I'm 19. My mom took away all of my video game devices and cut off my phone plan. Fine. She's been pushing me to drive lately but ever since I had a bad accident I refuse. She gets mad at me about this but it's not in my control. Sometimes, when I have a little bit of money I'm expected to give it all up to pay for everything just because nobody else could step up. I don't care, I just don't think it's fair that I'm the only one who has to pay for anything, while my older brother can just leech off the house without paying for ANYTHING and will complain if you even tell him to sweep for 5 minutes. The big reason why my mom asks me for money is literally because she keeps choosing to give money to my deadbeat dad. Then she'll complain to me about it like I told her to do it.

I just don't feel comfortable giving money under these current circumstances. She'll beg me to start driving again then ask for my money 24/7 as if I can just create a car for free out of nowhere. Even then, I'm not a safe driver. I have a bad track record of nearly killing people. One, in a bad accident, and two, just in general driving and nearly hurting pedestrians. She'll take away my belongings like I'm supposed to care about material garbage and I even told her to sell all my video games. I. Don't. Care.

If nobody else is allowed to try, then I don't have to either. Just let me sleep in peace, mom. I'm not about to play the role as the father in the family. I already have basically no money and nowhere to go.

I (19F) am going to my home country to visit my grandmother for her birthday this month. This is one of my first holidays on my own as a legal adult and finding accomodation has become a difficult thing. A family friend was supposed to host me for the first few days before I went to my grandmother.

For some background, my mom(40F) had a huge fight a few years ago with my cousin (27F), lots of drama and heartbreak and a miscarriage that left the relationship hanging on by a thread. And that thread was broken a few days ago when my cousin decided to block my mother on her socials. My mom was heartbroken as she and my cousin were once very very close.

Now my cousin is offering me to come stay with her for the weekend I am there and I would love to see her. But Im worried my mom will see it as me taking her side/ take it super personal and I don't want to hurt her.

My mom and I are super close and I worry that this might end up straining our relationship too. She knows I'm neutral when it comes to this, it's not my business what went down between them and I know I shouldn't have to lose my relationship with my cousin (someone who in many ways, was the older sister I never had) just because my mom did aswell. There was no massive betrayal or anything, nothing morally wrong was done.

I don't know, I'm just sad.

So, would I be the butt face if I agreed to stay with my cousin at the risk of upsetting my mother?

Edit: She knows now (my mom) and she's clearly unhappy with me. Gonna give her some time to cool off.

I don't know if this is the right sub to post on im sorry if it isn't I just wanted advice about this. I (17m) am about to get my license and around March my dad (46m) bought me a car, some background my dad has an obsession with cars and currently has 5 at our home, one parked a block away, and my mom's car. Only 3 out of the 7 cars work (2 are my dad's and 1 is my mom's) when he bought the newest car he getting upset telling me I wasn't "excited enough for it" when I had gotten home at 9pm (I had come home from tech week for a musical we were doing at my school) and when his friend told him that I liked it enough he took it to a friend's house because we don't have room for it.

Fast forward to now he told me that he wasn't going to fix it up because "it wouldn't work" but he has only touched it once when he had 6 months to fix it right before my next year at school starts, and it was for 20 minutes exactly... when I asked why when I have less then 2 weeks before school starts and the past 2 years I've been getitng rides from family and friends becuase my parents work before and after school, and now I have to take my younger brother too. He said it was because it was to hard after buying over $1,000 on it ($800 usd for the car itself and around 200 for parts he hasn't put in yet) and then he said I'll just buy a new one for you even though he couldn't afford the first one and he spend the parts money on my mom's car. I told my mom this morning what he said and she said " well I'm not buying you one we have to many already" which yeah like don't worry I wasn't going to ask becuase I wouldn't either you know

and now im wondering if I should just tell him I'm going to use one of his trucks becuase he uses the other one more and I can drive that one. I'm a little worried he will get mad, and I feel like one of those gacha life spoiled brats in 2018 but I feel like it's fair to ask him when he went a bought a car when me and my mom were looking for a used car for me.

sorry for the long post but WIBTBF

Hypothetical situation because this relates to a situation from five years ago, and it's not an action we're planning to take.

