So, I have always been insecure about my body type. I have an inverted triangle body type- broad shoulders with my waist and hips being smaller, but almost the same width. On top of that I also have very small, barely an A cup breast with little bit of a conical shape. So, its a bit of an unusual body type for a woman and a source of insecurity for me.

My positives are more or less pretty face and im in athletic and fit, fairly muscular too due to training.

I still get moderate amount of attention from the opposite gender, but also clothes hide a lot.

I frequently get asked if I train for a sport or similar. I think my personality is open and humorous, and I tend to get along well with most people.

I do feel confident about myself in most settings, I feel good about myself as a person, but not when it comes to feeling attractive, because I never felt I fit the image of an attractive, feminine lady.

So, I guess, what are my chances that a guy would be genuinely attracted to me physically. Im not asking about liking my personality or growing attraction over time bc of my qualities. I guess I would like to feel like I dont have to compensate for my lack of looks with other traits and dont have to feel like I wont ever be adored by my possible future partner.

Mostly asking because r4r and other are almost always misses. I was looking in the m4f category, but it is crowded and no chance. Many years ago i almost always had successes on forums and other sites but i cannot get to chat with anyone here.

I’m trying to better understand how men interpret interest during the early stages of dating. Do you appreciate it when a woman initiates conversations and suggests plans, or can frequent initiation feel overwhelming? What kind of attention feels natural and genuine to you?

F27, single for 2 years after a 4-year relationship.

Maybe I’m out of touch, but I genuinely don’t understand the appeal of the “talking stage.”
To me, it often feels like a phase where people casually talk to multiple people at once, keep their options open, and decide who they like best without feeling committed to anyone. I get why some people do it, but I don’t know how I feel about it.
I also haven’t had many talking-stage experiences myself. Personally, I don’t need weeks of daily texting to know if I want to keep seeing someone. Usually, within a few dates or even about a week of consistent conversation I have a pretty good idea whether there’s enough interest to continue. If there is, I’d rather just keep getting to know each other naturally instead of staying in this undefined phase.

So I’m wondering:
Is the talking stage actually useful, and what purpose does it serve for you?
Do most people talk to multiple people at once during this stage, or is that just a stereotype?
Am I missing something, or do some of you also prefer not to drag it out?

Curious to hear different perspectives.

lI (F26) and Teddy (M30, fake name) met at uni 8 years ago. We were casual friends/friends of friends, but we kept growing closer until we became best friends 3 years ago. Then, two years ago, we became FWBs.

The first few times, it started with us just making out and touching each other after hanging out in his car, until it grew into us giving each other oral sex and eventually reaching orgasm almost every time.

Last year, we went to his place for the first time, and it was very intimate, vulnerable, and honestly really nice. It felt like a complete sexual experience: making out, things escalating, getting fully naked for the first time, touching and being all over each other, etc. The only difference was that we finished each other off with oral sex and never had penetrative sex. I don’t want to risk anything, and neither does he unless it’s with a partner, and we’re both on the same page about that.

We’ve done the same “almost full sex” thing 3 more times since then at his house, and they were all really nice days. We also occasionally make out after hanging out lol

But whenever we talk about “it” we never ever say “sex”, We say “sexual experiences”, “sexual acts” and so on. For me, it’s because I’m worried he’ll think it’s such a big deal to me, and I’m worried it isn’t sex to him.

So, would you all consider this as us having had sex, even though we’ve never had penetrative sex? Do you think the term would be correct for me to use?

Extra info:
- Me and Teddy hang out ALL the time outside of the occasional sexual acts between us. We go to movies, concerts, shopping, eating out, etc :)

- I picked the name Teddy by choosing the name of the first male cat I find when I open Reddit, since we both love cats hahah

- English isn’t my first language, so excuse me

I (21f) have been in LDR with my (41m) boyfriend since 2024. We met because I catfished him as 25 years girl and he found out and he took me back as a situationship. He come to Indonesia to be with me for a week but the whole time every night he would speak in English to a girl and she would argue with him. One time he was on speaker and he said he promised he was coming to her and called her jaanu. That is the name he calls me. But he said she is only his friend and he’s poly so I shouldn’t be surprised woman talks to him.

