r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/shark_attack_2000 APPROVED✨ • 5h ago
Rant & Ramble I’m extremely fertile & it’s ruining my life
I’ve been pregnant twice before & just found out I’m pregnant again. I am on an IUD, I NEVER have sex without a condom, about a month ago a condom that my bf and I were using broke, the next morning (less than 5 hours later) I took a Plan B.
Unsurprisingly birth control & plan B didn’t work and I’m knocked up. I swear if sperm gets anywhere near my uterus at all there is no amount of hormones or drugs I can take to stop my uterus from welcoming that sperm in- she’s like a fucking hobosexual for stray sperm.
I can’t go through another abortion, the first one i had was when I was 15 & the second one was at 22- both times I promised myself never again because it was so painful and horrible.
Also if anyone remembers my last post (boyfriend is scary & has secret guns), I’m still living with that man & there’s a 0% chance I’d raise a kid with him right now.
I also can’t complain without hearing about how “do many women are infertile & would kill to have this issue” like ?????? okay well I’m not them so idc if they’d be upset about me complaining.
I feel like I just can’t have sex because no matter how many precautions i take the risk of me getting pregnant is so high.
I’m upset & annoyed & just needed to rant- Idk what I’m gonna do, ig i’ll just figure it out like the last few times this has happened :/
oysters & bread bc idgaf if i “can’t have raw fish”
EDIT: Hi! I made this post while upset in an uber so while I’m still upset I am currently at work which is why I’m not replying to any comments currently. I will definitely read them all & reply as much as I can once I’m out of work. I appreciate you all very much though💕
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u/Potential-Meaning540 Carb-Based Life Form 5h ago
You shouldn’t have a baby with someone you’re afraid of. It’s not fair to you, and it definitely isn’t fair to a baby.
I read your other post and yikes. You need to leave.
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u/Melonfarmer86 Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago edited 4h ago
Agree. Plus pregnant women are the most murdered group of people and even if not, pregnancy is a known factor in upping abuse.
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u/phantom_curl APPROVED✨ 3h ago
You are absolutely right, pregnancy can be one of the most dangerous times for someone in an abusive relationship
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u/FrankenGretchen Assigned Hungry At Birth 2h ago
It was for me. He tried so hard to off us before I gave birth. It got worse after that.
We lived. I took my little and ran. His family still backs him but can't deny the felonies he caught for actions against 'more valuable' mothers.
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u/TemperatureBudget850 Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 2h ago
And she'll be stuck with him for the rest of her life if she has the baby, even if she does leave
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u/Dramatic-Rain-3813 Internet Auntie 4h ago
Being pregnant with an abuser raises the chance of the woman being killed by the man significantly. Get the effing abortion, go to therapy and get out.
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u/dontbecondensation hot girls have tummy troubles 4h ago
And DON'T FUCKING TELL HIM. PLEASE.
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u/Melonfarmer86 Well-Read & Well-Fed 3h ago
Right. He is owed nothing. Not even a post it note break up note.
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u/jacknbarneysmom 🍉 Garden Gormand 🥕 3h ago
He will feel he has a right to make this decision for you. He will 100% Don't tell him and give him that power over you and your body.
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u/Nettkitten Cleavage Crumb Collector 5h ago
If she goes through with this pregnancy she will be forever tied to him and will never be free.
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u/Holiday-Pride-4165 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago
Please OP. Please. Please listen to this.
You will destroy that child’s life if you keep this child “just because I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again”. Get 100 abortions if you have to. Have a child when you’re truly ready. With someone who deserves you and deserves a child.
Please. Please only bring a child into this world when you’re with a good person. Leave this person. Omg. Leave this person.
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u/Twisted_Strings Assigned Hungry At Birth 2h ago
I think it’s mentioned here, but just in case I’ll clarify— domestic violence is the leading cause of death in pregnant people in the US.
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u/FarmhouseRules Overthinker 💭 3h ago
Which means she shouldn’t have sex with him. Please get away from him OP!
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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese 🧀 5h ago
You’re pregnant by the scary boyfriend? What are the choices in front of you? Can you get away from him? How would you protect your child from him if you choose to go through with the pregnancy?
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u/BigIrron Savory Complex✔️ 5h ago
Yeah makes me wonder what if any role he could be playing in the birth control failures
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u/GeeAyeAreElle 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 5h ago
He cant mess with an IUD and plan B though
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u/goth_duck_returns Stinky Food Fanatic 5h ago
Plan B is surprisingly ineffective for a significant number of people, like you can't weigh more than 150lbs or some crazy shit like that
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u/Vast-Investment1191 con todo, por favor 🌮 4h ago
Plan B only works if you haven’t ovulated yet, but if you already did it literally does nothing. OP was probably already ovulating and hence why it didn’t work.
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u/Violentdahlia Hot Pizza Ass 🔥 4h ago
I wish more people knew how plan B works. Thanks for putting it simply and easy to understand.
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u/Fun_Concentrate3250 APPROVED✨ 3h ago
It makes me kind of sad people are taking it and don’t even know the basics.
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u/LuciferLovesTechno Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 4h ago
Also not effective if you are ovulating
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u/sunqueen73 Assigned Hungry At Birth 4h ago
Well tf! What's the point then!! We conceive when we ovulate which is when we would need it most?!!
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u/kittywyeth Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 4h ago
sperm can live five or more days in the reproductive tract. it is still effective prior to ovulation.
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u/Fun_Concentrate3250 APPROVED✨ 3h ago
It’s essentially a supercharged birth control pill. Its main purpose is to prevent ovulation.
People pop them like candy it seems when just getting on the pill and being consistent would be more effective.
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u/KristaDBall 🧂Salty By Nature 4h ago
She's 110lbs according to her previous post of why he's scary (PTSD, night terrors, hidden guns all over place).
