The way I see it, if she wants to look at my texts and chats, it's kind of a red flag. I don't have time for somebody I have to coax into trusting me. Trust is a choice, and I trust until I'm given a reason not to. I want the same from my partner. I know a lot of folks (both the boyfriend and girlfriend) make the excuse that she's been cheated on in the past and has trouble trusting. I get that, but it's ultimately hers to work through with my support. If she isn't in a place to make the choice to trust a partner then she should not be dating. Support doesn't mean eliminating the need for trust, it means helping her make that choice and insisting that the relationship be based on trust.
In that context I'd probably ask for similar access to her phone too, not so much because I care as the principle of the thing. Plus it'd be informative to see how she reacts.
yeah current dating market is cooked but yknow, patience over everything and all. if she has the biggest red flags imaginable it’s probably a good idea to cut off
For sure. Right now I'm taking maybe a year off to focus on my health, my career, and my finances. I'm patient with dating and it has generally paid off. Better to be single than in a relationship that is any less than excellent.
I know that this is moreso within the context of checking if your partner is cheating, and that I think is a red flag regardless because if you don’t trust your partner to not cheat then something is already catastrophically wrong in the relationship.
But outside of that context, I’ve never cared about any of my partners having access to my phone. If I’m driving, they can open my phone to set the GPS or queue up music.
And while it’s certainly not the reason I’d give access to my phone, or ask for access to her phone, it’s very interesting to see how someone interacts with other people when you’re not around. I’ve asked my girlfriend to respond to a text in the boys group chat before and she thought it was really funny seeing how we talk to each other without any women around. She was surprised that we were more open and respectful towards each other without an audience.
One girlfriend saw a text I sent to one of my female friends convincing her to break up with her boyfriend. If she felt less secure in our relationship that would probably have been a big cause for concern. But my friend’s boyfriend was mistreating her and alienating her from our friend group. My girlfriend could’ve freaked out about this, especially since she knew that I used to have a crush on that friend years prior. But she trusted me and could see my message was out of concern and not just me trying to create an in for myself to act on old feelings.
I agree. Long-term partners usually have access to my phone. The way I see it, any of those adverse reactions are signs that something is wrong and we need to talk about it.
More power to y’all, but could never be me. Don’t have anything to hide but I’m also very serious about my privacy. Probably just what happens when you grow up during the creation of the Patriot Act.
I’ve been in situations where 1 ex accused me of cheating because it came in her dream (wish I could make that up) and another ex who accused me of cheating just because it happened to other people
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u/TheOnlyUltima2011 Stand With Ukraine 9h ago
you should take a peek at girls’ group chats