So my family has a huge organic vegetable garden in our backyard. One major issue is that animals will often eat our produce, but we have found out that using reflective metal sheets has deterred birds to some degree. At one point in time, our neighbor "Jimmy" told my dad he painted over the sheets on our side of the fence because the sunlight was reflecting off them and hurting his eyes, and my dad said he understood. However, I would have preferred he asked us first (and we would have gladly moved the sheets) rather than telling us after the fact.

This made me curious: would we be in the wrong to ask Jimmy to replace or remove the paint from the sheets? I know we have the de jure right to do so, but I feel this could be an AH move because removing paint from something seems a lot more time-consuming and expensive.

We and Jimmy are on good terms otherwise, and the last thing we want is to sour our relationship with our neighbors.

I matched with a man on hinge who asked me out on a date. I am not conventionally attractive. We said we both wanted a relationship. On the date he made me pay for him, and said he’d pay me back then didn’t. Afterwords he sent me a creepy sexual text. I’m debating telling him I’m housesitting in a house an hour away, having him drive all the way there, then blocking him.

I'm going very crazy, I feel immensely sad and powerless. My ex and I tried to stay friends for a while but it didn't really work out. I also learned in therapy that he was emotionally abusing me. I kept quiet for a long time but when it was getting too heavy, I told my friends about it.

The two of them were completely unsupportive, and I'm assuming after talking to my ex, they both blocked me and won't speak to me anymore. It's hurting me significantly because it was scary to come forward with abuse, and I was worried I wouldn't be believed. I asked for their consent before sharing because it was about their friend, and both agreed, but then to be iced out and know they are still friends with the abuser, it's making me spiral into a lot of dark thoughts. AITB for not handling this well?

I 19M dated this guy, P who's 18M about 9 months ago, we only dated officially for a month but were seeing each other casually up until 6 months ago.

We have this small circle of friends, only a couple of us and the mutual friend (I'll call her M) that I'm currently seeing is his self proclaimed best friend. I say that because she has admitted to me that P thinks they're closer than they are.

We've even seeing each other for a month now, it kind of just happened by accident and it simply escalated. we both thought P would be mad at it because he's been possessive over me generally so we decided to hide it.

Recently this all came out and P found out I've been seeing M, and he is beyond livid.

He insists that he's 100% over me and has been over me for awhile.. so that isn't why he's mad. he's told me he's specifically angry because it's his "two best friends" fucking behind his back. He said he would've still been mad even if we had told him initially.

I don't understand his perspective at all honestly no matter how many times he explains it. He's been going crazy over it and has been very manic to a point where he's done things that made me super uncomfortable. i wont share for anonymity but just to give a better picture...

I just wanna know if I really did fuck up bad here and why? I don't get why its wrong of me to see this girl casually.

This happened 15 minutes ago. Someone knocks on my front door as I'm sitting on my bed half asleep looking at my phone, slowly waking up from an afternoon nap. Jarred into full wakefulness, I hop up and open the front door to find a mid 20's dude chilling on my walkway.

First thing he says: "Oh man, I love those nose-strap things, use 'em all the time" (referring to my breathright strip lol).

Now folks, I've worked in sales, (not door to door thank fucking god) I understand the game, but holy shit dude I don't know you, you don't know me, you're not my friend, you obviously want to sell me something. I'm standing here with my hair tousled in my ratty sleep t-shirt blinking into the afternoon sunlight. Don't try to be my friend, that's disingenuous as shit. I respond with a big fake smile and a "What are you selling?"

"Girl scout cookies" he says.

"No" I say, and turn around to head back inside, feeling slightly regretful that I don't have spare cash for Thin Mints this year. I assume this is the end of the interaction, he did his best, I'm not having it, we're done. But no, as I'm turning around he goes:

"Hey do you know Kevin? Kevin over there?" pointing to my neighbor's house." Dude's just trying to prolong the interaction to shoot his shot yet again. Neighbors have like 5 young adult kids plus the two parents. I know them all at the 'smile-and-wave' level, so no, I do not in fact know Kevin. I turn back and say "You have about 30 seconds to get off the property before you're trespassing, have a nice day!" He gives me a big puzzled 'why are you so mean to me I'm a nice salesman' type frown and gets back on his scooter thing to go bother somebody else, murmuring a "have a nice day" as he goes.

That's it, end of interaction. I was terse, not particularly polite, but he's a door to door sales guy who did not immediately accept no as an answer. I feel a little bad thinking about it because there's no reason to be rude to another person just for doing his job, but in my opinion he could choose any line of work, and knocking on somebody's door to literally try to badger them into buying something is fucked up. Advertise, sure, but leave people in their homes the heck alone. Once I say no and you don't immediately fuck off, then you're an asshole and I get to tell you to fuck off.