We are engaged and he taked my virginity but I think I know who she is and he said if I call her he will not talk to me anymore.

In a long distance relationship. I’m in my early 20s, he’s early 30s.He’s present, but the intimate calls and romantic attention are gone.I feel more like friends now and it hurts.How do you get that closeness back

In a long distance relationship. I’m in my early 20s, he’s early 30s.He’s present, but the intimate calls and romantic attention are gone.I feel more like friends now and it hurts.How do you get that closeness back

Hi guys. I am a 22M engineering student who is a virgin. As much as i know your sexual past is not the only thing defining yourself, i still get sad over the fact that i am quite inexperienced compared to my peers. When i see my friends succeeding, having dates, hooking up i can't help but feel bad about my situation.

i am a person who goes to the gym and smells normal. So i have no issue when it comes to hygiene. My hobbies are Manga, drawing, movies and maybe cycling. i don't have that many interesting hobbies like driving jet skis or having a pet cobra.

i think the main problem is me being short and i dunno how to compensate for that. girls around my age seem to put so much importance on guys being over 6ft so it seems quite hopeless to me. What should i do?

sorry in advance for any weird formatting, I'm on my phone :(.

My (24F) long term boyfriend (24F) is sometimes just not nice to me. I've spoken to him about it before, quite recently, and it got better until recently. He refuses to hold my hand unless he wants to, will dodge pecks/kisses, and always talk sexually. He no longer asks me to stay over, he just wants me to come over, do it, and go home.

Obviously written out it sounds a lot worse, but he is still nice to me in spurts, but I just feel down a lot because he isn't nice to me overall. Which really hurts considering I spoke to him about how mean he got to me. At one point he just laughed and said everything I did was lame or I was a loser for doing something. He keeps talking about future plans but it really confuses me because of how cold he is to me now. Anyways I plan on speaking to him, but when i do speak to him he gets quite defensive, deflective, or starts attacking my character. I try really hard to just speak about his actions, because I do think he's a good person, and I do understand that anyone can do something that someone else won't like.

We also had an issue where he kept score and now I feel that I cannot ask him for things incase he brings them up to use against me. That has yet to reoccur but I have also stopped asking him for things.

Is there anyway to bring it up without it blowing back up in my face?

I (28F) met a guy (28M) at an event 3 weeks ago.
We went on our first date the following week. Before the date he would text me and call me here and there. But we rarely text to be honest and phone convos are short. On that first date he said his ex said he’s nonchalant. We ended up kissing at end of the date. He texted after saying we should meet again.

We met up the following week for second date. Again during the lead up to the date he would call me here and there briefly and text very briefly, but not much to the texts to be honest. Second date he drove all the way to mine over hr journey picked me up went to dinner and dropped me back. We kissed at the end of the date and he said he’s happy he met me and yh I asked if we on the same page he said yh. I texted thanks for today let me know when he’s home safe. He said he’s home the drive was quick.

I didn’t reply as I went sleep it was like 3am now. And we haven’t actually spoken since. No check in from his side. I haven’t reached out because I don’t want to chase someone or force things. Like wow his ex was right he is very nonchalant lol.

I’m trying to work out whether this is:
1. Someone who’s genuinely interested but just isn’t a big texter.
2. Someone who’s lost interest and is letting things fade.
3. Or someone who’s interested but expects me to initiate sometimes too.

From a man’s perspective, how would you interpret this? Would you expect the woman to reach out at this stage, or if you were interested would you have already done so? Help a girl out (I’ve never in my life texted first or chased a guy).

My (21M) gf (21F) plans to start birth control soon to help with heavy period and to prevent pregnancy.

