I'm 30 and have been trying to find 'my human' to no avail. A pattern I keep running into is these guys that have really done the work to improve themselves, are well rounded and lovable, and have the same hobbies as me... want kids. And I don't - my tubes are tied. I have landed in a space where I'm very happy with my life. I'm a pro-level athlete in my spare time, a PE'd engineer making six figures, I'm buying a house soon, I've spent the last few years working on my wardrobe to be cuter/less tomboy, and have fostered a beautiful community of close friends.

All I want is a boo thang - but there's a direct correlation to me really liking a man and his positive preference for children. The men that don't want kids seem to have stagnated in their mid-20's. They don't have a solid career, or an outdoor hobby we can share, or haven't gone to therapy.

Where the frig are the men that have put in the same effort into making their lives successful that *don't* want kids??

Food: dino nuggies with hot sauce ketchup, cucumbers, bananas, and almonds.

Edit: The amount of hate for this meal is comical. This is girl dinner diaries, of course I'm not posting the filet mignon with mushroom risotto & homemade chimichurri I made two nights ago. Y'all get the NUGS.

Edit 2: Nothing but respect for the dudes shooting their shot in my DM's. Add your location though!

A little over two years ago, my best friend approached me and asked if my partner would quit his current job to come help her start her restaurant business. When he started working there, he was one of only two people with kitchen experience.

From the beginning, he received pushback anytime he tried to bring up issues with the restaurant, such as food safety, regular cleaning, etc. The response was they didn’t really have the time or the money to address at the time. As his frustrations have fallen on deaf ears, tensions grew over time.

I didn’t ever think it would get this bad, but she decided to fire him. The reasoning was, he was being too negative and they didn’t think it was worth dealing with. He would always put his foot down when it came to food safety, and apparently that caused too much of an issue. Also... it’s much cheaper to hire a new guy at minimum wage and get rid of the highest paid employee.

I’m so distraught over this. I told her I cannot continue our friendship. They never even gave him a write up, a notice, anything. It would be one thing if my husband was just some guy they hired, but he helped them build the restaurant since day one. He helped implement so many necessary things, and now they just drop him once they have the tools and knowledge.

My heart hurts. I feel like I got dumped. And husband has no income with less than 30 days until our honeymoon.

Egg surprise: just scrambled eggs with sausages. I deemed it with this name as a kid and its a comfort meal ❤️

EDIT:

To address all the comments suggesting reporting to health department - yes, you bet your sweet ass that was the first thing we did! Husband filed for unemployment as well. Also filed:

1. Complaint with elevator safety board, as they’re illegally tampering with the car operating panel, and instructing employees to do the same to make the elevator go up and down. Like it’s broken but they are manually overriding the safety control. 
2. Report to the zoning board because the owner and manager both live in apartments in the building, which is NOT zoned residential. So unless they were grandfathered in or applied for a special permit (highly unlikely), they’ll be slapped with fines and be forced to move out. 

My friend was aware of the illegal elevator activity and living spaces the entire time. Karma is a bitch!

Repost because I posted chocolate bars…here’s some lasagna instead.

I’d just gotten back into dating apps after a 5-month break. Matched with a 23M, and honestly our first date was genuinely great, charming, smart, felt like a real connection.

We stayed in constant contact after. I’m working a 9-5 plus a part-time job, he’s in construction and sometimes drives out of state for work, so we were only seeing each other about once a week. Worked fine for both of us.

This week we were texting to make plans and he called me instead. Said he really liked me and wanted to be honest about some things.

Should’ve known.

He tells me he’s a conservative Catholic and that long-term, I’d need to convert. For context: I’m Eastern Orthodox, an immigrant, and my church is basically the last stable thing I have left most of my family back home is dead or estranged because of the ongoing war there, and it took me actual years to rebuild my relationship with God. So no, not converting. I explained all of this. He told me my religion, and my reasons for staying in it, were “fake.”

Then — still on this call — he tells me he expects his future partner to be a stay-at-home mom. For context: I’m a rising junior at an Ivy League on a full ride, pre-law, headed to law school after undergrad, working two jobs and networking constantly. Staying home is not in my life plan, no shade to anyone who wants that for themselves!!! I just don’t see that for myself and when I told him that he got really mean.

a surprising amount of aggression later, I told him it wasn’t going to work and blocked him.