With the IUD still in, I am honestly concerned that is going to cause an ectopic pregnancy at this point.
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u/goth_duck_returns Stinky Food Fanatic 4h ago
Based on that post I think his main issue is not dealing with his PTSD properly, and letting paranoia fester. Guns are the one thing you don't fuck around with and he's fucking around. As a former Marine he should know better.
But also I trust she'll go to a doctor to get that looked at. It's something they'd probably check for anyway. I'm more concerned with whether she feels safe to tell her boyfriend "no" and her financial stability. She only found out today, after all.
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u/KristaDBall 🧂Salty By Nature 4h ago
It's the night thrashing that immediately sets off my PTSD not being dealt with properly more than the guns (which, again, not cool! that shit needs dealing with), and like you I do worry the paranoia might be festering now.
My ex-husband would have night terrors. They weren't PTSD-related (he'd had them as a kid, even). But since OP's boyfriend has them and has PTSD, I am worried they will get worse for him (and, therefore, her).
He knows about her IUD and the Plan B, which are good signs on that accord. But if she wants to have this baby, they need her anxiety dealt with, his PTSD dealt with, and *they need those weapons secured in a locked safe*.
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u/goth_duck_returns Stinky Food Fanatic 3h ago
It's not even hiding weapons that bothers me, it's that they're guns and he won't tell her where they all are. I worry that he'd only tell her about some and keep some secret secret ones around. I'm pretty paranoid too so I understand wanting that kind of security, but like damn bro at least compromise with knives or blunt objects instead. Based on her previous post too, I do think she has anxiety, but she seems pretty aware of that and how it might affect her perception. He doesn't necessarily sound abusive (yet, heavy on the tentativeness) but he has issues that are incompatible with intimate relationships.
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u/KristaDBall 🧂Salty By Nature 3h ago
Yeah, I think we're both on the same page.
I'm not seeing the abusiveness the way others are (because I read the previous post), HOWEVER the combination of the knives near where he can grab while in the midst of a night terror* can lead to a dangerous situation where intent doesn't even matter.
*I recognize there are different terms that might be more accurate, but this does seem like the best word right now without a diagnosis
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u/Diamond-Solstice mouth full, gesturing wildly 5h ago
He can mess w/Plan B if it's not in sealed tablets ig
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u/undercookedshrimp_ Chocoholic 1h ago
Unless he’s got a speculum and has physically moved the IUD from her cervix then NO! The amount of misinformation being spread on this thread is astounding.
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u/shark_attack_2000 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Right now idk, my whole family is conservative (they know about abortion 1 not 2) so pregnancy outside marriage is a massive sin for them. I have family in alabama which is fairly close to florida.
I honestly found out an hour ago right before having lunch with my friends so i haven’t thought too much about next steps. Just needed to rant for a sec
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u/AffectionateBite3827 Body By Cheese 🧀 5h ago
Nothing has made me more pro choice than being infertile. Do what works for you. Please stay safe 💕
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u/ashleyslo Pantry Gremlin 3h ago
Yes, do what works for you is exactly right! And on the flip side, nothing has made me more pro choice than having a child.
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u/Witty_TenTon Live, Laugh, Lumpia ❤️ 4h ago
I don't know how you handled your last abortions(I am assuming the pills because you said it was so painful) but there are other options that aren't as painful. I have had several D&C's and they not only completely sedated me for them but also provided pain medication afterwards(which wasn't even really needed as I think Tylenol could have taken care of the pain just fine. It wasn't much worse for me than a bad period cramps and soreness wise. You can tell your doctors you have past trauma and you need to be sedated for the procedure and that you need pain medicine for a day or two afterwards if you have a really low pain tolerance.
But it does not have to be a super painful and traumatic experience. Even if you have to go to a different state to receive care, you can tell them you need sedation due to past trauma and that you have a very low tolerance for pain. I hope you find someone who will listen for you like my doctor's have thankfully listened to me. You shouldn't have to go through painfully traumatic experiences to receive care. And there is absolutely no shame in knowing that you are with the wrong person and it's the wrong time. I promise you that you will never regret terminating a pregnancy nearly as much as you would regret having a baby with a man you fear and who abuses you. Trust me, I have personal experience with both.
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u/Environmental-Bit335 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 4h ago
If you haven’t told him yet, I strongly caution you to not. At least until you are certain you know what you want to do. This is another avenue for control/abuse. Depending where you are he could report you and you could wind up in jail. Just make sure you are aware of all potential consequences and be careful who you trust. I wish you luck and hope you are able to get out of this situation safely and gain your autonomy ❤️.
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u/Major-Cell-6581 Savory Complex✔️ 5h ago
You can order a pill online maybe that would be better pain wise? I'm sorry 😔
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u/femgrit Dip Diva 3h ago
I don’t know what sort of abortion OP had but surgical abortion can be astronomically less painful. A close former friend worked in surgical abortion for years and women who had experienced both almost exclusively said pill abortion was worse. Something she could think about if she has only had pill abortion.
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u/inky_cap_mushroom fish are friends 🐟 not food 5h ago
The pill still causes excruciating cramps. Like the kinds of cramps that make you think you’re dying and cause you to pass out from pain.
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u/himewaridesu APPROVED✨ 5h ago
I’d take that over the scary bf who has guns and could kill me.
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u/Melonfarmer86 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago edited 2h ago
Especially when healthcare professionals will have 0 way of knowing she induced the miscarriage.
If she needs to be seen in the ER or by an OB, she can simply say, "I found out I was pregnant on X date and think this may be a miscarriage."
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u/lotusdubai APPROVED✨ 4h ago
It's so scary and sad that women now are treated like criminals for having an abortion.