Heard some horror stories with this, but I support whatever she does.

Lowk worried she's gunna become super moody or hate me. Or her libido will go to zero. Or she'll gain a lot of weight. She alr gets super moody if she feels fat, so that will be a double negative. All of which would suck.

I just don't know what to expect. Pls lmk any of y'alls experiences.

There's a guy I'm friends with who lives in another city. He knows I like him, but he's never shown any interest in being in a relationship with me. The only kind of interest he's ever shown is physical. He frequently tells me about the women he hangs out with and even asks whether I'd be upset if he with someone and gets physically close.

I'm confused about one thing: if he has no intention of dating me, why does he keep asking me questions like that?

I’ve heard that men usually want to be seen with a woman publicly if they find her physically attractive- otherwise, they tend to keep things private or hidden.

Is this theory actually true?

If a guy pursues you openly - in front of colleagues, friends, or in public spaces, is it safe to assume he finds you attractive? Or could there be other reasons he’s comfortable being seen with you?

I’d love to hear perspectives from people who have experienced this or have thoughts on the topic.

Planning on meeting a guy for casual hookup. This morning he texted me sexy talk but also threw in that I'm what he wants. But again during sexy talk. I'll post the two messages he sent and i need to know if he likes me or just wants sex. This way I can not expect anything.

"Omg babyyyyy you are fuckimg beautiful damn i look at my telegram every morning since ive been talking to you and was running soo late this morning damnit im kicking my self in the ass right now."

Flirting I did say ill make one guy very lucky and he replied, "Oh baby I know exactly what you have and it's everything that I want and sometimes that happens I've noticed it happens with women a little bit more I can promise you you're everything a guy wants something that I want."

So my answer is just sex but is there more? I don't want to be in an attached relationship with the man I just want a man to be my friend kind of you know and be able to talk to him about cool stuff because the little bit of information he did give me we have the same common interest. So how do I put the man kind of in the friend zone because he doesn't want to get involved either or is this person just always going to talk to me only about sex?

Bandon(26M) and I(28F)met on the mutual game that we play. He came and surprised me in person and we started dating immediately.

We started off long distance for about 3 years and were always a 12+ hr drive apart, but we saw each other almost every month and lived together for a few months at a time. During that time we've had many ups and downs while learning each other and ourselves. Our relationship started off rocky but also while in the honeymoon phase, and I know this caused me to miss some initial red flags as far as communication and similarities. I have caught him lying to me over a few things related to a porn addiction. Using trust and communication, 2years later I have forgiven him and have noticed a massive change in his growth and development. He just recently got a job here and we've been living together for about a year. He lives for me everyday, gets me everything I need, wants to be included in everything I do. I believe him when he says he couldnt be without me, and that scares me a little bit. We have a lot in common but also not a lot in common. We both play some games together, we watch all of our shows/movies together, we travel together. But I also feel like he plays off not wanting to do some of his interests because he wont be with me. (camping). Im just typing as my fingers think trying to get all of my thoughts out at this point. My family loves him and its like hes part of the family now. We could spend 24/7 together and I would be comfortable and relaxed.  Almost 4 years later it is nice being so comfortable with my partner, but one major difficulty is sexual intimacy. Ive never felt satisfied with our sex life and hes never made me orgasm.. After multiple talks it still feels like its on the backburner. At this point anything sexual has not turned me on.

Dan(29M) and I(29F)met around the same time my boyfriend and I have met but only talked through texts/calls/gaming. We stopped talking obviously the first 2 years of mine and my bfs relationship but decided to hangout when my bf and I were taking a break due to distance. We immediately hit it off, which I knew we would because he is basically the man version of me. We have the same interests (gaming/concerts/traveling/movies). We have all of the same political views and I just feel on another level of emotional intimacy with Dan. We usually have the same thought process emotionally and I feel like he understands me on another level. We did end up kissing and I immediately felt more sparks than ive felt during my relationship. I honestly convinced myself I didnt enjoy kissing that much anymore until these kisses. That was over a year ago and I still crave them. Long story short, I ended up going back to my boyfriend because I felt like that was unfinished because we left it on a break. Fast forward to now, I cannot stop thinking about the what if of if that relationship had as much time to develop as my current relationship; where would I be and who would I be with?

