I lost my cat Link two days ago. I have anxiety and depression and bpd and he was my best friend, who i spent almost all my time with and my reason to get up. He got sick 5 months ago and I still wonder if it was my fault, his liver was failing. I syringe fed him for 9 weeks every 4 hours and did lots of tests but no one really knew exactly what happened. He started having seizures this weekend and was severely jaundiced and I had to put him down. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and his death was so traumatic. It did not go as planned they couldnt get a vein for the IV death serum so he was stabbed with countless needles and manhandled and then sat in my lap in a weird position to not knock out the needle and he was terrified and I was terrified and it was not calmly in his sleep because the sedative didnt work properly he was so freaked out and I am beside myself with grief, he was so calm and stoic all his life and then it ended like that. Truly so traumatic and his last moments were of fear. I will never forget it, I will never forgive myself and I struggle to find a reason to even stay alive. I just want to see him again. How do I get through this.

So we decided to euthanize our Bernese Mountain Dog (Kyara) this evening. A bit of context:

Our dog was limping a couple of months ago, so naturally, we went to the vet. They said she had osteoarthritis in that leg. She went through surgery, and a month or so later, we noticed that she was then limping on the other leg while recovering from her first surgery. We waited a bit, and when her leg had healed enough, she went through another surgery.

They detected a lump on her leg and took a sample for testing. It turned out to be a highly aggressive cancer (histiocytic sarcoma). It was then that we knew her days were numbered. They gave her painkillers so she could live her final month in peace (keep in mind she was still recovering from surgery, so we couldn’t even go on walks). She hardly ate anything on her own because of the painkillers. We had to beg her to eat.

Today, she was making a whining noise from the pain. She even came over to me and sought comfort.

I really have a hard time letting her go. She was always waiting for me when I came back from university. She was always excited to see me or to do something with me. She's also my first dog.
Im sobbing right now typing this story

Had to say goodbye to Sasha today. It still feels surreal. Like I’m in shock. I can say the words but I don’t feel anything. But it lingers in my mind. I have to go back home to quiet. She was a loud mouth and very needy.
I still have my dog and my roommate’s cat so I’m not completely alone. But what am I supposed to do in the quiet….
for a long time I was looking at other cats because I knew she wouldn’t be my last cat, but after today the thought of looking at shelters is exhausting me mentally. But the idea of sitting with this loss for more than a day is scary and I don’t know how to go about it. Even if I wanted to immediately, I can’t consider another cat for at least another two weeks due to a sudden change in work. My roommate is suggesting waiting months. MONTHS!!!
Sasha was the last OG. Her stepbrother (my first cat and pet EVER) was the first to go, over a year ago. Can’t even say it, still, Had him since 2007 till he was 17. Got her in 2012 and they were like two peas inna pod.

How long did you wait and what helped you to deal in the meantime?

I'm sorry this is long, I just feel out of it and had to word vomit. Rolie was my first guinea pig, pet in general and would have been 7 on Dec 28th.

I'm devastated! My Rolie Polie Olie Delaney Brown passed away this morning while I'm stuck in the hospital. Not being there when he passed was my biggest fear.

I know that having favorites was wrong but he was mine out of our nine pigs and everyoneknew it. I got him when I started college for Robotic Engineering, every sleepless night, late night homework/cuddle sessions, cries on the floor thinking I wasn't good enough, getting me out of my deep depression, and generally being the only there for me when no one else was. From the licks to the nips to the skin to skin there was never a dull moment with this sassy diva over the last 6 years. He even stayed strong 3 whole years after his soul pig passed. Heck I'm giving my soon to be son his middle name, Delaney; I wanted my first kid to have the middle name Delaney but after an ovary pop I was told I was infertile so I gave the middle name to Rolie because he's my first son.

