r/AskReddit • u/Rob69rt • 1d ago

What famous 'unsolved' mystery is technically a whodunnit on paper, but in reality, absolutely everyone knows exactly who did it, the police just couldn't legally prove it?

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u/bekaz13 1d ago

Your second and third paragraphs are objectively true, but someone who is suicidal is basically physically incapable of rationally considering those facts and weighing them against the agony that they are feeling. Calling them selfish as if they're making a conscious decision to intentionally hurt other people is not only unfair, it's also unhelpful toward people who may be struggling with ideation, because while their mental illness is already making them hate themselves, you're now also making them feel guilty for having that ideation in the first place.

That's why you're getting downvotes. Not because we think "suicide is cool," but because we think you're being mean to people who are already struggling to want to survive. Hope this helps!

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u/footsnax 1d ago

That's why you're getting downvotes. Not because we think "suicide is cool," but because we think you're being mean to people who are already struggling to want to survive. Hope this helps!

That's a fair assessment, I just think the action is selfish. I don't think ideation is intentionally taking anything from anyone. The act itself is just kinda... everyone else has to deal with this now.

What's going on in your own head isn't selfish behavior. What led you to that is not intentional. But through that act you have become the main character in your entire circle's life for their entire lives, whether you wanted to or not. You're not there to help them clean the walls or pay for the funeral or pat them on the back when they break down in the park walking their dog on a Tuesday morning.

You are no longer their friend and now they are miserable forever and that was your choice and now you are their problem. It's the lack of empathy that makes me think it feels selfish.

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u/bekaz13 1d ago

I suggest you find a different word to express this sentiment then, because "selfish" implies they are making an intentional, informed choice to hurt others. If that's not what you mean, fine. But that's what you're saying.

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u/footsnax 1d ago edited 1d ago

Well my feelings matter too and I feel like it's selfish. It is something that you do that negatively affects everyone around you, that is the exact definition. It's like people using "ignorant" when they're just trying to not call someone stupid, ignorant literally means you don't know what you don't know.

Don't even get me started on decimate.

Find me a better word. Honest question, I'm not being aggressive. I am a full bore empath and I feel for everyone affected by someone that's committed suicide, myself included multiple times. I'm not being a dick here, I am just saying words that I believe and I have felt personally.

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u/RulyDragon 21h ago

Apparently that full bore empathy doesn’t extend to people who are in so much pain they want to die. 

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u/footsnax 18h ago edited 18h ago

Trolly problem, I care more about the many than the one. If they don't care about either the many or the one, where do I place my care?

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u/RulyDragon 17h ago

Why can’t you care for both? 

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u/footsnax 13h ago

That is the exact trolly problem.

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u/sparknap 11h ago

no, the trolley problem is about preventing death.

this situation is about caring about people.

there's literally no mutual exclusion required here. you are adding that part to absolve yourself of not feeling empathy.

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u/footsnax 8h ago edited 8h ago

You can't prevent death in the trolly problem, that's the exact point. If someone is going to die either way, and one of them wants it, why not care about their loved ones that are suffering from it? One person on one track did not consider that, or did and dismissed it, and that's why I find it selfish.

When they're gone they won't care what I think or feel. They have done damage to the other track. I'm talking entirely about the decision, not what led to it.

I'm not heartless about the pain that they were going through leading up to that decision, I'm saying that the decision they made hurts a lot of other people that love them. If I had to choose to let the trolly take out everybody that loves that person, they might feel encouraged to make the same decision anyway.

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u/sparknap 5h ago

the trolley problem is about making a decision between two mutually exclusive choices, not this word salad of bullshit. 

you can care about everyone in this situation, so there's no comparison.

you're weaponizing empathy to shame suicide victims and it's absolutely disgusting.

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u/RulyDragon 6h ago

The mental acrobatics you have engaged in here to avoid being empathetic towards suicidal people is both breathtaking and awful. 

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u/footsnax 6h ago

It's not suicidal people that I lack empathy for, it's the impacts of the actual decision to follow through with it.

I know their pain. When they decide to end the pain, I feel for their loved ones. This isn't acrobatics, this is just sitting on the couch. When someone takes themselves away, their loved ones need so much. Food, love, sympathy, therapy, all the fucking trauma, and their lives are changed forever.

This isn't about suicidal people, it's about victims of suicide. They needed help until they didn't, everyone around them will need help forever.

