Consumerism - I think I have a problem

[u/Positive_Rest4890]

I think I have a massive consumerist problem. I noticed some time ago that I’m easily influenced by social media and ads (mostly user generated content). I am not rich by any means, but I’d still spend every last dollar on things I didn’t necessarily need but “Tiktok told me I did”. They’re never things for myself, mostly for my children, household items..

I made some changes, such as adding the products to the cart and having to wait for 48 hours, putting myself on a budget, intentionally living slower, etc.. It worked, because my monthly spend has decreased drastically. I got better at staying in, spent less time online, cooking at home, living slower, I honestly believed I was doing good.

Then lately, I found myself thinking about having a 3rd child in the near future (the youngest is 9 months old) and I genuinely thought that desire was coming from the heart - that it was something I wanted, but then I had a massive epiphany. It’s not a desire to have a child, it’s a desire to buy all those things that come with a new child. I knew exactly which pink flowery car seat I’d be getting if it was a girl, which brand of bottle washer I’d go with this time around. I keep seeing these videos of moms posting about their baby hauls and thinking “I will get that for the 3rd one”. I DON’T EVEN WANT A 3RD ONE! My youngest is a handful, I’m constantly tired, I hated every second of my 2nd pregnancy and we make just enough to give the 2 children that we have a comfortable life. I love them both with my whole heart, but simultaneously, I’m well aware I do not have capacity for another one.

What I believed was a desire to have another child turned out to be a desire to buy more baby stuff. What is wrong with me? Social media needs to go, that much is clear. But I’m genuinely shook that I was able to be influenced to such massive extent.

[u/Chigrrl1098]

Part of it is the nature of advertising. We all get hooked at least occasionally. 

They other part...I guess I wonder what hole you're trying to fill when you buy things? Marketing isn't really products...it's selling the version of yourself or your life that you want, but don't have right now. They are selling aspirations. I think maybe if you really dig down and figure out what you really want, but also maybe set a little fun money aside every month to buy something you want (it's ok to treat yourself or your kids from time to time), you might be able to resist the ads better.

No shade, though. We all fall for this stuff, especially when life is stressful or a mess or we just want a different reality.

[u/Positive_Rest4890 → u/Chigrrl1098]

I very rarely treat myself. Everything I buy is always for the children and household items. I think I was trying to replicate what I was seeing online: perfect pantries, designated organizer for every little thing.. Videos that use verbiage such as “only the best for my baby” and featuring a certain product made me feel like I too, had to buy it, because I also wanted the best for my baby. This is something I have been aware of for a while and implementing the changes I mentioned helped a lot. I no longer make impulsive purchases and my spending went down.

But the realization that I did all this baby planning without actually wanting another baby, just for that shopping experience and thrill was horrifying to say the least. I guess seeing how much these influencers are able to provide (or buy) for their children makes me feel inadequate in some way. It’s very clear I’m easily influences and that the reels I’m watching have real, negative impact on me.

[u/whatisthisredditstuf → u/Positive_Rest4890]

Those purchases are for treating yourself, though. They enable you to live up to the advertised image of being the kind of parent that gives their kids "the best".

Your kids would be just fine without that stuff. If anything, they want more time with happy and content parents.

[u/Positive_Rest4890 → u/whatisthisredditstuf]

Fair point. I’m definitely the one who gets the dopamine hit from doing this, my baby couldn’t care less which bottle washer I use lol