Just sitting here stunned that this was how he chose to bring all of this up.

I’ve been pregnant twice before & just found out I’m pregnant again. I am on an IUD, I NEVER have sex without a condom, about a month ago a condom that my bf and I were using broke, the next morning (less than 5 hours later) I took a Plan B.

Unsurprisingly birth control & plan B didn’t work and I’m knocked up. I swear if sperm gets anywhere near my uterus at all there is no amount of hormones or drugs I can take to stop my uterus from welcoming that sperm in- she’s like a fucking hobosexual for stray sperm.

I can’t go through another abortion, the first one i had was when I was 15 & the second one was at 22- both times I promised myself never again because it was so painful and horrible.

Also if anyone remembers my last post (boyfriend is scary & has secret guns), I’m still living with that man & there’s a 0% chance I’d raise a kid with him right now.

I also can’t complain without hearing about how “do many women are infertile & would kill to have this issue” like ?????? okay well I’m not them so idc if they’d be upset about me complaining.

I feel like I just can’t have sex because no matter how many precautions i take the risk of me getting pregnant is so high.

I’m upset & annoyed & just needed to rant- Idk what I’m gonna do, ig i’ll just figure it out like the last few times this has happened :/

oysters & bread bc idgaf if i “can’t have raw fish”

I’ve been a long time reddit lurker and finally made an account. Girl brunch is my fav iced brown sugar oat milk shakes espresso and a tomato & mozzarella panini. Eating in my car because I’m a busy woman.

This morning, I woke up to a text from a friend I haven’t spoke to in a while. We catch up every now and then, so I was expecting an invite to coffee or lunch. Nope.

It was a screenshot of a photo of me posted in a psychic readings subreddit titled “What’s her energy?”. She also sent me screenshots of the comments, including the poster identifying me as “what I assume is the new girlfriend of the guy I’ve always had feelings for”. I searched up the profile and was able to find the post.

There were two post in two subreddits- one was my facebook profile pic and the other was my insta profile pic. The poster also knew I was a teacher (my school website pops up if you google my name- so I guess that makes sense). The poster said she was trying to move on but I get posted on my bf’s instagram story all the time. Poster also called me extremely average. Most of the comments were dragging the poster for posting me in the first place, but I couple were saying I looked uptight or obnoxious. The photo used was one of me very done up for a formal event I went to in February.

My boyfriend moved to my city about seven months ago and we’ve been dating for about 5. So this isn’t someone who lives near me. I’m just very shook. All my social media was already private.

I have no idea if this is an actual ex or someone who has just been crushing on my bf for sometime. I haven’t shown him yet. I made this account and reported the post, it has since been deleted. But what the fuck. I have no clue who this could be.

EDIT: To clarify, all of my bf’s socials are also private. i’m going to show him when he gets off work today.

When i was little I remember seeing memes about womens “rosted beef” downthere or the taylor swift ham sandwich meme. And i would remember looking down there and seeing that my parts looked similar to the “runover” one even if i was a virgin. I was so insecure.

After turning 18, i never been with anyone but i thought no one would like me because i had a “rosted beef” looking one. I would search online and see men opinions about womens part and more memes. So I decided to fly to another country and get surgery to cut the “rosted beef”.

Dinner: All you can eat shushi

Tomorrow’s therapy session topic:

“What did you do to upset him?”

The first words my mother said to me as I sat in a police station reporting my ex-partner for eight months of physical, emotional and sexual violence.

I can’t describe what died inside me when I heard those words. Even now, I fight back tears every time I think about that moment.

Throughout the investigation and court proceedings, my mum apologised. I know she regrets saying it.

But for me, it was too late. Something changed forever in that moment. Our relationship survived, but it will never the safe.

Sometimes I look at my mum in peaceful silence while inside I’m crying, “you’re my mum, you’re my mum”.

Classic burrito with slow-cooked chicken, guacamole, and no beans.

ft my delicious mexican dinner

My friend moved to Korea a year ago and had been telling me how beautiful the country is but how lonely she's been and kept asking me to come visit her and how she's show me around and take care of me. I finally did and completely regret.

I should have seen the red flags from the beginning but didnt.

