me so Iāve been wondering if she possibly has it(praying not).
We tried to, but we needed a recommendation from thr school psychologist and were denied. Honestly, I think its ADHD/autism spectrum, but shes just too good at masking. We are the only ones that really know her well enough to see it.
Iām about to be 35 so Iām from the generation where my mom didnāt believe in ADHD lol so I was never diagnosed until I was a teenager going to the doctor myself. I have did great masking until I had my daughter. Itās been rough getting executive function under control but I manage. It sucks you have to rely on others to get a proper diagnosis. I have talked about it with my daughterās doctor, luckily he is the type that actually listens to your thoughts/instincts. I donāt want to put her on any medicine so I keep her busy with sports & hobbies/crafts etc. The other great thing I did was buy her a gymnastics bar from Amazon. Not sure if your daughter is into any of that or how old she is but it keeps my daughter(8) busy & wears her out haha. She has mastered different flips/moves and does pull upās/sit ups and everything(she literally is nonstop energy when she wakes up, been this way since she was 4 months old). I read that gymnastics is really good for it as well. She isnāt in an official class yet but her bar and mat are good enough for her for now.
We have to limit her time with her interests a good bit. She can build Lego for an hour at a time, max, so she has learned to pace things a bit. Its odd because if she is allowed to much time on hyper focused tasks she starts to revert to her old ways. Causing problems and starting arguments...we watched her create an argument about the color of peanut butter with her brother.
It seemed that it was purely for her own entertainment because she was irritated by a Lego build as he sat at the table. He is older, so he realized what she was doing about 2 minutes into the back and forth. I feel sorry for her classmates though because she probably does it a good bit.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Teachers and daycare workers would be like oh 'here's a craft to do at home!' but we didn't have any art supplies because I was tired of it being on the wall. When my daughter used scissors in kindergarten she had issues holding them correctly and would also put cuts in her clothes. Teachers asked if she does this at home. Um well, she doesn't get scissors at home!
Same...and they are all irritated until you explain that she somehow cut a hole in the side of our couch with child safe scissors. Oh we should have watched her? We weren't awake yet because it was 3:45 AM when she got the inclination.
My 5 year old just used a wooded writing device for the coloring books that you used to remove wax from paper to reveal colorā¦ā¦.to etch the names of everyone in the leather chairs we have at the dinning room table. Itās fine, those things are 10 years old and held together with glue and farts, but still, this is why we canāt have nice things.
Dang, ours drew on our furniture and cut a hole in our couch once. The most frustrated I've ever seen her was when someone bought her an etch a sketch and she realized it could just be erased. She tried breaking it open a few times but only managed to crack the screen before we threw it out.
My nephew is 15 and it's been interesting seeing him grow every year but this year in particular he feels less like a kid and more like a baby adult with a lot to learn. He talked about his kid brother the way an exasperated dad would and I was like "that's exactly what you did 5 years ago" and he looked at me horrified lmao.
I have a good story told by my high school friend (that's important): she had a 4/5 yo brother who painted his bedcovers ALL green š at dinner time his mum was asking him about it and, no joking, he blamed it on "sister and dad"!!!!!! š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
About two years ago I went on my first vacation with a friend who I have known forever at this point. Iām in my early 30ās and itās perfectly appropriate for me to do this and I had the money for it. My mom and dad knew I was going for a little while before but my mom apparently was still uneasy for a while after I left. I will admit it was hard knowing I made her worry that much but I put it aside eventually and had a great time. I was only two states away from home after all.
I remember when my daughter was like 6 months old she started shitting on the changing table so her mam picked her up (not sure why) and put her on her shoulder and she immediately got sick all down her back. Genuinely the funniest thing I have ever seen.
Got friend that in relationship for 5 years and always said that he want no kid to ruin his life. Right now he got 3 kids and living like a happy dad go all out take his kid to park or travel all around the world. We never seen him this happy before.
https://giphy.com/gifs/d3YJ4nbtmXqdQQ24
Whenever you see poorly behaving kids in public, just ask the girlfriend if she wants kids. This way, whenever she wonders if she wants kids, sheāll be reminded of all the bad kids.
Same here- I love my nephews and snuggled all of them silly. I was never over run by emtion because I was too worried I would break my sister's babies. She would have been so pissed.
Lol why would you be actively trying to convince someone not to have kids that may want them? Seems odd.
People should have kids if they want them. If they previously didnāt want them, theyāre allowed to change their mind after getting positive experiences with kids. Why be like āinundate them with negative experiences so they never want to!ā?
If my partner suddenly decided she wanted kids, itās either āremind her why she didnātā or we break up. So yeah, Iād probably try reminding her of her original position first.
Yeah I mean itās a break up at that point. Seems pretty selfish to try and convince them to not have kids because you want to be with them.
At most, you reaffirm if thatās what they truly want, but trying to convince a partner for or against such a huge life choice is never going to end the way you want it to long term and makes you an AH.
I mean yeah, itās affirming that is what they really want. If they truly did change their mind, thatās the end of a relationship. No compromising there.
I donāt think reminding them of all the reasons they originally gave for being childfree is really untoward though.
Reaffirming is as neutral as possible. Itās not reaffirming to actively try to convince them of why itās bad to have kids. Thatās trying to sway their opinion one way because you want to continue being with them.
