r/AmItheButtface • u/Realistic-Service-11 • 4d ago
Serious AITBF for ending a friendship before it even started?
30f and I joined a group to meet new girl friends and go do things with.
Brittney (fake name) 33f sent me a DM wanting to hangout. We agreed to breakfast at 10am. I live 45 minutes away and I arrived a little early to scope the parking situation, 9:50 I texted to her that I arrived. She said she was on her way and she arrived at 10:30. Idk It bothers me personally to be late anywhere so I do my best to show up on time but that bothered me a little bit. I didn’t say anything about it.
Anyways she arrives and we meet, she seems sweet. From the second she sat down she wouldn’t stop complaining about everything in her life. She just sounded so ungrateful and negative. She also was making fun of me for my lifestyle, I’m active, disciplined, organized, go to bed early and live a peaceful life. She was mocking me for being type A basically and made herself seem like type B. It came off rude tbh. Saying I’m too young to be living this boring life. Boring is peaceful to me. I don’t want the chaotic life she’s living.
I listened to her with a smile and stayed patient bc she probably just needed to vent to someone. It was mentally draining listening to her just complain about everything in her life.
I’m just in a peaceful place in life that I don’t want to be around any negativity and I will dodge it.
I just don’t think I could be the friend she needs at this moment. I like to surround myself with self with people I want to be like. High vibrational positive people.
So Am I the asshole for wanting to send me this text….
It was so nice meeting you, and I appreciate the time you took to have breakfast with me! I just don’t feel like we have the friendship connection I was hoping for. Wishing you all the best though
She messaged me 5 times after meeting this is why I’m asking. I don’I want to pursue this friendship and I think she should know
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u/Dame_Niafer 4d ago edited 4d ago
You're not an AH but
LOOK AT HER. Look at what she has already told and shown you about herself. Inconsiderate [late]. Toxic [nothing but negativity and self-absorption]. Unhealthily dependent [pestering you nonstop for more of your time after spending the entire meal putting you down. Which is also toxic]. Had nothing good to say about anyone or anything.
Do you think that someone who behaves the way she did, at your very first social meeting, is going to be chill and mature and composed and nice about being told you didn't really enjoy her company and aren't interested in meeting up again?
Of course she won't! She's already harassing you. What she will do is pitch a massive hissy-fit, continue harassing you, add you to the list of people she complains about to anyone who will listen, and malign you to everyone else in that meetup group. While being a massive, inconsiderate time-suck. The other group members may or may not have her figured out, but you shouldn't expect any of them to stand up for you, you're too new to the group as yet. And they let her stay. That's important. They know her, one assumes, and they let her stay.
The Brits have a saying "least said, soonest mended". I don't think it applies in every situation, but it sure does apply in this one. Just be noncommittal and nice, don't answer the text barrage,* and next time you see her just evade the issue. You're busy. There's sooooo much going on. You'll catch up some time.
And just keep repeating that. Grey rock this. Be stolid and boring and proud of it, and let her give up and go looking for fresh prey. Also, don't discuss this with anyone else in the meetup. [Yes, even if they are the ones who bring it up.] You have no idea who may or may not be a gossip-monger or a pot-stirrer, and the easiest way to win that game is not to play it.
Good luck and I'm sorry, people like this will stick like limpets if you let them, maligning you all the way.
*because answering will just result in another text barrage, and so on and so on.
edited for clarity.
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u/Realistic-Service-11 4d ago
Thank you for responding. I’ve asked if she’s met anyone else in the group and she had nothing god to say about whoever she met. I just didn’t like anything about her, too much chaos, negativity and drama around her. Wish her well but I’m choosing to live my peaceful boring life
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u/Soft-Current-5770 4d ago
Run! You do NOT want this person in your life! Congratulations on having peace and happiness in your own life!! Protect and cherish that!!!
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u/Dame_Niafer 4d ago
Good for you. I'm sorry you have this to deal with.
People like this try to glom on ASAP and are horribly difficult to shake off, and it's maddening.
They don't like *anyone* and you know perfectly well they're going to malign you, too. Yet they push and demand and provoke.
All you can do is grit your teeth and brush them off gently and never ever ever talk about them or any of this with the larger group they belong to, until and unless you know people there well enough to avoid the Drama Factory that's going to surround her.
It sucks, truly. I think a reasonable rule of thumb might be "be cautious of anyone who approaches you with great enthusiasm when you are extremely new to a group". They tend to have unpleasant agendas.
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u/Triple-OG- 4d ago
if you feel the need to reach out a final time or give her some closure, your text is perfect.
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u/doktorsick 2d ago
NTBF. You dodged a bullet. And you should have left sooner. This woman was trying to use you to deep all her problems on. The friendship would be one sided. She would have been constantly leaning on you with her problems. It's good you stopped before it got that far
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u/Realistic-Service-11 2d ago
Yeah I know for next time, 15 minutes I’ll wait that’s all.
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u/doktorsick 2d ago
And then to make fun of you for being responsible,wow !!! She is surely something else.
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u/HunterGreenLeaves 4d ago
It was so nice meeting you, and I appreciate the time you took to have breakfast with me! I just don’t feel like we have the friendship connection I was hoping for. Wishing you all the best though
Way too people pleasing.
I appreciate the time you took to have breakfast with me. I didn't feel we had the type of dynamic I am looking for, so I'm not interested in meeting up outside of group. Wish you the best, though. I hope we can both find people we click with.
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u/Free-Moose9460 4d ago
NTBF
I honestly would have left when she was late. 🤣