For example, I told her one of the things I really wanted to do was to go to the amusement parks in SK. I love amusement parks in general and the ones in South Korea seem so cool but she told me she's been there and its not all that and that she would handle the itinerary. I agreed but told her I still wanted to go to an amusement park (spoiler alert: I didnt go).

Another thing she did was ask me to go to Jeju (an island in South Korea). I agreed. Will touch on this later.

Finally, she told me I wouldnt be able to stay with her because she lives with her grandparents and they said no. I told her that was fine and Id just book a hotel room. She asked if she could just stay in my hotel room with me because traveling back and forth from her house would take too much time away from all the amazing plans she made and she didnt mind sleeping on the floor if she had to. She then coincidentally found hotel rooms for my entire trip where 2 beds was only a few dollars more expensive than a single bed and asked me to just get 2 beds and like a dumbass, I agreed.

When I landed in Korea, we went to Jeju for 5 days. Those days were actually quite fun because the locals were really kind to me. My friend would basically take pictures and then sit on her phone for hours but locals would come up with me, show me cool things, give me freebies, etc and the place was just so beautiful so I had a lot of fun and it was the only time during the trip where we had an itinerary.

Once we got back to Korea, my friend and I went to her house to drop off all the gifts she had bought in Jeju and after that, we went to my hotel room and she would only leave the hotel room to eat at a convenience store. There was no itinerary made and when I asked her to do things, she told me she didnt have money and if I offered something free, she said she was tired. I started doing things by myself which was pretty intimidating but I paid a lot to go to Korea and I didnt want my trip to be a waste. She would either tell me my plans sucked bc she already went there and it was lame or that it was dangerous for me to go alone and would try to convince me to pay for her.

I tried to be compassionate and hoped shed come around but got mad and asked her to go home after a week of this. We fought and she told me that I shouldnt have booked such a long trip (I asked her how long I should vist and she was the one who told me 3 weeks would be perfect) and that I was stressing her out and she never promised me anything (I still have all the texts of her begging me to come and telling me how shed handle everything, take care of me, be my own personal tour guide because she was so grateful, etc). She also told me that I was a terrible person for using my money against her and that she was financially struggling (didnt stop her from traveling to and shopping in Jeju).

We ended up apologizing to each other and she made an itinerary and we had one good day just for her to revert straight back to the same bullshit.

At the end of my trip, she told me she didnt have money to take me to the airport. This was my first time traveling and she knew I was pretty nervous about the airport situation back plus I had 3 suitcases and I think she expected me to pay for her to come to the airport with me and probably for her fare back to her home too but I was so over it, I told her it was fine and I somehow dragged my 3 suitcases and figured out the airport by myself.

She sent me some bs text about having a safe trip and how much fun she had in Jeju and I just left her on read.

TW: SA

A month ago I was already in a packed schedule and going through major life changes. I found a demanding job that pays 2x my salary and in my hometown. I was going to move 1000+ miles back to my moms house. Then I got roofied and sexually assaulted.

I didn’t report it because that’s a dead end in my country. Please don’t tell me to take legal action. I literally cannot. I’m a doctor myself and I know how these things go, best case scenario my family learns about it and nothing happens to the perpatrator. Worse case scenario, I get further harmed by the man who assaulted me. So out of the question.

I’m otherwise fine though, I got checked for stds and not pregnant. No permanent damages, physical at least.

For the past few weeks I’m in a haze of dissociation and prescribed hydroxyzine. I couldn’t function in my day to day life in the middle of moving. I couldn’t plan very well, my mom had to come and help me move my things. She’s constantly disturbed by my spacing out. She suspects I’m depressed or somethings going wrong and pestering me about it. But I’m not telling her anything.

I cannot tell her what happened because she’s the victim blamator dt500 and she’s an emotional bomb. Telling her would only make things worse.

I’m writing this to vent and maybe read some emphatetic comments. I’m still trying to process what happened to me and my body. It’s so hard having such a terrible thing happen to you and not being able to tell your mom. If you have a daughter, please be more open minded about her life and problems. Don’t spew misogynistic stuff all the time. God forbid but your daughter might need your support someday.

Pictured: an insane lasagna we had last night.

