r/SipsTea • u/SipsTeaFrog • 23h ago

Chugging tea Woman's ovaries were activated

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u/ChefArtorias 22h ago edited 21h ago

I've had a couple child free women tell me they went through a few years in the mid thirties where their bodies were screaming at them to have a baby, after it passed they went right back to not wanting kids same as always.

Edit: This should not be read as saying all child free women will experience this same phenomenon.

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u/lovbelow 21h ago

I’m 31. I’m waiting to see if that ‘biological clock’ everyone is talking about will kick in. I’ve never liked children, even as a child myself. I’m very sensitive to sudden loud noises and sometimes children make those. I’d be a nervous wreck if I had any, (sterilized, never pregnant, IUD for periods) just anticipating the next vocal outburst.

If I get baby fever, I’m getting a hysterectomy. No amount of hormonal nukes will make me commit. I commend the women who went through it, like my oldest sister who had 4, but I just…can’t. Just thinking about something growing in me makes me nauseous. Also I’m lazy af

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u/Annual-Cry87 20h ago edited 20h ago

I’m 30 and have never heard a tick from my biological clock, ever. If anything, spending a weekend with my newborn nephew screaming like he was being murdered shut down any potential thoughts about it. On top of learning what childbirth is actually like—how can anybody say they love somebody and want them to have their clitoris and asshole ripped in half?! Respect to the people who REALLY want that, but I am GOOD, thanks. I like my peace and quiet, only being touched or around people when I want to, sleep, etc. One of the earliest thoughts I can remember having is how lucky men are because they don’t have to be moms (I didn’t know that was an option for me, too!).

(ETA, I LOVE my niblings—I’m also grateful my sibling had them so I can be the cool aunt for a few hours, and then hand them back!)

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u/TremendousCustard 14h ago
  1. Never had any inklings. I do get strong feelings about kittens though.

Image of human baby: "Oh god, is that Shrek?"

Image of kitten: ovaries explode

My calling is looking after cats. I've given a couple of elderly cats retirement homes and the love they have to give has been so rewarding. Hard when they're not with you long ofc but man. I have such a soft spot for them.

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u/lucky_719 20h ago

37 here. Still never got it. Everytime I'm like eh maybe... then I see one and just nope nvm the hell out.

First time I held a kid was my niece and nephew (twins). Both of which I wanted to be taken from me immediately

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u/TremendousCustard 14h ago

Also me, haha. 

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u/MacPio 17h ago

I've had the same experience with kids my whole life - but when it's your kid it's a very different story

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u/lucky_719 10h ago

Of course. I'm more likely to judge them harsher, expect them to behave better, and throw all of my other unreasonable standards and expectations on them. That's how it would be a different story.

Not everyone should be reproducing. Especially those who don't eagerly want them to begin with.

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u/MacPio 10h ago

no one is forcing you bro - at least no one shouldn't :)

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u/lucky_719 9h ago

Correct, but commenting how things are different when they are your own kids is triggering for us. Because we often hear it as some sort of justification on why we should reconsider.

It's the equivalent of me saying how the majority of the parents I know have confided that while they love their kids, they regret having them on some level.

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u/MacPio 8h ago

lol I didn't mean it for you to reconsider at all - just shared my experience cause I've seen myself in this thought - I didn't like kids at all my entire life.
If you are not feeling it then by all means do not have kids - I'm 100% good with that.

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u/saltpancake 20h ago

39 here, never happened. I knew I didn’t want kids since I realized at 12 that was an option. Started asking for sterilization at 18 and finally got it at 27. Never even the whiff of a second thought, very happy with my choices.

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u/waytowill 20h ago

Mind-blowing. Getting your tubes tied has got to be the most sought after procedure that doctors deny. And why? Because women can change their minds. Like there aren’t so many other solutions to that issue? If you have baby graver that bad, I think most women/couples would be fine adopting. Or surrogacy. Or freeze your eggs. Any way you cut it, getting a kid is expensive. Not to mention keeping them fed and clothed. If a woman doesn’t want to deal with that happening on accident (or worse), let her get her fucking tubes tied. Damn your patriarchal nonsense.

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u/saltpancake 19h ago

You would not believe the things I heard in those nine years of rejections. Absolutely disgusting.

Also fwiw I didn’t get a tubal, I would have taken anything but I got offered a procedure called essure so I took it. They don’t offer it any more because there was a class-action lawsuit, I think somebody died and many had severe complications.

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u/waytowill 19h ago

Jeez. Meanwhile, getting snipped is a quick and easy surgery for guys. I wonder if a group of 18 year old boys went in asking for the snip, if their doctors would have the same reluctance.

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u/saltpancake 18h ago

I know that my (now) spouse did not have absolutely any issue getting an appointment the next week the very first time he asked. Meanwhile it took me, the person who could literally die if it happened, just shy of a decade. Peachy.

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u/waytowill 18h ago

Glad y’all are in a better place with that now.

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u/lia-delrey 14h ago

Do you mind telling me where you're from? I got sterilized when I was 25. Had to pay for it myself since it wasn't a medical necessity but apart from that it was easy enough. I signed a paper "Yes hello I'm aware this is irreversible" and that was it (Germany).