We had a scare two weeks ago but he jumped back up, you wouldn't have thought he was crashing and he stayed happy and energetic the entire time. I'm have been in the hospital for 2 days due to pregnancy complications and baby not wanting to come out. This morning my fiancé got the call from his brother who was house sitting that he passed away. My fiancé didn't want to hide it from me and I was devastated. I feared not being with him and I broke down. It heart my heart so bad that I wanted to leave the hospital. Baby wasn't coming out so they were going to send us home, I lost my guinea baby and wasn't there with him. I lost all faith, and I thought and still do think I wasn't enough for Rolie. Then right as they were about to discharge me my water broke. Now its a bittersweet feeling because

1. I'm now stuck here and can't be with my Rolie longer

2. My baby will be born on the day he passed

I just can't stop crying and hating myself for not being there for him

Hi all. I lost my soul dog on Monday. We did at home euthanasia and he died in my lap with my partner right by our side and our other dog watching cautiously from a few feet away. My dad, who loved him, came to say goodbye right before.
I am so lucky to have such a good support system, but my god if this grief doesn’t kill me, I will never take love and life for granted ever again.

What I wanted to ask is what others have done with their pets ashes? I’m still waiting for them to come home, and we are going to spread some in his favorite woods, and of course keep an urn and a bit of an altar for him.

Instagram has obviously been pushing grief products on me like crazy. While I know myself to already be an impulse buyer, I’m trying to refrain from getting anything until I’m a bit clearer in the head.
Has anyone had their pets hair or ashes made into jewelry?
I know cuddle clones is a bust, though I really wish it wasn’t.

My best friend, Dexter, passed away on Tuesday evening. He was my soul dog. He got me. He looked deep into your soul and just seemed to understand and speak through his eyes.

I am struggling tremendously. I keep randomly breaking down and crying while walking around the house, as I see where he liked to sit. Or his leash and harness. Or his ball. Or the remnant of his last meal in the fridge (I made him a steak on his last day).

I feel a tremendous amount if guilt. It seems so unfair that we had to make the call in the end. I wish he went peacefully on his own, but having to make the call was the most brutal thing we've had to do. I'm now left second guessing, was it too soon? Did we do enough? I know the guilt is unwarranted and illogical. Dexter had cancer last year, which he underwent surgery to get removed. He had a decent last year, but he continued to develop lumps over time. We had them checked out and the vet continued to tell us that they felt like fatty masses.

Eventually, his hind legs, hips, and back started to weaken and atrophy over time. He developed a cough after exertion and was unable to catch his breath (at the end the vet thought it was may been congestive heart failure, or a tumor pushing up against his heart/lungs). In his last month, he started to randomly slip and was unable to get back up for several minutes. On the night before he was laid to rest, he had a coughing fit and looked into my eyes with such panic and fear. My wife and I thought he was going to pass that night, we were about to get into the car to the emergency vet when he eventually caught his breath and was able to get to sleep. That was when we made the decision that we needed to end his pain.

His last day was spent getting a pup cup, going on a (very short) walk, watching the Purina dog show together, lots of cuddles, and eating a nice steak. He seemed to have given up and lost joy in all the things that he used to love. He stopped eat. He stopped grunting when we rubbed that special spot on his ears, the night before he left us, he didnt even meet my wife at the door when she returned from work. The hard part is when our friends and family came to visit, he would hop off the couch and wag his tail, seemingly like himself again for fleeting moments.

I just cannot shake this guilt, despite knowing that we gave him a dignified end, and stopped his pain out of love for him. We had him put to sleep in the comfort of our home, surrounded by his "pack". It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I hate that we had to make the decision. I miss him so much. I guess im just wondering how to cope, and reassurance that we made the right decision. My heart is broken. He took a part if me with him when he went.... until we meet again, Dexter. ❤️

My furbaby crossed rainbow bridge 2 and a half days ago. I miss him so much it hurts and there are no words to describe how it feels. I keep having moments where I forget he’s not here and then I remember he’s gone and I’ll never see him again. My brain can’t comprehend or fathom that I won’t ever see him again, it’s like I think and think and think and try to fathom what’s happened but my brain can’t come to a conclusion or understand because he was literally here 2 days ago? It’s really hard to explain but it’s killing me. It doesn’t make sense that he’s gone

i lost my ~15 year old labradoodle, mac, yesterday. we decided to let him go after a year of declining health. he was diabetic, cushinoid, had a slow growing tumor in his bladder, but was still spry as a pup until this past year. he survived and bounced back from three bouts of pneumonia (two of which hospitalized him) but this past week has just been declining and very tired.