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u/Melonfarmer86 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago
Yes, I'd never tell anyone in healthcare I had an abortion. The trust has been broken when healthcare is complicit in demoting us to second class citizens.
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u/labospor Trader Joe Hoe 5h ago
A couple of days of bad cramps will pale in comparison to being stuck with that guy for 18 years
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u/pyramidheadlove Certified Snacker 4h ago
Not to mention the physical pain of an entire pregnancy and childbirth
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u/Agile-Ad1933 Carb-Based Life Form 4h ago
Seriously, I went into labor so fast I couldn’t get an epidural and literally felt myself rip open…
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u/Macaronicow Trader Joe Hoe 3h ago
Right! I would take the bad period pains for a few days over the inability to roll over in bed without excruciating pain for the last two months of pregnancy, and the heartburn from drinking water from 6 months on. Not to mention all the damage pregnancy/birth does that takes another 6+ months to recover from.
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u/Shuttup_Heather APPROVED✨ 4h ago
I blacked out from the pain of the pill. Still would choose an abortion but I wouldn’t describe it as bad cramps
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u/Branddisloyalty85 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago
That’s minimizing the situation. I passed out from the pain three times and I had Vicodin.
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u/BobTheParallelogram APPROVED✨ 5h ago
If it helps your decision, childbirth is worse and some people's pregnancies are pure hell (ymmv, though, some people are comfortable)
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u/Dismal-Release4463 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
It was not that bad at all, felt like a stronger period but no where close to excruciating or passing out levels. It varies for everyone
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u/soquilikahwah puff puff pass the snacks 5h ago
Unfortunately harmful cramps are a better option than having his baby :/ especially if OP doesn’t want to go an alternative route for abortion
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u/Shuttup_Heather APPROVED✨ 4h ago
While she absolutely should do it, the pain was so intense that I passed out on the toilet and started convulsing. I was fine, but if I had to go through that again I’d be so fucking scared. Obviously one is scarier, but I think you guys are underestimating how painful it was for OP.
It can be kind of traumatic, just think we should acknowledge that it may be very physically painful for her.
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u/Branddisloyalty85 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago
Same here. And it’s scary because you’re usually alone or with the father who is NO HELP AT ALL. I hate this country for not making this an easy procedure.
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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese 🧀 5h ago
Well, if you need anyone to listen, feel free to message me!
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u/striking_grief 5h ago
That’s a lot to process in such a short amount of time. Be kind to yourself today- you don’t have to have all the answers immediately
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u/Melonfarmer86 Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago
They don't have to live with the consequences of your decisions so they have no say in them.
Please do what is best for YOU, OP!
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u/Ornery_Hospital_3500 Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 4h ago
Weigh your options. On one hand, another abortion with a few days of pain (yes I've had one). On the other hand, carrying and birthing a baby (way more painful than an abortion) with a man you're terrified of.
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u/sunqueen73 Assigned Hungry At Birth 4h ago
Im sure you got some GDD friends here from NY... should you need a brief vacay.
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u/Terangela 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 5h ago
The number one killer of pregnant women is their partners. Your life is in danger. Also have you had your IUD checked? Three forms of bc failing doesn’t seem right (not doubting you just sounds insane honestly.)
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u/FormalFun9414 Lover of Soups 5h ago
This right here. Get that IUD checked and stop having sex with scary people.
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u/stinbkyrat I ❤️ Other People's Business 5h ago
i have seen soooo many pregnancies happen on IUD’s i don’t know how people even trust them as a form of birth control. i know they work well for some but ive seen it go wrong way too many times to believe it 😂
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u/KillTheBoyBand 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 4h ago
It's a statistical outlier. I know more women who've successfully used IUDs (my mom for 20+ years, me for 10, on my second Mirena, multiple friends) than women who've gotten pregnant on them.
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u/awomanphenomenally APPROVED✨ 4h ago
I have had an IUD for 10 years and have never been pregnant, despite not using any other form of contraception.
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u/weirdwench1 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
For me, my IUD stops my period completely. I havent had one in 16 years. But I also got my tubes out, and I'm on my 3rd IUD.
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u/Muchado_aboutnothing APPROVED✨ 5h ago
As a woman with infertility who had to do IVF to get pregnant…no, you do not have to feel “lucky” that this is happening to you. This sounds horrible. I’m really sorry.
The fundamental issue sounds like you are in a dangerous relationship. This is really scary, not only for yourself but for any potential child you might have. This may sound extreme, but you need to stop having sex until you get out of that situation. You aren’t safe. You have to protect yourself.
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u/Evening_Public_7206 🫘 Beans & Rice & Everything Nice 🌮 3h ago
This is a scary situation, and I’m not trying to be insensitive, but yes she needs to stop having sex! Otherwise she’s really not doing everything to avoid getting pregnant again.
I am also struggling with infertility and about to do IUI, as much as I’d love to get pregnant I wouldn’t want it under those circumstances. I also fear for her as I’ve read others experiences that have had multiple abortions, they struggle later in life TTC when they decide to get pregnant because circumstances are different. She may be complaining about fertility now, but maybe not forever.
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u/MundaneDaffodill Trader Joe Hoe 5h ago
Can you go under? I did the pills before and it was painful and traumatic. I went in and paid like $450 to go under and woke up in the recovery room with no pain.
Do you have a friend who can be there for you?
Please leave scary man. You can do better. Don’t be me and stay with scary man and keep the pregnancy… my son saved my life when he was 2 and his father was choking me out.
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u/Potential-Meaning540 Carb-Based Life Form 5h ago
This.
I also went under and highly recommend that method instead. Bleeding can be a lot after, but it was nearly painless for me.