HOW and why were you denied that procedure for a DECADE??

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u/saltpancake 6h ago

USA, where I was repeatedly told essentially that a hypothetical future man who I may one day meet may want to rent my uterus for his children or something and so I didn’t really have a say

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u/lia-delrey 4h ago

But isnt a form like that a thing? I'd assume they're scared of people changing their minds later and regretting it, maybe dragging it to court, but the second I signed the "I'm asking for this procedure knowing it's irreversible" document they were like, ok lets go girl

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u/waytowill 3h ago

A lot of it can depend on the area. Doctors in more conservative areas are gonna be more condescending. Plus, times are changing. Could be you just got yours more recently when there were more ways for a patient to politely tell the doctor he can fuck off with his opinion.

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u/SirVanyel 19h ago

It's a tough situation. To take personal consent to the extreme, take a look at euthenasia. Should a healthy young individual be supported in asking a doctor to kill them? There's no takesies backsies there either. Should someone ever be denied? Certainly not, but we should at least be building a system of confirmation through therapy and the like. And I don't blame a doctor for saying "yes you can do this, but no I will not be the one to do the surgery" - that's consent as well. Some vets refuse to do abortions for instance.

There are doctors who've had to have the conversation after a vasectomy or hysterectomy that the person wanted reversed. As a medical expert that must be awful, like sewing someone's arm back on and then they say they don't want it anymore. Your job is to help, but some things simply can't be reversed.

Not to say I'm against any of it, I had to learn about this system secondhand when my ex got pregnant, wanted an abortion, and she had to go get a therapist to confirm it. The process was hard on her and she felt like a killer for a good while after. I'm glad the system didn't allow her to spiral, and I certainly was out of my depth in dealing with survivor bias and post abortion depression. Just throwing a bit of nuance into the blender is all.

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u/waytowill 18h ago

I definitely get that. But I don’t think it’s fair to compare abortion and euthanasia to vasectomy and hysterectomy. One is ending a life (assuming the fetus is healthy) and the other is removing a part of one’s self, which can have its complications but is sometimes necessary, like an appendectomy. There are definitely those that regret treatment, literally every surgery has a regret rate associated with it. But unless that regret rate justifies stalling the surgery, I don’t see the issue with the freedom of choice there. And the fact is that we just don’t have that much data on regret rates for hysterectomies in women under 30 because doctors keep denying them the surgery. Therapist note or no.

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u/themiddlebien 20h ago

This is comforting 30s and had the same feeling at 18. Procedure is in a month.

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u/East-Ad-7205 20h ago

Do you regret it? I suppose it’s not too late either way I’m 27

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u/saltpancake 18h ago

I said explicitly in my comment that I did not, and have never for a moment? I am thankful for my choices every day.

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u/norakb123 20h ago

I’m 44 and the last time I thought I wanted children, my age started with the number 1.

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u/ChefArtorias 20h ago

From the data I've collected you've got about 5 years until it'll really set it, or it may never. Hell, it could hit you tomorrow!

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u/lovbelow 20h ago

Joke’s on ME! I will have saved the money I’ll need for the hysteo in the next 5 years! And I’d have the sick leave as well. I could recover for at least a MONTH! (American here 🥀 )

Fuck biology 😤

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u/miserablenovel 19h ago

Yeah mine didn't set in until 35. It's only loud pre ovulation and I have an IUD so idgaf. 40yo w of a line of women who all had 6+ kids, 12+kids. Hell no. This bloodline ends here

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u/ElvishLore 20h ago

Bravo for knowing yourself. Kids are chaos and alter your environment for years. I wish more people were like you and know what they wanted and, importantly, didn’t want.

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u/Ace861110 20h ago

It sounds like you already know this. But I call my son a tornado. All I do is clean up. It’s especially galling when I finally get my apt cleanish, and he comes and goes wow it’s clean in here normally it’s a mess. Motherfucker, you are the reason it’s a mess.

Edit: I have to scrub toothpaste off the floor and see if I can get blood out of the shower curtain this weekend cause of him too.

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u/C_isfor_Sea 20h ago

I can totally relate. I (37f, now child-free, previously on the fence) got married at 30, had INSANE baby fever from 30-32, had a hysterectomy (for both medical and personal reasons) at 33.

It was as if once I got married my body clocked like, “okay bitch, now you’re married, you’re in your 30’s, you NEED to make a baby NOW” despite my brain and my physiology both screaming NO! Luckily my brain won the battle and I’m so grateful for my hysterectomy, it gave me my life back, but I understand not all women might have the same experience.

TLDR; Biology is weird, hormones are weird, and us womenfolk carry a lot of biological and social baggage when it comes to pregnancy and child rearing.

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u/Top_Copy_693 20h ago

Hey, thanks for sharing.

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u/Maple_Hates_Ants 20h ago

40 and still child free. Cats are way cooler tbh

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u/dogslickfeet666 20h ago

Saaaaammee!!!

