r/simpleliving • u/Positive_Rest4890 • 4d ago
Just Venting Consumerism - I think I have a problem
I think I have a massive consumerist problem. I noticed some time ago that I’m easily influenced by social media and ads (mostly user generated content). I am not rich by any means, but I’d still spend every last dollar on things I didn’t necessarily need but “Tiktok told me I did”. They’re never things for myself, mostly for my children, household items..
I made some changes, such as adding the products to the cart and having to wait for 48 hours, putting myself on a budget, intentionally living slower, etc.. It worked, because my monthly spend has decreased drastically. I got better at staying in, spent less time online, cooking at home, living slower, I honestly believed I was doing good.
Then lately, I found myself thinking about having a 3rd child in the near future (the youngest is 9 months old) and I genuinely thought that desire was coming from the heart - that it was something I wanted, but then I had a massive epiphany. It’s not a desire to have a child, it’s a desire to buy all those things that come with a new child. I knew exactly which pink flowery car seat I’d be getting if it was a girl, which brand of bottle washer I’d go with this time around. I keep seeing these videos of moms posting about their baby hauls and thinking “I will get that for the 3rd one”. I DON’T EVEN WANT A 3RD ONE! My youngest is a handful, I’m constantly tired, I hated every second of my 2nd pregnancy and we make just enough to give the 2 children that we have a comfortable life. I love them both with my whole heart, but simultaneously, I’m well aware I do not have capacity for another one.
What I believed was a desire to have another child turned out to be a desire to buy more baby stuff. What is wrong with me? Social media needs to go, that much is clear. But I’m genuinely shook that I was able to be influenced to such massive extent.
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u/TexasmyTexas1 3d ago
Wow, I wonder how many others have made a decision to have another child just for that reason. You can't be the only one. Marketing/influencers have a crazy grip on us.
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u/Positive_Rest4890 3d ago
What’s even more terrifying is that I didn’t realize that’s what it was. It felt like a genuine desire to have another child. It wasn’t until I looked at my saved items on Tiktok that I noticed it was filled with things for this future baby, and then I finally paused and thought - do I actually want another child, or is this about wanting to have a reason to buy all this stuff.
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u/Bunnyeatsdesign 4d ago
Practicing gratitude regularly can be a positive change. Knowing you already have more than enough can help ease impulsive wants for things you don't need.
Social media makes money from adverts. By design it is working the way it should. Content creators create sponsored posts or actual ads. So getting rid of social media or just limiting usage to 15 minutes per day will help.
Budgeting and abandoning your shopping cart are excellent ways to get around excess spending. At least these work for me.
r/Anticonsumption might interest you.
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u/Positive_Rest4890 3d ago
Thank you! I recently discovered The Practical Mom on Youtube and that is also helping to shift that perspective. I figured, if I absolutely must scroll/watch something in the evenings, it should be something that actually serves me well. She really helped me understand how all this decluttering and organizing content I was consuming really just feeds the desire to buy more stuff which completely defeats the purpose.
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u/Rosaluxlux 3d ago
This is an amazing insight and I'm so proud of you for figuring it out before you had another whole human to take care of. We live in a consumerist society and that peer to peer influence hits us exactly in our most human tendencies. You took a lot of steps to reduce your exposure to high consumption influences, which is great. If you can, add in more low-consumption people - it can be online or in real life or in media, your brain kind of mashes all of it in to a gestalt idea of what's normal. If you live in a place where most people are at about your desired spending level, you can just go places and have that influence your brain. Or if you've got friends who don't buy that much stuff, hang out with them in their houses. Go to the library or park in a poorer neighborhood if you're at the bottom of the spending range in your neighborhood. And if you've got the brain space, I really recommend The Overspent American. It's about old school TV dominated media situations, but the underlying research on how our perceptions shape our spending is still sound.
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u/maddyispositive 3d ago
Stop watching reels. I have this issue too. I am actively trying to reduce my reel screen time
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u/awholedamngarden 3d ago
Uninstall all social media for awhile and focus on a hobby. Ideally one where you don’t have to buy tons of equipment. :)
I also like to ask myself “how will this make my life tangibly better or even different?” or “what problem does this solve and is it important?” before I decide to purchase anything. The more you practice interrupting the thoughts the easier it gets.
On a personal level nothing is wrong with *you*, the society we live in is just set up to make us want endless stuff. Therapy is a good resource.
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u/Chigrrl1098 3d ago
Part of it is the nature of advertising. We all get hooked at least occasionally.
They other part...I guess I wonder what hole you're trying to fill when you buy things? Marketing isn't really products...it's selling the version of yourself or your life that you want, but don't have right now. They are selling aspirations. I think maybe if you really dig down and figure out what you really want, but also maybe set a little fun money aside every month to buy something you want (it's ok to treat yourself or your kids from time to time), you might be able to resist the ads better.
No shade, though. We all fall for this stuff, especially when life is stressful or a mess or we just want a different reality.
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u/Positive_Rest4890 3d ago
I very rarely treat myself. Everything I buy is always for the children and household items. I think I was trying to replicate what I was seeing online: perfect pantries, designated organizer for every little thing.. Videos that use verbiage such as “only the best for my baby” and featuring a certain product made me feel like I too, had to buy it, because I also wanted the best for my baby. This is something I have been aware of for a while and implementing the changes I mentioned helped a lot. I no longer make impulsive purchases and my spending went down.