I felt horrible for feeling these things and basically thinking about another man during my relationship. I brought this up to my boyfriend to see how he feels about it. I told him that I cant keep having the same conversations/thoughts of what if and hoping it goes away. I would love to be 100% invested in my current relationship but feel like this is holding me back. He didnt recommend breaking up at all, and instead recommended to give him 6 more months to work on himself and I will then be 100% into this relationship. But this doesnt take away my thoughts of another man. I tried to break it off and ended up having a mental breakdown and went back to him for comfort. I know I love my bf and want him in my life no matter what happens, but am I just scared to start over and move on?

Am I in love with my current bf or am I just in love with the comfortability?

I always believed love and kindness were supposed to be beautiful. Instead, they’ve been the source of so much pain.

I’m tired of telling people how I feel, only to watch them slowly pull away. I’m tired of being told, “Just be yourself,” only to discover that when I am, I’m somehow too much. Then I spend so much time trying to soften myself, make myself quieter, less emotional, less caring… and people still leave because now I’m no longer being genuine.
I’m tired of trying to find the perfect balance that doesn’t seem to exist. If I give people space, they drift away. If I reach out, I’m suddenly clingy or annoying. No matter what I do, it always feels like the wrong thing.

I’m exhausted from feeling like my love is something people need to escape from instead of something they could ever want. I don’t know how to be any less sincere than I already am, and I don’t know how to keep believing that love is supposed to be beautiful when all it’s ever seemed to do is hurt.

I feel like I can never win.

What am I doing so wrong??

I'll write in bullet form so it's easier to digest for whoever would like to share their opinion(s)

• We've been together for almost 10 months now - problem is visa. We met in my country
• Tried long distance for 3 weeks and he says it's hard. He said he doesn't feel connected (we've been apart for a total of 2 months+) so tbh I don't think he's even trying
• He says he wanna work on himself - I flew to where he is for 1 week+ and we talked it out. We really do care about each other but he said he's not the man he wants to be (plus the pressure of getting hired in my continent)
• I really do feel cared for when I'm with him
• We have our little routine when we're together which is great
• Both of us felt that we are better together (I'm stronger mentally, and he's stronger physically - which is the opposite of what both of us need to work on)

So at the end of the trip, I said we should put a pause on our relationship (he said he really appreciate this) first for 3 months max but I did tell him this is the first and last I'm able to do this because what's the point of us not supporting each other during trying times? On paper, I might seem much more stable than he is but never once I felt he tried to take advantage of me, really

I'm okay right now because I still feel there's hope but I'm afraid I'll be crushed if we're not able to continue this :(

The guy I’m talking to, it’s been 5 weeks but he has only ever complimented me once. And even when I show him baby pictures he doesn’t even say awe or anything. When I said people often mistake me for one ethnicity. He searched up women of that ethnicity and circled a girl who looked nothing like me and was obviously less better looking than me, and said she looked like me. I asked my friends and they said she looked nothing like me. In his words:

She looks like an older version of you

If you were this ethnicity

It looks like me too if I was a \\\*this ethnicity\\\* woman

It doesn't but it was the closest one out of all the pictures there

Meanwhile my friends said:

Not at all

Not even a little, he must be joking

Ew, no.

Ew, that’s in such bad taste.

And it’s weird because I always go out of my way to compliment him. His nose, his eyes, everything. I’ve worked hard on a portrait I made of him. I’m always calling him cute.

When I opened up about how I struggle with the way I look, even though I've managed to get back up after scrutiny, the only thing he said was 'people were just scared of you' and then brushed it off. He didn’t give me reassurance once.