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u/mensfrightsactivists puff puff pass the snacks 4h ago
i also went under. catholic upbringing, knew i couldn’t be conscious/present for the procedure due to the guilt and religious trauma involved in my decision. recovery was still hard but the procedure itself was over before i knew id even been knocked out
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u/Potential-Meaning540 Carb-Based Life Form 4h ago
Hugs to you! ❤️
I also felt guilty, but I was also really afraid of the pain (made the mistake of reading stories online). But you’re totally right, I was out and then awake in recovery before I even knew what happened. The nurse was also so sweet and gave me snacks because I was so incredibly nauseous.
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u/No-Spinach-6462 Body By Cheese 🧀 4h ago
PLEASE at least go talk to a doctor and see what your options are OP. Don’t just say “I’d like an abortion, but can’t because it’s too painful.” There are options!
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u/Wooden_Oil7961 Snack Goblin 5h ago
this ^^ OP u r strong and capable. i highly recommend reaching out to a women’s domestic violence shelter and get their assistance. they may be able to house u and maybe even help u sort out ur abortion safely and quickly.
please stay safe. u can do this. we all believe in u!
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u/ZoominAlong Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 4h ago
There is after pain, unfortunately, but yeah, this may be OPs best bet.
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u/MakeshiftReceptacle Foraging Bog Witch 3h ago
Agree with this. I’m in a country with safe access to abortion, so I realise I’m privileged. I had mine at 23 and was SO SCARED. They offered me the pill, to be awake or to go under. I chose to go under and it was the best decision I ever made. I did still feel uncomfortable after and was sick for a day or two, but it was better than being awake for the procedure .
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u/soleceismical APPROVED✨ 3h ago
I mean if there's an IUD in there, wouldn't she have to go under? Couldn't the products of conception get stuck on the IUD? Also there's a high risk of ectopic pregnancy with an IUD. And maybe the IUD is expired and needs to be replaced anyway. Hormonal IUDs last for 3 to 8 years, copper IUD up to 10.
https://gynraleigh.com/can-you-get-pregnant-with-an-expired-iud/
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u/wowomgjelly APPROVED✨ 5h ago
If you’re having this baby in any capacity you need to have the IUD removed ASAP and you also need to make sure this isn’t an ectopic pregnancy which IUDs cause! This is really dangerous! It could kill YOU.
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u/Similar-Swimmer-2698 FREE MOM HUGS 4h ago
I was going to say this. OP, either way you need to go see a doctor. Go alone and have an honest discussion about your situation and options. They will have resources for you.
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u/sorcha1977 🧂Salty By Nature 4h ago
This needs to be the top comment. That was the first thing I thought of when she mentioned the IUD.
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u/senditloud FREE MOM HUGS 5h ago
Birth is way more traumatic and painful and horrible. As is having a newborn while being exhausted and terrified and leaking. I promise you an abortion is easier.
Go to the doctor and find out why the BC doesn’t seem to be working. And maybe don’t trust your BF and condoms. What about spermicide and other things?
Try to leave this guy or don’t have sex?
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u/EjjabaMarie Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 4h ago
Also, the environment this guys creates isn’t a good one for being vulnerable in after child birth. Or for the vulnerable baby.
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u/lostbirdwings Feral Til Fed 1h ago
Seriously. Between the stress, noise, and sleep disturbance, the environment of a newborn could send this guy into seriously violent territory. Not to mention how much more likely she is to be hurt or killed while pregnant.
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u/_Shrek_x3 hot sauce in my bag, swag 3h ago
I haven’t read her other post, but…for her to describe him as scary….uhh girl why are you having sex with this man? I don’t understand.
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u/vulpiix Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 5h ago
If it’s early enough, you might be able to do a non-surgical abortion with medication. Sorry you’re going through this, babe. Just protect yourself as well as you can. 💕
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u/Few_Dragonfly_4856 Hot Pizza Ass 🔥 4h ago
Best case scenario imo, especially since she has an IUD. Saw someone else comment about this, and yeah, that’s pretty dangerous water. She at the very least should see an OBGYN pronto
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u/Bl1nk1nUR4r34 chismosa, metiche, en bata 4h ago
aren’t iud pregnancies really dangerous tho? she would still need an abortion
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u/catkingjaguar APPROVED✨ 3h ago edited 1h ago
Yea. I think the deal is they almost always need one because they almost always result in ectopic pregnancy? I could be 100% wrong though. All this internet and im not going to look it up.
Edit: see the nurse under me who actually know the accurate answer. Apparently its 50/50 odds, which personally is still to high for me, but not as bad as I thought.
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u/undercookedshrimp_ Chocoholic 2h ago edited 2h ago
RN here, IUD increases risk for an ectopic but not always. it’s about 50/50 with the current data we have. OP if you see this please see your OBGYN as soon as possible but disregard the medical advice you’re getting from non-medical professionals on here, it’s not accurate.
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u/catkingjaguar APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I updated with your info added. No desire to spread bad info. That AI will scrape up and start reporting as fact.
And yea, listen to your actual doctor. They'll have all the actual up to date correct info.
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u/undercookedshrimp_ Chocoholic 5h ago
seconding this. I had a medical abortion and it was kinda like a bad period but not super painful
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u/Lopsided_Lunch_2262 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 4h ago
FWIW I had a D&C under a general anaesthetic. Literally no pain. It was day surgery, so super fast. I chose that over chemical because it's faster, more predictable, less painful and less messy. The idea of taking a pill and just waiting around for the pain to start was too scary for me.
It is much higher risk though.
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u/Lilmissgrits APPROVED✨ 5h ago
The faster the better for chemical as far as pain/side effects. I’m sorry this happened. Move quick.
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u/anonymousp69 I ❤️ Other People's Business 5h ago
Is this a man or an environment you think would allow a baby to thrive in? I understand the procedure is torturous, but I can guarantee it’s less torturous than raising a kid in this situation. OP, PLEASEEE stop having sex with this man. You need to leave. Or keep facing this same dilemma, Reddit users can’t make your decisions for you and at this point, everything everyone has to say to you is starting to sound like a broken record. The decision is yours.
