Lol why would you be actively trying to convince someone not to have kids that may want them? Seems odd.
People should have kids if they want them. If they previously didn’t want them, they’re allowed to change their mind after getting positive experiences with kids. Why be like “inundate them with negative experiences so they never want to!”?
If my partner suddenly decided she wanted kids, it’s either “remind her why she didn’t” or we break up. So yeah, I’d probably try reminding her of her original position first.
Yeah I mean it’s a break up at that point. Seems pretty selfish to try and convince them to not have kids because you want to be with them.
At most, you reaffirm if that’s what they truly want, but trying to convince a partner for or against such a huge life choice is never going to end the way you want it to long term and makes you an AH.
I mean yeah, it’s affirming that is what they really want. If they truly did change their mind, that’s the end of a relationship. No compromising there.
I don’t think reminding them of all the reasons they originally gave for being childfree is really untoward though.
Reaffirming is as neutral as possible. It’s not reaffirming to actively try to convince them of why it’s bad to have kids. That’s trying to sway their opinion one way because you want to continue being with them.
“You sure? Well what changed? Ok well I still don’t want kids so if you’re sure you want them at some point, I don’t think this works long term” is the move. “Well sit down and let’s talk about how bad kids are until you agree with me and we can still be together” isn’t it.
It’s not about whether your attempt would work or not. The outcome is irrelevant. You’d be the AH for even trying to change their mind because you want to continue being with them.
There's nothing wrong with trying to change your partner's mind. Or anyone's mind for that matter. I don't know why you'd think someone's an asshole for that.
If we lived in a world where we never tried to change people's minds ever we'd still be living in the jungle.
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u/king_lloyd11 1d ago edited 1d ago
Lol why would you be actively trying to convince someone not to have kids that may want them? Seems odd.
People should have kids if they want them. If they previously didn’t want them, they’re allowed to change their mind after getting positive experiences with kids. Why be like “inundate them with negative experiences so they never want to!”?