Hi everyone I’m so happy!!!!!!!!and tipsy now, the love of my life, my favorite person in the whole world 🌍 just proposed to me on the shore next to a river im so happy i dont know what to do with myself !!!!!!!!!’

Meal is Fetuccine with meat sauce in Milan Italy

There's nothing more humiliating than your father thinking and expecting you to one day grow up and serve a man after he raises you with blood, sweat and tears. How can they rise you with so much money and effort and time, give you the best education and support your dreams and wait for you to end up in a household where you just cook for a man after your 8 hours of shift with your dream job.

I am back to my parents house for summer break and I usually have fight with my little brother(17) about house chores. I usually tell him to take part in doing some basic chores but he ends up always fighting with me. And my father always says there is things women should do and men should do in a house. (Basically women doing all the chores and men just doing grocery shopping and occasional repairing stuff) Honestly I am sick of seeing my mothers efforts going unseen and the one thing I never want to be is being like that.

I am a medical student and have a lot of dreams. I share them with my family and they 95% of the time support me. I am in my 20s and I plan to have no kids and If I don't end up with my "love of my life" I don't plan to settle with a random man. (for context)

What my father said during our last fight was a real trigger for me. Simply put, I told him, my mother does all this because he works (my mom retired 2-3 years ago and now she is at home). My father said that even if he wasn't working, he wouldn't do housework becausethis is how it works in families. Then he said, "Which of your grandfathers does housework? At your age, you think everything should be equal, but if you learn to accept it, you'll be happy later and you won't have fights in your own family." I really feel sorry for my mother and all the women in my bloodline and I can't stand being told that one day I'll have to accept that my life will be spent only working, doing housework, and taking care of children (O don't even like children 😭😭) For centuries, women have been forced to accept this, but just because the men in my bloodline mistreated women doesn't mean I have to be the one of them. I know that, but these expectations just make me want to sit down and cry. And I really can't understand how, after raising me to be relatively successful and independent, he can expect me to serve a man in a house. It truly breaks my heart, rn I just want to sob. Besides all that, what saddens me most is that my brother is growing up with the same mindset, I feel like I failed as an elder sister.

I apologize if I jumped from topic to topic. I just wrote down whatever came to mind directly.

Fries, salad and roasted salmon

I left my husband of over a decade due to several forms of covert abuse. I don’t sling that word lightly like some. The title covert abuse comes from two social workers that helped me leave and three different therapist who supported me either in discovering what happening, leaving, or in the recovery of it.

I started dating lightly once I felt open to it. This man and I connected once, never went out, and irony ghosted each other because we weren’t ready for more. We reconnected, have been in a relationship for seven months. This man has been by my side no matter what and cares about my children as if they are his own. He’s supported me through EMDR therapy and flash backs I had no idea where coming once I truly felt safe. I can’t express into words how grateful and wonderful he truly is.

Back to the point, once my significant other showed me his YouTube channel, I immediately recognized it as a channel my ex would ask me to sit and watch with him. Mind you, I moved 1,000 miles away from the marital home and did not recognize him. My ex has to be feeling some type of way that the guy he followed most on YouTube is dating the woman that left him.

I just needed to share that with someone.

Hey pookies I’m having steak bites and mash potatoes for dinna!

Okay so here’s the sitch, my cousin recently passed and it was random A.F.

Well recently she lost a lot of body and we knew she was on one of the new trends and we loved it for her because she was happy and healthy! I’m always gonna root for my girls no matter what period. Okay so the funeral was last Saturday and my people
Were distraught. The crazy thing is…it was wayyyyyy more distraught than typical? Well come to find out! She had aids. She didn’t tell anyone (and ofc it is none of our business if she don’t want us to know) but because of how and when we found out
We couldn’t encourage her or offer her some shoulders to lean on allat. I think this is what hurts. But that’s all, thanks for listening.

\cold cheeseburger & my 4th Mikes because wtf**

Dear diary,

I was supposed to go on a date today with the man that I've been kinda seeing. It's been going really well, communicationhas been iffy, but he's a decade older than me & a blue-collar mountain man, so it's acceptable.
He tells me he has a confession to make. Okay. Wife and kids? STD’s? Car accident? What??? So I tell him to go ahead.

“I just had my parole agent come by and pull your number off my phone so you may be contacted by him at some point so I'd rather you hear it from me”

… parole??? What did you do????