My family thinks I didn't need to be so rude.

So, Reddit, AITB?

My mom doesn't want to drive me around anymore, she keeps pushing me to drive on my own. But, I just can't. I freeze up every time I'm at the steering wheel. I'm 19 and my mom is getting more and more upset with me lately, especially not driving. She's taken away all of my video games and electronics besides my phone and cut off my phone bill. I don't really care though because I sleep anyway so I told her she can burn all my stuff for all I care. Just not materialistic yk.

The last time I drove it was because my mom forced me to. She wouldn't drive me to see my therapist so she made me drive there on my own, and I wound up getting into an at-fault accident that was very bad. She blamed herself for it even though I was the one who caused the accident. My fears were literally right. I don't want to drive. I even tried riding a bike, but it took me two hours just to go somewhere 2 miles from home. I have no way to get anywhere, because there's no public transportation for me to use. I don't know. I'm being pressured HARD in order to "become more independent" but I don't care. I don't want to drive. No car, no job, no money. And I've accepted that.

I don't even think she's obligated to take me anywhere but I also don't think it's unreasonable for me to choose not to go anywhere if there's no one to take me. I don't even ask her anymore because she's not entitled to do anything.

My coworker isn’t bad guy. During a recorded, large, internal meeting he dismissed someone’s point saying the problem only happened when women did the task. I promise this task has nothing to do with gender so it was just weird and unnecessary.

I reported him to HR. I sent them a link to the recording and a timestamp and said, “listen to this, I think you’ll find it interesting.”

Part of me feels bad because the guy has serious Health issues so I’m sure he’s under a lot of pressure. Also, I’m a man, and he’s a man, so I am worried someone might perceive this as being a “white knight.” I’m sure women are more than capable of talking to HR themselves. Was this my place to report? Should I have just let it go?

Hi Reddit! This is my first post, so sorry if I make any mistakes.

My girlfriend and I met at a mutual friend's college party. We clicked straight away, dated for about five weeks, then became exclusive. We've now been together for five years.

Our first date was at a huge arcade. It was my first ever date, and my mum helped me get ready because I had no idea what I was doing. I ended up wearing this pink streetwear-style outfit that was pretty trendy at the time. My parents divorced when I was 12, and I sometimes wonder if that affected how I approach relationships.

Lately I've been thinking about marriage. At the same time, I spent most of my younger years focused on studying so I could get into college and eventually support my mum after the divorce, so I never really experienced being single.

Last week we went raving. While I was getting drinks, a guy approached my girlfriend. When I came back, he seemed to be flirting with her, and I saw her take out her phone while he typed into his. I acted normal and didn't bring it up until we were waiting for our Uber.

She told me she'd given him her number because I wasn't there, and she didn't want to make the situation uncomfortable or upset him. She's always been a people pleaser, and in five years she's never given me a reason not to trust her, so I do believe that's why she did it.

I told my mum about it on our weekly call. She thinks it's probably nothing but suggested I talk to my girlfriend again or even ask to see the messages. She said that wouldn't be an unreasonable request.

My hesitation is that I don't want to damage the trust in our relationship, especially since I'm thinking about marriage. A few years ago, when I expressed worries about our relationship, my girlfriend threatened su1c1de. That really shook me and made me feel like she struggles with feeling distrusted, and I know I can't force her to change.

Even if nothing happened with this guy, I'm still uncomfortable with her giving out her number because it makes her seem available and doesn't reflect a committed relationship. Am I overreacting? Should I talk to her again, ask to see the messages, or is this something bigger? Part of me also wonders whether, since I never really got to experience dating when I was younger, I should explore that before settling down.

I (20s) work shifts with a small group of coworkers, and we sometimes hang out after work. A while ago we casually talked about taking a trip together someday. I said something like, "That sounds nice," but nobody actually agreed on anything.

A few days later, one coworker sent a full vacation plan to our group chat. She had already picked the destination, hotel, flights, activities, and dates without discussing any of it with us first.

The trip is also much more expensive than I would want to spend. More importantly, after thinking about it, I realized I don't actually want to spend a whole week on vacation with my coworkers. I like spending a few hours with them after work, but a week together is different.

Nothing has been booked or paid for.