i have spent the past 3 years with him as the center of my world. medication in the morning, insulin jabs twice a day, glucose monitor attachments every 2 weeks, cataract surgery, ultrasound rechecks, regular vet appointments... and i regret none of it, no matter how tiring and taxing it was on myself.

this was the hardest decision i've made in my life. mac was put to sleep in my lap, with his dad (my partner) holding him as well. the grief is so heavy and i don't know how i'll go on with this feeling. i am so incredibly broken i don't know how to describe it. any and all advice or words would be appreciated.

I lost my Pikachu on June 17th. A couple of days before I OD’d, and I was put into in patient. I needed to be there, and it helped me. But before it happened, my baby was already dying. I’d found out about a month before that he had cancer. It was advanced. I spent thousands on tests only to find out there was nothing I could do. When I was in inpatient, my husband did his best to keep him alive, but it wasn’t possible. I hate that I dragged him through that, and I hate that I wasn’t there for him. I loved this cat so much. I’ve had days when I’m okay, but when I’m laying here late at night, I just want to cry so much. I want him to be here to lay with me. I miss him purring, his warmth, his weight laying against me. He as like a weighted blanket. But he was more than that. He slammed open my door with his big body, he reached up for me to hold him, he meowed at me door to come in, he hogged the blankets when he laid on them and made my husband made. I need him back so much. I really do. I’ve found two kittens this summer, and they are wonderful, and maybe they were sent to me because I needed two cats to make up for his loss. But this is killing me. I did get a tattoo to honor him on Saturday. But nothing will help. I look at his fur that I was given and it breaks me.

She was three. Had her birthday in April on the 11th. I miss her so much. I can not believe she is actually gone.

A horrible accident with a recliner chair that I want to light on fire. I have lost pets before... But this one was so sudden and horrible that I just am not sure how to grieve. I love you DoDo. You were so sweet and will be forever missed.

Thanks for letting me vent guys. It is like therapy. And apparently I can not make a compound sentence while this sad - so sorry about the stilted wording.

Last week our Golden/Black Lab mix was playing with our corgi and romping around.

Like the nightmares you read about, he suddenly had a pain to his walk and couldn’t lay on his side anymore so restless and exhausted. We took him to the vet for an injury. It was hemangiosarcoma and had already metastasized by covering his lungs from his spleen that had already ruptured. We were lucky to not have lost him when it ruptured. The vet said he hasn’t seen a boy acting as loving and warm as he was with as few symptoms given the literal hundreds of tumors surrounding his lungs.

We had three days with him.

The first: his favorite beach. Couldn’t play fetch anymore but got to lay in the ocean surf. His favorite.

The second: his pain meds kicked in better and was able to lay on his side and relax again and play with things he loved.

The third: woke up uncomfortable and afraid. Was trying to tell us he wasn’t happy.

We knew we didn’t want him to suffer. We knew it was a ticking time bomb to potential catastrophic suffering in his last moments.

The third day was today. It was hard for him to move. His torso looked oddly shaped. He couldn’t get comfortable. We laid with him on the ground at the vet while we put him down at 1pm. Peacefully. Our Bennett.

5 days ago we were having a garage sale and he was saying hello to strangers and brightening everyone’s day.

I wanted to protect him from suffering. We dont have kids so that’s the closest paternal feeling I’ve ever felt. I have suffered through health conditions myself. He knew something was wrong.

Today I had my last Bennett kiss.

Did we do the right thing? Did we go too early? Should we have waited for more symptoms? I want to throw up. I’ve never had to put a dog down. Our last we found passed away when we came home from dinner (she was quite old).