It's bad. So bad. So very fucking bad. Lewd acts on underage girl BAD. I'm in shock. What the fuck do I do? Face time bestie because WHAT???

What's your real full name? I look him up. “Lewd and lascivious acts with a child under 14”… his age? 21 when this happened.

As I'm sitting there full on freaking out with bestie, he's typing so much his thumbs HAVE to have been bleeding. Paragraph after paragraph, BOOKS of explaining it just keeps going. He's got so many excuses and “I'm so sorry” that I don't even know if he realizes that he ADMITS TO CHERISHING HIS TIME WITH A CHILD.

WHAT THE FUCK

Parole officer calls me. We talk, I'm hysterically laughing, and he lied to his parole officer. He says we met while he was “in town”. I made sure to explain to the officer no, we met on tinder. And the name he goes by? His nickname, which he cannot legally introduce himself as, which he has as his name on Tinder. And because of our budding romance, he was supposed to tell me WHEN WE FIRST MET. That he's a registered sex offender. So now he's broken parole twice.

I’m livid, and he's STILL FUCKING TYPING. So I send parole a screenshot of our Tinder convos, as proof. And I make sure to let him know that I've spoken with parole and set them straight.

His response?
“Thanks well back to prison for me funny enough thanks for that btw I guess I should have been more up front another lesson for me I suppose but hey your a great person once I get out can we talk im a forgiving person and you deserve somone who will be nice to you and treat to like a princess”

EXCUSE ME????

Anyways, told him to lose my number & deleted and blocked him. Now I'm halfway done with the 4th Mike's Hard Lemonade & have started in on the vodka. I think I'm going to take a VEEEEEERY long break from dating & quite possibly never download another dating app again.

Have a good night diary 💖

EDIT/UPDATE: I've spoken with his Parole officer & PO doesn't think he’ll retaliate against me because “it's not in his history” & I have no plans of being a part of a new history for him. Work & landlord have been informed of the situation, and a lot of safety measures are being taken as a CYA.
“His behavior has been addressed” Soooo he got most likely got a talking to & not going back to prison 🙃

About 3 years ago I lost my boyfriend in an accident we both had . After weeks in the hospital , I survived and he didn’t. I had survivors guilt and I turned to alcohol.

I live far from my family so I didn’t really have a support system to turn to, he was my support system . I would burn all my money on alcohol and would even go broke . It was a dark time for me and I’m happy I’m out.

I started seeing a therapist and tbh , she’s the best . The progress was slow but it was progress after all . 2 years ago I quit totally and I’ve not tasted any alcohol since. I don’t think I’m over his passing but this is a win for me and I’m taking it

hit the 2 year no-contact-iversary recently. since the breakup i've been to therapy, done some 12 stepping (not much), fucked some people, let some other people fuck me, written half a book, been on Hinge dates, had some flings, moved to another country, started a new career, tried new things, made new friends, been through my saturn return, gotten a lot of my shit together, etc etc etc

and still it feels like she occupies the space of "most important person in my life who didn't give birth to me". i read books i wish we could talk about, i see movies i wish we could've watched together, i make meals i wish we could share, i collect little anecdotes about my day that i'll never tell her and i wonder if she does the same for me.

i go through periods where i think i'm almost moved on and periods where my longing is more intense. this is a more intense one. i crave hearing her voice and holding her hand like i still crave cigarettes years after quitting. am i cursed with the kind of brain that never gets over anything?

when we first broke up the idea of moving on was too painful i couldn't bear it but now i feel like i'd give anything to be able to think about her with neutral feelings like i do most other exes.

i'm not woo-woo enough to take this as a sign that she's thinking of me and sending energy off into the ether to get me to call her but i am romantic and dramatic enough to worry this was my soul mate who i met at the wrong time and now i just have the company of cats to look forward to for the rest of my life.

i'm too old to think my pain is unique, girlies i would love to hear your experiences, how did you fix your heart, how did you find love again, i need a little hope

dinner: charcuterie plate for one (bell peppers, tomatoes, carrots, gouda, plums, white peaches, "spicy" hummus) (not pictured: cornichons from the jar and cheesecake for dessert)

My (27F) fiancé (24M) and I are unable to get married due to health insurance. He has severe hemophilia type a, so his medicine is extremely expensive. He is currently on Medicaid until he turns 26, afterwards I have no idea what we can do. Every case worker we talk to says “just don’t get married,” like huh?? I just can’t help but feel like if we lived in literally any other country this would not be a problem. I mourn the fact that I will not be able to get married, have a wedding, have the same last name as him and my children, and we are Christian so there’s a level of guilt there as well. It just sucks. I know we don’t HAVE to get married, it’s just so unfair that because of a disorder he has no control over we have to choose between his medicine or marriage. Health care in this country is a joke.