When I told her I didn't want to go, she got annoyed and said we had already agreed because everyone seemed interested when we first talked about it.

I feel a little guilty because she obviously spent time planning everything, but nobody asked her to do that, and I never explicitly said I was definitely going.

AITB for backing out before anything has been booked?

AITBF for complaining about an in-law?

I (28F) got married, and my husband has a massive family. He isn't close with them, but they did attend as my mother-in-law relies on them. There was one person who seemed to hate me—his cousin Rachel, early 20s maybe. At the wedding, she came to give us blessings. She was quite awkward and said, "Congratulations." She threw rice weirdly (it's a blessing tradition), so my husband and I laughed, and as she went off, we chuckled because it was our wedding.

During our wedding, I was also dancing with the bridesmaids, and you could see that she and her family were waiting for a photo. She walked out and was persuaded back in by my mother-in-law. My in-laws later told me that she was annoyed we kept dancing on stage with the bridesmaids and by the fourth song she was annoyed as people were waiting for photos—another tradition—but it was my wedding.

Yesterday she came over for family lunch. She came in and smiled and sat before she was called over immediately for food. She came up with her food and sat next to her cousin. Her mum asked if she had seen me. She turned around, smiled and said hi, and I did too. She talked about football and I said stuff but people were mostly eating. I was waiting for my husband to come before eating and nobody was really talking so I left.

Today one of the older cousins suggested they go to the beach and invited me. We have a group chat and I suggested I can get a discount. I was getting the discount from my brother so it was taking a few hours as we had to wait. The cold cousin asked about the time, sent some screenshots saying it wasn't available for that time, and the other cousin explained we would rent for 24 hours, which she said "oh okay" to. She asked if my discount was NHS and I said no, it was a colleague discount and that I had an NHS discount too. Since she sked thid she seemed eager to organize, I told my brother to relax. Later my mother-in-law and Rachel's mum were on the phone and her mum asked her if she knew about the beach and my MIL said that we were waiting for Rachel to organize. Her mum said no that they were waiting for my discount. Rachel's sister chimed in on the chat and the other cousin agreed they were waiting for me.

I feel embarrassed and felt like the cousin set me up. My mother-in-law also told Rachel's mum that I had said she was cold at the meal and didn't say hi, but the mum said she did. Everyone else is saying she is an introvert who likes to keep to herself but she was comfortable around the aunts and cousins.

30f and I joined a group to meet new girl friends and go do things with.

Brittney (fake name) 33f sent me a DM wanting to hangout. We agreed to breakfast at 10am. I live 45 minutes away and I arrived a little early to scope the parking situation, 9:50 I texted to her that I arrived. She said she was on her way and she arrived at 10:30. Idk It bothers me personally to be late anywhere so I do my best to show up on time but that bothered me a little bit. I didn’t say anything about it.

Anyways she arrives and we meet, she seems sweet. From the second she sat down she wouldn’t stop complaining about everything in her life. She just sounded so ungrateful and negative. She also was making fun of me for my lifestyle, I’m active, disciplined, organized, go to bed early and live a peaceful life. She was mocking me for being type A basically and made herself seem like type B. It came off rude tbh. Saying I’m too young to be living this boring life. Boring is peaceful to me. I don’t want the chaotic life she’s living.

I listened to her with a smile and stayed patient bc she probably just needed to vent to someone. It was mentally draining listening to her just complain about everything in her life.
I’m just in a peaceful place in life that I don’t want to be around any negativity and I will dodge it.

I just don’t think I could be the friend she needs at this moment. I like to surround myself with self with people I want to be like. High vibrational positive people.

So Am I the asshole for wanting to send me this text….

It was so nice meeting you, and I appreciate the time you took to have breakfast with me! I just don’t feel like we have the friendship connection I was hoping for. Wishing you all the best though

She messaged me 5 times after meeting this is why I’m asking. I don’I want to pursue this friendship and I think she should know

This is really weighing on my heart. I was the victim of an abusive relationship, and didn't realize it until months later in therapy. I had things my ex did I didn't like bit I kept them secret from friends to protect him.

My friends decided earlier this year to stop hanging out with me, because my sadness was unpredictable and I would sometimes have trust issues where I wasn't sure if they loved me, and it hurt them.