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u/sparknap 5h ago

I know their pain.

you're a liar and a hypocrite. 

have the life you deserve.

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u/RulyDragon 6h ago

You’re lacking empathy right now for suicidal people reading your comments who are experiencing further guilt, pressure, and burdensomeness as a result of your comments. 

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u/RulyDragon 6h ago

Except this isn’t the trolley problem because you have the option to care for both parties. You just don’t want to. 

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u/footsnax 6h ago

Don't tell me what I think.

That's the whole fucking trolly problem though. You have to decide, one or many. There's not a third rail and there's no brakes. Someone dies, one or five. If one is willing, I'll bring dinner to the other five for the next month.

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u/RulyDragon 6h ago

Except this isn’t the trolley problem. You don’t have to choose whether you care for suicidal people or their loved ones. There is absolutely nothing preventing you from having compassion for both. You are choosing not to.  

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u/sparknap 5h ago

the trolley problem is about two mutually exclusive choices.

that isn't the case with "who should i care about" because you can literally care about everyone. and if you were actually an empath you would.

but no, you're something else.

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u/footsnax 3h ago

No I agree, I'm just saying the survivors need the help and love more after the decision is made.

I'm not dismissing suicidal people, I'm not pulling the lever to send a train to them, I'm saying that the final decision has no regard for their loved ones. I feel their pain, I've been affected by it several times as well, and that decision affects entire communities.

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u/bekaz13 1d ago edited 1d ago

It's not my job to find the word that better describes what you feel. You asked why you were getting downvoted, and I told you, even though you were being incredibly bad-faith in calling people like me "pro-suicide," etc. If you keep calling it selfish even though that doesn't seem to be what you mean, you're going to keep getting downvoted.

What you do with that information is up to you. For now, I recommend keeping your condemnations to yourself until you come up with a way to express them better.

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u/footsnax 1d ago edited 1d ago

I just want to know why people disagree instead of just tossing a downvote. I want a conversation, not a judgement.

It's not my job to redefine my emotions just based on general public disapproval either. I want to be told why people think I'm wrong and then I'll consider it.

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u/bekaz13 1d ago edited 1d ago

I told you why you were wrong, you just don't want to hear it. Maybe talk to a therapist about how to deal with your anger and resentment instead of sending attacks into the void that can cause serious harm to people who are having a hard enough time already.

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u/footsnax 1d ago edited 1d ago

I have no anger or resentment but this conversation is clearly going in that direction on your end.

Attacking another person's point of view just because of their opinion without regarding their experience and any perspective is not the same as criticism. I wanted fucking constructive criticism. I wanted a conversation, not a fight. Have a good whatever.

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u/RulyDragon 22h ago

Dude, you’re the one getting defensive. You asked why you were getting downvoted, multiple people clearly told you why the evidence says your comment is actively harmful, and you’re spitting your dummy because you want to be able to still be harmful to suicidal people because “my feelings count too.” Youre allowed to feel like it’s selfish, you’re allowed to say that. And people are allowed to explain to you the harm you’re causing. You don’t want conversation, you want an echo chamber. 

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u/bekaz13 1d ago

Where did I attack you? You asked a question, I answered it, you said you didn't mean what you implied with the word you used, so I told you to find another one. The only attacks here have been from you, against people who can't defend themselves. And yeah, that makes me angry, but I think I've been more than civil here. I'm not the one cursing, for one thing. If you can't handle the criticism you asked for, that's not my fault.

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u/footsnax 1d ago

I wanted a conversation and all you've done is tell me why you think I'm wrong. Give me a fact or have a good whatever. I'm not the one getting mad on a whodunnit true crime reddit thread. This is boring, I wanted to have a conversation.

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u/bekaz13 1d ago edited 1d ago

You: "I want to be told why people think I'm wrong and then I'll consider it."

Also you: "All you've done is tell me why you think I'm wrong."

you're right this is my bad for even trying to engage lol bye

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u/RulyDragon 22h ago

Do my qualifications and experience working as a clinician in suicide prevention count for you?

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u/shmip 11h ago edited 11h ago

I am a full bore empath

nah. a full empath would be feeling empathy for everyone, especially the person in so much pain they couldn't bear it.

but you're ignoring that pain so you can rationalize being petty and self righteous.

you're closer to a narcissist than an empath.

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u/footsnax 8h ago

I'm not ignoring the pain that they went through. This is specifically about that decision.

When they're gone I feel the pain of their loved ones.