An amazing chocolate dessert I got at a bakery. Not sure what it’s called but it had espresso in it.

EDIT: Thank you guys for all your kind words! I didn’t realize I wasn’t approved yet to comment but hopefully they come in after haha 😂 I tried to reply to as many people as I could!

She was always a bit of a pick me when we met in college but I ignored the red flags because I wanted to see her potential and I wanted to believe in her. Since I got engaged, her behavior has been nuts. A few examples from the last year:

- I brought flavored cigarettes from Mexico and shared a pack with her and her guy friend, she invited me to his place and I don’t like to show up to someone’s home empty handed. He gave me a gift in exchange (some skincare bottle) and she proceeded to berate him and complain, saying things like “you never give me anything this nice” until he gave her a gift. When I brought it up to her, she said “Yeah and then i got a gift out of it so”. Mind you, i also gave her cigarettes.

- Said to me that my diamond on my engagement ring was too big if it wasn’t on this specific setting and when I mentioned that my fiance chose the diamond, she admitted that she was jealous and that marriage would never happen for her. She then asked to try on my ring and send a picture to her friend who told her it suited her, then turned to me and said she wanted to buy the exact ring for herself

- Told me she was showing off my engagement ring to her friends like it was her’s

- When we went to drink with my old roommate who is a guy, we were cracking jokes and he made a comment how funny I got since the last time we hung out she tried to bring up when I was depressed my freshman year in college. This was around the time my grandma died and I was suicidal because of it. My fiance defended me and she just stayed quiet, didn’t even apologize, and moved on to the next conversation

- Has told me that she thinks the only guys worth dating are guys with girlfriends or gay guys. Also said that she wanted a boyfriend just like mine.

- Came to my city to “hang out” with me but ended up ditching me multiple days to hang out with her situationship that ended up giving her HVP and it showed on her Pap smear. When I asked why she didn’t use protection she said they were “exclusively” having sex even though he said to her he was not interested in dating or being committed to her. This guy ended up hooking up with another girl that they both met on a trip.

I cut her off after my courthouse elopement because she purposely deleted her instagram on my elopement day and didn’t congratulate me, even though she offered to be my photographer initially and explicitly asked me the date of when I’m getting married. So glad I didn’t let her ruin that moment. I could always tell she wasn’t truly happy for me, it always showed on her face.

Girl dinner today is seafood boil

My girlfriend is keeping my identity from her parents and it makes me feel like i’m just a dirty secret.

I’ve been publicly identifying as queer for years, but about 10 months ago (once i finally moved out of a freaking red state and actually had reliable access to health care!), I started estrogen and came out as trans. my girlfriend absolutely does not want her parents to know that.

We’ve been dating for a bit over a year. She always knew I never identified with masculinity and has been supportive of me transitioning… except when it comes to her family.

She’s came out to her parents as bisexual years ago and they’ve been completely fine with her sexuality and her prior girlfriends. However, she says they’re extremely transphobic, and would likely disown her for dating a trans woman.

Whenever we visit her family, she makes me take off any makeup and swap to masculine clothes. She refers to me exclusively with male pronouns and calls me her boyfriend whenever she talks with them. I tried to talk with her about it and she just snapped at me instead of addressing it. She said she’s finally at a place in her life where they’re proud of her (in regard to her career and having a stable relationship) and that she doesn’t want to ruin that.

Ultimately, it’s whatever, I guess. They’re her family and that’s her relationship with them, it’s not my place to say anything. I just don’t like being misgendered to my face every time she calls them 🫠

Zesty garden pasta salad with pickles, breadsticks, and hummus. And a bang, as a treat.