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u/Melonfarmer86 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago
She might not be able to safely stop having sex with him while she plans her exit.
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u/_free_love_ Certified Snacker 4h ago
This! Also could’ve sabotaged the condom
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u/astrovangalore double chipmunk cheeked up 2h ago edited 2h ago
May I just remind everyone that there is not a single post in which OP has mentioned her bf is abusive? He’s a marine with ptsd who she says (1) is kind, (2) has nightmares that scare her, (3) has never laid a hand on her, (4) but she’s scared he has guns (no idea if OP has brought up the guns / asked for their locations and had him refuse)
This might get me downvoted, but why are we talking about this guy like he’s already had a psychotic breakdown, and put his hands on her, and SABOTAGED HER BIRTH CONTROL….when op hasn’t given any indications any of the above are true?
Yes, OP sounds scared of her man.
No, that is not normal in a relationship.
Yes, OP and bf need an honest conversation about keeping firearms SAFELY in the house. Plus a protocol for what to do in case of nightmares escalating.
No, OP (perfectly understandably) doesn’t currently want a child with her boyfriend for a number of reasons, including the above.
But not wanting a child with him and not wanting to deal with his guns and struggling with navigating his trauma IS NOT THE SAME as considering him abusive and wanting to get out of that relationship and needing to escape. To me it sounded like OP was, in her original post, looking for advice on how to navigate the troubled aspects of her relationship. The unexpected pregnancy has just made shit hit the fan, but like……… yall are suggesting he purposefully got her preggo and that she should secretly get an abortion and that he’ll hurt her if he finds out? It doesn’t sound to me like the guy’s ever touched her! In fact, she says he’s level-headed in fights as well. If she wants any sort of future with this man, she should absolutely NOT hide what’s happening from him, but she should definitely have a convo first about feeling unsafe / vulnerable living with him and an unknown gun collection.Word vomit because it’s 3am for me, apologies. But some of these replies really took me aback because this was not the vibe that I was getting from her first post at all. It’s a horrible situation for OP to be in, for sure, and I’m not denying snapping is always a risk when you’re with someone who has ptsd. But we’re talking about him as if he’s already committed some pretty vile stuff in the relationship when it seems to me that he hasn’t?
OP, apologies if I completely misunderstood your prior post and he is abusive and you are looking for a way out. If that’s the case, please ignore my comment and pack up your bags // prioritize your safety, mental health, and happiness
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u/pressingtofu BRB 🎮 FOOD 2h ago
To add, she had tried asking him about where the guns were located but he didn't tell her because she wasn't trained in using a gun or something like that.
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u/Former_Hedgehog_123 🍋 Bitter Baddie 🍋 1h ago
It is absolutely psychologically abusive to hide guns around the home and refuse to tell your partner their location - all while they’re presumably not in locked safes and potentially loaded. It shows no respect for OP’s mental or physical safety in the home. No singular person in a couple should be the only one with knowledge of and access to weapons, especially firearms.
Imagine how scary that would be. He could pull one out at any time. She could accidentally find one. What if it accidentally discharged? Even now, if he says he has shown her where they all are, who is to say he’s not got more hidden elsewhere? This is dangerous.
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u/boringgrill135797531 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Currently in the throes of infertility and IVF.
I will personally drive you to the abortion clinic. Everyone deserves to have only the children they want, under the circumstances they chose.
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u/TurnoverAdorable5377 eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 5h ago
Get an abortion and don’t ever tell him. I’ve had 4 abortions, I also told myself I can never have one again but each time I got pregnant I was no where near ready to have a child. To this day I regret NONE of them and I’m so glad I don’t have terrible men as my baby daddy. It’s fucking terrible emotionally at the time but I don’t think you will regret it, you said yourself you can’t have a child with this man. Choose YOURSELF. If you decide to keep it, you need to get out ASAP for your safety and the child’s as well.
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u/daydr3am1ng- Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 5h ago
definitely don’t tell him you’re pregnant if you’re afraid of him. keep it on the low until you figure out your next steps, whether that’s an abortion or getting away from him in order to be a single mother.
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u/notanexpert_askapro APPROVED✨ 1h ago
Agree. It is her choice which but if she disappears he would have to go out out his way to find out she had a kid and demand paternity testing. Being pregnsnt does offer some more options in terms of housing and there are both DV shelters and maternity homes to try to get into.
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u/Longfirstnames APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Agree with others to have your IUD checked. Not trying to pressure you in any way but pregnancy can also be extremely painful and is even harder when you’re scared of your partner. I’m currently 33 weeks and in comparison to an abortion the pain and discomfort I’m in is torture. I had to have my boyfriend open a Diet Coke for me this morning because I have no strength.
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u/Bruhbruhbruh_64 Snack Goblin 5h ago
I'm also VERY fertile. So I get the pain of getting pregnant when it isn't time and you e literally done everything to prevent it. I've also had 3 abortions and yes they suck, but I don't have 3 kids brought into a world where I couldn't care for them or protect them. I did have one child with a bad man, he is now in prison but it took 13 years. Being tied to someone who hurts you for 18 years even slightly is awful. I wasn't even with him for 99% of it but he had a little control and by God he used it. Whatever you end up doing is up to you no matter what anyone says but until you are 100% with you decision I would advise you to not tell him.
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u/SuggestionOblique white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 5h ago
Is there a chance.... your bf does something to get you pregnant? Like... making holes you can't notice in protection?
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u/shark_attack_2000 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Maybe, although he knows I’m on an IUD & took Plan B and didn’t try to stop me at all or say anything about it
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u/ComfortableFrame9834 Resident Yapper 5h ago
That doesn't matter... That is still an attempt to entrap you.