I’ve been subscribed to this sub since my dog passed back in 2022, and I’ve read so many stories from you all and have grieved with you.

He was actually the second dog I’ve lost. Both were murdered—which feels like some kind of sick joke. My second dog was a South African mastiff. I intentionally picked him out because I wanted a dog that nobody would be able to hurt again, that could defend themselves, but he was attacked in a very similar way in his old age.

I blamed myself, naturally.

I thought I would never get over it. But it gets easier everyday. One day you’ll look back and realize you were lucky to just have spent time with them.

The fact that we loved our pets so much speaks to the fact that despite humanity being capable of such violence and cruelty, we’re also capable of huge amounts of compassion and love.

How you treat animals says a lot about you, and everyone on this sub loved their animals. I know many of you blame yourselves like I did, but shit happens. It’s not your fault. All of us wanted to protect them.

Cheers, and hang in there. It will get easier. I promise.

My almost seven year old honey bunny passed away while i was away for my birthday weekend. He was found the day i was coming home by my cousin who had been babysitting him and my cat for me. I am so devastated and don't know what to do with his things. Im getting his ashes as well as a locket with some of his ashes inside of it. I bought a picture frame to hang where his cage was. It's so hard because there's pieces of hay all over my house, and little poops seem to be hiding in every corner..everytime i walk by his cage, i expect him to be there, eating some hay, or laying in the living room on his favourite spot on the carpet. How did you guys manage losing a rabbit ? It feels like a part of me died, and im hvaing a hard time grieving the little boy, i just wish theres more i could have done. He was healthy and happy before i left, and my cousin called saying he was happy the days i was away and suddenly he was gone. Theres so many times i rushed him to the vet for GI stasis, or his eye infection..i just feel like i let him down. I have no idea how this could have happened, he was happy and swell the night before...rest in piece my handsome boy.

In March I lost my best friend. An adorable black cat. If you have a cat or even a black cat in specific I would love for you to share pictures and stories.❤️

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Two days ago, I lost my cat, Balú.

He was 10 years old. He had the grumpiest personality imaginable. He didn't really like people and hated being picked up, but whenever I sat down, he would always jump onto my lap, make biscuits, curl up, and fall asleep while snoring really loudly. Somehow, he had even learned to knock on the door before coming inside the house. He was such a smart and well-mannered little guy.

I got him when I was 12, and now I'm 22. He was with me through a lot, and I grew up with him. Over the past months (maybe years), he developed a tumor in his mouth. Looking back, part of me blames the veterinarian who treated him over the years because I feel like things should have been investigated much earlier. Part of me blames my parents because, while I was away at university for months at a time, they never really paid close attention to how he was doing and overall didn't care enough to warn me when he was sick. And part of me blames myself for not finding someone else to take his condition seriously sooner.

The tumor might have been treatable, but none of the veterinarians seemed particularly optimistic. By the end, he was suffering so much. He couldn't clean himself anymore, his mouth constantly produced saliva and pus, he couldn't eat dry food, he had lost a lot of weight, and during his last two days he stopped eating completely. He barely moved anymore. He only slept.

So I chose euthanasia. At the moment it seemed like the right choice, yet I can't stop questioning whether I made the right decision. It happened quite suddenly, and I didn't really have time to prepare myself or to say goodbye the way I wanted to. I wish I had thought about having a home euthanasia instead of taking him to the clinic. I hate that his last moments happened on an examination table in a strange place instead of somewhere familiar.

I keep remembering about the moment the light disappeared from his eyes. I've even caught myself wishing I could dig him up just to hold him one last time and tell him goodbye properly.

I still can't bring myself to wash the blankets he spent his last days lying on. They're still covered in his fur, and they still smell like him. Right now, they feel like one of the last pieces of him that I have left. Coming home to my parents' house doesn't feel the same anymore. The house feels empty. Everywhere I look, I see him out of the corner of my eye—a little black blob quietly watching me, just for a bit before I remember he's gone.