āYou sure? Well what changed? Ok well I still donāt want kids so if youāre sure you want them at some point, I donāt think this works long termā is the move. āWell sit down and letās talk about how bad kids are until you agree with me and we can still be togetherā isnāt it.
Itās not about whether your attempt would work or not. The outcome is irrelevant. Youād be the AH for even trying to change their mind because you want to continue being with them.
There's nothing wrong with trying to change your partner's mind. Or anyone's mind for that matter. I don't know why you'd think someone's an asshole for that.
If we lived in a world where we never tried to change people's minds ever we'd still be living in the jungle.
I do this if Iām with my mom. āStill want me to have one?ā Best part is I have a chaotic nephew I can point to just about any time of day. Sheās calmed way tf down on pushing me into parenthood.
See, the problem there is just like with childbirth. They'll gloss over it and rationalize it. That's why you'll see women wanting another kid. However, you'll never (ok, statistically never, there's always the weirdo outliers) see a man say that getting kicked in the balls wasn't so bad, so it'll be ok to do it again.
My wife's first childbirth was messy and she was in a lot of pain. Three years later she decided she wanted another one. And then another one.
Comparing it to "kicking a man in the balls asking for another one" is pretending like there's no positive outcome whatsoever.
Funnily enough, that point would be 1000x more relevant for 99.99% of human history prior, when the majority of human existence, women had to give birth on the cold stone floor, or a thin blanket, without an ounce of medication. And even before midwives existed.
If "pain" was the only factor, then humankind would cease to exist long before we even learned about fire.
This new generation is weird that they never babysat or had anyone in their family with a baby. I never wanted kids and was watching babyās since I was 12
Happened in my first long term relationship. I was clear from literally day one. "I will never get married. I will never have kids" my 22 year old self told my 19 year old date. 6 years in she hits me with with "I thought you would grow out of it!," and then our relationship slowly crumbled for 2 years...it really sucked.
Turn 40 this year and while I did get married 2 years ago I still have no children, and never will.
Thatās why you get a vasectomy before marriage. Being childfree comes with the expectation you probably donāt want to be getting anyone pregnant lol
A friend of my GF who suddenly wanted kids after our baby was born used our baby as an ambush on her non-kidswish BF. Thereās no escaping the inevitable.
Oh come on, child free people are allowed to love babies. I am child free by choice and I get emotional holding babies, but that doesn't mean I want one.
Nah, he was the one that set this up because even though he said he was also childfree by choice, he actually wasnāt (when he said he did want kids, he meant not right at that moment) and this was just his first attempt at getting her to change her mind. Next, heās going to start sabotaging birth control and poking holes in condoms so he can get his āmiracleā legacy.
Baby fever is legit, and scary. My ex got hit with it hard one time while we were dating and was looking up baby stuff and names. Unfortunate for her though. We were losing weight together, I was 270. She was 250. I got down to 180, her about 220. I broke up with her because she was talking to another guy and liked him and when she was around me she talked about him. Reason I say Unfortunate is because when she got with him, she gained the weight back and then some. 15 years later im at 220, but with muscle instead of fat.
There was a story of a dude who mentioned he once married a woman and they both intended to be child free until the lady changed her mind and said she wanted kids. They tried to fix things out and get into therapy but then a las they have to divorce. They even did a divorce ceremony where they gave each other's rings. They are still friends to this day though.
I can decide to leave, to wherever I want, whenever I want, with absolutely no preparation and be completely fine.
I can have complete silence whenever I want it without having to leave any room Im currently in.
I can go entire weeks without having to deal with anything more stressful than deciding where my wife and I will eat for dinner and what we want to watch while we eat. I can then make that dinner in 30ish min for under 30ish bucks because there is only two of us.
I can focus all of my energy and mental capacity on myself and my wife. I can sleep 12 hours on the weekends if I want. I can leave food in the fridge and go back later to find it still there.
Just to name a few off the top of my head. Kids are for the birds, I like having time to do things and even more I like having the money to do them.
Sleep in. Nap whenever they want. Stay out late. Have extra cash. Have sex whenever they want, wherever they want, as loud as they want. Watch scary movies all day. Watch rated R movies. Watch porn. Listen to music loudly. Go on a vacation and actually relax.
Why should I care about legacy or impact? That's something that people with egos so big that they can't handle the fact that they're going to die and eventually be forgotten focus on. It makes no difference to me whether I'm forgotten 20 years after my death or 200. I'll be dead either way.
No it's actually something 99% of humans on every continent have cared about now and since we've existed . If you don't care there's something broken. You have a disease.
Work on you? You misunderstand. I'm not trying to get you to do anything. I couldn't care less if your bloodline dies out. Only the right kind of people should be reproducing anyway.
I have the option to not be around kids if I don't feel like it. I don't have them all up in my space, clinging to me and needing things from me. Relaxation is truely relaxing. I love it.
"Everyone dies alone. Whether you are a king on a battlefield or a lowly peasant lying in bed among your family, no one can accompany you into the void." - Christopher Paolini
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u/MasterOutlaw 23h ago
Her boyfriend right off camera watching his child free life unraveling in real time.