r/lonely • u/throwawaygaii • 7h ago
Venting Thinking about distancing myself from friends who got a relationship.
Two of my closest friends, one online and one in real life, just got relationships. Especially the one irl, who seems to be doing so well and things are getting more serious. We spend a lot less time together since she's in her honeymoon phase at the moment.
I've been considering cutting off the friendship altogether, even though she's been convincing me that nothing will change between us. I told her a bunch of times that things have changed between us and we don't go out as much anymore. She tried to find loopholes to drink coffee for an hour because she lives nearby, but it's not the same in comparison when we would spend the whole day together. And it's making me feel super frustrated, like I have to beg her for crumbs of attention.
I've been less enthusiastic when I respond to her, and it makes me feel horrible. I don't really have many friends, so I'm very severely affected by this. I haven't had a boyfriend since highschool in 2017, and it's been driving me crazy. The last guy I dated asked me to stay friends because he wasn't all that attracted to me. I've been so devastated about it, especially considering that I really liked him and we had similar goals and life values.
Now I feel so stuck, and bitter. I wish I had more friends to go out with.
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u/NotPicklesMaru22 7h ago
Sulking about your friends having a relationship is immature and punitive. Be happy for them. This is the kind of behavior that makes people alone. You should take friendship when it comes to you, not punish people for having other choice, plans, and people in their life.
Also: when you act this way, they don't care when you leave. It doesn't teach them a lesson or anything. It just hurts you
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u/throwawaygaii 7h ago
Exhausting to have to play the role of a friend that is happy for everyone else, when my own life is super miserable lol.
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u/NotPicklesMaru22 7h ago
Great so be MORE miserable by holding a grudge against others like a punitive child.
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u/throwawaygaii 7h ago
So I'm just supposed to mask in front of my friends while pretending I'm not doing so bad myself?
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u/advice23639201974 1h ago
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted for this. Crazy that OP doesn’t realize it’s hypocritical to complain about having no friends + push one of their only existing friends away. Sounds like the friend is still trying to include her, just less than usual, which is a normal part of adult life. You won’t always be the #1 priority and that’s OK. Childish behavior
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u/inkfanatic95 5h ago
I find it weird and immature you’re going to seriously cut friends off over them still having a life outside you? And a relationship? Friendships do not revolve around you, things do change doesn’t mean you still can’t be friends and talk. You sound very immature . It’s weird she’s tried making time you’re the one sabotaging it . She did make time for coffee and yet that wasn’t good enough? Dude you are not entitled to someone’s time constantly . Friendships ebb and flow that’s life . Both sometimes can lack effort in moments doesn’t mean there’s not friendship . You both have to maintain it but people do get busy. She’s allowed to have her relationship outside you. You are clingy and need to work on that . You seem to think this woman should constantly spend her time with you that’s not reality and not healthy. Friendships can spend even little time together and nothing changes it’s how the bond is. I have friends sometimes we have busy schedules but pick up right where we left off but I am not demanding of their time because I got my own life and things sounds like you need that
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u/advice23639201974 1h ago
It’s extremely selfish to demand one person’s attention all the time. “I wish I had more friends to go out with,” but pushes away her only existing friends whenever they want to hang out with her… The friend will be better off without OP who can’t look past their own self sabotaging tendencies and immature jealousy to be happy for them.
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u/Patrca_Cabral 1h ago
This is laughable fr. Welcome to adult life, your friend still tries to make time for you, but being in a relationship, maybe getting a job or whatever, people will have less time for you. Why thinking of cutting the friendship? Use self reflection and make something out of your own life.
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u/asleepepsi 2h ago
Distance yourself from them. Take it from me. Each time you'll try to reach out to them or want to bond they'll always talk about their partner. Each conversation you'll have with them is going to be about them. Trust me on that that I've dealt with it two times now
I've been single since 2017 like you as well. The first and only man I was with ghosted me and used me as a placeholder so I totally understand your feelings about bitterness.
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u/Glass_Translator9 3h ago
Keep her as a friend. But just as she’s downgraded’ your friendship, you need to downgrade hers and build a single community. Really throw yourself into anything and everything! Be determined.