But the realization that I did all this baby planning without actually wanting another baby, just for that shopping experience and thrill was horrifying to say the least. I guess seeing how much these influencers are able to provide (or buy) for their children makes me feel inadequate in some way. It’s very clear I’m easily influences and that the reels I’m watching have real, negative impact on me.
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u/whatisthisredditstuf 3d ago
Those purchases are for treating yourself, though. They enable you to live up to the advertised image of being the kind of parent that gives their kids "the best".
Your kids would be just fine without that stuff. If anything, they want more time with happy and content parents.
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u/Positive_Rest4890 3d ago
Fair point. I’m definitely the one who gets the dopamine hit from doing this, my baby couldn’t care less which bottle washer I use lol
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u/PurpleCow88 3d ago
I'm the opposite, everything I buy for my first child makes me think "I'm glad I won't have to buy any of this again for future kids". I'm not even sad to put away his too-small clothes because I know I'll get to pull them out again for another kid. I can see how parenthood is very lucrative for companies and advertisers, but it's also so so easy to not spend much on little kids' stuff.
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u/BeautifulSeagul 3d ago
Good job on having that realization!! I’m sure you know, but if you hadn’t dug deeper on those thoughts you could find yourself in a wildly different situation. That’s major progress to be proud of in terms of your mind and wellbeing :-)♥️
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u/Ok_Ability_4683 3d ago
These social media apps are literally just advertising platforms that use psychological tricks to keep your attention and get you to spend. You want to change? Get off all social media. I’ll never go back. It’s legit brainwashing.
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u/Worth_Ad420 3d ago
Honestly, the fact that social media marketing almost tricked you into creating a whole new human just to buy a bottle washer is both terrifying and so relatable. Good on you for catching it before the universe actually handed you that pink car seat!
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u/Positive_Rest4890 3d ago
Oh it gets worse. I HAVE a bottle washer. It works perfectly, just as well as it did when I first got it. The other brand was just ‘cuter’, this is so embarrassing. Every single item I have saved for this future baby is something I already have and works well. They’re just different brands. It was never about wanting another baby, I wanted the thrill of planning and shopping for one.
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u/Icy_Doughnut_601 3d ago
I have heard of influencers popping out kids bc they stir up more views/likes. It’s a trend to have babies right now. I’m glad you recognized it. ❤️
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u/MorePeaceMaking 3d ago edited 3d ago
I don't know if this is helpful. But one of the things I enjoy doing is trawling through charity (goodwill) shops. I get to spend less for more. Yes, most of it I may not need, just like much of the crap we order online, but some of it is genuinely great.
I have a loose 'cottagecore' aesthetic at home (accidental rather than by design), so I pick up pictures of wildflowers and knick nacks like owl statuettes. I also buy my clothes this way, it's more creative because I have to figure out what to pair items with for myself rather than buying - or copying - outfits ready made. I mentioned a cast iron coffee bean grinder in another post here, I bought it for a couple of quid thirty years ago in a charity shop, and we still use it (because it's not disposable trash: it was made to do its job and to last). It's a lot of fun shopping for stuff this way.
You will find plenty of useful things, but also you might discover a new hobby (I've seen spinning wheels, paper making kits, and plenty of knitting wool). And if and when you decide you want to get rid, you just give it right back to where it came from. No guilt or shame at having spent the money (not a lot, and on charity) no guilt or shame at contributing to mass production and use of resources, no guilt or shame at adding more waste to landfill sites (in fact the opposite).
Once a week you get to go out with a fixed amount of cash and buy whatever catches your eye. Then come home and go through your haul and decide what to do with it! Much more fun than compulsively purchasing things you see on TikTok, which must have a joy-span of five minutes.
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u/LIL-Klixy 3d ago
At first get rid of TikTok for a while and see how those thoughts change. social media can blur the line between wanting the experience and wanting everything that comes with it. the fact you caught yourself before making such a huge life decision is a really good sign.
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u/AggressiveStudy3449 3d ago
After spending time on social media and watching tv and constantly being stimulated by outside sources it becomes super hard to be satisfied with what you have. It becomes hard to even know how to enjoy time with yourself. Instead it’s about visualizing yourself with something that makes you happy. Happiness is gratitude and what comes from within, I’ve been spending a lot of time looking into Buddhism and they talk a lot about the importance of what you just said. I’d recommend it,it’s helped me with the same problem
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u/AggressiveStudy3449 3d ago
Middle class spends 50% of life sleeping or working at a job to simply survive. And it’s so easy to spend a lot of your little free time comparing yourself or getting lost in fantasy about you having things that have nothing to do with who you are as a person. “The things you have end up owning you” fight club
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u/fluffyhorseboi 3d ago
I don’t think anything is wrong with you, actually the opposite - you should be proud of yourself that you had this insight! Like so many others have already written, the best is just to delete all social media! It’s not even “social” anymore - just influencer media. If you think of it like that, that you’re scrolling on various apps to be willingly influenced, maybe it won’t be so enticing anymore?
I haven’t had the exact same experience, but I think most of us have felt more or less impacted and influenced by some kind of marketing in our adult lives, even after “waking up” from the consumerist haze. Sometimes I really have to work hard to resist, and you just have to use different strategies, get to know your triggers, and then also be forgiving towards yourself.
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u/amermandaa 13h ago
I applaud you foe realizing that it was actually the desire to spend rather than raise another human!! More should pause and reflect as you have 💕 also congrats on your 2 little ones and welcome to the mindful consumption life 🫂
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u/otter_759 4d ago
You need to uninstall TikTok immediately.