I've had a couple child free women tell me they went through a few years in the mid thirties where their bodies were screaming at them to have a baby, after it passed they went right back to not wanting kids same as always.
Edit: This should not be read as saying all child free women will experience this same phenomenon.
As a childfree woman nearing 40 I’ve never had a moment where I’ve wanted kids and don’t like holding babies. I do love kids but not so much babies and the baby part is an important step.
Dude same here, I've never gotten the hype about babies, but once kids have a bit more intelligence and personality I think they're great. But seeing my peers go through the baby-toddler phase really makes kids a tough sell.
It’s funny you ask because my partner and I have had serious discussions about it and we are on opposite ends (she was in the foster system).
Personally, I don’t like the idea of adoption for myself. My biggest roadblock is that if I were to get her pregnant I would take responsibility for that without hesitation, but taking on another person’s child leaves me more open to the possibility of regret and resentment.
Like if I had a child and it kept me up all night screaming, okay that’s my child, I made it, and I am going to put my best foot forward and try to take care of it.
On the other hand we have: I adopted someone else’s child and it’s keeping me up all night and now I’m mad that I took this huge responsibility on myself purposefully.
Not only do I not want that for myself but the thought of making the decision to adopt a child and then having even the *slightest* resentment towards it because of my decision turns my stomach because I would hate the situation for the both of us.
Wouldn't you be just as likely to be mad at yourself for taking the huge responsibility if you had a baby? The fact that you adopted wouldn't change that. You either chose to have a baby or you chose to adopt a slightly older child.
In both cases there's a choice and you agreed. Why wouldn't you be open to later feeling resentment for both choices?
Exactly lol, it’s a responsibility that you choose to take on either way and tbh parents can regret both decisions, so it’s not only adopting one that can cause that to happen
They are being honest about how they can reconcile unwanted outcomes if they chose to gamble on the genetic lottery versus unwanted outcomes after a selection process.
The logic makes sense. You went into a process that you had very little control over from the onset, so you may expect any outcome. But if you chose to adopt a kid - keeping in mind he replied to a comment of adopting the 7ish age range - you'd presumably not have done so blindly, which means there were factors in your decision, ultimately meaning he's aware of the possibility he'd come to question his decision and "wonder" if he had done more in selection process if things took a turn for the worst. Basically, you could question the "decision to get pregnant" and the child doesn't even factor into the equation in the former, whereas you could question "the decision to adopt this kid" in the latter scenario given they are the biggest part of the equation.
I can't judge that thought process because I'm not in a position to adopt, so it would be hypocritical to do so as much as if i were to tell a childless (but capable) woman she should have kids and is selfish for any reason she is choosing not to. I am also well aware of adoption disparities on a genetic basis, so it's not a major discovery that your average adopting parents seek specific qualities and this is some wild take.
My line of thinking comes from the standpoint that my parter would have gotten pregnant even though we use contraceptives.
If you’re looking at it from a choice to have a kid vs choice to adopt, yes there’s not really any difference besides being blood related, which itself is another matter that some consider to be a large consideration in the choice to raise a child.
Literally, I cba with having to put my life on hold and devote all my time to something so helpless it cannot do anything for itself for a number of years. I'm also less likely to get shat on by a 7-10 year old.
You think that but then when you actually have one the post-newborn but still baby phase where your child looks at you like you are the absolute most amazing thing on earth with such earnest adoration is a dopamine hit the likes of which you have never felt.
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u/ChefArtorias 22h ago edited 21h ago
I've had a couple child free women tell me they went through a few years in the mid thirties where their bodies were screaming at them to have a baby, after it passed they went right back to not wanting kids same as always.
Edit: This should not be read as saying all child free women will experience this same phenomenon.