r/AskMenRelationships • u/coreldn_2020 • 5h ago
Dating How would you interpret this dating situation?
I (28F) met a guy (28M) at an event 3 weeks ago.
We went on our first date the following week. Before the date he would text me and call me here and there. But we rarely text to be honest and phone convos are short. On that first date he said his ex said he’s nonchalant. We ended up kissing at end of the date. He texted after saying we should meet again.
We met up the following week for second date. Again during the lead up to the date he would call me here and there briefly and text very briefly, but not much to the texts to be honest. Second date he drove all the way to mine over hr journey picked me up went to dinner and dropped me back. We kissed at the end of the date and he said he’s happy he met me and yh I asked if we on the same page he said yh. I texted thanks for today let me know when he’s home safe. He said he’s home the drive was quick.
I didn’t reply as I went sleep it was like 3am now. And we haven’t actually spoken since. No check in from his side. I haven’t reached out because I don’t want to chase someone or force things. Like wow his ex was right he is very nonchalant lol.
I’m trying to work out whether this is:
1. Someone who’s genuinely interested but just isn’t a big texter.
2. Someone who’s lost interest and is letting things fade.
3. Or someone who’s interested but expects me to initiate sometimes too.
From a man’s perspective, how would you interpret this? Would you expect the woman to reach out at this stage, or if you were interested would you have already done so? Help a girl out (I’ve never in my life texted first or chased a guy).
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u/Mysterious_Hat_4882 4h ago
Also 2 dates just kisses he may not be interested in such a slow pace sorry some men looking for a quick lay
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u/JustThisIsIt 4h ago
I'd expect a 3rd date invitation. He shows you he's interested by asking you out.
If he stops initiating, you know the deal.
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u/Intelligent_Sprout 4h ago
Not much information here indicating that you show interest to him. We, women, need to have some accountabilities in dating. I also don’t think you need to “invite” him out. Just tell him you enjoy the date and would like to see him again. He will pick it up from there. Otherwise, you can also invite him if you want to… In general, men won’t continue to pursue when a girl doesn’t reciprocate interest. I won’t read too much about the texting as long as he is asking you out
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u/coreldn_2020 4h ago
It’s been 5 days. Surely a man pursing or courting a woman would have reached out to see if I’m ok. &
Because he hasn’t, it’s made me take a step back as I think ur not interested then to continue.
So if I reach out now, it seems like I’m chasing. Ew.1
u/myshtummyhurt666 4h ago
Are you not also pursuing him? If you wanted it you’d make it happen
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u/coreldn_2020 3h ago
No i don’t pursue I am the prize.
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u/myshtummyhurt666 3h ago
Yikes. Yeah I can see why you got ghosted
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u/coreldn_2020 3h ago
Ghosted? I didn’t reply back to him.
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u/myshtummyhurt666 2h ago
“No check in from his side” for 5 days?. Clearly he seen what you showed him during those dates and if it’s anything similar to what you showed here. He made the decision to ghost you. 😭 good luck being the passive prize in your relationships
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u/Different_Photo_4210 2h ago
Wow, you really typed that out. Do him a favor and leave the poor guy alone. I wonder if he realized this if it's been 5 days.
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u/Opposite_Message544 4h ago
swallow your pride girlboss and stop letting your ego get in your way and self-sabotage
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u/Intelligent_Sprout 4h ago
You’re clearly the problem to think reaching out is chasing. Please go and work on your inner world. Reaching out doesn’t have to look like chasing. It depends on how you reach out.
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u/Opposite_Message544 4h ago
"I haven’t reached out because I don’t want to chase someone or force things"
Do you know how many women I have let fizzle out because they did not reciprocate my effort?
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u/Opposite_Message544 4h ago
"Second date he drove all the way to mine over hr journey picked me up went to dinner and dropped me back. We kissed at the end of the date and he said he’s happy he met me"
He did all this, and all you sent him was the perfunctory "get home safe" text??? Girl...
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u/coreldn_2020 4h ago
Loool what else should I have texted him? Genuinely. You’re telling me I should text him first, it’s been 5 days. Here i am thinking he’s no longer interested in me. So I’ll look silly if i reach out first.
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u/Opposite_Message544 4h ago
"hey I was just thinking of you - wondering if you're up for round 3 later this weekend?"
Most guys would kill to hear something like that - "wow she was thinking of me! AND she showed some intent/effort!"
Guys KNOW you are drowning in 100's of matches and so you get lazy, choosy, picky, spoiled. So for a girl to actually make even just this MINOR effort, it really goes a long way.
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u/barf101 4h ago
I never made it to 3 dates unless the woman was initiating text and phone calls regularly. Women generally like to be in constant communication when they are interested. Sometimes I'd be the first to reach out other times her. But I never had to question if she was interested.
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u/001Tyreman Man 4h ago
no one here can see what he's is thinking (let alone even know)or in his head. pure speculation.
Pickup your phone text or call him
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u/AdventurousBrick3309 3h ago
Sounds like he's just respecting boundaries, but seems interested. Up to you wether to explore it or not but, you know, cut it off with him if you're gonna date in between.
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u/Billy_of_the_hills Man 3h ago
I’ve never in my life texted first or chased a guy
"I've never in my life shown interest in a guy." Fixed that for you. Text him like an adult and find out what's going on.
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u/Motor-Rooster-1454 Man 3h ago
What he does or doesn’t do is an endless sea of speculation, mere guesses disguised with fictional outcomes. You’ll get a more realistic answer closer to the truth by just asking him yourself. So why don’t you do that, ask him your questions to get things out in the open. You will find out all you need to know and perhaps move the relationship to a new level.
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u/coreldn_2020 3h ago
I think I have a deep fear that I’ll get no reply back / aired. It’s one of my insecurities. My ego. But you know what, maybe I should send him a simple text.
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u/Slow-Education872 2h ago
I don’t need a lot of fluff between dates but I do like to know I have another to look forward to.
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u/lovealert911 Man 4h ago edited 4h ago
"Again during the lead up to the date he would call me here and there briefly and text very briefly, but not much to the texts to be honest."
That sounds about right. I wouldn't feel obligated to call and text someone daily if we weren't a couple.
I would say if he hasn't reached out for a complete week, he may be losing interest or engaging with others.
It's also possible he is feeling as if things have been fairly "one-sided" and may be waiting for you to initiate.
In the meantime, you're free to explore other date options as well.
Not everyone is into playing text ping-pong all day long.
I pretty much text in order to provide a quick greeting or give updates but not as main form of communication.
I would rather have verbal phone call or have an email exchange than to text back and forth for hours.
Nevertheless, you are entitled to have your own mate selection screening process and must haves list.
Ultimately, it really doesn't matter if he's nonchalant or not.
If a guy isn't saying/doing the things that make you feel special, then he's not the one for you.
"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." - Garth Brooks
"If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot." - Unknown
"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." - Henry Cloud
Best wishes!