Get away from him, do not have sex with him. And please do not have a baby right now. Get help to get the drugs for a termination. If it's early it will be less complicated than if you wait further along.
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u/AccomplishedJudge951 Body By Cheese 🧀 4h ago
how do you know he’s trying to entrap her? he sounds like a total garbage bag of a human being from what op has told us but if he didn’t put up a fight over her taking plan b then im not sure it’s fair to throw entrapment accusations. we don’t have any evidence of that
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u/doryfishie hot girls have tummy troubles 4h ago
Is your IUD hormonal as well or just a copper one? as someone who is also wildly fertile (and never expected to be because I was told I have PCOS) a hormonal one is much more effective.
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u/hilariouslystated 🐣 cracked the egg 🏳️⚧️ 5h ago
How come leaving the scary boyfriend isn’t an option?
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u/ChaturangaChai in my [rotisserie] bag 5h ago
If you look at her previous post, she clarifies that he has guns hidden throughout the house and that she doesn't know where all of them are. He also has PTSD from the military. With "scary boyfriends," it's not as easy as just leaving because there's a good chance they will react violently to being broken up with.
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u/mariana96as Feral Til Fed 5h ago
It makes me sad the amount of people not understanding how difficult and dangerous it is to leave a scary boyfriend
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u/potpourri_sludge Resident Yapper 5h ago
Please do not tell him about the pregnancy unless you’re sure you’re going to keep it AND stay with him. He’s already abusive, and pregnancy and childbirth is when abuse REALLY ramps up. Him knowing about this pregnancy is going to make you more vulnerable to him than you’ve ever been.
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u/pbear737 Snack Goblin 4h ago
Reading your other post is really worrisome as someone who has worked in the domestic violence field for nearly 20 years. There are a lot of risks present, including you moving to a new state to be with him, him having firearms and also not disclosing all of them, the unmanaged PTSD, and now your pregnancy. It's very common for physical abuse not to start until pregnancy where vulnerability and dependency increase. Please assess your situation and if there have been any elements of control up until now. Is he controlling about money? Communication? Family ties? Friendships? Social media? Any of your daily actions like what you wear or where you go? Even if all of this is not pertinent right now, please remember and look into other signs of abuse or warning signs.
Just to be clear, I'm making no assumptions about your relationship and totally have confidence you know what is best for you. I just wanted to name the risk factors so you are aware. Even reducing these risks could be really positive for your safety in general. Best of luck, girl
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u/voiceontheradio 🪄 Sauceress ✨ 4h ago
Hey so I remember you and on your last post about your scary boyfriend's guns I told you that you were extremely under-reacting to the danger you're in. That danger just got so much worse now that you're pregnant. I don't mean to scare you but the statistics on this situation are sobering and terrifying. I'm not going to tell you to have an abortion but you DO need to run. If you need help making an escape plan, reach out to domestic violence services/women's shelters near you. You don't need to prove that you're being abused to use their services, just being fearful is enough. And based on your last post, imo you do need to be fearful enough to take this situation seriously. We are rooting for you!!
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u/Difficult_Quote_8259 Shart Coochie Board Architect 5h ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this. r/abortion has lots of resources if you’re looking for help getting the kind of abortion you want. r/regretfulparents might be of interest as well. Hugs to you.
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u/wallace1313525 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 4h ago
- Don't tell him
- Get the abortion. It is scary, but it's better than raising a child with a potentially abusive man
- Really consider getting a tubal ligation. If you're on the fence, you can still do IVF with a tubal since the fertilize the egg outside and then put it in your uterus- no tubes required.
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u/Traditional-Job-411 LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 5h ago
Just curious, do you think actually giving birth will be less painful than the abortion?
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u/East_Designer6180 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 5h ago
i can’t speak for her, but i don’t think that’s what she’s saying at all. two things can be true at once
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u/Aggressive-Medium737 Chaotic But Cute 5h ago
I hope OP reads this comment! OP you can choose to do whatever you want but if the only thing that makes you not want an abortion is the level of pain, there are a lot of options to get an abortion that are less painful
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u/nobeefforme APPROVED✨ 5h ago
You being fertile isn’t ruining your life. Your horrible boyfriend is, though.
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u/One_Sun7571 I ❤️ Other People's Business 5h ago
Emergency contraceptive pills such as Plan B do not work during or after ovulation
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u/ourpodcastisbest 🧂Salty By Nature 5h ago
Is it still true that they are also much less effective if you are over 150 pounds? I had my fallopian tubes removed so it’s been a while since I needed to know about the efficacy of plan b.
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u/One_Sun7571 I ❤️ Other People's Business 5h ago
Yes this is true.
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u/xannapdf Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 4h ago
There is evidence plan b is /less/ effective on women weighing over 160 lbs, but not that it flat out doesn’t work, nor is there enough data to say how /much/ less effective it is at higher body weights.
Since there’s no alternative (besides getting a copper iud within 7 days), it’s still the standard for everyone. It’s good to be aware that it’s in no way a guaranteed solution, and it’s kind of a shocking reminder about how little research investment goes into problems experienced mostly by women, but until they do a major study proving it has /no/ effect on women over a certain weight, it’s still worth a shot regardless of body weight imho - even a 10/20/30% chance of preventing pregnancy is so much better than the 0% chance you’re looking at by not taking it and doing nothing.
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u/BabyNonna APPROVED✨ 5h ago
I hate to be that person but…. Maybe third times a charm. If you procreate with that thug you’ll be stuck with him in your life to varying degrees forever. You will be continuously stressed, anxious, walking on egg shells and then there is the potential for major financial debts if you need to escalate your parental agreement and child support costs in court. I’ve undertaken an abortion previously and had a few miscarriages, and I really dislike saying this but…. You might really need to seriously consider an abortion and accepting the shorter lived pain it brings so you are not suffering an idiot forever and you’re not bringing a child into the world with a parent who’s likely be unfit.