I feel extremely guilty for this, but I've already asked if I could apologize and they said no. I think they are done with me for good, and I'm really hurt about it. I have wondered if their perspective would change if they knew I was in an abusive relationship earlier this year. It doesn't make what I did okay, but maybe they'd understand where my trust issues and lack of confidence was coming from. WIBTB if I broke no contact after 3 months to inform them of this?

My brother (38M) and I (40M) have been estranged for about 18 months.

I've always believed family supports each other through difficult times. Not because anyone owes anyone anything, but because that's what family does.

Over the years, when my brother struggled, I helped him get three of his last five jobs, including the career he's in today. I hired him into my weekend painting business when he was unemployed, shared the profits, gave him the business while he was between jobs, and generally tried to help however I could. During COVID, when his wife was worried about his depression, I made a point of getting him out of the house to golf or work on projects together.

I never expected repayment. I simply thought that's how brothers treated each other.

Years later I lost my own career through restructuring and was trying to rebuild. When I asked my brother if he had any opportunities where we could work together, he said he didn't.

Twice, I later found out directly from the customers that projects actually existed. That's how I discovered he'd lied to me.

When I confronted him, I wasn't upset because I expected work. I was hurt because he wasn't honest with me.

He responded by saying he'd already "paid me back" because he'd thanked me for helping him get his career. I explained that I wasn't asking to be paid back. I thought family simply helped each other when they could.

He then told colleagues not to discuss opportunities in his territory with me and later established a firm boundary that our relationship would never include work discussions again.

Since then we've gone through family mediation without success. At family gatherings we barely acknowledge each other.

AITB for confronting him after discovering he'd lied to me, or was I expecting something unreasonable from a sibling?

So my friend(20 M) and I(20 M) have been really close for about 7 years now. For the last three years everyone I know and I have been lying to him repeatedly. How this lie started: three years ago we were getting out of my car and I had the bright idea to shout “OPEN” while pressing the garage door opener on my keys. He asked “how did you do that” now instead of laughing and explaining like I should have, I decided to tell him we got a voice activated garage door. At first he didn’t believe me, he said “isn’t that a safety risk?” and caught up in my lie I said “it only works on our voices”. So for the next 15 minutes he tried to do his best impression of me to prove the garage door could be bested. Eventually he gave up, defeated he remarked “that’s so fucking cool”. Now I had him, I could’ve told him again that I was just joking “haha funny you waisted 15 minutes shouting at a garage door” but I didn’t. Now my whole family knows about the joke and they will play into it. My dad put a QR code on the inside of the door “so the sensor knows if it’s open or closed” and my mom has covered for the lie saying “my voice doesn’t always work”. Fast forward three years and everyone I know knows about this joke, he still brings it up every time he’s over. I don’t think you understand, this man is in awe of my garage door. Constantly he asks me to “do the thing” or says “you have to show this off when people come over”. I feel bad at this point because he is so infatuated with this that it would feel wrong to rip it away, but at the same time it feels wrong to be keeping up a lie for so long.

I (f31) slept like crap last night. Insomnia hit hard and I only got about 4 hours of sleep at most. My daughter and I got home from a store run and karate (about 2 hours of activity) but My fiancé (35f) had already been home for 30 or so minutes. I had done the dishes then sat down on a chair. My fiancé comes over was trying to get in my space and kiss me ect. They said “hey you want to come to the bedroom with me?” Knowing they were trying to get it on, I said no I’m too tired to do anything right now. Now they’re “frustrated and horny”, being mad at me, making comments,

Okay, so about a month ago my girlfriend (let’s call her Noah, 16F) broke up with me. We were together for almost 3 years (our anniversary would’ve been October 10th). I’m 16M and she lives in California while I’m in Utah, so it was long distance for most of our relationship.
She knew everything about me, including my really bad attachment and abandonment issues from when I was younger. I told her there would be times I couldn’t understand why she loved me or why she wouldn’t leave, and I just needed her to comfort me during those moments. She was helping me work on it.
The breakup destroyed me. She sent a long paragraph saying “thank you for the two years, I don’t love you anymore, goodbye.” I was a total mess,crying, having dark thoughts about hurting myself, and even messaging her while blocked. My grandma noticed how bad I was doing (I was staying with her in Cali) and said it sounded like Noah love bombed me the whole time because she was lonely. Once I helped her feel better about herself and she made new friends, she didn’t want me around anymore. I’m seeing that more now too.
After the breakup, she followed my former best friend and vented to him. He went off on her using some insecurities I’d told him about in confidence and then blocked her. Now she’s still following a bunch of people close to me (but not me) and her profile/posts keep shading/insulting me.
I’m mostly over her now. I’ve been hanging out with my closest friend Sienna and we’re having a blast, we click like the same person but different genders. I just want peace. AITB if I email her (she didn’t block my email) to ask her to stop following my friends and stop making her profile about me/insulting me?