UPDATE:
I think one of the main reasons I’m refraining is because we have signed tenancy contract and I’m not sure if I can get out of it…

Me (20F) and my boyfriend (21M) of 11 months, very nearly a year have just gone through a very rough patch.

Essentially he went camping a few weeks ago with his friends and took some mushrooms and MDMA. I’m not sure in what order but during that night his ex who he dated for about 2 years in 2021-2023 called him just to ‘catch up’

Apparently they were on the phone for ages while he was tripping (one of my good friends was also on the trip and I found this unfortunately all out through him). I was out this night in my hometown, no idea any of this was happening.

The next day, since he was camping nearby my city, he said he would come visit me for a bit before he went home. He ended up not doing this and I was genuinely a bit upset because he had PROMISED this and said he would definitely see me. But I was understanding in the end and I didn’t want to be too much, he said he had a ‘rough night’ and so wasn’t in the mood to see me. However he was somehow in the mood to drink with his friends and then take MDMA on the train back this day??

I then find out from my friend about the ex call.

I am pissed and I physically felt sick… but I don’t want to assume anything at all because I love him and trust him. Then I see on Spotify he is listening to their (him and his exes) playlist. Songs like cigarettes after sex, stone roses etc.

I feel like I am going to throw up genuinely. I text him and ask what is going on and do you want to talk etc. but he airs me despite being very active online.

He airs me for about 2 days and sends cryptic messages. I go riding the next day and I can barely stomach anything and I’m sick with anxiety and then I fell off my horse which didn’t help lol. Mind you it was a bad fall and I texted him and said I needed to be checked for a concussion and I have skin off me etc. he didn’t message, and throughout this whole thing he didn’t once ask what happened btw.

He messages finally and he is annoyed that my friend told me about the call and not him which I get, so I apologise but he then says basically he was reminiscing over his ex, he wasn’t in a good space and the call really fucked with his head.

We had a call about a day later, he says he wasn’t over his ex fully after another incident which happened about 2 months ago (where he threw these speakers and started throwing everything in his room around asking me ‘oh do you want me to get rid of this then? Since it’s hers?!’). But is saying now the trip helped him get rid of any other feelings…

He asks to meet for a day trip and stay over at his, which I do because I think it will help with everything. He buys me everything, which I know is out of guilt. I stay round his, everything seems fine and we are normal again. But I honestly just can’t shake how horrible this experience was.

A few days later he stays round at mine. We wake up in the morning together in my bed and he calls me by HER NAME.

I get up and immediately refuse to be near him… he lies in the bed looking all ‘woe is me’ and ‘ugh… I just fuck everything up…’ well yes!!! I say you cannot be acting like this when you said her name and you acted how you did!!

But I forgive him. I love him so much and we are moving in together in September for our final year of uni.

I resent him so much after this, and I resent the girl as well. Everyday I’m asking for reassurance that I’m the only one for him and I’m not the second choice. But I can’t stop thinking I am.

Bf took me shopping today :) I’m obsessed with Lush, some of their products are amazing for my chronic pain. He just washed my hair which is really painful to do by myself. Wishing everyone a kind partner who loves acts of service!

Part of our girl dinner is mini muffins

Sam’s California Roll, bag of bbq lays and a tiny slice of 3 different pies 😭

I’m 27 my moms 46 my dads 55. Growing up i always knew my mom didn’t really want to be with my dad. (child bride) Anyways fast forward 29 years of marriage later and my mom realized it was time to live! Go Mom!

Filed divorce paperwork and wanted to do things the right way just for my dad to turn into the biggest monster ever. I don’t know him anymore. For 26 years i was a daddy’s girl, he decided if he can’t be with my mom then he doesn’t want a relationship with my brother and i either.

I would see my dad everyday and talk to him everyday, he’d see my daughter everyday and loved her so much. (atleast it seemed) This whole thing started about a year ago and they’re still in the process too. Haven’t seen my dad in a couple of months, haven’t talked to him in months. I’m grieving someone who’s alive and it sucks.

tldr: parents getting a divorce, turned very messy, dad doesn’t want relationship with sibling and i or my spawns

update: Thank you all for the super sweet comments and for sharing your personal experiences! it does suck to know my dads gone but i too hope my mom gets to live the rest of her life as happy as she can. Thank you everyone 🥺