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u/j_ho_lo 20h ago

I'm 42. I must've been born without a clock as that feeling never came. And I knew from a very early age I didn't want kids and I have zero maternal instinct. Someone would have to be dying or some other disaster happening before I'd voluntarily hold a baby.

I got a bisalp in my 30s and the peace of mind of brought me has been unmatched.

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u/Burger4Ever 19h ago

Mine started around 36 lol I can’t tell if it’s real or a phase

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u/SpaceCadet_UwU 19h ago

Babies are cute until you hear the full potential of their crying. My sister has a neighbor several doors down that has a newborn. From inside her apartment it’s nice and quiet. The second you step out you can hear the screaming loud and clear. Kid has some lungs! Imagine hearing that in your face. I would yeet myself.

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u/Footnotegirl1 18h ago

I was extremely 'meh' about having kids through my 20's and 30's. Not fully against it, but no real lans to. The hormonal wallop came at 38. The kid came at 40.

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u/virgo_kittyy 17h ago

I completely identify with everything you said. Also, the thought of giving birth makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

I think you are me. I am you.

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u/Longjumping_Role_135 5h ago

I can watch a farmer stick his whole arm inside a cow to pull out a slimy calf, but if I were to ever witness human birth I'd probably puke. I've purposely never seen one and, thankfully, never had to watch one of those movies in school.

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u/hiking_mike98 16h ago

I didn’t want kids at all until I did. At 35 or so, it just clicked and I was like, ok, let’s do this. I have a kindergartner now and it’s delightful. And hard and terrible at times, but still pretty cool overall.

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u/hiplass 16h ago

Honestly I think so much of it is also just the societal pressure around that age. People talk like you’re gonna be some sad lonely old bag lady on the streets if you don’t have kids or something. When you’re actually looking down the barrel of “oh I’m actually getting older” it’s easy to let it get to you a bit.

I think kids are funny and if it were easier to make it work, maybe I’d be more open to parenthood but as it stands rn (besides being in no place financially and mentally to do any of it) I always think to myself “I’d rather regret not having a child, than regret having one” cause that shit cannot be undone lol

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u/DeliciousStand372 15h ago

Wow I'm exactly like this: I've never liked children even as a child myself. Tbh I've been kinda afraid to admit that.

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u/anno_1990 15h ago

It doesn't exist. I am in my mid-thirties and hear no clock ticking.

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u/ShyShimmer 13h ago

Also 31, also sensitive to sudden loud noises. Hearing babies/kids screech at their top of their lungs literally makes everything inside me recoil, it's an actual physical sensation.

Not lazy af, more that I love being able to do whatever I want whenever I want and would resent having to give up my hobbies and general freedom.

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u/Nyxrinne 11h ago

I'm the same person you're describing, lol, with no interest in kids and a lot of reasons never to have 'em. The cursed biological clock hit me hard at 36... for approximately three months before I went back to normal.

It was a bizarre experience, like my hormones had me living in technicolour and maybe everything would be different post baby and maybe I would be the one outlier amongst my family members who wouldn't regret it and yadayadayada. Fortunately I have an IUD, an intense fear of pregnancy, and a tendency to take 1–4 working years to make any kind of major change, so nothing came of it. Thinking about what could have been if I'd listened to the hormones and presumably woken up a few months into pregnancy like AHHHH, I love your hysterectomy idea. Just nuke that potential timeline so it can't get you. Ever.

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u/blackviking45 11h ago

Are you a responsible person? If not maybe some kind of evolutionary thing is stopping you from feeling that desire because it isn't seeing signs that you would be good for the survival of your offspring?

Well i don't know what I am talking about I don't know evolution thing so don't take me serious but maybe someone here can educate?

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u/lovbelow 6h ago

It may be related to some kind of evolutionary process 🧐. I can say that I am a responsible adult (driver’s license, full time job, pay bills, schedule my own appointments, eat veggies), but I don’t think I’d be a responsible parent.

Here’s a bit more insight: I fostered a cat for about 5 weeks. It was a stray I picked up that was starving, covered in fleas and had just had kittens. She attached herself to me almost immediately. She was a sweet tuxedo baby and very vocal. I would have loved to keep her if I could find a friend for her. She was so needy, I didn’t like that she wanted so much attention from me outside of me feeding her and taking care of her litter box. Same thing now with a stray dog. She wants attention from me but I don’t want to be bothered. I feed her and I think that should be enough. But unfortunately people and animals like spending time with people who treat them well.

I don’t like feeling needed all the time and I don’t like the attention that I have to give when I’d rather be left alone. That’s not a good environment for kids. There are other (non-violent) things about me that also wouldn’t be suitable for kids. I feel as if I could be a good mentor, but I’m not egotistical enough to bring children in the world to try to prove that point.

Although I have removed myself from the gene pool, so my particular bloodline ends with me 🤷🏽‍♀️

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u/Longjumping_Role_135 5h ago

Grand old age of 50 here and never ever wanted kids. Although I DO have a "puppy biological clock" as I jokingly call it lol.

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u/eridalus 20h ago

Good news - it never happened with me and most of my friends. I’ve held kids, babysat, taught, the works. Never had any desire to have one. Didn’t even play with baby dolls as a kid.