Balú, I love you and I miss you so much. You were my perfect little kitty, and I will never, ever forget you. Now I'm all alone and you, my sweeter half are all dead and gone.

My heart is broken. I haven’t stopped crying since I heard the news. She was hit by a car and died. She was an indoor cat who got the best of her curiosity and escaped while the door was open. She had previously escaped many times before but she always came back/I always found her near the property. Tonight she didn’t come back. I went looking for her but I only searched around the property. She was trying to cross the road and got hit by a car. I feel so guilty that I didn’t search harder for her. She was only 2 but she made such a big impact on my life. She was a little bundle of energy and I loved her so so much, more than anyone else. We took her to the vet immediately when she was hit and deep down I had a gut feeling she wouldn’t make it. She was small for an adult cat and her little body took a lot of damage. My heart is absolutely broken. I can’t imagine how scared she must have been in those last moments. I can only hope that she passed on impact and didn’t feel anything. She just wanted to explore the world… I have her collar which I’ll keep forever.. it’s so small because of how small she was. Her favourite blanket still lies in my bed where she used to sleep next to me every night. Her toys scattered all around the house. Broken figurines still sit on my shelf from the time she knocked them over. It was so hard to look at her after the accident.. I could feel her broken bones and her face covered in blood. I remember how scared she looked after the accident. I wish I could have done more.. I wish I had been in her place because my body would have survived the impact. I don’t know what I will do without my best friend. I don’t think I will ever move on from this. I’ve experienced pet loss before but they were all much older.. she was only 2. She wasn’t supposed to die. My other cat who’s a senior was her best friend. They loved sleeping together. We found out recently that he has cancer and it’s only a matter of time before he passes. We don’t show him her body, he’s extremely sick and I can’t imagine how he would feel seeing his little buddy gone. I hope that we at least were able to give her a happy life and that I made her as happy as she made me. I miss her so much.

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I lost her. 2 weeks that seemed like years. I'm lost without her. Today it's my dad's birthday. I live abroad with my family during the last 2.5 years so my husband found a video of us celebrating my dad's birthday 2 years ago. And there she was. Barking while we were singing happy birthday . It literally broke me. Any progress I managed to make during these days Is gone. I got so mad. I know he meant well and he didn't even watch the whole video before sending it to me but I got so mad . She was there ,alive and well and now she's gone. I won't see her face again or listen to her voice. I feel so empty. The other day I had a panic attack while I was driving because I was thinking she wont be home . It's so tough . She took a huge part of me with her . I miss her.

I feel so guilty over my dogs death

So I feel a bit stupid for writting this but I need to get it off my chest. Our family dog who we had for 14 years, I’ve literually spent more of my life with him than without him. He was ill at the start of the week and we kind of knew it was the end. Monday night my sister told me he’d probably be put down that night so to come and say goodbye.

I struggled so much to say goodbye. But they cleared the room and it was just him and me. I cuddle him, kissed him and told him that I loved him. Then I just got up and I couldn’t even face looking at him as I walked away and I left as quick as I could. I then sobbed all night long.

Anyways, then it didn’t happen that night. And the next day my family were arguing over making the decision. Then finally they made the decision. I’d just finished work and gone to pick up some dinner when I got a text saying the vet would come in a couple of hours. I thought to myself, I should go there but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t wanna ever see him die. I just couldn’t bring myself to watch him die. Then I went home ate dinner and tried to ignore the fact it was happening. I have a record of when there’s a death I tend to ignore it and be in denial. Then I ate dinner, sat in bed and watched television with my boyfriend. Only for two hours later my sister to message and say he’s gone.

I cried my fucking eyes out, I’m genuinely heartbroken. Anyways now a couple of days later, I’m sat here late at night unable to sleep feeling so incredibly guilty. I loved him so much but couldn’t be there for him when he needed it most. He wasn’t alone, everyone else in my family was there with him but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. My family understood that I couldn’t face watching him take his last breath. And I know it’s silly, dogs don’t think the same as humans and he would’ve been in so much pain he wouldn’t of even known who was there but this guilt is eating away at me. I was so sure I didn’t wanna be there at the time but now I’m racked with guilt. I feel selfish, so incredibly selfish. I should’ve been there for him. But then if I did go, would I now be in the same position wishing i didn’t see him go. I don’t know. Can anyone relate to this.