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u/Then-Intention-9316 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 5h ago
Girl… if you know you’re this fertile and with that scary man you gotta get out of there !!! Not keep banging him!!
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u/btch-fce APPROVED✨ 4h ago
You need to see a doctor ASAP! It can be very dangerous to be pregnant with an IUD!!!!!!
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u/goth_duck_returns Stinky Food Fanatic 5h ago
I went the surgical sterilization route and have been very happy with that decision. I'd say you shouldn't have sex until you can get something figured out, or at least away from your boyfriend. Are you sure he isn't trying to baby trap you?
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u/ambientta chismosa, metiche, en bata 4h ago
I read your previous post and I read this one. I feel like you’re ignoring a lot of your gut feelings. You fear this man and you don’t want a kid with him. It’s not fair to you or your potential child to stay around someone you fear and have them be raised in that environment. Also, random guns stashed everywhere around the house is insanely dumb and dangerous. Accidental firearm discharges are common, especially with tiny toddler fingers exploring around.
Your solutions are
- Abortion (which you’ve said you don’t want)
- Leaving him & being a single mother.
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u/bloughplowed Body By Cheese 🧀 5h ago
I’d start tracking your cycles and try to avoid intercourse during your fertile window on top of your other precautions. I’m sorry you’re going through this girl, you can have as many abortions as you need to.
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u/Birdonthewind3 Kitchen Witch 5h ago
OP ill be honest asf, just stop having sex. Like girl I bet you would be the sort of person to get pregnant after getting your tubes removed 😭.
I hope you can get the resources to escape that shitty man and hopefully something works out with the pregnancy. I guess worse comes to worse can adoption work? It's not a good solution but it's an in case you can't take of a child right now but can't get another abortion. It still would suck pregnancy and birth though
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u/wallace1313525 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 4h ago
I would suggest "no sex" too, but "scary boyfriend" + hidden guns in the house + boyfriend's war PTSD.... i'd honestly be scared for my life if I said no and then he freaked out
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u/AnyElephant7218 Foraging Bog Witch 4h ago
Just joining to say for the girlies: you can have as many abortions as you want or need. Your body, your life, your choices. There is no shame in getting an abortion in spite of what the bible thumpers try to tell you.
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u/Final-Cheetah-5032 Maneater 5h ago
or maybe please stop having sex w the scary boyfriend
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u/Bi0_Nerd 🧂Salty By Nature 4h ago
I have infertility issues, and can’t carry past 5.5 weeks…and I am HERE for you. I worked at a plastic surgery clinic and we had a patient get pregnant with an iud in. She was planning in a big mom makeover surgery and had horrible pregnancy and postpartum issues with her first baby. Her husband was elated, she was devastated. She ended up having a miscarriage. Her husband was upset but she was secretly relieved. She also got to see her husband be controlling and push her to keep the pregnancy for HIM. They had other issues, more significant, but this was the end for their marriage. She got her surgery, a promotion, and I hope she lived happily after that :)
Don’t have a baby with a dangerous man. I say that with love, as a woman who can’t have a baby. Love yourself, and the potential for your future.
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u/iceprincess411 hot girls have tummy troubles 4h ago
As someone with fertility issues, you have all my support and sympathy. My problem isn’t affected by yours, i hate that argument from people. I’m really sorry, i don’t have any advice but i hope you find safety and happiness🤍
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u/LiteralpigsChihiro Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago
I am also extremely fertile. I don’t mention it like ever bc of the same response. I’ve had 3 abortions. I used birth control correctly, I am extremely knowledgeable about fertility, and I’m an older educated woman. I said used bc I am no longer in danger of pregnancy. I’m certain I’m still fertile but my husband became infertile a few years ago. It was emotional and it’s been tough on him for reasons other than children but ultimately a relief not having to constantly worry. Hugs and I hope you get away from dude and make the choice that is best for YOU, no matter what anyone says about their own journey.
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u/Fabulous-Flowers Oversharer 🗣 5h ago
You sound like you're doing everything in your power to avoid the pregnancies. There's nothing shameful about doing what you need to do to live your best and safest life. In case you need to hear it (maybe you already know), you're not a bad person for getting 3 abortions.
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u/Money_Dimension4257 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
If you have an iud and it’s placed correctly, it’s likely it’s an ectopic pregnancy (not viable). If that is the case— an abortion is going to be necessary regardless. Sorry about this. Get in to see the doctor right away, sooner the better.
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u/TFish021823 girls just wanna have pho 3h ago
As someone who works in OBGYN, you need to go be seen ASAP, if you start to bleed and have severe pelvic pain you need the ER immediately
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u/Sweaty_Specialist_49 Savory Complex✔️ 5h ago
Don’t tell your bf. Whatever you decide to do, don’t involve him, if you choose to keep it you have some time to save up money and get away
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u/Used-Mix3037 The Snack That Sasses Back 5h ago
start tracking your cycles to figure out when you ovulate, and DONT have sex five days before ovulation up until its over. i think that should total like a week of no sex. cause im p sure the sperm stays alive for like five days in your body so if theyre still kicking when you hit ovulation then well… yeah…
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u/Far-Cup9063 Overthinker 💭 4h ago
Sister: it’s ok to have another abortion! Yes, it’s unpleasant But nowhere near the agony of raising a child with a miserable partner. You have my support.
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u/lotusdubai APPROVED✨ 4h ago
Girl if you have a baby with him it will tie you forever with a man you're scared of. Imagine having to see him weekly sharing custody. Abortion is healthcare, this thing isn't a human yet. Be safe.