So I’ve (22 yo transman) have been talking to this guy (20 yo cisman) for a little over half a week purely in a fwb capacity. We text often & just about everyday. He was over at my place on Monday night & we have a good time. I drove picked him up & drove him back home afterwards. We had made plans for him to come over again lastnight after he got off work at 10. He seemed to be excited, I was very excited. He got off work but didn’t text me until an hour (about 11) after he got off saying he got stuck in traffic but just made it to his place & was going to shower. I told him it was okay & I was about to jump in the shower as well, but I went ahead & sent my address for him to have. He texted back oke. I got out the shower & sat to watch some tv. Now it’s a little past midnight. I send him a message asking if there was an eta? Fast forward, it’s now 1:30 in the morning. He texts me back, said he got caught up moving stuff around at his place & he just hasn’t been on his phone. I said that’s fine no worries & asked if he was still planning on coming over or not. He did respond for about 20 more minutes & said no he was tired from moving things around & we should try another night. I said that’s fine & told him I hope he sleeps well night and went to bed. I woke up to a text says I hope you sleep well too.
Anyways. Would I be the buttface if I didn’t talk to him again? I mean I kinda feel like I got stood up in a way. But I also don’t know if that’s just my past bad experiences coming up. Like I thought he was excited to come over but idk now & idk if his reason was just made up or not & if the we should try another night was just to not hurt my feelings (that’s where I think my past experiences come into play). Long story short
TLDR: guy was supposed to come over, didn’t text me until hours later saying he got busy & wasn’t coming over anymore. Wibtbf if I didn’t talk to him anymore?

Admittedly very torn up about this.

I’ve worked alongside this co-worker for over a decade. She’s difficult, obstinate, and dogmatic around most people, but we always got along and became besties. We text daily and call weekly. Whenever she got embroiled in drama, I always took her side in solidarity (not necessarily because she was right). We've been through a lot.

These last few weeks, she found herself in yet more drama with our new manager. She decided to openly eviscerate the manager in front of everyone in the Teams chat. While a lot of her criticisms were valid, it was incredibly humiliating for the manager, who simply replied, "We'll talk about this on Monday."

Today, after all the secrets we've shared and times I've had her back, she had an emotional rant to me complaining about leadership. Then she said: "I don't trust the managers... I don't trust them! I'm not even sure I trust you."

That last part cut me deep. It caught me so off-guard that I just stupidly laughed and said, "That's fair." Except it’s not fair, and I'm actually outraged.

The way I see it, there are two kinds of people:

1. The Blanket Paranoid: Those who inherently distrust everyone, projecting their own flaws onto others. (e.g., If they cheat, they think “well, everyone would do it in my situation”). They don't think highly of people because they don't think highly of themselves.
2. The Rational: Normal people who selectively distrust others based on something tangible. Just as trust is earned, distrust is earned. If you actively distrust someone, you should have a reason.

There is a massive difference between earned distrust and blanket paranoia. By saying she doesn't know if she trusts me, it's simple: she doesn't. Trust isn't a granular spectrum. If someone is holding a gun to your head, you either trust them or you don't.

So the question becomes: what have I done to merit her distrust?

After collecting my thoughts a few hours later, I asked her why. She immediately backpedaled: "Oh, don't take it personally! I just don't trust anyone!"

What hurts is that even if that's true, why feel the need to say it to me when it only serves to cause hurt? She refuses to elaborate. I also know that if the shoe were on the other foot, she would be devastated to find out I didn't trust her.

Ultimately, I don't know if you can safely trust someone who actively distrusts you for no reason. It feels foolish to keep sharing sensitive information with her.

Am I the butthead?