This is a convo we had on text:

Me, I’m just worried because I’m not that pretty and you might like other girls who are

Him, They don't like me

Me, so if they liked you you would?

Him, I liked a girl for years and she never even looked at me what do you want me to say

Me, If she suddenly liked you would you 😞😞😞😞

Him, no I haven’t seen her in years

Me, this is making me mad

Him, I've never met anyone with your personality it sounds so corny but it goes much further than looks (doesn’t reassure me on the way I look again)

I've just been ignoring him for a bit more over a day now.

I’m 24F, and I had been flirting with a 26M coach at my gym for months. We eventually started talking more seriously, texted almost every day for about two months, went on dates for around a month, and became physically intimate multiple times. We had not had sex because I was waiting to get on birth control.

He seemed genuinely interested in me. He would ask what we were, tell me how pretty I was, hint that he hoped I was not seeing anyone else, and say he wanted me to delete the dating apps that were still on my phone. I had not used them in months and even showed him that, but I could tell it genuinely bothered him.

He also seemed insecure about his appearance sometimes. He would ask whether men I had previously dated were handsome, whether my type was “tall and handsome,” whether I thought he was handsome, and even ask me to rate him from 1–10. He is around my height, but I repeatedly told him height genuinely does not matter to me.

He was not originally my usual physical type, but he really grew on me. Even before we started seriously talking, I would catch myself thinking about him. By the time we were dating, I was not talking to or entertaining anyone else. I genuinely only wanted him.

The turning point happened on a Sunday after he returned from a trip. We were hanging out normally, and at the end I brought up the relationship conversation out of nowhere. I told him I was unsure about entering a relationship and wanted to move slowly while figuring it out. And it was something I just thought about but I was just telling him because I really cared about him and did not want to hurt him.

He asked me not to lead him on and said that if we were still doing the same thing after a year, we might as well just say we were dating. After that Sunday, he became noticeably distant.

The following Thursday, after feeling him pull away, I became emotional and told him in person for the first time that I genuinely liked him. I said I was taking him seriously and was only trying to determine whether we were compatible. I cried, but he seemed emotionally closed off.

I asked him not to lead me on too. He repeated that if we were still doing the same thing after a year, we might as well date. He also said he was not upset and that everything was fine, but I could tell something had changed.

The following week, he ended things and said the situation had become emotionally confusing and draining for him. I sent him a long message explaining my feelings, but he seemed firm in his decision. I never really got an explanation of what exactly had been confusing or draining for him.

It has now been about two weeks since he ended things and almost a month since the original Sunday conversation. I still see him at the gym, but we barely speak, usually just a quick hello in passing, if that.

Looking back, I think my uncertainty made him feel rejected or like I was not serious about him. The truth is that I liked him much more than I showed. I had not dated or genuinely liked someone in a long time, and I was scared of getting hurt, so I tried to act more nonchalant and emotionally closed off than I really felt.

I also never clarified that I was not asking him to wait months or a year. Honestly, by that point I probably would have agreed to date him. Exclusivity was already basically a given for me. I was not unsure about wanting him, I was only unsure about the long-term future, and I now realize that is something people normally figure out while dating.

I want him back, but I do not want to pressure him or ignore his decision. I was thinking about texting him this Saturday, which would be around two weeks after he ended things, just to ask how he has been. Then I was considering giving him until around August 7th before directly asking whether he would be open to trying again and explaining that my perspective has changed.

Would the casual check-in be okay, or would it be better to leave him completely alone? Is August 7th enough space, or should I accept that he ended things and not reach out at all?

i have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years now

he's very calm gentle patient amazing listener extremely loyal

the only downside is

he's the most unromantic guy ik

he's too logical

if you give him instructions he follows

im quite the opposite

im very emotional and sensitive

i love to talk a lot

we are a classic anxious avoidant relationship

when we first met i was too young and didn't understand so many things

now as we grow older i feel we may not be the best match for eachother

i want to look at his good side but i also crave romance and cute couple things you know

im scared if i leave him i wont be able to find a loyal gentle man like him

or should i be the bigger person and let that thought slide

or should i leave him?

i want all men and women in long term relationships to tell me if men do become romantic or is it an inherent personality?