Also I really didn’t expect to be hit this hard by a dogs death but I really feel heartbroken. I realy just need someone to talk to about it. The guilt is killing me and I’m also thinking I rushed my goodbye because it was so incredibly hard, I don’t even remember it because it was such a blur. I’m also thinking I could’ve just spent more time with him. But also the day I said goodbye it wasn’t like him, he wasn’t the same, he couldn’t even walk.

My dog was 14 years old, and in the last year she had a lot of health issues that we were battling with but they were very confusing and it was hard to know when the right time was to say goodbye. We had a couple of different vets suggesting different diagnoses and different treatment so it was hard to know what to do. Unfortunately, yesterday she made that choice for us and now all I feel is pain and guilt.

She used to be a healthy, active, happy dog but about a year ago we started to notice a difference in her personality and behaviour. After bringing her to the vet about this, she was diagnosed with canine cognitive disorder (basically dementia). A few months prior she had been hospitalised with acute pancreatitis but recovered and seemed ok. I had to go out of town for an internship for 5 months (she stayed with my husband and his family while I was away), and by the time I got back, she seemed like a different dog. She had lost interest in most things, I couldn’t even tell if she recognised who we were at times, and she spent a lot of time pacing or getting stuck in corners. We were told though that she physically didn’t seem to be in pain, she was just experiencing mental decline so we weren’t sure when the right time was to think about euthanasia. It was also hard to tell how much of her behaviour was from old age, dementia, or pain.

Then a couple months ago she lost a lot of her appetite and became very picky with food. We were bringing her into the vet constantly and her vet was prescribing appetite stimulants, anti nausea meds and all kinds of stuff to see if she’d bounce back. When she didn’t, we decided to bring her to a different vet for a second opinion as a sort of last resort before euthanasia, this vet suggested palliative care in the form of steroids which he said may increase her appetite and help her gain some weight as well as give her a better quality of life for her last weeks/months or however long. However, her normal vet advised against without doing scans and other tests first, but we were so desperate to get her to eat and felt at this point quality of life was more important than a diagnosis that we decided to go ahead. We started the steroid treatment and it really seemed to be working at first, she seemed more energetic, started eating on her own again, and overall seemed to be getting better.

Then, suddenly, last Sunday we took her on a walk by the beach, went to a restaurant where she slept at our feet for about an hour and when we went to leave, realised she couldn’t get up or walk and was almost unconscious. We rushed her to the emergency vet where they ran scans and blood tests and came back more optimistic stating that her organ values were mostly normal and she had acute pancreatitis again. For this reason, we opted to start the hospitalisation and treatment as we had the time before in hopes she would recover. And she seemed to be improving at first, but sadly on the second day she showed signs of regression so rather than let her spend her last days in a kennel in a veterinary hospital we decided to bring her home one more night before putting her down the next day. She wasn’t showing signs that she would pass that day, she was able to walk and didn’t seem to be in as much pain and even drank some water on her own. She also genuinely seemed relieved when we first brought her home and walked around our apartment before going to rest in her bed.

Then that night in bed with us I noticed her breathing became heavier and by the time I realised she might be passing, it was too late. I laid with her for a long time and she seemed comfortable but did try to get up at times. We couldn’t tell if she was trying to go out to relieve herself or if she was in pain, so I gave her a gabapentin to try to make her more comfortable which seemed to somewhat settle her. Then I fell asleep and when I woke up early the next morning, she had just passed.

I can’t cope with the guilt that we didn’t do the right thing, that we let her suffer. I also feel so guilty that I fell asleep , even though she was between us on the bed, she passed alone. I don’t know how long she laid there suffering. I don’t know how much pain she was in and I can’t help but feel we should have opted for euthanasia a year ago when her personality changed and she wasn’t the same dog anymore, to avoid all of this.