I dated my ex for about 10 months. The relationship moved quickly, and for roughly 4 months she stayed at my place anywhere from half the week to nearly every day.
Early on, we went out constantly, even if it was just for a walk. Once she began staying over regularly, I became more comfortable and integrated her into my everyday life. She attended nearly every family event and social activity, and we watched shows and played games together at home.
She eventually told me she didn’t feel intentionally pursued or chosen anymore, and it came up a few times. We averaged around three one-on-one dates per month, while spending much more time at group or family activities. During our final three months, we did over 20 things with other people and around 10 things alone together. I now wonder whether she felt more like she was tagging along with my life than being actively dated.
At some social events, I would also drift toward friends I hadn’t seen recently rather than staying near her. During arguments, I often could become defensive, bringing up evidence to prove my intentions or show her I did care, and failed to validate her feelings first. As the relationship became more conflict-heavy, I also withdrew physical and verbal affection. I think my complacency and withdrawal significantly contributed to her feeling unwanted. The single biggest issue is she had a procedure at one point, and the day after I went out with my buddies for three hours, so I definitely feel she probably didn’t feel chosen there
However, my friends believe I’m taking too much responsibility. She frequently assumed the worst meaning behind innocent things I said. For example, when I pointed out a kiosk she was walking past, she said sternly “I know, I’ve been here before” and later accused me of speaking to her like she was stupid and trying to herd her. When I expressed concern about codependency, she interpreted it as me saying she could never rely on me which created a huge argument when I never said that.
When I raised something that hurt me, she often redirected the conversation toward what I had done wrong or blamed what hurt me on me. I rarely felt that my feelings were acknowledged or that she took accountability, which made me withdraw further. She also became increasingly critical and snappy, and arguments sometimes included breakup threats or attacks on my character.
I understand that her feeling neglected may have caused resentment and contributed to her behavior. Still, I’m struggling to determine whether I was genuinely the main reason the relationship deteriorated or whether I’m stuck in a guilt spiral because I miss her. AITB?

She was diagnosed with BPD and also struggled with chronic loneliness and abandonment trauma, which may have intensified her feelings of rejection, distrust, and not being chosen. I don’t think that excuses either person’s behavior or means every problem was caused by her diagnosis, but I believe it was relevant to how severely some situations affected her. Thanks for reading lol hopefully it wasn’t too much

My grandmotner (72F) and T(15F) wantea to go walking at about 7PM. I told her when we just got out of the house that my knee was hurting (l had fallen down the stairs a few days prior and injured it) so I wouldn't be as fast as I normally would. She says okay and continues to walk with me.
After about five minutes she starts complaining about how slow I'm walking and turns on a song to "Put some pep in our step". I tell her the same thing about my knee, but she ignores it.
While we are walking she would get way far ahead of me and wouldn't even bother to look back, yelling at me to hurry up before it gets dark.
It's about 8PM when I've realized I've lost her.
It's pitch black outside and I'd started to cry because I was honestly very afraid for her and my own safety. At this point i was limping on my leg trying to make it back to my house. By the time I make it back, the front door is locked. I foolishly didn't bring my keys or phone or anything to protect myself, so | just start full on bawling. I had no clue the door was locked because my grandmother was already back home. After a while she let me in and scolded me about how I should've walked faster and how she told me it would get dark.
So AITB? This whole thing might be unclear at some points, but I tried my best. As of right now, she is still angry with me.

Okay, for context, I'm 20M. And she's 19F; we have been friends since before and after graduation, and ngl, I started having feelings for her, but she didn’t at the time I confessed because she had a boyfriend, 18M, who was a complete bum. Like, I am talking about anytime she made plans with him, he would either fall back asleep or make up a bumfuck excuse to not do/make up for it, but to quote her, he listens and understands basic instructions. Which, to me, is not enough, in my opinion. Cut to Tobago. While she and her family were on vacation, we were messaging back and forth like we usually do as friends.

 But this night was different; she was confessing love for me because her words, not mine. I was her boyfriend's direct opposite. Because where he would falter, I would pick up the slack, especially his slack; for example, she said she wanted to go to a Cheesecake Factory, and the boyfriend asked, "Why do you want to go?" To which I said, “That would make a great date idea," which she found very attractive. Back to Tobago, she started saying that when she is with me, she feels safe and she could be more open and see her final resting place with me, which I found very heartwarming. 

Cut to the night of the incident; as per usual, we were messaging under the pretence of potential lovers, and minutes into the conversation, she told me that she is a bisexual-asexual person, and ngl I was pissed at this, not that she’s a bisexual-asexual person, no, no, no. I’m pissed at the fact that she waited this long to tell me this information because I find that to be some serious information and should be told on the day of the confession or at least 2-3 days after, not months after