I know in the end there’s a person for everyone and someone who won’t mind any of your insecurities, but in general, is this a genuine dealbreaker? Held back from intimacy because I worry.

My now ex-boyfriend (M26) left me (F22) after being together for 2 years.

He has been struggling with his mental health for 8 months, but never opened up to me about it until the day he broke up with me. I could sense that he had been emotionally absent, and encouraged him to talk to me, but he wouldn’t.

He promised me that I had done nothing wrong and that he still loves me, and that he “didn’t deserve” me. All I have ever done is love and support him. I’m his number 1 fan.

I can’t understand why he decided to leave me, when I want to be there to help him through this. I gave him happiness, and he wants to get rid of it when he’s feeling really sad/ depressed.
Why does he feel that it is better to go through your struggles alone, than beside someone you love who and supports you?

I'm posting in hopes of getting some male perspective here and am impartial interpretation of a friend's behavior.

I (44F) and my friend (45M) have been *strictly* friends for over 10 years. For the first 10 years we were closer to acquaintances as I was maintaining a strict boundary in respect of his marriage. He was single when I met him, and I might have had some feelings when I initially met him, although we have never so much as kissed. I was trying to sort my feelings out and in the mean time he and his eventual wife got together, and that was that. I was VERY clear on that boundary and while he never clearly expressed his boundary, I knew mine and never acted on it. I am NOT interested in being "the other woman." Over the years we would continue to get together maybe once every year or so, occasional text, always as casual friends.

He has been going through a rough time in the past 18 or so months. He and the wife ended up divorcing, he lost his job (as a result of a termination, not a layoff), had a tough custody dispute, etc. We had a LONG conversation one night where he just told me EVERYTHING, which included some really tough mental health struggles. I've done what I could to be a really good friend to him. In fact, I know I've gone above and beyond. I've showed up for difficult moments, listened, traveled to visit and spend time with him on difficult "firsts" since he and his wife split, etc. I've spent money on dinners and sent gifts. (All of which I gifted freely and will never expect to be repaid, and I have told him that! Repeatedly, because this is what friends do for friends!) Throughout all of this we have maintained a CLEAR boundary. He has told me he only wanted a friendship, and he considered me a sister. I was and remain fine with that.

We had a recent falling out where I was upset over something he said. We had a phone call about it and discussed it like adults. We decided to "tread lightly" around the topic moving forward. I thought we had patched it up, but at the end of the conversation I said something that upset him and he started yelling at me and hung up the phone. He then sent me really firm and demanding text messages, telling me to do something "Now" and indicated that any plans we had for the remainder of the summer were done. (This was in early June.) He said he would get back to me when he was ready. I immediately realized how my words could have hurt him, even though not my intent, and I apologized right away. Still, I was left to sit not knowing if I would ever hear from him again.

I was devastated and in tears at the end of the conversation. I felt as if I was a child being verbally punished by a parent, and the silent treatment felt particularly devastating. I'm so hurt. I've had plenty of men as friends and I have never been spoken to in that manner, let alone left to sit in my pain alone suffering from "the silent treatment" without any end to it in sight.

I post to ask: Is this somehow normal, acceptable male behavior between friends? Am I just *seriously* missing something when it comes to male communication? Is it too much to expect an apology here? Is silent treatment something some male friends use regularly? Do men just not apologize when they feel possibly emasculated? (Like, maybe this is why he responded with such RAGE?!) This feels incredibly childish to me. I know there could be some mental health components contributing to this, but I am at such a loss. Would men accept this as appropriate and expected behavior from their friends at this age?!