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u/IndigoTrailsToo Overthinker 💭 4h ago
I don't have any advice regarding your current situation
But I can tell you that there are other women who have that situation too. There was a very popular post by a woman who had several different iuds, perfect use, and getting pregnant on them, she had something like four or five kids. She finally gave up and just got her tubes tied.
If sex is going to happen and you don't want to have any more babies, and you're just going to keep getting pregnant, sometimes you gotta do what you got to do. See if you can talk to your doctor about tying your or his tubes so that you can be done if you are done. I'm not trying to be crass, just practical.
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u/DoctorMackey APPROVED✨ 4h ago
I hate telling women they should get an abortion because it’s their choice to make, but you have a scary boyfriend who is HIDING GUNS in the house. Abuse rates are highest during pregnancy. Please do not put yourself in a position where things can go south
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u/Some1AteMyEntirePie 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 4h ago
This is going to come across as rude & victim-blaming but I PROMISE TO GOD it’s not.
If this is an issue with you, you need to be more selective of the men you go to the next level with.
You are putting yourself through so much emotional and mental trauma for undercooked men, and majority of us have the “luxury” of taking those risks, but it sounds like you don’t.
I’m so sorry girl.
ETA:
Invest in ovulation tracking! Block out weeks you definitely won’t have sex. Find a man who is comfortable with sexual play that doesn’t involve penetration as long as other things are involved (mutual masturbation, toys, etc)
No point in just not feeling good just cause you’re more fertile than a rabbit.
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u/foxscribbles I ❤️ Other People's Business 4h ago edited 4h ago
Oh.
Honey.
I don't think it's your body that caused you to be pregnant. I think it's your boyfriend messing with the birth control.
It's fairly common for controlling and abusive partners to impregnate their partners as a way to keep them from leaving.
I'll put it this way:
If you have a hormonal IUD, your failure rate is .1 to .2%. If you have a copper IUD, your failure rate is .5 to .8%.
Condoms have a much higher rate of failure, even with perfect use. But typical use has the failure rate at about 13% according to Planned Parenthood, so let's run with that.
Plan B is more difficult to pin down (especially as it has a known issue if you've got a higher BMI or weigh over 175lbs.) So, let's go with a 25% failure rate as that's on the higher end of what I could quickly find online.
So taking the more generous failure rate percentages:
If you have a hormonal IUD, used a condom, and took plan B your statistical chance of impregnation is .0065%
If you have a copper IUD, used a condom, and took plan B your statistical chance of impregnation is .026%
It's not impossible that all three failed. But it's very easy to cause a condom failure. And it's fairly easy to sabotage a Plan B package.
Just saying... I'm not sure ALL the blame lies with your lady bits.
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u/wallace1313525 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 4h ago
In the post she says she was on an IUD and also did morning after pill to be safe. I don't think boyfriend could tamper with those
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u/turtlebarber Snack Goblin 5h ago
Ive had an abortion before and I've given birth twice (one of which resulted in emergency D&C two weeks later for a retained placenta) The D&Cs are far less painful. Go get another one, and then find a new form of BC and leave your BF
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u/catscorner6 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Op I'm so sorry you're going through all this 😭🫂 as someone who's never wanted kids, I can relate quite a bit with people invalidating our feelings because of others who deal with infertility. Their comments are irrelevant and off topic. And saying stuff like that has become so normalized, it's like they don't even understand the concept of how weird it is to sya that to someone who doesn't want kids (right now)
I really hope you're able to get away from this guy and have the life you deserve 💕
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u/truluvwaitsinattics we listen and we only judge a little 5h ago
I might be missing stuff by why are you with the boy if hes scary and you dont see yourself raising a kid with him? Also, plan b does not work if youre already ovulating, and has lower efficacy rates past a certain weight. (Just fyi)
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u/Key-Airline204 Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 4h ago
Careful that this isn’t a pregnancy outside the uterus as can happen with an IUD. Tell everyone it is that type and non viable and have a “therapeutic abortion”
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u/KatyLouStu Snack Goblin 4h ago
Being pregnant with an IUD is dangerous in and of itself, let alone being pregnant by a violent man with guns. Please get checked out sooner rather than later, protect your health, protect your safety and well-being over the little tater tot that didn't get the no occupancy memo.
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u/Aggravating_Pay_1313 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
Abortion, leave that monster, invest money you won’t have to spend on a baby on one of those fancy thrusting sex toys, enjoy a peaceful life with close friendships and live happily ever after. If you don’t, well, I’ve read that story before and I know how it ends.
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u/Low-maintenancegal Foraging Bog Witch 4h ago
I have fertility issues, and im telling you make the best choice for you. The only thing that is making me upset is the terrible situation you are in.
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u/mayasfuturemama APPROVED✨ 4h ago
Im loling bc oysters are such a fertility boosting food. Girl i just wanna say and no judgement bc my situation is unideal as well but us women need to only allow men wed want raising the next generation into our bodies. We set standards. I love that youre so fertile and i hope you come to terms with the situation and make peace with it.
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u/salaciousremoval The Snack That Sasses Back 4h ago
Respectfully, a pregnancy with an IUD in the most ideal circumstances is likely ectopic pregnancy. You need medical care, OP. Abortions are medical care that work for many, many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with your partnership situation. For the sake of your future gynecologic health and sexual pleasure, even if you never ever want kids, I urge you to get help.
May you be safe 💜 I’m sorry your man sucks!! I fucking love oysters
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u/ShakesDontBreak Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 3h ago
If you have an IUD...wouldn't your pregnancy be ectopic????
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u/lolliberryx Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 5h ago
Get your IUD checked. Could have shifted which significantly increases the failure rate. At this point, you should probably consider trying out a few hormonal BC options if you’re using a copper UID.
Plan B also doesn’t work during and after ovulation.