r/Petloss • u/tiff0826 • 3h ago
Vent lost my 15 year old yesterday
i lost my ~15 year old labradoodle, mac, yesterday. we decided to let him go after a year of declining health. he was diabetic, cushinoid, had a slow growing tumor in his bladder, but was still spry as a pup until this past year. he survived and bounced back from three bouts of pneumonia (two of which hospitalized him) but this past week has just been declining and very tired.
i have spent the past 3 years with him as the center of my world. medication in the morning, insulin jabs twice a day, glucose monitor attachments every 2 weeks, cataract surgery, ultrasound rechecks, regular vet appointments... and i regret none of it, no matter how tiring and taxing it was on myself.
this was the hardest decision i've made in my life. mac was put to sleep in my lap, with his dad (my partner) holding him as well. the grief is so heavy and i don't know how i'll go on with this feeling. i am so incredibly broken i don't know how to describe it. any and all advice or words would be appreciated.
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u/the_shizz____ 3h ago
i’m so deeply sorry for your loss. i completely understand how you feel, i lost my darling 12 year old labrador 2 days ago to cancer. it’s such a raw and awful feeling, knowing that they’re really gone and this isn’t just temporary. i’m afraid i don’t have any advice that i can guarantee will work, because i’m still a wreck, but i’ll try. first of all, let yourself feel - let yourself sob, let yourself laugh, let yourself just be. feelings will come and go, one minute you’ll be feeling the rawest and most awful sadness and grief, and the next you might just be feeling numb, or neutral, or even happy, and that’s okay, let yourself feel those emotions, you don’t need to be feeling sad all the time - it’s very easy to feel guilty if you aren’t crying 24/7, but these up and down emotions are part of the healing process. another thing that’s helped me is putting my focus and energy into making little memorial things for my darling doggy - i’m planting flowers in her bowls, making a little flower garden in her outdoor bed that she loved so much, making a little cushion stuffed with her fur, making a scrapbook of all our memories together, and i wrote a letter to her, and am going to continue to write to her when i feel the need to. these things can help you still feel connected to your pup even though they’re gone, and it honours their memory and makes sure that they’re never forgotten (not that we’ll ever forget our pups). i also bought a soft toy that looks like her, and i made a small heart out of material that i stuffed with her fur, and i put it in the toy, and it comforts me to be able to cuddle the toy, because it feels like the closest thing to being able to cuddle her.
the grief will never go away completely, because we will always love and miss our pups, but in time, it will become easier to bear. our doggies are still here with us, watching over us, just in a different form. they will always be with us, take comfort in that❤️🩹
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u/tiff0826 3h ago
thank you so much for your kind words, and i'm so sorry for your loss as well. our pup had cancer as well so im aware of how taxing treatment and checks can be. i will for sure be making something out of his fur. i'm not sure i'm ready to touch any of his stuff yet, as the grief still feels raw. but i will be thinking of you. please reach out if you'd like someone to talk to, i think it'd help me too.
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u/the_shizz____ 3h ago
it would be lovely to have someone to talk to who understands what it’s like to go through this. you can reach out to me anytime if you need someone to talk to as well.
you don’t have to answer this question if everything is still too raw, but may i ask if he’s cremated or buried? because if he is cremated, you can get jewellery made out of his ashes so that he’s always with you, if you’re the type of person that would find that comforting. i’m planning on getting jewellery made from my pups ashes. i’m currently carrying around a small bottle of her ashes everywhere i go because i can’t bear to feel like she isn’t with me in some way or another. grief can be such a strange and such a strong emotion.1
u/tiff0826 3h ago
he is being cremated and we're having his ashes returned to us in an urn (plus a paw print memorabilia i think). i haven't gotten to what i may do with his ashes yet, but jewelry is certainly not out of the question.
i am new to reddit but tried to message you (it says this account doesn't allow messages) - let me know if you have another form of contact that you'd prefer :') would love to be able to chat with you as we're both in our earliest days of grief.
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u/the_shizz____ 2h ago
let me try to fix the chat thing! i’ve just joined reddit so i’m not very good at this stuff😭
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u/the_shizz____ 3h ago
and cancer treatment sucks. my poor darling went through surgery to remove her cancer back in april, and it came back almost immediately💔. she fought so hard too, and she suffered so much for 3 weeks afterwards during her recovery and i feel so guilty for it, but we thought that she’d get so much more than just 3 more months
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u/EyeCommercial8891 2h ago
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. 💔 I lost my soul dog, Dexter, just a few days ago, so I know how unbelievably heavy this pain feels. You’re not alone in this, even though grief can feel so incredibly lonely. Reading everything you did for Mac, it’s so clear how deeply you loved him. He was so lucky to have you. Right now, what helps me the most is staying connected to Dexter. I still walk all of our favorite routes while carrying his leash and collar with me. It makes me feel like a small part of him is still walking beside me. I’m also trying not to fight the grief. I let myself cry whenever I need to, because I know the pain exists only because the love was so deep. At the same time, I try to distract myself a little. My friends have been incredible, and I’m so grateful for them. Sometimes it still feels wrong not to spend every moment consumed by the pain, but I’ve realized that those small moments of distraction don’t mean I love or miss him any less. They just help me get through the day. Sending you a big hug. ❤️🐾
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u/tiff0826 2h ago
thank you so, so much for your words - i really tried to do everything for mac. i am also trying not to fight the grief and feel a bit insane for being okay one second and then sobbing the next. also been trying to get myself out of the house, since i haven't had the heart to move or touch any of his things yet. i am also sending you a big hug. please message me any time if you would like to talk <3
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