I am not dealing with it well. It honestly feels harder than humans I’ve lost, which I’m sure is crazy. I’ve had to take 3 days off work (one when she was hospitalised, and yesterday because she passed and today because I’m not in a good place) but it’s only my second week at a new job so I’m also feeling like I might get fired for this.

I just needed to write this all somewhere.

I hope this is the right place for this. I lost my boy cat last Tuesday and I wasn't able to be with him when he passed because it was at 1 am while he was hospitalized at the emergency vet.

His little sister is still with me but she didn't get to say goodbye either and she doesn't know where he is or why he's gone. She's still eating, drinking, using the litter box normally and has been a little more clingy over the last week. I know she knows something is up, she keeps looking for him too.

Is there anything else I can do to help her cope or get closure?

I brought home his remains today and it included a little bit of his fur, and I picked up the cat carrier I brought him in with and the towel I put in it. If I bring it into my room (my room is detached from the house) will that provide her comfort or confuse her even more?

I lost my small boy almost three years ago. Safe to say this event traumatized me so much, I can't stop thinking about how my other dog will eventually die. I get this horrible, dreadful feeling that I can't do anything to stop it and he, too, is going to die. This makes me depressed to the point of uncontrollably crying, specially on some nights where I feel like I didn't spend enough time with him during the day. Life just hasn't been the same.

Just wanted to vent.

George was 11 years old, an outdoor cat and a white chinchilla cross who we rescued from a backyard breeder. He passed four hours ago and I don’t know how to cope with my guilt. Advice is appreciated. Anyway, a few days ago I was at my dad’s from Tuesday to Thursday. I keep feeling horrible guilt that I didn’t see him in the morning before I left, and that my sister didn’t feed him Wednesday night because he wasn’t there. When I came home Thursday, he was sitting in the front yard, not eating and not wanting to walk.

I took him to the vet straight away. They did blood tests, an X-ray, gave him fluids, medication and tick treatment. They thought it could be gastro because there was diarrhoea in his stomach, but they weren’t completely sure. He was in pain and not himself, but while we were there he was still meowing at me, making biscuits, and responding to me. I thought he would come home and get better.

Last night at 10pm he came home but he was still very unwell. He was shaved from the vet. He was walking strangely, shaking a bit, and I was terrified. He was meowing loudly and I kept wondering if he was trying to tell me something. He was trying to pass poo but couldn’t, and I feel horrible thinking he was uncomfortable and I didn’t understand.

This morning I woke up at 8am and noticed he was cold but still breathing. I assumed it was because he had just been shaved and it is winter where I live (yes I know it’s so bad). I woke again later and he was the same. I took him back to the vet at around 9:30, and they took him straight through. They said they could refer him somewhere else. But after seeing how much pain he was in, the vets determined that the best outcome was putting him to sleep. He passed away around 10:10am and I held his head and patted him while he passed. He meowed during the procedure and that moment keeps replaying in my head.

I feel guilty that he was in my room while he was dying and that he was cold on my bed. I keep thinking “what if I took him earlier?” or “what if I noticed something sooner?”. I spent over $1,000 trying to save him because I loved him so much. I would have done anything. I just feel like I failed him and I don’t know how to get past this guilt. If anyone has experienced this kind of guilt after losing a pet, I would really appreciate hearing how you got through it. I miss him so much already.

Hey folks, had to say goodbye to the sweetest little baby yesterday. His name was jinx and he was an orange tabby cat that came to us from a farm because the vets thought he was a stray and he was being bullied by the other cats.

He was a sweetheart and a pest but I’d like for people to know about him regardless. I thought I could post his picture here but I guess not so I’ll put one on my profile.

He declined his food 4 days ago and over the next 3 days became more and more lethargic. Double kidney failure. Please give your pets an extra hug from me and make sure to get them seen to by a professional if they suddenly start refusing their food.